 Is your sex drive lower right now or is your drive to have sex with me lower but your sex drive is the same? My sex drive is the same But my my drive to have sex with you is lower. So what are you doing about that? masturbating Really sometimes why don't you tell me why would I just come to you but hey, I'm masturbating I tell you when I masturbate Congratulations Yeah Does that kill your This video is sponsored by audible the only service that gives members access to the world's largest selection of audiobooks We are dedicating this video to the uncomfortable but necessary conversations We are called to have in our personal lives There's probably a conversation that you know you need to have with someone that you've been putting off And that's why we want to share some audiobooks that have helped us improve our communication around the rough edges of our relationship If you like audio you'll love audible So why not give them a free try Audible has a 30 day free trial where you will get one credit to any audiobook of your choosing and full access to the plus catalog for Free the thing I love about audible is they are always adjusting and putting members experience first Audible has rolled out its newest membership plan audible plus with audible plus members get full access to the plus catalog Which is filled with thousands and thousands of select originals audible books and podcasts Including ad free versions of popular shows as well as exclusive series With audible plus you can listen all you want to the plus catalog. I highly recommend I hear you by michael sirensa and this audiobook is less than three hours But trust me it is packed with centuries of wisdom and how to effectively communicate I also just started permission to feel and as always I'm going to recommend my audiobook which was an audible top 100 bestseller the game of desire read by me Visit audible.com slash shambudy to start listening right now Or if you're in the u.s. You can easily just text shambudy to 500 500 Again, that's audible.com slash shambudy or text shambudy to 500 500 to get your free trial on This is a real life enactment of you every night trying to avoid sex just so you know True or false true Jared I pretend like i'm asleep All right, so let's talk about sex and pregnancy. I know it's better for you. You have more blood So it feels better you get to orgasm quicker And um, you probably have a higher sex drive right now than you normally would do. What do you say? I would say I don't know if my drive is higher. I think that my understanding of the need is higher You know what i'm saying? It's like when you're working out before you have a photo shoot. Yeah. Yeah, and I totally understand I am just not into pregnant sex and and anybody who who's out there who loves it and is into it And they fantasize about it and they fetish it More power to you Me personally, it's just it's not as fun. It's more or less like for me sex is about adventure Sex is about exploring Sex is about trying new things and getting into new new territories, but with pregnant sex There's like a limited amount of positions that we could do and there's like A limited amount of of things that we can do without putting you in an awkward position or hurting your body So for me, it's just kind of feels routine Rather than like spontaneous. So at this point, I am nine months pregnant And so we're at the end of the line, which means more sex, but it does definitely mean more uncomfortable Sex i'm uncomfortable right now. I'd be honest with you. I'm uncomfortable literally all of the time Um, and it's it has me a little bit worried. Why? I think because our relationship is so based on sex Yeah, like the reason we were talking about this like if some people get together because of financial stability Yeah, they marry somebody in specificity because that person is well off And so if that person stops being well off it changes the dynamic of the relationship And so because we came together because of sexual chemistry the fact that we don't have it now is worrisome to me But it doesn't affect the way that I look at you. It doesn't affect the way that I love you It doesn't affect the way that um I am perceiving you as a person or my lover or my partner It doesn't do any of that. I can't speak for you. You know what I mean? I know this is probably an important area and it probably has affected the way you look at me, but It hasn't done that for me It hasn't affected me at all. I think actually the opposite. I think I have more like Damn moments with you. Really? Yes, like sometimes when you get out of bed in the morning and I look at your body or Sometimes like even in the car. I'll look at your hands and what they're doing Like I just get turned on by you all the time now. It's the pregnancy. It's the more blood flow No, I don't know. You know what I actually think that is fascinating about it I feel like there is something to be said about the push pull dynamic of sexual Chemistry or sexual desire in general. So because you're kind of pulling away from me My push towards you is higher Because a lot of people that I know, you