 well would you look at the time it's a time for a serious video because i don't do those but i wanted to take the time today to make my one serious video of the year something that's very serious to me something that i need to share with you and no it's not clickbait this woman right here is the reason why i am here today the reason you see me the reason why i've continued i made a video a few years ago losing all hope it's one of my most viewed videos i lost hope i had no friends i barely saw my family i had no hope no drive no confidence no motivation i wanted to die and ironically i met a girl named live and i wanted to live it was like a sign of the universe and i'm not into signs and zodiacs and all that shit i'm not into that stuff but i'm into her really into her i've been into her since the moment i started talking to her the most interesting funny fun beautiful girl person i fell in love with her on site first site we started dating from the first night we met and since then i loved her every single day more and more it's never slowed down there was no honeymoon phase this is a honeymoon life it's never slowed down we've lived with each other basically since the first night we started yeah we had some nights without each other but we basically were living with each other since that day spending like every day together and you know they say you're gonna butt heads you're gonna find out you don't want to do this anymore yeah we had our fights but i love her more today than ever way more than yesterday and way way way way more than when i first fell in love with her i proposed to her after a few months of knowing her everybody judged me family friends everybody you guys maybe not you but a lot of people people in my audience and you have the right to think that you have the right to feel that way like oh he's only proposing to somebody after a few months of knowing and that's scary wait until they're with each other for a year then they'll really find each other out they'll really see the real colors the true colors and i saw her true colors and let me tell you they're the most beautiful colors because the more i learned about her the more and deeper i fell in love with her everything about her is driving me crazy like i'm so crazy about her and i never want this feeling to end for the first time in my life i'm scared i'm afraid of dying i never felt that way of course as a kid i was happy and everything but like high school and beyond bro if i got shot the following day whatever like being honest with you now i'm afraid of getting hurt i'm afraid of dying because that takes away from time that i get to spend with her she's my best friend i look forward to just sitting on a couch with her driving with her listening to music just not even talking to each other sometimes just sitting next to each other watching a show i'm having a time of my life just laying down next to her when we're on our phones time of my life just holding her hand i never want to let go she's my everything and this is going to be corny to people that don't understand but the people that do understand probably smiling because i really hope every single one of you finds a love like this whether it's through a person or an interest but like if you guys love me this is what's best for me she is what is best for me it's been like this is the moment i saw her it's just the moment i met her my girl is what's best for me and like i said a lot of people judge me right off the bat because i proposed to her a few months in but that was not a mistake that was the best decision of my life i wish i did it sooner because i felt that way sooner way sooner i knew she was the one and i know that's very cliche to say oh you're the one no she is the one for me she is she's the only one for me no one else is for me i've been in other relationships i don't even count those i don't i just see those as lessons you know what i mean they happened they existed i wish the best for those people i don't even think about that anymore all i think about is what's with me now and the memories we are to make i love her to death i love her with all my heart she's so smart she's the smartest person bro she's the smartest person i know so intellectual i i don't even understand her sometimes sometimes i just have to look at her and smile because bro the word she uses wow smartest girl she's the smart girl in class and i am the autistic one i'm not autistic but you know you get my point i'm the straight f student she's the straight a student on on her role i'm not i saw no role all i saw was a fucking toilet roll bro that's all i that's all i've seen toilet roll the paper roll but other than that i don't want to say the cliche thing like it's not perfect we fight it is perfect because we do fight we've had our fights but because we fought we learned how to communicate with each other we've been living with each other since day one we have to learn how to live with each other how to coexist and we have learned trust me we have learned we go to each other with everything if i have a problem i go to her i don't go to a friend i don't go to a girl i don't go to a anybody i don't go i go to her because that's what i feel like is a healthy relationship and if you want to know why i started streaming it's because of her i had that drive before i met her i would have never been able to stream i just didn't have that confidence but she pushed me she believed in me and that's why i'm able to do what i'm doing today right now she's working on her art she wants to become an artist she is an artist but you know what i mean like a successful artist with an art store and i am gonna help her as much as i can