 So does does us having a child changed our relationships? That is to you now, you don't know because we never really spoke about this. So I'm curious now as I'm an audience right now. But I actually want you to go first because of that. OK, because I know what you're going to say. What am I going to do? You don't know what I'm going to say. What am I going to say? This video is sponsored by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you get to control and customize your content to fit your brand this 2020 from websites to online stores. Squarespace provides easy to use templates to build your presence online today. Squarespace is what we use for chance personal site and the game of desire. Go to squarespace.com slash Shambudi to start playing around for free and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So we're going to talk about our relationship today and we're going to talk about it specifically how 2020 has impacted it. And 2020 is a unique year for you and I. Yeah, yeah, the dynamic has changed. Pregnancy also happened. Yes, we got pregnant. I think basically February 7th. I'm going to make my guess at that. February 7th is when we conceived life together and that has also made a massive impact on our relationships. This is an update video to tell you all what the flux been going on. Yeah, pregnant during a pandemic. You know what's fascinating, though? Because remember that picture we both put up in December or like it was the end of December, beginning of January, where it was that picture we shot. Oh, yes. And we both said manifest and that we're going to be parents in 2020. Yes. So that to be said, if you knew then what you knew now, would you have delayed? No, not at all. It's nice to have life change and it's not just us. I feel like people get pregnant and like, especially with your first one, it changes your relationship. It changes your dynamic. It changes everything on how you receive and perceive the world and how people are interacting with you. But no one else is having having to go through change. Right now, everybody is going through change. Well, here's the thing. Speak on it, Jay. I don't believe that anything has changed. I think that to find that for the people. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I don't believe that anything has changed. Like our relationship status has not changed. We still have the, I guess, for lack of a better term, ability to connect with other people. However, our responsibilities have changed. So you being pregnant, I have like this radar on having to be emotionally here. If that makes any sense and having to make sure that you're good and to make sure that you whatever you need is is taken care of. So I don't really have a lot of time to be connecting with other people. So I think as a result of our circumstances changing, I don't really have a desire or a time to connect with a lot of different people. I don't think it's changed either. I would say the exact same thing. You are still your own person, you're free to make your own choices. I don't ever go through your DMs. I will never go through your texts. That is your private life. And as your partner, I would hope that you share things with me. But ultimately, this is your life, that's your body. And I don't have ownership over that. And you deciding to share your body or to share parts of your intimate self with others is not a deal breaker for me and our relationship. There are other things that I prioritize over fidelity for you and I. As a caveat, we have not necessarily crossed that bridge yet. No, so that's always an important thing to know, which is why we adjusted our relationship title from open to free. Because I think open implies that there is a continuous engagement or a recent engagement and we haven't engaged openly since prior to when we were engaged. Yeah, married. Yeah, nothing has changed in terms of our feelings about it and the choices. But I haven't met anybody that I have felt that I wanted to make that step with. I haven't met anybody either, but I just think there's no time. Like the responsibilities in our relationship has changed. There is always time. There is always time. But in realistic terms, the responsibilities of what we have to do for each other has changed. If we were ever in a space where I felt not as connected with you, that would be the last time that I would be appreciative of you being like, now's the time. I want to see what Susie's up to. Yeah, no, that is a very good point. I think because I would need more energy for you. I would need more energy for this connection, more energy to be like filling myself with love and hobbies and positivity so I could bring that back to you, adding in the uncertainty of another romantic relationship at the time when you and I are not as strong as we are right now. I feel would be would make it less likely that we would be able to get through it. And nothing is more important to me than my hope and my aspiration to spend my life with you. Yeah, I think we would get through it. I think it would just be a more uncomfortable. Yeah, so I think like if I'm actually going to show my boobs to somebody, it's because I'm