 Let's face it if you're you if you're in your 40s 50s 60s or even 70s and you're single these days The dating process might seem very frustrating Especially if you're the type of person that truly wants to be in partnership with another person And it can be rather nerve-wracking because what we What we'd like to have happen today is what we imagine happened Yesteryear and repeat that what we'd like to have happen today is what we imagine what happened Yesteryear and what I mean to say is two people meet they fall in love and they live happily ever after and yet these days The dating process can be rather frustrating because the reality is is we're meeting a melting pot of different types of people That might not share our same values whose lifestyles might not be blendables with ours Or they don't have the emotional maturity or relationship skills to actually be in relationship So there's a heavy emphasis on Attraction to build relationship success. In fact, most people think if there's Mutual chemistry they have the makings for relationship success And what I mean by relationship success is that we feel like we're a priority in somebody's life Repeat that feeling like we're a priority in someone's life to feel like that this person genuinely cares about us So much that they make us as important as every other aspect in their life And yet if you're in midlife you come to the table with a fair amount of luggage Some people might call it baggage. Some people might call it luggage But it's quite different than what it would be in your 20s or 30s when you're building a life Because when you hit your 40s 50s 60s or even 70s it can be vastly different And one of the biggest challenges in relationship is actually blending lives together So so you can actually make someone a priority in your life So today we're going to examine some of the ways to make that happen But more importantly, we're gonna be looking at some of the important factors Importantly important factors that that contribute to actually really What's the word I'm looking for Really attract that kind of relationship where you can be in partnership with one another and yet sadly these days Most people don't recognize what that looks like what partnership looks like what questions to ask a person To determine if they can actually be a partner in your life Repeat that what are the questions you ask a person beyond the surface questions because these days most people are Operating on the surface level like I said Attraction and it's all about having a good time. Did you have a good time? I hope you had a good time Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day They're talking on the surface level and they're not actually going beneath the surface to determine like I said before Does this person share the same values as me? Is their lifestyle blendable with mine and more importantly are they emotionally mature enough and do they even have the relationship skills to be in relationship? These days many human beings are operating from a fantasy perspective instead of actually putting on their thinking caps To determine if there's an actual good fit for them And this is why I recommend checking out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you One of the areas my expertise is to help you to determine What are the questions to ask someone early on just to determine if you're a fit with another person? So you don't waste your time with the wrong person It's kind of interesting recently I was on a vacation with my girlfriend and I was talking about some of the factors that I thought made her Attractive to me to want to make her a priority in my life and in a moment I'll be sharing those three most important ones But I would like to share with you what we dialogue with each other because one of the things I most admired about her And we unpacked her previous relationships that give me some context to share this with you So I used her as a backdrop as long as along with all my clients that I've worked with in the last almost 15 years And a mast over 20,000 hours of coaching in the last 15 years to determine some of the similarities human beings go through And one of the things I've noticed with women who seem to attract I don't want to say a better quality person because I don't like saying it that way But the less dysfunctional person let me repeat that some of the qualities or some of the attributes a woman might Project within herself so she doesn't attract some of those human beings who are actually rather dysfunctional in relationship And if you haven't seen my relationship skills emotional maturity chart, by the way, this is not a fact It's merely an opinion. I believe 20% of the population as clinical issues Clinical issues and while I say 20% of the population is emotionally healthy and have good skills I'm being rather generous with that. Most everybody is dysfunctional And what I admired most about her was her ability to be discerning to be discerning And I think one of the qualities that she represented right from the get-go that I admire most is she had a non attachment To another human being she didn't get overly attached to somebody who she had a first second third fourth fifth or sixth date She didn't get overly attached. She didn't give her power away to some man This is something I see frequent with women over and over and over again is that they give their power away to men And it's partially because that's the design factor of relationships There's this Expectation that men are the leaders of the relationship and the woman's just supposed to follow along to whatever he's doing When you give him that power You also might get overly attached to someone because they might be operating from rhetoric