 Welcome to Dare to Dream. This is Debbie Daschinger. Very excited to have you here, and I am having a kismet sort of day. So I want to check in with you. Last week's interview with David Avocado Wolfe, the celebrity spokesperson for NutriBullet and the top nutrition and health expert. It was pretty off the hook. I learned a lot. I wrote down a ton that I'm implementing into my life. And one of the things that David said over and over was holy flow, which I thought was hilarious. And I made a hashtag out of it. So hashtag holy flow. How is your day going? And are you in the flow? I think sometimes there are themes to our day. There are things that rise up to the top and certainly something that's come up for me. You might call it celebrity. So I'll explain a little bit. So this is my holy flow for the day. I was taking Shelby the dog for a walk. I'm in West Hollywood. And I'm around the corner from a very well-known dance studio. And I'm nearing the dance studio and what is very obvious out in the street and all along the sidewalk or paparazzi. And I said, oh, to the paparazzi, somebody famous must be up in that dance studio. And they said, yeah, I got the one guy to admit. I always like to know who it is. And he said, yeah, you know, there's a French supermodel up there. Fantastic. I'm all nice to them. What they don't know is I'm going to actually protect the supermodel because I really don't like the paparazzi do this at all. And I'm envisioning this poor woman or man, right, coming down the stairs and being besieged by this legion of people with all the camera equipment. It's really not attractive. So I went upstairs with Shelby the dog. I told the woman in charge and she thanked me so much. She said they were actually secret exits to get out. So I come back and I'm doing some work and the webby awards have reached out to me. And I've been contemplating, you know, all these things cost money, but they want me to enter Dare to Dream with Debbie Daschinger podcast. And I'm like, yes, no, yes, no, I'm waiting for like the feeling. Where is the feeling? The yes, no. I have to call carbonite, the backup system, about something going on with my computer. Talking to the guy about carbonite. He's given me some instructions because, you know, I've got a membership. I back up. I'm a smart woman. And he says, you know, you have a really unique last name, D-A-C-H-I-N-G-E-R. I think I know you. Do you do motivational speaking? Do you have like a YouTube channel and a podcast? Yeah, I do. I do. And he said, well, I listen to you and you're really good. And I just want to thank you for the work you do out in the world. I'm like, bing, sign, thank you very much. So I thank Tim. And he said, thankfully, I was being extremely pleasant during our business call because he said, you're just as nice as you are when I listen to you do your show. So I went, OK, that's my sign. So I entered the Webby Awards, done, done people. So hold those good thoughts for me and exciting stuff, because I really have stepped into this being a time of recognition. I've been doing this 13 years, right? And I've won awards in the past, but it's like it's time, you know? And sometimes it's just time. So Holy Flow Awards. So this show has also been nominated for two People's Choice Podcast Awards. I recommend you subscribe to Dear to Dream. It's available on over 40 syndicated outlets, both podcast and radio. And to name a few, you can go to Apple Podcast, Google Play Podcast, Spreaker, YouTube.com slash Debbie Daschinger, BBS Radio, Pandora, iHeart, Spotify, et cetera. Do leave a review. It's how other people find the show. And I learned this week a few things about Dear to Dream. It is ranked 200 right now in self-improvement in all of the United States. And thank you very much for that, because that's because of you, the listeners, subscribers, viewers. It also ranks number 148 in South Africa. So cool. Number 21 in Slovakia. And by the way, other countries as well, if you want your country to be named, then keep listening. Keep upping those numbers so I can talk about you next week. I want to thank Dr. Dean here and Access Consciousness for sponsoring this show. They do extraordinary work out into the world. And if you're up for some energy healing, for some amazing books, for some amazing courses, or maybe becoming a facilitator of Access Consciousness, go to AccessConsciousness.com. They're everywhere literally in the world, as well as Dr. Dean here, h-e-e-r.com. And I highly recommend them and the work they do. So speaking of celebrity, I have somebody very cool here today. And I'm anxious to get into a conversation about love. And what's interesting about this conversation is not about just love, but it's also about mula. So the question I have for you is, do you want to learn how to create infinite love and money? My guest today is Patty Stanger. She's the star. She's the executive producer of The Millionaire Matchmaker. She's an experienced third generation matchmaker who founded The Millionaire's Club 20 years ago to take clients from the initial meeting through the marriage proposal, coaching members in each state to the dating process. Stanger has successfully branched into television acting with feature roles on Drop Dead Diva and Days of Our Lives. Simon and Schuster has published several of Patty's books, including Become Your Own Matchmaker, Find Your Match, Seal the Deal, and Raise Your Desirability Factor, with an audio coaching program attracting a soul mate. She was a featured columnist on People and in Star Magazine, and most recently, Patty created PS Match Wines, which is available in wine and in specialty stores. And she's also got a successful jewelry collection called JTEM. Her hit WETV show, Million Dollar Matchmaker, led to other successful books, including her latest audiobook, secret millionaire talks, and newie book, Patty's Playbook. You can find out more about her upcoming event at Infinite Love and Money. And I welcome Patty Stanger to Deer to Dream. It is so great to have you on the show. Hi, how are you? I'm doing great. And I had a little chuckle reading your bio. And I know, like, that's where I want to start. Raise your desirability factor. Okay, I'm in 100 percent. So can we talk about that? Sure. Actually, so I have two, two feelings about the process that you engage in. I feel that one process is the dating, right? It's the other part is the keeping. How do you keep a relationship going on and on and the longevity, which you want to get to partnership? Where does desirability play into that? And how do we become more desirable? Well, I mean, does our ability doesn't go away just because you got the guy or the girl? It stays throughout the process and we go, we even flow. We like them one day. We hate them the next. And if there's a sexual synchronicity between the two parties, whether they're 18 or 80, it doesn't matter of that age. Everybody thinks it's only for the young. They will, they'll stay on their game to keep up the sexual, you know, levels of attractiveness. But when we let go of that, we gain weight. We're not feeling good, you know, like, especially when women get into menopause and there is menopause for men. Don't think that there's no menopause. Men's testosterone drops just as quickly as women's estrogen. We start to like not be attracted to the opposite sex because we're not attracted to ourselves anymore. And that's where it really starts. You've got to be attracted to yourself. Do you like the way you look? Are you hitting the gym? Is the dopamine and the endorphins, you know, like basically gelling together? Are you meditating? Are you taking time for yourself? Like right after you, I'm getting in the bath. I have a big event tonight and I'm zenning out for about an hour, you know, getting a massage before I go out. Like I take time for me. And if you can't afford it, because I'm sure a lot of people are really in this, you know, really bad economy situation. That's why we're doing infiniteloveandmoney.com. We basically teach you that money and love are not dissimilar. It's attracting what you want to yourself and there's secrets. There's lots of little tips and secrets that we do at the course that we're going to have in March. OK, fantastic. So it's interesting because you touched on chemistry and I'll go back to your event. I promise for people who are interested in the event just tease you right now. OK, so as far as I believe I've seen a quoted before that you do say chemistry is everything. Will you talk about it? It's everything until the guy or the girl treats you badly. So in other words, it's the signature flicker, the start, the flame to get the party started. If you have no chemistry, you're not going to party started, you know, like there are cerebral types, asexuals, any