 Eve Harden, a woman like Armist Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, goes with a man like Philip Boynton for six years. Certain changes are bound to occur. Changes which Miss Brooks can't help but notice. Yes, after six years, Mr. Boynton is wearing a different suit. But last week, for the first time, some radical changes did appear to be in evidence. All else having failed, I had decided to take my landlady's advice and try to build up Mr. Boynton's ego. So about two weeks ago, I convinced Mr. Boynton that he'd look much more distinguished if he'd grow a mustache. Last Thursday at breakfast, I discussed the early results with Mrs. Davis. I knew that altering his appearance would make a difference in Mr. Boynton. What's the first change you've noticed, Connie? It's much quieter when he drinks his soup. Wow, there's much more to it than that. I saw his mustache when he called for your Sunday night. And it certainly tickled me. I wish it would tickle me. It is rather cute, though, isn't it? Actually, Sunday night was the last time I saw him, so it's too early to tell about any changes yet. Although I've been doing everything in my power to build up his ego. Just what have you done, dear? Well, I asked three of Madison's most attractive teachers, Ms. Adams, Ms. Higgins, and Ms. Preston, to compliment him on his new look. Well, that should have produced results. It did. He went out with Ms. Adams Monday night, Ms. Higgins Tuesday, and Ms. Preston Wednesday. Well, with his new appearance, you've got to expect personality changes in Mr. Boynton. I'm sure he'll be much more positive toward you from now on. Well, he's positive, all right. He positively hasn't asked me to go with him to the party, Mr. Conklin's giving tonight. Party? It's in honor of Mr. Stone's re-election as head of the Board of Education. The entire faculty's been invited. Should be quite a gala affair. Yes, the milk will flow like buttermilk. Well, I'm sure Mr. Boynton will ask you. What are you going to wear, Tommy? No, I don't know yet, Mrs. Davis, but you can bet it won't be what I was wearing about this time last year. Well, what were you wearing then? Don't you remember, Madison's Home Economics class had just honored me with their annual secret project. Oh, of course. That blue dress they'd made with those vents in the back. They just made the dress. I made the vents when I bent over. Well, there will be came of that dress, dear. Well, for a while, Walter Denton used it as a seat cover for his car. But I'll never forget when I first got it. I had to wear it around school for a week so I wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. I only hope they don't honor me again this year. The presentation is due any day now. Really? How do you know? Well, Harriet Conklin's been hinting about it for days. She's in charge of the project this term. Well, I'm sure she wouldn't give it to you two years in a row. Well, maybe not, but... Oh, that's Walter to drive me to school. Be out in a minute, Walter. Well, I guess I'd better be going, Mrs. David. Very well, dear. Have a nice day. Oh, when you make my bed today, just leave the covers turned down, will you? The covers? Yes. If I get that presentation again, I'm liable to come down with a severe case of German measles. For goodness sakes, Walter. If you're going to make a turn like that, at least give the person behind you a hand signal. If for you a doored teacher, I'll send out a flare. But I thought you'd notice something besides my driving today. What's that, Walter? Well, aren't you aware of anything different this morning? Well, look carefully. Oh, of course. The pedestrians have been removed from your fenders. It concerns my personal appearance, Miss Brooks. You see anything over my upper lip? Yes, you forgot to wipe the egg off your lip. Please, that's a mustache, Miss Brooks. Harriet noticed it immediately. But, of course, I usually give her a much closer view. Gosh, the way that man's mustache has changed his personality. Then you've noticed it. No, who hasn't? It's amazing what a difference some hair over a man's upper lip will make. Well, in the last few days, he's even winked at some of the female teachers. That's just a nervous twitch, Walter. No, it's nothing. And that isn't all. A couple of times, I caught him holding a hand mirror up to his face. Maybe he was trying to find out if he's alive. Apparently, he is beginning to change. But you can't prove it by me. I've hardly seen him in the last three days. You know, just wait till you do. You'll be able to tell right away. It's practically all Harriet talked about last night. Harriet? She didn't happen to mention the home economics class secret project, did she? I mean, did she say who was going to be the lucky winner of this year's seat cover address? Well, no, but she did say they were going to make the presentation today so whoever it was could wear it to Mr. Cocklin's party tonight. Turning the car around, Walter. I feel an attack of the measles coming on. Oh, I'm pretty sure it won't be you this year, Miss Brooks. They've never made the presentation to the same teacher two years in a row. Well, you can never tell when they're liable to start a nasty precedent. But I guess