 We invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Sy Howard and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. A year ago when Luigi Basco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventure. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Basco in Italy. Dear Mamma Mia, weather here in the Chicago is very nice now. All over I'm going to see signs of a spring. One of the biggest signs is to say, spring is a here, so get for you five a thousand a mile to check up. Of course, if this is not the main of me. Since I'm in America, I'm not the walker five thousand a mile. But even the door of weather is a beautiful. I'm not going to enjoy too much because of my landlord Pasquale. He's got the one bad habit. Every month he's asking for the rent. But I'm got a bad habit too, Mama Mia. Every month I'm not going to pay it. Maybe I should have changed my business. Last week I'm going to have a good chance, but I'm not to take advantage. Fell on the street, he's a walk up to me and he's a say, Hey, Bob, I'm gonna get a good deal for you. How do you like to buy the regular building at twenty five floors for $10? And I'm gonna tell him and not to the door and what am I going to do with so much a tuner gun? Anyway, it's a look like a trouble for me because the Pasquale is a say if I'm an old pay my four months of rent, I'm gonna have to marry his daughter, Russia. Mama Mia, that's the girl is a fact. Two weeks ago Pasquale is making me take a Rosa to a dance. It was a terrible experience. Now I know how the captain of the Queen of Mary is a feel when he's a try to steer his ship into the dark. Any harm of sitting here worrying when suddenly the door is open up and I'm a feel a cold breeze under my neck. Luigi, my friend, I love Luigi, I love, I love. Pasquale, I'm sorry if you're coming for the rent, the money, I'm a still and no got it. Rent, the rent, the rent, the money, money, money. Luigi, you think all I'm gonna think about all the time is the money? Don't answer that. Because you wrong. In fact, Luigi, today, I'm gonna change your whole life. I'm gonna open up a bank account for you for $5,000. You're gonna do this for me? But why? Because I'm gonna love you, you little punk in the head. Always you think I'm a got an interior motive. Don't you think somebody can love you just for yourself? I'm sorry Pasquale. Yeah, but Tamara, I'm opening up for you a $5,000 a joint account. Joint account? Sure. Don't you think it's all right, the Rosa should be able to use her husband's savings? For Pasquale, Rosa is not to get a husband. Hello, my son. No, no, he's a nothing at all Pasquale. Oh, Luigi, you know how I'm a feel about you. All of my life, I'm always to say, if I'm ever have a grandchild, I hope he's a look like Luigi. Well, thank you Pasquale, but that's not the possible unless I'm a married to Rosa. I accept your proposal. I didn't propose. Luigi, be sensible, a businessman. Besides, you're giving you $5,000, I'm gonna do something else for you. Every time a Rosa is to have a bambino, I'm gonna give you another $100. No, Pasquale. Oh, you want to bargain, eh? I'll write the $200 a bambino. No. $250 and that's my ceiling of pride. Pasquale, the answer is it's still enough. Luigi, don't you want to be a millionaire? Not to that the way. Pasquale, I'm ahead to her to your feelings. Your daughter, she's a finer girl, but I'm a-knowing a lover with her. You're lying to the lover. It's too much of a study. Pasquale, she's away $250. And that's a that? No, that's a fact. Luigi, she's a no fact. I'm a read and a set in a magazine that for her height and for her type of bones, Rosa is away normal at a $250. Pasquale, what's the magazine you read this in? Cattle and a beef for Gazette. I'm gonna tell you something. Luigi, all the reason you think Rosa is a fact is because of you so skinny. What? Sure. When you're looking on a Rosa, is what they call an obstacle illusion. He is so right, Pasquale. She's the biggest obstacle I've ever seen. It's a funny thing, when I'm a say that to come out of death for it. Luigi, listen to me. Here's you what the trouble is. You weigh 135 now, but if you was a way to say about 175 and if Rosa were to weigh 185, wouldn't it be so bad, eh? Pasquale is a no possible. I know. I've been thinking about this. I make a deal with you. You put on a weight, the Rosa's a take off a weight. How you like it for Rosa was to drop a 50 pounds. I'm a heck to be underneath. Just a take, Luigi. If a Rosa was to lose 51 pounds, she's away 199. You marry her, then you're gonna go around and say to everybody, my wife, she's away only 100 and something. Pasquale is a no use. I'm a no marry Rosa. All right, you little pauper. You're not gonna pay me four months to rent. You always a broker. I brought you to America. I'm gonna charge you. You know, I can send you back to Italy by reporting you to the OPA. OPA? Yes, office of a poor