whorehole was one where they don't have a feeling of chemistry towards anybody else, except maybe mental chemistry, which is still chemistry. You know, there are certain types of men and women that get stimulated by the brain versus downstairs by the genitals. And so it depends what works for you. If you don't have that, you're not going to be attracted to the person that you're attracted to, whether you're gay, straight, pansexual, bisexual, fluid, it doesn't matter. You still have to be attracted. So that gets the party started. But then when somebody treats you poorly or they take you for granted or they ghost you, which is what's happening a lot. Ghosting is really huge right now or or submarining. They come up and they leave you alone and they come up, they leave you alone, you're joined. What the hell is wrong? You think something's wrong with you, but it's the other person's style of dating or stuff. They do this in work now. You know, they're ghosting people and submarining in work. So it's their style of commitment. So you have to find someone who's sympatic with you. That is where the rub comes in. That is where you go to a matchmaker, or you try an app, or you ask friends and family to fix you up, or you go to events. And it's harder now. We're disconnected because the biology hasn't changed. The technology is ruling the biology, which is creating disconnection. We now believe we have friends that we've never met, you know, on Facebook and Instagram. And then we believe we're dating someone like Catfish, the TV show. We've never met. Okay, this is crazy. Crazy. I mean, who taught people to think this way? So with this newer generation of millennials, I'm like, dude, give me your phone. Give me your computer. Give me your iPad. Go in the room and talk to that person over there. And their social awkwardness. They've never spoken to anyone in person to get the party started. So it's a very sad state of a stairwell. And you've got 80-year-olds doing the same thing. Like, they've forgotten what it's like to hunt and fish when they got their husband or their wife. You know, like you see in nursing homes, they're like, they're disconnected. The life has gone out of them. The zest has gone in it. And there's no reason to be this way. So we teach tools and traits to connect, to hunt, to fish, to attract, to find the person in your community that you don't believe exists, just because you've never met them doesn't mean they don't exist. Hello. So hunting and fishing, once you've been caught, and someone else has been caught and reeled in, how important is it to keep up that behavior? The very behavior that made someone feel, oh, I'm getting this attention, it's very good, you bought me flowers, you took me to dinner, we're going on a date, things like that are niceties, affirmations physically or verbally. How important to keep that? Well, I mean, the 91st day is when the relationship changes. So if you took out your past relationships, which I tell everybody to take the most significant for, and then basically look and see when did it go kind of off kilter? When did it feel uncomfortable? When did you, women have this women's intuition where we know when the guy's pulling away and he's testing us a lot of the time and it's DNA and brains, especially if he's an alpha, he will pull away just to see what will you do? Will you run after him, which I tell him nobody to run? Do not chase anybody that is not treating you well. That was my first rule of dating, whether you're straight, gay, it doesn't matter. So what happens is when you see it, it's usually the 91st day and it'll go through a three month trial period. By the sixth month, you will know whether this relationship is going somewhere or not. It takes about six months. Three months are the perfect stage. Then there's another imperfect stage. Then there's negotiation and then there's like, we're in it. And then you have to decide whether you want to get married or not because I don't believe you date anyone for a year, you know, past a year. If you want to get married and they don't, gay or straight, it doesn't matter, okay? And they're dragging you along year two, year three, year four, and I'm not talking kids in college. I'm talking like you're an adult over 30. Then you got to get out if that person doesn't want the same things you want. And that's considered a deal breaker. My assistant just went through that. Two years, Orthodox Jews, she's not. I'm like, this is not going to be a pretty picture. And every year I warned her and year two, she finally left and she's feeling better and she's getting better men because her love for herself went up. And when you feel better about you, you attract better people, but nobody talks about that. We all live in the dirt. It's time to go up the trees and get the good fruit at the top. Yeah, we live in the dirt. And I think it's really a repeatable behavior I've seen out there. People who want to break up, considering breaking up, feel something in their gut. And the first thought is, I'll never find better than this. Right, I'm never going to find better. But here's the thing. What do you want? When you realize you're the deal and I don't care how much weight you've gained or how old you are or how you've never been married or you don't have, you've never gotten the one you wanted. Throw that last past life away. We don't care about that. We care about today. So when I say to someone, like for instance, how much do you want to get married? And they raise their hands. How much do you want to have children? Okay, then what are you wasting your time with, you know, the schmoes, you know, the look you lose? What are you wasting your times with them? Because they don't want what you want. It doesn't matter how great sex it is. And frankly, great sex comes from emotional connection from somebody wanting to protect you or take care of you when you're sick. That's a better sexual place. And we've talked about this in the Karma Sutra and all these other modalities of sexuality where they've said like, it's when you feel safe, when you feel that person loves you and they're gonna take a bullet for you, that's when the relationship goes to a whole other level where they will swim mountains, you know, they will climb river, swim rivers, climb mountains, I got that wrong. They will really search the universe for the right person to stay with them. And we don't talk about that because we're in a disposable society right now. Every girl that I lose, there's another one on Instagram, there's another one on Facebook, there's a supermodel at the party, you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So we feel we can be replaced. When you start feeling you're one of a kind, you're one of a kind. I say to everyone, there are no two people alike, they're like snowflakes. When you're one of a kind and you know you're one of a kind, you will not go down to their level of thinking. And you won't attract those people anymore either. That's another thing. You'll get tested on it for a couple of months. Bad people, do you still accept? And then eventually it fade away and they don't come back. Yeah, it's really interesting too when you talk about the times you live in and social media, you know, one of the things I recently went through was I was just contemplating the people I know and long-term marriages and thinking, oh, you know, there's a particular fellow in my life, a friend. And I thought he and his wife are always on this step and repeat. They're always going to these red carpet events and they look so happy all dressed up and they're putting photos, social media, right? I'm literally thinking about him. Universe steps in and he says, Deb, I need to talk to you. We have a phone call the other day, buddy of mine. He goes, my wife and I are breaking up. No shit. Hello, Miley Cyrus. Hello, Liam Hemsworth. Hello, everyone. You see that you go, what the, when Angelina Jolie and Brett Pickup broke up, we all were like, what? Okay, it happens in every community, every religion, every walk of life. I have seen this over and over again. What you see on Instagram is not reality. Now these people love to take pictures. They love to dress up. They love to get their hair and makeup done and their plastic surgery and their fake wigs and all that stuff. But that doesn't mean their life is happy. That's a whole other ball of wax. I love you. It is a whole other ball of wax. I think it's really important as friends when we see this, that it is a romance novel we're seeing. You know, there is fiction out there. It's not, it's made up. It's not what's behind the scenes. And I think that's why people are so shocked when the hammer comes down and someone admits we're splitting, we're breaking up. So it's very incumbent on us to