 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthansley.com, and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, he'll be obsessed with you if you do these five things. If you do these five things, he'll be obsessed with you. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video that content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So once again, all I ask is you give me a little chance. All right, let's talk about those five things. If you do, a man will be obsessed with you. Now, before I get started with this, I do wanna clarify one thing, that everything I'm about to share that a woman can do, a man can do the same thing. So I'm not, or I don't wanna use the word should, but let's just say whatever a woman should do in this case, a man should be doing the same thing. So this is really a two lane street and the reason why the topic is geared towards women is women tend to be more fascinated with understanding the dynamics of relationship way more than men. I'm gonna repeat that. Women tend to be more curious, inquisitive about the dynamics of relationship more than men. And you might be asking, why is that? Well, let me just add one more caveat to that. I would venture to say that roughly nine out of 10 books that are purchased that have to do with dating, mating or relating are purchased by women. So let me just add that caveat. So I think one of the differences between men and women is women tend to wanna know why and men simply just wanna know how to meet women. That's where their stumbling block is just in that how to meet someone. I'm talking about those are the ones who actually seek advice. Those men who have insecurities, fears that don't feel comfortable walking up to a total stranger to say hello. So those men tend to purchase the books about how to meet women and women tend to purchase the books on how to understand a relationship. So that's why I just wanted to differentiate that. And again, I wanna come full circle here. What I'm about to share goes both ways. Now, here's one of the fundamental challenges with dating and relationships today is human beings aren't dating with any sense of intentionality. I'm gonna repeat that any intentionality, what I mean is any real forethought of what really is dating, what is the purpose of dating. Now, I'm here to say that the purpose of dating isn't about having a good time. It's not about finding a mate. It is simply a vetting process to get to know someone. I'm gonna repeat that's a vetting process to get to know someone. Now, before this live stream began, I posted a meme in the community section that I wanna share with everyone. It'll just take me a second to pull this up. But this really illustrates something that I've noticed today in the meme. And this is my quote. So these are my words. It says, dating is an agreement to get to know one another. These days, most people aren't dating. They're hanging out with little or no intentionality. I'm gonna repeat that. They are hanging out with little or no intentionality. I think one of the fundamental frustrations for both men and women alike is there's a lack, there's almost this ambivalence and this arrogance with a significant percentage of people. Now, I'm not saying it's 50% or more. I'm just saying it's a significant percentage of people show up ambivalent or arrogant in the process. Then there's another significant percentage of the people that are rather clueless. I mean, absolutely pick your hair out clueless. And this is true for men and women alike. This is why I espouse, I espouse, I spout. What's the word I'm looking for? I scream at the top of my lungs consistently to encourage human beings to be more intentional in that process. So what does intentionality mean? Why did I say dating is an agreement to get to know one another? Well, I was watching one of my contemporary shoot a video encouraging women to date multiple people at the same time and let the cream rise to the top. I'm gonna repeat that date, multiple people let the cream rise to the top. The problem with that, and this goes into one of the reasons why he won't be obsessed with you, is it's, by the way, I don't have enough time to date three people at the same time barely. I know most humans have barely enough time to date one person at a time. Now, let me differentiate between dating and meeting, okay? I'm sure I have a capacity to meet three women in one week and I'm sure you have the capacity to meet three men in a week. So I'm not talking about the meeting phase, I'm talking about the idea of dating. And I believe and I'm encouraging human beings to be more intentional by saying, if we're going to date one another, if we're gonna invest time to get to know one another, then let's just agree that we don't need to distract ourselves by dating multiple people at the same time. That's the way I operate. Now, I'm not, by the way, that doesn't mean exclusivity, that doesn't mean commitment, that doesn't mean monogamy, it doesn't mean anything other than I'm gonna reserve my time to get to know one person at a time. The problem is, if you're spreading yourself too thin, hoping that the cream rise to the top once it ends up happening is the players, the con artists, the men who have no intention of being in a relationship tend to be the ones that rise to the top. And you've actually let a good guy go because he's frustrated that you don't make time for him. So again, dating is an intentional process, at least from my purview, not the meeting phase, but if you're going, and what I mean, again, it should be an agreement. Hey, let's just agree that we're going to spend some time getting to know one another. And there's a new term I just heard the other day, I shared it in one of my videos called hard balling. And it's so piggybacked, what I've been saying for years called radical honesty, and I'm here to encourage women to be blunt upfront with what you want, be blunt and upfront before you ever meet the guy. And folks, you know my rhetoric, if you follow my channel, you know, I always say the following, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you both should be reading the book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. That's an intentional way of dating instead of this passive way of dating. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most people, all their text messages, hi, how's your day going? Hi, how's your day going? Hi, how's your day going? Okay, I'm angry and I'm upset and I want to get to those five things we talked about. So being obsessed over someone isn't a healthy thing. I'm not here to encourage being obsessed with someone. And at the same time, I do want to encourage having a healthy desire for someone. So what I'm about to share these five things that men will be obsessed with over you, it's more related to just desiring one another. These things, and by the way, there are multiple things I could share. I just picked five for today. That I think is hugely desirable by both genders. And I think it's important to lean into these things because I got to tell you, the sad reality is very few people are intentional in the process. So let me put on my trusty glasses. I'll show you my show notes, boom, boom, boom. And let's get started with the five things. He'll be obsessed with you if you do these five things. So number one is my favorite, favorite, favorite. And that is, do you sparkle or shine? Do you sparkle or shine? I want to share a story really quickly. I once had a first date about four or five years ago. And when she was, and we connected through Facebook, we had some mutual friends, we decided to meet for drinks. And when she was, and I got us a booth at the bar section of the restaurant we're at. And as we were, she was walking in, she literally had what's known as resting bitch face. Resting bitch, I mean, she literally had such a sour puss look on her face. Sour puss look on her face. It was such a turn off. It was such a turn off. Ladies, and this is true, this is true both in the way you present yourself physically, but, and also how you present yourself in your dating applications, the dating apps, the dating sites what night. I encourage everyone to sparkle and shine. Nothing is more attractive to a man who spark, to a man is a woman who sparkles. That has that, just that sparkly, twingly look to her. That maybe not everyone is gifted with that. And I know many of you have complimented me. So I want to share some appreciation, especially with the photographs that I share publicly. And I learned a secret to how to sparkle. I learned a secret how to sparkle. And that is simply chuckling, chuckling. Because nothing like laughter brings out someone's energy. Their vitality, their shine, their sparkle. So it's not about dressing sexy. And by the way, most men, while they might covet a woman who dresses sexy or slutty or sleazy that they might want to covet from a sexual perspective, at the end of the day, men are more attracted to Mary Ann than they were ginger. Sure, men wanted to fuck, by the way, if you don't know the reference I'm talking about, especially if you're a Gen X or a millennial, is I'm talking about a TV show Gilligan's Island that was made back in the 60s. But there were two women on the island, ginger and Mary, well, there were more than two women. There were three women on the island, but two of them, the single ones, ginger and Mary Ann. Ginger, and I don't mean that she was the slutty one. But at the end of the, but there was Mary Ann, the wholesome one. The end of the day, we might want to have sex with the gender, the woman we want is that woman that has that sparkle, that shine that doesn't come across with resting bitch face that's not always trying to be a Snapchat model on Instagram Snapchat or I mean Instagram model with that serious look on their face. Always, the serious looks are always a turn off. So I'm here to encourage sparkle and shine, okay? Number, and men find that incredibly attractive. Number two, she's an authority in some area of her life. She's an authority in some area of her life. And I'm thinking of two particular women that I met over the years. One happens to be a therapist. And I was so incredibly impressed with her breath of knowledge, her ability to recognize human behavior. That happens to be my turn on. And I'm also remembering a school teacher I met who actually worked with special needs children. And she just, there was something very attractive about someone that's an authority in what they do. And when she shared her passion in her professional life, when she shared her passion in her professional life, I found that incredibly attractive. When someone is actually an authority, they're a, by the way, ladies, you feel the same way about men, right? When they're an authority in their area, that is an incredibly attractive trait and a very attractive quality. And then we all have that authority within us. And I'm here to encourage to allow that authority to come out, allow it to shine, allow it to sparkle, because for the right guy, he's going to appreciate it. Now, I know many of you are saying, well, Jonathan, most men just want to have sex and most men are