so in love with you and so happy with you. And I feel very connected with you. And I'm like, someone new should see them too. Yeah, my husband thinks are so great. What do you think that's that would be the the premise of that? Oh, gosh. Can we first take a little quick pause to shout out Squarespace right now? So recently, actually, many of you might be aware that I tried to do the texting app thing for a while, which is supposed to replace newsletters for emails. And I just didn't like it. I really, through that experience, thought email newsletters. One are for me because it's more of an educational tool. And two, I should be using them more. Yeah, and I was with a different email newsletter service provider. And this entire time I'm working with Squarespace, I knew they had one. But I just kept putting off the transfer. Well, it's a level of a learning curve that you have to figure out. But it's actually not that hard. It was not that hard. And that's the beautiful thing about Squarespace. So much cheaper, like stupid cheaper. Like I'm talking about I was paying 500 bucks a month before. I think I'm paying 500 for the year. Yeah, that's beautiful. And they're better templates. Yeah, they're not old and tacky. Yeah, so much easier to use. And so now I'm making a commitment to actually doing a monthly newsletter. Yeah. So go to my Squarespace, please, and sign up. I'm going to be having updates on what I'm doing, updates on my show sexology, and if you also want to simplify your life and save some money and make it look stunning, man, I just suggest Squarespace. All I'm saying in short is go check it out. Build a website for free, have fun. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Shambudi to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, next, you want to talk about and this is 100% a real choice for you. You want to talk about the emotional side or the sex side of our relationship? Let's do emotional. OK. I think emotionally, pregnancy was a little bit of a roller coaster so far. Every dude that I met or I've talked to about the pregnancy, they're like, oh, you live with a pregnant woman. Good luck. So I didn't really understand it at first because, you know, you were sick the first trimester and it was cool. And then after you got done with the first trimester, you were like back to normal, like there was no difference. And then now that you creeped into the third trimester, there was a tad bit of a switch that happened. There's two layers. I feel a little bit of a guilt. I feel a little bit of guilt for it because I do know that after you went into back to normal, I kind of sat back a little bit when it came to the pregnancy, I kind of trusted that you were perfectly fine, like there was nothing going on. So I didn't take, you know, dinner. I didn't take over certain situations that could have made it easier on you. Which is interesting that you were going to point that out because I have said to you, you have been so dutiful. You have been an incredibly dutiful husband who has been there for me and gone above and beyond to try to make my life simpler. There is the emotional side of things, though, that I feel that's where things got tricky. But I don't know if that trick is between you or between me and me. Well, it's a perfect storm. It's a perfect storm because right when you started switching over into the third trimester, I like kicked it up in my own brand. And I started focusing on building something for myself, which led to me not working on your stuff as much or being able to connect. It led to me staying up late, not getting the same bedtimes. When you are here and home, I'm working on something. Yeah, I was telling you that one of my favorite people in the world, Dr. Barry, and was telling me about that through life, we go through this inclusion and independent achievement spiral almost. And so like when you're a baby, it's all about inclusion. And then when you're almost a toddler, it's about achievement and independence where you're like, no, like the word no is your favorite word. And then you might go through like a mommy, daddy phase. Then you go to school and now you want to be around your friends. And that weave constantly happens. And what was really hard for me is that I was starting going through this really heavy inclusion time because I didn't have my family around me. And I'm my body is changing. And like all I wanted to do was be as close to you as possible. Just like, and you rightfully so, especially because you had already spent that pandemic looking after me. And so in many ways, it was like, although you were there to look after me, I still didn't want to be talked to, touched. I slept all the time. We didn't even sleep in the same bed because I felt so sick. And so it was like I needed you there, but I didn't really want you there in a way just because I was just feeling like shit. And then when I started to feel better, it was like, I didn't need you there in the same way, but it's like all I wanted, like be on top of me, like be inside of me, like be with me. And I think you were like, OK, well, now that you're OK, can I have some breathing room to do me? And I have some ideas that I want to get out. And through pandemic, I want to feel progressive this year. I want to feel proud of my 2020. And so it just felt like we were on opposite sides of like the inclusion and the independence thing. And that like hurt so much. Yeah. And I definitely feel super guilty about it because you can't. The hard thing I think for me was that I know like there's this the thing with being like an expert, there's no bunny quotes. I'm a fucking expert. Yeah. But the thing with being an expert is that even though you still have an awareness of what's right in some certain moments, it is difficult to override your feelings. Yeah. So while I'm acting out, while and I acted out, y'all, but while I'm acting out, I'm sorry. I also have this thing in my mind, like even when we're having this conversation, I don't want to hear you say that you feel guilty for wanting to individually achieve. I don't ever look at it as this is a shan thing. I look at it as like this is a circumstance thing. And once you don't have the baby inside of you, I don't think this will ever be an issue. Yeah. And I hope not. I mean, like this is the thing is like, I'll just say, like, I feel deeply ashamed. I think twice, I think once in the first trimester, I had a day where I was like, Holy fuck, you are being so ridiculous, but I can't stop now because I've already started. And that's the day I locked myself in this room for the day. And it was just literally because Jared didn't give me like a good morning hug that was like the whole entire thing. And then the second time was like very recently and this entire time in our relationship, like I think we both have claims to fame. So your claim to fame is that you've never called me a name. And you have not to this day. Never not stupid, not dummy, definitely not bitch, nothing. My claim to fame is that I've never lost my temper. Yeah. I'd never yelled before. Yeah. You've yelled. I have. I've called names. Yeah. So it was like, OK, kind of balanced out on the scoreboard. And now I've lost my temper. Yeah, you're having a big hormonal change happening. Yeah. So this is not a thing that is a result of you, you know, if that makes any sense, this is a circumstance thing. When was another time in our relationship that you felt that there was consistent rockiness? No. I think when we first moved in together to our second department. We actually made a video just like this. I'm not as nice as you. And that's something that I'm working on. I think I'm getting better through you. And I'm definitely becoming more empathetic, more patient, more open, more loving. But it's not this income is natural for me to be like that. Being nice has been learned. And I don't want to get I don't want it to be abused. But it's been learned. It's been something that I worked hard for. So it's like I am nice. I am. But I worked really hard for it. So, like, I have mean thoughts, too. You know, I have I have a mean side, too. But I I self control that. And so, you know, I don't I don't ever look at you as somebody that can't control it. So when you do get mean, it lights me up. Yeah, but I was but I didn't feel like it was every two years like moving. Yeah. And I was just like this. That it wasn't as long as this thing like crazy. And she just needs to relax. Yeah. But I didn't I never I never really I didn't think it was consistent. You did. It wasn't consistent, but it was like more the frequency of disagreements and not feeling aligned. Yeah, was there at that time. Obviously, I hope you are aware that postpartum is going to be another fucking beast. Yeah. This clear skin. That's the result of a boost of hormones. Yes, of a balance of hormones that is keeping the baby alive and thriving and keeping my hair and my nails and my skin and my mood up. And then as soon as the baby is gone, there is a drastic readjustment that happens in the body again. And so once again, I'm going to be almost back on that first trimester roller coaster of whose body is this? Who am I and who the fuck are you? Yeah. Well, hopefully, you know, the joy of the baby being here is going that's not the truth, though. That's if actually if anything with postpartum, that makes it worse. Really? Because people feel the guilt, like I'm supposed to be happy. It's supposed to be fulfilling me with the baby, but I'm so miserable. And so it compounds it because you have this logical idea in your mind of how you're supposed to feel. How long does it last? I feel like it's I don't want to give a medical answer on this, but I'm going to estimate six months. Wow. Maybe three to six months. It is so hard to be a woman. It is so hard to be a woman. I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. How has pregnancy changed sex for us? How has it changed it? Um, I think in the beginning, it was tough for me. It was. Tell him, Jay. It was. I couldn't do it. Physically, she wasn't working. I don't know. There was something weird about. Having sex and knowing that there's a baby right there, and I didn't know if I was going to hit it or, you know, I didn't want to hurt it. There was just so many things I just didn't know. And my brain couldn't get into it. It wasn't