 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be shooting this live stream for you today our topic the four warning signs He's gonna end the relationship. What do men say when they break up? Already really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content And if there's anything during this video that resonates with you, please do me a favor and hit that like button and We're going to be doing content first and then the Q&A So if you just want to you're listening to the replay just know for the next five ten fifteen minutes It's gonna be content then we're gonna go straight to Q&A. All right We're gonna talk about the warning signs that men or women actually Start to develop when they're about to end the relationship now before I get into this I want to share with you something very personal to me I went through a divorce I After turning 40 and going through a divorce which seems like a million years ago, but about a decade and a half ago I remember so I went through a divorce and I'm in Family court because we had to go to court one time and I'm first up just really quickly when you go to family court you It's as lay versus as lay is what happened And you're on the docket and we happen to be fourth on the docket But we had to get there at 8 a.m. Because we didn't know which number we were in so I'm sitting we were number four So I'm listening to three other couples ahead of us And I'm listening to what caused you know what their their issue was going on in their divorces Okay, and I'm listening to the first couple. I'm listening the second couple I'm listening a third couple. I'm thinking to myself. Do you know what? Anybody who ever gets married should go to family court first to see what causes Endings of a relationship. I repeat that people should go to family court before they ever get married so they can see the problems that happen in Relationship and it occurred to me that if you could avoid if you recognize what the problems are you can avoid it in Advance you can avoid it or at least address them much sooner Does that resonate with you if it is please hit that like button? So I know this resonates with you because I the way I approach my coaching is very much reverse Engineering taking what causes most endings in a relationship. What causes breakups? What causes people to stop loving one another and Try to head it off at the past and so I've studied I have over 20,000 hours of coaching I've got over 3,000 hours of personal development workshops both workshops trainings videos I'm currently getting my cognitive behavioral therapy certificate I have a neuro linguistic programming certificate and as I said before 20,000 hours of coaching women now. I'm not saying this to impress you I just want to impress upon you that what I'm about to share is Because I've studied this I'm not selling you on some bullshit idea of reverse psychology to get the guy back Or get the girl that to me is a lot of crap I'm here to talk about human behavior and what causes people to do what they do is this sinking in is this resonating Please let me know hit that like button so more people can get to see this So one of the books that I've read it's and by the way for those who watch my videos No, I continually recommend the same books over and over and over again because there's a reason for it They're really your life if you really want to have a successful relationship I highly recommend reading about about 10 of the books that I recommend I mean, I recommend a variety of different books But these books and one happens to be by the author One book is called eight dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman eight dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman Now by the way, there's a link to all my Jonathan recommend books in the description but why I'm talking about John and Julie Gottman today is He did the exact same thing he watched. I think over 3,000 couples Over a period of time to learn what were the problems in relationship and then he reverse engineers it So very much I before I even knew he existed I had already been doing that And he came up with the four horsemen of the apocalypse that he says the four horsemen of the apocalypse In other words, this is what causes most tension and aggravation in relationship and the four horsemen are contempt criticism Defensiveness and stonewalling. Let me repeat that contempt criticism defensiveness and stonewalling So this is the common traits of what happens with not traits Experiences most couples have before a relationship ends So I'm actually going to add to that what men say to give you clues so you can be prepared Okay, so let's jump into it So the number first one I'm sharing and by the way, this isn't in the order of that I just shared but the first one is when a man says I'm busy I'm busy and he begins to be continually busy in other words. There's chaos going on his life There's busyness going on his life. There's always something else This is after the initial stages of when men claimed you because they were chivalrous and they Romanced you so they could get laid because that's the driving force, you know, this whole rhetoric that men love the hunt We don't love the hunt. We just like what comes after the hunt. We get laid. We don't actually like the hunt We just like the byproduct of the hunt and that's about them, you know, so when men are in the hunt mode It's purely for sex. It's not like I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in the world. I want the notebook I want serendipity. That's not how men operate. What are they on the hunt for sex? So they're very attentive in the beginning but when men settle into the relationship If they're ready if they're if they're losing interest in the relationship, they'll begin to start being busy That's called stonewalling. That's called stonewalling. In other words, they're prolonging things Until they either get the courage to end the relationship or find someone new or you break up with them Okay, so when you notice a pattern of busy busy busy busy, that's a clue That's a warning sign that he may be ready to end the relationship. Okay number two Now this one I said he I wrote this down so give me a second I said he walls up emotionally and doesn't share intimate things anymore. He's more factual He talks in facts not emotions. So he says things like oh, I went to work today. Oh, I did the gym today He's more curt. He's very