narcissistic and most men are controlling. Yes, there is a significant percentage of unconscious human beings. If you're familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I can tell you roughly about, oh, by the way, this is not a fact. This is an opinion as you can read here. Roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues. I mean, real clinical issues, whether it's borderline, whether it's bipolar, whether it's sociopathic, whether it's narcissistic, the list can go on and on according to the DSM. Now, what I mean to say is, I'm not suggesting these people can't be in relationship on the, here's the thing, if they've done little or no work to heal, it's going to be incredibly hard. And then roughly about, I say over here, about 20% of the population is healthy, emotionally healthy as good relationship skills. Folks, I am being ridiculously generous when I say that 20%, probably closer to 5%. And that's, by the way, and that's even men and women. That's the, by the way, it is not 80% men are the problem and 20% women. It's 50, 50 as far as whether they're healthy, emotionally, or clinical issues or what I say in the middle, dysfunctional. Men and women alike are absolutely dysfunctional in their relationship skills. So this is a, so coming back to my point about, you could say, well, a lot of men don't appreciate women like this. I'm talking about those emotionally mature men. I'm talking about those men whose actions match their words. They have a level of victor consciousness. They know how to actively listen to somebody and know how to fight their, they have empathy and empathy just doesn't mean I could feel your feelings. Empathy means I care about my own feelings too. And lastly, they have that capacity to be transparent in a relationship. Those are the men I'm talking about. And they'll be obsessed with you. If you choose those emotionally healthy men, hopefully you're emotionally healthy as well. Or at least, look at when I say emotionally healthy, you're not in some pit wallowing in despair. I mean, at least you're making effort to heal and improve yourself and actually lean into some level of partnership instead of being entitled or a doormat. I'm gonna repeat that, entitled or doormat, which probably is 80% of the female and male population, they're either entitled or a doormat. And so when you are with that emotionally mature man, he's gonna appreciate these five things. And number three, she's easygoing and consistent. She's easygoing and consistent. Easygoing means no drama, not actively complaining all the time. And consistent means she's not flaky. I gotta tell you something, ladies. As a single man out in the dating realm, I can't believe how flaky women are. And I think part of the problem is they're listening to such bad dating advice. And by the way, I know women have a right to be flaky. Guys can be real fucking assholes. Guys can be jerks. Guys can be absolutely unconscious themselves. And it doesn't help anyone, just because you might've been hurt in the past doesn't mean you should show up flaky, inconsistent, or a tough person to be with. Because like I shared earlier, that woman who walked in with resting bitch face, oh my God. And by the way, can I tell you the date? We ended up having dinner, which I didn't wanna do. It could got progressively worse, worse, worse to the point. We almost were coming to blows with one another. I thought we were gonna fight each other. It was that bad. And I like to think I show up pretty jovial, happy, and sparkly, if you will. Anyway, coming back to easy going and consistent. Number four, spontaneous and fun. We men are attracted to women who are spontaneous that could listen. I know you're frustrated with the guy that might call on a Friday night at 10 o'clock at night saying, hey, can I come over? You know, because he wants a booty call. But what about a guy that texts you on Friday and saying, hey, let's jump in the car and get out of town this weekend? Men are attracted to, and women are attracted to the same thing. People who are fun and spontaneous. It's an incredibly attractive trait. So I'm just encouraging you to listen. What's that saying? Something along the lines is who really, you know, on your deathbed, did you really wanna work an extra day in your life? Look at life is about balance. Life is about fun. Life is about play. You know, we, you know, there's 40, you know, we don't have to always be working and doing and working and doing. I'm here to encourage a level of spontaneity and fun. And I gotta tell you again, as a single man out there, there's a lot of sour puss women out there that are just dull and boring and not spontaneous and so caught up in their rhetoric that they're not enjoying life. And I encourage everyone to step into their power and start to enjoy life a bit more. And number five, this is the most important one of all, is standards and boundaries. Standards and boundaries. And, oh, I made a note to myself. Oh, by the way, clearly stated standards and boundaries. Folks, an emotionally mature man appreciates a woman who starts right from the get go. What is her standard? Meaning, what is she looking for a relationship? What does commitment look like for her? Be upfront. Remember I shared hardballing earlier? I call it radical honesty. Emotionally grown up men love women who are direct and forthright. It's only guys who are controlling, manipulated, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable. My friend calls it emotionally constipated. My Pilates instructor came up with a new word. Emotionally constipated men can't stand women who are direct, forthright and have boundaries. Men like me love it. We love, love, love it. I'm dying to meet a woman who could be more direct, a bit tenacious, a bit more forthright and expressing their standards and boundaries for themselves. Because when you're with, folks, I'm here to say, after listening to all this, I'm gonna bring my book into this. My book is called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? There's a link below to my book. Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. What I mean to say is be who you are, that kind, loving, compassionate person. Be who you are, be expressive because chapter nine in my book, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So I wanna encourage you to embrace what I'm sharing here. And my hope is you meet a guy who is also sparkly. He's an authority in his life. He's easygoing, he's spontaneous, he's fun, he's consistent. And lastly, he has his boundaries and standards as well. Because when those two people meet, look out. And let's hope they have chemistry and let's hope they both have an awesome libido and they wanna fuck each other on a regular basis. Hey, that's me talking, but anyway. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. If it resonated with you, please hit that like button and share this with you. For those who know my usual format on my live streams, there's a chat box in the corner. If you have a question, this is the Q and A time. If you have a question for me, write the word question, post the question there after, or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away. That's him right there and right there. Aw. In his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those folks interested in personal development work. And also to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight that I talk about frequently. And if you're listening to the audio portion of this, you won't be able to see the chat box. Now I'm gonna look at questions in a second. I wanna share something with the audience today. As I said before, dating is an agreement to get to know one another. You know what fascinates me so much is a lot of dating advice is very, a lot of unhealthy dating advice. And I think it's because it's coming from the egoic place that most human beings operate from a place of get versus give. I'm gonna repeat that, a get versus give attitude. This is why I continually remind everyone my relationship iceberg, my relationship iceberg. And I'm showing it here. If you look above the waterline, it says attraction and chemistry. And most folks hyper focus on chemistry and romance without understanding the important aspect of a relationship and that's compatibility which is shared values, blundable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And so when most dating advice is hyper focused on attraction and not understanding about values about lifestyles and lastly, is this person grown up enough to be in a relationship with? Then the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. And I'm here to offer, I share with you a variety of books in every video to encourage you to build, shore up who you are from the inside so you can show up as a good partner on the outside. And so when I do share books, listen, I know many of you go, go as Jonathan all you do is talk about books. Well folks, I'm not here to sell you on some big gigantic five, one year $25,000 program because the truth is most dating coaches are completely unqualified to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life. This is why I continually recommend the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is deep work to get to a really good place in your life. The reason why I recommend so many books is because, or going to workshops and things is because most dating coaches, they're totally winging it based on rhetoric and garbage from the book, the rules or other things. And I'm here to encourage personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Don't get advice, don't do that work from a dating coach, do that from someone who's truly qualified, whether it's a therapist or people who have done deep dive into human behavior and not dating rhetoric advice that's all based on attraction to try to hook someone when you get hooked by the wrong person over and over and over again, what's left is bitterness, jadedness and unhappiness. So I'm encouraging everyone, do the inner work because you'll attract a better quality person because of that. Okay, that was my rant really quickly. I saw a lot of questions come in. Again, don't forget to purchase. I saw Super Sticker come in. So I wanna thank Roller Girl. Wait, thank you so much for the $1.99 Super Sticker. Thank you. And I know you said I wish you could give me more. Thank you, I appreciate that. All right, let's go swim in. Shane writes in, question, I'm back again. So I have really big boobs going back to Ginger versus Marianne. It's bad to wear shirts that show off sometimes. I have a BF, don't want him to think badly of me. So I don't see a question there. And I do wanna, if any way I was disparaging the Ginger versus the Marianne, I wanna clarify something for everyone. What I mean to say is not the Ginger was slutty, but what I'm noticing is a significant percentage of women who lead with their looks, their body, their boobs, they're leading with that in the dating apps. They're leading with it on their dating apps. And what that's going to do is attract men who only wanna have sex with you versus the wholesome person who isn't leading with sex is more attractive. We wanna fuck