 I think, I think that evolution is real, um, or it's not. Tell me a joke. I got a good one to start out with. Ready to go? I'm scared. I read recently, um, in 2011, that the NSA can see inside my phone. Um, I'm not, uh, I'm not too worried. I mean, I don't think I have anything that's suspicious on my phone. What I am worried about though is that the NSA will see things on my phone that they interpret as suspicious, that are really just incredibly sad. And I can see it now. Agent Johnson, come take a look at this. Oh my God. Am I seeing that right? You sure are, Agent Johnson. This guy only has four contacts on his phone. They had a file on Lenny Bruce. I'm telling you, comics are some of the most common radical political dissidents. But not when they live with their parents, they're not. A funeral is really just a family reunion, but one person is packaged. I'm serious. It's like, it's just the whole family getting together again. Um, but this time great uncle Jim is just really, really quiet for once. I've noticed that there's only one type of smile that's really appropriate at a funeral. Not that I've been troubleshooting all the different possible funeral smiles, but I do think there's only one, and it's kind of that sort of sad, wistful smile when you hear a nice memory about the loved one. What I don't recommend is going to a funeral and pulling one of these, because they will assume that you did it. I'm always interested to see what license plate a car has, like what state it's from. But I don't like checking the car's back license plate when it is coming towards me and then drives away past me, because it makes me feel like I'm stopping to check out the car's ass. It's like, Utah. Nice. I have a peanut allergy. You know, it's something I live with. Some kids with allergies get made fun of for having those allergies. I got made fun of by kids who had cooler allergies than I did. Be allergic to peanuts. Why can't you be allergic to soy, like a normal person? Or gluten, like an asshole? I had a revelation the other day. I was at a restaurant and I got a salad and then a burger. There was onions on the salad and there were onions on the burger. And it took me a moment to realize, wow, those are the same onions that they got out of their onion receptacle. It seems like different onions, salad onions, burger onions, but in the end, the back of house, it's all the same onions. Now, what this is that I'm telling you is many things, but it is first and foremost a metaphor for the sex lives of married couples. Because for one partner, it might be sex in the living room. For the other, it might be sex in the car. But to the kids, it all sounds like the same sea lion being murdered. I like to write Rosetta Stone fan fiction. So my name is Nathaniel. Nathaniel means gift from God. Jonathan means gift from God. Caroline means gift from God. Anna means gift from God. A suspicious number of names mean gift from God. All I'm saying is that I think at some point God was probably re-gifting.