 crispy testicles in your fridge are we live Matt yes so let me get this straight no swearing for three minutes i thought straight was swearing no straight is is okay i checked um it depends a gay person could use that word in a derogatory way making it a swear word no we're good i checked a gay guy could say something like that's so straight yuck you are being so straight right now and then that is a swear word do you understand what i'm saying no because you're not we'll talk about it was what deems what's deemed as a swear word is if you find it offensive it's a swear word it's just a sound that's possible but i think if i think if we're just sticking in the the the top eight swear words because i can think of swear words i can think of them too right now think of the main ones though don't say them i'll say them just no don't say the fucking cunt it's time to demonetize do you want it do you want it oh well next week do you want to see my wig this week or what oh you don't know yet matthew bound does not know yet oh there's a reason why he's wearing a hat he's fine oh what happened oh yuck it's not the reaction i was hoping for he's the front looks fine but i've got no hair so i'm like yes yeah but i would prefer to have no hair than this but i decided to leave it oh it looks like you oh it feels weird can i touch it let's say a patch from stress or in some place it's sore in some place like it's been burnt he's sore on his head i made him sore what happened yeah hair removal cream fucking well done for like probably 30 to 40 minutes burn yeah it hurt a bit now yeah anyway um so fuck what do we got happen i'm so glad i'm on this side what's what's happened boys nothing we've had just a normal week of work a normal weekend and now it's episode 32 certainly after this one eight episodes left and we have not started even looking into the live finale yeah we have to find venues let's do that first day if someone could just organize this for us it'll be so good hey oh man it's fucking crazy bz a there's definitely venues i think the biggest risk for us is getting stopped by um that thing out there we won't talk about what it's called but the law the pandemic uh nah yeah i reckon um because in eight weeks time what is it we got we're in what september now so it will take us to november the beginning of november will be our final episode so that's a while away i i still think we'll be risky yeah you get those sometimes when you really strain your body you get the little electricity worms electricity worms coming in yeah yeah i call them the fairies what do i sparkle yeah you see him in your peripheral these all the sparkly electricity you go bounce no i literally look at you and i can see them and then they fizzle out it's exciting fizzle out yeah i get it when i stand up every single time yeah i'm pretty sure that's not good hey there's too much electricity in our brains oh man it's like a sign of intelligence or something i read that yeah high einstein cute anyway episode number 32 um like i said nothing really going on new in our lives we're working behind the scenes we got the fucking only fans is out if you haven't heard the link will be in the description of the youtube podcast so go on so i haven't even seen i don't have a only fans account yet how many people have signed up to it and then yeah fuck let's have a look right now um can we just explain how it's working because um i did get gawk i remember but um someone did ask me what would you rather me sign up to the website or the only fans but i just want to say that the only fans is free yeah and um and to support us would be the website so so the only fans is is free or we're just going to post extra shit on there and we're just sort of going to start building it just in case uh this gets deleted this youtube channel so yeah if you want to support us the only fans is just if you if you feel like it's looking at some really high quality really well done like sexualized photos of us three that's only for you for those specific people if you if that's not for you then don't worry because you're not missing out on anything else but if you want to support us and the whole fucking podcast then yes subscribe to our website it's like ten dollars australian a month um and we fucking post one huge vlog every week behind the scenes of our lives and just we make videos that we can't post social media on there okay and what do we just post what do we just fucking do on the website didn't we just do something crazy golly some smoothies no no no the one that's coming out oh yeah holy fuck holy fuck this is the best okay the best week to sign up so members current members you'll you'll remember a video you laugh you lose michael and i really stepped it up and and really went hard to try and make each other laugh anyway we did a part two of that it should really be called a part poo there's a lot of it but that is out right now on the website okay and that got pretty fucked up should we give a hint at there's maybe something about the golden ball and julien was involved yeah that's what that's what reminded me michael fucking poured the entire golly bottle all over his fucking head you know what we should get that clip and put that on the only fans for people who can't fucking afford the website because that because people on the podcast have fallen in love with the golly bottle yeah it's very love it or hate it i miss it already i'm already started making another one but yeah i reckon sorry it's pretty important also julien shout out to you yeah julien took it look he julien did some things that he he probably prefer prefer we didn't say on the podcast but there was it got very extreme i don't mean to tease anyone for not being able to sign up but um yeah there's no way we could ever post we probably can't even make a trailer to promote that episode yeah we yeah what are we gonna show it's just gonna be everything's just blurred it's a fucking fucking mess it got weird right where you're sitting man yeah dude and oh you've got shoes on yeah damn it okay i was gonna say like there was a lot of mess there a lot of golly man not just golly like every everything and i i've never ever once you soaped there dude i just wiped it out the fucking golly bottle the fucking golly bottle just slopping all over him it's exactly hard bits and then after it looked like there's like