 Now, we have a pretty common question here from Pete about keeping intimacy going in a long-term relationship, and we've all heard of the famous honeymoon phase. Yes, yes. I'm about six months into my long-term relationship, and I love it, but I also know how love and intimacy shift as a relationship grows older. I'm anxious about the honeymoon phase of my relationship ending. Pre-emptive anxiety. Exactly. I hear a lot of friends and family joke about intimacy dissapearing. Once you're in a long-term committed relationship, what do intimate couples do to keep their romance in bed reasonably healthy and long-lasting? So lots of thoughts on this. If we are talking about just keeping the physical connection going in a heterosexual relationship, keeping the desire high, a lot of what I see, let's just talk about how the problem typically evolves, is in what I call the sex romance stalemate. What women don't understand about men and what men don't understand about women, if we're talking about heterosexual relationships, is that men typically, women achieve a sense of emotional intimacy, closeness through cuddling, spending time together, talking about their feelings, holding hands, cuddling, sharing, and when that is in a long-term relationship, and I looked at, I did a national study on what the most sexually satisfied women have in common, and it's not the number of orgasms they're having or anything else, it is the closeness, the emotional closeness they feel with the person they're having sex with. That's the biggest predictor, not only for her enjoyment, but very, very important for her desire to be sexual, and what women don't understand about men is that most of them achieve that sense of emotional closeness through the physical act of sex, and the hand holding, spending time together, sharing is a result of a deep sexual connection. So what I see happen in that sex romance stalemate is that now she's tired or they have some kids or they're under stress, she's less interested in sex, withdraws a little bit, he not even aware of what's happening, withdraws emotionally, is less attentive, is less romantic, is less tuned in, is less connected, and then she's that much less inspired to have sex. So I think that's a really important thing that you can be aware of in a relationship, and the other thing, everywhere I go, anytime I give a talk, I always get asked, and this is inside this question too, how do you spice it up? And I always say, look, I can give you very, very easily written many books on the topic, no problem, 365 positions, role plays, toys, tools, whatever to do, and in a year to a year and a half, you'll be back asking for new, right? It's the same thing that we were talking about earlier, more, more, more, what's next, what's next, what's next, right? And part of that is because we aren't really centering and getting clear on what we really want. We know we want something. So what's the new thing that'll get me back to the infatuation? But what we aren't doing is taking advantage of the depth of the connection that the attachment phase affords you, and recognizing that what you're really looking for when you're looking for spice is intensity, right? That's the want underneath spice, okay? Intensity sure can be created temporarily with a dopamine surge in your brain from doing something brand new, but it's only brand new once or twice, right? So real intensity comes from that soul to soul connection, from the depth, from the willingness to take risks with each other, from practicing some tantra techniques, taking sex to the next level. It's not just a new kinky, spicy, porny thing to do, although those things are great and fun. That's not gonna give you what you really want. And in your experience, this idea of the honeymoon phase, are there signs or signals of a relationship that is gonna be struggling? Well, if you don't have a strong, if your connection is primarily physical and you don't have a strong emotional connection, if you don't have a good way to resolve conflict, if you don't have a good way to be clear on what you want and articulate it in a supportive way, you're not gonna have a successful sexual relationship with a woman. You're just not. It all comes down to that communication. That's, that is what we need. We need to feel, and we need to feel like you're delighted in us, you know? And I think the biggest complaint that women tell me in their long-term relationships is that kissing has totally gone by the wayside, except as part of foreplay or when he wants to get something started. And there isn't enough emotional connection and there isn't enough presence, back to what you were saying before, enough presence in the relationship. Most couples don't talk more than 15 minutes a week about things other than the logistics of their lives. You know, they talk about the kids and work and trips and whatever, but they're not talking about anything else more than 15 minutes a week. So right there, there's a lack of emotional connection. If you just invest in 15 minutes four times a week with the technology off, some music on, looking at each other face to face and having a conversation about things other than the logistics of your life, that in and of itself will transform your relationship.