 Hey Tony Gaskins here Still practicing on this live. I get on here and I don't ever really expect anybody to come on here, but I know I can shoot the video right from the app Archive the video, but I wanted to do a quick video today Watching a boxing match tonight with my wife So I won't be here long as you picking up some food so I want to pop on here and I want you to ask yourself this question about bitterness and really identify and ask yourself Are you bitter now for me when I come on YouTube? I deal with my videos my viewers are 95 percent women So of course I get to see interactions with women more than men And then sometimes in that five percent of men. I still get to see you know some men who are bitter and One thing I want you to understand is that if you are bitter You are blocking your blessings Everything that is good that is trying to come into your life is being blocked Because what you have to understand when you are bitter That's a mindset and so when you are when your mind is blocked With bitterness what happens is that means that the things that's trying to reach you So imagine if if I'm angry if I'm bitter if I'm bitter when I look at people I'm gonna look with a Solemn face or a frown or just this look like So if this person That is walking towards me Was getting ready to bless somebody This person hit the lotto won the mega millions and they're looking for somebody to bless if they're walking past me and I'm like They're gonna just keep walking But if they're walking past me and I'm like hey, how are you? You know how you doing and I speak to him and I smile I nod what have you now? They may look at me and say Hey, I'm doing great. What about yourself? And so when you are bitter guess what when you talk to somebody You are condescending or you're short or you're negative or rule You may get angry fast when you are bitter and you come on YouTube a person can go you can go watch my videos and Read the comments and tell who's bitter and Who has an abundant blessed mindset? Person may have bank account could be in the negative But still have an abundant blessed mindset a person could have a million dollars in the bank and be bitter And so you can read comments when you shake people's hand when you're sitting around people when you're in the elevator with people you can tell who is has a blessed mentality and who has a bitter mentality and So what I want you to understand because I deal with this a lot dealing with people and especially me You know dealing with men and women who come and see that I'm trying to help by leveling the playing field and sharing Insight from the life of a professional relationship coach who's dealing in Relationships every day with people on six different continents across all ages and grabbing the data and bringing and sharing Explanations and I will see people. I mean they They're angry with me want to fuss and fight and argue with me like I made up the data Like I made up, you know, and what I'm trying to explain Like me explaining it is me excusing it and I noticed that and I realized you know what? so many of us have been hurt by mother or father brother sister Ex-boyfriend ex-girlfriend ex-husband ex-wife and we take that bitterness and we last shout at other people When those people have done nothing to us like we get angry and I Recognize this because I used to be that person. I used to be bitter and I would want to argue and debate with a Light somebody who's sharing information online or teaching something or got a certain perspective I would want to argue with people online and I remember being in that space and Here's this person living their life And I would want to argue with them because of my bitterness and what I didn't realize is that my bitterness Would be blocking my blessings because other people would be watching and They can see when you're bitter So what you have to realize especially for the single folks and you know Even if you're in a relationship, but you're still trying to climb the ladder in your life Make sure that you evaluate your heart Make sure you evaluate your heart and before you say anything Before you do anything before you even comment in a chat room Make sure you evaluate your heart and ask yourself. Where am I operating from? And really think about that the words that are on your tongue That you're getting ready to say or to type ask yourself. Where am I operating from and This is it's bigger than bitterness actually when you ask yourself this question because you may be operating from insecurity And I was that person too. So I know it. That's what that feels like and it blocks blessing it's it's a low level of thinking you're vibrating on a low frequency and You are not being emotionally intelligent and you're blocking your blessings You're blocking your blessings when you speak from anywhere other Than love from any other place outside of love When you speak from in security When you speak from bitterness when you speak from brokenness when you speak from anger when you speak from jealousy Any other place that you speak from that is outside of a place of love which a place of love would be joy peace happiness abundance Any other place is blocking Everything good that's trying to come to your life And so you got to evaluate that and you got to ask yourself the person I'm