take care of what's going on on our side of the tracks and not look out there for affirmation of other couples. It's awful. Right, that's, you know, we see these, I call them Sunday in the park brunchers. And you see them over, they're super models with their supermodel husband, boyfriend, you know, influencer, like, oh my God, who could be that skinny with no breasts, right? And then you're like, when I bought the outfit, it didn't look like that. Well, of course it didn't. It's marketing 101. So you have to start thinking about what makes you feel good. We are not in touch with our feelings. And this is the most important part that I teach. What makes you feel good? And I don't mean a person. I mean, in your daily activities in the day or the food you eat, or just like watching a favorite TV show, what makes you feel good? Because this is gonna determine your trajectory on how and when you're going to meet that person. And if you don't feel good, we're hearing a lot about mental illness, Billie Eilish, Lady Gaga, they're all coming out of the woodworks. Lady Gaga is single, going through hell right now. Love that girl. You know, I do, I've met her and we've had good conversations about it. I just feel like we are putting so much pressure on ourselves to get this perfect relationship, which doesn't exist. I was just listening to Dax Shepard and Kristen Belly of A Great Marriage. She asked him to put the towels away this week. He goes, I feel controlled. They had a two day fight. They cried. They went into separate bedrooms and then they made up in the end. But it was over a bunch of towels. Okay, we can get them made for that. They're not broke, right? So I'm sitting here going like, everybody is going through this right now. You are not alone. That's the most important thing you need to know. You are not alone. Do you believe in love languages? Yes, I believe that book changed my life. As a relationship expert and a matchmaker, third generation, I was beyond floored by that book. Had I known this, my whole life would have been different. We didn't know that we had love languages. We didn't know that sometimes when you date someone who's the opposite language, they can't pick up your language. You know, that's what happened to my last relationship. He loved me in a different way than I loved him. And we just, I was good at giving him his love. He was not so great at giving me mine. And he thought it was like, oh, please get over it. My favorite line, a guy says, get over it. Well, if he says get over it, you get over him. That's the one thing you need to realize because when men don't take women's feelings seriously, you know what happens? We get doubt. And when we get doubt, we get bigger doubt than a man gets doubt. So if a man pulls away and says, I don't want to get married. I'm just not ready, get busy. And the minute you get busy and you forget him and the first guy that shows up that you have a little connection with or feel attraction with, that phone goes off, right? He texts, he calls you because he's feeling your doubt over him. We take a lot of things for granted and we were not taught, especially women, when we were younger, how to do relationships right because we were taught if we didn't have a baby or a marriage by 35 or eggs diminished or no longer worthy, we're not accepting of it. Norma Kamali just said, I love hot Kamali by the way, hot Molly, she just said she found love at 65. I know that Christian Bale's father married Gloria Steinem. And I think they were in their 60s, right? So love can come at any time of your life. This whole business it's only for the youth is a bunch of crap. My mother was married three times. Wow. And there's so many baby boomers, of course. You know, there's guys. And you have a lot more women than men. So this is where we get into the heat phase where we think of the census and we go, oh my God, there's not enough men. What am I gonna do? You know, like, and I tell people go to Europe. Yeah, go to a place where there's a lot of men, like record reach is 11 to one, right? Skiing is a great way to meet men, by the way. There's always 10 to one girl, 10 men to one girl. But I always tell people like, you gotta do this, like you're looking for a job. You can't sit back and expect the prince to show up because guess what? That story is as old as time and Cinderella has died. Like the game is over. You've gotta take action. This whole love attraction, think it, believe it, ask it, receive it. Give me a fucking break. Okay, as a matchmaker, I fixed up so many people. Jeff Lewis is dating the guy that I fixed him up with from flipping out and he couldn't get arrested after Gage. And he's a handsome, good-looking, successful guy. He just, he didn't meet the right people. We don't meet the right people. We need to be introduced. Girlfriends need to introduce girlfriends. Guyfriends need to introduce guyfriends. Six degrees. Take your past people that stop putting them on ice for future dates that you, you know, God forbid you don't get married. You got that, you know, my best friend's wedding bullshit. No, give it away. You're not gonna marry that person. No one wants to introduce anyone. It's really sad. I wanna make many matchmakers of that from all over the world. So sad, so sad. And nobody wants to share. Nobody wants to share. Yeah. We all have single friends, like amazing single friends, articulate and beautiful and successful. And I read somewhere where you said, get out of types. Whatever type is, it's keeping you really- Okay, let me, I gotta preface it because I always make it a little bit wrong than when I say it. Here's what I said. I like hair and height. So if that's two physical quirks I need to get cause I can't date the short ball guy, okay. But when you get so specific with the laundry list to the floor and he has to have a private plane and he has to live in this zip code. Like if you go to New York, there's zip code snobs in the city. Downtown won't date uptown. Uptown won't date west side. West side won't date Chelsea. It's like ridiculous. And I said, what about the guy who lives in New Jersey or Connecticut who has big money and bought into state? Oh, I'm never going, you know, of 201. I mean, it's like ridiculous. So when you get to be specific to the point where there's no looseness, you lose the magic. And that's where God comes in. That's where the universe aligns you to be in that plane where you meet the guy that you married or you're at the right party or you went to a wedding you didn't wanna go to, you know, or you were at work. So we have to open up the gates. We can't just be so rigid in our thinking. Beautiful. And here you are. You've worked with millionaires as a matchmaker. It's the premise of your show. What have you learned from the millionaires that you've worked with? Oh, they wanted, well, this is a really, the handsome or the millionaire, the easier he is to fix up and the nicer he is in appreciation to the matchmaker because he's gotten the hot girl and he never wants the hot girl, he wants the eight. Isn't that interesting? Like the sports guy who made, you know, a couple of million dollars, very successful. The Calabasas millionaire who bought the nicest state for those who live in Los Angeles. So, and then the uglier the millionaire, the ugly. I mean, I'm talking talk of ugly, okay? That ugly guy wants a 12. Giselle isn't good enough for him because he never got the, you know, the cheerleader in high school. So he's making up for small time and he has a pain in the ass. So we like the middle ground, you know, who kind of know who they are. They're looking for more than a pretty face. I like men who date age appropriately. That's my favorite. You know, age appropriately is a big deal because most men who are like turning 50 will not date to women in their 40s or 50s. They have to have the, you know, they maybe go up to 30 if they're lucky when they have money. And, you know, you have to realize there are plenty of good looking rich guys out there that don't join a matchmaker that are really good at dating. But the ones that come to us are like, kind of like I'm run out of options. I don't live in the right neighborhood to meet women. Everybody's married by me, you know, or I won't date at work. I'm a doctor and I work, you know, 60 hours a week, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. There are reasons why they come, you know? Or for instance, I had one yesterday where the guy said, I travel so much that I don't even know how to meet a girl anymore because he's always on a plane for work and he wanted someone to travel with them. So there's things like that. And in general, how successful do they need when they are millionaires? How successful? Oh, they don't need it all. No success, no success. Nail tech