 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, never chase a man. Do this one thing instead. You got to do this one thing instead, okay? Really quickly, if the content here resonates with you and you like some support, check out my link to my VIP group. This is a group where you get to ask me questions, direct me directly, directly on a regular basis and I shoot three videos a week for those members who shoot questions. You can learn all about it in the link in the VIP group. Alright. We're going to talk about don't chase men do this instead. You know, it's interesting. I'd say over the years, I've worked, I'm working with a number of clients right now, but over the years, I've heard the same thing from a series of, we'll call them smart, strong, successful, confident type of women, very successful in their professional life. They have a habit of choosing or they have chosen beta males in the past where they were doing all the work in relationship and they practically had to chase the guy. That's number one type of woman. Or there's a different type of woman who doesn't feel secure in the relationship, who is chasing the man in the relationship to get him to love her, okay? In fact, sadly here, especially in the United States, we've adopted this philosophy as I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself. Let me ask you, while I know you don't believe that for yourself, is it quite possible you've ever acted that way in relationship? If the answer is yes, please post a comment in below. I want to hear about it because this is very common for those of us who have had childhood wounds and traumas that have been unresolved in our lives. Let me repeat, those who have childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas literally need someone else to love them to feel good about themselves. This is why when I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, I'm a recovering codependent. In other words, I'm going to own my truth right now, right here. I'm one of those guys that needed you to love me to feel good about myself. And it took a lot of work on myself. This is why when I wrote my book, here it is, see Jonathan Asley, I recounted my personal development story where I went through personal development, self-help and spiritual work to get to a place where I'm not chasing a woman either. I refuse to chase a woman and I refuse you to ever chase a man. Don't you ever chase someone because a relationship should look like a two lane street. And I said this in a previous video, but I like what Matthew Hussey says. I think Matthew Hussey is great. If you like Matthew Hussey, please post a comment below. I think he's, now my demographic is midlife after baby making years before retirement. Those who have gone through divorce, that sort of thing. That's my area of expertise because I've been through alimony, child support, visitation rights, and all the dysfunction of midlife crisis. But what Matthew recently said was, invest and test, invest and test. And so what he's really saying, what at least from my perspective, is a relationship is a two lane street and you're traveling here and if you're going a little bit faster, let him catch up to you and then see if he goes a little faster and you catch up to him. But you're traveling roughly at the same speed. What happens is a man is here and you're traveling over here and you're like pulling him, you're chasing him to get you up to speed. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do that. Do this one thing instead. And that is to not only lean into your sovereignty of yourself love, but this is learning the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And this is setting your standard. What is your standard for relationship? And I want to ask you this question. So I'm going to say it really slowly. Let me reframe this. This is the question I want you to ask of every guy going forward. I want you to ask this question and that is, quotes, what does commitment look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? Now, before you ask him this question, I want you to buy the book Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman, Eight Dates. Look at, there is chapter after, let me just read you some of the chapters here. Eight Dates, Lean on Me talks about trust and commitment, addressing conflict, sex and intimacy, the cost of love, working money, family, fun and play, growth and spirituality and dreams. Here, look at that. Before you set your standard, before you express your standard, learn your standard by reading this book. This will set your stage because you don't ever have to chase a man. You just set your standard instead. Now, here's the thing. The wrong guy, he's going to run away, but the problem with him running away is you see this as leaning back and that means you've got to do the same thing. That's just a bunch of crap. Don't do that. The guy who runs away, let him run away. He's not into you enough. The guy you want is the guy who's going to lean into relationship and he's going to lean into your standard. So first, you have to learn what your standard is, buy this book to learn your standard. You may want to check out Gary Zuchoff's book, Spiritual Partnership as well. Here, Spiritual Partnership. Spiritual, learn your standard. What it is that you want in relationship, what does commitment look like for you? Then you can ask him, what does commitment look like for him? Now, here's the struggle. Most guys are fucking clueless. They are absolutely clueless. Now, there is 10 to 15% of men who are crystal clear. They know they want a relationship. They want commitment. They are on the path. The vast majority are clueless. This is why when you set your standard, this is your watermark. If he doesn't reach your watermark, if he's here, bye-bye because you're seeking a relationship where it's a two-lane street. You're going at it at the same pace, give or take. And when you set your standard, you're setting the pace. All right. I want to hear from you. What do you think about this? Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Because I want you to shift from this narrative of chasing to investing and never chase a guy and never invest more than he's investing with you. Can you make a deal with me? I want you to write a comment. Do we have a deal? Post it right there. All right. I hope you found value from this video and I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or even grab a teddy bear and give it a hug of love right now because hugs are a great source of love. And quite frankly, we could all use a lot more love in our lives. I want to thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Bye-bye now.