because i am her number one fan you do not hold that place i do like i am her number one fan bro i will die for her i'll do everything i'll wear her merch i'll i'll i'll i'll tattoo her name on my forehead i already tattooed it on my arm and i know a lot of people see it as a red flag but like i said it's not she's the reason why i live and that might sound toxic to you but i don't care because i know my destiny and it's with her and i'm having a time of my life with her you know i have to deal with comments like oh is he gonna feel this way three years when he makes a video saying we broke up no there is no breaking up there is no breaking up we have that love that my parents have that her parents have just belonging with each other and living and dying together that's what i have with her i cannot imagine life without her i don't want a life without her there is no life without her i'm so proud to be hers i'm so proud of her and i'm proud of myself she gives me confidence that i've never had in my life i feel like the sexiest funniest man and i never felt that way with anybody else or even alone i never felt sexy i used to date girls i didn't date so many girls i say like i've been with 40 girls i've dated a girl that made me feel like i had to be a k-pop star in order to be attractive she makes me feel like i am johnsina like i am the sexiest man on the planet and i know i'm not but i feel that way to her and i don't give a damn when anybody else feels about me i've been able to be myself more in my videos i don't have to be cool i don't have to wear a tank top or prevent myself from making stupid faces because somebody might be looking and be turned off i don't give a damn i could be myself and the person you see on camera ask her ask my live there's not that much different from who's off camera she's everything she is so fucking cool man i love her so much but i just wanted to talk about this not the brag not to tell you guys how perfect and amazing my life is it is amazing we travel the world together we have the time of our lives every day together even when we're doing nothing staying inside on a snow day what i'm telling you is that i feel like there's a person for all of us whether it's the person you're with right now or the person you're not with or maybe you're not into the whole love thing if it's not a person it's something we're all meant for someone or we're all meant for something i'm meant for her and i'm meant to be doing what i'm doing right now on youtube spread laughter and cheer and entertainment to y'all everybody has their youtube everybody has their live you know what i mean and i have mine and that's all that matters to me everything else is a side mission a side quest problems we're gonna have them but at the end of the day i'm with her and that's all that matters i'm not worried about anything all i'm worried about is if something happens to me because it takes away time that i get to spend with her and i'm scared i'm scared about that because i don't want to lose her i don't want to lose myself i just want to spend eternity with her and i know it's weird to hear me talk like this to my subscribers but i wish all of you the feeling i'm feeling right now honestly there's no hard days there's hard moments but there's no hard days because at the end of the day i'm with her and i know i'm blessed for that very reason i have you guys it's all i'll ever need i have everything i need right here with me right now i don't need more i don't need more money i don't need more subscribers i don't need more views i don't need more cars i don't need more i am perfectly perfect with what i have everything else is just extra whatever happens from here on out is extra i'm living at my peak this is my peak as luffy would say this is my gear five i'm so fucking happy and it's because of her she's my light no pun intended she is my light my nicolas light no no no but yeah i just it's been a very long time since that video and i just wanted to update those that probably don't watch my content because they came from that video and expected more videos like that and i never gave one here's just a little update that i'm doing as perfect as somebody can do and it's all because i found the love of my life and i started to love myself so i'm gonna be fine forever more than fine i'm gonna be perfect and i'm not perfect but i feel that way nothing could stop me nothing could bring me down from the heaven and wish i exist right now and that's here with her with you guys having the time of my life every single day thank you love you and yeah i don't really cry it's hard for me to cry knowing y'all are watching me i could turn that emotion off i'm not gonna be like those youtubers that force myself to cry you know have a water bottle underneath me and and like turn it cut the camera real quick and wet my eyes like i'm not gonna do that or bring a dog in here and start crying i'm not gonna be like that i'm gonna keep it real with you guys i'm not no i'm not an influencer i'm no different than you i'm no different bro i'm literally no different and that's what i try to be you can love me you can hate me whatever i am no different than just a random person you see on the street and i'm not afraid to be myself and she's taught me to be fine with that my crazy brain she accepts because her brain is just as crazy we're crazy together i'm crazy in love with her i'm crazy for her and yeah man i love her so much i love you guys too too like oh yeah you guys yeah i love you too no i didn't mean it like that you know what i mean i'm on cloud nine bro i'm on cloud nine and uh i hope to see all of you up here with me if you're not there already sayonara