the Ginger's. We wanna marry the Marianne's for the most part. I mean, yes, egotistical men do wanna have a trophy person in their life. But quite frankly, we dump those people once the plastic starts to fall apart anyway. So that's my judgment, my opinion anyway. But I'm here to say, I'm not disparaging someone who might have big breasts or anything like that. I'm just saying if you're leading with provocativeness, you're just gonna attract guys who are horny that wanna have sex versus that leads with that sparkle and shine that I was talking about. By the way, this is my Nemo cup. So Shane, thank you for that question. By the way, it's not easy to drink from that mug. All right, thanks for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Pamela writes, question. If there is a difference between meeting someone and dating them, how many meetings are typically needed before there's a decision that you may wanna date? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love this question. All right, for each person, it's to each their own kind of thing. For each person, it's different. I know that if I really like someone and we have one or two, so the first time we meet is a meeting. And if we get together a second time, that's the first date, okay? If I feel, and I'm not coming from a place of sexuality, okay? I'm coming from wanting to get to know someone. If I've met someone for a meeting and then we went on a date and I genuinely wanna see them again, provided that we're clicking, provided that we're vibing, the provided that it seems like we share the same values, our lifestyles are blendable, and I get a sense that she's an emotional grownup. And by the way, folks, I interrogate women right from the get-go. It's my, by the way, there's a link below to schedule a coaching call with me. What I teach best is asking the questions to determine if you're compatible with one another. So I interrogate women. But Jonathan, you're never supposed to interrogate a guy, you should never interview a guy. Fuck that shit. This is the job interview. You wanna ask as many questions to determine, does this guy share the same? By the way, I want you to think about this for a second. You don't, for example, you don't ask any questions, you're just having a good time, you're having a good time. And you happen to be a person that loves Donald Trump and would die on the sword for them. And you meet the, by the way, this is for those in the United States. You meet a person who loves AOC and Bernie Sanders and would die on the sword for them. Do you think these, and by the way, the one person hates mass and never gets a vaccine. The other person is quadruple-boostered max and everything else. Do you think these two people will get along? So why spend time getting to know someone without knowing if you're a good fit with them? So coming back to your, so I'm all about interrogating someone. It's not sexy, but you know what? I rather homie want, by the way, an emotional grown-up woman actually loves the fact that I'm asking deeper questions than the surface questions of, how's your day going? Is your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. So if I wanted to see, so we had the first meeting, first date, we now have a second date. If by that third time, I'm like, I want to see this person. Usually it's because I want to explore getting to know them, which means I want to date them. So roughly it takes about three face-to-face meetings, for me anyway, to know I want to explore one person at a time. And quite frankly, if I liked someone on the first meeting and we had a second meeting, I don't want to be distracted by all the swipe. I don't want the pings of hinge popping up and bumble popping up and match popping up and millionaire match popping up. And Tinder popping up and OKCupid popping up. It's a distraction. And then I can't give my full, undivided attention to one person. So for me, that's how I operate. And I invite everyone to operate the same way. Pamela, thank you so much for that question. I really, really appreciate it. All right. Lisa Cunningham says, love at first sight is bullshit, is bull. I believe lust at first sight is very possible. By the way, if love at first sight happens, true love, I said this before and I'll say it again. Love doesn't happen in the good times, love happens in the bad times. Let me give you an example. To me, true love is, I'll sit by your side as you're going through chemotherapy and I'll wipe the vomit from your face. If any man or woman knows on a first date that they will be with that person through the tough times, and let's say that tough time happened on the second date, I think 999.999 men and women out of 1,000 will bolt because you haven't fallen in love. Let me reframe that. You might have lust at first sight, but can you be there for that person through thick and thin on first sight? I don't believe that happens. And if it does, it's the absolute exception and not the rule. So Lisa, thanks for writing that, I appreciate it. All right, we've got a super sticker I just saw, so let's open that, bear with me. And writes, I took myself out of the dating realm. I have two exciting projects in my life starting up, will take a lot of time and energy. Am I right to pull out? Well, I guess it boils down to do you want a fully committed relationship in your life? If you want a fully committed relationship in your life, then it's gonna require making effort. Folks, you know, we all love the fantasy of bumping into someone at the grocery store. Look it, I have been to, I go to the grocery store three times