alien. I think I'm gonna call him up right now. No, wait up, Pasquale. Don't call the office of a poor alien. No. How's it possible I should again is so much and a Rosa should lose it so much. Oh, you're willing to listen to now, eh? Well, you live with me. I make a deal with you. I starve a Rosa. I stuff for you. Two weeks from today, you vote the way yourselves are here on a scale. If you don't put on a way and a Rosa don't take off, you don't owe me a penny rent. But if you weigh 175 and a Rosa's away 185, then you marry Rosa. So stop talking so much. You make up your mind. You make a deal with me or maybe you want. I should make a deal with OPA. What do you say, my son? Hello, Papa. This is a night school class, not a kindergarten. Now I'll call the roll. Mr. Vasco, a present. Mr. Horowitz, present. Mr. Olson, present. Mr. Schultz. I am pleased to announce that not only am I here, but I'm in attendance ready willing a neighbor. I thank you. Mr. Schultz, can't you just say that one simple word, present? Yeah. I am pleased to announce that I'm not only here, but I'm in attendance ready willing a neighbor. I thank you. Present. Oh well. Now class, Mr. Vasco, I can't believe my eyes. Are you chewing on a turkey leg? Of course, it doesn't matter, but you'll meet me. You ain't saying a word. You're crazy, Olson. He just said a mouthful. Mr. Vasco, stop it immediately. You know better than to eat in class. Why are you doing it? Well, you see, Mr. Spaulding, I'm gonna gain a 50 pounds. Him with that turkey leg must be heavy as I look. Why do you have to gain so much weight? Well, you see, Mr. Spaulding, I make a deal with the Pasquale. If in a two weeks the Rosa's will lose the weight, then I'm again the weight. And if we both the way or the most the same, then I know how to perform on the rent, then I marry Ross. Mr. Vasco, the whole thing sounds full of complication. Complications? The patient is dead. I wouldn't worry, Mr. Vasco. Putting on and taking off so much weight in two weeks is nothing short of fantastic. Still, I don't trust Pasquale, that snake in the grasshopper. Luigi, I'm gonna protect you. You tell him that in two weeks, I'm gonna be there to read that scale. It's gonna be honest. For the first time in my life, I'm not gonna use my tongue. Good for you, Schulte. I will be there, too. Thanks, Arsene. And you too, Schulte. Thanks for your help. You think I'm gonna have to marry Ross? Oh, smile, Luigi. You got nothing to worry about. You know, I once knew a couple. The wife weighed 250 pounds. The husband weighed only 75. They both went on a diet. Divide ate nothing but them chiron-reducing pills. And in two weeks, she lost 90 pounds. Schulte, so what's to happen to her husband? He disappeared completely. And now for the second act of Luigi Vasco's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Iphilis. And if so, Mamma Mia, it's now 11 a day since the Pasquale has started stuffing me with food. All day long, he's afraid of me. Eat, eat, eat. Seven meals a day, and in between the meals is more meals. Now I'm gonna know what a turkey is, I feel like, a few days before Thanksgiving. Last time I'm away myself, I see I'm again at 20 pounds. And Mamma Mia, I'm getting a little worried. Ross is starting to look good to me. Poor Ross, I'm a peria. Pasquale is starving her to death. Yesterday, she's a cry to me how hungry she is. So I'm gonna tell her, Rosa, don't be foolish. Go take a bite out of the ice box. Before I'm gonna stop her, she's in time for the handle. Pasquale, he's tried to tell me that Ross has already lost 34 pounds off of the front. But I don't know what she's losing in the front, but I think she's a finding in the back. Oh, I've been eating her so much. Hey, Luigi, what are you wasting the time of writing the letter when you're supposed to be eating? Pasquale, I'm gonna finish everything you brought to me. Oh, good. Now, let me see. What did you waste there? Four plates of spaghetti, five of pork chops, three loaves of bread, two pounds of butter, six a dozen of ravioli, and three vegetables, a mashed potatoes, a fried potatoes, and a baked potatoes. That's enough. That's enough of Pasquale. Sure, that's enough for the appetizer. Now, what else do you like to have? A doctor. Pasquale, I'm feeling sick. I can't understand the why. Maybe I should have feed you another plate of spaghetti to push you down to the pork chop. No, Pasquale, please, please. I made enough for four plates. Never say you eat enough. You'll remember ideally you've got three more days to go. Luigi, you should have seen you blushing a bride to be. She's becoming skinny like a bird. Lovely to look on. She's really a sight. That's I cannot believe. All right, Luigi, I call you. You see for yourself. Rosa. Rosa. Rosa. Look on her. I'm a look. I don't know if Pasquale, to me, is still an obstacle illusion. Apple, Luigi, you know she's skinny like a tooth to