 You want to know why my channel, The Rewired Soul has the best subscribers ever because you give me some amazing suggestions for videos and you give me resources and stuff like that. And one of the subscribers by the name of Weird Like A Fox, by the way, love that name. I always make jokes like a fox and people think I'm corny, but whatever. So I get you. I get you. But anyways, she made a comment on one of my A3 videos about people, you know, getting outraged and, you know, things like that. And we were having a back and forth and she's like, have you seen this thing about the drama triangle? I'm like, no. So I click on the video. It's a very short video. And I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, this is amazing. And I need to make a video about it right now. Everybody this is Chris from The Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about helping you improve your mental and emotional well-being. And part of that is improving your relationships. So if you're into that kind of stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. So today we're going to be talking about relationships, not just with like a significant other, but the relationships with your parents, with your friends, you know, and things like that. And this topic of the drama triangle really, really fascinated me because it makes sense. Like I do a ton of videos about things going on in the drama community and try to teach you what lessons that you can learn. And this drama triangle that weird like a fox showed me, I'm like, holy crap, this is perfect because I'm always trying to show you what's going on in the community and try to teach you how you can improve the situation and what's in your control. All right. So I'm going to provide some resources down below. One of them is the video that weird like a fox sent me and then I found a TEDx talk about it. So this drama triangle, I want you to look at this, this video and I'll remind you at the end, I want you to ask yourself what role do you play when drama is going on? What role are you playing? And another fun game that you guys can all play is as you're watching YouTube, especially if you're into drama YouTube, ask yourself, what role is this person playing? All right. So the drama triangle was presented by a man by the name of Stephen Cartman back in like 1968. So whenever, you know, there's these like emotionally fueled events or AKA drama, there's three different roles typically that people are playing in them. All right. First, you have the victim. Okay. The victim is somebody with an external locus of control. When I'm talking about the victim, I'm going to talk a lot about locus of control. Okay. So external locus of control is somebody who feels like they have no, you know, no power over the outcomes that happen in any of their situations. They're always playing the victim. For example, if they're getting in trouble at work, it's not their fault, right? It's the traffic or the boss doesn't like them or whatever it is. Or if it's somebody getting bad grades at school. It's not their fault for not studying. It's the teacher's fault. The teacher didn't like them or the teacher didn't teach properly and things like that. Or it's just the whole world's out to get them. Anybody else ever play the victim? Hi, I have. So this involves an external locus of control. Studies have proven that people with more of an external locus of control, they have more symptoms of anxiety and more symptoms of depression. So we need to work on getting that external locus of control to more of an internal locus of control. So when drama is happening, the victim feels very attacked. So the next role that people play in this drama triangle is the rescuer. All right? The captain save a person, okay? The rescuer is somebody who enables the victim's behavior, right? And they're there and they're helping solve all of their problems. So like what's really interesting when we look at how these relationships kind of cross over and intertwine is that the role of the rescuer and the victim is very codependent. So the rescuer only feels like they have purpose when they're trying to save the other person. And then the victim, they can only feel better by letting somebody else deal with their problems. And as the rescuer, like you'll see how these roles, like as you kind of like learn about this and really reflect on it, you'll see how these roles can change. Here's what I mean by that. The rescuer who's constantly trying to rescue people, they can then switch to the victim role, right? Maybe with other people. So let's say that you're always trying to help out your friend. You're always trying to help out your friend. They're not doing anything to improve their lives. You're always trying to help them out. Well, to them, to your friend, you're the rescuer. But with your family who you keep complaining to, you're the victim. Oh my God, this person takes advantage of me. Why can't people just do that? You see what I mean? So these roles kind of change and your role might change depending on the situation, all right? So the last one is the persecutor, all right? And this is one of the reasons why we're like a fox suggested this drama triangle to me was because we see this on the internet all the time. This is something we see a lot with this moral outrage on the internet, right? All this like, you know, offendedness and all these other things. These are people who are just constantly angry at the world and they're just constantly yelling at people and saying, you need to do this. These are people who thinks that the entire world should behave in the way that they think they should. This is something that I used to struggle with a lot and that's where a lot of my anger stemmed from. I was constantly the persecutor, right? If you would only do things the way I thought you should or if you would only think the way I thought you should, then everything would be fine, right? Like, I thought that all of my opinions, all of my views were absolutely correct. So the persecutor can also be playing a role of a rescuer when they're sticking up for the victim. But sometimes they're sticking up for a victim when the victim didn't even want to be stuck up for. This is something and I highly recommend all of you go watch Daniel Schloss if you're into comedy. He just put two Netflix specials out. I want to do a video about it when it comes to relationships. But what he talks about is nobody asks you to be Batman, all right? And you see a lot of people with this persecutor role. They're always trying to play Batman. They're always trying to get involved in things like that and get outraged for no reason. And it's absolutely bananas, right? But this can do harm to your relationships because you're always, oh, we think that it's a great trait to always speak your mind and speak your truth. Well, sometimes you come off like a real jerk so it's probably affecting your relationships. All right, so we got the three roles. We got the victim, we got the rescuer, we got the persecutor. Y'all follow me? I hope you are because I can't hear you if you say yes, all right? So look at the situation. What role do you play? Or in different situations, like, are you a victim? Are you a rescuer? Are you a persecutor? Depending on what the situation is in this lovely drama triangle, all right? But you know what we do here at the Rewired Soul? We talk about the problem but focus on the solution, baby. So let's get started. First, let's talk