some feta cheese little dots on his fucking did you get any in your eyes or man with the fly oh the fly is on his caked on his forehead and stuck there all the flies stayed on the face and smelt amazing so bad yeah i fucked up the house for like 24 hours so anyway that's on the website okay and i'm sorry about that and fucking of course our other sponsor keep going manscaped.com these crazy bastards are the only ones willing to sponsor us and fucking good on them because they make some good shit all right they sponsor shit like the ufc and stuff so you know they have to have good quality products if they're sponsoring shit like that i've used them yeah we all use them right they send us shit now we used it you get great ball shavers just heaps of cool shit for your nuts and dick and balls you can put shove up your shit put shit up your dick hole there's stuff for your towel for your ass you can pull the hair out with a fucking snips yeah with this pair of snips heaps of cool shit if you want 20 percent off any product on manscaped.com website use that discount code fully actual 20 fully actual 20 all one word and if you don't want the discount just buy the product yeah if you buy all means don't use the discount code if you don't want to if you want to keep some money fuck it or if you just want to pay full price because you don't you don't like handouts or something like that you know you're you'll you'll have this weird pride and this weird ego and you don't fucking want a discount code you know that's fucking that's for dickheads that's for stupid idiots oh who needs it fucking discount code i'm i'll pay full price thank you you can do that too just don't use a discount code yeah my dad's like that oh man your dad was such a fucking strong character in that house other than that if you can't support us by doing any of this shit we just mentioned that's fine yeah just fucking just be more be man just chill have fun enjoy and of course if you feel like it but like only if it's really easy and it's not too much trouble and you like the videos you can like give a thumbs up if you feel like it or comment if you can't even comment just comment comment you can show your appreciation in other free ways well we have the podcast awards coming up you can show your appreciation when that comes out exactly right we're going to be asking you guys to vote for us we're going to spend a lot of time just begging so please suffer and if you if you send for us we will send a video yeah well you'll see all about that on our social medias no it's great to see that very strong character he actually would get bargains i think he wouldn't get full price i think i was trying to just act like i came like such a strong character though it's hard to tell with him you know what i mean he's like a bargain like greg you know yeah fun that bargain very sort of strong character bargain hunter in a way yeah it just doesn't like greg he's just a very uh the shape is just sturdy it's a good core exactly right yeah so basically that's that and on this episode what do we got we got fucking diary entries we got some p.o box shit we got a couple of one big box in particular i saw in the comments fucking donut films that said he's sending something matt he has mentioned that he has sent something and we all quivered in our fucking boots yeah was it the last time that he sent teeth and skin foot skin come and he's a child this boy this boy this is a child sending his come in dude do you know what that means what are we i've had a child oh you've rubbed kid come on your arms i've gone too far kid come on your arms i've gone too far oh i didn't know that he was a guy you can't fucking say that yeah he should have checked his id won't hold up in a corner he should have checked his id yeah donut films have sent something so i get ready for that guys i'm sure it's gonna be just lovely you know what i was thinking what i reckon you should make a uh candle out of your earwags start collecting it or make an egg out of it and eat it just get it out and scrape it in a container yeah okay i can do that and then within maybe should we all do that it will take six months years you reckon years no i reckon i can buy a halfway through next season there'll be something that'll play with and then we maybe a small candle yeah just like maybe that big or something what's so gnarly about that though just it would be look some people can't handle earwax and i want to see really what i'm good with it is the same as other wax is it yeah like you put in your hand well i guess we have to fucking we have to do it i guess we'll probably find out such strong characters yeah i've got strong characters sorry i'll get a container or something dude i can get shit loads out you've seen yeah michael can get like little pyramids but that's only when you have ravaged your body no that i think it's i'm like that permanently michael's ear holes produce a lot of wax because there's always insects and shit going in i think it's not good if you produce heaps of wax it means your body's got a lot of toxins i think i don't know i might have made that up yeah i think you make that up there you go but um that's oh maybe there can be an explainer today a question yeah i basically yeah so we got p.o box we got so we've got doppelgangers doppelgangers we're gonna explain some shit we got questions and of course we've got ourselves a very cheeky prank call with mr. Arnold Fein seeing if he can book a table at a restaurant for his wife and her guide pig what do you reckon it's 50 50 exactly right mate diary entry diary entry here we go diary entry number diary entry number 139 from michael quarry brookhouse is it bad if you're coughing up flammers firm as rubber do thoughts have thoughts like can you think think technically if you think about it everyone is here at the same time i'm here you're there which is here to you and you're over there but it's here to you so yeah don't forget about that one i do that was fucking near perfect i wish you said that say that here to their thing again if you think about it everyone is here at the same time i'm here you're there which is here to you which is just here with a tea you should have said yeah that would have been perfect but yeah that is fucking spot on dude well done that is fucking very good what about matt's diary entries very good i love them