pick. Tooth to pick is more like a lumber yard. Rosa, why are you standing like a duster? Why you no laugh? Empty is a good of you. That's a vitamin E. Rosa, get your mind off of food. Go to sleep. I can't sleep. If you can't sleep, account the sheep. I'm doing all the dishes for you. You've got to stop taking about eight. Try the groom, Luigi. He's getting so nice and a fat. Don't he look good? You're a mustard and take it out of the story. She's a making me nervous. Stop with that, Rosa. You're making Luigi nervous. He's a loser weight. Look at how nice and a plump he's getting. I'm a fattening him up for you. Stop licking your chops. He's not ready yet. Oh, Pascuali, I have a pity. Give her a cracker. Just a little sunshine of biscuit. That's not the fattening. No, yesterday I'm gonna give her a little sunshine of biscuit. Today the boxes are missing. Come, Rosa, it's time for you reducing exercise. And you, Luigi, I'm gonna have some food ready for you in a few minutes to come into the restaurant. Pascuali, I'm a tank. Stop. Don't use your head too much. That's a waste of fat. Goodbye, myself. Mamma Mia. Another meal. I'm a feel like the fourth of July file a cracker just before it's like a splot. Hello, Luigi. Luigi, my fellow Google. Hello, Schultz. Hello, also. We were just passing him what you look like from a shrimp. You're becoming a blim. I know, Schultz, you think I'm a look like a pig? I don't know. Luigi, do you wake up in the middle of the night and oink? Schultz, the place is not time to joke. I'm gonna go through it. Well, excuse me now. I'm gonna go next door. Pascuali's got some more food away from her for me. I hope he's not making me eat any more potato alamode. Potato alamode? What's this? Baked a potato with a boiled potato on a top. What are we gonna do to save that honest little dumb cop? Sure, I don't know. I wish we could help him. Luigi looks sick to me. Oh, yeah, he does look sick. No, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a good idea. We're gonna get a doctor and he's gonna tell Luigi he's gonna stop eating to save his health. Schultz, what doctor is going to say a thing like that to Luigi? We're talking about a real doctor. I get lefty from the pool room. Schultz, you had a clever man. Oh, thank you, thank you, old man. Why do you think my ears are sticking out all the time? Because I got a big brain pushing them. Furthermore, I just got another idea. Tonight I'm gonna go see Rosa. That girl must be so hungry. Ask me to go walking. Well, Rosa, I just wanted to find out what you need for a wedding present. A loaf of bread, maybe? Just smell that fresh air. Makes you hungry, no? My goodness, my goodness, leave some oxygen for the rest of the night. I know how you feel, Rosa, but I agree with him. You mustn't eat a thing. Yeah, fancy a skeleton I ever seen. Excuse me, Rosa, I gotta step into my delicatessen for a minute. Come inside with me, huh? I don't think my father's gonna like this. Yeah, everything looks so tempting, but you mustn't you mustn't think about it. No. Oh, I just remembered, I gotta go back to get something from my apartment. Rosa, would you mind if you watched the storm in a... Sure, Mr. Schultz. Now remember, the Salamis is hanging over there. Oh, no. Yeah, the potatoes all in the shop deliver are dripping by the counter. Oh, no! And they can open as a laying in a box, but the beauty will sour be here. Oh, no! But remember, Rosa, don't touch a thing. Ah! Who are you? Olsen is a bringer, this is a crazy doctor and he's a telewee. He must have stopped beating. Just a second, Bob. I don't care what you say against me personally, but don't malinger the entire profession of medication and analgesics. I should, sir. You know what? This doctor is a Salma sufferer and a framer. What? An inflammation of the muscle and metabobolitis, I mean. Will you read it? That's terrible. Doctor told me. Is he gonna live? Well, only temporarily. Just make sure we don't stop reading. That's sometimes fatal. Doctor, what am I gonna do? You must disable me. Don't worry, just stop reading. Fortunately, we got a new one to draw. Pencil liniment. You see, that's twice as strong as Gyptikakis. This pencil liniment contains pure lead. Doctor, where am I gonna get this pencil liniment? I'll give you a prescription. Have it filled in any stationary stirrer. It's a good thing you come, doctor. Pascuali, I'm not gonna eat to no more. I'm going on a hunger strike. Listen, little man, are you gonna eat to the gain away till you bust? Are you gonna marry my rosa? Besides, I'm gonna believe that this man is a doctor. I'm gonna take his effect. Oh, yeah? Come here. I'll show you something. Take a look at this label on the inside of my coat. What does it say? Army surplus. I know. What does it say after that? Made in a Baltimore. And what does it say after that? MD. That's true, German doctor. New wedges are no fair. Two days you