is fine to go. Hair dress are fine to go. And it's sad because I said, don't you want someone successful? And they go, no. Now here's the thing. The less money they have, the more successful they want. So the really rich, like the billionaire level, no. They want to take care of you. They're the alpha. They love taking care of women and spoiling them. Sometimes I have to yell at them because I said, if you leave with your money, you're gonna get what you pay for, okay? And we don't want a Russian Venmo hooker. So you have to be careful of that, you know? I want someone who's got a green card and knows what she's doing. And I like women that have their own little career. I'm an entrepreneur, so I love those women that started in their houses like you did. And you've got your own little talk show going, and they thought of like, my passion is going to become my project, which is going to become my career. I love women like that. We need more entrepreneurs. Well, I cannot thank you so much. You are hilarious, by the way. Thank you. And I cannot think of a better segue. Thank you, Patty. Because I think I do out in the world, I'm a visibility media expert. And so besides this show, which has been on air on podcasts for 13 years, Dear to Dream has sustained me. I appreciate the visibility it's given me. And I am a book writing coach. I also have a program that takes authors to a guaranteed international bestseller. And I teach the ultimate visibility formula, and the ultimate visibility formula is about to roll out. We're just gonna take a quick break here so I can tell you about it. Go to debbyd.net slash visibility, and it is my name, no e, d-e-b-b-i-d dot net slash visibility, how to be interviewed on radio and podcasts in 60 days or less, even without prior knowledge of publicity or even knowing where the shows are because I provide all of that, including live coaching. You will learn how to be interviewed on shows. You will learn where the shows are. You'll receive a list of the shows in the context. You'll have your media kit built in your pitch letter, have your speaking points. You'll know how to avoid freezing or fudging or getting nervous because you're gonna be very confident during the process. And the program is for people who want to be in authority in their field. In fact, entrepreneurs are perfect because visibility gets your name, your business, your message, your services out there more quickly than anything else. You can be interviewed within six weeks. Go to debbyd.net slash visibility. And if you're tuning in after we started, Debbie Daschinger on Dare to Dream, I'm interviewing matchmaker and relationship expert, Patty Stanger. You can go to their event coming up and we'll talk about that a little later on. And it is at www.infinitloveandmoney.com. Okay, Patty, there's a quote from Joseph F. Newton-Men, which reads, people are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. So I just want to talk a little bit about loneliness. How long are people in their lives? They're very lonely. I mean, we're friendly with Netflix, which, you know, not getting rid of tomorrow, but we're very lonely. We're in isolation. We live in our houses. We work from our homes for the first time in history, which no one's talked about because we use sub-connection at work, you know, besides the social groups that we joined or like the AA or whatever, we belong to the country club for golf. So we are very lonely. We, like in LA, it's a really lonely place compared to like I grew up in the East Coast. And when I was in Florida two weeks ago, it is like popping with you walk outside, you make a new friend. LA is like you gotta drive everywhere. And most friends don't want to drive to you or you to them. Like you're not getting in a car on a Friday at like three o'clock to go down to Orange County. That ain't happening. So we're in a place of disconnection and we don't want to admit it. Nobody wants to admit they're lonely, you know? And then the first thing you do is either you do drugs or alcohol to spill the boy and then you end up on anti-depressants and going to the doctor because what really is happening, you don't have that social fix that even our parents had back in the day. It's a very lonely time. That was sad. And it makes sense. And it's really true living in LA too. I concur. There's a really funny snobbery here much like you described that. Oh yes, completely. You live on the east side? I'm on the west side. No, I'm on the west side. I'm Marina Del Rey. But what I love about it is that there is a hum that when you get off the plane, you feel the sense of anxiety like everyone's treading water and going like that. Like a dog, right? Where you don't feel that in other states because we're obsessed with Hollywood. It rules our industry. It is not Wall Street. Wall Street shuts off at three o'clock only works five days a week. So we have an industry that's 24-7 like when Kobe's helicopter went down. We were all like gasping and we were in the middle of the Grammys. I was at the rehearsals. Everything was going crazy. So it's just a really hard time. It reminds me of 9-11. Right after 9-11, everybody was reaching out to those that we loved and feeling like there's a weight. It was one of my busiest days in business. Everybody wanted to get the call where they called a loved one and said, I love you, you are the love of my life. And so all these people were calling me going, I don't have, I haven't been married. I don't have a date. How do I find that connection that I watched on TV? We played those tapes over and over again. So it was really sad. So we're going through that right now. We're going through a time of fear. It's a fear time. Really, what's happening? Yeah, I agree. And I think the number one thing you have to do when you're in fear is meditate. The more you get into center with yourself, like I do trans and dental meditation, you don't have to do that, but I do TM twice a day. The more I get in center with myself, the less fear I have and the more I'm proactive and I get clarity. We want clarity. We want to know what is the next step to do that I know is going to succeed and I'm not wasting my time. And sometimes it'll be like, hey, you know, get out there and join a group, make a friend. You've been responsible for a lot of successful matches and marriages. So third generation matchmaker, I find that fascinating. Can you pull back the curtains a little bit? Lane, what is that gift like? What is it you see? What is it you intuit? How do you know how to do what you do? It's kind of good and bad. It has a curse quality to it, to be honest with you. So my grandmother married my mother off in her first marriage and it didn't end well, except I came out of that marriage. So she's like, I got to get married you again. And it was 1960 something, it was Mrs. Maisel era and nobody was really getting divorced yet and my mom was cheated on just like Mrs. Maisel and the rabbis in the temple said, to my grandmother, just like if you've watched the last season, I don't want to give too much away but there's a matchmaker, a new one coming to town so Rose had this gift of fixing people up so did my grandmother. And it's kind of a curse, you can feel whether or not people belong together. I remember when Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, Lakshton Kutcher got divorced from Demi and he had broken up and I said, oh, you should go out with Mila and everybody's like, are you crazy? They know each other from the 70s shows and Bravo took my quote, put it on the dish then Axel's Hollywood blew it up and it was like, it happened. So I'll get a feeling and a knowing that I can't stop and usually it ends up correct. Now in the same respect, when you're a matchmaker and you date, that's bad, because you see everything negative, most people lead with their negative foot and you're like, yeah, that's not gonna work so you're discarding more than accepting. And when you accept, sometimes you're like, God damn it, I knew I shouldn't have dated that guy. Why did I waste two years with him? So it's like, it's got its curse quality to it. Also, we're very intuitive. We can feel who's positive, who's negative, who's gonna do this, who's gonna do that. And then it can also work and work too, like in a business meeting, you're like, I shouldn't, the paperwork's great. Everything was good, but you know, not to go into business with that person and you do it and then you get screwed. You know, it's kind of the same quality. What do you have a matchmaker you can go to, that you can't? No, I do not. That sucks, that sucks, right? Yeah, that needs to change, for sure. There's not a lot of us out there. We're a very small community. We were growing and then the apps kind of gave us that Wall Street 2008 market