 Kraft presents the Great Gilda Sleeves. He-he-he... Kraft Cheese Company will also bring you Pink Crosby, every Thursday night, present each week at this time Harold Perry as the Great Gilda Sleeve written by John Whedon. Great Gilda Sleeve in just a moment. Well, Christmas is still a few days away, but I imagine in most of your homes the festivities have already started for the youngsters. Yes, with the kids on vacation, there are probably plenty of parties and occasions when friends drop in. And that calls for a well-filled cookie jar. Yes, and a big bowl of popcorn now and then. So here's a tip. For cookies that fairly melt in your mouth, try making them with parquet margarine for the shortening. You see, besides being grand for table use as a spread for bread and seasoning for hot vegetables, parquet, when used as a shortening, adds delicate extra flavor to all baked foods. Try parquet melted over popcorn too and just watch the youngsters go for it. Best of all, these Christmas treats aren't expensive when you use economical parquet. So get your holiday supply of parquet margarine tomorrow and surprise the youngsters with the best holiday cookies and popcorn they ever tasted. Just ask your dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. Friend the Great Gilder Sleeve. With December almost gone, he's been working like a beaver the past few days trying to get out the annual report of the water department. That's why we find him now in his office to sleep at nine o'clock in the morning with his head buried in the annual report and his arms sprawled across the blotter. While through his troubled dreams run thoughts of this happy holiday season. They must get at that Christmas card list, Uncle Moore. All right, Margarine. Margarine aeroplane, that's all I want for Christmas. Margarine aeroplane. I know, Leroy, I know. How about that annual report, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? Right away, Ms. Fitch. How many for Christmas dinner, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? In order till I know how many. Give me a chance, birdie. Just because I'm giving you a present, Rockmore. Now I want you to think you have to give me a present. Oh, Leroy, I almost forgot. Have you bought the tree? Tree? Have you bought the mistletoe? Wait a minute. Have you forgotten anybody? Wait! Mr. Gilder Sleeve, what do you want? We regret to inform you that federal regulations require payment for all charge purchases on a before the 10th of the month. Oh, go away. Christmas, I hate it. Oh, my goodness, what's happened? Mr. Gilder Sleeve, he's still warm. Go away, go away. Wake up! Oh, Ms. Fitch, let me see. Where were we? Afraid I dozed a little there. Dear sir, read that back to me, will you? Mr. Gilder Sleeve, it's morning. Morning? Is there anything strange about that? Only that you slept here all night. I did? I must apologize, Ms. Fitch. I'm afraid I need to shave. Oh, and the suit looks as if I'd slept in it. Oh, well, let's finish this report and get it over with, huh? But you haven't even had breakfast. Breakfast can wait for once. Will you check these figures as I read them all? Yes, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Thank you. Statement of financial status. Cash on hand, $386.52. Che. Accounts receivable, $2,873.38. Che. Interest, $139.10. Che. Marjorie, negligee, and slippers. Lila Ransom, passion flower. There must be something wrong here. I think there must. Yes, I guess I must have got the thinking about something else during the night. Silly, wasn't it? Yes. Oh, perhaps I should explain, Ms. Fitch. I was thinking about my Christmas list. So I assumed. Yes. Perhaps I should explain further, Ms. Fitch. Passion flower is the name of a perfume. I know. I use it exclusively myself. Oh, maybe I better give it a little more thought then. You know, Ms. Fitch, I had the most awful dream last night. I don't wonder. Yes, I dreamed that I hadn't done a bit of Christmas shopping, which I haven't. But I also dreamed that it was the day before Christmas. I want to tell you I was frantic. Mr. Gildersleeve, I don't want to spoil your dream, but it is the day before Christmas. What? It can't be. But it is. What happened to all those other days? There's a whole week I've lost track of. You've been working too hard. You've been going around here in a fall. Oh, but I haven't bought a single present. I haven't had breakfast. I haven't even had a shave. This is really going to be one of my bad days. Come right in, Mr. Gildersleeve. You're next. No waiting. Good morning, Floyd. Gee, Mr. Gildersleeve, you look like the grapes of wrath. Yes, I had a hard night last night, Floyd. What happened? Did you run into some friends? No, no, I worked all night at the office. That's what they all say. I told you, Floyd, I worked all night at the office. OK, OK. You worked all night at the office. I haven't had any breakfast either. Let's skip the conversation and make it a quick shave. All right, Mr. Gildersleeve, that's