 Juliet had a Romeo. Aphrodite had her Paris. But just how lucky can you get? Here's the one and only, Harrah. RCA Victor, world leader at radio, first in recorded music and first in television, presents the Bill Harris Alice Vaisho. Vaisho transcribed, written by Ed James, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, John Hubbard, Janine Roos and Whitfield, Walter Sharpney's music, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Tonight's rare treat is called The Romance of Alice and Phil, or he was only a curly-haired drummer, but he beat his way into her heart. First, here's a word from RCA Victor. As of the RCA Victor program, Alice Vaisho and Bill Harris have been happily married for a great many years, and their love is as strong today as it was when first they met. Alice is madly in love with Phil, and Phil is madly in love with Phil. Right now, he's heading toward the kitchen with his mouth open and, is he gonna sing again? You're a lovely thing, Harris, and boy, how you can sing, Harris. You've got ever modest, but it's true. Good morning, honey. Good morning, Phil. Hiya, fellas. How's my little girl? Good morning, Daddy. Don't forget, eat your Whitties and you'll grow up to look like Ralph Kiner. And little Alice, how's my big girl today? Good morning, beautiful one. Well, you know something, little Alice, you're getting prettier all the time. I'm smarter, too. She wants you to fix her bicycle. That isn't true. My father's a handsomest man in the whole world. Aren't you, Dad? Oh, I wouldn't say that. Of course, I do have my share of Savoie fair. When I first met him, he didn't even have bus fare. Alice, that happens to be a very old joke. Well, you used to ride a very old bus. Hey, honey, what do you got for breakfast? Well, nothing for about ten minutes. Gee, that just give you time to fix my bicycle. See, what did I tell you? All right, all right. Where's the bicycle, Mata Hari? It's in the garage. Well, let's see if we can fix it up. We'll be outside if you want us, honey. Well, thanks, Dad. You're so wonderful. You're so clever and strong and handsome. Come on. Oh, she'll do all right, that girl. Mother, didn't Daddy really have bus fare when you met him? Oh, of course he did, honey. I was only joking. Mom, you know, Alice and I have been wondering for quite a while. How did you and Daddy first meet? Well, it was really very simple. Would you like to hear about it? Gee, I sure would. Well, I had just finished a picture out at 20th Century Fox, and my leading man suggested that we celebrate. And in those days, that meant dancing at the famous Coconut Grove. So that's where we went. Hello, Michael. Ah, good evening, Miss Faye, Mr. Cooper. How many in your party, please? Just two. My, it's quiet in here tonight, isn't it? Oui. Business is, uh, well, business is server. How you say, stinking? What's the new band doing? Oh, fair, only fair. Is this table all right, Mr. Cooper? Oh, this is fine, Michael, thank you. And tell me, this is the same Harry Barris who used to sing with Bing Crosby, isn't it? A Barris? Oh, his name isn't Barris, Miss Faye. It's Harris, Phil Harris. Oh, dear, and we came all the way down. Who's Phil Harris? Well, he's a young fellow, he's not too bad. Of course he's no guy Lombardo. Which one is he? Oh, he's the drummer, the curly-haired kid with the smile. Oh. The same as usual, Mr. Cooper. Michael. Yes, Miss Faye? Michael, I think he's coming over here. Well, I'd just send him away. We can't have him. No, no, no, let him come. Might be very interesting. Well, as you say, madame. Good evening, Miss Faye. My name is Phil Harris. So Michael tells me. Gee, you'll never know what a threat this is. I'm actually talking to Alice Faye. Mr. Harris, this is Mr. Cooper. Gary, this is Phil Harris. Oh, I'm glad to know you, Mr. Cooper. I go to see your pictures all the time. Yes, sir, I sure do. Yes, sir. Don't talk much, does it? It was nice talking to you, Mr. Harris. Well, look, Miss Faye, I... Well, I mean, I don't want you to think that I'm being fresh or nothing, but, well, bold. But could I come out and see you make a picture? Well... You never even know I'm there, honest, Miss Faye. I mean... Or could I please... Well, um, call me at the studio sometime, huh? Oh, thank you, Miss Faye. So long, Mr. Cooper. I enjoyed our