 So I received a bunch of messages, Trisha Payness just came out with two videos, all right? And there's so much to learn from this and I have no problem covering this, but I want you guys to realize like we need to reflect on ourselves. And there's so much that we can find insight to by watching this whole thing play out. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired. Where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. Sometimes what I do is take different topics going on in the YouTube community to try to see what we can personally learn from them to improve our own mental and emotional wellbeing. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And I'm going to keep driving this home like just quick, just real quick thing. So I'm gonna bump me out is I just posted a video with a world famous psychologist. I know 90% of you watching this video have anxiety. He and I spoke about coping with anxiety during this tough time. His name is Dr. Judson Brewer. His TED Talk has over nine million views and I had the honor of interviewing him on my channel. So please, for the love of God, after this video, go check that video out, all right? Like I discuss the YouTube stuff to see what we can learn, but when I bring an actual professional, like just do me a favor. Go check it out. I guarantee it'll help you. All right, end rant. So anyways, let's discuss. I checked my Instagram DMs and I like, I haven't gotten this many messages like in a row in a while. And people are letting me know that Trisha Paytas just released not one, but two videos. All right, so I'm gonna break it down into a few sections, okay? And again, like there's so much that we can learn from this. So the first thing I wanna just touch on, real quick, regardless of what you think of Trisha Paytas, regardless of what your opinion is of her, like the over the top nasty comments are not cool. They're not necessary. I hope nobody from my audience ever leaves those type of comments. For example, here's an example of an email that I got yesterday. I'm not gonna read it out loud because I hope my video stays monetized, but just take a look at this email, all right? So just so you know, like it's not cool. And I think maybe some YouTubers are able to just empathize with one another when it comes to those types of comments. But yeah, like Trisha Paytas discussing like the passing of her uncle in that. And as many of you saw in the disclaimer in the beginning, like I am not a licensed professional. All I have is assumptions and theories based on my own personal experience. But if I was talking with somebody, if this was a friend, if Trisha Paytas was a friend of mine, with all this stuff going on with the associate did and Anthony Padilla, I would ask, I'd be like, do you think this has anything to do with the grief that you're experiencing right now? See, a lot of times we try to escape these difficult emotions that we're going through, like human suffering is just inevitable. And this idea that we're ever gonna reach this place where we have this perfect life, it's just unobtainable. We're going to experience loss. We're going to experience tragedy, but the worst thing that we could do is try to run away from it. So I'm wondering if this is a distraction for Trisha Paytas rather than processing this type of grief. You know what I mean? But again, I don't know, but if this is something that you're struggling with, like just pay attention. A lot of people have very self-destructive behaviors after experiencing a loss in their lives. Sometimes it is the loss of a friend or family member, but sometimes it's a relationship or the loss of a job. Like a lot of us will just go into this effort mode and completely self-sabotage, all right? So the main thing, the main thing, I'm gonna talk about something really interesting called attribution bias in a little bit, but the main thing I wanna talk about in this video, in this video, is Trisha Paytas multiple times in this video discusses how she's been told by multiple mental health professionals that she shows traits of borderline personality disorder. She has talked to different therapists and psychologists. They have talked about her fear of abandonment. And if you remember when we discussed the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, it is this very intense fear of abandonment, all right? Oftentimes it is an imagined fear, right? And it can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, okay? But you combine fear of abandonment, this intense fear of abandonment with poor emotional regulation, you get what they call BPD rage. I discussed this in a video a few days ago. Anyways, she discusses how therapists have, you know, discussed her borderline traits and have suggested things like dialectical behavioral therapy. But something Trisha mentions in that video is when she starts going through therapy and doing the work, it brings up a lot of terrible emotions and memories and everything like that and then pfft, then she's done. And this is something that I can relate to a lot, okay? So in 12 step