the way you want it. That's the way it'll be. This is one place where the customer is always right. That's fine. If a man comes in here and doesn't feel like talking, that's all right with me. I can take a hint. One thing I know how to do is hold my tongue. I'm not like some barbers who go into their shop and they talk your ear off from the time you get into the chair to the time you get out of it. Good. I want people to feel they can come in here and just relax and not have to listen to a whole lot of stuff. Right. Not that I haven't got my troubles like everybody else, but I keep them to myself. Good. Now, like last night, I came home after a long day and my wife had dinner waiting for me, ham, hocks, and sauerkraut. So we had that and some apple pie. And after dinner, I took off my shoes and turned on the radio. I was just getting comfortable and my wife's sister called up. And what do you think she wants? Come right over and play pinocchio. Well, if you know my wife's sister. So I said to my wife, I said, nothing doing. I said, I'm all set here. I'm comfortable. And right here is where I'm staying. I said, you couldn't move me out of here with a 10 ton truck. So we went over and played pinocchio for a while. And then, oh, come in, judge. Come in. Just finishing up with Mr. Gildishleave here. He hasn't even started on me yet. Why, I'll have you shaved in two shakes. See that you don't, brother. I thought I had time to hear Gildishleave. All right, judge. What's on your mind? I just dropped in to serve notice on you, Gildishleave, that after your recent performance, I'm not giving you any remembrance this Christmas. And please do not embarrass me by giving me any. Good day. Good day. Wait a minute. I don't know what you're talking about, Horace. I haven't seen you in a week. I've been very busy. Yeah, I'll say you've been busy. Busy over at Mrs. Ransom's. Judge, I haven't even had time. Don't deny it. The minute I told you I'd bought a ring, you went scurrying over there to try to cut me out. Was that the act of a friend? Well, judge, the best laid plans of mice and men gang after clay. That's scotch. What's the matter? Did she turn you down? Wouldn't you like to think so? Well, she didn't. She merely asked for time to consider. It's the same thing. If she considers it, she won't do it. When is she giving you her answer, judge? Soon as she gets back from Savannah? Savannah? Now, that'll show you how innocent I am, judge. I didn't even know she was going to Savannah. Now, don't try to give me that. You know as well as I do that she's going home to see her brother. On my word, judge, I told you I'd been busy. This week, I haven't seen anybody. I don't know what your game is, Gildy, but this time it isn't going to work. I know all about Leela's plans, and I intend to be out at that airport today at 12 sharp to see her off. So do I, judge, and thanks for the tip. 12 o'clock at the airport, is it? If it hadn't been for you, I might have missed saying goodbye to her. Gilder Sleeve, I've borne a lot from you, but this is the last straw. You now placed me in the unpleasant position of having to ask you hereafter to do me the favor not to speak to me. Oh, anything for a friend, judge. You know that. Floyd? Merry Christmas. Bye, judge. Same to you. Floyd, get going. I got a lot of ground to cover between now and Christmas. I wonder if I'm in time. I wonder if she's left yet. Leela, have you left yet? Well, of all people, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Leela, why didn't you tell me you were going away? I didn't suppose you'd care whether I came or went after the way you treated me last Saturday. I can explain that, Leela. You see? Please, don't bother. I'm hardly in the habit of having gentlemen run out on me without so much as to buy your leave. Leela, let's talk this over. Aren't you going to invite me in? Well, if you're going to break my door, Dan, I suppose I'll have to. But I'm leaving right away. I've got all my bags packed, and I'm expecting a gentleman to call for me any minute. I know. Hooker. I'm not saying who it is, but he's more of a gentleman than you are. Leela, about last Saturday, a birdie came back unexpectedly, and I had to go down to the station to meet her. Did you ever come back? But Leela. Did I ever hear a word from you all week? But I haven't had a minute. I've had to get out the annual report of the water department. And if you know what that means. I know what it means. It means you came off of your old waterworks than you do for me. All I can do. A Christmas present. You see? It's got Santa Claus on it. You see? He's waving to you. Go on, wave to Leela, Santa. Oh, Throckmorton, you're such a fool. And you didn't forget, did you? Forget? How could I forget? After what happened the last time I saw you? What happened, Throckmorton? Don't you remember? I wanted to see whether you remember. By George, if there were any mistletoe around here, I'd show you whether I remember or not. You have