and not necessarily from a genuine place The other thing I noticed that she had and again I've noticed this with so many of my clients that work with me as that they have their act together Their life isn't in chaos If you're going through a contentious divorce if you have a contentious ex for example If you have children that are going through complicated periods in their life It can be very difficult to actually build the foundation for a Relationship and this is true of men and women alike now This isn't to say that they aren't deserving of relationship But if you have issues going on at work if you have health issues if you have Chaos going on in your life or if a man has chaos going on in his life It's very difficult to build the foundation to sustain a healthy happy relationship That makes someone want to make you a priority in vice versa So I really want you to look deep inside Do you feel like you have your act together? A lot of people are delusional. They think they're of their act together I know men are delusional. They think they're of their act together They come across with love bombing or a lot of limerence in other words putting someone up on a pedestal Only to find out that their life is an absolute chaos This is why I'm a big proponent of laying your cards on the table very early on in the dating process This is why I've repeatedly said Ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina You might want to consider at least reading chapter one of this book about commitment And maybe have the guy if he's a total stranger to you if you know very little about him You might want to do the same thing read chapter one. It's about trust and commitment because these days if you're going to invest on the chemical bandwagon of chemistry and The physical bandwagon of chemistry physical meaning the you know a sexual relationship You should know what you're getting into With somebody before you give your heart to another human being and while I've said Repeatedly it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to build the first layer of trust trust is built in multiple layers and While that's not an absolute timeline the whole point is Don't give your heart to someone Don't even make them a priority in your life Until you've actually built some levels of trust And more importantly one thing I noticed about her is she doesn't need to be rescued She doesn't need to feel loved by someone else to feel good about herself here in the United States We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need validation and validation and validation so I can feel safe in this relationship Folks if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work And by the way in the description of this video is all the books. I recommend also different links to connect with me Check out this book. This is a book to build your internal Empowerments so you're not dependent upon someone else for your happiness and more importantly what I respect about her is She was not high maintenance with her standards. She had high standards and High standards is different because ultimately what's most important is to express your standards And what standards is merely is what do you want your relationship to look like? What do you want to look like? Initially, my thoughts were if I was had a local relationship as we'd spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork-building skills both in our personal and our professional lives and intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that is the standard I set for myself and While I considered someone whose long distance I just had to modify that standard ever so slightly but ultimately the elements in that is the Elements to build a relationship and yet sadly these days most people spend more time on these devices either talking or texting and not building a real true connection True connection happens through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends and regular basis All the most successful Relationships, I know have see each other on a regular regular basis Not once a month not once every other month not once every six months if you want to build the deep roots of trust It has to be done face-to-face It's very difficult to do this over the phone and over text messaging or even FaceTime and Ultimately, if you are considering a distance relationship Which many and by the way, I'm not here to say that they don't work most people adopt or enter into these relationships under a fantasy because there's no real game plan how to bring the two together and I wouldn't invest more than three or four months with someone unless you have a genuine game plan of how you're going to move Either near each other or in with each other because without a game plan you might invest years Only to find out you're going to be back out in the marketplace again, and you won't be this person's priority So I shared a little bit about her because it made me gave me some reflection Because I see a lot of my clients in her I see a lot of my clients in her the clients who genuinely want partnership in the way they approach the process Is so different than the rhetoric that we hear today Is you just have to sit in your feminine energy and just let the guy claim you because all you have to do is do nothing And let the guy claim you What a crock of shit in my book now. This isn't to say that masculine and feminine energy don't exist Masculine is doing and feminine is receiving and a healthy human being has an equal balance of both I'm repeat that a healthy human being has an equal balance of both if you haven't read Oh, did I pull out the book? Oh, if you haven't read the book the untethered soul by michael singer I highly recommend reading