 Really there are two strategies here when it comes to hanging out with someone you're attracted to for the first time One strategy is the conversation of getting to know each other should be the focal point Yes, and as I said a lot of us envision a date as such go for coffee together Go for drinks together go for dinner together sitting across from the other person Maybe sitting side to side to the other person But the focus of the date is truly your conversation with the other person and if you haven't gotten that Grilled in and you feel good about that Then that's not the date for you and we're gonna help you out We're gonna set up a better and easier one. Yeah, and that's exactly it You know that date for a lot of us, especially if we're inexperienced I know me in my 20s getting started in dating that was a scary idea of How do I create the perfect environment to have the perfect conversation to make the perfect connection? And then you put all this pressure on yourself. Yep You pick a restaurant you've never been to a menu that's foreign to you You don't know where the bathroom is or how to get valet and all of a sudden by the time the date starts It is not going as you plan and it's difficult to carry that conversation Now lack of experience is one reason Overplanning and overdoing it and putting too much pressure as another reason, but the third Reason that we sort of struggle with this is we're also just putting this person on a pedestal Yeah, we are investing so much in this other person who again we filled in some blanks We met him in person. We met him through a friend. We met him online We filled in some blanks and now we are going over the top to try to win this person over and unfortunately Those over-the-top expressions of interest actually scientifically are proven to make the other person less interested Yes, but it doesn't mean you can't be successful with the traditional date where the focus is Conversation if you're really adept at conversation if you feel comfortable And you're gonna be taking this person out to an environment that you know you shine in great Keep with that strategy the second strategy. We've all been waiting for I know when we were talking about first dates back And we started the show our idea was hey We don't want to have that first touch point that first date be something that's the same as everyone else that has the possibility of being boring and ultimately not fun for ourselves and We know that the science shows when we are experiencing things together with other people We feel more connected to them. We naturally feel more attracted to them. Yes emotion ties people together and experiencing those activities stirring up that emotion will will create a Nice chemistry a nice little bond there that you're gonna continue to have and what's great about this is Let's just say for whatever reason Things just don't work out, but you're you've ended up making a friend and which is really cool now with this idea of Avoiding the dinner the movie the traditional date route where conversation is the focus and now shifting it to How can we experience something in our city together whether it's nature-filled if you like hikes in the outdoors Whether it's shopping and you love fashion and you you love finding deals or it could be something as simple as Rollerblading archery anything that allows you to experience something new with the other person Scientifically that experience makes them more connected to you Yep, and if you can set up a date that has a few experiences in one night in one evening Where you go hang out and enjoy a little archery lesson and then after archery you have a pint at your favorite bar And then you end the night at your little wine bar where you know, they have a great piano Those three little tiny events mini dates on that one evening will actually Scientifically make the other person more attracted to you feel more connected because the way our brain remembers Events is not time-dependent We remember snapshots of things and when we start to have multiple snapshots together with one person naturally We start to feel more attracted and connected to them one of the things that used to come up back in the day was Though everyone laughed about but it worked so well was the stupid Chuck E cheese date our international listeners because I I got a lot of emails over the last 12 years about Chuck E cheese What is like what it is? Most people haven't heard of Chuck E cheese. It's a Arcade essentially. Yeah, so think video games ski ball and Games of Chance whack-a-mole where you earn tickets and those tickets Your prize changed in for a prize like crypto Many of us celebrated our birthdays at these types of places now What makes the arcade the Chuck E cheese such a fun date? Let's break that down number one most of us have a childhood memory That's positive about an experience like that getting the tickets winning the prize getting the high score and That date now is tapping into that Memory that positive emotional experience is automatically going to make that date more exciting and fun for the other person Yes, the second thing is now the focus is not on the conversation. It's not on impressing the other person It's not on I have to state how amazing I am. I have to sell myself to the other person. It's about the experience It's about the experience and here's the best part All you have to do is go and have fun. You can let loose. There's no pressure on you. You allow the environment to To do all the work. Let's talk about the other component that gets those dates to the next exciting level and that's touch Yes Scientifically speaking touch builds trust now Before you go into that side. I know here. We go trigger warning me to Touch everyone here's touch and they're like, whoa I don't want to be touching people in this era because if it if I touch them wrong It's gonna be perceived in a certain way I'm not talking about grabbing hands grabbing arms giving bear hugs I'm talking about the silly playful high five after getting the high score in the ski ball and Let's queen just be honest here, right? All guys know That on this first date, they need to get some sort of something together Something needs to happen. There needs to be that there's this dreaded touch barrier Everyone's looking for the spark and typically this spark is highlighted by that initial touch And now if you're going to the traditional date to drinks or this dinner and you're sitting across from the person Guys usually have in their mind of how am I going to work this thin? How am I going to break this and because you're so worried about it? You've already ruined the whole thing. That's why we were talking about if you don't have your chops up That traditional date is not going to work and we'll get to that in a bit But now you're at Chuck E cheese. You're playing video. You're playing whack-a-mole. You're high five and you're Hit bumping each other. You're having a blast that the touches the touch barrier has been blown open Just by showing up. Yeah and with the activity We're naturally going to be closer together than we would be sitting across the table eating sushi staring at each other So when we talk about the second type of date that's focused around an activity We're taking the pressure off the conversation. We're creating an environment. That's a little more fun So even if we don't have chemistry, even if we don't have compatibility I can still leave that date with a smile on my face. Why I got a new high score in ski ball That would make me smile. Oh, I got a new prize. I got 150 tickets I traded it in for this bouncy ball Whatever the case may be the experience should highlight your likes and interests and allow you to showcase your fun personality That's what the goal of this first date is and to see if that spark is there through the experience not through the conversation