 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Today our topic, this makes him think, I hope I don't lose her. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group, I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to join my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery. Let's talk about this makes him think, I hope I don't lose her. Ending up the thumbnail for the picture here. So it's interesting, I was reading some articles about how to show a man you really care, how to show a man you really care. And first off, let me just say this, ladies, this isn't a singular thing because men should be thinking the same thing. Men should be thinking, how can I make her feel like she is the one? How can I make her feel good? What can I do to make this relationship even better? That would be the ideal situation. Now I'm a big believer of leading by example, certainly setting your standards right from the get go and making sure you have boundaries and also leading by example. So coming back to what I was sharing a moment ago about reading some articles about how to make your man happy and such like that, I came across the 1950s good housekeeping article that talked about how to be a good wife, how to be a good wife. Now let me just say this, it turned out that this was a fake. It didn't actually exist. But I want to share with you a couple of things that was listed here because I thought it was kind of interesting. So it said here, have dinner ready for him, plan ahead, prepare yourself, take 15 minutes to rest and put on your nice makeup and make yourself look pretty. And here's the one that says be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day made need a lift. So give him a lift up, clear away the clutter. Obviously this is for a married couple. Minimize all the noise, be happy when you see them, greet him with a warm smile. And while those are all very good things to do in relationship, as I started this conversation, it seems that the old patriarchal way, which was kind of more the one up, one down, men were here and a woman was here kind of thing. I say the old patriarchal way, there are many people that still desire that. Certainly there's men that desire that. There's women that would prefer to be in a one up, one down situation. I'm more of looking at a relationship from a partnership perspective, from the perspective of seeing it as a two lane street, as two people mutually making effort together. Mutually making effort together. This starts from the very first date. And yet sadly, the dating process these days is a crap. I mean, it's a S show. I don't curse on my weekend videos, so instead of saying S-H-I-T, I'm spelling the words but not saying it. And that's what it is, S-H-I-T show out there. Now that sounds kind of crass and that sounds kind of mean maybe for me to share that. I'm being realistic, I'm being realistic. The fantasy way that relationship advice is being given is not serving anyone. And what I mean by the fantasy is that it's a lot of prince charming kind of energy. In other words, a man is going to come claim you and all you have to do is sit in your feminine energy and that will magically work out. That's the fantasy. And also the fantasy is the unbelief that most people are genuine. Most people are authentic. Most people are honest. Most people this way. And sadly, most human beings are rather dysfunctional, rather dysfunctional. And what I mean to say is their emotional maturity and their relationship skills are rather dysfunctional. And while there's a significant percentage of the population that has clinical issues, I mean, it makes it very difficult for them to actually be in a healthy happy relationship because they experience significant trauma in their childhood or maybe in their adult life that caused them to put up walls, that caused them to put up defense mechanisms for themselves because they didn't feel loved as a child. They didn't feel loved. They didn't feel cared for or whatnot. Those are the clinical people. Most of the time, the clinical people have some also a chemical reaction going on that causes an imbalance and makes it very difficult for them to lean into a relationship. And while I say that, you know, they're 20% of the population is emotionally healthy and have good relationship skills, I'm going to say that's probably too high of a percentage. It's probably less than 10%. And then the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. Their capacity to be in a healthy happy relationship is very difficult because nobody teaches us good communication skills, particularly when there's conflict in a relationship. Most people operate from a very myopic place of it's about them and it's about winning. Most people operate. So what happens is all these defense mechanisms makes it very difficult to actually build any true intimacy with someone, true intimacy and intimacy is into me you see. And so I want you to think about the dating process, the dating process, at least the way it's sold is men come off chivalrous and they're supposed to court you and they're just supposed to do everything perfect so you can just surrender to this relationship and you'll live happily ever after. And yet sadly, that's not what's happening because there's a lack of intentionality in the dating process because we're meeting total strangers these days. We're meeting total strangers. That's part of the primary reason why there's not that same intentionality as it maybe was 50, 60 years ago and I want you to take a step back in time for a second and think about it 50, 60 years ago. Most of the time couples who met, they met in their same town, their same village, their same