 Hey fam, so I wanted to do something a little different today And so I am back here in my bedroom where it all began where I started filming videos on my iPhone and I just wanted to take some time to read Some of the messages that I get from you guys which I get every day practically sometimes several a day from you guys around the world and Just share the messages that have inspired me and motivated me and kept me going in the direction I am and you know really pushed me to keep moving forward when I doubted myself or felt like you know Who cares or is anybody really getting any value out of this and also? I think it's really important because so many people feel so alone and feel like they're the only ones going through this So to see messages from other people who? You know are talking about the same kinds of things and expressing the same emotions and going through the same situations I think it's helpful to know that you aren't alone and that there are so many more people out there Like you and that we're all in this together. None of us are alone And that there's a lot of reason to have hope in optimism for the future Okay, so first message. Hey, I stumbled upon you on YouTube today and started binging your videos I was unexpectedly diagnosed a month ago with HIV in the middle of the pandemic and have been struggling a lot with The whole process while being alone in lockdown Especially the physical fitness aspect of what my life is going to be like now going forward Thank you for sharing so much of your personal journey and your diet and fitness routine It's really important to have advocates that do more than just party and march in parades I've been out since I was 17, but I'm not really a part of the gay scene where I live in Florida So most of what's out there hadn't resonated with me until now much love in HIV diagnosis is Such a difficult thing for so many of us to come to terms with and it involves such a steep learning curve So already, you know, it's it can be so difficult for a lot of us But I can't imagine now especially during a pandemic when we're on lockdown where we're socially isolating To have to also wrestle with and come to terms with something like that The feeling of loneliness can be that much more pervasive Fortunately, we have things like the internet and social media and you know This person you were able to buy in my youtube videos and that was able to bring you some measure of comfort and hope and maybe some education and so you know, there is a silver lining in that and a lot of us are turning to the internet and so that's why I think this Kind of work online is that much more important and visibility and seeing role models and people that you can relate to that are like you Setting a good example and showing, you know kind of pointing the way for those people who are just Starting on this path. I can also relate to not feeling like you're really part of the gay scene I never really felt that way growing up I kind of I kind of experimented and tried as I was coming out to put myself in kind of like social groups that was like, you know gay guys and I did that for a while and I just didn't really resonate with me and I didn't you know I really didn't care to go out clubbing every week or every Friday Saturday Sunday, whatever and at the end of the day It was like Being gay didn't really define me socially. It defines my sexuality, but socially I just realized you know I'm I'm the same person and I don't have to try to fit into some mold of who a gay person is supposed to be and I can Have gay friends and I can also have straight friends and and straight guys and straight women and a mixture and everything in between and I Don't have to go to gay clubs, you know It's fun to do every now and then but there's a lot more to it than going to circuit parties and clubs and stuff like that So yeah, I feel you and I and I there's so many people who feel a lot of social pressure In the gay community to sort of fit into that to liberate yourself sexually if you're gay because that's what you need to do for all of us But if it's not true for you it doesn't resonate if you don't feel like in an innate need inside to Express yourself in certain ways and don't just just listen to your your voice inside and listen to what makes you feel comfortable What makes you feel good what makes you feel happy and follow that and that's all that really matters And whether that aligns with the gay community or the straight community or no community It none of that really matters at the end of the day Anyway, that was really long-winded for it What I was trying to say, but you get you get my drift. Hopefully Okay, next message. I can't believe you would reply to that. I'm a big fan rave I want to share my story to you. I'm a nurse working in the UK, but originally from the Philippines I've tested positive last August 2019 with no symptoms at all started taking ARV right away And I became undetectable after a month at first everything is overwhelming mental health plummeted to its lowest But step by step life becomes normal again Right now I'm working in a COVID ward Daunting and anxiety level is at peak, but my patients needed me most so here I am fighting and thriving you were there during my darkest moments I watched all your videos on YouTube and you served as an inspiration to me and to all people living with HIV Please do not stop being an advocate and there's true voice for everyone. You're a star Thank you so much for that message and thank you for all the work that you're doing As a nurse as a frontline health care worker I think it's so important that we continue to celebrate this group of The community and not just in health care industry, but anybody who's routinely working and putting themselves in at risk of You know getting