it, say, this isn't the way to school, Walter. Yeah, I know. Miss Enright called before I left home and asked me if I'd pick her up on the way to school, too. Miss Enright? Did she know I'd be along? Oh, sure. Yeah, she said that would make the trip even more enjoyable. Miss Enright said that? Well, to quote her exactly, Miss Enright said she'd always look forward to being present when you were taken for a ride. Now, I suppose I can stand it for a few miles if she can. Well, I've seen her. She said her house was right in the middle of the block and she'd be out front. Here it is. Just pull up in front of that stunted tree, Walter. That's Miss Enright. Oh, yes. You have wonderful vision, Walter. Well, good morning, Walter. Good morning, Miss Brooks. It was. Why would you two make a pretty picture in the front seat? We do? Yes. I'd call it mother and son in Jalopy. Well, hop in and we'll have three generations, Grandma. You miss Brooks, but then you're used to being shoved around, aren't you, darling? Maybe I just better get out and walk. Oh, nonsense. Just move over a little. Oh, there we are. Oh, this is comfy. Walter, your upholstery is positively squishy. I haven't moved over yet. Oh, the Conklin's little party tonight? I suppose you'll be wearing the dress the whole economics class gave you last year. Or maybe they'll give you this year's sack in time. They don't give it to the same teacher two years in a row. Maybe you'll get it. Oh, don't be silly, darling. Muslim isn't becoming to me. It would be if you had the collar and leash to go with it. I don't have any ill feeling aboard. I couldn't have any ill feeling toward Miss Brooks these days. Not after what she's done for Mr. Boynton. What I've done for Mr. Boynton? Oh, yes, since he grew that mustache, the changes in his personality are positively spectacular. Why, a few weeks ago, he'd have felt compelled to ask you to the affair tonight. Now he had absolutely no hesitancy in dating me. What? You mean he invited you to the party? I don't believe it. You can find out for yourself when we get to school, Miss Brooks. That's exactly what I will do. And, Walter, will you wait in your car for me, please? Why, Miss Brooks? Do you want me to run you somewhere? If it's true, you can run me over. In front of this mirror. Oh, I wanted to talk to you before class began. And what are you doing, Mr. Boynton? I was just trying to make up my mind about this mustache, Miss Brooks. Do you think I should wax it or let it curl naturally? I'd say it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. Six of one and half a dozen of the other? Yes. Wax the six hairs on one side and curl a half dozen on the other. This is the first time I've ever seen you in front of a mirror, Mr. Boynton. I know. Boy, I must have passed this mirror 10 times a day for the past six years. Well? Gosh, what I've been missing. I think a man should pay attention to his appearance, don't you? I'm beginning to wonder. The next thing you know, you'll be wearing a cane on the campus. Oh, not me. I'm not that vain. I never wear my cane until I'm away from school. What? You mean you've actually bought a cane? Just a little walking stick. It does a lot for my poise. I'll bet it does. But that isn't why I came in to see you, Mr. Boynton. As you know, Mr. Conklin's giving a buffet supper for Mr. Stone tonight. And since we've both been invited, I wanted to talk to you about that, Miss Brooks. Good. What time will you pick me up? That isn't quite what I had in mind. What time do you want me to pick you up? Well, that isn't what I meant either. I don't know how to put this exactly, but with the growth of this mustache, something has come over me. You're not just flapping your fuzz, Philip. I'm not kidding, Miss Brooks. My new appearance has done a lot for me. Why, in the last three or four days, almost every female teacher in the school has complimented me on my appearance. I must confess, it's had its effect. In what way, Mr. Boynton? Well, for one thing, I find I'm no longer preoccupied with my frogs. What? How can you ever face McDougal? I don't want you to think I'm conceited, Miss Brooks, but when I noticed how women reacted to my mustache and me, well, a definite change began to take place in my personality. A change? Where I formerly thought of myself as exclusively a man's man. I now think of myself as a lady's man, too. I've got to get this boy a razor. Look, Mr. Boynton, what has this got to do with tonight? Well, I'm taking Miss Enright to the party tonight. Then it's true. Yes, Miss Brooks. Now, I don't want you to be hurt. Actually, I owe you a great deal for helping me to discover my true self, but... Well, yes, Mr. Boynton. It's just that now I feel I belong to all women. You know Tommy Manville. For a minute, I thought the radiator was leaking hot air. It's me, Mr. Conklin. I wasn't far wrong. What are you doing behind the door, Mr. Conklin? Step into my office, Miss Brooks, and I'll tell you. All right. Well, aren't you coming out? I don't dare. I've just learned that I'm one of the recipients of this year's clothing award from the Home Economics class. I'm wearing the thing now. Well, don't be bashful, sir. I'm sure you look ravishing in the new