 What is up, YouTube? Today, we're talking about how to transition out of small talk into meaningful conversations. Now, in our previous episodes here on the podcast, you can find them here and here, we talked about small talk, how important it is to create those opportunities in your life, and some simple strategies to start having more fun interacting with small talk with other people. Today, we're going to give you the science and strategies on how to transition out of that small talk and have amazing conversations with anyone that you meet. What's up, everybody? And welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week, and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. In order to lead in any conversation, you first need to find the gift of Gab on your own. Now, I love using that term, the gift of Gab, because for a lot of people, their first response is, I don't have the gift of Gab. I wasn't gifted with Gab. And I can understand why you might say that. And when I was younger, I would say the same thing about myself. And I know AJ here has said it about himself. However, you can develop the gift of Gab. And how do you develop the gift of Gab in a meaningful way so that when you are talking, people are going to listen. And it's just not you bragging and boasting about yourself. Well, it's about processing your experiences. It's not about how do I bullhorn my experiences so everyone knows about the things that I've done. It's not about the things that you've done. It's about what you have gotten from the things that you've done, what you've learned from the things that you've done. How are you a better person because of the things you've done? Which means that you've sat there, you thought about those experiences and you extracted the good from them, the lessons, the insights, the takeaways. If you were to have that experience again, what would you be doing differently? This is how you've known you processed your experiences and you've gained something from them. And here's what's great. This is what the gift of Gab comes down to. If you do the work to process your experiences, and there's many different ways of going about that and we'll get to that in just a bit. But once you've done that and you have your answers and you have what you gained, your insights, your takeaways, you will feel compelled to share them with your friends and family and anyone who will listen. And now you're not only, you're not talking about all the cool stuff you did and how cool you are. You're talking about mistakes, blunders, everything that is under the experience umbrella that led you to this moment and why you have the value that you do and why you're going to be able to lead or hold a solution for the person you're talking to. These experiences all have emotions tied to them and that's why processing them and taking out the good from them allows you not only to have stories to add, but also to start understanding the different emotions that you've felt and experienced. And when others express those emotions, you now are instantly relatable. And when you're instantly relatable, that's how you create compelling conversation. That's how you build your charisma. That's how people remember you. And we hear it from our clients all the time and that's what's so amazing about Bootcamp is at some point during the weekend, they find their gift of Gab. It's always been inside of you. But for whatever reason, self-judgment, the inner critic, imposter syndrome, whatever it is that monologue going on inside of you that said, that's not interesting enough. Oh, I shouldn't say that. Oh, that's probably not going to receive the laugh that I thought. You've created a shell and that shell has kept you from the compelling conversations that you want to have. That's right. With you not looking inside and you not processing these experiences, you've robbed yourself of the ability to communicate them effectively, to create the relationships you're looking for, to close the deals, to get promoted, to get the date. So it's so important that you process these experiences, pull out the good, the learnings and the emotions. So as you're laterally casting those questions and you start to take one of those topics vertical or deep, you have emotion to add to that conversation. So Johnny, you mentioned one or two of the ways that we can process these experiences in a meaningful way as mindfulness and journaling. How do either of those really help us unpack and dig in to all of the gold in these experiences? Well, for myself, I like journaling. It has been a latest addition to my experiences and how I process them. And I've been doing that for years now. And I keep a open pages just on my phone for that very thing. When I get overwhelmed with emotions, I jot them down. What I feeling, why am I feeling, how I might go about dealing with what I'm feeling in that moment. And of course, I could go back to that. Look at those emotions and then pull from it what I had learned so that I am better moving forward. Journaling is a great way to do it. You can also process your experiences with mindfulness practices. So that you are allowing yourself a view of your experiences as they rush past in your stream of consciousness and basically reliving that experience and then pulling from it your learnings, the things that are going to allow you to be better and what you are feeling. All of these things, the lessons learned, the emotions you are feeling, they are the verticals in which you are going to connect with other people. Why? Because everyone experiences learning. Everyone experiences being overwhelmed. Everyone experiences being scared. And everyone can discuss the experience of failing. And there is nothing better than a redemption story, the phoenix rising from the ashes. Here's how I blew it the first time. Here's what I took from it. And here's why I am able to help on this subject. Because I now have that experience. And here's the thing, reliving these experiences, whether journaling or mindfully, can pull up emotions that maybe you didn't even feel the first time or you didn't even recognize in that memory. You know, there's a silly video up above of me being deathly afraid ziplining in Tulum. And now when I think about that experience, different emotions come up for me and different thoughts about pushing through discomfort and realizing that the payoff on the other side of that zipline is the exhilaration of flying through the air. Had I listened to my internal voice and that fear and I didn't clip in, I wouldn't have had that shared