talking to or The person I'm getting ready to say something to or comment on a YouTube page or in the dating app or chat room or Facebook What have they done to me? personally What have they done to me? This person in the workplace What have they done to me? Do they have a right to live do they have a right to think do they have a right to express themselves? The answers to those questions is yes So then you ask yourself. Well, why would I argue with them? Be rude to them be condescending Be negative, why would I do that and the answer is because of where you are So one thing I've realized is that the way people respond to me Is not a reflection of me. It's not determined by me Even if I was arrogant rude Condescending the way a person responds to me Shows me where that person is in his or her life And that it actually has nothing to do with me Because when you're operating from the right place, even if a person is ignorant immature negative rude Condescending you take the high road and even when you stand up for yourself and you speak up for yourself you're able to do that from an emotionally intelligent and confident place You don't have to stoop to their level and become Ignorant and immature like them you can speak and my wife. She said it's the other day she was talking to me she said yeah, I was talking to somebody and and I was Telling them she was talking. She was at school or something and it was something dealing with our kids And she said I told them my husband is quiet But you don't want to have him to have to check you to have to say something to you Because it will hurt you so bad And he won't even get out of character won't even raise his voice And that's how I start to operate to where I say what I need to say not rude Condescending nasty, but it's direct. It's real It's honest, but it's coming from a place of confidence and emotional intelligence and I don't have to Become irate and immature and ignorant to get a point across and so that's where we have to Understand and you got to ask yourself because see when you're operating from bitterness you feel the need to argue You feel the need to debate You feel the need to go back and forth. You feel the need to take shots at people I was saying something the other day about my 12 year old son And I saw somebody in my comment said oh a 12 year old boy not Not interested in girls. Hmm a lady said that and then in a guy he commented Yeah, that's what I was saying and I blocked the lady quick because you have to be a very low person Operating on a low level Mentally in your life Emotionally to speak on a child To speak on a child what she was trying to say is that my 12 year old son likes boys and I responded to her and I said my son has straight A's with no A minuses And he's in the seventh grade. He is straight A's no a minuses and He's he plays elite soccer and he is taught to focus on school and his goals Because girls are not going anywhere So yes, he can see a young girl his age and know that she's cute or think she's cute But he's not chasing the girls like some of the other boys are because he has his goals His priorities in order So when the lady said that it let me know that You're going to run into people in your life That regardless of where you are and where you're operating from They're operating from a place of bitterness from a place of brokenness from a place of anger from a place of ignorance from a place of Immaturity and you have to evaluate your spirit and make sure that you're coming from the right place because if you are not This world will make you lose yourself and guess what everything that's for you will be blocked It could be somebody getting ready to just walk up to you and just hand you a blessing It could be somebody, you know, I got a blessing on the way in talks with a blessing and Had I had interactions with those people and spoke from a place of insecurity It would have sounded like arrogance So instead of being who I am and speaking and speaking from a place of humility Which is true confidence. I could have spoke from a place of insecurity and came off arrogant and blocked the blessing And so I've seen blessings in my life Come in many different forms some monetary some not monetary allows you to manage it But I've had seven figure blessings meaning blessings into the millions over a million dollars coming to my life because of Operating from the place. God told me to operate from instead of operating from insecurity or anger or bitterness or jealousy or Whatever it may be So today sit down and do the work and really ask yourself and really talk to yourself And really see where your heart is and take some time and read some comments So that you can identify bitterness and go through and read some comments So you could see what bitter people sound like just in case you are bitter And you haven't addressed it or you can't see it when you see it in other people. You'll say mmm That's a bad look. That's a bad look. So so let me dig deeper. Let me dig deeper Let me check myself to make sure I'm coming from the right place because I don't want to sound Like that, I don't want to look like that and so do the work and then Before you speak before you write anything before you say anything Before you send anything tweet anything post anything before you do any of that Ask yourself. Where is this coming from? Is it coming from love? self-respect Confidence humility or is this coming from in security? arrogance ignorance in maturity bitterness brokenness anger loneliness frustration where are These words or these actions coming from Address it address the root Address the root and then that will change the fruit in your life when you address the root And you really get down to it The results that you're seeing in your life You will realize that the results are directly related to the root behavior and That will change Everything for you when you start to move differently operate differently from the right place from a place of abundance love self-love self-respect self-control Confidence true confidence, which is rooted in humility Not arrogance, which is rooted in insecurity true confidence, which is rooted in humility You will see everything start to shift and start to change in your life And you will see people wanting to bless you you will start to get raises and promotions You will start to get free stuff. You was blessings will just start to come from places You'll start to have connections coming doors being open all because your energy is right Because you vibrate on the right level and you're operating from the right place Everything in your life will change and trust me when I tell you Because I'm living I've been bitter angry frustrated broken Jealous insecure. I've been that and I saw that I kept blocking Blessings and opportunities, but when I step back and then I stepped outside of Myself and I looked at myself and I evaluated myself and I evaluated my heart and I analyzed the root That's when I was able to change the fruit But unless you do that work that inner work The interview not the interview the interview where you go with them Unless you do that nothing in your life will change you won't attract Good people and good things if on the inside you're operating from a bad place Hey, this Tony gaskins. Let me see If you have any questions, I think the chat is on I can't look at the chat. I think I got a few more minutes to my wife gets here But if you have any questions from any of my videos that you've seen you can put it in the chat I think I may see it But I think when people when you write it kind of goes kind of fast This all works. How do you get past a man abandoning his son? You know what you can't really lose sleep over that Because that man will have to answer to his son And so what you have to do is become 100% a focused parent so that you are everything that you can be to your child So that your child doesn't even feel like he is missing anything. It's almost like father What is that? Whereas if he sees that you're angry and that his father's actions is affecting you and breaking you and Frustrating you now he senses a void in his own life because he doesn't even have 100% of you But if he has 100% of you he would rather have 100% of you than 50% of you and 50% of his father If he can't have 100 of you and 100 of his father that boy would rather have 100 of you And so you have to focus on you and what you're doing and a lot of times we go into it and we say well This child is half mine. No if you lie down to have a child that child is all yours And so you got to pretend that other parent if they're not doing right You got to pretend just like they died and just like if they died you wouldn't say well I'm only gonna give my child half of me because the other parent is the other half so I can't give everything You wouldn't do that You would try to give your child everything and so that's what you got to do What is the difference between a blessing and God's favor? Sorry if this is an immature question, but I would like to know a blessing is God's favor But what you have to realize is that God does not favor people God blesses everyone according to their faith and Them being available for the blessing. So if you're bitter and you're you know Being ignorant or immature you repel your blessings because God can't bless mess Meaning that you got to be willing to come out of the messiness to get the blessings And so God favor is God's blessing. It's one in the same But the thing is is is God will favor anybody who's open and ready How do we get rid of bitterness you got to evaluate it You got to evaluate where it comes from and then you got to forgive the person You got to forgive the person that you're angry with or the reason that you're angry with and you got to speak the forgiveness You got to release it. You may have to write a letter You may have to do life coaching you may have to do therapy, but you have to do the work So you're gonna have to analyze it and then you got to address it So if you got some weeds in your life You may have to pluck the weeds, but if they keep growing you may have to put some weed killer on it So what I mean by this is you have to get new knowledge and you got to understand that situation Or that person or that incident or that event that happened in your life that made you bitter And when you get knowledge and you get perspective you get understanding you get clarity That turns into power Because that builds your confidence and that becomes power. That's why they say knowledge is power knowledge is powerful because it builds confidence glad you won't Get a Bible Amazon.com Yeah, the comments coming in too fast. So I Ended a business Slash pleasure situation. I couldn't handle should have checked my feelings and held on to the business opportunity Should have checked my feelings and held on to the business opportunity No, you shouldn't you shouldn't be doing somebody doing business with somebody that you in pleasure with anyways So you did the right thing Somebody put a scripture Matthew 5 and 8 blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God That is good. What does it mean when a guy doesn't call you after three days in a row? It could mean a lot Because he could be sick could be in the hospital. Somebody could have died Most often it means he's dealing with somebody else or dealing with something else That's more important to him than you or dating around. So if it's not anything tragic Then it's it's the typical, you know, I can't do this because it's too much too many of these going in here. I Was triggered a couple of days ago got into an argument with a co-worker and got fired I feel like I let her win by letting her take me out of character. Is that bidder? If you dwell on it if you dwell on it, it will be bitterness That what you did that was a lack of emotional intelligence meaning that You hadn't seen the situation in your mind to know how you would respond to it So you risk you reacted which is impulse Versus responding which is taking your time taking a breath taking a beat thinking about what you're about to say And then evaluating if you should say or do that so That could have you could have responded the reacted the way you reacted because of Where your heart is that? So if you already were frustrated stressed angry bitter You know upset something was already Giving you a disposition then that Operating from that place makes you react So that's why it's important to do this this hard work Which is hard work? I'm sorry Tony, but being bitter has made me stronger See this is another thing that we do. I'm no longer chasing this guy I started my own business and I'm solo traveling out of the country So being hurt actually worked for me Worked for me. This is another thing that happens a lot on online And I'm gonna speak on this and I'll leave this there because this is very important. This happens a lot online We get lost in the sauce Because we don't understand words and so we argue over potato or potato tomato or tomato You not chasing a guy And you being hurt does not mean you are bitter Because if you are bitter you wouldn't be able to travel to travel the world and start your own business Because that is that is good fruit and good fruit does not come from a bitter root So if the root is bitter the fruit won't be sweet So understand that you are mislabeling The state that you're in You are not bitter. You are humbled You are humbled because you were hurt So see we got to understand a lot of times the words we speak and what we're saying you could be Claiming something and speaking something on you that you're not even and so you have to understand that and this the thing Stop looking for the mistake and start looking for the message that's that's what happens online is We get so Caught up in trying to find a mistake in what the speaker or the teacher is saying that we missed a whole message Because we trying to find something we can disagree with So that we have something to comment so that we have an excuse to remain the way we are instead of getting the whole message and Like my father says chewing the meat and spitting out the bones You you will sit there and ignore all the good meat and Go to choke it on the bone and then lose yourself. So you got to understand that how he's going real fast on my How do you move on from someone who let his left his family for another one? You know what I make this my last question a lot of people always ask me I see this every day when I go on Instagram and I do Instagram Q&A I See it all the time when people say how do you move on? Understand this no matter what the situation is no matter what it is you move on you move on Putting one foot in front of the other What I mean is it works the same way One step at a time meaning you watching this video you get new knowledge You take a online course you read a book you Get coaching you get therapy you get counseling whatever it suits you whatever you like Coaching and therapy are different But whatever you like and you just one day at a time you taking steps. It's no magic formula It's no snapping your your Fingers you got to take one step at a time doing the work. I got a minute and a half I sound like I hear Awesome by why do churches slash coaches make it seem like there is someone for everyone? Even if people desire it God has not called for everyone to be married. Why do people sell a fairytale that people? That people are waiting for miss mister and miss is right What you have to realize about the world and about your mind is That you get whatever you desire So The Bible says that that you'll receive the desires of your heart The Bible says that such as a man think if so is he the Bible says Just like this lady says better to marry than to burn What you have to realize is that if you believe there's someone for you then there's someone for you It doesn't matter about the numbers It doesn't matter about God is not gonna