a week. Now mind you, I'm masked up these days. I have never had a woman drop the hanky in front of me at a grocery store. And what I mean to say, I've never had a woman that I met organically in that way. And most of the time when I met him organically, it was at bars and mostly I had liquid courage that allowed me to walk up to a total stranger. So coming back to it, if you want to be in a relationship, you have to be intentional and make effort. So the question really, so if you've got work and stuff in your life, you don't need to be dating, you don't need to make the effort, you can do whatever you want. And at the same time, I'm here to say, if you want a fully committed relationship with someone at some point, you're going to have to make effort. And by the way, folks, let's be clear about something. Oh, by the way, this morning I got an email from a dear friend who it's roughly the one year anniversary of her and her boyfriend that met online, actually 13 months ago, they met online, great couple. I mean, I really love this couple and they just got engaged, I got the email announcement they got engaged. Can I tell you, within my circle of friends, and I'm blessed to have a pretty good community of friends, I've been to four weddings in the last three years, four weddings in the last three years from everybody who met through a dating site, of which there's still another percentage of people that are engaged out of this group and they all met online. Folks online dating, whether you like it or not, is the number one place to meet people. Whenever women say to me, where are the good men, where are the good men? Online dating is roughly where 50% of all new relationships for people over 45 years old. Actually probably millennials too, so it's probably for everyone, it's roughly 50% of all new relationship and that number is gonna be 60, 70 and 80% in the next coming years because meeting organically barely happens these days. People aren't going, and by the way, the looking for Mr. Goodbar at the night clubs isn't happening much anymore either. It's through online dating. So whether you like it or not, that's where people are meeting. You can hate it, you can love it, but I'm telling you that's where people are meeting. Unfortunately, people are putting out crappy representations of themselves in the dating realm. Let me give you an example. This is a photograph of one woman, I'm sorry, I'll hide her name. Look it, that's her first photograph. Here's another one, I'll hide her name. First photograph, here's another one. First photograph, I mean, and here's another, here's another one, her and a guy. That's her first photograph on the dating app. Here's another one, first photograph on the dating app. And lastly, look at this one, first photograph on the dating app. I mean, this is what, and by the way, women or ladies, let me just say this, men are just as bad. But garbage in, garbage out. If you're putting out garbage, you're only going to attract garbage in your life. But I'm here to say is online dating is not going away. So either learn to embrace it and how to be effective at it because it's getting progressively harder to meet people organically. I'm not suggesting it doesn't happen, it's just getting much, much harder. So anyway, thanks for your question. And my invitation for you is when you're ready, put yourself out there. And thank you for the Super Sticker, I appreciate it. Lisa says, I adore deep questions, me too. Bea says, Jonathan, I want to thank you for the book recommendations. Are you the one for me? Are you the one for me? Although dated, it just read, help me understand my choices in men. I think you're talking about the Barbara DeAngelis book. Are you the one for me? No, who's right and avoiding who's wrong? Even though you might think it's outdated, I think this is brilliant. Barbara DeAngelis is brilliant. And I highly recommend this book. So Bea, thank you so much for bringing that up. Okay. Miss Beateen, second grade says, what questions should I ask on a first date? Couple good questions. Oh, I saw the cutest little TikTok video that was, it was actually, no, it was a sponsored video of three women talking and she was talking about this guy she had a date with and she was having a really good time, really good time, really good time until she finally asked the question of a guy, what do you think about therapy? And he goes, therapy, therapy is for losers. And then the women are going, oh, what a shame. I mean, he sounded like Mr. Perfect, but the minute he said therapy is for losers, I'm here to act, I'm here direct. What personal development work have you done? What self-help work have you done? What spiritual work have you done to heal childhood wounds and traumas? I love that as a first question, but Jonathan, that'll scare a guy away. Look it, only jerks, assholes, controlling people get offended by that. Actually emotionally mature people go, that's an interesting question. You know, I haven't really thought of it, you know? So my invitation is to go deeper than the surface. Now, I'm gonna share one last thing here because this is my first date request from women. I'm gonna share this with everybody. I've shared this before, I'm gonna share it again. If you haven't seen this meme I posted before, here, let me put it on this side here. It says, I hate small talk. I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood. What keeps you up at night? Your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know, what's up? My favorite meme. So coming back to your question, I think I gave you a mouthful right there. So thanks so much, Ms. Second-Grader. All right, we're gonna take one more. By the way, if you have a question of me personally, write the word personal question. If you have any personal question to ask of me, write the word personal question, post it because I'm gonna spend the last few minutes talking about that. But I'm gonna take Nicole's question before that. So again, personal question and then ask me a personal question. So Nicole writes, question, what are your top three tips for good bio on a dating app? Jonathan, you are Mr. Sparkle. Thank you. Tips. First off, tip number one, never start a sentence with I. Never start a sentence with I. I've seen so many profiles. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, every sentence is I. By the way, psychologically speaking, that comes across as narcissism, whether it was intended or not. So tip number one, never start sentence with I. You could simply start a sentence while personally speaking, that way you're not starting with an I. You could say personally speaking. So that's tip number one. Number two, put something juicy in there. Something like, instead of saying I like restaurants and traveling and walks on the beach holding hands, if you say a restaurant, then tell them your favorite restaurant is Mastros because they have this great sizzling mushroom dish that I just can't, I look forward to. You know, so make it more juicy and delicious. Make it more, not the food aspect of it, but be more detailed, be more effervescent, be more creative in saying I like restaurants, share a specific restaurant and why you like it. And last but not least, humor. I read one woman's profile that said, I'm the kind, she said these words, I'm the kind of girl that would get up at four in the morning to drive you to the airport. So you can catch your six a.m. flight and I'm gonna give you the biggest, gigantic wet kiss before you get on the plane. And not that that's overly humorous, but I love that sense of creativity, that sense of humor to, and actually painting a picture of what it'd be like to be with them. Humor is hugely important. We have so many sticks in the mud. Oh my God, there's so many women and men who are just a fucking stick in the mud. Part of the reason why I curse, folks, I got complaint the other day on one of my videos that it's not professional to curse. I'm here to say I curse because it's an exclamation point of humor for me. It's an exclamation point of humor for me. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea and that's okay, but this is my humor. And I like to share this content in a more effervescent humorous sense. So again, no I share details and have some humor in it. So great question. Thank you so much, Nicole. I really appreciate that. I hope that helped. All right, let's just go, I'm gonna look for those personal, if you have a personal question of me, I'm gonna go backward here to see if we have any personal question. So, Suzanne writes, personal question, what attracts you to a woman physically? Okay, great question. So I shared this in the beginning, sparkle. You know, one of the things I loved about my ex-girlfriend or love, I don't mean that path, she's past tense as my ex-girlfriend, she's still an important person in my life, but her, she just sparkles. You know, just something about that smile, eyes, shiny hair, something that demonstrates vitality, that demonstrates vigor. That's one of the first things I look for is, is she smiling? Because I gotta tell you a lot of you women, ladies, I'm sorry to say it sounds so judgmental, but even your Facebook posts are just crap. It's like, mm, like the pictures I showed you before, sparkle, smiling, bright eyes. It's a fucking sexy turn on. So everybody has it. Look at the secret to a great photograph here. Let's do a little practice on this. I hope I can do this. We're gonna do a reverse screen. I'm just gonna demonstrate a point. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So folks, all I did was chuckle. All I did was chuckle. Now my eyes are a little bit closed here, but you see what the energy that comes out from that? That is sexy. But anyway, that's what I'm attracted to. So Suzanne, thanks for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's see if there's any personal questions of me. Oh, Nicole again. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would that song be? Ba-da-bum-bum-bum-bum, ba-da-bum-bum-bum-bum, ba-da-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum, ba-da-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Sometimes I feel lost and lonely, then I find it's all been in my mind. My favorite song is You Can't Get What You Want Till You Know What You Want by Joe Jackson. So it's one of my all-time favorite songs. Actually, lately I've been listening to, on a separate note, White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane. I've been jonesing on that one lately, because I'm a Big Time Matrix fan. But anyway, that's the song, if I could listen to one song the rest of my life, because that's my anthem. But quite frankly, it probably also would be classical music, because there's no real words to it. It just would play over and over again. But again, that would be my all-time favorite. Thank you so much. All right, let's see if there's any other questions. Oh, okay, Casey writes. Personal question, have you met Coach Lucia from the Art of Love? She's another YouTuber coach based in LA. You know, she and I have connected, we've exchanged pleasantries a few times over the years, but no, I haven't connected with her. And I