 I was very kind of against God and against religion in a complete sense. I did not agree with it. I did not think it was right. I thought it was just something people came up with and that's just exactly what it was. It was something people came up with to help them live right or to create you know a big societal standard on morals. One day I kind of I was going through a lot of different things and had a lot of things going on in my life and I woke up and I remember looking in the mirror and I didn't like physically or spiritually who I was looking at and it just it really upset me. I knew I needed something else and there was just this big hole in my heart that was growing bigger and bigger and bigger and nothing was feeling it and so I made the decision like I need to go to church. Walking in I mean I had face piercings all over my face, bleach blonde hair, I was in a scrimo band and so walking in I felt truly like I'm gonna walk in here and I'm gonna get judged. Like that's just what's gonna happen. That's what this is about. I'm going to get judged but I need this like I need whatever message there is even if I am going to get judged. I felt like who I was representing was everything against what everybody in there was striving to be and so I walked in for the first sacrament meeting and sat in the back just kind of stayed to myself. I wasn't really paying attention too much to the messages but I just felt a piece it felt so wonderful. I just sat there and went and ended up sitting next to this really really sweet lady and she actually ended up helping me with scriptures because I didn't have scriptures myself and then I just remember kind of after all that just her looking directly at me in the eyes and saying we are so happy that you were here and that for me just really made me feel like I had I belong somewhere. This was the place for me like this is I'm so welcome like I'm not getting judged for how I look I'm just I'm purely just being accepted for who I am and these people love me and so it was just so wonderful to sit there and just know that this woman with such kindness in her heart and such a loving smile just really cherished that I was there and that really showed through the rest of the that specific you know church moment as well everyone who went to that specific church were you know they were so so nice and just so welcoming and I just I felt like a member already I felt like I belonged. It's given me so much joy so much happiness and most importantly it's given me a friend it's given me a brother and it's given me a father it's it's given me Christ and it's given me someone who I can always talk to someone I can always know and count on that he's going to hold me up no matter how many times I fall it's given me hope that no matter how much I mess up like because of him and because he bled and because of his sacrifice he gives me hope he gives me the ability to go see my heavenly father again and he gives me the ability to give him a big hug one day and I can't wait you know he he's my everything