 I got pregnant at 34 though. Okay. And it was immediately slotted into the high risk section. 38 gave baby at 39. And I'm probably, if I do have another one, I don't want to have it until I'm like in my 40s. Today I have my love, Shameless Maya all up in the building to discuss having a baby after 35. The cons, but mostly the pros. Now I want to be clear that if you want to carry a baby waiting until this age can decrease your chances of being able to do so. If you're a younger person considering delaying, you should speak with your doctor or a fertility specialist. What factor does age play in someone's ability to get pregnant? Yeah, it's a good question. You definitely have a higher chance when you're younger. So your chances go down as you age because our eggs get older, our bodies are exposed to more toxins. Age does play a role. So biologically, although we see in the media, you know, women are having babies when they're late 40s. And you know, there are other ways to get pregnant and to help your body. But typically as you get older, your chances go down because your general health goes down and biologically, reproductively, your hormones are changing. So that makes a difference. And the one thing that no one talks about is the age of the male partner because that makes a difference too, as he ages, his sperm quality can change as well. Let's talk about being old, wrinkly and new mamas. Yes, she old mom. You know what I found out joyfully that aging is not linear. I aged terribly this year. I got so many more gray hairs. Literally Maya, someone came to my house and she was like, you don't have fillers in your face. She's like, that's really brave of you. So it made me feel like, oh, like, we think of aging as this decline that's constantly happening, but it's really more ebbs and flows. So giving yourself the space because you're not sleeping as much. And you're giving, I also wonder about the impact of giving away so much of your nutrients from your breast milk. Like what does that do to your body? Does a lot. Hello, I'm interrupting the video to tell you about the sponsor of this video. And I'm doing so from my phone because BetterHelp, who is the sponsor, is a service that you can utilize 100% from your phone. So BetterHelp is a service that is worldwide that matches people with a licensed professional counselor that suits their individual needs. BetterHelp is not a crisis line. It is not a self-help hotline. It is professional online counseling done securely, how you want, when you want. Be that phone, be that video chat or text message. They have a network of 15,000 therapists, which allows you to find somebody who is specialized in your individual needs. And if you feel like the counselor that BetterHelp matched you with is not the best fit for you, no stress. You can change counselors at no extra cost. BetterHelp does individual couples and family therapy. So if you are a new mom who could use some extra support or you're in a relationship that needs some support or a part of a family that could benefit from licensed professional counseling, BetterHelp might be a service that's right for you. And best of all, BetterHelp is genuinely accessible. They have payment plans, they have financial aid. So be sure to go over to their website and look around to see what could be the best option for you. Don't forget to ask questions because this service is here to help you and to ensure that you get the best help possible. And if you find that it is possible in this service for you to get the help that you need, go to betterhelp.com slash booty because that's how you're gonna get 10% off your first month of counseling. Once again, that's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash booty to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Okay, I'm gonna have Ryu here for a quick little cameo to say hi to Auntie Maya and hi to cousin Saga. Say hi. Hi. Hey. Yeah. We're gonna be talking about your ass and I wish you to have a great morning. See you later, Ryu. Bye. Did you think 34 was old for you? I loved having you as a friend throughout this time. I was actually just reflecting on how crazy it is that we had a baby a year apart, Maya. Yeah. That's nuts. So I loved having you as a friend because you never were worried about it and I remember you said that in your family, like people always had babies older and there was just, I think a big part of me, there was a time, I'm not gonna lie. When I was, I took my IUD out in September and then I thought that I would get pregnant like September 30th. And when I did it, I was like, oh, I had always told myself that I'd had time. So when I was trying to get pregnant and I wasn't getting pregnant, I said to myself, oh my gosh, have I made a terrible mistake? And I kept telling myself that I could have everything when I wanted it and maybe that's just not the truth and maybe I missed my window. No, my philosophy was, if I meant to have a kid, I'll have a kid and I'm not putting any pressure on myself. Because here's the extra added caveat though. We both have younger partners. Oh yeah. So that didn't impact you. We're the same person. That didn't impact you at all where, yeah, it's one thing for you to say like, okay, I'm older and if it happens for me but then when you have a younger partner, you're like, oh, shit, like they could be with somebody younger who's able to be fertile if that's not a possibility for me. Well, actually, if anything, Max felt more pressure, if anything. I don't know if pressure is the word, but he felt more confronted with, oh, Maya's older, she'll probably want to have kids sooner. So I have to negate waiting until whatever. Did he feel that from the outside world or like internal? Hold on, let me ask you right now. Max, did you feel pressure from you? Did you feel pressure from the outside world to have a baby with me sooner or was it from yourself? I think both. Oh, oh, there you go, both. I felt pressure from never Jared but people in Jared's circle. Oh, oh. We went to Thanksgiving, which was in November and at that time I had already been trying to get pregnant for two months before that and not successful. And then somebody in his extended family was like, how old are you again? Oh no, not again. So she was like, oh, well, are you thinking of getting pregnant? Are you gonna get on that soon? Like you should really start really getting more intentional about that. And first of all, I didn't know this lady that well, but it was just like. They do say though, it makes sense for an older woman to be with a younger man because younger men have more fertile, and I'm saying this fertile sperm to like compensate for whatever issues that may be happening with an older woman. I did not know that. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't know what the study is but it's, it works apparently. It balances out. It balances out. They're sprightly sperm and you're slow mosey and egg. But in my opinion, I think it has more to do with, now here I go. I want to say lifestyle choices and it's less to do about age and more to do about how much toxins are in your body building up over the course of years. I want to talk about the pros and the cons of being an older mom. So you get to pick, cause you're my guest of honor. You want to start with pros or cons? Pros. Yes. You get to live your best life with like no strings attached. Now that I'm a mom, I'm like, oh my God. Like, I mean, you're killing it. But like for me, I have put everything down to just, you know, give her my undivided attention. Yes. Like you can literally put time aside and not feel like you're putting yourself aside. Yeah. Because you feel like you gave yourself the time that you needed to accomplish these things that were important to you. Yeah. On her first birthday, we were at the airport. So I was traveling for that Caribbean job. Okay. And we were at the airport and we missed the flight. I want to say because of her, but really it's because of me. But in essence, we have to like show all this paperwork. We get to the final stage and they were like, oh, can we see the baby's COVID test? And I was like, do you want to repeat that sentence to yourself? Cause you sound nutty. The baby's COVID test? And she was like, yeah, everybody to get into this country has to have a COVID test. And so we're like, well, she doesn't. So they're like, well, you're not getting the plane. And so I was at the airport with her, kind of just reflecting on like, oh, like I could really miss this opportunity. I was like, nothing is more important to me than being in my kid. And I know how much my career mattered to me in my 20s and in my early 30s. And I just feel like that would have not been an easy decision for me then. And if I did make it, it would have been filled with so much resentment. So I'm grateful to be older, to feel like I've given enough to myself that I can do all the self-sacrificing, which is so much more sacrificing than I anticipated, but that I can do all the sacrificing for a baby. And that's difficult. I can imagine that it might be difficult when you still think there's so much more life that you still have to live and so many more dreams that you have to accomplish. Yeah. You know, my mom gave me really good advice and she was like, my, I don't feel that you need to have a kid. Like life is so beautiful and so full as it is. Like look at your life. You're doing so much. I wasn't able to do when I had you and your brother. And this is my mom speaking as a single mom, having raised two kids. And I felt that in my heart. I'm like, if I don't have kids, it's okay. I'm like, I'm living such a beautiful life anyways. I think that's a huge part of waiting is being okay with any outcome. Right, yeah. I am so grateful literally every day that I'm an old-ass mama. Yeah, me too. There's like so many times a day that I'm like, think I'm like, thank God. Like I'll say another pro before we move into some cons, but I'm so grateful because there's so much judgment as a mother. Oh my God, yeah. I've never experienced in my life the amount of people who've had an opinion about something that they have such limited information on, which is my life, what happens in my home. But there's so many people, one, your family, to the internet. And so I'm like, thank God I'm old. Like I don't take it personal or take it on. Thank God that, because it's a really big place of insecurity. I will say that. I think no matter what age you are, you're doing something so important and so new and so nuanced that you have a lot of fear in yourself and a lot of insecurity of like, am I doing this right? Am I good at it? And I don't look to people who are not within the home to answer that question. Yeah, I mean, if anything, I just kind of laugh. Like I did a video on my channel with my husband, Max. I was patting Saga and she was sleeping. And if I wasn't doing that, she was crying. And somebody in the comments was like, oh my God, could you imagine how annoying it must be to be padded? Like put yourself in her position. I'm like, if she hated this, I would know. Trust me, I would know. And then I'm like, and I'm like, what person would say this? I'm like, clearly you're not a mother. But I will say I do have friends that had kids in high school and they are also living their best life as an adult. Like they're like, oh girl, like my kid has grown and taken care of herself. And now I'm like going here, going there. So I guess there are pros and cons depending on how you look at it. Yeah, I think one of the cons for sure is that it's kind of in hindsight by us though, because I love who I am today. And I love my life today. And I'm like, man, if I had a dope 10 year old right now who was with me and like moving with me, but also like doing their own thing and out there in the world. Like my friend Jade, Jade has like a 12 year old right now. And like her kid is like, a cool is different. Like when you have a baby, they're like the center of your world. And when you have a kid, they're like the highlight of your world in a way. And hopefully like, vice versa. So I'm like, oh man, like that's kind of cool. I also find a con is like doing the math a lot of, oh like I'm 36 right now with a one year old when my kid is 10, I'm gonna be 46. I don't know why, but when I was in high school, like the age of your parents was like a hot topic. Yes, yes. Right? And so my friend, Tabia, her parents, I gotta actually ask her how old they were where they had her because we always referred to her parents as old parents. Right. And I'm like, I'm gonna be that for my kid's friends. Like your mom's an old mom. Old and cool. I think I will say that I felt, I wanna say an ambassador ship. Responsibility for older moms. Just because there was so much doubt that you could have a baby, that you could look good after having a baby, that you would have a good sex life after having a baby, that you would be able to maintain a sense of personhood after having a baby. And I feel like I've seen so many younger women reclaim themselves or younger women, who get to be milvs or get to be like still hot mamas who are out there in the world pursuing it, doing it. And I felt like I wanted to do and be that for older women. Oh, okay. Yeah, I would see your Instagram and you were like, you were working out so hardcore as a pregnant woman. You were working out as post pregnancy and it was so inspiring and in awe to watch. And then I would check in with myself and I'd be like, but I don't feel that calling. Like I've always thought I would. Like I always was like, yeah, I'm gonna be like snap back queen and work out and like get my life. But when I was in it, I'm like, I don't want to. But I love that too. I love because I guess it's very different about our experience is I was very much like, I wanna have a baby and then I wanna get back to my life before a baby. Like work wise and everything. I wanted to feel like a continuation of myself and you were very much like, this is Maya, the mom. And I always admired that about you. Like even you spent so much time being like, this is my full-time job even with pregnancy and with delivery. Like you knew literally anybody who asked me a question I was like, please just go to Maya. Like Maya has every single possible answer or all the scenarios because she's really put the time and the work and the research in. So I love that our experiences were so different to each other and are really equally as inspiring because whether it is you want that complete change and you wanna honor the fact that this is a brand new season, a brand new role. It is going to call so many new things and old things out of you that it does deserve its own space or what's gonna feel best for your mental health is to remind yourself that you're still the same. Like both options are there for you. And in the end, like you have two people who couldn't be happier with where they're at today. If I said to you, what is the truth about having kids later? What would you say? It's freeing and tiring. I feel like the truth for me is that it can be the best decision of your life or one of the biggest regrets of your life. And if you're okay with living through either one then I'd recommend that people talk to their partner about delaying. And the truth is, it's pretty awesome. They're fun after a certain point. Like I'm beginning to enjoy her more now. In the beginning I was just like, what have I done? What have I done? You can't return them. I was actually shocked. I was like, everyone's out here wanting this life. Like this is for the birds girls. Don't do it. It's trash. Your life is gone. Like I couldn't brush my teeth. I couldn't sleep. I was like all kinds of broken up. But like as the months go by, it's like, oh, this gets better. It gets better. Thank you so much for watching this video. Again, this video has been sponsored. Oh, now you wanna pop up. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Hello. Yes, you can see her. Thank you so much for BetterHelp for sponsoring this video and for sponsoring me for a good part of 2021. This is my last video that I have contracted with them. It's been such a joy. It's pushed me to have really tough, beautiful and meaningful conversations, which I hope you also get to have. If you do choose to sign up for BetterHelp. And once again, if you choose to sign up for BetterHelp, why not get yourself 10% off your first month of counseling by going to betterhelp.com slash booty, B-O-O-D-Y. That's betterhelp.com slash booty. Happy holidays from the fam. Baby, not gonna say anything, so be silent.