 Good morning my beautiful internet friends and welcome to my hotel room in San Antonio, Texas I just finished up with the amputee coalition conference here and pick an emotion pick any emotion insert it into the sentence it was fill in the blank and that sentence would still be accurate I walked into a floor that was just filled with amputees like every kind of amputee you can imagine every flavor of amputee you can imagine is there it was completely overwhelming it was really really good it was an amazing positive experience it was exhausting and overwhelming and at times disheartening and really encouraging and absolutely everything and I feel like it'll take me a number of days to unpack it but there was one experience that just stood out so glaringly obvious and is a moment that I will remember for I'm guessing years to come because it was a great reminder of how wrong I can be and how right I can be at the same time now bear with me I'll explain what I mean I went to two days at the conference and I thought if there's something on the agenda I should go to that thing there were like a million different workshops to choose from and I packed my schedule let's pause there for a moment I'm gonna share with you a secret if you ever go to a conference that will save you time energy emotional resources don't go to everything just don't do it at the end of the first day after having gone from 8 a.m. to 6 15 p.m. except for a quick hour where I ran away I like just started just feeling so much panic all over again yeah this is really hard this is really good but this is really hard to call my best friend and my husband to be like I can't do this what am I doing oh my god I can't this is too much this is absolutely ah and then I like collected myself and went back in I was in workshops and speeches and everything straight through the end of that first day I was ready to fall over I was so overwhelmed and discouraged and just packed full of information and I think the biggest thing is I was just absolutely exhausted like that was just too much activity for me to do I just made it back to the hotel after the first day of the amputee coalition conference and I think the only thing I really can say is I'm done with today I'm done I'm so done and so I got some good rest and I woke up the next morning with a different attitude it is day two of the conference and I had a nice long night of sleeping I go back today and I'm going to enjoy the things I can enjoy and meet some people and do some things and do some cool new legs just try to like go a little bit we headed over the conference and I thought I'm gonna play this day a little bit differently I'm just gonna go with the stuff that I absolutely want to I think would be really valuable and guess what it went a lot better that way there was one thing that I wasn't sure about going to but I was like you know what this would be a positive thing it was a women's round table so just a bunch of ladies in the room and myself and a moderator talking about issues regarding amputation that might apply you know only to women us lady folk sounds like such a misogynistic term but I like it us lady folk and it was really good it was really cool to hear people share their experiences and their insecurities and I was honored to hear that and I was a little bit emotional at this point where our story begins because we were starting to talk about self-acceptance and like body image and I'm not gonna lie I would love to sit here and say like I'm totally good with all of that now but I'm not I still have moments where I really struggle with that I'm definitely uncomfortable with it in some moments and so we were talking about that and this one lady stood up to share her story and she was talking about how for 20 years of her life 20 years of her life she hated herself she hated her body she hated being an amputee she couldn't stand it it just was like awful to her and that's a horrible way to live and she said it all changed for me when a friend said something to me one day and I was sitting there thinking like you know I get that because I've had moments in my life where someone has said the right thing to me and suddenly everything has changed you know love and support and compassion and coming alongside someone are so important and then she was like what he said was you know there are people fighting for their lives in hospitals all across America why are you upset about losing a leg oh I tried so hard to control my facial features and not show any kind of distress or anger because here's the thing if you know me in real life if you listen to me speak publicly if you've watched this channel for a long time you will know that my absolute least favorite argument something I have a personal vendetta against I would like to wipe off the face of the planet is the argument of other people have it worse so you shouldn't fill in the blank I've had it said to me so many times I've heard it said in so many settings it's a way to in my opinion suppress other people's feelings and emotions it's a way to you know and an uncomfortable conversation well you know you're dealing with depression well you should just be happy because there there are people who have their limbs blown off or you know fill in the blank things like that starving kids in Africa is another great one that people love using all the time you shouldn't be upset about your boss being mean to you at work and saying horrible things they're starving kids in Africa and it's like it absolutely matters that they're starving kids in Africa but that has no bearing on this situation that's right in front of us so let's talk about the situation that's in front of us and stop suppressing emotions and telling people not to feel things that's where I sit on this and so she says this and I just my heart drops the floor and I'm like no oh god no she proceeded to elaborate and say how he was like you know you you don't like your body or you're upset about being amputee but you should really stop that because there are people who are fighting for their lives there are people who would give anything to wake up and you should