i've come around i think it's it's confident it makes dinner at my mum's place very interesting it's very comfortable if she finds out diary entry number 109 from marty today was mustard monday mustard mondays are my favorite because mum gives me a jar of mustard for lunch i have to eat it in secret because the other students think it's disgusting and weird sometimes i say it's mustard you should try it before you make fun of me for eating it well to be honest i don't say it because i think they might attack me for speaking but i think it to myself in german when no one else is around it was a pretty good day you're thinking german why is that i just in case they can understand me or something if the thing's thinking yeah the thing can think on the think if they can hear my thoughts or something he thought that that's what germans think it's what that so if they can hear my thoughts then obviously they can attack me yeah okay so i have to do another layer of protection it's smart matt's touching his phone he's looking at it a bit confused no he's leaning back must have been nothing he's looking at us now expecting us to carry on and he's still looking at us he's looking at us do you know niki mentioned that she thinks that's one of the best parts of the mighty commentates me if we know about niki yeah we do looking at us hoping that we answer him and uh michael's sort of has yeah and uh hoping that you talked back die around your number 69 from julian james tenison woods from ashgrove 40 60 until i die get fucked today i got jumped by some southside dogs i was i was scrolling on my phone so i was basically unresponsive and they took like 25 cash in my computer from my bedroom while i was on my bed i came to after i finished watching every david dobrik video and you was them because they even tagged their tag on the walls fuck if only i just looked up briefly or even just heard them i would have absolutely smashed them cunts time to get more fucking army together josh and cursor they started a war can't stab stab twist shit slap neck fat blast ac can't stab very strong character oh man he is diary entry number 1076 from matthew gregory brown i barely slept how could i i had been had to buy a morbidly obese six-year-old woman oh this must be like a continuation from last week i had been had i had to have her back not only to show her but to prove to myself that i was the top hava i spent the day dipping my brown nut bag onto a hot grill the heat stimulates my brown mints once midnight came i began my hunt i bounded backwards to the park where i'd been had i picked up her scent and bounded backwards until i was close to the source i slowly approached the backyard of where the scent was leading me and as i rounded the corner i saw her she was branding herself with a hot spoon and without looking up said i've been waiting for you brown she must have known i was coming i fight back the fear and step closer to her i yell it does not matter all that matters is i've had you and i will have you again she stopped branding herself and looked up at me she smiled to reveal her long sharp teeth my little brown stares and i attack she launches herself at me and our bodies collide with a slap under the moonlight we explosively struggle to gain the upper hand i connect a hard right straight to this bitch's fucking jaw but she did not slow i stabbed the entire length of my thumb deep into one of her eyes but again she keeps advancing i attempt to grab her throat but i'm left defending myself against her slashing fingernails she plunges her nails into my back fat and rips straight down i let out an almighty yell as she slashes my face and punts my brown sack i dropped my knees blood gushing from my wounds how is she so powerful i feel her breasts wrap around my neck and start choking me i struggle to pull the tits off with my own hands she's screaming as loud as she can in my ear and i think that she has bested me i feel her fingers enter my ass i become lightheaded and start losing strength then let him go choir another voice yells i felt the woman's grip loosening i managed to stay conscious as she lets me go and steps away i look up and there i see questin he's flicking his chest clinton staring at the woman who was just fighting me this is what you wanted questin she said let me finish him no choir this is not how i wanted to happen it has to be fair the woman named choir continues to stare at me and i can see she wants to have me who is she questin i managed to ask matthew this is our real mother her name is choir i found her when i was searching for ways to have you she left us with dad after we were born what they're impossible i know you're confused right now matthew but prepare yourself for me choir or mum is training me to be the most powerful hava the world has ever seen and my first have will be you we will see you soon matthew i can't wait to have your mince fill my organs and with that they walked away my mind was spinning and i was badly injured i stumbled home wrapped myself in glad wrap and went into a deep sleep fucking hell man she's getting my very uh oh psychology oh my god dude oh that was the best part of the story for me was the name was choir i can't believe that that's happened to you mat that that's all 100 percent factual like it's honestly hard to believe that's fucked up oh my god so the person you've thought is your mum all along is not your biological mother your actual mother is choir oh the fucking names that you generate are great fucking fucking anyway should we have a moment of silence for a choir no we should move on all right we'll move on the next segment has been renamed to and this is a segment where we answer the questions that you write us you comment on the fully actual youtube channel all right now if you want your question asked all right ask it and then the qui i answer the questions that are the most liked don't we we started them and then we work back to the we work back some are good and they i think they get missed in the pile so have a comment i do look at them all and then have a scroll through and like the questions that you want us to answer and we'll try and answer them first we we do read all the comments all right so keep them coming i love nothing more than spending my monday nights reading through the comments stroking our own egos laugh like that when mon's trying to