 Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Phil Harris Alice Fay show presented transcribed by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugist here to welcome you for all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent drugists who have chosen to make the word Rexall part of our own store names. We've done that because we believe in the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company. And we've put the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows to let you know we recommend and sell them. Bismarrex is a good example of the quality of these products. This famous Rexall antacid often brings relief from acid indigestion within five minutes. Neutralizing excess acidity and leaving a soothing protective covering on irritated stomach membranes. Quality like that of Bismarrex is what we family drugists are talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to you all from Rexall. And now your Rexall family drugist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos and Whitfield. Walter Sharpen is music yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. Next week Phil and Alice are sailing for Europe where Phil and Jack Benny are playing a three weeks engagement at the Palladium Theatre in London. Phil has decided to take Frankie with him and as we look in, Phil, Alice and Frankie are discussing the trip. Curly, tell me once more, after we play London where do we go? Paris. We'll be on the loose just you and I. And me and my monkey wrench. What monkey wrench? In case you boys get too loose I'll be there to tighten you up. Oh that's right you're going too. Hey Frankie you know something? We're really going to have a fine time. Look, we'll spend every night at the Louvre. Yeah. We're going to live it up. I heard a lot about the Louvre. I'm glad to hear you fellas talk that way because the Louvre is one of the most famous museums in the world. A museum? How do you like that? When people rave about it, I thought it was at least a burlesque house. You want to know something Remly? We got to investigate these places before we go to see them. Because if we ain't careful we're liable to find ourselves educated. You know on second thought, maybe we better not go to Paris. Well if you don't want to go dear, you don't have to. Well yeah Curly and me will go and we'll bring you back some presents. We'll get you some of that famous French perfume. Yeah. Hey yeah, we'll get you a couple of bottles of that Kuvasier. Feel like a brandy. It is. Just picture myself dabbing Kuvasier behind my ears. Oh honey, don't be sick. Hey Remly, we got to try it that way sometimes. Hey Curly, have you made only arrangements for the trip? I got something to tell you Remly. Oh man, we're traveling first class all the way. Now we go east on the Santa Fe cheap, then we take... Good morning everybody. Oh hiya Willie. As I was saying, we take the cheap east, then we take the Queen Mary to England and in London we stay at the Savoy Hotel. The Savoy? Oh Phillip, you're making a big mistake. If you want to have a good time in London, stay at the Groverner house. Yeah. Why kid? Every afternoon they have tea dancing. Well bless you for the tip you little crumpet you. That's quite alright Phillip. By the way Alice, I met your doctor on the street and he's expecting you at his office at 11 for the shots. What shots? Well Phillip, you see, I'm having the children vaccinated before we go and I want you and Frankie to go with me because they might act up and I want you to control them. Yeah, but Alice, Curly promised to get down and shoot some pool with me. Well I like that. That's out Remly, I can't do it now. Oh that's the trouble with girls. There's such sissies about getting a little shot in the arm. Okay Frankie, come upstairs with me while I put a tie on. We'll be down in a few minutes Alice. Alice, I don't understand the doctor said that you, Francis and Phillip have to be vaccinated against smallpox, not the children. Oh I know, I just told Phillips for the children so I can get him down there. He's such a baby about those things. Well I suppose he refuses to go through with it when you get him down there. Oh I've got that all worked out with the children and the doctor. We're gonna trick him into it. Oh siss, you're so smart, no wonder you have money. You're a rare combination. You have everything. Brains, beauty and talent. Yeah, I'm loaded ain't I? Would you care to hear me sing Willie? Oh yes siss, by all means do. This boy knows which side his bread is buttered on. Who cares what banks sail and yonkers Long as you've got a kiss that counters Why should I care? Life is one long to believe So long as I care for you And you care for A concern with stocks and bonds that we've been burnt I love you and you love me and that's