know, and then I got a dm yesterday from somebody who was like Can you please talk about a loss of sex drive and a loss of desire to have sex with your partner? And I was like, I just do not have that experience at all But I wonder if it's because you do have that experience that my desire for you is stronger Yeah, go back to like there only could be one one crazy person in the room So like if one person is like panicking Your natural tendency is to be calm collective and be assertive So I think in this situation because I'm not like jumping on you every second Your your body knows that you need it. So it's just like your brain is telling you to be attracted to me Well, does my like Like yesterday I came to bed and you were like Like you had to clock in for a shift Well, I I know it. I know we have to do it So I'm not complaining. I obviously in the act. I'm I'm not mad. You know what I mean? It's not like And like we're having sex. It's not like that. It's just for me um I usually am used to having a desire for it before the act You know, I'm used to like 30 minutes thinking in my set thinking to myself like, oh, I'm gonna have sex today Um and getting into it that way For me like it's like, oh snap. We have to have sex. You know what I mean? It's not like that sexy build-up that I'm used to um But once it gets going I'm not like mad about it. I'm not like angry about it But it's just not like a thing that I'm thinking about before bed like I used to the thing that throws me off is when The baby will kick or do something Because then it reminds me that like like for instance the other day we were in the shower I was getting into it and then you're like, look, she's moving. She's in the shower with us And it's just like you just take me out. You just take me out. Like I'm out at that point. I'm not into it This is weird. So yeah, but that that that's the type of things I think I think I will struggle during those six weeks though Knowing that we can't have sex. Yeah after you give them struggle in a good way like tension Well, I'm gonna be using tango so I'm gonna be masturbating So you're masturbating right now. You told me Yeah, but not like not like the way I'm going to be vigorously masturbating when you're a six weeks postpartum Why do you think so? There's a difference when you're like you can't do this. Yeah, then You have an option to do this. It's fascinating because I Fantasize about postpartum sex a lot I think about just being able like to your point Like I am so excited to be the sexual partner to myself and to you that I used to be like I'm excited to Get into moves and to move quickly. I want to be slammed up against stuff Like I want like to be pulled and passionate Even for me like, you know, I'm the make out queen I do not enjoy making out right now Really because I'm get so out of breath so quickly. Oh, yeah So like it's this like push and pull between wanting to kiss and wanting to survive And it's a very hard choice to make in the moment So I am like everyone's like all your sex drives are going to decrease so much when you have the baby But my drive my will is so so strong for it. Yeah. Do you feel I'm comfortable. You know, do you feel hurt? By my reaction to your pregnancy and pregnant sex I'm not gonna lie that video that we made last time where we talked about it And then you told me that you like masturbate by yourself. I could tell you were hurt You could see it in my eyes. Yes, I could tell Did you get hurt that I was hurt? No, no, no I appreciate this is the thing it's a hard thing because I was actually having this conversation when I was talking about having a Partner who supported my career. What makes it so easy for us to facilitate this dynamic Is that you're so honest with me You know, you're so honest about your vulnerabilities and even Like in times when you're feeling low, you are incredibly honest Like you're not one of those people you have to guess what's really wrong with them Like they're acting out but like oh you gotta kind of think back to what could be bothering them So the fact that you do tell me things like that that are hurtful to me Is helpful So I don't want to discourage it because I'm like I don't ever want you to scale back and lie to me for my benefit But yeah, like it it does it does hurt. I'm sorry. Don't feel sorry There is probably a lot of men who can relate to me And there's probably a lot of people Or women who could relate to to you So I always feel an extra need to just kind of say what we're going through during the times You know I think it could help people You know or not take it or like maybe somebody won't take it as personal in their own relationships when their partner is not On the same same playing field sex drive wise It makes me like really value um My body In a really like having all these changes constantly reminds me of how fortunate I am to feel good a lot of the time So even right now if you guys probably noticing I keep moving. I'm never ever comfortable Like let's say the roles are reversed, right And your sex drive dropped. How would you want me to react to you? I would want you to react