this book so you can tap into that inner Strength within yourself so you don't have to follow the traditional rhetoric And this is why I continually recommend the book if the buddha dated because this throws out all the bullshit gender Rhetoric and says how can we connect with somebody on a heart-centered level? I highly recommend this book and what I most appreciate about the philosophy of buddhism It's all about non attachment Non attachment and what I've taught my clients over the year is to be open and receptive to all the possibilities and not attached to the outcome because when you get attached to the outcome You are going to set yourself up for failure Now let me just say something folks. This is so much easier said than done Believe me. I know this personally speaking. I'm very attached to my my new partner. I'm very attached to this person It's not easy not to be attached But at the same time I've also learned the skills from two books that I highly recommend reading The book attached by emeer levine and rachel heller which talks about love attachment styles And also the book getting the love you want by harbell hendrix and helen hunt again all the books I recommend are below so you can understand that here's the bottom line When you understand your individual makeup of how you operate you will learn one simple thing And if I can impress this upon you I want you to know that even if your relationship doesn't work out Even if you're attached to them no matter what You are going to be okay You will survive and you have the potential to thrive Let me repeat that you will survive and you will have the potential to thrive And yet if you give your power to another human being if you make their Validation towards you as your your sense of happiness. You are already setting yourself up for codependency relationships And I want to help you avoid those codependent relationships. I would like you to be in your empowered Relationships I'd like you to be in your empowerment. This is why if you're not familiar with the work of brené brown I highly recommend her book daring greatly It's time to let go of the fantasy rhetoric about relationships and remember that the most important relationship you have is with yourself Because here's the bottom line folks we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality And very few humans have good relationship skills. So I invite you and a lot of people are delusional to their own Skill sets in relationship when I mean by delusional is a lot of you are in fantasy realm thinking you're good at it When very few people have actually done the work. So let me just say this When you can learn that you'll be okay. No matter what and let go of the angry bitter rhetoric towards the opposite sex You can actually start to attract in a healthy happy relationship and in a moment I'll share those three things I prepared for today, but I'd like to start with a prayer God universe spirit gusts I invite a juicy delicious healthy relationship in my life where we have mutual chemistry with one another and We have that communication skills between us Where we can handle conflicts and differences these and we can banter for hours and hours at a time And we have lifestyles that are compatible with one another and we share the same values And we have the emotional maturity to build a healthy happy relationship And we can build the deep roots of trust through those social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to something where we grow together as a couple god universe spirit I invite that into my life I invite that for you to start that prayer To let go of the bitterness the anger and the resentment that you might have towards the opposite sex Because if you want to be a priority in someone's life, here are the most three and most important things number one Is to know your worth By having your act together having that confidence That you're a good partner in your life knowing your worth Knowing you can't give your power away to someone else knowing that no matter what happens You're going to be okay in this relationship. You're setting yourself up to be a priority in someone's life number two You set healthy boundaries boundaries by knowing your standards By knowing your standards because when you know your standards and a boundary is simply what's okay and what's not okay for me And lastly and the most important piece if you truly want to attract in a great relationship in your life You have to be fun You have to be a fun person. You have to be chill And more importantly, I invite you to connect with that little kid inside of you That little kid that this is what a juicy delicious healthy relationship is all about is being your little kid Not the immature aspects of who you are But that playful fun aspect and I got to tell you These days up until I met my sweetheart I can tell you I went out with a lot of women who were wearing resting bitch face On every single date their attitude was what could they get instead an attitude of what could I give? Let me repeat that an attitude of what could I get instead of what could I give or worse I would meet those type of women who are doormats They were doormats. They give their power away to a guy so easily and so freely And no wonder those men wouldn't want to make them as a priority Those entitled women those users that I've talked about before if you're not familiar with the three types of people dating today I highly recommend checking this out. This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. There's the users These are the love bombers the short term players the gold diggers the entitled people only care about themselves And then next are the spenders. That's about 60 percent of the population They seek connection companionship and sex, but they have no Real direction. They have uncertainty and they're fearful Usually have dysfunctionality in their lives and lastly are the growers and builders These are the people that seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up They have relationship skills and they have their act together When you're operating from a place of a grower builder You have a better chance for relationship success and actually to be a priority in someone's life Is this resonating with you as this sinking in if it's yes hit this like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel right now Because I invite you to shift the narrative from an old way of doing things And maybe operate from a place of true empowerment within yourself because that's the women and men That the opposite sex Would like to make a priority those people that know their worth They know their standards and boundaries and most importantly They have a little kid inside of them that wants to play play play play Because what's the point of relationship? Unless you just want to go through the motions and I invite you all to allow your little kid in so you can play Is this sinking in is this resonating? Let me know All right I think this will be a great place to shift to our q&a If you know my format for q&a if you have a question for me Write the word question or post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away four years ago and in his honor I donate to charities like the hoffman process and insight seminars just to name a few So I highlight oh and if you're watching the replay you can purchase a super thing So and I already see that we have a super sticker already I want to thank linda or luda Preach brother you are blessing to all love your message preach god bless you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, let's see what we've got here. By the way, you're more than welcome to ask a personal question about my anything you'd like as well All right, leslie says jonathan great chat. You're on to it. Thank you so much Lynette says you got it Barbara says i'm connecting the dots. Yes, I love that all right Alexandria said you nailed it. We already got that so if you have a question for me Write the word question post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat Um, and we'll give it a minute for those people to roll in and to ask those questions Otherwise, we're gonna have a short live stream tonight So let's see what we've got here All right Allison says hey joy jonathan I enjoy your videos and shared them with the dear friend who said you tell the truth your girlfriend is gorgeous all Reflection all relationships are a reflection. Thank you so much. There's a picture of her in india one of my favorite pictures of her That's on my my telephone I want to thank ruby for the two dollar super sticker. Thank you so much And again, if you have a question for me write the word question then post the question there after Looks like we have a bashful group tonight Oh All right, here we go loria e says I know my worth question. I had scheduled a video date on match I told him I was ready when we were both on he ignored me for 15 minutes I unmatched him. Do you think I reacted too quickly? you know I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt sometimes um You know, this is a tough one. I mean we make quick decisions, but sometimes stuff comes up You know So I wouldn't sweat it, you know, I'd be on for 15 minutes I'd log off and I move on and let the person You reach out to you and see what they have to say I don't know if I would have reacted that quickly, but I recognize that things can happen So maybe listen, I think it's important to You know be generous in your prospecting and be rather selective in who you meet Let me repeat that be generous with your prospecting and be selective with who you meet In fact, that's kind of what my whole coaching program is check that out there. Jonathan Asley dot com coaching. That's what I teach in my private coaching be select Be generous with your prospecting and selective in who you meet Okay, so yeah, I think you might have reacted a little bit too quickly, but it can go either way on that one okay Brenda ask. How was your cancun trip details, please? You know the trip was great. I had my 60th birthday there. I had a great time I'm very blessed the trout other than having monazuma's revenge for I got I got food poisoning the evening of my birthday And I spent the next two days pretty much in the bathroom the whole time I wasn't too excited about that But you know, we had a great time the the trip went smoothly Like, you know, they say they say relationships Really one of the tests in relationships is being able to travel together and we traveled rather smoothly I mean it was by the way, I was very blessed because she speaks Spanish so we can she just I mean it was like I was so grateful that she handled a lot of the details Plus she's a seasoned traveler So she handled a lot of the details which made it easy for me and for both of us. So Very blessed we had a great time. I showed some pictures up in my community page. So thank you for that question Brenda. I appreciate it All right, Sarah writes question He's a busy guy. He doesn't invite me so much often for dinner But when I invited him he found the time to come to my place We have been that way for almost a year not happy with the progress So Sarah that's not a question. That's a statement folks If you want to ask a question, what problem do you want to solve? That's merely a statement And I've noticed women have a habit of making statements and not actually expressing what you want solved So if you want a problem solved