how it will always be And nothing else can ever mean a thing Who cares if the public chatters Love's the only thing that matters Who cares if the sky Who cares what banks sail and yonkers Long as you have a kiss that counters Why is life one long to believe Hello Dr. Branigan I'm glad to see you're in time for your appointment. Hello children. Well Mrs. Harris, if you and your husband are ready Mr. Harris isn't here yet. Oh? Where is the great big bundle of nerves? Well he's parking the car. And now don't forget doctor, he doesn't know he's to have the vaccination. We're going to trick him into it like we planned, huh? Mrs. Harris, why do I always have to play games with him? When I took out his tonsils I had to dress up like a cowboy pretend he was an Indian and tie him to the operating table. It was at that time I took out his appendix. That was fun. For that one I was Dick Tracy looking for a new character named No Stomach. I know. But doctor, just go along with me once more. Alright, but frankly Mrs. Harris I'm getting a little fed up playing patty cake with old yellow belly. He faints every time I go near him. Well it's not his fault doctor. He's a little squeamish. Now look girls, when the doctor makes believe he's going to give you a vaccination you start carrying on something awful and then daddy'll get... Oh, here he is now. Hey Frankie, me had a tough time parking the car we couldn't find a place... Oh, good morning doctor. Well if it isn't no guts. Where have you been hiding? I ain't been hiding. I ain't got nothing to hide from. Yeah, the kids who are getting a vaccination all for crying out loud, kids. Stop acting like children. Now stop it, stop it. There's nothing to get in a vaccination. No, of course not. All the doctor does is take a big long needle jab it in your arm. Well there goes Candlesback Harrison. Hey Curly, get up. What round do you get me in for? Remly do you have to be so descriptive? Now what was I saying? You were telling the girls there's nothing to getting a vaccination. Oh yeah, now look kids there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. It doesn't hurt a bit. Prove it daddy. You have it done first and show us it doesn't hurt. Okay, I'll go. What are you trying to do? Get me killed or something? I agree with Phyllis. One of us should volunteer and show the children that it's not painful. Curly Alice is right. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. I guess so. After all grown up should set examples for kids. Doctor, get your needle ready. And Alice? Yes Phyllis? Hold still while I roll up your sleeve. For heaven's sake now look Harris I don't have any time to coddle you. You are here to get a vaccination. Well I know that but I- What? That's right Phyllis. When you leave the United States you have to get a vaccination otherwise they won't let you back in again. That's the law. Well in that case there's only one thing to do I'll have the law changed. Oh Phyllis. Alright Remly take a letter to Senator McCarthy. Right. Dear Senator, it has been called to my attention that vaccinations are communistic. I suggest you send them back to where they came from. Can I demand- Now shut up! The whole settle let me give you a shot in the arm or I'll give you a shot in the head. Well Mrs. Harris, why don't you and Mr. Remly have it done first? Maybe if Snookum sees how simple it is he'll let me do it to him. Alright Doctor. Get the needle. Go ahead. Very well. Now this will take no time at all. I just take this tiny little needle and make a few pa- Please! Not in front of me. Give them their shots in the other room. I want to be alone to think this over. Alright alright. Come along you people. Great big blob of jello. Oh my thirty years of practice I've never seen anything like this. Such a disgusting display of cowardice. I don't know how anybody could be like that. Well let's go into my other office. Remly I'll give you your shot first. You said... Me? I'd love to Doctor but I can't. You see I left my arm in my other suit. Stop stalling! No I mean I left my money in my other suit. You won't need any money. This shot is on the house. Oh well as long as the house is buying I'll have one. Alice see what the boys in the back room will have. Oh why are men all such babies? Hey hello Miss Faith. Oh hello Judith. What are you doing here? Oh I come here once a week. What for? I don't know. Doctor said he just likes to study me. Well I brought Mr. Harris down for a vaccination. He has to be inoculated against smallpox. What for? No self-respect and joy would touch him with a fork. Where was he? Well he's in the next room trying to work up enough courage to take the shot. He's scared silly. Ah that a big marshmallow. Which room is he in Miss Faith? I'll go in and comfort him. Well he's in there and please