know it anything. You don't touch a drop of steak. You broke your word. Pascuali, I'm gonna like to break my word. But as a doctor's orders, I'm gonna got a rest to my stomach. All right. Send your stomach to Florida. You stay here in America. Luigi, I'm a terrible disappointment to you. I'm a hate to do this, but maybe it's the best I'll report you to OPA. Oh, please, Pascuali. I'm gonna break my word. The doctor isn't telling me to stop eating. You don't want me to die, huh? I don't care what you do as long as you marry Rosa. Who girl is a star in a cell? Pascuali, wait. Could it be I'm still away a lot? If my tomorrow rushes away under a 200 pounds, I'm still gonna marry. How is it that? Is it that affair? That's all I'm a wanna hear. Now I'm gonna go back to my store and break the good news into my little pigeon. Come here. Yes, Papa. Rosa, I know it was a hard on you, this whole thing, but you're such a good girl the last few days and you know even complaining no more. All you do is you go for nice to longer walks. You just quietly wasted away. Papa, you think Luigi's gonna marry me? Yes, it's a taking longer time, but this time I think we finally make it. Step on the scale of my little sparrow. All right, Papa. So why you took a longer walks? You traded a Luigi for a salami. Pascuali's are gonna have the last laugh. I got my own ideas. If tomorrow I'm gonna fix up my own a special scale. What? Yeah, I'm gonna fix it a scale of myself. Are you gonna weigh what I want? That short she's are gonna find out is a more ways than one to skin a cat. Papa, you gonna skin me? Oh, shut up. And so ladies and gentlemen, to the witnesses, this bargain was made between me and Luigi two weeks ago. He's a promise that to put on a weight that roses that take off a weight, they come in near each other, they get a marry. And tonight, I'm gonna win in my bargain. But remember, Pascuali, I'm gonna charge the scale. That's all right. And Mr. Delicate, that's the man you judge. I'm gonna afraid. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I announced the contestant. In this corner, the main stimulus box is over. And in this corner, a reason to masiated because he went on a hunger strike. Dr. Gorda, Luigi, we're gonna play Luigi now. Luigi, are you ready? Yes, it should. All right, origin and Horowitz, you carry him over and put him on the scale. Pascuali, please don't stand so close to the scale. Don't worry, Mr. Delicate, test on a man. But now I'm gonna weigh Luigi. Luigi weighs him with 198. Come on, ma'am, I've never thought I'd put on so much weight. It's hard to believe. Scales is a no lie. Now weigh roses. Luigi, you've got nothing to worry about. Just look at her. Now, Rosa, come here. Pascuali, will you please move away from that scale? All right, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, watch carefully. Rosa, step on the scale. 112. Everybody should have a glass of wine and drink it to this happy couple. Drink, everybody. Everybody's got to have a drink. It's only 20 cents a glass. Well, Luigi, you're finally gonna be marrying a Rosa. How does it feel? Terrible. The happy bridegroom has got a sense of humor. Hey, Rosa, why you don't drink? Papa, I don't want to marry Luigi. Why do you talk? You marry him right now. I don't want to. You're crazy for two weeks. I'm a sufferer and a struggleer taking a weight off of you, putting a weight on him. Now you weigh 112, he's weighing 198. You don't want to marry him, but why? For what he's to do to me. For everything is to turn out to good. Like Uncle Pietro is always the same, is an ill wind that the blows the nose of good. Anyway, Mama Mia, I'm not the married to Rosa, so I still look at a sign this letter. He you're a loving son and not the son-in-law, Luigi Vasco del Lema Girl. This is a by Howard production and is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mack Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Redis the squally, Hans Conreder Schultz and Mary Schiff is Miss Balving. Music is under the direction of Lynn Murray. Life with Luigi will be heard again two weeks from tonight. Next Sunday night, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Claudette Colbert and Dinah Shore, plus their bingles for son, all come to CBS for a special one-hour show celebrating the return of baseball to the American scene. So be sure to listen. And now a special announcement. Radio's leading daytime show, The Author Godfrey Hour comes to you every day Monday through Friday on most of these same stations. And when we say hour, we mean a full 60 minutes of music, song, and Godfrey's uninhibited unrehearsed Huck Finn humor. Hear The Author Godfrey Hour tomorrow. It's a usually high point in daytime listening. And tomorrow being Monday you will find its bonus day too for Godfrey will be around again in the evening with a talent scout show on most of these stations. Columbia Broadcasting System.