 It's impossible to have a happy holidays without watching these two Christmas classics, so grab a cup of hot cocoa, gather around the tree, and let's talk Frosted the Snowman vs. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. These are like ghosts of movie feuds past, as I've talked about both of these in previous episodes, but for movies that have been around for over 50 years, I think it's okay to recycle. Our main hero, Rudolph, is a caring and nice little chap voiced by Billy Richards. His father Donner, however, is a mother f***ing a**-loving s***-eating f***ing d***s f***ing a**-deen f***ing d***s f***ing d***s f***ing d***s f***ing d***s f***ing d***s. Happy holidays. Most of the male figures are pretty terrible, to be honest. The head elf, the coach, hell, even Santa himself isn't as happy-go-lucky as one would expect from, you know, a jolly old fat man, Saint Nick, more like Saint Dick. Hermie the Toy-Making Misfit is Rudolph's right-hand dentist on this adventure, and he's bringing with him some serious altitude. Altitude. Not attitude. Who is writing this show? We have further supporting cast members from Clarice, a series of discarded toys, for some reason a giant griffin, and the major draw for me, Yukon Cornelius and the abominable Snowman. Abominable. It's one of the scariest creations ever conceived, and that's taking Lindsay Lohan post-surgery into account. Frosty the Snowman has a smaller cast, but arguably just as charming. Frosty himself isn't really my cup of eggnog. He comes off more like a brain-dead elf who can't get his holidays in order. He also has no regard for the safety of children as he travels across the globe with our heroine of the picture, Karen. Her parents must be worried sick about her! Frosty of course didn't have time to leave a note, but marching down Central Avenue with a bunch of kids, yeah, that was in the cards. He had time for that. The two showstoppers here are Professor Hinkle and his rabid, Hocus Pocus. Hinkle's voiced fantastically by Billy D. Wolfe, while Hocus Pocus is the silent type. His actions speak louder than words. And this is a nice transition into story. Frosty the Snowman. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is a story with a timeless message. Be true to yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. Frosty the Snowman is an entirely different message, which is put a magical hat on a snowman, he will come to life, abduct you, take you on a train ride across the country, not tell your parents, leave you for dead in the North Pole, and hitch a ride with Santa Claus. Happy Birthday! Frosty the Snowman is a much shorter tail, running at a brisk 25 minutes, whilst Rudolph is almost double that, at a 47. I remember being completely confused when Rudolph would start as a child and that black and white intro would fire up. Kudos to Larry Romer for being completely out of touch with how to set up an introduction to a children's movie. Seriously, what the hell was he thinking? Thankfully our pocket watch wearing snowman comes into play shortly after to narrate the rest of the journey. We learn of Rudolph's quote on quote disability, according to his deadbeat dad Donner. After much humiliation at the hands of his peers, he runs away with newfound friend Hermie. Over the course of the picture they come across more companions with their own set of problems, and by the end of the film we get a very merry resolution for everyone. Merry for almost everybody I should say, except for me, because Rudolph's dad doesn't die by the end of the film. And that was a major Donner for me. Subscribe. Hinkle's magical hat brings a snowman to life, and from there we get a round robin of occurrences from a marching parade to frosty flee in the country. Side note, I said round robin in the sentence, not because it makes sense there, but because it sounded cool. By the end of this whole fiasco, frosty melts and we get a montage of the previous 15 minutes of events. So really this show is 23 minutes long. Real talk for a second. I always root for Hinkle to come out on top, of course he never does, but what was his crime? He's a magician who's had his hat taken from him. How is he the villain? These kids are the worst. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. The animators of Rudolph were busy, busy, busy bringing these claymation characters to life. There's a charm to this movie that will never fade away. Very few movies look like this, which make it a unique experience even 50 years later. Frosty's pretty rough though. It's got very harsh animations and the voice acting is pretty terrible for some of the supporting children. Now that's not to say there isn't any magic left in that old silk hat he's got. The illustrations are very nicely done and there's a nice warmth to the color palette. So I'll give you, that's something for you, right? Music is a huge part of both these movies and a big reason people keep returning to these nostalgic films. Rudolph gives you the titular song, of course, but also some great jams like Holly Jelly Christmas and Most Wonderful Time of the Year. We have the solid slower hits with Silver and Gold and There's Always Tomorrow. Frosty keeps it real too with the theme song. Other notable songs include... No, that is the only song. Okay, well, okay, all right. In my humble opinion, Rudolph easily trounces Frosty the Suckman. Rudolph remains charming from beginning to end with some outstanding music and delightful characters and design. I'm expecting this to be a very one-sided affair when it comes to the votes. God knows I've been pushing for Rudolph, all right? So leave a comment below. Let's hear what you think. Make sure to vote. 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