conversation. Guys, wait till I write home and tell my mother I met Alice Faye. What's the matter with this bicycle, Alice? It's a chain. It won't move. Oh, yeah, I see it now. Here it is. You know what's the matter? The sprocket's all... That sprocket there's all out of whack. Hey, hand me that screwdriver, will you? Okay, Ed. Phyllis and I have been wondering for quite a while about you and Mother. What do we do now? Nothing. We were just wondering how you met. That's all. How he met? Oh, kid, didn't I ever tell you that? Ooh, that was a night that was a night your mother will never forget. Yes, Siree, you see, I just opened at the famous Coconut Grove, and your mother came down there with some movie guy named Snub Pollard. Those days, honey, I was smooth, suave, debonair, and on the loose. Good evening, Miss Faye, Mr. Cooper. Hello, Michael. My, the Grove's really jumping tonight, isn't it? Oh, jumping? Why, we've never had such business. It's sensational. It's colossal. It's Phil Harris, the new band leader. What a voice. What a personality. What a doll. I'll tell you, Miss Faye, that curly-haired kid is the greatest thing since Claraboe. What a doll. Oh, wait till you hear him. You've never heard such talent. Oh, here he comes. He's going to sing. Oh, Miss Faye. Miss Faye, you better sit down. We've had so many women fainting when he sings. Oh, he's going to start. Sit down, please. Oh, if we could only keep him here forever. Come with me to Alabama. Let's go see my dear old mammy. She's frying eggs and crawling hammy. That's what I like about the South. We can make no mistakey where those nerves are never shaky. Hot to taste, that layer of cakey. That's what I like about the South. She's got baked ribs and candied yams. Those sugar cured Virginia hams. Baked with full of those berry jam. That's what I like about the South. Hot corn bread and black eyed peas. You can eat as much as you please. That's what I like about the South. Don't take one. Have two. They're dark brown and chocolate too. Suits me. They must suit you. That's what I like about the South. There is a way down where the cane grows tall. Down where they say you all. Walk on in with that southern drawl. That's what I like about the South. Down where they have those pretty queens. Keep it dreaming. That's what I like about the South. That's what I like about the South. Roy with all the news. Back to back coat and the button shoes. But he's all caught up with his eagles doos. That's what I like about the South. Here come old Roy down the street. Who can't you hear those scuffling feet? He would rather sleep than eat. That's what I like about the South. Time I pass you though. You act like you don't want me no more. Why don't you shake that head and sigh? I'll go walking right on back. On and on and on. Honey, when you tell me that you love me. Did I tell you about the place called Dewart Ditty? It ain't no town. It ain't no city just awful small. But oh so pretty we'll do what. I'm here to criticize. I'm not here to sympathize. But don't tell me those no good lies. Cause a lion gal I do despise. You love me like Kyle and you send me 50. P.D.Q. Rosa Red and Violets of Pinkamore to get old 50. I don't fast. She's got backbones and butt of beans. Ham hocks and turnip greens. You and me and Dewar Leeds. And that's what I like about the South. Just great. I wasn't nothing. Just my usual brilliant performance. Hey, tell me Elliott. How many swooners this time? 38. It felt like beer bottles and a bricklayer's barbecue. Only 38, huh? Next time I'll give them a full charge. Wait a minute, Curly. Hold it. There comes another one. A blonde. A blonde under the piano. Mr. Harris. Mr. Harris, I've got to speak to you. I'm Alice Fay. I don't care if you're the ever popular Mae Bush. Get back in line and wait your turn. Hold it just a minute, Elliott. Just a minute. This one intrigues me. You may come forward, Miss. What did you say your name was? Fay. Alice Fay. I'm a movie star. Curly, she's only a movie star. Why waste your time with her? Tell me, my girl, have you been connected with our entertainment industry for long? Well, I... I just finished starring in Alexander's Ragtime Band. What'd I tell you, Curly? A Dixieland outfit. Mr. Harris, I... Gee, I don't want you to think I'm being fresh or anything, but... gosh, there