tribe, their workplace, there was this sense of familiarity. They knew your family, you knew their family, you knew their friends, they knew their, your friends. So when you got a chance to get together, you already knew a lot about the person. You already knew a lot about the person. Or at least you felt safe because there was degree, enough degrees of separation, but note what I mean to say, not a lot of, there was almost no degrees of separation. You literally felt safe because you knew their community and they knew your community. So the challenge with dating today is the under, is really about how to get to know another human being. How to genuinely get to know them at a heart-centered level. You know, it's interesting in a video I did just a few days ago, I mentioned how many people have sex together on the third, fourth, fifth date, no matter whenever it happens, but they don't know the person's favorite color. Sometimes they don't know the person's backstory. Sometimes they don't even know the person's last name. I know a lot of last names in my phone are Bumble, Hinge, Match.com, OKCupid, just to say them, just to give you some idea out there. By the way, my coffee mug says, Ignorance is Blessed. It's a podcast I did a while ago. Lot of fun on that podcast. By the way, my t-shirt says, I was taught to think before I act. So if I smacked the SHIT out of you, the rest assured I've thought about it and I'm comfortable in the decision. You know, I thought this was a cute shirt. As you notice in my weekend videos, I've been mixing it up with these. I'll be candid with you. I don't know if this is true because I do find that I'm a human like anyone else where I can get reactive and I can get defensive and oftentimes I don't think before I speak. So there is a little bit of non-truth with this shirt that I'm wearing. And most of the time, I am actually leaning in as far as my videos for you. It's all about leaning into the wake-up call, to shift perspective, how to be better in relationship, how to improve oneself. And by the way, I'm going to share with you in a few minutes four things that relates to this topic. How to make it so he hopes he never loses you. So I'm sorry I got off track on this. Really quickly though, I really want to encourage everyone, everyone to read this book Emotional Intimacy. It's a little bit thick, if you will. What I mean to say, it's not an easy read. Why I'm sharing this with you, coming back full circle to what I was talking about. Is that relationships are dysfunctional because a lack of intimacy. And as I said a moment ago, intimacy, into me you see. Really getting to know the person at a heart-centered level. And as I shared before, it's very difficult because we're meeting total strangers which requires asking way better questions in the early states of dating, mating, or relating. I know it's so critically important to get a sense, is this person on the same page with me? And if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me because my whole coaching practice is to teach you how to ask better questions based on your personality, based on your personality. So it's specific to you and how to ask those questions so you know whether or not you're wasting time with the wrong person and inviting in the right person in your life. And I will say this. Intimacy is the most important facet to building that kind of relationship that you say, I hope, you know, the guy is saying I hope I don't lose her, I hope I don't lose her, I hope I don't lose her. It requires going deeper than the surface and it requires this understanding and I'm about to share next is critically important because relationships are built on trust, built on trust. It's not about trust whether or not they're going to be unfaithful or really I want to focus on the idea of trust is not about the idea if they're going to leave you for someone else or leave you because real trust is the space of going of feeling like this is so critically important feeling like if you're not feeling good, I'm not feeling good. If I'm not feeling good, you're not feeling good. In other words, your needs matter to me and my needs matter to you. I'm going to repeat that your needs matter to me. So if you're not feeling well, I'm not feeling well. If you're feeling happy, I'm feeling happy. That's what trust in a relationship is all about is building that space of the other person's needs matter to you and vice versa. It's so critically important and a lot of times it's very one-sided. A woman will care more about a man's needs than the other way around. And I think it's because women tend to be more nurturing in this area more so than men. So what I'm about to share next, I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful that it's a two-lane street for you. In other words, the both of you are operating from this place. So getting to that space of where he operates from, I hope I never lose her. I put together my list for you here, but I want to share this with you. And I think these are four things that will truly help your relationship. And again, leading by example. So number one, is the recognition to say thank you or I appreciate you every time he or she makes effort to do something nice for you or for your future together. Knowing someone is grateful for you never gets old. Now, I want to share something before I go into too deep on this, is that there's men have a very difficult time receiving love. We really do. I think women have a slightly easier time receiving love. I will say, I think it's because men are taught to stuff their emotions, stuff their feelings, the very young age. So it makes it difficult for them to receive love. And