experience with our bootcamp alumni in an amazing city. Every single moment in your life is worth reflecting on. That's right. And the more you spend time in self-reflection, the more you understand the experiences and the emotions you've been through, the easier it is to share, the easier it is to take a step into that cave. It's super charging your light bulb inside of your flashlight so that you can allow other people in conversation to feel those emotions, to get excited about what's being shared and to relate to you. And the more expressive you are, the more relatable you are. And you're also building happiness, not only in yourself but also in the person that you're talking with and the group standing around you that's listening in to that great conversation you guys are having. And I actually found a really interesting study that was done in 2010. I was done by Matthias Mehl and his team and it's called eavesdropping on happiness. Well-being is related to having less small talk and more substantive conversations and substantive conversations. That's a fancy linguist term for bigger talk, going deeper. That's where the happiness lies. Not when the stone skips over the lake but when everything becomes more emotional and more charged with good emotions and experiences and personality. Now if you enjoyed this video, smash the like button and go ahead and subscribe. Every single week, Johnny, Michael and I are delivering great science strategies and tips to help you supercharge your conversations and make more connections and create more amazing opportunities in your life. There will be times where you might think that you're not getting a bite on your questions and you're going to have to answer them yourself. You're going to have to walk into the cave to show that it's totally okay and this is what it's going to be about. It's about discovery and it's about us discovering together and you're going to need, in leading, you're going to have to start expressing and processing and talking about your experiences. Now you may feel that you're the only one doing the talking and that might freak you out. You might think, oh I'm just here bragging or it's coming off as boasting or it's just me talking about myself and the other person is standing there and they're looking at you. They're engaged. They just don't have anything to offer. Number one, not everyone is able or has done the work to process their own experiences to where they are compelled to share them and if they're at that point, that's fine. They're only going to learn and get more comfortable by you sharing your experiences and if leading the charge may seem awkward and it may seem difficult but it may just be what needs to be done and this is an opportunity for you to practice this and just as a side note, how do we understand this and see this in our daily lives? As somebody who handles all of the art of charm social media, I get messages all the time from people who enjoy the work we're doing, who like the videos that I make or who's going to be listening to this podcast or how this YouTube video struck them in a way and changed their way of looking at a problem they've had and it gave them the answer and I will have not have recognized these names and these people say they've been listening and watching us for years. So how come we're not exposed to them? How come we don't know these people? Well because their rate of engagement is that of what we call in online world is the lurkers and there's plenty of people who engage but who are maybe a bit intimidated or fear they have nothing to add, that's okay. We need those folks as well and there is a lot of them and we want all of those people to find their voice and it's going to take different amounts of time. The thing that you can do is to make sure that you're leading, that you're sharing and that when they do contribute, they are rewarded, they get confirmation, they see your excitement and that's one of the reasons that I love bootcamp so much because over the weekend we simulate these high pressure social interactions. So you are going to be in conversation and challenge in bootcamp where someone doesn't have a lot to add, someone isn't being expressive, someone isn't taking those vertical questions and how do you handle it in those moments and in bootcamp we believe and ascribe to the idea of train hard, fight easy. We do these drills and exercises inside of the bootcamp all weekend long so that you're putting yourself out there becoming more expressive but you're also handling all of the tension and pressure and anxiety that comes with that stressful sales call, that comes with that pitch deck meeting or that job interview or that first date. You've practiced it in a safe environment, got feedback from me, Johnny and the coaches. You've also practiced it with your classmates who are working on developing these same skills and then we go out in Las Vegas and you practice it with everyone else you're meeting on the street or out and about and by the end of that weekend you have over 200 plus experiences of going through these exact questions, understanding vertical versus horizontal questioning and how to make that small talk smart talk. So if you're interested in joining us for a weekend in Las Vegas we have three on the calendar this year check out the articharm.com slash bootcamp and apply today. Now understanding the importance of small talk it creates opportunities in your life it's not to be skipped over but those opportunities come from your ability to transition out of small talk. So the biggest myth that we dispelled today was that it's just something that happens binary, that you're either in small talk or you're in deep talk and that's just not the case. Instead we taught you a simple strategy of horizontal questioning versus vertical questioning and allowing the conversation to get more vertical through vulnerability and that vulnerability starts with you sharing emotions and becoming more expressive in your conversation. So if you enjoyed this show smash the subscribe button stop lurking add a comment or two or ask us a question we're so excited to hear from you we want to keep dropping more amazing toolbox content like this we want to hear how you put these small talk and transition out of small talk strategies into practice in your life and if you're struggling with small talk today head on over to the articharm.com slash small talk for our cheat sheet with that incredible conversation formula and great questions you can ask to strike up a conversation anywhere anytime with anyone.