 Item Number SCP-2755 Object Class, Safe Special Containment Procedures SCP-2755 is to be stored in a standard biological item vault outfitted with a drain for excess fluids. Description SCP-2755 is the corpse of Finnegan O'Brien, a comedy writer noted for a family-friendly series of joke books. The corpse itself is effectively affixed to the couch supporting it. A particular note is its position. Its right hand holds a shot glass under SCP-2755's mouth. Discharging from the mouth at .5 mL per hour is isopropyl alcohol, which drips into the shot glass. When overfilled and when the alcohol reaches a suitable material, most additional alcohol evaporates. The remaining alcohol proceeds to cover the material surface and then etches a random pun from one of the writer's books, as well as a typically cynical addition. Item A Excerpt of Etching's transcript Why did the cow not want to go to school? Because it had recently moved. Just like I did for this shitty job at Loserville Nowhere. How do dolphins like their soda pop? Foddled. Just like my whiskey, acetaminophen, and rage. What did the archaeologist say when he accidentally broke an artifact? I owe you guys an arthropology. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Forgive me.