crash. So we're all kind of coming back from it because people are realizing the apps are not the issue. The technology's great, technology's fantastic. They did a great job on these apps, you know, whether you watch Tinder, Match, whatever. But the quality of people that are attracted to it, you know, there's 130 single million people in the United States and only like 20% are on those apps and most of them, there's nothing wrong with blue collar, but if I'm educated and I went to college and I have a master's degree or I built a business, I want to date my own level. What we're finding is there's not enough men on those apps who come with those kinds of qualities, you know, and because it's free. And then the 2% net worth male is hiding. Like it never used to hide. I don't know if it had something to do with the Trump administration and what's going on. Nobody wants to spend money. It's a very weird time, but during Clinton, everybody, the streets were paved with gold and they were coming down from Silicon and renting houses. That's probably how Airbnb started. And they were doing the same thing in New York and Miami and all the major cities and they were like actively looking for women. Now it's kind of like they're pulled back. But I will say if you go to Silicon Valley, it's mostly men, you know, they're hoodies and you might have to take them to sacks to get new clothes, but you know, they're a work in progress. Okay girl, I am a certified wine specialist. So when I read P.S. wines, I, I'm in. Tell me about your wines and the selections. Well, we sold out on my original Sweet Red Sparkling which had 94 out of 100 points on wine spectators. So right now I'm looking for a new partner to revamp this because I inherited back from the people that were doing it and we didn't see eye to eye on the marketing. So I'm looking for an investor right now to bring it back to life because it has, it has the prestige from wine spectator which there's only two in the world. There's Rosa Rogali and us and they're red grapes from Italy. They're 100% organic and natural and what's really nice about it is you can add because it's a small alcohol content, you can add other alcohol to it. So I've done like vodka and tequila and I've made signature drinks like the cherry bomb out of it, stuff like that. So it's a low alcohol content but it's got flavor like you've never seen and we're gonna get that back and up and running. I'm working on that now. Yeah. Okay, good. I wanna know about it because, I mean. Sometimes you get into business with people and you think they have expertise and what I found out later is like this was not a good fit because I saw marketing in a different way. I come from Bravo and Bethany was skinny girl and I saw something completely different than they did. They were a little old school wine people but we'll get that back up. I'm not worried about that. Yeah, cool. And you could always check out, I used to be involved with this wine group where John Legend's label is. Oh really? It's called BOSET, B-O-I-S-S-E-T collection. So if you're ever interested I can. Okay, that sounds great. Yeah. Yeah, yes to the wines. Yes to the wines. I mean, my favorite thing is it has aphrodisiac qualities in there, you know. And I own part of Taikusaki, which is another brand. And so I learned a lot about aphrodisiacs and what flavors from vanilla to chocolate to me to be in the ingredients to get you a little zhuzh downstairs. Next thing I'm going into CBD and weed because I love that stuff. That's my favorite stuff, yeah. As I just heard somebody say on television the other day, yes, I'm getting a little damp in the basement. Yes, yes, that's exactly right. Yes, nice, nice, nice that she's still getting damp. That's right. I hear a lot of women are not. There's a little bit of a deserter out there, you know? Yeah, pretty important, pretty important for that love. So we started out and you made the remark that there are secrets, love and money. Is there a connection? Yes, there's a connection. And money. Well, most men feel if they don't have money, they can't date. Isn't that an interesting thing? They don't realize you don't have to go to the most expensive hotel to take the person out. Like you can literally come up. There's like 100 free things to do in LA and I once went on there and I was telling my ex like, you need to do these things. I love these things like, because there was a lot of cool things in there I had never done, you know? And so all you have to do is get creative. It doesn't have to be about the money. Sometimes the guy who's the most romantic wins the girl over the richest guy who doesn't have like anything upstairs. So I don't agree with that. There is a disconnect that if I didn't make money I'm not worth it. So I'm not worth love. So see how that works together? I'm not worth it. I didn't get the big house. So I didn't get the promotion. I didn't get the nice car. I can't go on vacation. I can't send my kids to camp. And therefore I just, oh, no one's gonna want me. Who's gonna want me? It's just like weight with women. Women are heavier. They're like, oh, that's it. Until I lose that 30 pounds, I'm not going on a date. Women do that a lot. Men don't do that, but women do that a lot. So it's the same feeling. It's basically worthlessness. And who's to say, how much money do you need to make to be happy? So I always tell this to people and when they make the list they go, I don't need very much. I go, right. But you're reaching for Oprah stars. You know, you want the private plane and the Warren Buffett live or the Bill Gates and it's ridiculous. Do you really want to be that way? You got to pay a lot of people to take care of your shit. Yeah. Yeah, or whatever, right? So I always tell people, like, what do you really need to make you happy? And you'd be surprised. That's why people downsize when they get older. They don't need all the big stuff or the clothes. I haven't bought, you know, this year I went on this weird thing. My friend gave me a challenge. I have a lot of clothes in my closet. I never wore it from the days I was on the air. And she said to me, I dare you not to buy one item of clothing this year, where what's in your wardrobe. And I did all of last year that way. You shopped in my closet. And I shopped from my closet. Now I have a big closet and I am a junkie. It is fashion, you know, is my passion. But I was like amazed how many ticketed items still were in style that I never wore shoes. I'm a shoe whore as anybody's seen on my Instagram when I went, I cleaned out all the shoes and I'm selling them. And the other thing was I said, if I sell stuff, then I get a little extra money as my bonus to go shopping, but it cannot be from something new. I'd have to sell to replace. Yeah. That's excellent. I did a little test. So you'd be surprised. The other thing was I also felt like, why do I have all this? So when I was going through the Marie Kondo experience, I was like, why do I have all this? Where did this, I could have gone to your five times first class around the world. What was this for? And so you start to take a step back of like, how many Birkins do you need? How many Chanel's? Like, who am I impressing? Who am I impressing? I teach you that, you know, Suzy Orman is a big mentor of mine. I teach you that money is basically balanced, but we don't talk about that. We talk about money as image, you know? It's really interesting. It's basically balance. If you have money and it's flowing and you're paying the bills, you have no anxiety, you have no worry, right? You have no worry, you have no anxiety, you date. You feel good. I can go anywhere. I can buy anything. I can do anything I want to do. So they're kind of connected in a very serious way. Now, there are those who can manifest money, like me. I'm really good at saying I want something, let's go. But then there are those who can't manifest love, but they get it money. And then the reverse happens. I'm good at love and I'm not good at money. And very few people can do both. So we're gonna teach you the tricks of the secrets. We have like five secrets of how to manifest both. So there's some patica together. Beautiful. And you're gonna be able to make a goal for a year, one goal for a year that is attainable, not crazy. And it won't be fame-based. I won't allow fame in the house. So you can't say to me, I wanna be famous. Okay, what is fame mean to you? Does that mean you get more money? Does that mean you get more love? Do you get better health? What do you get from fame? Because fame is not a goal. It's not an intangible. You can't hold it in your hands. When you're in love, you can hold a person. You can actually physically hold money in the bank. So tell me this event coming up. Right. Love and money. You're doing