 Alright, here we go. Take two because I didn't like the first recording I did of this story. What's up guys? My name is Glassfoot and welcome to Tabletop Tales Episode 3. Tabletop Tales is a series where I tell very stupid stories from games of D&D that I have played. Now today's story comes from the first time that I ever DMed. Coming from the tales from the awning portal, namely the first story in here, The Sunless Citadel. Or as it got renamed at the end of this campaign, which lasted like three sessions, well that's at the point, the glorious citadel that in breakfast, which then became a staple in our group's world, because of course it did. Hey guys, so really fast before I get into the rest of the story. Every time I say cleric, I mean to say bard. I'll probably flash bard on the screen every time I say cleric just for reference, but I meant to say bard. The guy who played the bard, he plays, he played a cleric for our longest running campaign. So in my mind, he's always a cleric. My bad, I meant to say bard. Oops, that's on me. Sorry, back to the video. Just needed to put that in really fast. Alright, so as stated, that was the first time I ever DMed a game. So it was really to dip my toes in the water to see what it was like. And I also mentioned that it only ran for three sessions. That's because I specifically ran it as a way for me to try and get a hang on DMing. So we never intended it to play the entirety of the tales of the only portal book. I do at some point plan on playing all of those modules, though for me, they feel more like stuff to putting either post or pregame in another campaign, because as a coherent story, not the best. But anyway, when we started, we had five players. Typical party makeup, we had a rogue, a barbarian, a warlock, a cleric, and a fighter, we had the typical four or five party makeup of that group because that was who could make it. Now, when the campaign started, our players walked into town. They meet up because I can't remember if I had them start meeting together or if I actually had them come and meet up in the town somewhere. Either way that happened, the players met up and they got hired by the mayor of the town to discover what was going on because there was a goblin tribe nearby that was selling them one apple every year. This apple would increase the life of whoever consumed it, but whenever they planted it about two months later, once the apple seed that they planted hit sapling age, it would just disappear. And the townspeak believed that the goblins were stealing it so they could keep this life-giving tree for themselves. Now, clearly, this is absolutely ridiculous and makes no sense. So our barbarian offers up the much more, much more, much more logical, uh, surgeon that the goblins are running a bed and breakfast out of the citadel. Clearly, clearly much more logical than them just stealing their crap back. So the party takes up the mission and goes to find the citadel with the specific intention of becoming patrons and owners of the glorious citadel bed and breakfast. So step one of the campaign is already out the goddamn window for something else. So they start making their way towards citadel. They run to a couple of twig blights on the way, which the barbarian tried to convince to join the glorious citadel bed and breakfast. Obviously, they could not hear him because they are goddamn twig blights. Um, so they kill them. They continue on their way, kill a couple of giant rats and decide, this is gonna be our sausage meat. Yeah, but they continue on their way and they make it to the citadel. Going through finding a number of traps, finding a couple of locked doors, you know, typical dungeon fare. They eventually run into a cobalt named Meepo. And uh, if you didn't understand that, his name was Meepo. And he talked in a totally high voice because this is the first one that came to mind. And I don't think I'm gonna be doing that every time I reference Meepo from now on because that's gonna hurt my voice if I do it for an entire video. But anyway, they continue on to do their whole thing where they just go and do their shit. But uh, they get Meepo to help them find the cobalt, manage to talk the cobalt into uh, working for them as bed and breakfast employees. Meepo being the first of which they managed to convince him of this. And they agreed to pay him like copper or something, like some really infantestinal amount, and then gave him pieces of wood and lied to him because I ran a party of dicks. The first session wrapped up with them getting a key and finding an extra room that held a troll. They managed to one-shot this troll because as soon as the thing was opened up our barbarian who was carrying a torch stabbed him and then the rest of the team effectively got a surprise round and just stabbed this thing because it was in the coffin and they just all managed to roll incredibly high because this fucker was, basically they all auto-created because the dude was prone and like they had just opened the coffin so it pretty much insta-killed this guy which was impressive because it was like party of level twos. Anyway, well once the second session rolled around our rogue and fighter were unable to make it. So our barbarian took it upon himself to become the rogue. Now this is not the typical stupid barbarian. He's actually fairly smart which made what happened next all the funnier to me. As they were going along they ended up finding a door mechanism that they couldn't get through. It was locked and they needed a way to get past it. They didn't have you know the necessary thieves tools on them to be able to do it. So our barbarian decided to look for traps and then ignored