sleep what happened muddy someone called me the best the breasts anyway it was a tie for top comment oh here we go can't yep it was between wild boy 55 and jonathan smith jonathan smith we'll start with wild boy question for the podcast when is it's such a good name it's sorry okay are you ready yeah are you sure yeah okay um no when is julien and lockie going to have a showdown with marty and michael and julien's corner and jackson and lockies that will be so funny what like boxing i don't know is there something relevant to that because he's asked it a few times and a lot of people like maybe it's because like lockie films for jackson because julien films for like a right a filming a film off maybe they could have a film off they have to both film the same three objects and then use their editing skills to try and make that video funny who's better at CGI what about this scrap that and we do this i'm timing it tell me when to start now i couldn't enjoy it because i was focusing on fucking tech trying to time it and it fucked up not my best not my best i didn't even hear it in my ears like it's gone in my head i didn't even get to enjoy that because i was focusing on the time it's a bit watery it was a was it good no it's like a rap video yeah okay um exactly like a rap music video that probably reminds us if you if you got farts on recording send them into the uh my god oh yeah how could we forget how okay next new segment starting next week well as soon as we get some basically well yeah which will be you next week hopefully guys send them in okay we we could this i can't believe we haven't thought of this earlier this could quite possibly be our best segment idea yet yeah it's good and all we want is for you to record your fart and record it in i thought they were gonna send oh i fucking misjudged i misread this bag i honestly thought they were gonna send their farts in and we'd yeah that's way too much effort look if you want to if you want to you can fight i want a percent but yeah if you want to you can find a jar and send that into our peer books but for this segment all we want just please do just you don't have to film your ass or anything just be recording so it catches the audio so just press record film the sound of your fart and send it in because we're gonna start playing them and timing them and whoever gets the longest fart by the end of the season gets one thousand dollars wait i just thought they're gonna fucking they're gonna cheat they're gonna cheat all right man maybe just pick the funniest maybe have to show your asshole no no because so you can see i like the idea of being an easy audio you just want to see it you just want to see if i'm serious i can have a wank over but um if you send it to the mighty Michael fully actual instagram there is the option to record audio like right in your replies that'll probably be the easiest way to do it now because we want them to stay to be able to play again and again because yeah but they do don't they depends how they sound okay maybe i don't know um yeah just send them to the fully actual i guess yeah fully actual instagram or so marty and michael fully actual yeah just send them to us via instagram the fart sounds and we're just gonna play the fart and we'll rate them yeah we can rate them in the comments we can rate them we can we can have we can have a discussion about each fart we can discuss each fart they are it's it's like art to us so we can discuss each fart i thought you were gonna speak especially for the fart segment it's very important so we are Mike's and we treasure this sort of stuff so we are the ones to judge it if you think about and look we can time it we can see i know people can cheat so we'll be aware of that but you know just send in just be real man don't cheat and send in your farts and let's just time it and just see what happens that's a great segment man can't believe we haven't started that yet send in your fart yeah it's very good it's quite exciting i actually thought that it was going to be send in the scent itself so i fucked up there yeah michael thought i meant it's fart in a jar because then we could smell it how are they gonna do that you send it like the po box how the fuck are they gonna do that they fart in it seal it send it and then we smell it and we say what sort of scent it is because i'm good at sense you know what very good it's not gonna work but i prefer to wear donut films send it in so we can see if it works donut films you should send your fart in yeah send your farts in i want to know wait is this illegal you guys asking a child oh fuck well it's not sexual i don't i'm not getting off over the fart i have seen you i have seen you when yeah that was a lie not sexually getting off no it's a lie again put the skin on your hand and then wank yourself with it the fart scent no the skin that he sent you on the foot and you had the teeth in your mouth and you're like moving them around this sound oh why are you touching him i don't know i feel like they're clean now can you explain everyone on spotify there's someone i think donut films yeah he did sent in these false teeth that are real teeth so we just play with them you think for false teeth they would make them a bit whiter you know like they're not like super yellow but just maybe a little bit more we could make some tiktoks with this or something yeah definitely imagine um the greens having the green suit and just having the teeth there popping out of an opening or something that would be that'd be crazy it'd be next level mate let me tell you and for you to say something like that like you're a strong character yeah should we continue yeah all right uh jonathan smith who's also got top one um question for the podcast marty if you if you had to choose between taking a shot of matt brown's man juice or a shot of the golly bottle to save bozzy's life what would you choose i'd have to have your cunt yeah i would do a day of the week at least with the cum i know i can't die yeah and i'll pineapple it up for you there's a fucking funny story for the boys to count yeah but the other way if i do the golly bottle i could die yeah and there's no golly bottle anymore michael has emptied the contents all over himself one of the sickening things i've ever seen all the while some like orchestra music was playing it's like the halo theme song do you know