Judith be gentle with him. Don't frighten him any more than he is. Please. Please Miss Faith. I'd have to be a rat to do a thing like that. Excuse me. Not the faint of big cheese and start gnawing at Alice. I don't want to let him do it. I don't want to let him do it. Oh cry doing here. I came down to get a vaccination. Oh no. That's what finished my poor uncle. I hate to see you go this way. What are you talking about? Nobody ever dies from a vaccination. I don't. I better dig my ankle up and tell him that. You mean the vaccination killed him? No no it wasn't the vaccination that did it. It was the fall. What fall? He couldn't stand the pain so he jumped out of the window. Judith, Dr. Branigan told me it wouldn't hurt. Stop paying no attention to Butcher Boy Branigan. He's the biggest liar in the business. Butcher Boy. Yeah. He studied surgery in a safe way meat market. Judith you stop that. You're just trying to scare me. No Harris I'm ready to give you a shot now. Drop that cleaver Butcher Boy. Come on Harris. Oh but doctor you have no time for me. Doctor you've got a call they want you in surgery. Surgery? Yeah they've got an emergency rump roast at Safeway. I knew it he's delirious. Here Harris drink this it'll calm your nerves. Oh drink huh? Yeah. Good drink. Well let's put him to sleep doctor. Yes I just gave him a very strong sedative. It'll put him to sleep in a few minutes and then I can give him a shot. Now just sit down and rest Harris you'll feel better. I'll be back in a few minutes. Okay. Hey Frankie. Yeah. I feel better already. Good. As soon as you get your shot we'll go over to the pool room. I don't feel like shooting a fool. I feel kind of light in the head you know. I feel like uh like uh like singing. Just because he feels good he's got to make me feel lousy. There's them that does and them that don't and them that says they will but won't so if Satan tempts you hold on tight coach you can't do wrong doing right. It's them that shall and them them champ and them that wish they could but can't but it's them that does that sees the light cause you can't do wrong doing right. Look at that gal Delilah. She had them all in a spin. She clipped the mighty Samson but she got caught when the house fell in. So you see there's got to be just one road for you and me let old Satan know he's lost the fight cause you can't do wrong doing right. You gotta do right. Oh keep up the preaching. Yes you gotta do right. Make me know it. If you want to see the light. Oh tell it brothers. You can't do wrong when you're doing right. There's them that's good. Them that's mean. Them that's somewhere in between but to me it looks from what I've seen that you can't do wrong doing right. There's them that's me and them that's bold. Now don't ask me but I've been told it's the meat that plays them hearts of gold. You can't do wrong doing right. Now look at old Vic Delilah. Wragging about his size. Picking on little David. But he got his right between the eyes and so you see there's got to be just one road for you and me let old Satan know he lost the fight cause you can't do wrong doing right. You mustn't do wrong. That's right with me. No you mustn't do wrong. That's philosophy. If you want to get along. Oh I believe it now. Cause you'll never get along if you're doing wrong. Why'd they threw Daniels to the line? The king had it done. He's the law. He's the law. Why'd they threw Daniels to the line? The king had it done. He's the law. But it wasn't long till little Danny had all of them cats drinking milk out of straw and so you see there's got to be just one road for you and me let old Satan know he lost the fight cause you can't do wrong doing right. You can't do wrong doing right. You can't do wrong when you're doing what is right. Hey Frankie how'd ya? Even Frankie left me. But they're all in that other room just plotting against me. This is going to hurt awful. Nobody seems to care. Must be a doctor who wouldn't hurt me. Frankie could help. He always knows a guy. But no I wouldn't want to go to any Dr. Reveley knows. Gee I feel so sleepy. I'd never go to any Dr. Frankie knows. Where am I? Where am I? Hello Wonga. Who are you? I'm Frankie Reveley's personal physician. But this is a pool room. This is where I have my office. I'm Dr. Painless Pearson physician surgeon and snooker expert. And all operations done with one foot on the floor. You're Frankie's doctor? Yeah. I've been treating him since he was a child. Hiya doc. Francis are you still alive? Could have sworn I polished you off three years ago. Wait a minute doc are you in a habit of losing your patience? My dear sir I'll have you know in 30 years of practice I have never lost a patient. I know exactly where every one of them is buried. See he takes a personal interest. Now what are you