COVID there are so many places around the world that lack Education and so there is stigma now against health care workers, you know nurses and doctors are getting attacked on the street They're getting kicked out of their homes out of their apartments by landlords they're getting called slurs and names and being stigmatized as spreaders of the virus and That's just insanity and it just speaks to the fear that's out there and the resulting stigma as due to a lack of Education and at the very people that are there to help us are the ones that are being persecuted now in many places around the world So it's really important that we take time to acknowledge that it's so true It can be so overwhelming and so like daunting in the beginning to come to terms with a diagnosis But really you said it really well. It's step by step and it's something that you can't rush. It's something that you Kind of grow from day to day Minute by minute moment to moment the most important thing is that when you're diagnosed you listen to your health care professional You take their advice you start your medication you take it as prescribed and that's like the very basic the foundation And as you start to educate yourself and become more familiar your mind will start to to ease and as you start to create a rhythm and as Taking the medication just becomes part of your daily routine Eventually it just it carries as much weight as having to take a multivitamin every day at least that's the potential if you allow it to just become part of the routine and part of your life and The other really important thing for you guys to focus on when you're dealing with that is to not be hard on yourself Don't judge yourself or criticize yourself. It doesn't matter how you got it. It doesn't matter What you were doing or what you didn't do it doesn't matter if you were being safe or unsafe none of that matters What matters is that you take care of yourself now having HIV doesn't take away from who you are It doesn't change who you are. It doesn't make you less than it doesn't make you less worthy of love None of that changes. It's just a stupid little virus It's just a bunch of like organic matter that just replicates and that's it You know, it doesn't mean anything outside of that We give it so much meaning that it doesn't deserve and that can be really really harmful to our health and to our happiness And so I wanted to make it very tech-sensuate that it doesn't matter And that you have the control of your own thoughts to say it doesn't matter and to not buy into that And you deserve to be happy and healthy and live a fulfilling life and most of us most people by and large can Take their medicine and be healthy and live a full life as long as anybody else So anyways, thank you to this person in the Philippines who's doing incredible work Oh, and I wanted to add to the message before about the fitness part I am the reason why I look like this my hair is all a mess and I'm in my workout clothes is because I'm doing live workouts on Instagram. I was doing Tuesdays and Saturdays and now I'm thinking I'm going to add Thursday as well So it'll be Tuesday Thursday and Saturday and right now it's at 11 a.m And it's only 20 25 minutes and it goes by really really fast because I've got music and it's upbeat and it's fun But I really get your heart rate up gets you sweating and we really need to focus on our cardiovascular health especially right now with the pandemic because the more that we can Boost our immune system the better of a fighting chance we're going to have if we do contract the virus especially because it tends to attack the lungs And doing things that are really aerobic is going to help our lungs clear out any excess crap that's in there so even if It's not something for you to be doing the live workouts Which I highly recommend if there are friends or family members loved ones who you feel could benefit from that Please share that with them. It's on my instagram, which is my name. Raif Dorasi Good day, Raif from South Africa I recently got diagnosed with HIV on ARVs and I'm only 26 years old I see you positive energetic inspiring happy all positive And for me, I haven't told anyone except one friend Not my family not even my close sister Every day I tell myself to be positive every morning before I wake up I get bad dreams and my heart starts to pump so fast and my energy goes back to zero Please help me. Thank you so much for sharing that with me And I'm sorry that you know, you're struggling so much with this and it really sucks to not be able to tell The people that you're closest to something that you're going through especially something that is so challenging I hope that in due time you will be able to find a chance to at least share with your sister who you're closest to I know for me that was really like something that helped me get through it a lot was You know, I'm such an open outspoken person about my life and being transparent and honest So the first thing I really did was I told everyone I told my family. I told my my closest friends I told my co-workers So immediately I created this giant network of people that knew about what I was going through that were there to Support me and help me and that really helped a lot But I know that in so many places around the world That's just not an option because education is not where it needs to be the stigma is still really strong There's still a lot of fear and anxiety about it and it and it might actually put you in real danger To talk about it openly so I get that and I empathize with that a lot But I do hope that at the very least Over time you might be able to find one or two people that you can actually confide in who can be there for you In person to support you but even if that's not an option if that's not a