he's operating from a place of contempt. In other words, it's like you're aggravating him Like so this contempt is this feeling of I'm better than you or you don't matter to me That's what contempt is. It's it's basically saying you don't matter anymore Your feelings don't matter and what's happening is they don't share Intimacy with anymore. It's very curt factual curt factual curt factual Have you ever experienced this if you have please hit that like button? Let me know Because these are the common traits or common experiences that happen before a breakup So let's jump into number three. Okay, I said I do content first and then we'll jump into the Q&A So number three He starts complaining about you. He's almost seems mad. There's tension. He gets irritated with you regularly This is where he starts criticizing you complaining you so remember I said, you know, there was Stonewalling contempt and now this is criticism. Okay, and he also might turn it around things that are problematic He might turn around and get defensive. Okay, so remember I said defensive is another one of things now Defensiveness is very common when there's friction going on because as human beings we often operate from a place of ego and not love Let me repeat that we operate from a place of ego not love This is why I highly recommend I have the CD version, but I recommend reading the book Return to love by Marianne Williamson return to love by Marianne Williamson Why I love this book and I have the CD version of it Is it all differentiates between ego and love ego and love and we oftentimes operate from that fear-based ego place In fact in my book what the heck is self-love anyway? And by the way, again, there's a link in the description to all the books I recommend in my book what the heck is self-love anyway I go into differentiating how our ego Operates from a place of both contempt You know for another and also defensiveness because the ego can't handle Friction the ego can't handle problems. So when you notice a man is complaining He's getting irritated with you. He starts becoming defensive. That's a sign that he's probably getting ready to break up with you And here's the fourth one, okay And this one I've heard this from a lot of women. Okay, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing I'm laughing because I've heard it so many times not that this is funny. In fact, it's quite the opposite But when a man starts pulling away Sexually he starts pulling away sexually and he starts saying things like I'm not in the mood And he stops being affectionate stops kissing you That's a sign That he might have either shame going on within him But it's a stonewalling act. This goes back to stonewalling This is stonewalling the deeper issue that may be going on The deeper issue that may be going on with him that he may not be Emotionally attached to you because when a man is deeply emotionally attached and he's got a penis in a libido He's going to want to jump your bones on a regular basis But when a guy is becoming detached from you, he also detaches from sex Um now some men have high sex drive and they actually go seeks out sex sex Elsewhere, but i'm not talking about those guys. I'm talking about just the average garden variety Midlife guy who might have some ed issues, but he's also when he's detaching from you emotionally He's going to most likely start detaching from you sexually. Is this sinking in is this resonating has this ever happened to you? Please let me know by hitting that like button So as I said before when you reverse engineer problems, you can start recognize. So what happens is by understanding this You can start predicting human behavior and when you can predict human behavior, you can make better choices This is why when I designed my private coaching program and i'm so excited several women signed up today I only work with six women a month for my private boot camp and a couple signed up for today What they wanted help with is learning how to vet for emotionally mature men Learning how to vet for emotionally mature men emotionally mature men lean into the problems within a relationship versus running away Emotionally mature people lean into the problems instead of running away now anxious people Needy people Like they fight like hell to keep the relationship going and they can fight like hell to keep a really crappy relationship going I'm talking about those who want a juicy delicious healthy relationship It requires learning which guys are emotionally available and which ones are not and if you want some support on that Check out the link to a free discovery call with me in the description Because that's my area of expertise to help reeducate you on the reverse engineering of a relationship and how to vet for emotionally maturity I hope this is sinking in All right, I think it's time to take questions. So if you have a question Really quickly write the word question then write your question after the word question So I can see it in the live chat and please hit that like button if this is resonating with you What happens is the more likes more people get invited to the live stream So I'd be really grateful if you did that. All right, I'm going to grab my cup. What does my cup say? Let that shit go Let that shit go Hmm All right, let's take a look if you have a question write the word question and then post it out and let's take a look By the way, for those who are watching the replay the questions are the best parts So stick around because this gets really juicy and then I have some trivia cards to go with us So let's see if anyone's posted the question At least by the way, I want to say hi brandy. Hi tina. Hi of the I can't even pronounce your name. All right Um Hi ruby All right, so it looks like we have a bashful group here. Don't you want to ask a question? Write the word question post a question. Um without question. This is going to be a short live stream And I want this to go on for a while While we're waiting for some questions. I'm going to throw in a cute Movie trivia question. Let's see if you get this right so In the movie say anything in the movie say anything What song does loy play from his boom box? What song does loy play from his boom box? Let's see who gets that right in the movie say anything. What song does loy play from his boom box? Okay um all right Let's see I can't tell doesn't look like we have a group much of a we have a bashful group today. Do