 We humans don't seek perfection. We seek psychological comfort, number one. But number two, we seek validation. Validation is something as simple as, oh, you know what, that's a good point. And that means so much to me that you would say that, even though you may disagree with it. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Every person that you talk to, you talk to them differently because each person interacts with the world differently. You know, Johnny, in many ways, you're like my sister, Terry, and I love her. She comes into a room and she's talking to everybody and she engages everybody, you know? And I'm kind of shy. I go from one person to the other and so forth, but she can engage a whole room. And people love to be around her and so forth. And we have to learn that each person talks differently, interacts differently, has different comfort levels, our spatial differences, the cadence at which we communicate, the energy of, you know, if I'm talking about this, if you're talking about music, you're gonna talk about it with a certain energy. Like earlier, we were talking about jazz, you know? And you're arching your eyebrows, so those are the exclamation points and you're excited about it. Each person, we have to learn that there's a benefit to talking to each one, engaging that energy on a similar plane. You know, I always say, synchrony is harmony and if we can achieve that, you know, if you wanna have a quiet moment with me, we're gonna have a quiet moment. And if we're gonna, you know, get excited about something, then let's get excited. But to observe, you know, to detect that, you have to be able to observe it. And I think that's where you guys shine is that you can observe, hey, this person's personality. And I'm sure you see it, you know, when you're doing your live instruction and as you call people up, oh, this person, you know, he's shy, he needs to be brought up or oh boy, you know, this is Mr. Theatrical or, you know, whatever. But that's one of the things that I wish was taught more often, especially now, you know, where we have more, we have more executives, frankly, more leaders who are on the autism spectrum. And I know a few of them and they have, they're mild on that, but you have to approach them differently. You have to talk to them differently. Oh yeah. And if we don't learn that, if we don't learn to have that respect and also be aware of culture, that we're harming ourselves. Because in the end, that's who we're harming. We're not harming other people. We're really harming ourselves, yeah. Well, I love that you brought that up because that's what we mean by the art of it. Everyone would love just one page, one sheet, crack the code. How do I instantly build rapport with someone? How do I make them a lifelong friend? And it's the art of it. It's understanding, hey, what are they not sharing about their college experience? What did they do when they looked away when you brought up jazz? Was there discomfort there? Maybe they're unfamiliar with it. You know, that level of observation and curiosity is really what fuels these exceptional communicators leading to this third trade of understanding that everyone wants to be valued. Everyone wants to be validated and feel heard. And if you're not observing, you're not gonna be an exceptional communicator. We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. So valuable that point that we humans don't seek perfection. We seek psychological comfort, number one, but number two, we seek validation. And validation, I know you know this, Johnny. Validation is something as simple as, oh, you know what, that's a good point. And that means so much to me that you would say that. Even though you may disagree with it, when I look at failure to validate, especially intentional, when I see managers who fail to validate people, who absolutely, I just read a book on Humphrey Bogart. And I wanted to see, let me say, Joe Navarro, body language guy, what's he doing? I wanted to see what it was like when the old studio system existed. These guys would sign up literally for seven year contracts. Humphrey Bogart had a 15 year contract with, that's one, what, one fifth of your life in those days. And you know, they're signing their lives away, but what did they want the most? They wanted validation. They wanted to be validated and we forget the importance of it. They had money, but it was, if you asked these old stars, what did you really value, you know, for a studio executive to say, hey, you know, you're helping us make 56 movies a year, and we want to thank you for that. I love this. In our classes, we talk about the value that you're giving in any social situation and in an interaction. And the value we define value is attention, approval, and acceptance, which is, it's a very simple thing, but we all crave it. And you mentioned, and I love this term, I'm gonna have to steal it, but it's the failure to validate and the consequences of that failure to validate. And this is what's great about it. Everyone is so worried in interactions. I think it's easy to think about how do I get something out of this for myself, which makes then every interaction increasingly difficult because you're asking for something and you're trying to get something rather than focusing on the other person. And we've always said the answer is for every one of your questions in the interaction or in the other person, so you need to be present and focusing on them with your listening skills. And I just love that because, and you stated it, validation is such a simple thing, but it has such a profound effect on how the other person feels about hanging out with you, about spending time with you. And I wanna unpack one thing you shared there, Joe, because this is so key and this is a misconception that many in our audience and our clients have around validation. You can validate without agreeing. Oh, yeah. That's a great point. I've never thought of that. That doesn't mean you agree with the direction they're going. And I stumbled across one of your recent articles promoting the book around this exact thing that it's important whether you're interrogating someone or you're just trying to build a friendship that we're not in this constant disagreement and I'm right, you're wrong. Actually valuing someone else's opinion and then shifting to your opinion is far more effective than telling someone you're wrong, shutting them down, proving to them all the ways that they haven't thought through something. But that nuance is lost on many people when they hear validation. They hear, oh, I have to be a people pleaser. I just have to be really agreeable. I have to sacrifice my own wants, needs and desires to make other people like me. And that's just not true. That's not what we mean by validation. You're both exactly right. And in fact, that article, the lead author on that was my business partner Anna Marcia out because she runs into this in her business in Europe. And it's true. People think that validation means acquiescence, that if you validate others, then you're basically becoming their chew toy. No, no, you're not. When you validate others, it is the ethical thing to do. They have a point. We listen to their point. We try to understand their perspective. And I've done this. I've sat next to criminals who have done really bad things and they're explaining things, okay? I am validating what they are saying. Yes, I can see that. Okay, that was a bad mistake. I understand that. But that doesn't mean I yield. That doesn't mean I, at the end of it all, I say, yeah, but you're still going to jail. But you're not. Because it's not. Great points, I get it. Those are great points. And I think a trial, I mean, I've literally said this maybe 10 or 12 times over my career is I said, you know, I think a trial, those might be useful points for you to make. But you're still going to prison. Because society just frowns upon bank robberies. So, you know, validation is, what you don't realize is the power of validation that by listening to others, that especially in relationships and in the workplace, your children come to you, they acclaim, I did this, okay? You give them that validation that that's really interesting. How did you do that, right? So the first, a lot of times you, you know, they come in and say, hey, I built this fort. Oh, good boy. And then off they go. That's really not validation. Here's what validation sounds like. How did you do that? So by yourself, you gathered up these things and you know, the twigs and the sand and you made this castle. How did you put that in your mind? How did you put that together, right? Now we're now we're validating because we're using that sweet component called benign curiosity, okay? So now we're making this person, we're elevating this person. Yeah, but we're elevating ourselves. We're elevating ourselves because that person grows to trust us.