think I swiped right on her on a dating app once, but she didn't swipe back. So anyways, thanks for that question, Casey. Appreciate it. LKE's got a mushroom. Everyone knows how much I love psychedelic journey. So thank you for that. All right, personal question. Oh, here we go, Julia. Personal question, do you regret the rough time you went through after your divorce? Do you regret the rough time you went through after your divorce? So as much as I regret, well, I wanna be careful with the word regret. I went through the darkest, deepest, I mean, gut-wrenching period in my life from the time I got divorced for about five or six years, I was in the pit of despair on a lot of different areas of my life. And I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, but because of it. And I wasn't a really good parent to my boys. And I feel a sense of sad and remorseless over that. At the same time, listen, folks, I'm gonna tell you something. I was an arrogant asshole for a big chunk of my life. I was an arrogant asshole for a big chunk of my life. And it took having what I call a humbling event or humbling events to actually wake me up to actually appreciating the more important things in life that isn't centered around money and getting laid. So I Googled, what does humble mean? What does humble mean? And I'm gonna read it out loud. Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance. So what I mean to say is I operated from any very egoic place in my life. And it took a humbling event to help me become humble. So I have no regrets over the field of glass that I crawled through to get to where I am at today. My only sadness is I wasn't a good parent during that time. And I didn't get to appreciate. And the other thing is I really wish smartphones were invented then because I would have taken a gazillion pictures of my boys back then when there were babies and youngsters. It came out later, but I wish we had smartphones then. So, Julia, thank you so much for that question. I hope I answered that for you, I really appreciate it. All right. All right, Nicole says, question, how do you know if you met the right person? I think you know it when you ask them to marry you. That's how you know you met the right person. When you, and not on the first, second, or third date you ask them to marry you, I'm talking about this is, you know it's the right person when you wanna marry them or you wanna live with them or you wanna spend the rest of your life. That's when you know it's the right person. You don't know it on the first, second, or third date. That's all bullshit. You may have enthusiasm for someone on a first, second, or third date, but you don't know if you're gonna go the distance with them on the first, second, or third date. So anyway, that's my answer to that. And we're gonna take one more question after I respond to my Pilates instructor who says, let's go for a jacuzzi. All right. Roller girl says, you have grown then, Jonathan. Thank you so much. All right, looks like there's no, oh yeah, this will be the last one of the day. Alicia says, question. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship and what tips do you offer to keep it going? Thanks, Jonathan, super live chat. Thank you so much. So I've been in many long distance. Let me reframe that. I haven't, well, it depends on what we define long distance. My most significant relationship, we live 30 miles away. That's a long distance in some sense. And I've had plain right away relationships that never worked out. I did a video called the seven tips for surviving a long distance relationship. I just shot that within the last 30 days. So scroll through that and find that video. And I give you the tips to how to survive a long distance relationship there. So yes, I've done them and it requires being intentional, having a plan and not spending a lot of face to face time because men don't bond through the telephone. All right. You know, this would be a great place to wrap up for today. I hope you found value in that. He'll be obsessed with you. If you do these five things really quickly, I'll share them with you. Number one, you sparkle and shine. Number two, you're an authority in some area of your life. Number three, you're easy going and consistent. Number four, you're spontaneous and fun. And lastly, you lead with your standards and boundaries and you clearly state them. Men who are emotional grown up love these kind of women. And the men who are controlling narcissistic assholes, they just want to use you anyway and you don't want to be with those guys anyway. And if you need to learn how to vet those guys, check out the link to a free discovery call with me. Oops, I'm bleeding. I cut myself. Oh, by the way, I broke one of my favorite mugs the other day that says swear. You'll feel better mug and that's how I cut myself. All right, folks, we're going to wrap up today. If you found value in this, please share this with your friends. Really share this video. Please like this video, post a comment below. Check out the links below to a discovery call to my group coaching called a midlife love mastery to my book, what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? You can follow me on Instagram there. All right, we're going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye everyone. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, I'm going to say good night to Grace and Jennifer and Nicole and Vivian and Carolyn and Todd. Hey, man in the group. Roller girl, Natalie, Gemma, Colleen, Claire, Kelly. Everyone, big hugs to you. Have a wonderful weekend. Be well.