possibility You have social media and you have the internet and you have um online based communities who can be that support system for you So, I mean imagine the time before we had the internet. What how what what could people do? There was no way to communicate with people if they weren't with you in person in real life So if you couldn't tell your immediate family or friends or co-workers, you were isolated truly alone dealing with that So i'm so grateful That we have things like the internet and social media where we can stay connected with people who are like-minded Who understand us and who support us and this is why I encourage doing things like gratitude journaling so much I do this practice every morning First thing when I wake up because my brain is fresh It's we're starting from scratch and before anything has the chance to influence my thinking My my energy my emotions. I want to set the tone for the day So I sit down on my computer I open up my blue little journal and I write five to ten things that I'm grateful for And I try to write different things every single day and as I'm writing these things I imagine what it is that I'm grateful for so for example, I'll think of something at the top of my head I say I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to exercise from home So I'll write that out and as I'm writing that out or even after I'm done writing that out I'll think in my head I'll imagine exercising at home and how good that makes me feel I try to bring the good feeling of whatever it is that I'm thinking about as I write it down So I'm feeling it. I'm thinking it. I'm writing it down And then I end it with an exclamation point to really emphasize like I am grateful for this thing And it's really good And then I do that again on the next thing and I try to think of different things every day And so that really starts my day in the mindset of Thinking about all the things I do have and thinking about all the good things that I am grateful for Instead of focusing on things that are negative or things that I don't have It changes your perspective and I bring that up because It's easy to say, you know, like woe is me. I can't tell my friends. I can't tell my family and just fixate on that and be like I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone. This sucks, you know, how am I going to get through this? I don't know instead of if you're sitting there Consciously forcing yourself to things think of things that you're grateful for then your brain will go Oh, I can I can go online and I can and I'm grateful for that and I'm grateful for the social media So instead you start focusing on the the solutions and the possibilities and the opportunities Instead of the problems and the scarcity and the lack So reality is the same whether you focus on one or the other The reality is both are true But it's deciding to put more emphasis on the good than the negative and in the long run That helps you because you start being more solution oriented instead of problem fixated So that's my little negative advice on that And I did a little video and I posted a card to that So please check that video out on gratitude journaling if you haven't yet. Okay next message Hey, right. I had commented on one of your youtube videos. I just want to say thank you so much for your videos You have helped me so much. You have no idea. Your videos are just so informative I found out I was hiv positive in december and you are just down to earth and you helped so many You are truly a blessing. I just wanted to say thank you Thank you for taking the time to write me and to say that and I do want to emphasize the fact that I really do I work to read all of your messages and Try to respond to all your messages as well and sometimes it takes me a while Some of you like know that you're like, oh, I messaged you a month ago and I'm like, yeah, I know I'm sorry, but sometimes it takes me a while to get to most of your messages But I really do try to get to all of them and all the comments and all that But you're very very welcome and I'm so glad that it helps And I just hope to keep making you guys proud and and doing meaningful stuff I don't always make content that's like super serious and super meaningful I try to do some things that are light and fluffy and whatever and just Get a get a range of different content But I definitely want to make sure that I'm always coming back to my foundation and My core which is talking about things that are meaningful and powerful And moving and that help us all grow and to become better human beings because that at the end of the day Is the main reason why I'm doing what I'm doing. Hello there. I am from Bali. Bali's Indonesia I am part Indonesian. How are you? Hopefully you're doing great. First of all, I'm HIV positive about two years now And last year I got tested and it is undetectable I want to tell you the situation that I'm facing right now here in Bali My doctor told me this morning that they ran out of the arv stocks Do you know any solution for this to be honest? It scares me the whole situation stressed me out So he's talking about the arv, which is anti-retro viral medication It's the medication that we take for hiv and I'm assuming now Well, actually, I don't know because that was in december So he's telling me that the medication is has run out there for some reason. I don't know why that is That's pretty concerning. I don't know if that situation has improved now because with the lockdowns everywhere globally I'm sure that's interrupting medical supplies in a lot of places where the supply stream isn't as strong and robust And things can break down very easily So man, that's really tough. I don't know. I don't know the situation in Bali Being more aware and conscious of what's going on globally