here for sir? Do you give shots? Do I? What kind of a shot do you want? A vaccination. Oh I just love to do that work. Oh you like it huh? Yes it's the most dangerous operation in medical history. Well why is it so dangerous? I use a dirty needle. I'll get you ready for your vaccination. Oh nurse prepare the patient for surgery. Okay doc which table do you want me to wrap him up on? Either one near the window. I want people to see the kind of work I do. Hey Frankie why are they operating on me? I just came for a vaccination. What are they having a sale today? Vaccination and appendix removed for the price of one plus a penny more. Good evening. All right Harris lie down on the table here. A nurse call the head surgeon Dr. Safeway. He's in surgery. He's in surgery but I'll call him. Dr. Safeway, Dr. Safeway you're wanted on table three. You're wanted on table three. See with all I want is a vaccination. Vaccination is like a sandwich. And get my instrument. Very well. Here's your acoustic. Go all chalked up. Good. Now stand back everybody. I'm ready for the operation. Hey just a minute doctor. Call your shot. My what? Why don't you put a little English on it and kiss it off my appendix. Better yet let's play rotation. Start with this liver and run them off till we get to the rye bread. Now cut it out. All I want is a vaccination. I want you got to open your eyes. That's the 20th time you vaccinated me this week. If you're going to vaccinate me do it the right way. Use a needle. Needle and record, record on. I don't want to hear no more of that. What happened? Where am I? You're in Dr. Branigan's office. He gave you a sedative. You've been dreaming. Oh thank goodness. Oh honey I dreamt I went to some guy Frankie recommended and it was awful. Doc you can give me my vaccination now. I'm ready for it. After what I went through I can take anything. I gave it to you while you were asleep. You did? I didn't even feel it. Hey that shows you I can take it. You people thought I was a coward. Why am I braver than anybody? I'm braver than anybody and I guaranteed you. Alice wouldn't you like to know how I did it? Yeah how'd you do it Doc? Well I took a big long needle and I jabbed it in. Oh Doctor you made him faint again. I know isn't it nice and peaceful with a big baboon unconscious? Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment but first here's your Rexall family druggist. Everyone knows that vitamins are necessary to life but maybe you don't know that plenumins, Rexall's famous multivitamin capsules give you more than your daily minimum requirements of every vitamin for which such requirements have been established. Plus valuable liver concentrate and iron. And that's an ironclad guarantee from Rexall scientists. But how are they able to guarantee that? Because they take plenty of time and scientific care in measuring them. For instance the vitamin B1 and B2 in plenumins is measured by seeing how brightly they glow. Glow? What on earth do you mean? Just what I said ma'am. First the vitamin is treated with a chemical that makes it fluorescent under ultraviolet light. In other words it glows. A photoelectric cell receives this glow and transmits it in terms of electricity to a special meter. And the amount of electricity is the exact measurement of the vitamin. What's the product called again? Plenumins, P-L-E-N-A-M-I-N-S. Remember it the next time you buy a vitamin product. And remember also, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. Folks this is Phil Harris. Before we sign off for the season Alice and I would like to thank all of you listeners for being so kind to us. And we also want to thank the 10,000 independent Rexall drugists for giving us the opportunity to come into your homes. And we're very grateful to everyone behind the scenes who make this show possible. And don't forget to listen to Dick Powell who is starting Wednesday June the 14th for Rexall. And remember we'll be back in October same time, same station. Until we're with you again in October have a wonderful summer. Happy vacation everybody. And don't forget tomorrow night Jack, Benny and I in our big stage show we'll see all of you folks in Scranton. Good night. This program was produced and transcribed by Paul Phillips. Once more this is your Rexall family drugist speaking for the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall drugists. Thanking Phil Harris, Alice Faye and every member of the cast for a season of grand entertainment. And now friends be with the Rexall family on Wednesday June 14th when we bring you our new show. A real thriller called Richard Diamond Private Detective starring Dick Powell. Remember the date Wednesday June 14th. The time 10.30 p.m. Eastern Daylight Savings Time on the same NBC station. The Saint moved next Sunday to NBC.