programs, I'm seven and a half years clean, 12 step programs saved my life, I had no money, no insurance, these were free and I went to them and there's something known in 12 step communities that some of you might have heard of before. We call them the one, two, three steppers, okay? Like the first three of the 12 steps in alcoholics anonymous, narcotics anonymous, they're pretty like smooth sailing, right? It may have a problem, you know, believe in this higher power that can restore you to sanity, turn your will in your life over, you're like, okay, I got this, I'm getting this momentum. But a lot of people duck and run once they get to the fourth step, all right? The fourth step involves so much introspection, it involves looking at your past and worst of all, it's looking at the people who have harmed you throughout your life, like from childhood until the place you're currently at. And as somebody who has done a fourth step, it is so mentally brutal, but you get through that fourth step and there was a great chance that you're gonna stay sober, okay? But one, two, three steppers, they were except one, two, three, boom. And here's the thing that we need to understand, like again, we gotta learn from Trisha Paytas' experience. One of my favorite quotes comes from this amazing meditation teacher named Shenzhen Yang and he says this, pain times resistance equals suffering, okay? Let me repeat that for the people in the back. Pain times resistance equals suffering, okay? Pain is an inevitable part of life, right? But when we resist, especially the things that will help us, that is what turns into suffering, right? I don't like seeing anybody suffering or emotionally struggling. Like Trisha Paytas was crying at about 75 to 80% of both of those videos, but at the same time, we have to realize that that suffering will start to subside when we stop resisting getting help, okay? Something that Dr. Judson Brewer and I discuss in our video about anxiety. The only way out is through. So when you go to therapy, when you start working on yourself or maybe it's a 12 step program, whatever it is, you have to do the hard work. You have to do the hard stuff. And I can tell you from personal experience, I get it. I get how much it sucks. It sucks having to look at those things. It sucks having to address them. Like as an addict and alcoholic, you know what I would rather to do? I would rather snort a bunch of drugs, drink a lot of booze and just not have to deal with it. But it spirals into this thing where it destroys my whole life. And it feels like we see that with Trisha Paytas avoiding the work and then causing a slew of her own problems and we need to recognize that. When we're not working on ourselves, we start to cause our own problems. Now, even with seven and a half years clean, I have a therapist, I meditate, I journal and everything like that. I can get into a messed up head space. And when it's times like that, like I don't go to nearly as many 12 step meetings as I used to when I first got sober. Now they're kind of like maintenance meetings. But when I am messed up in my head because none of us just fully recover from the things that we struggle from mentally, I get my butt into a meeting. And last year was one of the most difficult years of my life. And I started going back to meetings and something that I recommend to all of you if you have a friend who is struggling or whatever it is, do what my beautiful girlfriend Tristan does. Like I would get back from a meeting and there's this different thing about me, right? I'm in a better mood, I have more clarity, all these things. And she's like, yeah, you seem like you're in a better mood. That is what we call positive reinforcement, okay? So if you know somebody, like if they're starting therapy or whatever it is, like give them props. Like don't be like the mom or the dad, like yay, you did it. Like don't do that, that is very condescending, you know? But say, hey, like seems like you're doing better, right? And then it kind of clicks for that person like, oh, well, maybe I should keep doing that thing. People are recognizing my improvements because I'll let you know this, a lot of us, we don't notice the improvement within ourselves. So that is very, so it's very important to support the people in our lives when they are taking active steps to get better. I've mentioned this before, but it was very clear. It was very clear when Trisha Paytas was doing hardcore therapy, she was doing better, okay? Like not perfect, but she wasn't doing the type of damage that she's doing now. Something else that I'm a huge advocate of, again, Trisha Paytas mentioned how so many mental health professionals have mentioned she has borderline traits. Me personally, with my mental health and when I talk to others and they talk about therapy and get to ask me for my advice or when I was working at the rehab, I'm a huge fan of working on symptoms rather than a diagnosis, all right? As you know, mental illness can be different for everybody, right? My anxiety might be different than yours. My depression