 George Lincoln has been out of uniform only a few weeks blessed with an abundance of energy and adventuresome spirit and not too much money He has sunk his last diamond office rent a few pieces of furniture and an ad in the classified section of the daily paper Now as he sits back in his swivel chair waiting for the clients to form a line outside his office the door burst so Mr. Lincoln yes Mr. George Lincoln, that's right I saw your ad in the paper. Do you have a crime that needs solve and let George do it? Do you have a dog that needs walking? Let George do it. Do you have a wife that needs spanking? Let George do it What are you a client? Oh, no, Mr. Lincoln. I'm Sonny Brooks. What do you want an interview for your grammar school paper? Oh I graduated from grammar school Congratulations. Thank you That's all right. I'll get it. Hey wait a minute Good morning. Let George do it. How do you like that? Oh, I can make an appointment for you now Mr. Lincoln's confidential assistant. That's nice to know. Well, if you're that close and come right up, Mr. Winters Yeah, goodbye, sir Now look here bottom button. You can call me sonny. Well, now look here sonny. Who hired you? Well, I come with the office. You see Caleb the elevator man is my friend He knew I was looking for a job. So he said sonny whoever gets that office gets you too Well, isn't that just ducky? Oh, you'll find me very reliable. Mr. Lincoln I have intelligence initiative a pleasing personality and I'm cuff cuff. What's that mean? CUF cool under fire. Oh, that's great. Well tap to what's that sir? Take a pot or punk times up Yeah, but mr. Lincoln you're too young sonny things may get a little rough around here. Oh, that's okay, sir I'm a very rugged character. Now then mr. Winters will be here soon winners. Yes, sir Jonathan Winters. He just phoned. Oh We can discuss my salary later. I'll go on the payroll as of today whether I like it or not Well, I have a feeling you're gonna become very fond of me, sir. I grow on people. Yeah, like a bunion All right, sonny call an employment agency and get me a secretary. Well, that won't be necessary, sir Why don't tell me you type to no, but my sister does your sister Claire She'll be here soon to start to work. So does your whole family go with this office? Well, I don't have much of a family. There's just Claire and me. Oh That's tough kid. Well, you like Claire She's prettier than I am. Oh, that's perfect. It doesn't matter. She can type or take dictation just so she's prettier than you are See, this is my lucky day Mr Lincoln. Oh, oh, yes, mr. Whitties come right on in mr. Lincoln. I'm here because Because oh, well, it doesn't matter what the job is mr. Whitties I'm your man. Just throw your problem in my lap and I'll come up with the right answer mr. Lincoln I'm about to be murdered. I don't take it too seriously a lot of us murdered murdered your You're joking I hope I'm not joking. Well, that's a little out of my line mr. Whitties I mean that you see well, uh, mr. Lincoln I I Have been murdered Holy Joe. Oh, well, I don't stand there do something call call somebody the police the fire department I'll get a doctor and sonny. Yeah, mr. Lincoln. Don't get excited. Look at me. I'm perfectly calm Going up miss is mr. Lincoln's office in this building the fifth floor step in Oh, thank you. Oh, you're uh, you're Claire, aren't you? I'm the resemblance you look like sunny nice boys, honey, but give him a hamburger and a coke and he's satisfied You're not like that. Are you well? I thought not some day. I'll cook my specialty for you Devastating duckling divine ola Caleb. You'd like that wouldn't oh, I'm sure. Oh, it is Ever taste chicken broth with nutmeg? Never you haven't lived Oh, it's the fifth floor now you take mr. Lincoln. He appreciates good food. All right, but he will put sugar on his tomatoes I hold to the salt school myself. How about you miss? I knew we had a lot in common First door to your left. Oh, there's mr. Lincoln now. Caleb get a doctor up here right away. I hear no I don't care get a doctor. I'll get dr. Mack. He's very fond of my cheese Mr.. Lincoln well is anything wrong? Oh, no, no nothing trifling now run along sweetheart If you're a client come back tomorrow, will you I'm Claire Brooks sunny sister. You will come back tomorrow Mr. Lincoln well, I spent 10 cents on bus fare to come here to interview you for a job I'm gonna have that interview whether or not you like it. Well, look here's a dime. I'll be a good girl and beat it I certainly will I wouldn't work for you if you offered me a thousand dollars a week to sit behind a desk and do nothing But powder my nose it could stand a little powder at that Oh, wait a minute. You haven't the experience as a secretary You men socks men's iron shirts so buttons cook breakfast over a canister no mr. Lincoln Are you looking for a secretary or a wife? Oh a secretary? I'm still a bachelor knock on wood had one close call Oh, but I got away from her Lucky guy Lucky girl, okay, you're hired. Thank you. I give me back my dime. What about salary? I will discuss that after I collect from my first client. How do I know you'll ever get a first