to have mistletoe. Don't go to Savannah. It's not patriotic to travel now. Oh, but I have to, Throckmorton. My only brother, Marvin, is leaving for the Navy. Oh. Throckmorton's coming to the airport with us. Yeah. I'm afraid there won't be room in mine. Tell the judge we wouldn't think of crowding him, Leela. You can come with me and he can take the bags. Oh, yeah? Well, you tell Gellersley for me. No, it's nonsense. Now we can all ride in one car. We'll put the bags in back and all ride in the front seat. Leela, you either overestimate my seat or you underestimate Gellersley. All right, let him take the bags up front with him. You and I are riding back, Leela. Oh, no. Throckmorton gets to carry the suitcase and the hat box, and Horace gets the overnight case. Throckmorton gets everything. See, don't forget your present, Leela. Oh gracious, Throckmorton's present. Pick it up when you come with the judge. This thing? Be careful of that hooker. Come on. Come on. The plane leaves in half an hour. There's a board, Leela. That's you, Leela. That's your plane. Oh, my goodness. I'm so excited. You know, I've never been in a flying machine before in my life. I've got a good notion to come with you, Leela. Oh, I wish you could. Yeah. I think I'll stow away on the plane. I'll bet you would, too, Throckmorton. That blimp? There isn't room to stow him away on the B-19. Boys, boys, this is Christmas Eve. Peace on Earth. Goodwill told me. Well, he started it. I don't care who started it. I want you both to promise me one thing before I go. What's that? Promise me you'll both be friends while I'm gone. Come on now. Shake hands. Shake hands, Throckmorton. Come on. Well, all right. That's better. Now you write to me every day, you hear? I will, Leela. All right, twice a day. So will I. No, you won't. I will, too. You're so impulsive, you boys. I want you to do me another faith. Anything you say, Leela. I want you both to spend Christmas together, just thinking about me. Mrs. Ransom. Yes? They're holding the plane for you. For me? Oh, how nice. I'll be right along. Oh, nice. Handsome in his uniform and all. I wonder if he's going, too. Goodbye, Leela. Oh, goodbye, Throckmorton. I'll be waiting for your answer, Leela. Goodbye. And don't you dare open your present till Christmas, you hear? Mrs. Ransom, the plane is waiting. Oh, my goodness. I didn't thought you'd command here. I hardly know what I'm doing. Just come with me, please. With you? Oh, you know, Captain, this is my first trip out of my mission. Captain, I'll bet he's not even a sergeant. Have a pleasant trip, Leela. Yes, she will. She'll soon be 5,000 feet in the air. Yeah, that's right. Oh, dearie, me. Oh, isn't that too bad? Something I forgot to give her. Huh? Your Christmas present for Leela I'm still carrying. The Gilder Sleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds. Nowadays, it's really a homemaker's duty to see that her family gets the right kind of foods. Yes, and it's just as much her duty to keep her food budget in line. Well, there's one important food that helps you do both these jobs. And that food is economical parquet margarine, the delicious, nutritious spread for bread made by crab. Parquet margarine is one of the kinds of foods that our government recommends for good nutrition. That's because it's so wholesome and nourishing. Actually, parquet is one of the best energy foods you can serve. What's more, every pound of parquet margarine contains 9,000 units of vitamin A, making it a really dependable source of this important vitamin the year round. Economical parquet, you know, is widely known as the margarine that tastes so deliciously good. So why not start serving it to your family tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow, sure. Ask your food dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the delicious vegetable margarine made by crab. Let's see what's happened to the Great Gilder Sleeve. After a frantic three-hour battle in Hogan Brothers' department store, he bursts out of the store with his arms full of bundles and his hat over his ears. Christmas. There ought to be a law against Christmas. Oh, there, Gilder Sleeve. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Dr. Pettybone. If you see anything to matter with me, please keep it to yourself for that for the holidays. But you're looking fine, old man. I was going to remark on it. Oh, do you think so? Never saw you looking better. Maybe those old arteries are beginning to soften for a change. Pettybone, I'm in no mood for the humor of the dissection room. Oh, come, come, Gilder Sleeve. A cheery smile will do more for your digestion and all the epsom salts in the world. Come on, Gilder Sleeve. Let me hear you say ha-ha. Ha-ha. You can do better than that. Come on. Ha-ha-ha. That's enough now. That's fine. Just keep smiling, and your gastric juices will thank you. My goodness. Let me see now. I got a present for everybody, except Judge Hooker. That's fine. Oh, hi, George. Just