muslin dress. It's not a dress, Miss Brooks. The class made me a suit of clothes. When Harriet first presented it to me, I thought it was a horse blanket. However, in closer inspection, I discovered it was a suit made from a horse blanket. Oh, it can't be that bad, sir. Come on out and let me see it. I don't know whether I should risk it. You promise you won't laugh. Yes, sir, I promise. All right. Here I am. I'm gonna appreciate what I'm up against. This consists of nothing but odds and ends. Well, if you don't mind my saying so, you look a little odd where it ends. Levity leaves me cold, Miss Brooks. In certain places, so will that suit. I haven't dared leave the office since I put it on. Now, don't misunderstand. I'm deeply honored that Harriet's class thought enough of me to give me this award. Oh, of course. It shows that the undergraduates involved hold me in the highest esteem. Yes, indeed. And there's truly nothing in the world I treasure more than this gift. Nothing in the world. But, Miss Brooks, since this was the class's secret project... You wish they'd have kept it a secret. Well, the truth of the matter is when Harriet and her classmates made the presentation this morning, they insisted that I not only wear this suit when Mr. Stone arrives this afternoon, but tonight at the party as well. They said they'd be deeply hurt if I didn't. Miss Brooks, I'll be the laughing stock of the school unless you help me out of this predicament. But how can I help, sir? Well, for years now, it's been an unwritten rule that the teacher who received the award the previous year has the final say as to who gets it the following year. Although this rule has seldom been invoked, this year we're going to invoke it, aren't we? Are we? For some time now, you've been arguing to get Mr. Boynton a new lab next to your classroom. Right, Miss Brooks? We've just put that unwritten rule in writing. I knew I could count on you, so I've taken the liberty of sending for my daughter. I know how persuasive you can be when you want to be, Miss Brooks. So you... Here she is now. Did you want to see me, Daddy? Oh, hi, Miss Brooks. What do you think of Daddy's new suit? Real gone, isn't it? It's on its way. Miss Brooks has something she wants to discuss with you, Harriet. Oh, what is it, Miss Brooks? Well, since I received the Home Economics Class Award last year, I have final say as to who gets it this year. Is that correct? Well, yes, Miss Brooks, but for years now, every teacher has ridden along with the class of selection. This is where I get off. That is, I'm taking advantage of my prerogative, and I don't think your father should receive the award this year. I don't think he should either. I mean, Miss Brooks may have a point, Harriet. But who deserves the suit more than Daddy, Miss Brooks? Only one man, the esteemed head of our Board of Education. Mr. Stone? Mr. Stone! Motion carried. Stone stuck. He should get the award. Well, if you say so, Miss Brooks, but I certainly hope there's no objection to the other presentation we're making today. The other one? Yes. Besides the suit, our class made a dress for a female teacher. We're giving it to Miss Adams. Want a bet? You mean you don't approve of that selection either? Then who do you think should get it? Only one person, Harriet. The teacher who's really been asking for it. It's me, Miss Enronks. I wasn't far from wrong. What are you doing behind the door, Miss Enronks? You know perfectly well what I'm doing behind this door. Because of you, I've been compelled to wear the dress the whole economics class made for Miss Adams. Now I dare not show my face in public. Well, you can't blame that on the dress. Now, never mind the tracks. The winner of this loathsome award has to wear this thing to the party tonight. You got me into this dress, Miss Brooks. You get me out of it. Oh, then you definitely won't be able to show your face in public. You know what I mean? This atrocity looks like a potato sack on me. There, look, see? It would look better with potatoes in it. But if you're so set against wearing it tonight, perhaps we can make a deal. What sort of deal, Miss Brooks? Well, since I have the final say, I could tell Harriet to give it to someone else, but only under certain conditions. What are they? First, that you break your date with Mr. Boynton tonight. And second, that you give his your reason, the fact that he's been taking this mustache bit much too big. And if I refuse? Say, I was just noticing that muslin does wonders for your knobby knees. All right, Miss Brooks, you win. I have no choice but to agree to your proposal. Add a girl? You must admit I'm a good loser, darling. Yes, indeed, Miss Enright, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather see lose. That afternoon, my principal and I were in his office, awaiting the prospective recipient of the two garments. Well, Mr. Stone ought to be here any minute now. Do you want to make the presentation or shall I, Miss Brooks? Well, as the previous year's recipient, I think I should present the suit to him, Mr. Conklin. And if you don't mind, sir, I'll also give him this other award. You mean this piece of burlap? The only thing that's good for is to hold a bunch of potatoes. That's