client client? Oh, I've got one now. I don't know what I'm gonna do with them, but I've got him come on in and see for yourself That gentleman stretched down on the floor is my first heat the way you're Sonny sonny. Yeah, mr. Lincoln. Well, where is he? Where's the body? Where's mr. Winters? Holy Joe, mr. Lincoln. He's gone Makes sense. Will you mr. Winters couldn't have just disappeared into thin air. It's like I told you mr. Lincoln I went into the waiting room to phone the police and the next thing I knew you were out here yelling for me Look this window was open matter allergic to fresh air. Well, don't you see it leads to the fire escape And this door leads to a closet and that door leads to a you won't ever mind Will you be serious mr. Winters was shot really? Maybe his murderer followed him here to your office Maybe he hid out on the fire escape listening then when you left the office. He dragged the body out. I'll bet sister's right Look, don't bother your pretty little head with puzzles Claire. Just sit down there and make like a secretary I'll see you later. Where are you going to mr. Winters home? I've got to find some clues and when the police comes stall them Yeah, they'll be here any minute sonny Voldemort mr. Lincoln, what'll I tell them tell them nothing you've got charm, haven't you well use it Mr. Lincoln, I've got to know what do you think happened to my husband now take it easy mrs. What is I was afraid something would happen to him why well he was He was so worried. I thought it was because his writing wasn't going too well He hadn't been able to write anything in a long time or your husband as a writer Yes, I'm mystery writer. Oh sure of course the case of the body in the bathtub murder has the hiccups This is my husband's study Quite a layout. Oh, what are all those papers his manuscript? He was working on the lost corpse the lost corpse Cute title. It wasn't coming easy. He knew it had to be good or it had made the end of Mr. Lincoln, what are you looking for in that waste paper basket? What do you think poor leaf clovers, of course, I want the truth was he murdered? Relax mrs. Witness relax the best man in town is on the job who who why me of course Is this the lost corpse put that manuscript down? Don't look at it. Why not? Oh, I'm sorry You're just a Superstition Jonathan never wanted anyone to read what he was working on oh then of course you haven't read this No, no certainly not Did did your husband have any domestic trouble domestic trouble Jonathan was devoted to me was why the past tense what oh I don't know what I'm seeing Yes, yes, what is it? A policeman I'll be right down look mrs. Witness you you haven't seen me understand But why look your husband trusted me? Why don't you try it? Well, all right, mr. Lincoln Anyway, I can get out of here without going down the stairs well that door leads to my husband's private elevator It takes you down to the back entrance say he thought of everything Well, he liked to come and go without disturbing the rest of the household Very clever man. Okay, mrs. Witness. I'll get in touch with you tomorrow tomorrow You mean you'll have news for me Well, maybe it'll be news to you and then again mrs. Witness. Maybe it won't Mr. Lincoln, what's the idea of dragging me out here in the middle of the night keep your pretty little mouth shut? What is this place anywhere the back entrance to the widows home? Well, haven't they got a front entrance sure, but we're not using it. We're here to steal something I'm supposed to be a secretary not a second story man keep quiet mr. Lincoln I quit some other time now step into that elevator an elevator Where will this thing take up to mr. Witness workroom? It's pitch black in here. I don't feel safe I'm here. That's what I mean. Oh What's that you don't have to hold my hand I'm not holding your hand well someone is well don't scream I got him covered. Hey get that gun out of my ribs sunny. I told you to go home. I have a feeling you're gonna be very glad I'm along mr. Lincoln. You might need me. Yeah, like I need a second head. You could use it Are you two stay right here? I know where the desk is. What do you want in there? Well, I've got to get the lost corpse lost corpse. You mean you think mr. Winter's body's in there No, no, no, no the manuscript of his book now keep quiet. Don't make a sound Mr. Lincoln, what was that? Oh just an old shin of mine. Hey, I hear somebody coming up the stairs Okay kids we can beat it now. I found the lost corpse. Is it a good story mr. Lincoln? Why aren't you gonna let us read it? Mrs. Winter's wouldn't approve. Oh, what's she like? Is she attracted? She has the most beautiful the biggest Blue eyes never mind mrs. Winners. What about the lost corpse? Well, it's a very unusual story About a man and his wife how original the wife would like to give him the gate But she hasn't any money of her own However, she stands to collect a lot of her husband ever kicks the bucket. Is there a murder natch the husband is shot But he manages to make his way to a private investigators office. Oh, is that in the story? Sure Yeah, but that's what mr. Winners did the husband tells the investigator. He's about to be murdered Hey, that's what mr. Winners told you then he collapses when the investigator steps out of his office the wounded man disappears Just like mr. Winners did that's what actually happened. It is. Oh, what do you know about that? Well go on mr. Lincoln, then what well later the guy returns to his wife He says you thought you killed me, but I'm not dead yet. You you Yes, go on Well, that's all that's as far as mr. Winners got with this story No wonder mrs. Winners didn't want you to read it. It's a story of their life. It shows. She's guilty She killed her husband Hey, mr. Lincoln. Yeah Caleb, what do you want? Where's mrs. Winters? Is she all right now? Mrs. Winters, what are you talking about? I left her in your waiting room. She came to see you When was this few minutes ago? She acted kind of funny like maybe she was sick, but I was cooking a mackerel on my hot plate down Stairs, and you know you got to keep your eye on a macro never mind the mackerel. Where is she now? I just come up. She's all right. Do you want me to stuff the mackerel with cornbread Caleb? Are you sure you left mrs. Winters here in my writing room? You know some people like my stuff and I prefer corn myself mr. Lincoln look on the table a woman's purse with initials on it Mw Marsha Winters Do you think the same thing happened to her mr. Lincoln someone followed her here and hit on the fire escape now Now she heard us talking. She knew we thought she was guilty Say how are you two at playing games games at a time like this look sunny you be sunny I'll be George Lincoln and Claire you be mr. Winters Oh, what about me wouldn't I do mr. Lincoln you go stuff your mackerel all right Now Claire step outside the office give us a few minutes then come in and say you expect to be murdered Oh, I get it you want to reenact the crime smart boy. Okay Claire get going first I'm a second story man, and now I'm an actress I quit I'll go on Claire be a good sport humor I said I quit we haven't got time now. You can quit tomorrow. Oh very well, but you can think of a silly Now what'll we do mr. Lincoln? That's exactly what we did when mr. Winters first stepped into this office Okay Claire come on in I Don't think she heard you All right Claire. We're ready What's the matter with her I'll get her Claire you can come in now Claire Where is she? Oh Joe this is quite a problem now my sister's disappeared Well Lincoln doesn't seem to have gotten very far in his solution of this case First a murdered man disappeared from right under his nose Then the murdered man's wife mysteriously departed and now his secretary is vanished into thin air Are you just gonna sit here in your office mr. Lincoln? Aren't you gonna do anything? She's my sister She's the only sister I've got I'll take it easy sonny nothing happened to Claire well, then where is she couldn't take it? That's all so she quit left us flat. Well, that doesn't sound like Claire The mackerel looks good enough to eat brown and crisp By the way, please card just stopped in front. Huh, holy Joe the police How does buttered radishes with the mackerel strike you look Caleb get down there and stall the police Oh, I intend to and we can top it off with cherry flamboy. Come on Sonny. We'll leave by the fire escape Oh and Sonny yeah, mr. Lincoln bring Mrs. Winter's purse along with you Yeah, that's the trouble with women as soon as they're going gets a little tough. They walk out on you Excuse me mr. Lincoln, but aren't you in kind of a jam with the police? You're right sonny. She is She is sir much prettier than you are Mr. Lincoln, we can't just drive around all night We've got to find out who murdered mr. Winter's and what they did with his body and where Mrs. Winter's disappeared to and what happened to Claire Isn't that right sir, and she's very intelligent that is for a woman mr. Lincoln Okay, Sonny look at the address on that letter. What letter sir the one and Mrs. Winter's purse Is there a letter in here? Well, didn't you notice it when Claire opened the purse? No sir. Oh here it is It's addressed to Mrs. Marcia Winters 300 pepper tree lane Cedarhurst. Uh-huh. Hey That's in the country. Yeah, they must have a country home too Cedarhurst. That's out on highway six right near Hey, we're on highway six. We're headed towards Cedarhurst now. Oh brilliant deduction, Sonny I'll increase your ration of bubblegum Yeah, I filled her up sir. No water. No, thanks. Yeah wash you in she you don't bother I washed it once and I couldn't do a thing with it Hey, don't get many customers around here tonight a pretty deserted rule. Uh-huh. I'll uh, I'll bet we're the first car You've seen this evening. That's right Except that there are cab cab with a woman in it. Hey now. How'd you guess? Hey, I'll bet it was Mrs. Winters Hang on Sonny. We're getting warm It's this it mr. Lincoln careful. Don't make any noise There's a light inside the cabin. Yeah, and a woman see her moving around. Oh, yeah I can make out her shadow now. Yeah very shapely shadow We're gonna just walk right in. Oh, no, no, of course not. That's no fun What would they do in a mystery show? They'd climb in the