Ask a question rather than give me the backstory you might simply say I've been in a relationship It hasn't progressed. What are some things that can do to progress the relationship? I'm a big proponent of having radical honesty questions Radical honesty questions start cutting to the chase because one year in relationship. What the fuck are you doing together? Are you just having a good time together? Let's just have a good time I hope we have a good time But it seems like all he does is come to you and you're not building You're not creating the building blocks to a successful relationship Read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman so you can recognize the building blocks to a healthy happy relationship That's my invitation for you Because right now sounds like he's winging it. You're winging it when you're winging it. What ends up happening You crash and burn most likely So anyway, sarah, that's my two cents on that one. Thank you so much Uh, and he's a busy guy by the way, uh, sarah Busy is not conducive for a healthy happy relationship All right, marianne says or excuse me, uh, hustlin says Question, how do you identify a love bomber? Hi from the drain spit? This is from Madrid, spain God that was a Slexy on my part. How do you recognize a love bomber? Oh my god, you're the most amazing person on the planet I've never seen anyone like you. You are so different than anyone I've ever met You have my heart. You have my desire. I want to travel with you. I want to marry you And by the way, that's only 15 minutes in Meeting you that's a love bomber and Someone who does that on the first second or third date is pretty much a love bomber. Hope that helps with you Thank you so much. Uh miss salar. Thank you Uh, and that says I totally agree. It's about being the best you and to be fun exactly Ah Let's see Kim says question The guy I'm seeing says he wants a relationship. However Has saying he's not sure what he wants He went through a bad divorce with his ex And a bad divorce and has three children Once again, this isn't a question kim. This is just a statement folks I just want you to say I want to give you an example of what drives us men fucking crazy If you have a question for us ask a question. Now, let's come back to this again He went he says he doesn't know what he wants Why do you want to be with someone who well? Here's the thing. Do you know what you want? I'm going to tell you something in my coaching practice. I I talk to I get Perspective client calls half a dozen two dozen a week Half a half a dozen to a dozen a week and all of them say I know what I want Jonathan I know what I want. I know what I want and then once they hire me they go through my proprietary coaching program And do you know what they say after the six-week boot camp are working with me? Can you guess what they say? They say this Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married the wrong guy? I didn't know what I wanted folks If you're with somebody who doesn't know what they want that's a sign You don't know what you want because a woman Who wants to be a priority in a man's life? She knows her standard She knows what she wants and when she's with someone who doesn't know what she wants. Do you know what she says? So if you're staying with someone who doesn't know what they want That's a clear sign. You don't know what you want So I invite you to maybe schedule a call with me to change that narrative. Kim. Thank you so much I appreciate it Ah Barbara says I get the impression you gave her the window seat. Yes, I sat in the aisle and she sat next to me next to the window That's exactly it All right, let's keep going All right, sarah comes back with her question How can I open the subject with him about what we are? I asked him one time. He said every time I see you I want to jump you noticed I stopped allowing him to have sex Sounds like all he cares about is sex with you. He drives to your house To only have sex with you Is that the kind of relationship you want folks read here? Hold on one second everybody. I should have grabbed this book I should have grabbed this book as well This is another book by uh, john gotman It's called the seven principles to for making marriage work Why i'm recommending you read this book because most you guys are fucking clueless as to the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship Okay chapters How to predict divorce how to in how to enhance your love maps two different types of marital conflict Solve your solvable problems coping with typical solvable problems predict the outcome gridlock folks If you don't know how a relationship works Then how can you be in a relationship with someone? Well, jonathan, it's just natural two people together just know exactly what to do No, two human beings are fucking clueless Most people don't know how to be an adult in relationships You're self included I'm yelling at you because many of you do not have the skills to be in relationship and then you're operating on just blind faith If you want to listen If you're not intentional in the dating process Then you'll never get intentional in the relationship process Most everybody operates from the premise that if we sweep it under the rug that magic fairy dust is gonna solve all the problems So how do you open up the conversation? First off, I highly recommend reading this book before you start. It's called nonviolent communication by marshal rosenberg Okay, nonviolent. So you learn how to communicate in a non confrontational way And how you open up the conversation go look This is what I want out of a relationship. What do you want? And if you're not on the same page Then ask yourself, do you want to be in this relationship with another human