 One of the teachers is as devoted to her profession as our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High. Any problem of our school system is of concern to her. So when she heard recently that there was a shortage of 76,000 teachers in the country schools, she gave the problem quite a lot of thought. I certainly did. But no matter how I tried, I couldn't figure out how to make the shortage 76,000 than one. Lately, it seemed more and more difficult to make ends meet. Luckily, my landlady doesn't usually press me for what I owe on my room and board. And when she does bring it up, she always manages to invent a new way of asking me for it. Take last Wednesday morning at breakfast, for instance, when she tried another new approach. Connie, you've hardly eaten a thing. How about another egg, dear? There are only 89 cents a dozen. A little more bacon, 79 cents a pound. No thanks, Mrs. Davis. Well done. What about a little bread? 25 cents a loaf. And butter, 68 cents a pound. No thanks. Is there anything else you want, dear? Well, yes. I'd like some water, 30 cents a tank. Honestly, Mrs. Davis, if you want the money I owe you, there's no reason to hint around like that. I'm certainly no child. Just come right out and say it. I want the money, you old me. What else is new, Grandma? Mrs. Davis, I hate to put you off like this, but if you could be patient a little while longer, I'll pay most of what I owe you. Why don't you earn some extra money on the side, dear? Why not take an outside job? What would you suggest? Selling students door to door? No, I'm afraid I can't follow your advice, Mrs. Davis. You remember Mr. Conklin's rule barring outside jobs for teachers? I know, but there have been times when he hasn't been so strict about enforcing it. This isn't one of them. This new ruling comes from Mr. Stone, the head of our Board of Education. But surely our good feels the pinch just as much as any of you. Well, you'd never know it. Why, just the other day he bought himself a new car. What? Where did you get the money for it? I don't know, but for three days I've been combing the school basement looking for the printing press. Let's figure out how he's going to pay for it. Well, kind of, I wouldn't know. Oh, that must be Walter to pick me up. Come on in, Walter. The door's open. When it comes to calling for me, that kid is regular as clockwork. And it's always such a pleasure to see him in the morning. He never seems to change from day to day. Good morning, Miss Brooks. Morning, Margaret. Except this morning when he's grown a mustache and a double chin. Mr. Conklin, why are you all good? What a pleasant surprise. You think so? It's as nice as if she'd just seen a ghost. Oh, no, sir. Ghosts don't scare me nearly as much as yours. It isn't usually until later in the day that you scare the daylighters. It's just that I'm surprised to see you, sir. But why did you stop by, Mr. Conklin? I simply wanted the pleasure of driving you to school in my new car, Miss Brooks. You did? Why, how considerate. But I can't see any reason for you to put yourself out like this all's good. Can you, Connie? Not yet, I can't. Oh, I can't either, Mr. Conklin. Particularly when Walter's going to call for me any minute now. Oh, he won't be calling for you today, my dear. I arranged that with him last night when he came by to see Harriet. I'm taking Denton's place. Well, in that case, I'll buy a little breakfast with her. By all means, try an egg, eighty-nine turns a dozen. Just a dime and help yourself out good. I'll go into the kitchen and heat up the coffee. I really appreciate your calling for me today, sir. Oh, cut, cut, my dear, I don't want any thanks. What I intend doing every day from now on. Every day from now on? First I pick you up and I call for Mr. Boynton and then Miss Enright. Then Mr. Boynton and Miss Enright? And whatever other teachers wish to ride along. Whatever other teachers wish to ride along? Miss Brooks, is the reception bad on your side today? You'd enjoy driving to school comfortably seated in the back seat with Mr. Boynton every day, wouldn't you? Oh, certainly, sir. But where are we going to stick Miss Enright in the gloves compartment? If there's no one else driving with us, you'll sit up in front with me. But, sir, I'm still afraid I don't understand why you're... You know, what is there to understand, my dear? I simply want the teachers who have given so unstintingly of themselves over the years to have an opportunity to ride with me in my new car, to share with me the happiness, the satisfaction, the joy, the monthly payment, and the pleasures of my new car. Now that I'm beginning to understand, I'm terrified. Don't you say monthly payment? Not near as flip as it does. But naturally, you wouldn't expect me to pick you up for nothing, would you? Who wouldn't? No, sir, naturally not. So I'm charging each of you $8 a month for transportation. That will help to pay expenses for gas, oil, wear and tear. Monthly payment? Really, sir, as much as I'd like to drive with you, $8 a month is much more than... Oh, I don't expect money today, Miss Brooks, or even tomorrow. Well, in that case... Miss Brooks, surely I'm not forcing you to ride with me. The arrangement I suggest is entirely voluntary. You can do whatever you want with whomever you want outside of school. Oh, thank you, sir, that was not enough. However, let me point out to you, I, on the other hand, have complete sovereignty over you once you are within Madison's portals, and I can do whatever I want with the subject within my domain. Do you follow me, Miss Brooks? Yes, Your Majesty, write him to bankruptcy. Just a minute. Oh, good morning, Mr. Varnon. Oh, I'm glad I caught you before you went into your next class. I have something to discuss with you. I think I know what it's about, Mr. Varnon. You look about the way I feel. How do you feel, Miss Brooks? The way you look. Why? How do I look? The way I feel. Anyone for who's on first? Mr. Varnon, it's apparent you, too, have had a session with Mr. Conklin. That's right. Gosh, eight dollars a month for transportation. There must be some way the three of us can get out of this additional expense. Well, I don't see how, and anyway, I'm sure Miss Enright doesn't mind it. Well, I'm sure she does. Even though she talked about her outside income, I'm certain she... Good morning, dear Mr. Varnon. My gosh, speak of the devil. Who's going up on his twin sister? Well, Miss Brooks, why are you two looking so glum this morning? Haven't you heard the good news about Mr. Conklin and his new car yet? I know. What hid him? Train or truck? Oh, no, nothing like that, darling. But haven't he told you he's driving the three of us to school every morning? That's just it. Where are we going to get the eight dollars a month he's charging? Oh, of course. How thoughtless of me. That nasty old eight dollars is depressing, isn't it? We'd be depressed if it was a mean young fifty cents. Yes, I suppose that's true. With my independent income, I sometimes lose sight of these more mundane problems. Well, if there's anything I can do to help Mr. Varnon, you know where to find me. Uh-huh. All he has to do is pick up his foot and there you are. Thanks for your offer, Miss Enright, but I'll manage somehow. Well, I have to be getting to class. I'll see you two later. Oh, you're going to see a lot of me later. At an expense, he's probably canceled his date with you already, hasn't he, Miss Brooks? How did you know? Walls have ears, darling. I know, and wallflowers have even bigger ones. You're not inferring that I've gone around eavesdropping, are you? If the wall fits, then paper it. Nothing couldn't have worked out better for you if you'd arranged it yourself, could it? Oh, but I did arrange it, darling. What? Certainly. Poor dear Mr. Conklin was wondering how he could possibly afford this new car he had his eye on, so I suggest this little daily carpool involving you, me, and Mr. Boyce. He's glad that the idea worked. I see. Well, Miss Enright, I can thank you for one thing. It was nice of you to suggest a carpool. Why, darling? It gives me a choice of getting run over or drowning myself. I thought about how to get out of Mr. Conklin's carpool the blacker the problem became. However, in the school cafeteria at lunch, it seemed pointless to brood over it myself, so when Walter Denton stopped by the table, I decided to tell him my sad story. I felt with Walter's spirit, you ought to be even enthusiasm, I'd get an entirely different plant on my problem. Walter listened attentively, and his first words revealed the complete optimism of you. Gosh, if you asked me, you're dead. I knew you'd find a solution. Well, let's see if I've got the story right, Miss Brooks, and I'll try again. Miss Enright persuaded Mr. Conklin to get together a carpool to meet the monthly payments on his new car. It said carpool being you, Miss Enright, Mr. Boynton. This daily transportation entails an outlay of $8 a month apiece, which neither you nor Mr. Boynton can afford. Is that correct? That's correct. Well? Can't be, you're dead. Making progress, this time you left out the gosh. It seems to me, Walter, if you hadn't volunteered to stop calling for me when Mr. Conklin asked you to, this might never have happened. Who volunteered? I was drafted. You think I'd voluntarily give up the pleasure of driving you to school, Miss Brooks? Well, I didn't. Thank you. Or that I'd voluntarily give up the opportunity of seeing your smiling face across from me every morning as I tasted Mrs. Davis' succulent bacon and eggs, as I sank my teeth into a rich, delicious pancake, as I devoured those luscious, golden-brown waffles saturated in maple syrup. The pleasure of driving me to school. I really couldn't believe that you'd stopped picking me up of your own accord, Walter. Oh, no, ma'am. But when I protested last night, old Marblehead, Mr. Conklin, gave me a choice. Either I could discontinue calling for you or give up seeing Harriet. So I made my choice. Luscious, golden-brown Harriet. You