 The following program is Have Gun Will Travel for broadcast December 7th, 1958. I promised I'd avoid a gunfight if possible. But it looks as though it isn't possible. I have one bullet left. You may draw when you're ready. Have Gun Will Travel Starring Mr. John Daner as Paladin. San Francisco, 1875. Carlton Hotel, headquarters of the man called Paladin. Go on, Mr. Paladin. Well, at seven o'clock, we could have champagne in the lounge. At eight o'clock, dinner at the Peacock, something special. Oh, I'm intrigued, Mr. Paladin. And then? A coach ride to Barnaby's for Cripses. That is only Barnaby prepares at Cripses. And after that, it'll occur back here by the fire in the lounge. No. Then... What? No. Oh, hey, boy. Here's one for Mr. Paladin. Sorry, lady. No champagne. No Peacock. No Cripses at ease. No liquors tonight. Wire, come. You go. I know. You already packed. Wire? Here. Bad news, Mr. Paladin. Ah, dear lady, forgive me. Hey, boy, send an answer to Tom Carter Aveline. Just say... Have Gun Will Travel. It's no surprise to anybody that the attractive and inexpensive new radios have proved popular. It's no surprise that it is to anyone who listens to CBS Radio with so much in the way of music, comedy, drama, variety, and news coming your way every day on CBS Radio. More than one radio around the house is more than a convenience. It's almost a necessity for anyone who has a daily routine. The man of the house wants to come home to an attractive home and an attractive wife. But household chores in themselves are rarely inspirational. The smart homemaker is one who refuses to let her regular responsibilities get her down. She gets her work done every day, but she gets her entertainment in too. She has a radio in the kitchen as well as the living room. Chances are she has a portable radio as well to follow her from one task to another around the house. She knows why the inexpensive new radios are so popular. And, what's more, she knows the value of CBS Radio too. Your bag, your saddle, and your gear. This is your hotel right here. What's that? Oh, folks from the Wild West show hold up in town right now. Most likely, Ella West. Ella West, huh? Yeah. This star attraction at Tomahawk Carter's Wild West show. Hell, it's kind of frisky at times. Wouldn't go into the lobby by the front way if I was you. You wouldn't. Not with Ella cutting up before breakfast. She just might take it into her mind and shoot them buttons off in that fancy vest you're wearing. Well, I'll chance it. Well, just, just friendly advice, brother. My name is Paladin. Oh, yeah, well, just a minute. Now, hold on. Or whiskey if I felt like drinking, which I don't. Say, you know who you're talking to? I do. Possibly. I didn't see you come in, Tracy. Why don't you answer Breed's question? Take your spot. For two cents, I'd run you out of town, pony boy. Don't cut your price for me, Ella. Why, you... Break it up now, boys. Break it up. Drinks around Tomahawk Carter. Have a good two, Tracy. That squabbling's got to stop. You find me... What was it this time, Tracy? The same thing it always is, Mr. Carter. Well, wrap me in buffalo hot... Hello, Tom. Hello. Oh, you're a sight. And that's a real sight. Yes, sir. Tracy is Mr. Paladin. He knew me way back when I was making honest living. Tracy Calvert. I've seen you ride, Mr. Calvert. Larry, me Wyoming, 71, when you took the grand prize. I had a lucky day, Mr. Paladin. We got Pal out of make. Well, I'll run along, Mr. Carter. No. No, you stick here, Tracy. I got bad trouble and I want you to handle it, Paladin. Save your money, Tom. I never saw a man you couldn't handle. It ain't a man. That little gal I want gently... Tom, there's one wild thing man will never civilize. Woman. And if you mean that one, I'm afraid there'll be no pleasure in failing. That little gal in there happens to be Hella West. Twenty-four years old and she's already more of a name than Calamity Jane, Cimarron, Rose, and Bell Star lumped together. I got her in Michele and I got damaged bells to prove it. And I'm going to lose Michele even before I get Michele together if something ain't done. You'll lose more when you get on the road. There's a million people who want to see Hella West, Mr. Paladin. Darling of the frontier, heart of gold, yes, I've seen the ride up. She's fast with a gun and she can ride like a Comanche. She has to be more than that. Hella West is a legend, Tom, a romantic illusion. Your audience will expect you to bring it to life. That's right. And instead, you'll produce a repugnant, grimy-faced, loud-mouthed little shrew. Well, I don't figure Hella's as bad as all that, Mr. Paladin. How long have you known her? She joined the show last month. My question was how long have you known her, Mr. Caladin? If you don't mind, I'll look in on the stock. Tracy and Hella was raised in the same part of the country. Learned shooting and riding together. Tim Tamer, he seems to have a personal interest. Now, Doug, go on it. We're old friends. Tom, Tom, you're talking about making a shell horse out of a wild, mean-tempered coat. Now, that takes more than taming. It means crushing its spirit, rebuilding it from the ground