being? Do you know how many people are not on the same page? About 90 percent of people in relationship and I'm exaggerating that number a little bit. It might not be 90 percent It might be 89 percent The reason people aren't on the same page is they're not talking to each other from it They're not building real intimacy with one another folks The reason why most relationships fail is they don't build deep intimacy read the book emotional intimacy by robert masters Folks many of you are operating on the fantasy level of relationship you know It's funny while I was on vacation with my girlfriend We started to think we started to talk about steve harvey's book by the way act like a lady think like a man Oh, well, I'm not a fan of the book per se He points out some really important things Be empowered know your worth Know your boundaries Don't jump into bed too quickly and be a fun person to be with that's what the essence of this video is all about But many of you don't operate you either operate from an entitled place or a door map place So you don't know your worth or you overvalue your worth You have terrible standards or boundaries and most of you aren't that much fun Because you don't have the rest of your life in order Now I know this might be insulting to say this to you because you might think I'm individualizing it But I'm telling you 90 of the population is rather fucked up Or dysfunctional at best All right, I'm done ranting. Let's keep going All right kim comes back with a question What am I doing wrong when he says he wants a relationship and then says he doesn't know what he wants He is scared because of how badly his divorce went Yeah, he's confused And by the way, what would steve harvey say don't give the cookie to a confused guy only being his listen Many of you are operating from that type of relationship I talked about earlier that you're with what's known as a spender Spent here's this graph once again The spender 60 of the population they seek connection companionship and coupling and or sex No direction uncertain fearful usually have a dysfunctional life Why are you investing in someone who doesn't know what they want? folks I've been watching a tv show my girlfriend turned me on to it called 90 day fiance 90 day fiance Now i'm going to tell you i'm not a reality show person In fact, these are in my opinion. It's kind of junk But you know what I had an interesting thought What if every okay if a man wanted to sleep with you He you would have to live at his place for 30 days Before you had sex just to see if you could actually fit together What do you think would happen? What do you think would happen? Would the guys say yes probably not would they make that kind of investment and commitment to you probably not Why because the reality is is these days sex is relatively free and easy to get with little or no commitment Little or no commitment. This is why when I created my dating vows If you're not familiar with it, I'll pull it up right now By the way, it's listed in the description below if you want to get a copy of this right here It's listed below, but there's an old saying Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? That's right We can get practically these days all the sex we want With little or no commitment all we have to say is yeah, I think I want a relationship I think I want a relationship So I invite you to say the following to a guy before the penis ever goes inside the vagina For more than once okay The dating vow is simple you each state the following I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree to not actively date or meet others And take down my dating profiles while we're In any relationship with each other I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you which looks like Spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life and intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy Now I will tell you 90% of guys will probably bail on this Why? Because there's a woman out there that'll give them sex, but if he likes you he respects you and he values you The man who says that is more inclined to be serious about a relationship than the guy who isn't Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know hit that thumbs up. Let me know All right, let's see what else we have here Um, all right, let's see what else we have here Ah question from Miss brown question 1.0. Is it okay to continue texting a guy? It's progressing. Well, we go back and forth with our eight dates question manual Yes, it's but listen It's okay to text, but relationships are built face to face face to face face to face Face to face. That's how relationship is built. It's not built over the telephone All right Looks like we have a spammer here Let's put this person on a timeout all right Allison says what's the best way to find out What you want. Can you give us a hint? Read the books. I recommend that's a good place to start Okay All right, next question. Jennifer says Question met a great guy in bumble. I thought we had nice coffee date, but he didn't suggest getting together again Should I assume he wasn't interested? He's very passive I would simply do this I would Ask him out For a drink I'd say hey, would you like to gather get together for a drink if he says yes Then you have a second date if he says no you move on that's simple Why does it I mean he didn't set it up, but you can just follow up Hey, I had a great time with you. Would you be up for a meeting for a drink with me on thursday night? He'll most likely go. Hey, I had a great time, but something's come up. I'm really busy I've got chaos going on in my life, but there's an ex-girlfriend. I'm blah blah blah or he'll ghost you Cut to the quick folks. You have the