the traps he saw yelling there's no rogue and kicked the door in getting stabbed by a scythe that swang down from the ceiling. Yeah, the whole thing with that is not only did he roll high enough to be able to see the trap, the trap is specifically stated within the module to you can break it with your fists if you are strong enough. I guess the idea being if the that the rogue sees it and they fail to pick it you just have the strong guy on the team reach up and rip the mechanism out but yeah he just yelled there's no rogue kicked the damn door in and then proceeded the rest through the rest of the dungeon yelling there's no rogue every time we needed to get through any type of locked door and just kicking it in the consequence of this there is no rogue became a running joke in our campaign and pretty much every campaign from there on typically spooked when one of us did something incredibly stupid because a rogue wasn't there but they continue on they run into the gollins kill all of them because I forced that encounter I wanted at least one boss fight ended up running into a bugbear who they had to kill as well and they made their way through and found another bugbear who they managed to convince and helping them but they eventually made their way to the final boss chamber now the thing with the Sunless Citadel like I said the goblins have been selling an apple that gives life well they've been being supplied this apple by your local mad scientist and not only is he supplying them with said apple he is also a douche who has been growing poison apple and the winter solstice offer the same tree the healing one comes from summer the poison one comes from winter now and this is where I find it funny we had a bunch of sweet talkers on the team so the way they beat him wasn't by fighting him it was either the warlock or we had managed to get a rogue somewhere along the line to help us but either way this character managed to talk the guy into letting him see the apple so he takes a dagger and stabs the apple then he takes the dagger with the apple on it and rams it down the guy's throat he one shot at the boss because he managed to roll like an insanely high persuasion and then a natural 20 on a ramming it down his throat and the thing was the poison effectively acts so fast within the module that the guy is instantly I mean that and he had a dagger going through his face for personal homebrew rules if you get take a shot like that like they have no way of knowing that it's coming and it's very unexpected and it's a fucking knife through their goddamn mouth I pretty much rule an insta shot because I'm odd when I DM I like to have like a mixture of realism and fantasy but so like if it's an assassin character killing someone in the middle of the night typically you're just going to one shot them because I don't care who you are if someone slits your throat in the middle of the damn night you're gonna die or someone has you chained up and you insult them because you're banking on them being a James Bond villain and they're not and then they take a magical sword and slice your throat you just die pretty much instill it I will eventually tell you the story of viran the gith he died as he lived completely belligerent to authority all of that is the point but so after killing the guy and treating the two people that he had mind-controlled the party took over the sunless citadel and renamed it the glorious citadel bed and breakfast they took an underground citadel and turned it into a bed and breakfast not only did they turn it into a bed and breakfast they made it into a damn franchise throughout the fucking world yeah I wish I was joking about that but I'm not it was really really funny when I initially like when that happened and I still find it very funny but I'm not sure that it was the best first time DMing because the party derailed the campaign like that like some details that I skipped over because they're really creepy the cleric the cleric and the bard I think might have been the rogue hmm it was the cleric and one other character fucking they went up and they propositioned these two working girls whom didn't reveal themselves to be undercover cops to arrest people propositioning girls and then the cleric cast sleep on them stole their badges and they took them to the police station and turned them in and somehow managed to roll deception high enough that they tricked the guard that I probably shouldn't have allowed I probably should have literally had them get arrested no matter what they did because that was a little messed up but that what are you gonna do hindsight's 2020 but that is the story of the glorious citadel how that became to be a feature of our world and how the term there's no rogue came to be a rather often uttered phrase within my friend hey guys I hope you enjoyed that video if you liked it please leave a like and comment down below comment leave telling you what you liked what you didn't like all of that jazz if you enjoyed the video and would like to see more content from me in the future typically being reviews of movies tv shows occasionally books but I'm more focused on movies and tv then subscribe to the channel all of that jazz if you'd like to follow me on twitter or instagram links to both of those are going to be in the description down below as always if you'd like to see more tabletop tale videos from me more stories of my idiots friends and I plan dnd links to that will be right there if you would enjoy to see just any other video for me whatever that happens to be willing be linked right there anyway that's all I have for now I hope that you guys have a great day and as always peace out guys