you have a question? Oh, okay, so heather writes Can a man learn to be vulnerable can a man learn to be vulnerable? Um, the answer is absolutely. Yes. A man can learn that and let me just say how I know this I wasn't a very I was look at when I graduated college. I had a I had a programming Graduate college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family That was my programming and I was very hyper focused on my career In fact who you see today is nothing like the person I was before in fact I was a total train wreck after my divorce. I was um, I was doing drugs I was you know, I was self medicating for the pain emotional pain. I went I was drinking I was serial dating. I was a mess. I I couldn't be vulnerable if my life depended upon it I had a very hard time being vulnerable with myself and being vulnerable with another human being And what I realized it took a it took It takes what I call a humbling event a humbling event for a man to shift out of egoic behavior And start shifting into heart centered behavior. Let me repeat that It takes a humbling event in my case the divorce and a lot of other things But I literally used to call curl up in a ball and went to bed wishing I went in the middle of the day curl up wishing I didn't wake up I was in that much pain and I had two children And those of you know, I lost a child. So I mean the fact that I didn't want to be around I mean could you like now losing Connor how much? All right now I'm going to get emotional because I was just thinking I can't even imagine what those my boys would have felt If I didn't choose to survive. So my point is now I'm really getting choked up Is It's absolutely possible But a man most likely needs a humbling event and listen I was taken down to my knees after my divorce. I got wiped out in the market crash I was a train wreck and as I started to rebuild my life My knees were cut out again when Connor passed away and I can tell you that the only way I survived it The only way I survived it was doing all the personal development work spiritual work. This is why I'm constantly recommending books In fact, one of my all-time favorite books that I highly recommend Is reading the untethered soul by michael singer the untethered soul by michael singer This is what this is the this was what helped me prepare to write my book What the heck is self love anyway, and this is all about carter I mean, it's all about the experience not all about but he broke my heart open. So going back to vulnerability um I just want to say to you that it took it took losing my son to really break my heart open That's a picture of him in the book by the way um So I just to go back to answer your question. Yes, men can learn to be vulnerable It typically takes a humbling event. Does this resonate? I It it happened. This is true for human beings alike All right. Now we got a lot of questions coming in. So let me uh, give me a second to catch up to this um Bear with me everyone because a lot of content is going on between a couple people which makes it hard for me to find Okay. All right. Here we go um Question kim writes how soon is too soon to start dating a man that is still married But in the process of divorce how soon is too soon to start dating a man who's still married and in the process of divorce so You know, there's an expression Uh You know, well actually I forgot to express I was literally about to share an expression. I forgot it So let me just tell you when you date a man who's still divorced or going through a divorce You're not just dating him. You're dating every problem that comes in his life Which includes his ex spouse So when someone is still going through a divorce, you're dating his ex spouse Okay, and you're stuck with whatever's going on in that dynamic So my invitation for you is I mean if you're going to date him Then schedule a date with his ex or with his Current wife because he's still married. Okay until the until the ink is signed He's still married and I would recommend scheduling a telephone date with her Because you're going to be dating her whether you like it or not Okay, so this is why most women have learned the hard way not to date someone who isn't Completely divorced because the tapest here I want you to imagine this was what marriage looks like and now you're unraveling the tapestry of this old life And until it's completely healed and then until he's actually spent some time on his own What often happens is you become what's known as the transitional girlfriend. In fact I'll never forget this after my divorce or when we filed for divorce. I was still I was I wasn't divorced. We had just filed for divorce I met a woman online and I really liked her profile and she asked me how long are you divorced? I said we're in the process of divorce and this is what she wrote me. She said jonathan Reach out to me when it's been 18 to 24 months after your divorce and you've had One to two transition girlfriends. Let me repeat that reach out to me 18 to 24 months after your divorce And you've had one or two transition girlfriends. I'm like, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready Sure enough, I run into her. I see her online three years later and I now finally divorced and I saw her profile And I told her what she wrote me and I said you're absolutely right I had two three transition girlfriends until I could actually be in the space I am today to even be ready for a relationship. So You're rolling the dice You know with someone who's still married and I highly recommend if you're going to go down that road Call his ex wife get in a conversation with her because you'll be dating her whether you like it or not Does anyone agree with this hit that like button or write a comment. All right kim. I hope I answer your question Mike writes, please help how okay, Mike Question, please help. How do you learn to get to let go of someone who is not in love with you? How do you learn to let go of some? Well, you let that shit go Mike, um, how do you learn to let go of someone? Here's the thing You have a choice you can be here. Let me do this Let me let me show you a little diagram here parent adult child Now the adult in you knows to end a relationship. They're not right for you for whatever reason They're not right for you. Okay, you get so you recognize that and you recognize you have to let go But you're not in your adult You're in your child and when you're in your child the person you're in relationship goes into parent mode So if you're going to stay in childhood, you don't need to learn anything. You just need to make a decision Okay, if you feel like the relationship is not healthy for you and it is misaligned for you You have a choice. You can either be a child or you can step in your adulthood This is why I highly recommend reading the book. I'm about to share with you How to be an adult in a relationship Children stick around in a child mind stick around in unhealthy things adults people that are victors consciousness not victim consciousness lean into adulthood So you don't need to learn anything. You just have to take action And by the way, I'm yelling just like a child is about to touch fire You're you're touching fire and I'm yelling at you so you can stop it. And now I'm spitting Okay, so you have a choice be a child or be an adult Or be a parent But if you're not if this relationship isn't right for you then end it or go seek therapy or something But you said you need to learn how this isn't anything you learn. This is something you do I hope that resonates with you if it does please hit that like button Moni writes uh vulnerability is so hard for me. By the way, vulnerability is as equally as hard for women as it is for men Tina lee. Thank you. How should I um, okay? Thank you either way Ivanka writes, how should I tell a man? I haven't dated in the past five years How should I tell a man? I haven't dated in the past five years because of a disability So if I understand the question correctly There's a there's a man who has a disability and you don't want to date him Is it because of the disability or something else? But how should you tell him you simply say, you know what tim? I really I really appreciate who you are I just don't feel like we're aligned and I don't have that those feelings for you Ladies, why do you have to make this complicated? It's really simple You know, we have to stop worrying about other people's feelings now By the way chapter one in my book Speak your truth do it with kindness speak your truth do it with kindness. You can simply be kind And still speak your truth But this fear around speaking your truth Stop it Start leaning into it because if you keep saying if you keep stuffing your feelings And I'm not I'm using this as an example for a variety of other things, but if you stuff your feelings You know, what's the point of living? You know get busy living or get busy dying start expressing your feelings. Just do it in a kind way That's all you have to do is be kind And yes, you you know it someone might get you might say well Jonathan They might get hurt you can't hurt someone only they can hurt themselves That's memory. I talked about the ego. You know, that's why return to love is a great book to understand that the ego makes up stories You don't have to follow that patterning anymore. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please hit that like button. Thank you All right Hugs from texas. Thank you. Tina lee Okay, linda writes happening after a 33 marriage. Do I confront? What do I say? Linda your question doesn't make sense Happening after a 33 year marriage. What when do I confront? What do I say? I don't understand what's happening All right, next question tanja Um bear with me. Just moved If a man says he's Confirmed bachelor, what does that really really mean? Is he or can he be in a relationship? All right, when a man says he's a confirmed bachelor, let's just think about george cloney, right the quintessential confirmed bachelor Now he eventually made a choice to decide to partner with someone But here's the thing. He was very upfront with women. I'm a confirmed bachelor. Okay So he basically says that basically i'm willing to sleep with you and spend time with you But there is no effing way. I'm going to commit to you and usually it takes someone Uniquely it takes a woman and I think his wife is a perfect example of this She probably didn't she acted like she didn't care about him now I don't mean that she didn't but she had so much self-confidence self-esteem self-worth Self-love she was sovereign in herself that that intoxicated him is what I suspect So you roll the dice when a guy says he's a confirmed bachelor now take me for example My dating profile here. Listen. I'm going to go on match.com. Okay. This is match.com Okay match see And I'm going to read you I'm going to read you my profile. Okay right here These are in my words. Do you see that in my words? Okay First words Let me start with the following I would like to get remarried or at least live together and I'm seeking a woman who feels the same For me. This isn't about growing old with someone. I want to grow in life and love with some special woman I'm clear Okay You have a choice you can choose the men who are unclear and roll the dice Or at least if you want to prove improve your odds then start choosing men who at least lean into I want something serious versus i'm a confirmed bachelor. That's my invitation for you By the way, did anyone get the trivia question right? Um Okay um Heather oh my sweetness. I'm so sorry. Heather says she lost her son. Oh my heart breaks By Karen writes what are the top reasons so many relationships break up after two years or so I understand four things you described and i'm wondering the main things that lead to those characteristics. Okay so Here's my perception of why most relationships fail Um, okay, so you have to I want you to think of four legs. Let's see These are four fingers right four legs to a chair. All right. I'm sitting on a stool right now The first leg of a chair is Chemistry chemistry that attraction we have for one another important leg of the chair The second most important leg of the chair is and this is in no order is shared values Shared values. Do you share values with the same person with this person or at least close to it number three? Blendable lifestyles blendable lifestyles. This is where a lot of relationships get stuck Especially at midlife because it's not like the brady bunch where carol had her kids and mike had his kids and they just blended together That's not the way it works in today and four leg in the in the in the stool Is emotional maturity so the reason why most relationships end because there's either a lack of there's there's not much shared values There's lifestyles aren't blendable or the people aren't emotionally mature. That's why there's contempt criticism stonewalling defensiveness Okay, that's the byproduct of what happens when people aren't aligned when they're not driving in this They're not seeing the future through the same window and sadly and this is really the critical piece commitment is so fucking weak these days the level of commitment is basically is Is basically An agreement to monogamy and exclusivity with very little thereafter Esther perell who wrote the book mating in captivity Mating captivity says that today's relationships are known as what's called stable ambiguity stable ambiguity And what that means is the stableness is the agreement to exclusivity and monogamy And the ambiguous piece is where the fuck is this relationship going? There's no commitment other than just being present This is why it's ladies. I always say you are in charge of your relationship destiny And you are actually the emotional leaders of the relationship If you want to build a deep foundation deep roots of trust in a relationship or a guy feels like this is the most juicy relationship a couple things Read the books. I recommend and then schedule a discovery call with me So you don't fall into the trap by the way There's a link to to schedule a discovery call with me Because i'm here to teach you the roots to deeper commitment the roots to deeper commitment because when someone is deeply committed They're not going to end the relationship in two years. But again, you need chemistry shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and by the way the vast majority of the population has weak Emotional skills. This is men and women alike women. You're just as bad as this is men Stop thinking you're better at this just because women tend to be more Emotional doesn't mean your skills are any better than men men stuff their feelings There's no doubt, but you equally have a hard time expressing your feelings. In fact one woman just wrote I have a hard time with vulnerability. So that illustrates it. All right. Thank you Karen for your question Um Angie writes I dated a widower for three months. He lost his wife. He was very kind and sweet and okay. Thank you All right, boo boo writes don't forget write the word question then question boo boo boo boo boo baker writes What are the signs that my ex is remorseful after the breakup? I'm noticing he's posting pictures wearing my favorite color He's posting pictures of the city where we broke where the breakup took place You know my first reaction reading that boo is you're projecting you're projecting what he's doing you because unless you know for a but but Look at he cared about you most likely cared about you But here's the thing caring about someone isn't doesn't just because you care for someone doesn't mean your relationship is going to work out So depending on what the reason was for the breakup we all look at I have regret even after my divorce. I have regret after my breakup with my Relationship after my divorce I have regret for a lot of women that I dated and we don't see each other And I have a little bit of regret a little bit of remorse a little bit of you know missing them There's this is just part of human behavior But who cares if he's remorseful? Why are you caring about that? What really matters most is are you developing a life together or not because guess what? When he meets someone else or you meet someone else, he's going to become or you're going to become Somebody I used to know does anyone remember that song by godi? Somebody I used to know I should play that song right now, but i'll get copyright busted Somebody I used to know does anyone know that song so stop focusing on the relationship that's not Here focus on getting the relationship you want does this sink in thumbs up, please All right, boom. Sorry. I yelled. I'm just being loving believe it or not Okay, tracy writes. How do I support my boyfriend who's going through a hard time? How much space should I give him? first off You can't give anyone space Okay, person can take space, but you can't give them space. Okay So if someone's going through a hard time I have a couple things how deeply rooted is the trust in your relationship. Do you guys have a significant commitment? Do you have a game plan of taking the relationship from being a relationship to partnership to something deeper? um Because when someone's going through a hard time And by the way, this is the challenge with most relationships. Most everybody is going through a hard time But you know what? I'm going to share something very intimate here and very personal and I do believe that when someone is of character Okay, emotional. Let me backtrack and I'll share what I'm going to share with you in a second emotional maturity means actions matching words consistently Taking personal responsibility for one's choices is victor consciousness or not victim consciousness Okay, learning how to do what I call fight fair that means when you're in a disagreement It's not about being right. It's about being happy. Happy. That's listening to the other person's point of view Accepting the other person's point of view is being true for them and you doing the same for them Number four is empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy as I care about your feelings and lastly Transparency if it's material to the relationship then someone is transparent with you. Okay, that's how a grown-up operates Now some people say that they don't you know, like they look at Facing challenges the difference between a child remember I here's the picture the child and the you know the adult Is how you place face challenges? So I'm going to share something very personal On the day that Connor passed away I had a date that night. I had a date that night I had a planned date from someone from a dating site I get the we had planned we talked a couple days prior we planned the date I'd even sent her a text message that morning saying I look forward to seeing you. Okay At one o'clock in the afternoon. I get a phone call for my x y There's paramedics at the house And then as I was driving and I'm rushed over there as I'm driving over there. I get the phone call He passed away I spent the next seven hours at my ex-wife's house because there was Shit going on at the time of between police and paramedics and all that kind of stuff coroner and everything I had The respect to tell someone I couldn't make the date. I sent her a text message. I said we've had a family tragedy Unexpectedly and I can't make the date. I didn't tell her it was my son. I just had a family tragedy My point in sharing this when someone says they don't have enough time to do anything I could have blown her off And I could have just totally blown her off Called her two days later or she might have called me and said my son passed away And she would have said absolute grace and forgiveness But true character is stepping into the difficult things And this is what I'm so fucking tired of human beings not stepping into things that are important in a relationship So going back to someone having a hard time if someone's having a hard time They may not be ready for a committed relationship. I think it's important to have real deep conversations ladies Before the penis gets to go inside the vagina start talking to each other Read this book eight dates. By the way reading this book with someone brand new Builds deep trust with another human being when you can read this book together Right, you know, right at the time you're starting to have sex together when you're fucking each other This is the kind of shit you should be talking about But no jonathan we have to talk about this book the rules Because the rules say men have to be chivalrous and they have to claim you and you just sit in our feminine energy And just lean back in our feminine energy and stop being in our masculine energy and trying to control things and blah blah blah And everything will just magically work out Does that really fucking happen? Does it just magically work out because you're just sitting in your feminine? No It takes having grown-up conversations. It takes having adult conversations to really get to know another human being I'm yelling because i'm tired of watching women over and over give their power away to men, you know I mentioned this in the last livestream. I have a client who i'm calling I'm actually going to be getting on the phone with her boyfriend I'm going to get on the phone with her boyfriend to say What's your fucking intentions? Are you serious about this person? Are you just fucking around because I'll come over and kick the shit out of you if you're just fucking around Like I want to I wish I was there with you guys. I could have that shotgun You know and say look, what's your intentions? Stop choosing people ladies that have no real intentions just like I read to you My profile says I want to get remarried crystal clear Choose men who are intentional instead of you know what I'm a I'm just a confirmed bachelor I'm just looking for something casual. Oh my god. You're just you want You're interrogating me on this date. You're interrogating me You should fucking absolutely interrogate people because guess what your time is valuable to you now Let me pause You can interrogate in a kind loving way. It's called Conversation you just have to learn the right ask the right questions and most of you ladies Don't know how to do that if you want help check out a link to my that's what I do as a coach I mean, I'm offering all this great content for free But ultimately if you want to go to that next step and to be in a juicy delicious relationship You might need some help. That's what I can help you with All right, I went off on there Uh, thank you Tracy. All right Jean writes I cannot be the oh, sorry. It's skipped Bear with me gene. Sorry Okay, I cannot be the only person that finds meeting men difficult No less emotionally mature men besides online. How do people meet these days? Things are different in the 2000s All right. So jean great question. So I want you to know that Men and women are equally emotionally immature. I'm going to tell you something. I'm out in the dating realm I find nothing but emotionally immature women most of the time there There's either the the entitled woman who's the you know It's all about her or there's the doormat type of woman Who's just literally afraid and she sets her standards so low that she accepts anything The entitled woman sets such ridiculous standards and it's all about her and usually someone somewhere in between same true for men Now where are people meeting? 50 percent or more of all new relationships Are happening through this device Through our our smartphones and through our laptops. That's where 50 percent of all people are meeting And and especially because of the pandemic that happened to be the number one place and a lot of people fell in love The real challenge is not meeting them. Although it is I get it It's vetting them. It's being it's learning how to ask the right questions It's about going deeper than the surface bullshit. So I want you to read this book If the buddha dated if the buddha dated, okay This teaches you how to date from a spiritual perspective from a heart-centered perspective And I promise you if you lean into this book, you're going to feel a renewed sense of Confidence in the dating realm because it's not about meeting him It's about meeting you and when you meet you really meet you guys will start flocking to you Now the trick is learning how to vet. That's what I teach. So I hope I help gene. Thank you Katharina says Jonathan, I totally agree. Thank you. I'm enough said there are no cookie way There are no cookie ways that a man or woman will act I don't get that one linda writes in a 33 year marriage and husband has begun stonewalling. What do I say or do 33 year marriage most likely I suspect in the 33 years. There is so much stuff under the rug And that's going to be a challenge. I'm a big proponent of couples doing couples therapy I'm a big proponent to start talking to one another Really talking to one another Most couples this is what john gotman and julie gotman said Is after a while most couples all they talk about is What time do we have to they have children? What time do we have to pick up kids? What time do we have to go to easter? What time do we have to pay the bills? What time do we have to do this? It's all the facts of the relationship. It lacks intimacy now first Take him in the bedroom and fuck his brains out and then during sex say to him look I'd like us to have more greater intimacy and I would like us to see a therapist. That's one way of doing it Do it while he's happy and he might be agreeable Um, and my guess is you guys haven't had a lot of sex in your relationship So that's going to make it even doubly hard. But here's the thing You have a choice. You can say don't