chose Harriet? Yes, ma'am. There are some things more important than pancakes. Why is Mr. Boynton coming in now? He doesn't look very depressed. He's even smiling. Maybe one of his baby frogs finally said da-da to him. Well, I guess you two have things to talk over, so I'll be going. Oh, you don't have to leave on my account, Walter. Oh, well, then I... Okay, then leave on my account. See you later, Walter. All right, just to buy this book. Miss Brooks, I believe I finally got it. Oh, you've had this for quite some time, huh? It's got what, Mr. Boynton? The solution to our problem. I don't think we're going to have to pay Mr. Conklin for driving us to school after all. But how are we going to avoid it? Well, on a hunch I had, I checked through the Motor Vehicle Bureau and I found out it's illegal to transport people for money unless you're a hack. Well, then Mr. Conklin's got nothing to worry about. He's one of the biggest hacks, either... Taxi driver. Exactly. It's illegal to drive us around for money without a hack license. And we both know what a stickler Mr. Conklin is for legality. Oh, Mr. Boynton, you may have a solution to that, because even if he took out a taxi license, he'd be rescinding Mr. Stone's edict against outside jobs for teachers. Right. We've got him coming and going. I won't be content until we've got sideways covered, too. Well, I know there's nothing to worry about anymore. Do you want to break it to him or shall I, Miss Brooks? Maybe we both can, since he's headed right for this table now. Where? Oh, yes. Then perhaps you'd better tell him and I'll back you up. Maybe you'd better alert Walter, too, and he can catch us both. Well, well, well, this is a stroke of luck. Two people I've been looking for at the same table. I've got some good news for you both. Good news? Yes, Miss Brooks. I've arranged to have your checks made out today instead of Friday. Oh, thank you, sir. It does make it possible for both of you to cough up the air. Maybe... Maybe what we agreed on for transportation for the coming month. We'd love to pay you, Miss Compton, but we know you wouldn't want to do anything illegal. Do anything illegal? Me? So since it's illegal to take money for driving people without a hat license, obviously you wouldn't want to take ours without one. Oh, obviously, my dear. I couldn't take your money without a hat license, could I? Well, I'm glad we got that settled. So right after I purchased my car, I went down and got one. You got a hat license? Complete with badge. Luckily, I knew William Jones of the Jones cab company. He has a fleet of three cabs already, so he just put me on his list as the fourth driver and got me the license. But, sir, you're not actually driving a cab for his company, are you? Heaven foresees. It was merely a courtesy. Offensively, of course, as the fourth man, I'd be subject to call if the other three were called out at the same time. But Mr. Jones assured me that hasn't happened in the 25 years he's been in business. No, not by the remotest correct of the imagination, could my getting a hat license be construed as securing an outside job. Then would it be all right if Mr. Boynton got one? He wouldn't dare. What would Mr. Stone think if he knew about yours? How could he know about it unless one of you were to tell him? And I'm sure that neither of you would go behind your principal's back, even if your life depended on it. No, sir, and since it does, we won't. Let you know that Mr. Stone is coming over to see Daddy in half an hour. What's the matter? Couldn't he find a taxi in his own neighborhood? I don't see how that bit of news concerns me, Harriet. Well, you and Mr. Boynton aren't going to take what's happened to you lying down, are you? I can't speak for Mr. Boynton, Harriet, but I'm already covered up, tucked in, and my chin strap is in place. Well, it isn't fair, Miss Brooks. Daddy has no right to take advantage of you two. Why, if Mr. Stone knew about Daddy flaunting his edict this way, there'd be that devil to pay. Well, certainly no one's going to tell Mr. Stone about it. Well, no one has to, Miss Brooks, but, uh, well, suppose something accidentally happened to Mr. Stone's car, and he had to call the Jones cab company for a taxi from Daddy's office. But what could possibly happen to Mr. Stone's car? And it's very simple for Walter to get a box of thumbtacks from shop class. It still wouldn't work, not with all the other cabs on Mr. Jones' list. You mean because Daddy is low-man on the totem pole? Exactly. There are three totems, a man ahead of him. Three cabs would have to be called out before they called your father. And that hasn't happened at the same time. In the 25 years, the cab company has been operating a fleet. Until today. A lot of the way of getting rid of the fleet. Yes, Harriet, I just happened to think of a couple of sailors, I know. Stone, you may rest assured that no members of my faculty will ever take an outside job. Well, I'm glad to hear that all's good. It's good to know that