 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm your host Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today the topic making sense of men's mix messages Or something like that. I'll figure it out later Before we begin if you're new to my channel, please check out the subscribe button and hit the bell and and tell all your friends If you like the content, okay trying to understand the mixed signals men give. Oh my gosh This must be so confusing for women By the way, this is confusing for human beings because whether it's a man or woman woman women man or woman We when it comes to dating mating relations human beings give mixed messages all the time for these variety of reasons Which I'm about to share with you in a minute But I think it's important when you understand the why you can predict behavior and when you can predict behavior You can make better choices and this my channel is all about helping you make better choices So first and foremost, I know you've been bombarded by the book the rules the rules Which basically says when a man likes you a lot, he's gonna do everything in his power to make you his bump bump bump He's gonna do everything in his power because men are single-focused and men are hunters and they go after what they want Well if that were true then why are the bodies piled from here to the moon of every time a guy chased a woman and then disappeared Why is the number one search term for women trying to understand men? Why men pull away? Why men disappear? Why men do our commitment phobic? Okay, if this book was so accurate, you know, it's it's because it's rubbish. It's rhetoric Because it doesn't really get into the human behavior of why people do what they do and whether a man or woman Human beings are complex. I know you've heard the story men are simple Just feed them fuck them and shut up when they're watching TV and that's all you need to know Oh By the way, I didn't make that up someone else did so don't hold it against me Okay, but men are complicated Because human emotions is complicated Incredibly complicated and that is why the rhetoric of a lot of dating advice is centered around all you women have to do is Lean back and do nothing because he's gonna do all the work and we know that's true when we're chasing sex or something along those lines But that's not true and being a fully committed relationship But I want to help you understand why this happens because this is the really important piece So first and foremost number one is Understanding love attachment love attachment styles if you're not familiar with Amir Levine's book and Rachel Heller Check out the book attached because this helps you understand your love attachment style how we attach to another human being Women tend to be a little more anxious and men tend to be a little more avoidant and when you understand why this happens This will help you understand the mixed messages And by the way, I hopefully men are watching this too because I want men to read this book as well But understanding love attachment is hugely important And then we have to look at the other piece in the puzzle which happens to be where's the book? Oh Getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and and Helen Hunt, okay? Bump bump bump getting the love you want This under this helps you understand how we follow Oftentimes we choose partners based on our parental upbringing We choose someone similar to our mother or similar to our father or similar to you know, whatever Based on our childhood upbringing. We often try, you know, you've seen this happen ladies You've chosen men who are like your father who are emotionally unavailable the you know the avoidant type of personality But when it comes to men, we oftentimes choose relationships like our parent one of our parents and Then it can be so confusing because we don't understand what's going on inside of us because once the Chemistry begins to fade in other words the chemicals begin to fade and if you want to know what chemistry is Chemistry is brain chemicals being released in the body that says you really like someone, okay? It's dopamine It's testosterone. It's estrogen. It's oxytocin. It's serotonin all these chemicals make you feel good That's why it's called chemistry But when the chemistry fades what you're left with is the personality of a human being There are motions and so when you understand these pieces such as the attachment style and and the amago taught by Harvelle Hendricks And if you want to do a deeper dive in healing those childhood wounds and traumas Then you have to check out the Hoffman process the Hoffman process and this is a very expensive inner child workshop It's a eight-day deep dive into your stuff, but you can get the book and Start it on your own and begin up a begin a healing process Because the reason why men show up the way they do dysfunctional if you will mix messages hot and cold and cold cold and hot whatever direction you want to go is Because we're in chaos inside of our emotions. We're in chaos with our emotions So this book the rule says, you know, if we love you, we're just gonna go straight after you. Yeah, that's good for the short hunt But not for the complexities of a long-term relationship And it's one of the reasons why you know if you've been following my channel I talk about a lot eight dates John Gottman's book eight dates Julie Julie Gottman as well Yeah You need to know this stuff if you really want to be in a healthy happy relationship You got to figure this stuff out and You got to encourage the guy to do this work too if you're gonna allow a penis into a vagina Then he's got to do this work as well because it's a waste of time if you're doing all the work And he's doing nothing to heal the emotional side of who we are and believe me I've been on this journey for the last 10 12 13 years. It's why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway? See What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey into personal development self-help and spiritual work to heal from the inside out So you can become an amazing partner whether you're a guy or girl You can become amazing partner because you've healed from the inside out and you're stepping into your radiance You're stepping into your sovereignty and you're stepping into that part of you that is just vivacious and Juicy and delicious to want to get to know because you're an awesome human being God I get so excited when I share this stuff and fashion it because I want to shake everybody up and say do the personal development work There's nothing sexier than that and the good news is if you do this work Whether you attract a partner or not in your life You're gonna feel good about yourself the journey is not about finding a mate The journey isn't about I need you to love me to feel me good about myself The journey is loving yourself so you can feel fabulous whether you're in relationship or not So who gives a fuck if men give mixed messages? I've explained why they've done it But when you're in an awesome place, it ain't gonna matter And that's my invitation for you whoo Boy, you know I get really excited All right, you've got some questions Write them down I do my best to read all of them and I try to respond to as many as I can to write a question down If you've got a comment or you got something to add, please tell me I may have missed something here Hey, if you're new to my channel, please tell your friends. I want to get my message out I'm here to spread a different perspective out there And if you feel like my perspective is different then please email this to a half a dozen friends If everybody did this we could get it viral going and I'd be so grateful Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do I start with giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug And my invitation is you grab yourself right now and give yourself a hug as well Wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now