kind of the same way that you're reacting to me Um, and this is something that we have prioritizing relationship the whole time where it's like We look at it like a part of our duty to each other So I know that you don't want to but you do anyways So and I appreciate that and I appreciate that you don't like to your point You do make an effort to get into it. You're just never the person who's like Like you're never that um, which hurts a little bit But I think that if I do that to you you do respond back And like this is this is classic. This is a classic conversation between me and Jared at night. I'm like, are you tired? Yeah, I'm a little tired. Do you want to have sex? Why would I pitch it unless I wanted to do it? Like why would I bring it up and like that do you let me know like Like do you? But if I say yes, then you're you'll go along with it. So I would I would actually take a page out of your book Because we're both very sexual people and sex is a big part of not just our relationship health But our individual health Do you feel like you've taken a hit in any regards in terms of wellness in that in the past nine months? um I mean Yes, I I think so because with good sex comes with Comes with great confidence So when you're having like mediocre or sub par sex Your my confidence gets hit a little bit Because I know It's not that enjoyable for you either. You know what I mean? I know that we're doing something that's that's Designed to help the baby to come. So it's the focus is not on us or our pleasure The focus is on We're trying to do this so that the baby can come um So I think I do get a little bit of an ego or confidence hit when we do do it For sure Because I've noticed to myself that I get so much confidence from great sex I definitely agree with that. Yeah, I think not only have I learned that I get a lot of confidence from Sex from you and I and just like seeing that look in your eyes or just knowing that's something that you want to do But even being out in public I'm so used to people looking at me like a woman and now they look at me like a pregnant woman Yeah, like even this like I have these gigantic boobs Nobody's appreciating them if people are staring at me. They're staring at my stomach Like even yesterday we were out in the street and somebody yelled something. I knew it wasn't a sexual comment I knew it was a pregnant comment. Yeah So like that is a hard shift for me as well too to be like, oh like people aren't viewing me in like this sexual Lens they're viewing me through this like motherly lens and I have to find a way to find confidence through that. Okay, so at this point in time We are going to be married for two years very shortly. Yeah, and I thought it was three. No, it's two, baby 2018 All right, is there any part of you that is worried that our sex life is never going to be as exciting as it was before we got married? No, not at all. I don't I I don't think that I think that we're going through a transition and to expect Us not to go through transitions is naive Um, and I'm riding with you and I you know, I hope that you're riding with me and we'll be able to get through it I want that too. I think that like My big fear in all of this is if you're having a hard time separating like pregnant me for me Are you going to have a hard time separating mother me from sexual me? So, I mean, I want us to continue having these conversations and then like again I value it so much to know where you're at and to keep checking in with you, but um Yeah, like I just I want to stay awake in this area because it does Matter so much to me and I think it really does add to the health of our relationship Well that your answer right there Let's me know that it's not going to be something that we've battled with forever because it's so much to do with Um, how we interact with sex and what we're using sex for when the baby's out We're not using sex to get the baby out. You know, we're using sex for pleasure at that point And because it matters to you and it matters to me We both will be able to do the things that we need to do to make sure that we have that sex that we used to have This is my time to like really let your let you be let your body take over right now I don't I don't want to be the person that's like Oh, you're pregnant. You got a you know what I mean figured this out right now Like this is not the time for that the time right now is to make sure that this baby is healthy You know and if we got to have you know one position sex for the rest of this time Then it's only a few more weeks Okay on that now, let's end the video because I'm so uncomfortable Okay Thanks for watching this video sponsored by audible the leading provider of spoken word entertainment If you haven't checked them out give the 30 day free trial a try and explore the wide range of audio entertainment Also, audible is the only place to listen to the game of desire read by shan Visit audible.com slash shan booty to start listening now Or if you're in the u.s. You can text shan booty to 500 500 Again, that's audible.com slash shan booty or text shan booty to 500 500. Enjoy