keep you single If you desire to be married because he tells you in his word that it's better to marry than to burn that if you Don't have a desire to be single then you need to be married And if you believe there is someone for you there is someone for you But if you believe that the churches and the coaches are lying to you about there being someone for you Then there will be no one for you because you don't believe there is someone for you So you got to understand that what you believe about you is what will become in your life But if you are holding on to disbelief to comfort yourself because you don't have the audacity to have faith or The courage to believe so you are seeking and being a pessimist so that you can rest in Mediocrity and rest in a comfortable place because hope hurts Because it hurts you or it cost you something to hope and to believe Because it may not happen the day you want it to happen So you feel a little disappointed and because you don't want to keep getting back up and keep the faith and keep walking By faith you just start to tell yourself. There's nobody for me So you tell yourself there's nobody for you and guess what your face shows that The way you walk shows that when you speak to someone they feel that so every the way you dress It says that so now exactly what you have told yourself You just created that in the world because you're telling yourself There's nobody for me and so that is what happens Nobody is for you. You start to repel people, but if you say I know That there's someone for me and I'm going to meet that person So what happens is you start looking and you start saying You know, I'm gonna meet that person and so you dress different you walk with your head up your head is on a swivel you smile and so that is why We teach that there is someone for you if you desire someone So it's not even talking about you and how you think it's just the truth Because like attracts you attract what you are you attract what you become so understand that I think my wife here Hey, baby Hey Hey T T Your mom here She ain't here yet. She just called you Huh Okay, when she get home come out and let me know I say when she gets home come out and let me know How do you keep the chemistry slash butterflies in your marriage after 10 to 12 years of being together? You know what you got to do Alpha female I'm going on 13 years of marriage. This my left hand in case the camera got is flip I'm going on 13 years of marriage and I tell you the truth and people do not believe this people do not believe this when I say this I still get the butterflies on date night I still get the butterflies on date night. I truly mean that but you know why for me I can't speak for one but for me It's because I'm 100% faithful to my wife and I keep trying to make her fall deeper in love And I keep trying to find new things about her to love So I want to love the good and the bad. I want to love the good in the bad the things that annoy me Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the only thing that really annoyed me about my wife is And when I say annoyed I have fallen in love with it. She talked non-stop at my son soccer game She be non-stop. Okay. Go here. Go here. All right. Do this do that and I'm sitting beside her So she's in my ear. So it's like a megaphone in my ear That's the only thing that really gets under my skin But I had to learn how to love that and so for me I'm trying to Because I'm 100% faithful to my wife. That's how we keep the butterflies the other day and This personal but we made up for about 30 minutes Man, I ain't kiss 30 minutes. I mean literally was kissing literally it felt like 30 minutes Just kissing Just kissing and I was like wow Going on 13 years of marriage, but you know why you can do that when you are faithful But see when you cheating with your Facebook Boo your Instagram boo your work boo when you backbiting and Backstabbing your partner meaning all all of their dirt all of their flaws you taking and you talking about them like a dog To your best friend to your mama to your daddy when you doing all of those things you breaking down the relationship you breaking down the relationship and so when you are Faithful and you are focused Then you are favored. I called at the three elves When you are faithful and you are focused then you are favored and I'm telling you Going on 13 years of marriage. I wish That they paid you for love like they say love don't pay the bills. I wish they paid you for love I wish Mark Zuckerberg would give me a billion dollars that I could just love my wife That I don't have to work and I just could be on dates with my wife and just spend all day with her every day and just travel the world like we went to Europe for six weeks and It just was amazing. We were traveling and I just with my wife We was about to do a date night tonight, but we got a boxing match coming on. So she here huh Okay Well, the Queen is here Brought my food home getting ready to watch this he'll match tonight, but he youtubers KSI Logan Paul they're from YouTube and they fight on this app called the zone And so I'm curious to watch this YouTube battle cuz I'm thinking about getting in some shape And I need to be in one of these YouTube fights, you know, make me some of that little money Hey, God bless y'all. We'll talk soon