it with my pals, Orna and Maddie. Well, sure, yes. Let's talk about what are people, you're talking about what they're gonna get out of it. Right. When is it, and who are you looking for? Who do you need to know about that? It's in March, you have the website, infiniteloveandmoney.com. We're only taking 40 candidates. So if you wanna sign up, you gotta sign up now, even if it's just an inquiry call, because it's very, very secret elite top of the line. Think of Soho house secrets. You know, like if you wanna join a club that you wanna belong to, it's very secret. Now these are the millionaire secrets that I know, the billionaires. I fixed up Sumner Redstone. I mean, I know billionaires. I grew up in Short Hills, New Jersey, one of the wealthiest suburbs on the East Coast. I've been around money my whole life. So we're gonna teach you how to get from where you are. If you've got poverty consciousness, which 90% of the population has, we're gonna undo the poverty consciousness. And I have a trick that I use, it's basically like a meditation, meteorology where it's like something that I'm going to unhook, something in your brain that's going to go away from the block. Okay. A good friend of mine is Marisa Peer. If you look at her up on YouTube, she's one of the biggest hypnotherapists in the world. I work with her consciously on a regular basis and she believes there are three reasons what happened in your childhood to set up the trajectory of why you think about poverty or love. Wow. Three reasons. And we take you to those three places. I'm also going to teach you how to get in the flow of money by spending money, which nobody wants to do. Even if it's just $100. There's a great game that Esther Hicks has in her Love Attraction series. It's the prosperity game. And I've been playing that for a hundred years. I've kind of tweaked it to my own version, but it works like a charm because we used to write checks and now we don't do that. We do direct deposit. So you have to be on the computer and we would make a fake checking account and then put $1,000 and $2,000 and every day we would spend it. And we got to a place where there was so much shit we bought, there was nothing left to buy. But the money kept coming in like on a regular deposit. When you get in the flow of that, money starts to flow. People who owe you money start paying you back. You get something in the mail that was unexpected, a check from the insurance company. You get a job offer with more money or a promotion or it's something as simple as winning a lottery or going to gambling in Vegas. Like money starts to come to you in very different ways. And I teach you that trick. Also on the love side with the Walters cause they are relationship experts and they are married and they're fabulous. I've worked with them before, they've been on my show. We're going to teach you the blocks of why love is not flowing to you. That doesn't mean you're not going to actively have to go out of the house and do something. It's not like the secret. You know, it's like, it's not, if you've tried the secret or law of attraction and you've been disappointed by it, then we have the goods because we're teaching people to shift and get clarity. Clarity and love, clarity and money, even clarity and health, which I do all the time when I'm not feeling good. I just got off the flu and my flu time was half the time of the two weeks on the norovirus than a week because I shifted my consciousness. My doctor was like, how did you get over the flu so quickly? I'm like, I'm a manifestor. I can manifest anything. Like he was like in shock that I did that cause everybody was down for three weeks on the norovirus. Okay, so we're going to teach you the techniques of law of attraction that didn't work for you. There are specific steps that we use that is really our infinite love and money methods. And the Walters and I are like on the same page when it comes to love and money. So we're teaching you tricks that will help you rendezvous quickly with whatever you need. We don't want to give it too much away today but I will give you one technique is singing. Okay. Stop the presses. Patty said singing. Is this karaoke? Is this? No, singing doesn't have to be karaoke. You don't have to go anywhere. Singing in your house to your favorite tunes and Spotify or iTunes and making a playlist of your happy music. You make a happy music list. You sing along to, you can get the words online right now. That's my favorite part. You can go Google the words and you start singing. Your dopamine and serotonin raises to a crescendo. When you feel good about that, you're gonna basically get into a place we call the zone and you're gonna be able to see what you crave and feel and want. Then you'll go to sleep. You'll wake up the next morning, straightness will start moving. So the whole secret is to move the energy. And it's not like you can't do work. So it's not like you're just sitting in an ivory tower like a monk and just going, here it is. It's not like that. You know, there's still work to be done. Like you'll get like, I'm really hungry and I don't eat pizza. I'm craving pizza. Where's the best pizza in my area? You go to the pizza shop, there's the hot guy getting pizza and he's saying, I don't know why I never eat pizza. I've seen this before a million times. So it's getting the serotonin and the dopamine which is the happy factor into your DNA. Remember, everything is, the brain is controlling everything in your body. But you're predetermined to a certain type of subset of DNA. It's like biohacking. If you know anything about biohacking. So we're gonna biohack the brain so that we get into a happy place where we don't have worry about what our lack is. Love, money, health. And then it's going to come, but it's going to give you clarity to take steps towards the action of what you want and thus will create the manifestation. So there's tricks. There's tricks, basic tricks. Whenever I'm down or depressed, I mean, this week was really depressing with Kobe, right? We all felt like, I mean, the energy in LA is just beyond anything you've ever felt. So what happens is you get into a place of depression over something like that. And then you go to a place of appreciation, right? Cause you're like, oh my God, thank God I'm alive. Thank God I still got my kids. Thank God, I'm never gonna get in a helicopter again because we found out today that the whole NTSB, FAA was all messed up. They didn't have security measures and whatnot. And now you're like, well, I would check that the next time I got in a helicopter. So we're learning as we go and then we're saying to ourselves, you know what? I'm really grateful. Grateful that I'm here. Grateful that I'm over the flu. Grateful that I've got a great job and I'm helping people. Grateful. And then gratefulness brings in those things you desire because when you're grateful, you're happy. And when you're happy, you attract other happy people. Without a doubt. 100%. But it's a simpatico thing. Like nobody talks about it. They just think you sit there, meditate. Look, you can visualize all freaking day long, Shaki Gao in 101 from the beginning who started it all and it won't come. And you're like, well, I want to come, but I spent time and I was really happy and I went into my visualization. I don't understand why it's not coming. And it's because you're not in harmony. It's not so much love attraction. You're not in harmony with the desire without worry. So I was taught a long time ago, when you worry, that's resistance. We all know that, right? You push the thing away that you want the most, right? But what if I told you, if you worry, you'd still get what you want? Yes. That is the fine law of attraction, right? Cause I've taught that to people and what has happened? I said, okay, so you're really worried you're not going to get into college. I had one of my friends kids and she wants to go to Yale and she's like, I'm not going to get in. I just know it. I'm only going to have to go to GW. Oh wow, GW. So I said to her, what about GW? Is it good? He's like, well, they have hotter guys. I did go to the campus and they had better food. I tasted the food. I spent the weekend there. And it is a cooler city Washington than New Haven. I go, oh, well then it sounds like it's a pretty good match for you. And the next day she got into Yale, but she was worried the whole time, the 24 hours, she was worried. And I said to her, you know what it was? You were realizing worse came to worse. I can still go to GW, have a happy experience, even though I prefer Yale and I'm really longing. You were still longing. It's like longing for the guy to call the number one guy that you want. I always tell people date a pair and a spare because the top seed may not come through, right? He's