that song matt the halo theme song no i play fortnight with julien so yeah you and julien play so much fortnight now julien loves fortnight yeah oh if anyone's keen to play julien in fortnight add in asking but he's fucking good though he's obsessed with fortnight now like that's like a win yeah he fucking doesn't even go out on weekends anymore he just plays that and pokemon he like he's rewatching or like then yeah he's he's serious he's loving all the nerd stuff from back when he was in primary school i think because he loved it as a kid too i was driving to work the other day and because i got to go past his place and i saw him doing fortnight dances on his balcony yeah he does he knows he heaps i think you know them all yeah all right next question is from james cook patrick um question who gets more drunk out of michael and austin austin is part of shammy's uncut crew um are they both seem to have videos in the past where they don't wake up from being drunk um who's worse michael would hundred in both of them in their prime michael wins hands down yeah i'm i'm out i'm gone completely gone he's fucking he's literally unconscious but and but he's been awake for three days straight if i wanted no it seems dark but like if i was to die that's the way to do it because drunk you fucking just i don't know what's going on i'm out like he can slap me as hard as he wants and i will not feel a thing so you could like smash heaps of alcohol anyway it was fucking perfect for videos you being like that though but you know if yeah if that if you ever got like that again i would i reckon i'd just fucking butcher your hair so you'd wake up looking like that fucking like that yeah a lot of these guys i remember watching we're at termside shops watching ufc and michael goes i'm gonna go for a nap don't tell marty and he walked out to the car park and he just sat down in the car park and there's like a little garden bed it was fucking disgusting that was the day we filmed the video like yeah and i i've strayed away told marty and gave him my phone i think and he went straight and started burying him in bark bark that was legit we'd been day drinking and michael got fucking slaughter cunted this is like after we'd only just start making money so we just thought we were the novelty of being able to go out and have fun was new again and we were just like fucking getting fucked up and michael drank heaps during the ufc and was like yeah walked off matt told me he was fucking asleep in the car park so i had to go and see it for myself and then sure enough there he was just lying on a footpath near the fucking bushes near the main gimpy road comfy completely fucked and like annoyed that i was like putting bark on him and shit like didn't realize that it's like it's not your fucking bedroom your fucking line in the middle of a footpath in public yeah well like you know when you just drink too much too quickly and you need to just switch off i haven't been i needed to go switch off that has never happened to me i always walk home yeah that i that i get that drunk that i pass out and then wake back up in an hour and fine and well think about it we we talked about this the other day park i guess it was at the end of the night but we halfway back to my house on days road we had a sleep in a little island yeah that was like fucking five a.m. yeah that's cute it was like three p.m. yeah it's a bit different you're right but yeah i don't know i just drank too much too quickly and needed some time to myself so very good it's very good it just gets up and fucking starts pissing while he's facing gimpy road dude i've been pretty sure that day the same bouncer when we went to go back exactly so confused yeah like you were coherence the same bouncer who had seen me passed out was at a different bar later on later on working and then we go to that bar and he's like how the fuck are you alive do you remember like no anyway happy days next question is from defy underscore you um michael um marty makes lots of different sounds and noises which makes you laugh what's your favorite sound he makes tickle that's up there lately that's very good um i know there's a lot of car like if you just something starting with c or k a little car right cry yeah client carla like a lot of that gets me um just screaming Michael likes just straight out screaming or when you like you go to ask him something or something's been said and he quickly replies with something it's very good because it shocks you the shock makes me laugh i don't know it depends and depending on the mood next question is from gyrex um and this is a bit of an explainer one as well so can you guys please explain or elaborate on this how do i be more be how do you know that you've been more be once you've been more be i don't think you really ever can know but you can feel it you can feel if you're being more be like it's like christian saying you know when you're trying to talk to god and there's those people that say oh fuck man i can't i can't seem to hear god's voice like i actually can't hear it it's the same with being more be like you can't hear it you can't you can't you can't see it but it's happening you can feel it it's like you know it's like being you know some people say oh i'm really like spiritual like what does that mean can you can they see spirits and shit no they're just they're just being more spiritual you can be more just be just be because human beings like that's it that's the title of who we are being like we are being so just be more of that focus your attention on being so if you're a human like if you go out that day and you start acting like i know sometimes like an idiot or like a cat or a dog which we do we're not being completely human being so when we're acting when you are acting like a human being as much as possible then you are pretty much being being but you gotta and then from being you got to even halve that so you just you're be so it's like you can take it easy which we do a lot too and that but as long as you're being be then like taking it easy is the same as being be because you're all doing that at the same time next question all right next question is from demon badger um marty what type of bird was cryptus i think he was a rainbow rainbow lorikeet it was hard to tell her he was pretty severely decomposed when i already found him um and some of his