 What's up, you guys? So I got a question today that I'm going to answer, and it basically is, bring it up. He says, hi Lloyd, longtime listener, first time caller. Not really calling, but I'll take it. Could you cover the issue of validation or seeking girls approval? I get caught up in this all the time. I want girls to respond to my messages or show that they like me, even if I'm not that into them. Once they show interest, I usually lose interest. I was in therapy for a few years and I still slip into this mentality. Do you have any suggestions for how to move past it? It interferes with my ability to make a real connection with women. Yeah dude, I could definitely answer this question. This is something I talk a lot about with my students and actually something that I'm doing right now with the current program that I have with a lot of different guys. So let's get into this. I'll give you a brief rundown of what I usually recommend that they do. So let's describe the problem and why it happens and then I'm going to talk about solutions to this problem because this is not just common. This is the norm for most men. Most men have super validation and approval seeking behaviors specifically towards women and there's a reason for this because if you think about the way most men grow up in today's day and age, they're not raised by men. They're raised by women. Typically you have your mother who spends the majority of their time raising you. A lot of guys don't see their fathers that much, but even if you do see your father, you are probably going to school and most schools, they are primarily taught by women. In fact, me and my own personal life, I don't think I had a male teacher. I had one male teacher up until the age of 15 and the rest of the time, it was women, it was me getting in trouble with women. It was me seeking the approval of women, trying to get a good grade, trying to not get in trouble, asking, raising my hand to go to the bathroom. While this is good for maybe behaving or having manners or not getting in trouble, it is horrible for making a connection with a woman and actually being a man. It doesn't make you attractive. It doesn't make you into the person that you need to be. It doesn't actually make you successful. This is what a lot of, it's kind of ironic because they tell you to go to school to be successful and you can be a certain level of success there, but if you really want to be really successful, you have to undo a lot of the damage that this training does to you. This is, so you have this problem where you're seeking approval from women and you're seeking approval from other people. So now that we've described the problem, how do you actually solve it? Okay, the way that you solve it, and a lot of people say, well, just stop caring about what other people think, you know, like it's a switch that you can turn off. That's not what I'm saying. That advice I think is a little not helpful. What you should do, and we are human, and so we all care about somebody's opinion, you should care about somebody's opinion. You know whose opinion I care about? My own. That's the number one thing that I care about. Put yourself first. I say this again and again. That's how a high value mind thinks. He puts himself above other people. So what does that mean? That means you need to figure out what you need to do to look at yourself in the mirror and actually like the person that's staring back at you. That actually believes in yourself, okay? You approve of what you're doing of your life, who you are, and it doesn't mean that you need to be at the goal that you're heading towards. It doesn't mean that you need to have, I don't know, whatever your life goals are, be rich, get tons of pussy, like have a supermodel girlfriend or whatever it is. You don't have to have that to actually approve of yourself. Now think about people when they've built themselves up. Even the most successful people of all time, okay? They approved of themselves or at least in a certain way. They believed in themselves even when they didn't have all the money or the success or the fame that they had later on, okay? So you need to learn to start approving of yourself right now and there are exercises to be able to do this. Figure out what it's going to take to basically approve of yourself, to like yourself, to look yourself in the eye and say, hey, you know what? You're doing great. Keep on. Keep doing it. You know, times are tough, but it's fine. You'll get through it and you've got this, okay? And maybe you're looking at external things for approval for your own approval. Maybe in order to feel good about yourself, you need to have a hot girlfriend, okay? Well think about this. What about having a hot girlfriend is actually going to make you approve of yourself? Maybe it's you're being popular at school. Maybe it's to get sex with a hot girl or you just get sex. Maybe it's you look cool around other guys and other guys envy you. Are there other ways that you can get that in your life? Honestly, like this is something that you mentioned in this question. I don't know if this guy's actually watching the video, but you mentioned that you've seen therapists over this. I don't think therapists will discuss these kinds of things for you. It's so internal and it's so like not practical with what I've seen a lot of therapists do. So what you need to do is you need to ask yourself those questions. This is exactly the thing that I cover in my high value mind program. So I walk with the students, I ask them, what is it going to take to make you like yourself, to approve of yourself? You ask yourself why a bunch of times? You do a bunch of the exercises that we cover and over the course of eight weeks you learn what it's actually going to take. And at the end of the eight weeks, which by the way this is not something that having a high value mind and not seeing validation from other people, what it's going to do to you. Let's give the example of the guy who will only approve of himself if he has a really hot girl. If he can get the other things that he would get with a hot girl, maybe he's getting sex, maybe he has a life that other men would envy, maybe he's good at something, whatever it is, what about that is actually going to make him like himself? If he has those things, what's going to happen, this is the craziest part right here, the women will appear, they'll come to you. This is when women start to chase other men. If men are not seeking their validation and approval, they will start chasing. You have that lifestyle, you have that mindset that they're looking for. And so what you'll start to realize is that you don't need to have the validation in the first place. Get your own approval and then women will seek your validation. And that's exactly what we teach in this program. So I give you a little bit of a snippet. So if you're interested in joining the program, there's going to be a link in the description box below. I recommend you click it, fill out the form, would love to get you in. But if you're not going to do that, start asking yourself those questions. Start asking yourself, hey, what would it actually take to get my approval? Stop looking for other peoples and look for your own, okay? Because not seeking anyone's approval in life is completely unreasonable. But seeking your own, that's definitely possible and that's the way to do it. You've got to ask yourself some tough questions. It's going to be, this is hard. This is not easy. If it was easy, I wouldn't have a job. Anyway, thanks for watching you guys. If you made it and considered subscribing, come out with videos like this every single week. Thanks a lot you guys. Good luck out there.