the one you can't wait to call. You're like, you're waiting by the phone. You're checking your text messages. You're checking if he's on Facebook or Instagram or whatever, right? And then the second seed is usually the cusper. The one you're like, yeah, he's really cute, but he's kind of short. Doesn't lot of money, but he took me out to a really nice dinner. He's got a lot of ambition, but he's not where he wants to be. So they're the cusper, right? And usually the cusper is the one that comes in as the marriage partner because the cusper is the one you're most relaxed and comfortable with without worry. That's not to say number one can't come around. And usually when you accept the cusper, what happens? Number one comes back and says, hey, listen, I was dating someone else. It didn't work out, but I realized you were the better deal. Yeah, bye, dude, found somebody else. So then you end up with a cusper. Well, there's a cusper and then the third person is the best friend. The one you never dream about dating, but you do everything with, you can fart, you can burp, he doesn't really care, he loves you who you are. And sometimes the best friend comes in because the best friend has been there the whole time. And no guy hangs out with a girl, it'd be straight unless he wants to, you know what I mean? I know what you mean. I got to number. Yeah, this is, oh my God, this is like comedy. I gotta tell you, we're gonna take a very quick break and then we'll, Patty, thank you for making me laugh so much. This has been, this is so far like incredibly enjoyable for me. Folks, this is Dare to Dream. I feature on this show very successful leaders who have created important goals and how about you? We're talking here about infinite love and money, right? So doesn't that sound great? What would you do if you knew that you couldn't fail? What would you do if you were ready to live big and bold and free? You can become part of the Dare to Dream podcast. You can join this number one transformation conversation available today, help the show. You can donate money, donate a dollar, cup of coffee or more. Go to patreon.com slash dare to dream. I post the shows there and much, much more when you join. So if you appreciate this program and like the do to carbonite today, clearly this show goes out really far. If you're enjoying the insights here offered to help you fulfill your life and your big purpose, learn the ways to live healthy and create your big dreams. Join us at patreon.com slash dare to dream. This is Debbie Daschinger, Dare to Dream. I'm interviewing matchmaker relationship expert, Patty Stanger. And again, the event coming up is that infinite love and money. Remember, they're only taking 40 people. You do need to register in order to be, I assume vetted if you're a good fit for this. And it sounds like you're going to be delivering a lot. So Ms. Patty, this is Dare to Dream. What do you next dare to dream? What are your future? Well, you know, it's really interesting. I, here's a good manifestation story. So I took a break from several of my shows. I still produce and I wanted to do scripted TV, not acting but producing and creating content. And I went on a date with a guy who used to, who does that sort of thing. And I pitched him an idea and he, the guy wasn't for me but we became best friends. And he says, oh my God, that's so weird. That's perfect for Hallmark. And I go, I love Hallmark. I've been watching Hallmark nonstop. Again, years ago had the flu, got into the Christmas. It's basically, you know, Christmas crack. But you don't have to watch Hallmark just for Christmas because it's 365 and the best rom comes you'll ever watch. So I gave him the idea and he took it to Hallmark and we sold it and we sold eight movies called A Matchmaker Mysteries with Danica McKellar, our first one aired in December, the next one will be in March. And then I sold another rom-com like Right Before Christmas and I'm like in this movie business of producing and I'm about to do horror too. And everyone told me, oh, you'll never jump the reality, you'll never jump the reality shark to get into script and no one will ever accept you there. And I go, yeah, watch me. And that's what I mean about your guidance system, you're knowing, going for your passion, stop listening to anybody else. Someone tells you you can't do something saying, you know what, seriously. Because the truth is nobody knows better than you what you should be doing. But people told me, no, it's no different than someone saying you'll never be an actor, you'll never be a singer, you'll never be a dancer, you'll never be a stockbroker, you'll never be a lawyer, you'll never be a doctor. Whatever your passion is, it will lead you to the right place. Sometimes you have ups and downs, took a long time for a millionaire matchmaker to get on the air. We kept going up and down and up and down until Bravo, lovely, came along. I was with another network before that. So you never know what tomorrow brings, you know? And that was a great money thing because I said, I wanna go into a different business where I'm self-supported, I am enjoying the process, it's creative and I made a list of everything I wanted and it's everything on that list and I'm so grateful to Hallmark because it really was awesome to work there. Yeah, I want to say just to support you 100%. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing and that's what having a dream is all about and part of the journey is the not knowingness. Right, and I took a risk. I took a risk, I took two years off, I said I'm not gonna go back on the air, I'm gonna do something else because doing a television show is very time consuming, I produced it as well, you know, and I'm in all the phases of the show. So it takes like nine months and then you collapse for three. So I needed a break and I said, I'm gonna do behind the scenes, I'm gonna get in and I had this vision of what it would look like exactly the vision came. Like it's exactly what I predicted and what was really interesting about it, it's opening the gates to other networks, I have other networks calling me now and asking me to come up with similar things or now we're getting into the horror business because I love supernatural witches and demons and angels, that's like my whole little genre and buying options on books. And so it's really exciting and it was something that people said, you're too old. No one's gonna pay attention, no one's gonna take you seriously. And I went, okay, whatever, yeah. And that's kind of like what you have, you're gonna make a statement about something you want, financially, work wise, love wise, and people are gonna go, you're nuts, you're crazy. I bet you they told you that when you started this like show. And then you're gonna be like, yeah, but I feel it, I know it. So if you feel it in your note, which is what we're trying to get you, we're trying to get to a place of like the gut, the gut response, the all-knowing gut. Remember, it's the second brain. When you get to that gut place, all steam ahead, nobody's gonna be able to stop you, no one. Patty, right here at the end, leave us with this. What are a couple of things women can do in love? To create a sustainable life partner. What do you see all the time that you wish, if only I could say this to women, like- Well, I mean, I think negotiation. We go into these relationships and we keep our mouth shut and we're quiet and demure and we don't wanna rock the boat and we don't state what we think and feel and want and desire. And we're afraid if we do, the men will run away. Oh, she's paying the ass. Well, you know what? He's paying the ass. Because there are things that may not blend with you and you're gonna have to have like the Dak Shepherd story. Like he said, I feel controlled because you made me fall two towels. I'm like, okay, well, that's ridiculous. You know what I'm saying? So you have to have negotiation in your relationship where you're gonna live, how are you gonna live? Who's gonna pay the bills? Oh my God, the money talk. The money talk. How many women don't talk about the money until it's too late? And sometimes they end up supporting the man. Let's not forget that. They're a male gold diggers too. The other thing is that when an issue happens, people get silent and they bury the lead. They go to bed that night and then it stews. And then the next thing you know, you're sleeping in separate bedrooms. So you need to get, look, if it's happening 11 o'clock at night, you can say, look, can we talk at breakfast? Great, make 15 minutes time for me. I always say to a man, my favorite technique to a man is to say, this is a good time for us to talk, because I need to talk to you. Tell me when's a good time? And if he can't give you a good time, he's an