this is why I encourage you to reinforce this appreciation. I appreciate you. Thank you, saying it for the little things as well as the big things. And by the way, men should be doing this for you as well, because ultimately, a lot of people think what makes a man hope he never loses her. By the way, that does sound very fear-based. Let me just say that sounds fear-based. I'm not operating from a place of fear. I'm really thinking this from a place of appreciation. Appreciation, I appreciate you so much, I hope I never lose you. Not from a, I'm afraid I lose you to someone else. It's just, that's the peace when there's mutual appreciation. You really hope you don't lose that person to the ultimate loss of all. And that's life itself. And you hope you keep them in your life for as long as you can. And several of the things I'm about to share will prepare you for that. So number two on my list is find out his love language or find out each other's love language. The easiest way for some people to feel loved in specific ways is their love language. And if you're not familiar with the book, The Five Long Languages, I realized I didn't pull it out, is there's words of affirmation, or for us, Leo's, it's words of adoration, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. Find out what his love language is. If it's acts of service, then start thinking of ways you can do little things for him. If it's gifts, then find, buy little trinkets and little things. Because it doesn't have to be about big things. If it's quality time, then make sure that your life isn't so busy that you create time for the relationship. Or if it's physical touch, which most men have physical touches, number one, two, or three, so do women. Physical touch is critically important. And words, again, if you're with this Leo, you can't say enough words of not appreciation, but adoration, or it's words of affirmation. I'm gonna say for us, Leo's, it's words of adoration. So make sure you find out each other's love language and you're expressing it to each other regularly. Number three, this is critically important. When fighting, always remember to come from a place of being on the same team. As your partner, remember that you wanna come together to figure out what would be the best for both of you. If one wins, then you both lose, okay? It's so critically important to learn really good communication skills and your relationship. And I highly recommend checking out the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, there's a link below to all Jonathan recommends books. Learning how to communicate your boundaries and your standards in a way that's seen, heard, and understood. And certainly learning how to express oneself in a healthy way. So helps when there's conflict, because when you operate from a place of how can we win, this is what happens. If you operate from the place of how do I win, this is what happens. So learning how to what I call fight fair. And lastly, showing a man respect by asking his advice. This is when you ask a man his advice about something in your life. In other words, something in your life that would make a difference. You need some, not that you need the help, but when your partner can help you with an area in your life that's struggling, that allows the man to be in this empowered state. And men really do appreciate, they really do. They feel respected when you seek their counsel. They feel respected. It's one of the highest honors you can give to a man is to seek his counsel. And so this will help him bond you to you and feel a sense of appreciation. And as I said earlier, this should be a two lane streak together, two lane street. And if you want to create that two lane street relationship, I highly recommend checking out this book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis, How to Make Love All the Time. Because the content in this book is going to build that kind of relationship that he hopes, I hope I never lose her because I appreciate her so much. I want her in my life for as long as I can possibly have her. And I want you to feel the same way about him. So this is a mutual effort on both sides. So if you want to get to that space, it's going to require doing a lot of heavy lifting ahead of time. I know you don't like this. I know most of you just have this fantasy that everything should just magically work out. Well, if that were really true, why is the divorce rate over 50% here in the United States? And why is the other half of couples who are married miserable? It's because they don't put any effort into genuinely, genuinely building that intimacy with each other, that real deep into me you see that emotional safety that says, I want this person for my rest of my life because I appreciate them. All right, I think I made my point here. I hope you found value in this video. Please post a comment below if you have something to share. I do my best to read them off. If you want to talk about my shirt or my coffee mug, ignorance is blessed. I'd really appreciate it. If you find value again, please share this with your friends. Please hit that like button. Check out all the links below. And if you want to schedule a call with me, there's a link below as well. Or join my private group, there's a link below as well. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I'm going to give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Bear hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's OK. I'm going to ask you to turn to a pet, a friend, a pet, a pillow, a teddy bear. Oh, I already forgot my own line and I don't have my teddy bear with me because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.