up. With a horse, the odds are 10 to 1 for failure. Yeah, I guess I knew it wasn't any use all along. I could have made a fortune with her. That's why I want 10% of the entire season's gait if I succeed. You ain't changed, have you? I hope that's a compliment. You ain't never stealing to ask what you're worth. He come here to learn you some things. My function is to teach. Anyone gets run off, it's gonna be him. Go along, Tom. I'll talk to you later. I'll be in a saloon. Sit down, Miss West. Mind if I smoke? Our fancy pants. That will be two deductions from your wages, the cost of the cigar and the bullet damage. You're kind of a cool one, fancy pants, but you ain't gonna make no lady out of me. It's not worth two cents to the show as a lady, and second, that would be impossible in the first place. Why, you... You took my gun! It'll be less noisy that way now. Sit down, please. Better? Although your audiences will expect you to be somewhat different from the average woman, they will expect certain fundamental manners. The essence of showmanship is to be different without being obnoxious. You're a lily-livered, fancy-talking dude. I'll run you out of town by morning. You made the same ridiculous threat to Tracy Calvert. Him, too. Tracy said anything to you about me, I'll kill him. There's a ring of honesty in that threat, Miss West. However, he said nothing. I was merely speculating. Are we ready? If you've got something to learn me, I mean, teach me, then get on with it. But keep your nose pulled in, dude. Incorrect. I gotta eat, don't I? You don't reach with a fork and spear a slice of bread. Now, give me a minute. And you never speak with your mouth full. Now, it's one thing to act homespun. It's quite another. Breed! You wearing a gun, dude? It's quite another to create revulsion. I suggest you confine your idiosyncrasies to calling the food vitals and complaining over the language of buffaloes. I asked you a question, dude. I heard you. Because if you ain't got a gun, you better get one. I'm gonna teach you some manners. Drop it. Ella, you've been tied to this dude for two days. Now, you like it or something? I'm going along because there's money in it. You know an easier way, Breed. You say the word when you need me. To Breed seems to present me almost as much as you do. I can handle Breed for you, dude. No need, Miss West. When the time comes, I'll handle him myself. Remember, just pretend I'm a newspaper reporter. Get on with it. Another question, Miss. Tell us about your parents. My old man was a stinking drunk, and the old lady was worse. She was always... You are talking to reporters. Then let him make it... Mention the homestead. Homestead? It was a stinking sawpin. He took a nice Tracy Calvert. It was so bad you couldn't believe it. I'm sorry. You wouldn't feel so blasted up if you got brought up like that. You knew Tracy Calvert, then? Yeah, I knew him. We was kids then. His daddy had a nice spread of land. You should have seeded Tracy's house. All painted inside and out with a fence around it. And Tracy's malls starched up and nice... She'd give me a dress once. My old lady traded it for some whiskey. No, Tracy would have laughed if he'd ever seen me wearing it anyhow. I think I understand. What? About you, Tracy Calvert. Do you? Maybe you do that. You're kind of a strange one yourself. I didn't know real men came in fancy pants. What I mean is, we ain't doing so bad, are we? I don't know. He's sort of like you. Everything I wasn't, Tracy wasn't. Everything I didn't have, he did. When he was real little, let me stay one night. She came in and pulled the cover up and kissed me. I was 16 and he was 18 when they was gonna move away. Maybe he wasn't grown up yet, but I was. I was grown up plenty. I didn't ask Tracy to marry him. They'd just take me with him. I'd do anything if he would. He could cut me up into little pieces if he wanted to. Just take me. I never said the same thing since, but I'm saying it to you. I ain't what folks think. No man's never touched me. You take me with you when you go back to San Francisco. I wouldn't be afraid with you. Maybe just kiss my cheek and say something nice. I don't want to be in no show, printed in no paper. I just want somebody to know I'm alive. Please. No. What's the matter? Look at yourself. You're still that grimy 16-year-old kid pretending she's a man. You don't compete with women because you're afraid to. Find a man who wants the smell of the stables and ask him to take you away. Breed wants me. Then you and Mr. Breed deserve each other. And he can have me. Just as soon as he kills you. Do you see speed laws and other regulations as restrictive? Or do you look upon them as protective? When a police officer writes a summons for traffic violations, do you see him as an enemy or a friend? Your life may depend on your attitudes. Statistics clearly indicate that where laws are obeyed, deaths go down. It's no secret that emotional immaturity is the major factor in our accident rate. How else but childish can you describe the notion that breaking a traffic regulation is a way of getting away with something? What could be more infantile than believing one can prove his superiority by ignoring a stoplight? Unfortunately, too many drivers on the road subscribe to that kind of emotional outlook. The result is tragic. Almost 85% of all traffic accidents in America are caused by careless, childish driving. We hope you know our traffic laws and the people who enforce them are there to help save your life. He's a nasty one, Mr. Paladin. Come along if you like. Good afternoon, Ella. I heard you wanted to see me, Mr. Breed. Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't recognize you first, wearing them big boy's clothes. You're carrying your play acting too far this time, Ella. Play acting? I've shot men for less. That's kid-talking. We aren't kids anymore. Shut up, Tracy! You heard the lady, Tracy. Shut up and get out. Me and fancy pants gonna settle something. I changed my mind, Breed. I don't want no killing. Ah, honey, we made a bargain. You're gonna keep it all away. Tracy, take her to one side. You, Bar-key, pour five shots and set them up in a line. Yes, sir. What's this? I promised Tom Carter I'd avoid a gunfight if possible. Oh, you ain't got no choice, fancy pants. All poured? Yes, sir. Good. Now then, Mr. Breed. I have one bullet left. Please, draw whenever you're ready. Are you going to draw? I didn't. If you aren't going to draw, I suggest that you find Tom Carter hand in your resignation and start traveling. Now. Lessons continue at seven, Miss Weston, my room. Please be on time. I got myself some female clothes. Cost more than genuine buckskin. I took a bath, too. Tracy Calvert's right. If I ain't a woman, I ain't nothing. I can go if you want me to. You look very nice, Miss Weston. You don't have to say this. It happens to be true. You come off surprisingly womanly in address. A store sold me a lot of lassions and cross-ropes to go underneath. It is not considered good taste to discuss undergarments. I'm sorry. The only thing that threw me was my top notches, worse than platinum cap on his tail. I still hate you. You smile and go ahead. I don't blame you. Clumsy and I talk ignorant. I guess a few yards of silk don't help the likes of me much. A wise man judges by the lady's smile. I think I felt better when you was flopping my knuckles and telling me not to spear my bread. Collie, that's the first nice thing you said to me. I'm dealing with a woman now. You're dealing with a shaky one. You're just being kind to me. A woman needs kindness only when she has no virtues, Ella. I wouldn't want you to say anything out of pity. Pity? He isn't included in the course. Come in. Mr. Pallett and I were... Holy lovely jumping toads. Oh, Tracy. Well, Ella, you... Well, I... Gosh... What's the matter, Tracy? Ella, I've never seen you in... I mean, your hair, your eyes, Ella. You're a lady, Ella. You sure are, and I'll kill a man who says you ain't. I'm sorry for what I said to you, Ella, about not being a lady. But, dawg, go on it. You've changed. She changed for you, Mr. Kelvin. Huh? She'll tell you herself in time. But she'd like it very much if you just kept that silly look on your face and kept thinking of her as a lady. Oh, I will, Ella. I swear I will, honest. What did I do wrong? Did I offend you? No. No, Ella, don't cry. Mr. Pallett, then, what do I do now? Take your lady in your arms, Mr. Kelvin, and never let her go. How are things in Aveline Town, Mr. Pallett? In Aveline Town, things are going smoothly, and how are things here in San Francisco? Smoothly. Specifically, the young lady I never dined with, is she still registered here? Oh, yes. Then will you please take her this note and tell her I'm back? I'd do it, but her husband no like. Her husband? She got married two days ago. I mean... But the Spanish dancer registered today. Very nice. You catch him up for dinner, eh? The Spanish dancer? Oh, boy. Hey, boy, take that note up to the Spanish dancer with my compliments. Same note? Same note. Take the operation of the post office, for example. Mostly out of habit, many offices and individuals post outgoing mail at the end of the day. In so doing, they leave post office employees with too little work to do at other times of the day. In addition, we forget to include zone numbers as part of the address. In both ways, we're slowing down the entire system for delivering mail and adding to the cost of our postal operation. The problem is simple enough to solve. Start solving it tomorrow. If you'll arrange to post letters and packages earlier in the day and include zone numbers on the return address as well as the outgoing address, you'll help our post office operate more efficiently for you and at less cost, too. Remember, for faster, more economical service, mail early in the day and include zone numbers. Have gone. Will travel. Created by Herb Meadow and Sam Roth, he is produced by Norman McDonnell and stars John Daener as Paladin with Ben Wright as Hayboy. Tonight's story was written by Gene Roddenberry and adapted for radio by John Dawson. Featured in the cast were Virginia Gregg, Sam Edwards, Harry Bartell, Lauren Stopkin, Lynn Allen and Barney Phillips. Hugh Douglas speaking. Join us again next week for Have Gun, Will Travel.