are so few men around like you and... gosh, could I please have a date? Curly. Elliott. I'll handle this. Elliott, do I have any free time available? Where did I look at the book? Let me see. First open date is... here it is, a week from Thursday. From 7 to 8. OK. Pencil, Ms. Fay in. It's you, Mr. Harris. You mean for the whole hour? Yes, yes, the whole hour. I happen to be in a very jovial mood. Blondie. You'd better check with me from day to day. Check with you? Correct. At all times, Mr. Harris reserves the right of cancellation. Yes, Phyllis. Did Daddy call you at the studio? He did better than me. One day when I was real tired, he even talked me into a date. And did your Uncle Willie ball me out? He was fit to be tied. Can you be thinking of... Alice, how can you possibly let yourself stoop so low? Oh, Willie, stop being so dramatic. Dramatic? I have every right to be dramatic. I could understand you going out with a bassoonist or a harpist, but a drummer. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. He isn't a drummer. He's a singer. I've heard him sing, and he's a drummer. And why are we going to his house, pray tell? Now, look. Well, he will be there any second. And if you can't be cordial, at least be polite. Polite. How can you be polite to a southern-fried ham-hawk? I tell you, Alice, this is going to ruin your career. But ruin it. And did you meet Mom's family? Did I? Did I meet her family? And were they ever nuts about me? I don't know, Curly. If you're going to lower your standards like this and go out with anybody... She ain't anybody. That's what I said, a big blonde nothing. And you're giving her a whole hour. I'll answer the door. Wait until it finishes the phrase. That happens to be my theme song. Okay, now open it. I'll get it, Curly. You give Greta Garbo and Joan Crawford the brush, but you waste the whole hour with this kid. Will you please open the door? It's criminal. That's what it is. It's criminal. Hello, Mr. Lewis, is he here? Wait a minute, not so fast. What's this? Oh, this is my brother, William. Good evening, Mr. Lewis. What'd you bring him for? Well, Mr. Lewis, I've heard so much about Mr. Harris. I love his beautiful voice. I simply had to grasp this opportunity to meet him. He'll only stay for a minute, please, Mr. Lewis. Please, please, please, Mr. Lewis, please. Please, Mr. Lewis. I don't know. Hey, Curly. It's okay, Elliot. Let the men. You may go in, but don't get too close. Thank you. Mr. Harris, you'll never know what this means to me. Look, Roy, I can only give you a few minutes. Speak up, please. Let's have it. Come right over. Mr. Harris, I hardly dare ask, but... could I have your autograph? Autograph? Mr. Fay, how dare you? But all I need is his, and then I'll have the big three. The big three? Washington, Lincoln, and you. George and Abe. We do make a prerocative trio, don't we? Please. I'll think about it. Just leave the book there on the table. I'll think about it. Elliot. Yes, sir? Tell the girl she may approach me. Miss Fay. Yes. She may approach Mr. Harris. And remember, look. Don't touch. Good evening, young lady. What say we spend an idle moment or two perusing the treasures of my library? Oh, Mr. Harris, I've never seen so many books. You are right, my dear. I'm crazy about books. Especially green ones. Matter of fact, only yesterday. I said to Elliot, I said, a couple of yards of green books. I'm nuts about culture. Oh, Mr. Harris, there's one thing I don't understand. What do you see in me? Possibilities, my dear. Possibilities. Because you are so wonderful, so marvelous, so gorgeous, so divine. Now you did it, Curly. She's out cold. You and your voice. Dog gone and I keep forgetting. Now what are you going to do? Well, you'd better call Greta and Joan. No sense wasting the rest of the hour. I wonder what they're doing out there. Can't take this long to fix a bicycle. Mother, did Daddy propose to you on your first date? No. No, I think he waited till our second date. He said a beautiful voice like mine needed a background of sea and sky. So he took me sailing in his boat. Oh, it was a beautiful night. There was a big moon and a million stars. As we sailed along, I sang to your father. Why don't we go walking tonight while the moon is shining lovely like you can tell at a glance. It's a night for romance. The