avoider, which is gonna create more problems and he may not be your match. Because this business that men are this way, the Mars and Venus theory is really not accurate. You know, all men are not one way. All, I see more men like women and more women like men now. So this is not true anymore, especially since we started making money and running our own businesses. We are no longer, you know, like women are this and men are like that. That's ridiculous. We have to become men in some ways because we have to support ourself because nobody's supporting it for us, especially if you're a single mother and you got kids. I mean, feel for them what they're going through. So if you don't state your negotiation, learn how to negotiate, learn how to put a smile on it, to take the tone down, no bitterness, no negativity, no criticism and just say, I need this because this makes me feel X. How do we, how can we get to a place to do that? Throw it on him. He doesn't come up with a solution. You got a communication problem and that means you're headed to therapy. When he can't communicate with you, you are headed to therapy because you need a bipartisan person. Deep, that's very deep and communications, everything. Okay, so negotiation big. The finance talk big. Communication big. And what about men? What are the things they need to show up for to create long-lasting love? I think men need to stop thinking that once they got the girl, they're not planning the date anymore. I think that the secret sauce was that they planned it and that's why women showed up. And I think if they start planning things, fun, romantic things, doesn't have to be expensive, you're gonna get a lot more nooky with that. You know what I mean? It's like women love to reward, but men don't realize that. The other thing is the housework situation. If you're living in a house with someone, you're married or not, and you're not, she's doing all the housework and you're not, she's going to resent you and close the drawbridge. It's just simple Sally's syrup. You've got to chip in, whether you do, I say they're blue jobs and they're paint jobs. So if you want to do, take out the garbage, which I love, right? Or walk the dog and pick up the poo, I love. And I'm doing the laundry. That's a, you know, an even swap. You know, that sort of thing. Or you can pick up dinner now and then don't expect the woman to make all the meals. That's another thing that I hear a lot about. The other thing is that men have a tendency to withhold feelings because they're taught not to feel from infancy. So if you're going through something that's bothering you, like this man calling you up and saying, we're breaking up, we're breaking up. I'll bet you, if you took that couple in front of me, he was withholding his feelings for a very long time until she said, I want to leave. Yeah. I want to leave. And they're not having a once a week stop and chat. I had a whole couple recently who did not communicate because they were always passing ships in the night. Their shifts were different during the day. He worked at night, she worked in the day and they barely spoke. And when Sunday came, I said, what do you do? And they go, we just want to be quiet. I said, you need 10 minutes of talk time to get the week out. Oh, I don't think I can do it. It went on for weeks. And finally I sat them down and I said, okay, you talk. Tell me what your issues are. You talk, tell me what your issues are. Okay, now we're going to come to an agreement for this and agreement. And now they have 10 minutes every week and they love it. They look forward to it and it expands it to brunch. They go to brunch every Sunday. They made it like an event. But you have to make it so that it's not scary. You're not criticizing. You're not putting them down. You're not calling them stupid. There's a lot of that going around. And when we fight, we fight below the belt. Yeah, it's very attack. No more fighting below the belt, above the belt. You don't have to hit them where it hurts just to be right. Totally, right. Attacking is never going to get you heard also, which is ultimately what we all want. And I want to say to your point, it is so important men, men, men, because I know I have like a huge male population listening right now. And I really beseech you that if you want nookie, and most of us want it as much as you do. Me too. Yeah. What's just going is when you show up romantically, when you say those affirming things. You look so beautiful today. You're the best looking woman in this room. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you, even if you've been together five years. Or if you touch us, grab my hand, your arm on my shoulder, put that jacket on when I'm shivering at night. My favorite is when you're in the car and he's driving, and he puts his hands out if he's stopping short or the light changes. Like little things that are free, opening the car door, getting the waiter to come over and fill your diet Coke. Like stupid stuff that costs nothing. I'm always like, this is where you feel taken care of and where you're just gonna blossom. You're gonna blossom. You're gonna want to give him everything. But they don't think that. They think that they only do that in the stage to get you and then they stop. And then you're like, wait a second. Like I remember my ex saying to me, where's the quiet girl that was on all those dates? I'm like, where's the guy that was romantic? Maybe they should date. You know what I mean? Like we had this little joke about how we changed our personas. And I said, look, we're all in our best behavior. But I go, the truth is you stopped planning and I became the man in planning. And once I resented you, you became my couch potatoes, pot smoking, basement sun that I don't want to sleep with anymore because I'm doing all the work. Yeah. And it's unattractive. I mean, I'm really there with you. And the simple things, what Patty's saying is true. Look, we love a nice dinner out in the nice hotel, but if you've got a rose bush, pick a few roses and bring them. Surprise me. Take me to a picnic and bring a bottle of wine and some cheese. It can be so simple, but it won't fall off. The littlest thing, your favorite dish, your favorite that, you know? Like, you know, picking up a present. So it touches my first language and my second is gifts because my father would go on the road as a salesman and bring back chachkies and that's how I knew he loved me. So I was like, why do I only get a gift on my birthday or Christmas? Like, why don't you just pick something? And I would always give gifts to the guys and it would irritate me that they wouldn't give it back the way I did it even if it's something small, doesn't it? Or throwing that card, you know, and putting it into your pillow, a little love card. Little stuff. When you're traveling, that's the best thing, you open your suitcase when you get to the new city, state, or country and your beloved has tucked all these little love notes in your suitcase and you're so surprised and overflowing. I see more women planning the vacation because they're the budgeter of the family and then they end up making the plans for the restaurant or the venue and the things that you do there. You know, the activities. And then the girl's exhausted. She's like, I'm like, I don't even feel like I went on vacation because I did it all. With so sexy is when a man checks in at the airport, you know, and gets the tickets going and puts the luggage away and you're just sitting there all pretty and just going, I'm going on vacation because now I want to jump your bones. Because remember, the more work you give a woman, the more tired she is, the less she's going to have energy to give to you. Mike drop. That's all we got to say, folks. That was profound. Thank you, Patty, for coming in the show. Thanks for having me. This was awesome conversation. Congratulations on your success. Thank you. And I end this show with this quote from Andre Breton, which is, love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself. I recommend that you subscribe to the show and tune in to the upcoming interviews. When you subscribe to Dear to Dream podcast, here's what's coming up and who's coming up next on this number one transformation conversation. Upcoming guests are James Redfield, who wrote the Celestine prophecies, the channel Paul Selling, Dr. Shamini Jain, boy, she gonna share some interesting things and the amazing third time on her show, on this show, Dr. Sue Mortar, she always blows our minds with the conversation. If you love this podcast and you'd like to see me and the guest, if visual is your speak, then go to youtube.com slash Debbie Dashinger. And remember the secret of success is having the courage to begin in the first place. Thanks for joining us today.