about the victim. Going back to the victim. The victim is somebody with a very external locus of control. They have no control over their circumstances. The whole world's out to get them. People are just causing their pain and their misery. So with the victim, if you're playing the victim role, you need to start working on more of an internal locus of control. And this can be great to overcome through something as simple as journaling or just keeping mental lists in your head. Start asking yourself questions like, what do you want, right? What do you want? What are the steps that you can take to reach that goal, all right? How can you bring this external locus of control to an internal one? What steps can you take to change your situation, all right? A lot of what we're gonna be talking about with the solution to all of this is self-awareness. And people don't like that. People don't like looking at themselves and seeing flaws but listen, we have to do it to improve our mental health. So these are steps that the victim can take. Another great step that a victim can take is a gratitude list, okay? I talk about this all the fricking time because it's so beneficial, all right? Because when you play the victim, you are wiring your brain for negative, okay? You notice negative way more than you notice positive. So the way you counteract that is through a gratitude list. Five things a day, just five, that's it. Write them down, jot them down mentally. The other day I was driving and I was feeling a little bummed out and what was me self-painting, dah, dah, dah. I was just driving and ran through a gratitude list in my head. I'm grateful I have a car. I'm grateful my car has air conditioning here in Las Vegas. I was on my way to the gym. I'm grateful that I have money to afford a gym membership. You know what I'm saying? These are very, very simple things that you can do to get out of that victim mentality, all right? Get that internal locus of control. What steps can you take to improve your life regardless of the outside circumstances? All right, next, the rescuer. What's the solution for the rescuer? All right, so the rescuer needs to switch from more of an enabler to a teacher, right? So there's that old saying, right? You catch a fish for a man, he eats for a day. You teach a man how to fish and he can eat for the rest of his life. This is so, so true. And this is something that I have had to learn working in the mental health field for so, so, so long because I get a rescuer mentality all the time and I wanna do things like, you know, for example, last night with my son's homework, I just wanted to do it for him, but that's not gonna help him at all. I can't solve all of his problems. This is very true as a parent, but especially with friends or with the clients I work at at the mental health treatment facility I was working at, I couldn't fix all of their problems. What I had to do and what I try to do with my YouTube channel is give you the tools to get that internal locus of control. I try to talk to you and ask you questions. What can you do to improve your situation? And a lot of this is learning how to set up clear boundaries especially with yourself and knowing what you can and can't control in the other person. And if that other person isn't willing to better themselves and improve themselves, you need to set up very hard boundaries and say, sorry, you continue to stay in this victim role and you don't gotta use those words when you're saying this, but if somebody continues to stay in that victim role, you gotta cut them off until they are willing to come out of that victim role on their own, all right? So instead of being the enabler, become the teacher, all right? So then there is the persecutor, all right? As a persecutor, we need to just simply calm down, okay? We need to ask ourselves, am I getting outraged for somebody else? So a long time ago when I started working on my mental health, I had to write down a list of all these resentments I had, right? And I started to see, I had a lot of resentments for other people. Like I was mad at this person because they were treating this person poorly. You see what I mean? And like I have to focus on me if I wanna improve this thing. Like how many times am I getting involved in something or caring far too much about something that really doesn't involve me? You know what I mean? So it's important to start being self-aware when you are doing this. A great way to do that is to start practicing mindfulness meditation. You start to notice where your brain goes at different times. You start to notice when you wanna start playing Batman and jumping in and getting outraged about these different issues. Now, what you can do, because I'm not telling you to get rid of your morals or your beliefs or never to voice your opinion or anything like that. But what they talk about is from going from a persecutor to a challenger, like you can challenge things, but watch your emotions, right? Watch how emotionally you invested, you get into this. Like this is one of the main reasons why people can't just have calm debates when two people have different views on something because there's just this constant attack, attack, attack. And when you attack one person, it triggers the fight or flight response in their brain and then they start attacking or they shut down. You know what I mean? So it becomes this cycle. So we can still have these conversations without getting so morally outraged about stuff as a persecutor, all right? So those are the three roles, all right? The victim, the rescuer and the persecutor, all right? We talked about all of the problems. We talked about all of the solutions, okay? So again, I want to thank Weird Like a Fox for suggesting this video. I really hope a lot of people see this video or even those who do see this video, they can start looking at this. So again, like I said at the beginning of this video, let's do this down in the comments below, all right? You can answer one or both of these questions. What role do you find yourself playing a lot, all right? In this drama triangle? Is it the victim, the rescuer or the persecutor? Okay, that's question number one. Question number two, who in the YouTube community, right? Or even celebrity culture. Who do you see and in what roles? So something I was talking to my girlfriend and her best friend about when I was talking about this video is Shane Dawson. I see Shane Dawson playing the rescuer a lot, right? So that's an interesting thing. So I want to hear from you, like, do you see anybody who is also a rescuer? Do you see somebody who's always playing the victim? Do you see somebody who's always a persecutor? Or in certain scenarios, they play these different roles, all right? I can't wait to see your comments down below. Okay, cool. So that's all I got for you today. I love this video. Thanks again, Weird Like Fox. And if you like this video, make sure you give it a thumbs up. And if you're new here, I'm always making videos just to help you out with your mental and emotional wellbeing. Make sure you subscribe, ring that notification bell and a huge thank you to everybody who's supporting the channel over on Patreon. You help me create these videos to spread a message of hope to everybody out there. And if you would like to help support the channel, go ahead and click or top on that Patreon icon right there. All right, thanks so much for watching. Stay out of the drama triangle and I'll see you next time.