night is young. The skies are clear. You want to go walking, dear? It's delightful. It's delicious. It's lovely. I understand the reason why you're sentimental because so am I. It's delightful. It's delicious. It's lovely. You can tell at a glance what a swell night this is. Romance you can hear. Dear Mother Nature murmuring low. Let yourself go. It's a night for romance. The night is young. The skies are clear. You want to go walking, dear? It's delightful. It's lovely. I understand the reason why you're sentimental because so am I. It's delightful. It's lovely. You can tell at a glance what a swell night this is. Romance you can hear. It's delightful. It's lovely. I understand the reason why you're sentimental because so am I. It's delightful. It's delicious. It's lovely. You can tell at a glance what a swell night this is. Romance you can hear. Dear Mother Nature murmuring low. Let yourself go. Please be sweet, my chickadee. And when I kiss you, just say to me. It's delightful. Delicious. It's delightful. It's delightful. It's delightful. Oh, Miss Faye. That was divine. Yes, Alice? You told me you had a boat. Well, what's this? A banana peel? You know, they don't make canoes like this anymore. Sassafras bark. Well, it's beautiful swell. But then everything's beautiful. Beautiful night, beautiful moon. Hey, Elliot. Yeah, Curly? Could you play us some romantic mood music? That was the beam of business, Curly. Alice. Miss Faye, there comes a time in the life of every man when he gives his heart to another. And as the wild waves beat on the rocky shore, it seems... Elliot, can't you play anything better than that stop? I can't help it, Curly. Julius keeps splashing water on a banjo. Julius, will you cut it out? I gotta keep paddling, don't I? Splashing water on Elliot's banjo. He can't play. Flatten your head and use you for a paddle. You were going to say something, Phil? Oh, yes, honey. Alice. Alice, my dear. Way like it tuned up, Curly. Never mind. I'll try it acapella. Alice. Yes, Phil? Good speeches, but will you... No! He didn't ask you, you little... Yes, Phil? Alice, I... Yes? Could you... I mean, if I... If you... Phil Harris, are you proposing to me? No, no, no, no, Curly's beginning to bite. Alice. Alice, will you marry me? Now that you mention it, I'd be glad to. Alice, I guess that takes care of the bicycle. I'll talk to you about breakfast. But, Dad, you haven't finished the story. When did you and Mother become engaged? Oh, well, that came a little later. Would you like to hear about it? Would I? Was it romantic? Was it romantic? Errol Flynn's been using the technique ever since. You see, honey, in them days, I had a yacht anchored off Catalina. Spectacular, you know. Just a simple little 300-footer. Anyway, one night I was sitting on the poop deck with your mother. And Elliot was playing his guitar. Lovely, isn't it? Naturally, I composed it. Isn't it beautiful? I can't see it. Elliot. Yes, Admiral? Tell the captain to turn the boat around so I can see the moon. My eye, sir. Right away, sir. And Julius. Yes, master. You've stopped fanning. Forgive me, master, but I forgot myself. I sit here looking at your gorge, and now seems to matter. All right, Julius. Stop kissing my hand. It ain't sanitary. What is it, Julius? You'll do one thing for me, won't you? One puny little thing? All right, Julius, I promise. What is it? Marry Miss Faye. You promised. I'm a witness. But I never said that I... You said you'd do anything. You'll be so happy. We're all so happy. Trapped. And I'm so young. Hurry up with that bicycle. You know, Mom, there's one thing I don't understand. How could Julius... Well, we got the bicycle all fixed, Mom. How are we doing with breakfast? I'm starved. Well, Phil, while you're in a fixing mood, let's go out on the service porch. Honey, can I even have my coffee? This will only take a second. What did you find out? Nothing. It was all about canoes and Julius and stuff like that. Me, too. Only I got a yacht and a fast course if that's what I like about the south. Well, what are you going to do? You got to expect that from parents. We're a little late, so good night, folks. You've been wonderful. Cruded in this program transcribe was Peter Leeds. A part of Julius was played by Walter Tetley. This has been an NBC Radio Network presentation.