in some places my edict is being obeyed. Is there any school that doesn't obey your commands, sir? Well, we did run into a little difficulty over at Jefferson High. We found that the head of the French department was spending his evenings driving an old truck around. Well, I brought him up before the board, and his punishment. We decided to give him the hardest and most unpleasant task we could find. But I thought Jefferson already had a principal. If you did, it wasn't severe enough, sir. Well, there's no such problem here. Come in. Hello, Mr. Compton. Did Mrs. Davis get here yet? Because... Oh, Mr. Stone. Pardon me, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. You're not interrupting a thing, Miss Brooks. I was just about to leave for another appointment. But what's this about Mrs. Davis being here? Well, she said if she wasn't here, it would be an emergency. I should get into a cab and hop over to the vet. She'd be in the maternity ward. Maternity ward? At the vet. Mrs. Davis? I wish I could get that sort of attention in my classroom. You see, it's Mrs. Davis' cat, Minerva. She's expecting. But first, I've got to pick up Sam and bring him along. Who's Sam? He's the fellow who's passing out the cigars. Her husband, the neighbor's cab. What's this? It's his back. Come on, Gordon, sit down. Dad, now tell me what happened. I think I wrenched my back, sir. It might even be broken. I fell down as I was leaving school. It was all I could do to get in here. Oh, better get home as quickly as possible. You're so right, Mrs. Stone. I'll call for two cabs at once. The Jones cab company hasn't had this much business in ages. The Jones cab company hasn't had this much business in ages. Yes, you remember. We always take from them. But what do you need two cabs for? Why can't you both get into one cab? We could, but why waste the extra one I'm calling for? Mrs. Brooks, I'm sure that one cab will be quite good. There's a man in pain here. Let her call up dozen cabs if you want to. Oh, no, sir. Three will do the tricks nicer. I'll call the phone at once. In the meantime, if you can make it point in, why don't you go into Mr. Conklin's inner office and scratch out on the couch? Yes, sir. I'll do that, sir. I'll go. Yes, now go ahead with that phone call, Mrs. Brooks. You can get the number of the cab company from the operator. Oh, that won't be necessary, sir. It's right here on your desk under this little paperweight. Paperweight? What paperweight? Let's see. It says badge number 3764. Send over two cabs to Madison High at once. That's right. Two cabs. It is, say, isn't that interesting? Yes, I'll hang on. He's checking on the cabs now. He says this is the first time in 25 years that all three cabs will be out at the same time. Luckily, there's a fourth cab driver they can reach in an emergency. Yes, sir. That is fortunate. No cab company should ever leave themselves so short-handed that they're up against it. Luckily, there's a fourth cab driver they can reach in an emergency. Very dependent. Well, sir, I thought I'd better come up and tell Mr. Stone I was passing his car just now and a few of his tires are flat. Two of my tires? I haven't got a couple of hours. I've made for my next appointment as it is. Mrs. Brooks, while you're on that phone, tell him to contact that emergency cab and send it right over. Yes, sir. Why bother to ask him to contact anybody? I'll take you to your appointment in my car. What are you trying to do, sir? Cut out the middleman? We'll offer all good, but the cab will be over in a minute or two. Go ahead, Mrs. Brooks. Oh, Denton, you walk front and let me know when the cab gets here. Yes, sir. Hello? Cab company? You can send over those two cabs. Good. Well, I've just got another customer for you. Uh-huh. Better contact him at once. Mr. Stone, believe me, it's absolutely no trouble to drive you wherever you're going. Absolutely none whatsoever. Look, we can leave at once. And Mrs. Fonkall? I'm so close, I'll get it, Mr. Conklin. Hello? Yes, he's right here. It's for you, Mr. Conklin. Oh, for me? That's the wrong number. The first time I ever heard of anyone asking for the right person and getting the wrong number. Now, Mr. Stone, I seem with a pleasure and a privilege if you only allow me to... Hello? Right, but you've still got the wrong number. Oh, what about Mrs. Allabout? Let me have that old miss, bro. No, no, Mrs. Stone! Conklin's office certainly will give him that message. That was the Jones cab company, all good. They said you should drive your cab over and pick up a fare at Madison High School. He hasn't far to travel. Don't believe me. Things aren't the way they appear to be. And if you let me, please. I haven't time for explanations, Conklin. Right now, I have to get my next appointment. So you'll be good enough to drive. Oh, yes, Mr. Stone, I'll be glad. And that way, you'll certainly be able to prove one thing. Prove one thing? What's that, Miss Brooks? If it's true what they say about educators being poor tippers... Let's go!