look Let's be real with each other our relationship kind of I'm assuming here by the way Okay, I'm just making the assumption here and our marriage kind of sucks We can stay in it or we can choose to improve it. Which one do you want? Just talk talk to one another. That's what's needed That's my impression. Anyway, linda. I hope that helps Okay, susan writes men never end relationships They just behave badly and reasonable until we women get so fed up and we finish with them Okay, mend. It's true. Men tend to nest in relationship. We nest we typically once we're in we don't go anywhere So that's true. But I'm here to say ladies. Do you want to have a juicy delicious relationship? Or do you want to have a mediocre relationship? If you want juicy delicious check out this book called spiritual partnership by gary zucca spiritual partnership This teaches you about what a really juicy delicious relationship looks like Start following game kathryn hendrix and start following john and julie gotman and start following harvell hendrix and Harvelle hendrix and where's the other book? Um, I guess I didn't bring it. Oh And helen hunt getting the love you want this is the kind of stuff you should be talking You should be talking about the five love languages. You should be talking about attachment style But no jonathan men are supposed to be chivalrous and claim us and they're just going to do all the work because they're so good at it Like really is that really fucking true? Why is the number one search term wire men commitment phobic ladies? You are in charge of your relationship destiny Stop believing that feminine energy is just going to magically make the guy grow up It's going to take a lot more from you It's going to take being intentional and start having deeper conversations with one another and here's the thing You'll probably break up, but you're going to be much prepared for the next guy If you learn how to communicate the deeper shit instead of the surface stuff Jon gotman says most marriages and because it's all surface level stable ambiguity that ester parel says Erotic desire is lacking in so many relationships. I'm talking about erotic desire isn't just fucking each other's brains out It's it's stimulating the mind in each other I yell because i'm trying to help shift perspective And stop being such children in relationships start becoming a grown-up in relationship And what means by being a grown-up that means being intentional instead of the fantasy based way of dating I did a post about you know, like who should pay for a date and every woman was lambasting lambasting men Instead of actually coming from a place of generosity. It was all based on expectation and you wonder why Men complain about women. This is a two-lane street. You're women. You're just as bad at this This is why when women go through my boot camp. I get phone calls weeks later. Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan, I met a great guy Jonathan. I'm getting engaged Jonathan i'm getting engaged Jonathan my my marriage is in a few weeks. Where do I send the invitation? That's the kind of calls I get because it's about reprogramming everybody Instead of the stupid narrative that chemistry and men being chivalrous is all you need for it to work Okay, I'm just yelling my head off All right, let's scroll up Um, if you have a question write the word question and then post it Okay, jennifer writes It appears many date more than one person at a time. Is this something you recommend? I can't do it, but I feel I waste time and energy dating for two months for it to go To go pear shaped. Okay Um, let me just be clear about something I just want you to think about that So you could follow the the advice of what's called duty dating or circular dating That means this is taught to women to date multiple men at the same time and wait for the cream to rise the top I just want you to think about this. Let's just assume that men are doing the same thing. They're dating multiple women Okay, and by the way, are you having sex with these people for two or three months? Are you having sexual intercourse? Is the penis getting going inside the vagina for all these men? Because that to me is is you know, I'm not into cooties Okay, but if you're dating multiple people and he's dating multiple people How the fuck are you ever going to get to know each other ladies? This advice is terrible advice and quite frankly, I'm going to tell you something when I meet a woman I tell them very quickly if we like each other I'd like to date and explore a relationship and I only date one person at a time. How do you operate? That's how I start off. I only date one person at a time now Let me differentiate between meeting a woman and dating a woman The first date is not if you're meeting a stranger. The first date is not a date. It's a meeting. Okay, that's it It's not a date. It's a meeting. You have to do the sniff test Like dogs, they sniff each other. You have to sniff each other That's where the pheromones and testosterone and estrogen and dopamine all get going right you sniff each other The first date is the second time you see each other is the first date But if you get to three dates with someone My philosophy is you date one person at a time if you've gone if you've seen each other once That's the meeting you've gone on a date You've gone on one more date and you're gonna in the third date is planned You don't need to be dating other people But jonathan I might get attached to the wrong guy If you get attached to the wrong guy that shits on you Because would you want him dating multiple people? This is why dating is such a cluster fuck because everybody's dating 15 people at the same time And what's happening is called a paradox in choice Paradox in choice and what that means is It's once we have all these options. We can't make a decision So let's stop dating multiple people and date one person at a time see where it goes if it doesn't work out And by the way, if you learn to vet them like I teach You you won't waste your two or three months with someone you can cut to the quick and get on to the next one Look at that. Would you like to date a hundred men? And hope that one of them works out or would you like to narrow it down to three out of those hundred? And maybe choose your soulmate from that. That's what I teach in my private coaching So my opinion I date only one person at a time That's my invitation, but