might be worse or different than yours, so I feel like it's more important to work on symptoms. So when Trisha Paytas is talking about her rage and having these blackouts and everything like that, that is something within borderline personality, the diagnoses where it talks about emotional regulation. Work on that, and that is one of the main parts of dialectical behavioral therapy, right? Another symptom of BPD is the fear of abandonment. Work on that. Find the traits or the symptoms that are the most prominent with you and work on those. Talk to your therapist, talk to your psychologist. Here's what I'm noticing in my life about my personal experience. What can I do to work on these things, right? Because if we can get some of those symptoms under control, life starts to get better. As a drug addict, once I got the drugs and alcohol, once I got that symptom of my problem under control, all the rest of the stuff I had to work on got a little bit easier. So the last thing I wanna talk about, video's going a little bit longer than I expected, is something wonderful called the attribution bias. Whether you have mental health issues or not, this is a part of human nature, and I hope everybody understands it. So in Trisha Paytas' video, she discusses all these things that from the outside seem hypocritical, but we all do it, we all do it. So she talks about how dissociated DID is only making videos about Trisha Paytas for the views, right? She's only doing it for the views. And Trisha Paytas claims that she never does the same thing. Yet she has one video where she used Anthony Padilla's name in the title, and in the same video where she was calling out dissociated DID, on that, she had dissociated DID's name in the title. So why do we have these binders on? Why do we not see that we are doing the same thing that we're accusing the other people of? This is called attribution bias, okay? It is not pleasant for our brain. It is too much of a cognitive load to look at ourselves and realize our own faults. So what happens is our brain starts to self-justify. The attribution bias is similar to, or it's in conjunction with, cognitive dissonance. Our brain has these two fighting things, right? So it's like, okay, I'm doing the same thing as this person, right? But I'm gonna call them out. So how does my brain calm down and explain that? Oh, okay, because I am a morally good person and this person is morally bad. So the only way to justify what I'm doing is to say that you have poor intentions for what you're doing, right? Best example I can give you, if you believe that you are not a victim of the attribution bias, is the next time you're driving, okay? The next time you're driving, be very mindful, be very courteous to yourself, but notice all the dumb things you do. Notice how many times you check your phone if you're like me. My beautiful girlfriend Tristan, her biggest pet peeve is how I forget to turn my turn signal off, right? I do, there's just these little dumb things that we all do while we're driving, right? Right, like maybe sometimes you're not paying attention, you're spaced out, you start switching lanes, forgot to turn, whatever it is, whatever it is. But notice, when somebody else does something, right? How many times do you look at somebody like, oh my God, they're on their phone? Even though you're on your phone five minutes ago, that person cuts you off, oh my God, somebody's speeding, ah, right? But when you're checking your phone, it's important. When you cut somebody else off, you had a good reason for it. When you're speeding, you gotta get somewhere, sorry everybody else, but the thing I'm doing is much more important than yours. This is the wonderful world of the attribution bias. And the first step towards dealing with any bias, we all have so many biases and that's why I hate when people say, I'm objective about this, no you're not player, no you ain't. So the way we work on it is recognizing that it's there, then we pause and we say, oh, maybe I should cut that person some slack. So I think a great example of that is seeing how Trisha Payness is literally doing the same things that she's accusing other people of doing. But I'll finish up with this, three things. Get therapy and do the hard stuff, okay? The only way out is through pain times resistance equals suffering, okay? It's gonna suck, but you're gonna be grateful for it. Next thing, attribution bias, pay attention. Third thing, go watch the video I did with Dr. Judson Brewer and work on your anxiety. There are a ton of amazing tips. It is about a 30, 35 minute interview. Just do your thing, all of us are socially distancing right now, do your dishes, clean the house, vacuum, play with your cat and just put your headphones in. Listen to it, it's a magical experience. All right, but anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over on Patreon, as well as the people who buy my mental health books or the rewired Soul Merge. And look how nice I am. I linked the Judson Brewer interview right there. All right, thanks again for watching. See you next time.