power too to initiate the Getting together you have that power do it What's the worst thing that can happen? Yes, you could get rejected Guess what? We men get rejected thousands of times, but we still get up for the game. Why because we like pussy too much So if you like guys then make the effort All right, that's my two cents on that. Hey, I want to thank nancy for the two dollar super sticker Thank you so much. Oh, here's your question. Thank you What is the question what is the recommended number of times you give the benefit of the doubt I either cut the guy off or give the benefit out too often What's the expression uh fool me once Shame on you me no you fool me twice shame on me I'd say a couple times two or three times you give someone the benefit of the doubt And then otherwise just don't don't give the guy any of your in time until they Demonstrate their actions match their words. That's my two cents on that So nancy, thank you for that question Lulu writes question Is it a good sign if a man remembers what I was wearing first date? It's been 10 months since we met Let's see. I can remember okay My relationship is over three months old now I can remember what you were on a first date. It was a gorgeous little black dress With uh, I think she was wearing platform shoes or some high heel shoes or something like that. So, yeah, that's a good sign Thank you for that question lulu Uh, miss solar says thank you for your fucking honesty. You're very welcome all right Let's keep personal question What did you learn about her from being sick together? Oh, that's an interesting question. So she was very um She was very helpful to me. She was very understanding It affected me a little bit, but um, she was just very She you know what I like about her there. She is again my sweetheart But I like about her. She has such a pleasant calm friendly agreeable personality I'm gonna repeat that friendly calm agreeable personality and she's very much a nurturer She's very much a you know, it's interesting because we we often have conversations about masculine and feminine energy And she's very feminine. I mean she likes to dress feminine and act feminine, but she also has an empowered state within State of being within her. She's traveled 68 countries all over the world She's had to get through customs and go through difficult situations being by herself being empowered So I like the the strength that she has within her But she also has a soft loving side in her and what we both find between the two of us And this is an important trait. I think everybody needs to cultivate Is being an agreeable person The reality is is the older we get the more rigid we become as human beings And it's got to be my way or the highway And that's not fun to be with a person. That's my way or the highway So I I think one of the Significant benefits that the two of us have with each other is we have an agreeable personality We have agreeable personalities. I think we're both a little bit people pleasers and we want to be like so That probably contributes to it, but the end of the day We don't sweat the small stuff You know, there's this book I I brought this up perfect time to bring it up. It's called shut up stop whining and get a life Folks, you know, most people are so fucking rigid In their in their way of doing things and it's no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there This book by larry wingett is a fucking crack up But I can tell you I read this 15 16 years ago and I fell in love with it and I highly recommend checking it out All right, so I hope that answered your question. Uh, she was wonderful. So thank you uh Let's see Chris says why do men rush to meet when dating online? What's wrong with what's wrong with that you connect you want to meet right away? What is wrong with that now? There's also a benefit for talking a little bit to build some familiarity I'm a big proponent of have listen. I believe in my rule of thumb is three two one three Okay First is you have no more than three email or text exchanges leads to no more than one or two phone calls That leads to one date all in three weeks in a three week period of time That's my rule of thumb and the sooner the better than three weeks But if that progression happens where you had a couple email exchanges on a dating site by the time you get on the phone It's maybe a week or so maybe eight days later You have a good phone call maybe another one you plan a date a week later This all happens within three weeks or less I'm a big proponent Meet quickly determine if you do the sniff test See if you like each other if you like each other you see again quickly If you like each other you see again you see each other again quickly And if you like each other you see each other again quickly and you begin that progression because You know, you you don't want this thing to fucking drag out You don't want things to drag out And especially long distance relationship Oh my god, those can drag out for months If not years before people meet and all they've done is they have a telephone buddy And not someone who can actually be a partner in their life. So I think it's great to meet sooner rather than later All right, let's keep swimming Let's keep swimming Uh Envy says sooner rather than later. I agree avoid wasting time Let's see All right, leanne says question After bumping into an old boyfriend from when I was in my 20s and now 57 he wanted to call me his girlfriend Do you think that's too soon? I was uncomfortable with it. He broke it off One meeting and called you his girlfriend. Yeah, that's a little too ridiculous Yeah, I mean look it it takes it takes a good three to five dates I would say by the time my girlfriend. I spent a cumulative