colors had sort of blended together and i think there was like some blooded sort of bleached some of his feathers uh but yeah i'm pretty sure he was a rainbow lorikeet um because when i did find him there was other rainbow lorikeets around as well so yeah next question is from matthew nulls i have a question for matt brown would you have a hit marty and marco with a metal chair don't know why he wanted me to wanted to know that but no i wouldn't because um i like my friends i'm the nice one could be a cool could be a cool clip man could be a fucking cool clip what about if it's a cool clip if the cameras are rolling fucking swing at me can't oh it's come up behind me fucking stab me in the neck with a fucking screwdriver can't seriously bro nothing's off limits with us can't nothing's off limits here can't nothing's off limits here brother there you go one big fucking unit can't fucking stab me in the back can't seriously i get a fucking knife can't and put it in my fucking shoulder like yeah yeah it's fucking stab me you can't you fucking can't you fucking we run a muck here at marty and michael it's fucking crazy he can't it's fucking crazy oh we are off tap all right next question oh next question is from george tomlin big love from the uk you guys are pure comedy was his words um do you prefer to work on your videos as a pair or do you rather work with guests like a jackson or a lachlan or a michael felon or a shami it changes it depends depends on what video we're filming sometimes we know that some of our fellow friends wouldn't be able to handle the uh the depths that we have to go to to discover some answers to science so sometimes the only people willing to to trek the path is us so we don't have a choice we must go to the loan brave soldiers man we are brave warrior soldier scientists yeah but um yeah like it's fun filming videos with the boys obviously like fucking it's nice having other people to fuck with and it's nice just um having more people in the video it's usually less work for us but um yeah so a bit of both man shoot a bit of fucking both to tell you the truth next question is from um from james kurt pactrick he also asked this one i thought was pretty cool um how long does it take to get a prank done so from the time you think of it to actually getting it finished edited and out what what's like your uh varies fucking what today fuck i had one day removed in like in my hair two hours today when got the cream put it in put on the cream then the cream's off so yeah like literally spent sometimes they're like clips that have taken like a clip one week then don't get another one for two months and you get another one and then you get fucking six in one day sometimes it just varies really but i've been saving up a fair few scare clips it has gotten um harder matte browns in them over the years um this one is from shannon croft uh question for the podcast how come no one has ever returned to the moon been done been done and they're sending robots to do that now so i'll tell you what mate i'll tell you something for free you want to hear it good because here it is it's moons not that great man it's just a fucking rock oh there could be some stuff on there some cheese man there's like craters and shit in it's just a rock this is going around it gets hit by meteor ice and shit nothing it's just fucking sits there and spins can't and controls the fucking water can't you know how i see the moon you know when you go to places and there's like lots of islands there's islands with beaches and stuff and then there's shitty little islands that's just pure rock and you're like i don't really want to go there it looks cool but i don't want to go there yeah you wasn't on it you wouldn't go to the moon hey it's just a sand protruding out of the water if the moon were an island on earth it would just be a sand rock sticking out of the water no plants or animals on it and there'd be a dickhead with a flag running around yeah i guess that's what happened right but yeah i reckon the moons the moon's like so a long ago move on let's get to somewhere that matters can't Pluto i want to be there i want to be up there with venus can't nah Pluto it's the furthest away Pluto's not a planet anymore was it Pluto sorry yeah so sorry yeah it definitely was Pluto all right final question are you ready man hit me with it brother Tom mark m mark them um boys if you had to hide a block of cheese in or around your body where would you put it and why just curious because i'm trying to steal cheese well i guess the obvious place would be to undies well you cut it up and put it in little plastic bags and swallow the bags hole uh yeah or just into your uh coveted cavities yeah you could go your undies but then it's risky can't because if you get frisks or if dogs come sniff you can't they can't flip you down and fucking okay so if the cheese is code for drugs no if it's if just normal cheese but what about what if you're trying to hide trying to steal cheese i guess okay they're not going to frisk you at a shop oh yeah you should be safe with the underwear just walk out me personally i'd grade it and shove the grated cheese up my ass it could work hey it could fully shape into like a like a new shit cheese shit tube and then you've insert the shit tube you sit it in the freezer once it's graded once you've got your tube dildo shaped tube of grated cheese and then hang on i reckon it's no no because that's gonna that's gonna be like like a dildo that you're sitting on because it's frozen you could just have the grated cheese go bit by bit shove it up there because then it's easier because it's not going to be like hard and it will just go into your bowels and sit on the edges you can keep attention from grating it you can keep pushing it up there like compost but there will be shit on the all of the cheese all of it at least with the frozen there'll just be a layer of shit on the outside layer and then you get the cheese slicer and you slice the shit cheese off and revealing the fresh frozen cheese underneath but you are getting it out of the shop you're not going to have time for that mate you can't freeze the cheese how you're going to grade it think of coming around imagine walking around the aisle you're working at a shop and there's this free grating cheese i'll show you i can go to coals get a great accent in the corner