with hiv is something that I want to tackle and become more focused on It was I was even thinking earlier this year I want to be able to travel to different countries around the world and to do hiv advocacy In different places and to do public speaking That's a goal of mine and I wanted to to try to go to a country this year I don't think it's going to happen now because of everything that's going on But I definitely want to be more aware of what's going on out there and to also put myself there And to hopefully try to lend my voice and my advocacy in person in those places as well To help foster supportive communities, but my heart goes out to you I don't know the situation and I don't know if doctors have recommendations for if they know that they're not going to have access to drugs What the recommendations are? I don't know I can't give you any advice in that because that would be medical advice and I can't do that Please keep me posted keep me updated guys in the comments below Let me know if you guys are having if you're struggling with access to medication globally or even here in the us Because I think that's something that we should be talking about and communicating and getting out there more So that the people have the chance to address that. Okay moving on. Hey, man I've recently discovered you and want to thank you for the work you are doing to shine a new light on modern hiv I found out I was positive in june of last year I was in the hospital because of my seroconversion over new york city world pride So the irony really dug deep. I saw the post about someone whom you saw on the flow and was inspired And I just want you to know the same. I'm getting better and better, but now with cove at 19 It's making my mind swirl. We stopped the world for this pandemic, but my god hiv still rules africa So he's talking about world pride which was in new york city last year And it was my first time going to that it was amazing and I got to go with AIDS healthcare foundation I was on top of their bus the whole time and I had living with hiv scrawled on my chest Because I really wanted to make that visible for I knew there was going to be millions of people lined up on the street And I wanted to show like look I'm really fit and I'm really healthy and I'm living with hiv And that that that's what it means to be living with hiv today It's not what it used to be and I've gotten messages from people over time that were like Oh my god I just realized you were that guy that I saw on the bus With the writing on your test and I really just realized I've been following you on youtube and you're the same person So it's really cool to get that full circle and I'm sure that hit you You know pretty hard on some level to be in the hospital because of your hiv diagnosis While pride is going on but the good thing is that we have come so far And the medication has come such a long way in our understanding of hiv that Now it really is not something that needs to hold you back Even with coveted my doctor told me that I'm not at any greater risk with getting coveted 19 As far as my health is concerned because my hiv is under control because I'm undetectable And for those people who are undetectable and your cd4 counts are in healthy range and you're on your medication There's really no extra reason to be concerned about covet 19 than any other person would be So I want to offer you that reassurance and know that doctors by and large have been saying people who have their HIV under control You're not at any greater risk of symptoms from covet 19 than Anyone else. Hello. I just watched your videos recently in youtube about hiv how to accept about it. I'm newly diagnosed It's very hard. I'm always crying. No one knows about my status. It's very hard to fight in a battle Thank you I do have at least one video where I talk about dealing with hiv and hiv diagnosis and coping with it And what are some things that you can do for yourself to really Give yourself the best shot at handling this in the best way in the most healthy way And to also tackle your own fears and insecurities and to to do a little bit of soul searching and Self growth, which I think a lot of people need to do And the diagnosis is a good opportunity to take some time to go inward and to like really figure ourselves out Emotionally and what's going on inside and with that kind of self work and inner growth that can really help you and propel You as you come to terms with your hiv diagnosis and then just help you in your general life overall So it's just a great opportunity for growth in general while you reclaim your health your physical health Okay, I think I'm going to stop there. I do have a couple more But I've been I talked a lot more than I thought I would so I think I'm going to stop there And I would like to keep doing this if you guys think it's Cool kind of like a little sit down and like let's chat and go and like respond to your messages If you like this if you think this is something that you would want to see more of Please let me know in the comments below I will take your input very much into consideration in deciding whether I continue to do something like this I just think it's a little more informal just kind of chatting with you like we're best friends talking through the the screen And um, yeah, please like this video if you liked it If you feel that there are people in your life who might benefit Enjoy might become educated by watching this video. Please share it friend family. Love ones Subscribe if you haven't already and hit the little notification bell Just so that you know every time that I post a new video And you can not miss that because I'm trying to post more often now and try to do a whole variety of content And uh, yeah, that's it for now. I'll see you guys soon. Peace