 Last Friday night, Madison High School held its annual December dance for students and faculty. But up to Thursday, our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison, hadn't received an invitation from any of the male members. That's because they all more or less took it for granted that I'd go with Mr. Boynton. The bashful one must have taken it for granted too, but I wasn't worried. I knew that come the day of the dance, he'd asked me quicker than you could read the Danish translation of From Here to Eternity. I really was confident he'd come through though. In fact, I could practically see us leaving for the dance together. He and his herringbone suit and me and the pink catheter. Just like the year before and the year before and the year before. Or, as my landlady put it last Thursday at breakfast. Honey, every kind of December dance rolls around. You and Mr. Boynton remind me of Sandy Claus. Sandy Claus? I always know what you're going to wear. Well, that's going to be changed this year, Mrs. Davis. At least Mr. Boynton's changing. We passed Sherry's department store together last Monday and he pointed out the new blue-sirred suit he was getting. What about you, Connie? Well, there was a gorgeous evening down in the next window. And I impulsively blurted out that I was going to buy it. It's a beauty, Mrs. Davis. So rich-looking. It's backless, strapless. I didn't forget it, Connie. I'm moneyless. It cost almost a hundred dollars, Mrs. Davis. Twenty-five down. I could lay the twenty-five dollars, Connie. You could? If you paid me the back rent, you owe me. Like I say, I'm moneyless. Oh, that's too bad. You could use a new fur jacket, too, Connie. I know. That fur jacket of mine looks as if it were made out of old mice felt. Oh, well, things could be worse, I guess. At least Mr. Boynton likes mice. Don't get excited, Minerva. You mustn't mention mice in front of the cat, Connie. Oh, I'm sorry, Minerva. She bristled to the very mention of the word mice. Oh, dear Minerva. I meant she bristled at the mention of the word M-I-S-C. Mrs. Davis, you mean M-I-C. Pretty good fur. One cat needs to care for the cat, Connie. It's like my sister Angela said to me yesterday. Angela's getting so absent-minded lately to poor thing. Yes, I know. What did Angela say to you? Angela who? Your absent-minded sister. What was it she said to you yesterday? I forget. I'm sure it'll come back to me, though. Oh, that must be Walter Denton to drag you to school. I'll go scramble some eggs for him. I'll bring some toast and jelly. Oh, that would be nice. Nice, nice with an ambulance. Come on in, Walter. That cat should be in my English class. Salutations, bubbly instructor. Greetings, observant pupil. Sit down, Walter. Mrs. Davis is fixing some eggs for you. Ah, isn't that sweet. Well, I lost that for the big dance, Mr. Rook. I invited Harriet Conklin last night. Well, good for you, Walter. Yeah, I was gonna wait until tomorrow to ask her. You know, I'll start a letter stew until the last minute. But then I saw her talking to Freddie May in the hall yesterday, and I realized I was taking Harriet too much for granted. You know what I mean? I'm afraid I know just what you mean. Yeah, not to change the subject, but has Mr. Boynton invited you yet? Let's change the subject. The trouble is Mr. Boynton takes you for granted just like I was taking Harriet. Tell the truth. When did you last hear him make a noise like a male animal? On Thanksgiving Day when he was finishing a turkey leg. That's not what I mean. No, all you've got to do is make him think he's got some competition. I received a stoop to such deception, Walter. Well, except for you, Miss Brooks, but I think you're making a big mistake. Gosh, if you keep whiting Mr. Boynton, carry the ball and you'll never score. Oh, hello, Roger. It's infectious, though, you bear. Thank you, Mrs. Davis. Oh, Connie, I just remembered what Angela was telling me yesterday. It seems that she found out she's a lady to fur, so she has to get rid of that lovely cat you gave her last year. You mean Jimmy? Yes. He's a beautiful cat. I'll never forget how sorry I was when he left here. Me, too, but he just couldn't get along with Minerva. I thought he'd have a nice home with your sister. Oh, he did, dear. And she appreciated you giving her the cat, but every time he comes over to her, she nearly sneezes his whiskers off. Oh, I remember, Jimmy, Mrs. Brooks. Isn't he the cat you bought right after Mr. Boynton said a man shouldn't get married till he's 40? You stay out of this, Walter. What's Angela going to do with him, Mrs. Davis? She doesn't quite know, Connie. I was just thinking of Jimmy being homeless. Oh, that's out of the question. I was very fond of that cat. I even took him up to Eagle Springs on my vacation two years ago. We were inseparable. I guess I'll just have to take him back. But he can't stay in this house, Connie. You know what happened the last time he was here? He and Minerva fought like dogs and dogs. And as you called, you paid $25 for that cat, Connie. You should sell him. Say, you may have something there, Mrs. Davis. He has a very fine tetagree. And if I could get $25 for him, I'd have the down payment on that new dress. Oh, Walter, yes, I first want to buy a cat. No, sir. No, thanks. I can't afford it. But I know somebody who's a pushover for animals. Mr. Boynton. He'd buy a homeless cat and nothing flat. That's the very reason he mustn't even know about Jimmy. Poor Mr. Boynton's taken in so many stray pets. His apartment looks like the annex of the zoo. Say, wait a minute. I just reminded myself of my most logical customer. What thing? Our beloved keeper, Mr. Conner. Mr. Conner. What's that? Our beloved keeper, Mr. Conklin. I'm sure you feel all right, Daddy. Why shouldn't you say a word to me all the way to school today? I'm fine, Harriet. It's just that I'm a bit concerned about your mother's attitude. Here I am, the guest of honor at the December dance tomorrow, and she refuses to go along, claiming she's indisposed. Well, she hasn't seen two chipper lately, Daddy. Chipper, my foot. She has consistently ducked every school function this term. The trouble with your mother, Harriet, is that she takes me too much for granted. Could be, Daddy, but that's up to you to change. Why, I had the same problem with Walter Denton for a while, but when he saw me carrying on a conversation with another boy yesterday, he changed his tune. I am not interested in the reactions of that paragon of subnormality, Walter Denton. Your mother thinks for once he changed his tune in what way? He immediately dated me for the dance. It was a threat of competition that gave the trick. Competition, eh? Harriet, I'm remaining at school today to arrange the program of activities. The moment you get home, I would like you to inform your mother that I am a scoffing one of our teachers to the dance. Now you're talking, Daddy, but who are you going to tell me? That is relatively unimportant, Harriet. As long as it is female and condensed, I'll take it. As a matter of fact, I'll settle for the first woman I see this morning. Come in. Good morning, Mr. Conklin. Oh, no. Good morning, Miss Brooks. If you'll excuse me, I better be running along now. Harriet, wait. I'll talk to you later, Dan. I've got to get to the gym larger. Bye, Miss Brooks. Goodbye, Harriet. Mr. Conklin, I know you're a busy man, so I'll get right down to business. Would you be interested in the cat? Only if it's female and condensed. Well, the one I have is a male, and I don't know about dancing, but he's got a lot of spirit. I'm sure you'll enjoy this. It is yours, Miss Brooks. You can dance, can't you? Dance? Why, yes, sir. And you are a female, aren't you? That's what our doctor told my parents. Has anyone asked you to be December Dance, Miss Brooks? Well, not yet, Mr. Conklin. Then you can stop worrying about it. Your date stands before you. I'll take you, Miss Brooks. You'll take me. Life's grand took Richmond. Miss Brooks, my wife is in the foes, and I need somebody to help me receive the guest. But, sir, I'm expecting someone else to ask me at any time now, and, well, what'll I tell him? Just tell him you got lucky. Now, understand I'm not forcing this on you, Miss Brooks. Should you feel such a violent antipathy to all this gracious invitation that you can't abide the thought of it, you need merely say so. After all, there's nothing can compel you to accompany your principal, the man who holds your future at Madison in the palm of his hand, the man who can make or brace your career, the man who... Now we dance. In the morning classes, I figured the only possible way to avoid attending the December dance as the partner of our beloved principal was to maneuver Mr. Boynton into inviting me during lunch periods. Then I could tell Mr. Conklin that I had made the date last week and it had flipped my mind. A likely story, but what could he do about it? When I met Mr. Boynton in the cafeteria at noon, I summoned all my womanly guile and in the most subtle and roundabout manner sneaked up on the subject. Hello, Mr. Boynton. I'll bet this year's December dance will be a dilly. I bet it will, too. Say, my soup is pretty cold. Is yours hot? It's lukewarm, Mr. Boynton. You know, lukewarm, like the sort of time a fellow will have at the dance if he doesn't have a date. His heart just isn't in it, you know what I mean? Maybe it could be heated up a little. Nobody can say I'm not trying. Uh, how's your new blue-seared soup, Mr. Boynton? Soup. Okay, I guess. How's the new gown you were going to buy? Oh, lovely as ever. They've engaged a wonderful orchestra for the dance, very versatile. Maybe if I put some pepper in the soup. I hear they can play waltzers, foxtrot, swing music. I like mine hot, don't you? Well, I certainly do. When a man pays 15 cents for a bowl of soup, it should be hot. You've just got a one-soup mind. Is that all you're having for lunch today, Mr. Boynton? Well, yes, Miss Brooks, it is. I'm afraid I have to economize a bit this month. You see, I passed the Snodgrass Pet Shop on my way to school the other day. I know, only you didn't pass it. That's right. They had a wonderful talking parrot on sale for only $18. Well, when it comes to things like that, I have no resistance. I'm glad you said when it comes to things like that. Honestly, Mr. Boynton, if you would say in front, Mr. Boynton, mind if I have my sandwich at your table. Harriet's punching with my father, and he hates my D. He's not one of my fans. Sit right down, Walter. Excuse me a moment, Miss Brooks. I'm going to see about getting this soup heated up. I'll be back in a few minutes. All right, Mr. Boynton. How'd you know, Mr. Tackle, Miss Brooks? Did he buy Jimmy? I didn't get much of a chance to talk about that, Walter. Yeah, well, I didn't think he'd score there, so I've been finding out some of the teachers. But so far, nobody's interested in a $25 cat. Well, keep trying, Walter. That is, you can ask anybody but Mr. Boynton. He's just become the proud but poor owner of a parrot. Just what he needed. Tell me, Mr.... Has he invited you to the dance yet? No, Walter, but Mr. Conklin has. His wife can't go, so he's asked me to help proceed the guest. Oh, murder! But if you had a prior date with Mr. Boynton, he couldn't... You're right, he couldn't. And that's what I was working on, a prior date with Mr. Boynton. What about the competition angle? Walter, let's not discuss this subject now. Well, that ought to do it. They put it back in the pot and boiled it again. Nothing like boiling to make soup warmer. Well, I'm afraid I have to be leaving now, Mr. Boynton. I've got some test papers to prepare. Yeah, I'll keep them coming, Mr. Rick. Don't you worry. It's almost too late to worry. Well, if there's anything you think of that you want to say to me, Mr. Boynton, I'll be in my classroom marking papers after school. Very well, Mr. Rick. Yes, so are, Mr. Rick. If I hear anything further about Jimmy, I'll drop by. That will be all, Walter. Good-bye now. I'll see you later, Mr. Boynton. Good-bye, Miss Brooks. Oh, what a wonderful person he is. Yes, out of the earth. Walter, who's Jimmy? Jimmy? Oh, he's just a... Ah! Are you, uh, interested? Well, I'm interested mostly in Miss Brooks' reaction. My goodness, it's a mere mention of his name. She bristles like a... like a cat. Mr. Boynton, this is very confidential, but I just happen to know that Jimmy is one of the handsome Miss Devils you ever saw in your life. And in fact, he's an old flame in Miss Brooks. Well, that's odd. She's never mentioned him to me. What's odd about it? One never mentions one's competition to one. Competition? Well, I wouldn't be at all surprised that Jimmy tried to date Miss Brooks up for the December dance tomorrow night. If you don't mind a bit of man-to-man advice, Mr. Boynton, I think you should get your bid in immediately. That is, if you want to take her. Well, of course I want to take her, Walter. Frankly, I'd have asked her days ago if she hadn't bought a brand-new gown. A new gown? Well, yes. You see, I told her I was buying a new suit at the same time she picked out the gown, and, well, this is very embarrassing, but when I went into Sherry's store, they, they, well... They wouldn't extend you any credit. Well, that shouldn't bother you, Mr. Boynton. Well, why don't you just explain to Miss Brooks? You'll understand. I'm sure she will. But that old herringbone suit of mine, well, now there's this Jimmy. I wouldn't want to come between old friends. You're taking their eyes and your, Mr. Boynton. Now, look, Miss Brooks may not feel like seeing Jimmy tomorrow night. Well, I might drop in on her after classes. It won't hurt to say hello. No, that's the idea, Mr. Boynton. You do that. Just drop in and say hello. Who knows? He might be in for a very pleasant surprise. Come on to my house, my house, but come on, I'm going to kill you. Well, you certainly cheered up since this morning, Daddy. Oh, yes, yes, I have, Harriet. Your mother just telephoned men. I told her I was taking one of our most charming lady teachers to the band. May heaven forgive my little white lie. Well, what did mother say to that, Daddy? Well, her interposition seemed to vanish instantly, and she insisted on going with me to the affair, thus eliminating Miss Brooks from my immediate horizon. I'll be glad when you're dead, you rascal youth. It's like I always say, Daddy, I don't want to be an old, I told you so, but... But you can't help yourself. Anyway, I'm glad mother's feeling better. She didn't look so hot yesterday. She doesn't look so hot any day. She's been off her feet for some time now, and I think I know the reason, Harriet. Your mother is lonely. Lonely? Yes, yes. You run off with your friends at three o'clock, and I'm usually occupied with schoolwork, so her days aren't as full as they should be. However, I believe I've hit on a solution. What is it, Daddy? I'm going to get your mother a pet of some kind. What a wonderful idea. How about the pet-a-greed cat Miss Brooks has to say? It's the possibility, child. I'll phone your mother, and if she's amenable to the suggestion, I'll talk to Miss Brooks right after school. Oh, fine. I'm positive mother and Jimmy will hit it off beautifully. Well, I don't see why not. The little beast likes Miss Brooks. I should love your mother. Oh, excuse me, Miss Brooks, if you're busy, I can... Oh, not at all, Mr. Boynton. Come on in. I was just finishing these papers. Thanks. Hey, surprising how peaceful a classroom can be when the students are gone. Especially my students. Some of them are real gone. Sit down, Mr. Boynton. What's on your mind? The December dance? Funny, I was thinking of the same thing. Miss Brooks, when I said I bought that new blue-shirt suit we saw at Sherry's, I'm afraid I told little Thib. You see, I really didn't care too much for the suit, so I bought the parrot instead. Oh, I'm sure it'll look much better on you. I mean, what's the difference? What we wear as long as we have fun at the dance? Together? I'm not sure I'm going, Miss Brooks. I think you should know that Walter told me about Jimmy. But I asked him not to. I didn't want you to know about that. I understand perfectly, Miss Brooks. Walter tells me that you and Jimmy have been rather close for some time. We were, yes. We had some wonderful times at Crystal Lake. You did? He's very playful, you know. He'd chase me through the woods every day. He'd chase you? Of course I'd always let him catch me. I know the woods up there pretty well. Very convenient. Well, I didn't want Jimmy to get lost. After all, I couldn't put a leash on him, could I? No, no, I suppose not. Of course, when we came back to the city, I used to bolt the door so he couldn't get out. He wasn't an affectionate preacher, he was. But when I come home, he used to do the cutest things. Like what? Well, the minute I got into the house, he used to nuzzle up and rub his whiskers against my ankle. Sounds pretty short. He simply hated to leave me out of his sight. Even when I'd go in and take a shower, he used to sit outside the door yowling at the top of his lungs. If I were you, Miss Brooks, I'd be mighty careful to whom I told that story. Miss Brooks, I'd like to... Oh, hello, Boyden. Hello, Mr. Conklin. Since school is officially finished for the day, I shall overlook this unseemly fraternization. Now to business. I'm prepared to make a deal with you, Miss Brooks. How much do you want for Jimmy? How much does he want for Jimmy? My business is with Miss Brooks, Boyden. Do you think it's possible that I could have him on the installment plan? I'm afraid not, sir. I want to sell him outright. But, but, Mr. Conklin, you want to buy Jimmy? Not for myself, Boyden. It's for my wife. Well, yes, when Harriet and I are at school, Mrs. Conklin gets lonely. Jimmy, you'll keep her busy. Good. Good. I'll give you ten dollars for him, Miss Brooks. I want twenty-five, Mr. Conklin. Twenty-five dollars. I only want what I paid for him. I do not understand this at all. Then stay out of it. Now, Miss Brooks, if you just quote me a fair price, I'll pick Jimmy up at your home this afternoon. Oh, not at my home, Mr. Conklin. I gave him to Mrs. Davis' sister Angela last winter. You see, I had to because he kept biting Minerva. Did Mrs. Davis' cat? On the tail, mostly. I'm more than annoyed the life out of her. Pardon me, folks. Mother just called your office, Daddy. She wants you to pick up a bed for Jimmy. She's got a nice spot to sit out for him under the piano. Very well, Harriet. Mother's all excited, Miss Brooks. She told me she's getting everything ready for Jimmy. She's even bought him several balls of yarn. All this, and he knits, too? Don't be so foolish, boys. Well, Miss Brooks, I won't haggle with you any longer. Here's your $25. That's $10, $20, $25. Thank you, Mr. Conklin. You know where Angela lives, don't you? Yes, yes. I'll get over there at once. Come on, Harriet, let's get that cat. Cat? Jimmy's a cat? What did you think he was, Miss Brooks's boyfriend? I'll see you in my office, Harriet. Well, where do I get my hands on Walker Denton? Oh, Harriet, before you go, would you do me a favor? Oh, certainly, Miss Brooks. What is it? Well, I've still got some work to do, so I'd like you to take this $25 to Mrs. Duff at the dress department of Kerry's store. It's on your way to Angela's house. I'll be glad to, Miss Brooks. Just tell her I want the gown we spoke about a few days ago. Ask her to be sure and have it ready first thing tomorrow. Mr. Duff is done. See you in the morning. Bye, Mr. Boynton. Goodbye, Harriet. Well, I'm glad you've got enough money to buy your dress, Miss Brooks, and I'd like to ask you to go to the dance with me. Oh, I would love to. I'd love to be wearing a new outfit, too. Mr. Boynton, you shouldn't worry about a new outfit. After all, I decided to buy that gown only because I realized how perfectly it would blend with your old herringbone. It's a lovely suit, Mr. Boynton. I'm simply mad about it. Are you really, Miss Brooks? Mr. Boynton, of all the suits I've ever seen you wear, I like that herringbone better than either of them. Now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, when I got home after school, Mrs. Davis greeted me with some shocking news. Just five times. You don't have to worry about selling Jimmy. Angela is taking him down to our cousin Winifred in Nashville, Tennessee. But Mrs. Davis, he can't do that. I sold him to Mr. Conklin. He's on his way to Angela's house to pick him up now. Well, that's too bad because Angela and Jimmy left on the noon train for Nashville. Oh, great. Any minute now, Mr. Conklin will be galloping over here. And he's going to want Jimmy or his $25 back. Well, I'll be running along, Mrs. Davis. Wait a minute. How do I tell Mr. Conklin? Just tell him Angela went south with his cab and I went south with his money.