grate the block meld it into a tree put it in their freezer section hidden behind some frozen shit right come back in the next day and shovel the fucking thing up my asshole and straw out of there look it's no one's business can you steal cheese look it's no one's fucking business very good bravo we can all right we'll do that that's the way still cheese that's the way forward that's the way forward holy fuck we're fucked that's not good if that's the way forward do you see oh yeah you got it watch me get him again watch this open mouth open mouth and open heart and be more be oh i was really believing in that sorry all right i guess it's time for our new segment where we explain shit the segment's been renamed to so much moisture very good very be you have to have the moisture to get that sound that's very be trust me i tried to read that before and i couldn't get there my mouth was far too dry to read that be punched so trust me when i say that is that yours yeah sorry okay all right explainer is from sam warner hello masters of the universe i have something that needs explaining what is the big bang theory and how did you do it so basically before shit was here can't these two fucking rocks because space's got no like gravity and shit right so there's two fucking rocks just like fucking bang into each other like full on head on car collision like picture two trucks but bigger like four trucks just slamming into each other like maybe a hundred mile an hour right so because there's no gravity in that there's nothing to stop the shockwave right so that explosion just fucking tore shit so much up that all the little specks of shit throughout time just sort of turned into shit yeah i mean so basically we're all fucking just little bits of rock and shit some dumb cunt bitch spat out when two fucking rocks slam into each other cunt we're just like a rock wall of like kids having a rock wall under a bridge in a different universe that's what we are that's one of it that's one of it that happened but there's other parts of it that big bang yeah it's just like any computers and it's an expanding head on collision with two rocks and we've once dust settles down oh dust turns into that's earth now because there's a plant because the energy that gets delivered out turns into suns and shit and that warms a little dust particle and that earth now and cunt perfect conditions here we are cunt that's it and that's like the scientific brief sort of i don't know if you could follow that but and now we'll build new similar i guess new universes once we get higher tech yeah we've been trying we have actually tried to recreate the big bang once yeah we failed at that though you guys don't see a fact there are many failed science experiments that we don't even bother posting because you know no one wants to see that yeah there wasn't enough carnage in it well it just wasn't an it wasn't a big bang it yeah we yeah exactly it was just two tennis balls hitting each other and we'd hit them perfectly um but yeah like we'll let you guys know about that but we're still doing our numbers and research and shit we gotta redo it and i've got to redo my hypothesis at least yeah at least yeah we gotta do some theory on that one i guess and like what equipment you know yeah we gotta start don't know what equipment so yeah we'll come back to you with that oh yeah fuck big bangs here we are simulations tell you what we've had a couple of big bangs before that woke bozzly from his slumber fucking can you're sorry no wonder no wonder she said oh just next anyway uh next segment the p.o unboxing uh where we open the things that you have sent in live on the podcast we don't know what it is shit today these could be the last moments that we're alive so i'm not in a bomb or something that kills us you're just i reckon they're gonna be good presents just never know all right guys we got fucking first gift here you want to have a look at that one hey it's a very bomb like oh that is definitely doughnutty oh wow no greetings from australia zoo i was there recently with uncle riko vintage clothing these are just stickers is there a note on the back of david attenborough so there's a note on the back of david attenborough is there any has anyone written anything is there i think there's a letter on the back message marty and michael here are sunglasses to block out the haters and matthew gregory brown's shiny head hopefully questin will make a return with his luscious hair so you don't need them again thank you logan fucking just ripped me to bits i'm wearing a hat today whoever that was oh look at these oh yes wow they look fucking cool these are funky has anyone been seeing the connor mcgregor posts yeah i love them really they suit me oh my god man i feel like asking you for pingers count dude oh oh man this is a very very good this is a very good box who is this from this is from hannah thank you very much she sent a fuckload of socks which is like always need socks oh shotgun new wigs another week oh i saw a fucking three-pack kinder surprise oh his favorite fuck yes more cocks more sucks oh yes bumblebee a yowie for matt i love yowies too dude holy shit this is turning into a very good box so far what else have we got i'm like halfway through it oh we got an alien we've got two aliens now we have four oh my god we got a couple of aliens that got sent in we got another yowie matt i'll have that one oh yes that's my treat for later we got let me read this letter all right bottom there's a bomb hey guys no no read to no need to read the note out just wanted to say thanks for the great content you guys are so funny so i'm just catching up with all your podcasts when i bought up one of the alien things i didn't realize you had already been sent one oops sorry about that my bad no the more aliens the better hannah it's fine yeah we'll have a whole desk alien thanks for all the laughs on the podcast and on the university page you guys are the best and also the sunnies are from uncle riko um did marty get a pair of just want to open up the other one yeah and a cow thing same ones sweet and a cow what is it a onesie oh yeah it's a fucking cow onesie only for me oh my god matt this is the next photo shoot this is your name written all over it me taking you down oh yeah all right let's see if we quickly follow rache it's a very lovely rachel very lovely do you