fun. It wasn't exciting. It wasn't something that I was into. Do you feel what do you feel you've evolved in that now? I think now I kind of just I've been able to grapple with it and I'm fine now. I still miss normal sex. So, you know, there's just not as many positions that we can get into. It's a lot slower. Like we're just kind of like rolling around, you know? So I do miss it. It's doable now. It's doable now. I would say that there's been like one time that I've been like, this is competitively great sex. Oh, really? Yeah. Why, though? So physically, you feel more. Do you notice that I orgasm quicker? I just thought that because we don't have sex as much. So like you're just like ready for it, so to speak. I don't think so. I think well, there's I have double. This is the reason why my ring doesn't fit anymore, which I have to take this off because it's like really constricting me. My rings don't fit anymore. Like I have double the blood right now. Yeah. And then as well to like your blood flow is increased. So there's when you're getting aroused, it can take up to 20 minutes in order to get the maximum amount of blood to the area. And like now it's just there. You could start eating out right now and I'm basically fully aroused. Oh, wow. And wet all the time. So yeah, physiologically, your body is more prime for great sex, but emotionally, it is really and mentally. It's kind of tough. Yeah, because you're not seeing your body as you're used to seeing it. And even like, oh, my gosh, one time I had my hands like holding my pelvic area, you know, for tactical reasons and I could feel the baby like moving around. Yeah, that'll take me out. Not now. You know, so that'll take me out. That'll take me out. I wouldn't be able to do it. I know, but you just have to be like, it's better for the baby. Yeah, it actually does benefit the baby and it is healthy and it is normal. And the more that I'm getting those positive emotions and the oxytocin that's released and the dopamine that's released, all those things do benefit the baby. So you have to like keep that in mind even after baby is born. Yeah, us continuing to have an intimate connection and a great sex life is beneficial for everybody. But it was tough in the beginning. You know, what's actually very fascinating when I want to ask you about our topic of sex is. Strangely enough, I never feel like you want to have sex more than I do because I've had reasons. We'll draw this whole pregnancy. Oh, yeah. Like first trimester, not interested at all. Yeah, I just felt sick. I felt gross, not interested. And even now, like our frequency has gone down. But I don't feel as though you want to be having sex more, but you were just like, OK, well, she doesn't want to. So I'm going to ease up. Well, I think it's a place in the part of just like, I think I'm just not into pregnant sex, you know? I think that's just like it's it's it's something like for me, sex is so mental and I do it because obviously we have to orgasm. It's just to be normal. It sounds really romantic. But no, no, we do. We so I think we have to do it and it is still good now. We still have good sex. But I just think if I had to choose, you know, I. Enjoy regular sex. It is different. Yeah, I think it is different. Is there anything else specifically that you want to like tack on at the end? No, I just want to say thank you. No, thank you. And I want to say how proud I am of you. Like I'm so in awe of your development this year. It is crazy to me, Jared. Really? Jared has started his own podcast. It's called Enjoy the Podcast. It's himself and two other dudes, which I'm actually really want to celebrate that too, because maybe the end of last year, you set an intention to want to make more male friendships that were meaningful to you with people that you felt you could learn something from. Yeah. And this podcast is really about male bonding. Yeah, it's, you know, I guess the new age millennial man, not even millennial, just the new age man and perspectives, you know, we're just going to be dealing with everything man. I love that you're getting to do that. And I know that it takes you away from me and it takes time away from us. And I think even now your collaboration to musically have just expanded so much. And you're now excelling as a producer, as somebody who's a content creator. And there's just so many parts of you that I'm seeing flourish independent of me. And I love that because it allows you to bring more back to the relationship when we do connect. I will always look back on this year and just feel so fond of you just because you just all you've been all that I've had. And so if ever I'm like tripping or acting out, it's just because I just know how much you mean to me and I know how much I love you. And there's no scarier thought than you not loving me as much as I love you. We are making a step that I used to dream about getting our first home, having our first kid. And so to see who I am doing it with is like I couldn't have planned it better. I am so excited. I'm grateful. I'm grateful too. Merry Christmas, Jared Brady. Merry Christmas. Why Merry Christmas? It felt like the end of a Christmas movie, isn't it?