 Hi guys, so today I wanted to do a video on what to say to patients and family members when their loved one or the patient is passing and I got this question from one of you guys. You actually asked me when you send a patient off to hospice like what do you say to the family or the patient because it's like you don't want to be like good luck because you don't want to be rude but you want to show compassion and so I thought that was a great question. I wanted to touch on a couple different aspects of this whole process situation on things that I have learned over the years to say or things that I say to patients or their families during this time because it's obviously a very sensitive time and it's different for every patient. It's different for every family member. Every situation is different so some of these things may not be appropriate to say and some of them may maybe and it really depends on the actual patient and the family members. So I'm just going to go ahead. I wrote some down on my phone. I want to share a couple things that I say and kind of explain when I would say them and maybe when I wouldn't. So the first thing I like to say is how can I make you more comfortable? I say this a lot even to my non-dying patients but I like to say it to my patients when they're passing or before they pass like how can I make you more comfortable? What can I do for you? I'll say this to the family members as well. A lot of times if the patient's not like coherent, not really aware, I'll say to the family members like you know your loved one best, you know when they may need more medication or when maybe they're feeling anxious so let me know and I'm happy to get more medications. I'm happy to do whatever it takes to make them comfortable. Another thing I like to do and I do this with all of my patients but especially when they are on comfort care hospice is whenever I'm doing something to the patient I like to describe it in a nice way. So if I'm turning the patient I'll be like I'm just going to gently tuck this pillow underneath you or if I'm cleaning out their mouth I say I'm just cleaning out your mouth. I want to make sure your mouth feels nice and moist or you know if I'm putting lotion on them like I'm just want to make sure your skin feels good. So I really kind of describe what I'm doing to the patient and to the family in a very nice compassionate way. Not that what I'm doing is hurting them at all but just so that way it just kind of gives this overall picture of a very peaceful approach that I have if that makes sense. So if I have a patient that's going to hospice one thing that I'll say to them or their family members when I'm like kind of waving them off is like thank you for letting me take care of you or thank you for letting me take care of your loved one and a lot of times if I know the patient's going home on hospice and they're going to pass soon whether that's days or weeks I'll say like much peace to you guys in this next phase of your lives or much blessings it kind of depends on the patient and their family are they religious are they not you kind of have to cater your words because sometimes things may be offensive to some and not be offensive to others if that makes sense. So when I have a patient who's passed away and a lot of times I try to give the family kind of their space and let them be with the patient but in the ICU the patients are most of time on the monitor so I can kind of not guess but I can see when they're about to pass and I'll go in the room and I'll usually tell the family here she's getting very close to passing now his heart rate is slowing down and that way they kind of know that the time is close if they wanted to say one more thing or do one more thing and then when the patient actually has passed I'll go in the room or maybe I'm already in the room and I'll say like he or she's passed now like his heart has stopped and it really depends on the situation like sometimes you may not want to use those words you might not want to say the patient's heart has stopped now but sometimes people need to hear kind of those definitive words so every situation is different but it's all in how you say it it's definitely what you say but also how you say it is important your tone of voice a lot of times I will compliment the patient to their family like he looks very comfortable now or he looks very peaceful depending on the situation I may say like it looks like he had a very peaceful passing looks like he was very comfortable when he passed away family members really like to hear those words they like to know that their loved one wasn't suffering during their death I'll say this to not just my passing away dying patients but um just in general to most of my patients and their families because when they're in the ICU it's a tough time but I'll say things like let me know what I can do to make this process easier let me know what I can do to make your stay easier I know this is a really tough time so let me know what I can do to make it a smoother process for you things along those lines sometimes I'll say he or she's in a better place now it really really really depends on the situation and most of the time I'll wait for the family member to say something like that because to that person in that moment they may not be in a better place they may not because their loved one just passed away it may have been a traumatic thing so it really really really depends on the situation you have to be careful saying he's in a better place she's in a better place now because to the family member in that moment them passing may not be a better place for that person and so but if I have a family who maybe has already expressed that to me or maybe this patient has had a long road and the family was ready to make the decision and just wanted them to be comfortable then sometimes I will say that in that situation the last thing that I am going to say in this video and there's lots of things that I say that I didn't have them written down but is what I kind of say when a patient has passed and maybe the family is leaving the hospital and you're saying goodbye to them and you're it's kind of awkward honestly awkward but it's like okay they're leaving without their loved one and what do you say in that situation and so a lot of times they're asking me kind of what are the next steps and so I'm explaining to them what the next steps are as far as the hospital process what I'm going to do what we do in the ICU and transferring the patient to the mortuary or the morgue every hospital process is different so a lot of times I'll be explaining that but when I'm saying goodbye I'll usually say something like I'm sorry we went under these circumstances but I wish your family the best let us know if we can do anything else for you and that usually is kind of just sums it up and a lot of times most of times families are very thankful for your care despite no matter what how traumatic or non-traumatic or how sudden or not sudden or expected not expected the death was most times patients family members are very thankful for your care your hospitality and I think that really boils down to one your approach of how you like handle patients but also a lot of it is how you talk to the family members how you talk to the patients in your tone and what you're saying so I hope this gives you guys a couple more little insights as to what I say what I do in certain situations if you have any other questions leave them down below and if you have things to add leave those down below as well but thank you guys for watching this video give it a thumbs up subscribe to my channel and I'll see you next time bye