just really cut it out she was like that was a moment for me and everything changed for me and I wanted to be angry to be completely honest with you I wanted to be like no that's a bad argument no that's that's not good no your friend was probably being a jerk to you but I had to stop and realize that that story was a hundred percent true for her like her friend telling her that and it unlocking 20 years of pain and hurt and suffering was a real raw truthful honest moment for her it might be something that I absolutely despise and hate if anyone says that to me it has never worked it's always made things worse in the conversations where people have used that line of reasoning with me it is a hundred percent of the time made things worse for me but for her the opposite is true for her it actually helped and it was a hard reminder for me that we can be so wrong and so right at the same time this is a thing that I am honestly really passionate about that I have like I said made videos about I've given public speeches about I have probably talked to you if you know me in person about because I hate it so much because I think it's so damaging and so suppressive if that's a word and just so wrong to say to people but it saved maybe another 20 years of this woman's self-esteem and confidence and maybe light to hear this from someone and that was hard for me to hear that was kind of humbling for me to hear to be like you need to sit here and receive this person's story because this is actually her true this is actually her reality I needed to not let my biases and my personal experiences play into how I received her story because I really wanted to sit there and just stew and be like oh god lady you are so wrong you have no idea how wrong you are I needed to sit there and let that go and be happy for her I would be a jerk if I was anything but happy that what her friend said to her gave her freedom I tried to sit there after I'm not gonna lie stewing for a minute or two and just being like oh why god why did she have to say that because everyone was like yay that's so oh what a beautiful moment that's so great and I'm sitting here like we're spreading the worst kind of psychology but she's sharing her story and that's what matters and it really helped her and that's what matters and I don't know everything and that also matters and it was a really good humbling moment for me to realize that I talk a lot and I think a lot and I really don't know everything I'm back home in Colorado with the puppies and my husband and the kiddies and the rats and it's amazing but I realized in making this video when I was doing the editing just now that I didn't really articulate the main point which is I mean I was really tired so I'm just gonna blame it on that what I'm trying to say here is that what in healing like when it comes to our personal healing what is right for me is not gonna be right for you you know I think that goes that goes for anything like different tactics and different management skills and coping skills and different ways of processing and therapy and it's gonna be different for each person based on who we are and what we've gone through and sometimes I think I make the assumption or we make the assumption that because something worked for us or was damaging for us that is the case across the board I know I'm definitely guilty of that and I guess what I'm talking about and encouraging us in this video and what that situation was a really good reminder of for me was that that's just that's just not always the case you know one size doesn't fit all healing from anything or for recovering from anything or for figuring out self-esteem or anything in our own personal journeys and it's important to remember that even in strong ways we might feel about something like that to keep to keep our eyes open keep our minds open and to realize that everyone's journey is unique and to listen more than we talk so I'm curious if you've ever had any moments like this or if there's been something like this in your life is there something that you've been so certain of that you just absolutely know is the worst or you absolutely know is the best and always helps people and it turns out to be the opposite I think it's important that we hold the things that we know and we believe with open hands we can know that they're true for us we can know that they're they're real but I think it's important that we're always open to feedback and to hearing other people's stories if nothing else the rest of the conference went really well pacing myself that second day was exactly what needed to happen I slept 12 hours last night I don't remember when the last time I did that was and I'm still exhausted there was so much emotional and mental fatigue that went the last couple days along with like being on my feet all the time but it was so cool I got to meet some of you guys in real life which was one of the coolest experiences of my life I got to hear your stories which just was such an honor and blew me away and was worth every second of coming down here if nothing more than that and one thing that I am so freaking excited about is I got to sit down with Chris from The Amped Life and we filmed a collaboration video together which will be coming out soon but before that happens please go subscribe to his channel I've linked it down below he is such a cool person one of the reasons I came to the conference was actually to meet him because he lives in South Africa and when like I don't have a trip to South Africa on the agenda just yet and so we got to sit down and talk and he's an incredible person with so many good things to say so please go check out his channel as a personal favor to me I would appreciate that and be on the lookout for that collaboration coming up very soon we had great conversation and I have to go finish packing and head back to Colorado to see my puppies and my husband which I'm so excited for and the kitties and the rats and it's just been it's been a lot of traveling the last couple weeks and I'm finally gonna be back home I love you guys I'm thinking of you and I'll see you in the next video bye