nine Days together we agreed to explore a relationship with one another call each other boyfriend and girlfriend after nine physical face-to-face Time together That's when we agreed to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend So I think it's going to take somewhere to three to five Wait a minute. Technically. I mean let's see four Technically four seven we agreed by the seventh or eight time We were together physically is when we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend I think if you decide to explore a relationship by the third or fourth date, that's okay, too Exploring a relationship doesn't mean forever after it just means you're exploring a relationship and taking yourself off the dating apps Because those are clusterfuck anyway So I would prefer if people date one person at a time and explore a relationship sooner rather than later That's my invitation for everyone All right, great question. Thank you so much. I want to thank allison for the dollar 99 super sticker. Thank you so much uh all right Let's see what we have here bump bump bump bump Um The loo says I told question. I told I want to go visit my parents. He said when are we going there? I have so many friends in that country. I was in shock. Why is he going with me there? I don't know. How long have you been dating? Are you having regular sex together? Do you guys see each other frequently? I can't tell you that one But thanks for asking anyway all right You know folks, uh, I'll leave this last minute if you have a personal question of me I'll wrap up if you want to if you have a personal question of me You have you want to ask I will wrap up with one of those before we wrap up today's podcast I really appreciate uh, you all um being so kind and generous in your question so far So I'll leave the last one for a personal question of me And then we'll wrap up for the evening. I might let it go Um, all right. Jamie says Jonathan Before you met your wonderful girlfriend. Were you on the verge of giving up? If so, how did you deal with the feeling of wanting to throw in the towel? so I didn't give I didn't go on the verge of giving up because I knew I would always and I always knew I'd meet someone special I I always knew that in my heart of hearts So it's kind of what I teach in my private coaching By the way, there's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you But I stopped putting in the ice. I really cut back my effort Because I was getting to the point of trusting I I just said god universe spirit I trust that you will deliver the right person into my life Not from a giving up my power perspective or making without making an inspired action But I basically said I'm gonna operate from gut An instinct And my instinct said to to meet with her. We had known each other for over a year on a dating site It's a long distance dynamic. I happen to be traveling there. So in a way Officiating the wedding was a great impetus for me being there But I always knew there was something about her I liked and when we met it was kismet from that point thereafter Really, it didn't really take off until she came to visit me But I will say this I didn't give up I just stopped trying so hard. That's all just stopped trying so hard. Great question. Thank you so much and I want to thank Debra for debbie for the four dollar nine nine cents super sticker. Thank you so much folks I really want to thank you all for the kind contributions to the conner as a scholarship fund There's gone right there. I really appreciate that. I appreciate all the questions I hope you found value in this, you know, if you want to make a guy your priority first off know your worth Set your standards have healthy boundaries and lastly be a fun human being Because let's face it if you're fun to be with A guy is going to want to make you his priority and if you're not fun to be with It's not going to happen That's the bottom line because men want to spend time that they enjoy being with somebody So if you're fun to be with and you guys can laugh and play together You have a greater chance than for success than the traditional or the the current dating process of companionship Connection and sex without any real commitment and that's what I invite into your life So we're going to end on another prayer god universe spirit I invite in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship in my life where we have mutual chemistry together We have excellent communication with one another We have lifestyles that can blend with one another and we share the same values and we can build The deep roots of trust through social activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling the other teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life And lastly physical and emotional intimacy that leads to growing together as two people Sharing our lives together god universe spirit. I invite that into my life and I invite that into your life because guess what People are falling in love all the time. They just know their worth They know their standards and they're a heck of a lot fun to be with All right. I want to thank everyone for the being on this uh live broad streams Podcast today. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off. Give myself a big gigantic jonathan barack of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank katie heart for christ pam Claire chris jamie brenda lenette nancy winnie gloria debbie nv jamie Ursula holy grail allison Leanne and everyone else. Thank you so much for this. I hope you found value if you did Please let me know post a comment below Let me know that this resonated with you and again, I wish you a super duper wonderful fantastic evening. Take care Thanks. Bye. Bye now