no way to talk about Mrs. Stone. Mrs. Stone? This is the dress made by our home economics class. The stone should make quite a handsome couple in these outfits. Oh, yes, indeed. They'll be almost as well-dressed as Mammy and Pappy Yolkham. However, as long as you've made it, oh, there he is now. Come in. Well, good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, Osgoode. Hello, Miss Brooks. Hello, Pappy. Mr. Stone. Before we get down to school business, Mr. Stone, Miss Brooks has a little presentation for you from our home economics class. A presentation? Why, Miss Brooks, I'm touched. Well, you see it. You'll go out of your mind altogether. Mr. Stone, to show our deep appreciation for the work you've done in behalf of Madison High School throughout the year, the home economics class has made this gift especially for you. Here you are, sir. Why, uh... It's, uh, beautiful. Do you really think so? Yes, indeed. The next time I go riding, I'll put it under my saddle. Oh, no, sir. It's a man's suit. The class expects you to wear it to Mr. Conklin's party tonight. This is a man's suit? You can tell by the buttons. See? There are very few double-breasted horse blankets. Oh, yes, I see it now. It's, uh... Lovely. And besides this suit, sir, our home economics class wants you to have this additional gift. Oh, thank you, Miss Brooks. And that'll come in very handy. It should hold several pounds of potatoes. It's a dress for Mrs. Stone. I see. You're giving this suit to me and this dress to my wife. We also supply a door to hide behind. That is, you'll get a lot of good wear out of them, I'm sure. Yes. Well, all's good. I don't know how to thank you for your part in this. Oh, Miss Brooks deserves all the thanks. As recipient of last year's gift, she had the final say. It was her idea. Your idea, Miss Brooks. Has my transfer to Siberia come through yet? If you're going to wear this suit to the party tonight, why not try it on now, sir? I have a tie in my inner office that will go perfectly with it. I'll dash right in and get it. Won't be a minute. Miss Brooks, I don't want you to mistake what I'm going to say for a moment. I'm deeply honored that the home economics class thought enough of me to give me this award. Of course. It shows that the undergraduates involved hold me in the highest esteem. Yes, indeed. But if this was a secret project, why didn't they keep it a secret? Don't get me wrong, Miss Brooks. I just feel that this award should be given to someone more directly concerned with Madison's daily life. Mr. Conklin, for instance. Mr. Conklin? Yes. I feel that you should reconsider to whom this gift should go, just as I am about to reconsider the appointment of a new head of Madison's English department. Do you follow me, Miss Brooks? Do you want to make the presentation, or shall I? I think that since you... Well, here it is, Mr. Stone. Isn't it a beauty? This tie goes with that suit like ham goes with eggs. Pardon me, sir, but the knife and fork just changed hands. What Miss Brooks means, Osgoode, is that I cannot accept this signal on her. You can. Mr. Conklin, Mr. Stone and I feel that because of your devoted attention to the needs of both teachers and faculty at Madison High throughout the years, this suit from the home economics class should go to you. Well, there's nothing I've wanted more. Mr. Stone, Miss Brooks, I don't know how to thank you. As I look at this splendid garment, I realize that there's nothing I've wanted more! Miss Brooks, what's going on here? Mr. Stone persuaded me you should have it, sir. But I thought we decided Mr. Stone should have it. Remember, when we were discussing Mr. Boyndon's new lab being moved right next to your classroom? Oh, Tut, Tut, Osgoode, the decision should come from the new head of Madison's English department. Head of the English department? Miss Brooks? But we'd be trading our integrity for a mess of potage. A double-breasted mess of potage. Look, gentlemen, I don't want a blackmail anyone into a promotion. Perhaps neither of you deserves this award. That's my girl. But then who should be the recipient? It does present a problem, doesn't it? Come in. Hello, everyone. I... Mr. Boyndon, welcome home. Will you make the presentation or shall I, Mr. Stone? Go right ahead, Osgoode. Mr. Boyndon, in honor of the service... You have done for Madison throughout the years. Because of your devotion to duty. And your unflagging zeal in your work. We want you to have this award. From the picture, Abbott and Costello meet the Board of Education. I don't quite understand, but thank you very much for the suit. I certainly didn't expect anything like this when I came in here. Why did you come in, Mr. Boyndon? Harriet told me you were in here, Miss Brooks. And since Miss Enright can't make it, I wanted to invite you to Mr. Conklin's party tonight. I accept. And that automatically eliminates you as the recipient of the Honorable Horse Blanket. But, gentlemen, I think I have a solution that should be acceptable to all concerned. What is it, Miss Brooks? Hand it over, please. Thanks. For you, Mr. Stone. For you, Mr. Conklin. And for you, Mr. Boyndon. And may the pants rest in peace. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon.