 So I have a question I wanted to share and it's about emotional numbness or Dissociation and Dissociation there's different degrees to it some more intense than others, but really it's it could be described as just a lack of Emotion not feeling anything feeling like there's a void or you're cut off from your emotional body entirely And Tom asked me a question. It was a long email, but he was basically Trying he was describing what this void was and how do I come to terms with living with this void? And I wanted to address this here because I don't think really I think very few people Understand what dissociation is or this emotional numbness? because when we think about it we tend to think of numbness as a lack of something It's like a void, right? It's like it. There's there's just nothing there. Nothing is going on inside me So we think of it as nothing now in this video I'm going to try and make the argument here that will help us understand dissociation a bit more that it isn't nothing in fact Really what's happening is that it's something and it's really It takes an awful lot of energy to create the sensation of numbness or Dissociation in your body. So you see if we don't understand that we're going to perceive it incorrectly and We'll be trying to fill something. That's already full Okay, we have this need to feel emotion and you know that can lead to all sorts of problems in our life If we're not feeling anything we'll reach out even for a negative experience or a negative emotion to fill this void So if we can understand actually there is something already taking place here. It's not an absence. It's not a lack It's not a void. It's actually really an energy intense Experience that's taken place. So let me explain myself. Okay. Let me explain what I mean by this Great example Let's say you're you're You know those kitchens that have those huge walk-in Freezers, okay, or you know, you walk into that freezer and it's it's really cold in there all the food is really really cold obviously and You know the door gets locked accidentally and now you're you're stuck in this freezer Well, what are you going to notice? Is I'm starting to feel numb Okay after a while you're gonna get really really cold and it's a numbness starts to set in after a while It's really uncomfortable feeling to be that cold But then you're gonna start feeling numb think of all the code the food in there. It's entirely frozen. Okay, it's solid It's a lack of anything. It is it's weak. We perceive it as as nothing happening with it. Okay stuck So if you think about that for a second, well, how is that experience in in the freezer? Taking place. What's required for that to take place? Well, what happens if there's a power outage in that area and Now there's no electricity going into the motors that are helping to cool the the freezer. Okay All that food will eventually start to Throw out. Okay, and if you're stuck in there, you'll be very grateful for that The point here is that think about it as For something to be held numb or cold or stuck like that There has to be electric electricity or energy Driven into it to create that process to create that experience in the body So rather than dissociation or emotional numbness as being nothing It's actually been driven Energy is been driven directly into that experience Now the reasons for that are typically safety Okay, a person will get to the point in life where there's been so much pain or disappointments or Broken relationships or whatever it may be That the nervous system decides that's enough Okay, I'm no longer going to process any of these painful emotions Now does that mean that the so that's there's an injury. There's a wound That's what really what trauma is. Is it an injury a psychic injury or an emotional injury? Those those blocking it out and refusing to deal with it actually do anything with the wound itself. Of course, it doesn't So the wound is still there can't be dealt with anymore Much the way, you know, if you if you hurt yourself physically and you need to escape danger The body will numb out that pain It will spike your adrenaline and it will bring you to safety you'll run away So with dissociation, there is pain there to deal with it. It the pain that's coming up needs to be held back Now this actual holding back you could call it suppression repression is An activity that requires a lot of energy. Okay, so the emotion is coming up the pain is coming up and there's a resistance to it and This is this experience is a lot of energy now It's it's it's almost as if nothing's happening now or a feeling of stuckness or frozen feeling or Weeks we we perceive it as nothing's happening because really When the nervous system feels completely free and not in danger emotions are always moving Okay, and we are emotional bodies are always very active and there's a flow of Negative positive all sorts of emotions, but when this happens It's like there's a stalemate So if you can realize, you know, it does it doesn't actually feel because it's it's happening automatically The nervous system is all automatic. It doesn't feel like we ourselves are actually resisting it quite often This is happening. This is the nervous system doing this Okay, so you know, I mean do you feel the energy right now that it requires to pump your heart? There's no energy perceived from you In the activity that the energy in that in that process So much this this whole holding down of the negative or the pain from the trauma is all happening automatically without our need to actually control it so This awareness of this will help us to understand that when I'm experiencing this void or this nothingness It's not nothing. It's this There's actually something stuck. It's actually a Sort of like an equation that comes to zero because there's negative and positive forces at play So with that awareness what we're going to start to do with it is not try to fill it because there's nothing to be filled right, it's just a stuck movement of emotion in the body and To start to say this is something happening this experience itself is something That needs to be respected it needs to be brought awareness needs to be brought to it It needs to be allowed to be what it is Rather than fixed or filled Because that won't work Okay, and never you can't feel something that's already full right. It's not avoid at all so another thing I've talked about in the past with people is You can't force yourself to feel things and that's one of the big mistakes we make when we're going through dissociation. It's this Desire to feel something really it's a desire to get unblocked or unstuck right now. Hopefully you'll have support around you When you're starting to feel and deal with the old traumas and that can be you know all sorts of traumas all Isolated PTSD for instance or it could be even complex trauma from years of pain and disappointment or neglect So when you start to feel it to have that support Because it can be an intense experience to start feeling those feelings again But when it comes up that such a healthy sign because it's basically your nervous system is saying your nervous system is looking around Your environment and it's saying maybe it's okay to feel now Okay, it has realized that things have changed in my environment environment and in my life It's not the same as it was anymore and the nervous system is very slow to get that message Okay, we rationally will recognize things have changed in a second. It's so obvious for us But the nervous system is not rational. It doesn't work on rationality. In fact, it's quite irrational at times It sees its job is so important which is keeping you safe That it says well, I'm not going to be bound by rationality. I have a job to do here I'm going to do it regardless of rationality so we want to start to help the nervous system realize that things have changed, okay and What we do is different processes with the nervous system from time to time and what throw up old danger signals Okay, there's that hyper vigilance that we bring from the past So I need these danger signals We our job really with this is to start calming the nervous system down once it feels safe and calm enough It will start to relax the emotions will come up. They'll be met now with an awareness of these are actually legacy feelings from the past It's not necessarily about my current life at all. These are old feelings. It doesn't make sense I don't know why I'm feeling like this, but these emotions are here and that's why these are old things that I can deal with now So I really just want you to take away from this video today and in answering this question also for this person It's not a void. We can't fill it. It's impossible to fill it Right, there's also there's already an active process taking place very interesting in its own right and If we can be aware of that it'll make processing and starting to heal and feel some of these feelings a lot easier for us So I hope that was a useful video I know a few people have asked me to talk more about dissociation because I mean it's such a common thing nowadays a Lot of us are going through this, but you know, it's a process. We need to be very patient with this process of dissociation It's not something that's super quick because the nervous system takes time If it gets itself in a guarded posture or a defensive posture at some point in the past It takes quite a long time for it to relinquish that defensive posture Okay, so it's a process that takes place over time and In any case, I hope this was a useful video and thanks again for joining me here I always appreciate it and Take care and I'll see you again soon