window then we'll climb in a window Mr. Lincoln she turned off the light Shall I go in first stand back son? This is a man's job. I'll grab her. Yes, sir Oh, no, you don't you'll stay right here Yes, sir, let's see what we bag Claire Well, well, well if it isn't second-story Clarissa You have to be so rough. I'll bet you crack two ribs. Sorry. I don't know my own strength Well now that you see who I am you don't have to keep on holding me. Yeah, but it's fun Claire What are you doing here? Well, she saw the address on the letter So she decided to follow the clue Yeah, but why didn't she let us in on it? She thought I was a dope sonny so she took over You know all the answers don't you not quite what happened when you got here nothing place looked deserted I crawled in the window to no one here. I couldn't see anyone, but Well, I've had the strangest feeling. Yeah, as though someone's been watching. Well, stay here with Sonny. I'll look around Holy Joseph. You sure had me scared. I'm sorry, Sonny But mr. Lincoln didn't seem to be making any effort to solve the case. Well, don't kid yourself He just keeps things to himself. Well, everything seems to be in order Hey That was a car look Sonny Claire stand back there in the corner. I'll cover the door be careful, mr. Lincoln Do I detect concern in your voice? Well, good evening, Mrs. Winters. Oh May I present my two assistants Claire and Sonny Brooks? How did you know I'd come here? What do you want? Oh, just want to make talk mr. Lincoln. You've got to believe me. I'm not like the woman in his story I love Jonathan and you're the girl who never reads his manuscripts until they're finished. Well, I Oh, go ahead turn me over to the police. I don't care what happens anymore I'm in no mood for confessions blow your nose Mrs. Winters. We're gonna play a little game Sonny you keep an eye on Mrs. Winters. Don't let her leave. Oh, don't worry. I won't try to run away Look Claire, you're the wife and the lost corpse more acting I quit tomorrow now that I'll be the husband of mr. Winters story here are some lines for you to read Claire You came all prepared didn't I will skip to the part where I walk in wounded and say you thought you kill me But I'm not dead yet. You think you can follow those lines. I can read if that's what you mean. All right all set. Let's go You thought you kill me, but I'm not dead yet. No. No, I didn't shoot you. I swear I didn't but who'll believe you the police all the clues point to you Do you mean yes, my dear you wanted me out of the way. Well, you got your wish I shot myself. No, I killed myself, but they'll think you're guilty. You'll pay for it I'll get a doctor too late too late. Goodbye my dear. Goodbye for just a little while Then I die. What a performance. I Don't get it mr. Lincoln. You wrote this ending for his story. Is that it? Well, of course. What's the story without an ending? I'll tell you what mr. Lincoln is getting at He's trying to prove that my husband shot himself shot himself in such a way that it would look as though I murdered him. Why would Jonathan do such a thing? He knew that I loved him You don't have to put on an act for us. Why don't you turn her over to the police now? I'll keep your shirt on, sonny Okay, you come in now. You mean the police are here the police Well, how did you like my way of ending your story mr. Winters mr. Winters Jonathan here? It was very clever, mr. Lincoln I'm terribly sorry. You were worried darling. I tried to go home and explain but the police were there. I don't understand Will you see the ending to the lost corpse was driving me crazy? See I knew that when I searched his waste paper basket. It was full of rejected ending finally I decided to do just what the hero in my book did then when he saw the police were questioning you mr. Winters he came out here to hide. I saw him in the closet, but I wanted to put on a show for him Oh, John, I'll forgive me darling Well, come on kids. They don't need an audience. Wait a minute mr. Lincoln I've got the ending to my story thanks to you and with all that publicity in the papers It's sure to have a big sale so name your fee Well, I don't know mr. Winters. I haven't really thought about it. It's supposed to be saying even grand I'll send you a check in the morning. Oh, no hurry. No hurry, but I just happen to have a pen and a blank check with me As a matter of fact, it's all made up. Just need your signature mr. Winters. Oh, yes Holy Joe a thousand bucks. There you are Thanks. Thanks. Well, let's go kids Good night mr. Winters, and if you ever get stuck again, I'll remember good night. Good night What a day now I feel like a lapsing Sonny come here and put your arm around. Oh sure, sis. Go away, sonny Let George do it Next week at this time George Lincoln has a difficult problem thrust upon him You will probably hear him saying something like this all that money just to find you a wife, mr. Peterson why it's a sin now just a minute mr. Lincoln I've got to have me a wife who loved my little Annabelle Annabelle Yeah, and all her little brothers and sisters all her brothers and sisters. How many have you got 400 400 children? No 400 pigs