you're welcome to do follow the advice of others Multiple dating I think leads to a lot of pain and heartache later on down the road Not multiple meeting multiple dating Thank you. I appreciate your yelling. Okay, boo. I appreciate that Okay Sandy writes I bought two copies of eight dates the next guy that I get serious with has to read it before sex way to go By the way, don't forget my book. What the heck a self-love anyway All right. Happy Easter. Gita. Thank you. All right. Oh, let's see. We got some questions here um All right Lisa writes my boyfriend and I are long distance. He is moving down to florida here to be with me He has a bad case of covet told me it's not my problem And to let him be that was three days ago. Why shut me out? Well, someone who has covet My god, that has to be very scary. I mean You know, I um, I remember I spent um This was six months ago. I was with my my family and my knees turned out to have covet and I thought, oh my god What if I get it? What if I get sick? What if I die? I mean, I did get scared. So someone who's experiencing covet depends on if they're sick or they just have them, you know, have them Whatever the the virus, uh, but not sick. So if someone's actually sick, they're probably scared They're probably not in a capacity to lean into the relationship at the moment But I think there's something else going on that you're not telling me. Let me read this again Well, first off, you have long distance and he moved. So he had a plan to move um And so he's asking well, what he's saying is look I have a bad case of covet Um, it's not your problem. In other words, he wants to deal with it He's not asking you to nurture him and he's asking for space That was I'm not sure three days is that out of line for someone who wants space I'm going to guess something else is going on, but you don't know what it is yet um So I would just check in with him as a loving partner depending on how long you two have been together Just say hey, sweetheart. I'm here for you when you need me. Okay, and um, but if that goes on too long There's probably something else going on and you're going to find out about it most likely sooner rather than later Um, and it'll be a bummer because I it sounds like it could be something that it could be Maybe he just doesn't want to move. I mean for someone to move That's a big commitment and maybe he's having second thoughts and he's using the covet as a smoke screen That's just my speculation Uh, Paula writes expectation begets resentment exactly Jonathan you don't yell Jonathan. You are great us women sometimes we need to be told well, that's how I feel Thanks, finna fin Uh leaf writes exactly Jonathan where chemistry ends confidence and honest communication Continues, especially as we get older exactly Angie writes Do you think a man who lost his wife three months ago is ready to fall in love with another woman? Woman, she was a she was in deep depression for one year before she passed away so I do but it depends on how in love with her if he was deeply in love with her He may never heal from that. My question is how is he healed from it? That's a very traumatic and emotional event. I don't think three months is enough time to heal doesn't mean he's by the way Co dependent men attach themselves to the first woman that happens frequently whittlers Immediately attach themselves to the first woman that happens frequently But it doesn't mean that the and by the way they get married very quickly But did you know that 65 to 70 percent of second marriages fail? That's because they haven't healed So I would caution you to date someone who hasn't healed and again I think it takes a minimum of two years on your own to truly heal But most humans are so co dependent that they'll attach themselves to the next person You may want to read this book Co dependent no more to understand what's going what could possibly going on whether it's you or him I highly recommend that book okay Wow, I I've by the way, um my book. Where's my book? What the heck is self love anyway? I'd gotten uh from one of the followers here She uh has a book club and this month has been my book. So I get to join them for their last Call this month on my book. I am so honored for those who purchased my book from the bottom of my heart Thank you so much for the so's that have referred my book. I'm so grateful I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me not because I make a boatload of dough. I make a few bucks every book. It's not the money It's the difference that's happening It's the invitation to do personal development self-help and spiritual work And I'm a big proponent of everyone to lean into their sovereignty to lean into their self. Oh my god. I smell Lean into their self-esteem self-confidence self-worth and self-love I hope this is resonating with you. Please hit that like button Listen, uh, I've got to get ready for the book club. So I think this is a good time to end By the way, the song in the trivia question. I didn't see it The song was in this movie say anything. What song does Lloyd play from his boombox? In your eyes by peter gabriel in your eyes by peter gabriel Uh, I love that song. Love love love that song. Do you have a favorite song? Please post it below. I'd like to hear it All right. I'm just going to repeat the four warning signs He's going to end the relationship what a man says first off I want to repeat the four horsemen of the apocalypse is contempt Stonewalling and defensiveness and men say things like this. I'm too busy at stonewalling He starts complaining in the relationship and starts turning it around. That's defensiveness or criticism Contempt is he starts pulling back on his emotions and starts let me just read what he says He starts talking facts instead of Intimacy and lastly he stops initiating sex or avoid sex all together by saying I'm not in the mood. He stops kissing. He stops being affectionate. Those are four warning signs to be cognizant of Oh deaf leper thanks, leave to be cognizant of Because it might be a sign that your relationship is on the brink Um, I hope you found value in this video if you have please share this with friends Tell all your friends give this to guys tell have guys watch this and tell me what they think I'd like to hear their thoughts. I know men starting to watch me Ah for those who know me. I'm going to wrap up my videos. I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now