beginning to feel like Christmas. Yeah. Hooker. I should break down and get Hooker a present. After what he pulled on me this afternoon, I know, but maybe he really did forget to give Lila that package. After all, this is Christmas. No time to bear a grudge. He isn't going to give me a present, though. I heard him say so. Yeah, but you can't trust him, Gilder Sleeve. He's just sneaky enough to go and do it. I couldn't give him a little present. Not a very good one. I could stop in here and get him something kind of cheap at the drug store. I think I will. Christmas just like you were. Oh, hello, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Hello, Pee-Bee. I didn't know that you were musically inclined, Pee-Bee. Well, no, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. I do find myself humming a tune occasionally when I'm alone here in the shop. Oh, you know what they say? It's music makes the world go round. Or is it love? Did you ever listen to this fellow, Crosby, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? Eh, Crosby? Oh, yes, yes. Quite a singer. One of the best. As a matter of fact, I've been compared to him once. Well, I was. Usually I like to listen to him on Thursday night. So it is Christmas, Pee-Bee. Oh, Mrs. Pee-Bee is a music lover, too. Oh, yes. As a matter of fact, one of the things I'm giving her for Christmas is an album of records. A collection by John Philip Suzer. He happened to be playing at the steel pier when we were on our honeymoon. Oh. Well, between Crosby and Suzer, you can't go wrong. Hey, maybe you can help me out, Pee-Bee. I came here to find a Christmas present. Oh, something for a friend? Well, I don't know that he's a friend, but I gotta get him something. Well, I dare say we can find something suitable, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Now, let's see. He doesn't have to be too suitable. Well, what sort of thing does your friend like? Maybe he doesn't even have to like it. It just has to be a present. Well, it makes it rather difficult. If you could give me some idea. Well, I'll tell you. I'm buying it for Judge Hooker. Judge Hooker? Well, it's a small world, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Oh, is it, Pee-Bee? Would you believe it? Judge Hooker was in here not over an hour ago, selecting a present for you. Oh. So this is the kind of place he comes to buy me presents, is it? I think you have a pleasant surprise in store for you, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. This gift is not the sort of thing you'd expect to find in a drugstore. I'd like to know anything you wouldn't expect to find in a drugstore. Tell me, Pee-Bee, what did he buy me? Oh, well, I'm afraid I couldn't tell you that, professional ethics, you know. But I want to know how good a present to buy him. At least you can tell me how much it cost. No. But I believe I can say, without betraying any confidence, that it was under $5. Good. Now we're getting someplace. What have you got for an old goat that costs less than $5? Well, I've got a special on a fountain pen set here. Huh? You see, it says, double-barreled, self-filling, iridium point, streamlined blue side case, special patented clip, indestructible, guaranteed to last to eternity. Is it any good? It's all right. You can't expect everything for $3.98. Yes. You say it's guaranteed to last to eternity. Well, how long is that? Ten years? Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Five years? Well, if you don't drop it. Of course, if you don't care for the fountain pen, I have other things. I have an eight-day clock here, but the thing about that is... I know. You have to wind it too often. Now, I'll take the fountain pen. It may not last forever, but neither will Hooker. I suppose you'd like it wrapped as a gift. What does that mean? Take the price tag off. Oh, yeah, wait a minute. Does this pen cost more than the present? The judge is giving me or less? Well, the pen is slightly more expensive. Then leave the tag on it. I'll just take it as it is. Charge that, will you, Pee-Vee? Hogan Brothers got all my money. Well, grab two more together, Steve. I hope you'll have a merry Christmas. Oh, same to you, Pee-Vee, and the same to Mrs. Pee-Vee. Maybe it's this green bulb that's making the trouble. It do look a little tired. Why don't you unscrew the bulb and stick the screwdriver in there? Oh, never do that, my boy. You blow out every fuse in the house. Besides, you can get a nasty shock that way. Well, that's what the electrician did when he fixed the lights last year. I saw him. Well, those electrician fellows are immune to electricity. Let me have that other bulb there, will you, Birdie? Yes, sir. You know, Mr. Gale, Steve, when my vacuum cleaner starts acting up, I've got a sure cure for it. Well, the vacuum cleaner is not like a light circuit, Birdie. Well, maybe not, but to me, all of them electrical things is about the same. Goes in there and comes out here, and you'd better stay out of the way. Well, the trouble here doesn't appear to be the green bulb. What is your cure, Birdie? Well, sir, I pull the plug out, and I turn it around, and I shake the bag three times and put the plug back. It ain't never failed yet. Well, we've applied everything else. Yes, I can remember when we didn't bother with these electrical gadgets on Christmas trees. We just used candles. Set the house on fire every year, but it was a lot simpler. Let's try your system, Birdie. All right. That's exactly right. Now, pull the plug. Turn off all the other lights and see how it looks. Isn't it, Uncle Moore? Yes, it is. It's lovely. That's the prettiest tree I ever saw in my life. Reminds me of the World's Fair. Well, it's not as big a tree as we've had other years. And you think of all the people who aren't going to have any Christmas tree at all this year. You know what gets me? Every year, Uncle Moore says, Well, don't expect much this year, kid. We're going to have to cut down and just have a very small Christmas. I know. That every year seems like there's more presents than ever. Oh, Uncle Moore, you've been so good to us. You've been like Santa Claus and Daddy and our favorite uncle. All rolled into one. Yeah, you were swell, Uncle. No, no. I made some of them Christmas cookies special for you, Mr. Guilford. You shall I bring them in? Well, I can't think of a better time for Christmas cookies than right now, Bertie. I'll go get them. Yeah, cookies. I think I'm going to like this Christmas. Hey, Aunt, can we open just one present? Can we, huh? Well, don't you think you ought to wait till Christmas, my boy? Oh, but you always let us open just one. I'll pick a little one. Well, all right. Just a little one. Come on, Marge. You pick one of yours, and I'll pick one of mine. Now, let's see what you got first. Not what you needed, maybe, but what the country needed. I know it may be something of a disappointment to you. No, it's not a model P-47 with a motor in it. Well, it may mean that somebody else will get a real P-47 with a real motor in it. You have to think of that, my boy. Yeah, I just wish I was the fellow who's going to fly it. That's all. Open yours, Marge. Let's see what you got. I think I know. Is it, Uncle Mort? Well, you open it and see. You remembered. What you got there, Miss Marge? Every year he gives me one. Listen. Yeah? I love music boxes, and I love Christmas. Merry Christmas, Uncle Mort. Who's that? I'll go, maybe it's Santa Claus. Marjorie? Merry Christmas, Judge. Would you be good enough to ask your uncle Marjorie whether he's in? Ask the judge whether he's blind. Oh, so that's your attitude. Well, you may recall, Throckmorton, that we gave a certain lady our promise that during her absence, we would be friends. Yes, I recall it vaguely. Well, I, for one, am a man of my word. Is customary for friends to exchange tokens this holiday season? For that reason, and for no other, I have brought you a slight gift. Here. Oh. Well, now that you mention it, I have one for you. There. Throckmorton. You old son of a gun. Yeah. Horace, you old goat, you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. By George, now it is a merry Christmas. Throckmorton, what do you say we open each other's presents, huh? Huh? Okay, let's do it. I just can't wait. Oh. That everlasting clown, then. Ooh, that eight-day clock. I think Brother Peavey unloaded something on us. Well, now I wouldn't say that. On behalf of the Kraft Cheese Company and the cast of our program, I'd like to wish all of our listeners a very merry Christmas and the happiest possible new year. There are many of us for whom it will be difficult to be married as Christmas, with loved ones far away and families divided, but let's try to keep up the Christmas tradition for the sake of the men who are fighting to preserve it. And to those men also fighting in foxholes and slit trenches on the sea and in the air, northeast, south and west, we also send our Christmas good wishes. God bless you all. Good night, everybody. For the Kraft Cheese and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Yielders League. The macaroni and cheese will get a thrill out of the new-fashioned way of making this grand dish with Kraft Dinner. A package of Kraft Dinner contains special macaroni which cooks up fluffy and tender in just seven minutes. And the Kraft Dinner package also contains some Kraft grated which supplies the grand cheese flavor. You just boil the Kraft Dinner macaroni for seven minutes, drain it, and stir in the Kraft grated. Your macaroni and cheese is ready to serve. Now because Kraft Dinner is so simple to make, so good and so economical, it has become tremendously popular throughout the country. So popular, in fact, that sometime a dealer's supply is exhausted by the end of the week. You can help your dealer and yourself too by ordering Kraft Dinner early in the week. Then you'll have it on the pantry shelf, ready for grand macaroni and cheese you cook in seven minutes. Let's program.