understand all right fucking hell thank you very much guys that's uh absolutely lovely and um boy oh boy i can't wait i'm having a yowie right now i don't know about you guys yeah i'm tempted but oh wait i'm gonna have the munchies later why thank you everyone that's lovely very good that's so great so much yeah that's no there was no gremlin shit there this is good that was fucking great all right michael can you show me your shirt it's got a wolf on it and you got it from the markets i bet yeah i did see guest it um is that prank call now that's it yeah are we missing something well we've been skipping german yeah german segment it's coming i believe nicky's working on some more phrases is that correct no i don't think so okay well um maybe i don't i maybe i made that up and told you that but i don't think so no asker i do believe you made that up okay you lied to me about that so the german segment will make a return in some way shape or form we need the german i think it's there we just got to find ones that ah we haven't read well yeah we've got them jumbled up so sorry um fucking hell man uh right oh let's fucking jump into this prank call man you ready matt you sure yeah hello hello hello i miss you from call yeah um can i book in a massage for uh myself oh but today for tomorrow tomorrow okay what time would you like to be here tomorrow uh maybe four p.m oh four p.m okay no problem yeah um so you want the hour yeah just for the hour and um i don't know if you guys do do you guys do like um happy endings oh we do good massage okay great okay um yeah so um my name yeah is michael uh michael okay see you uh i will tell another i will tell another lady four p.m waiting for you perfect wanking for me thank you okay thank you bye but anyway uh on with the prank call hey what am i doing again oh yeah restaurants leave all that in leave all that in um i want people to see that that you know even even us even we do things that a shit happens sometimes you gotta fail to win all right here we go hello my name anald fine uh i look at two uh book a table for two people uh tomorrow night uh uh yeah Wednesday or maybe uh maybe seven p.m if uh if you have yes my name anald fine anald fine yeah and uh i have a request uh my wife uh my wife is sick uh she uh need uh she have uh assistant uh animal do you okay with uh she bring in her uh assistant animal uh no it's uh similar uh similar very uh same thing uh it's uh it's a peak it's a peak uh a large peak it helps with um walking and um it take her to toilet and she very she my wife my wife is sick very sick okay okay i pay for a pig i pay for a pig to come to with need okay like i pay extra my wife my wife needs to pick there at all we cannot go to dinner you understand yeah okay hurry up anald's pushing my wife okay so i can bring the pig for outside seat yeah okay the big pig maybe 100 uh kilo um and maybe uh big table and the pig can sit under the table there and flicking around while we eat dinner and if my wife need to pick uh the pig can come out from under table and take her to toilet and why not sit inside why you uh why you not sit inside it cold at night do you serve the pig do you serve a pork dish yeah you serve pork on your dinner huh so how come pork allowing a restaurant for cook but not to help my sick wife uh the pig is the same thing the pig on the plate the pig on the ground the same thing please please let me please speak your manager to make no sense crazy shit my wife my wife is sick yeah please uh let me speak to manager this crazy you have a pig in store you give a pig to people who pay i bring pig in to help my wife for free for free oh hello i speak to uh staff she say uh you take no assistance uh animal uh you do not let in a restaurant in the restaurant before because in the restaurant it's only one door and i'm not to another customer they uh they're gonna be okay but if you don't mind we can set up a table outside we have table outside available for anyone they have a dog or a animal come with but i have a pig it's a large pig uh maybe 100 kilo uh pig and i say to girl i say uh you serve you serve pig in uh in the restaurant no you serve at the pork so how come you let the pig in the restaurant but no pig in to help my sick wife but you already have a pig in the restaurant uh right now you have a pork in the restaurant no uh so what uh what are the difference if a pig is breathing or not breathing my wife cannot go to toilet without uh pig to lean on the pig li walk next to her big fat pig and she lean on it to flick flick around to the toilet and uh uh help her with the moose make a moose moose and they come back to table that's all the pig very clean very clean animal okay okay come outside with the pig the pig come but we sit outside yeah also no pig outside or inside no no pig outside or inside so what you peek outside the moor door outside if someone sees i can you you serve a pork to your customer and do you do it it's crazy talk you think it's fine to bring the pig because it's just they serve the pig that was up there with one of my favorites that was so good man oh my god i'm fucking crying oh he just knows how to get it done doesn't he that was so good well it makes sense it's like you can't have rules like that if you say no animals don't have animals in them it went from you were allowed to have the pig outside to nothing nothing she must have thought it was a dog yeah yeah man once they misinterpreted what she says like yeah you can bring your pig and then you rock up with a pig oh fuck man save their lives oh anyway uh we're gonna enjoy these uh chocolates that you guys sent in really appreciate everything you guys do for us don't forget to like the video and comment and subscribe don't forget to do all that uh show to your friends uh it was spread it by word of mouth share it send it viral man youtube restricts everything that we do so just just send it we're relying on you guys uh love you played in your workplace um play put it on repeat man you don't even need your headphones on man talk to your friends about anyway but anyway everyone we'll catch you later we're the best we're the best we're the best we're the best best we're the best we're the best we're the best best we're the best we're the best best best we're the best we're the best we're the best best best we're the best best best there's the word best is in asbestos