 Welcome everybody to the Red Man group live from Warsaw, Poland. I am your moderator and your host, Edwin Williams. This is being brought to you by Tactical Soap. Hey, get that edge in the bedroom. Get your Tactical Soap on by going to www.tacticalsoap.com. Also this is being brought to you by the next 21 convention that's going on October 24th through the 27th. Get your crayons out for more information. Go to the 21convention.org and you're good to go. So I want to welcome everybody. Thank you for joining us today. Now, before we get into our subject and everything, let's talk to our panel and every and we're going to go around like we did before. AJ, tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell everybody about yourself in the world, what you do, who you are, not about your hair. All right, what's up, gentlemen? So this has been my third 21 convention. It's been a hell of an experience. Being in Europe is obviously a different thing in the United States. And it gives you a perspective when you step outside your cultural bubble and go somewhere else. And you realize that places are different. There's different issues, but things are very much the same with masculinity everywhere, that the same qualities that exist in one country, they exist in another. That that definition of masculinity or what makes a man a man that doesn't really change place to place. It might be expressed a bit differently, but those values are always very eternal. And the conversations as well that I've had here probably been the best I've ever had since you're just talking to men from different places, you know, approaching myself and I think about sort of my state of life from where I started 10 years ago, which is personal training to now. It's been a hell of a transformation and seeing what 21 convention is turning into and seeing what the men here are trying to turn themselves into, it's inspiring, legitimately is. So. I'm Sarkates for many and up smart. I help men and women navigate today's sexual marketplace and I'm a very vocal advocate for fathers and fatherhood. OK, I'm Nick Crowzer, crowzerpoa.com. I'm probably most known for being a day game coach, teaching men how to hit on women during the day to seduce them. My name is Richard Brannan. I run Spartan Life Poets dot com. And I predominantly focus on helping people to escape from toxic and abusive relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. My name is John Cooper. I have a company called Art of Social. And I teach men and women how to connect, how to cultivate intimacy and romance without using game, if you like, sort of the standard game methods. I am Anthony Dream Johnson. I do pretty much this all day, every day. For the past 13 years. And now I am the recent accidental soul owner of the Redman Group as well as 21 Studios. And I own the majority of the convention. I'm also the sole founder of that. So that's what I do. Now, the black Anthony. No, I'm just joking. So, um, I'm Steve the D Williams from the man mindset.com. You already know me, but let's go into it. AJ, the 21 convention. What is your experience? Tell it. Tell everybody. What was it like being here in Warsaw, Poland to be around these great men? What was your experience like in everything? Man, hell of a time. Warsaw, I mean, being in Poland, I'd never been to Poland before. It's very cool. In the United States, we're all living in California. So California, it's a diverse state. The culture there is basically like avocado toast and money, which is, you know, nothing really substantial. And when you come to a place like Poland has a very long history. It's been here thousands of years. The people here are very obviously tied to the area with extreme sense of hereditaryness in history. And that's just it's cool. It's like I said, it's very nice to step outside of one's world and have it another one. And, you know, the 21 convention as well, like these for the three events I've gone to each one is sort of up to the level, so to speak, like I said before. So I'm in a good mood. Oh, yeah. I was lucky to be able to come in about a week week early. And so, you know, being an architect, it's always interesting to see the manifestation of values and culture and society in place. And then, of course, the problem with architecture is that it's a snapshot in time that then exists for decades afterwards. And you very much see that today in Warsaw. You see a snapshot of old, old culture interblending with new. And the interesting element is that much of the very, very old culture, they actually had a resurrect because the city was literally ruined, that they literally flattened it post occupancy to be a sign and a symbol to the world of Nazi's vengeance on a very, very petulant child and people that he saw in the Polish people and the Polish nation. And so it's really wondrous to see how they were very immense stewards and caretakers for their old history in the old town areas. It was also very interesting to see the current examples of Soviet block architecture that was going to last decades and decades and decades, still serving a utilitarian purpose. One of the most stark reminders is a very, very large governmental building rights outside of our hotel. That is an immense out of us to just a very vicious control. State governmental building is literally a stamp on the nation. And it's a vicious placement and an ugly reminder of a period that they outgrew and shed themselves of. And surrounding it is new commerce and new ideas being expressed in vertical form and some magnificent skyline. So from an architectural perspective, if you come down to Warsaw, you could just travel the streets and leave and feel like you've seen Poland. Right. Quite interesting that you gave a architects point of view, because one of the things I often coach my students on is different people see the street differently. If you walk down a busy street as a policeman or as a pickpocket or as an architect or as, say, a skirt chasing man, you're going to see the street in an experience in a very different way. So that very same area you speak about with that huge government building. I think it was one of Stalin's. I think it's 14 of them sport, one of them Russia, I believe. And that is one of the main day game areas of Warsaw, because Warsaw is actually a very, very good day game city. I've been coming here for years. I know a lot of the guys. Yeah, unlike most of the panel, I'm actually quite familiar territory here because Warsaw looked at it from my eyes. I'm thinking it's a big city over a million people. It's got a very concentrated pedestrian hub. You've got a mall next to a train station and a bus station, which guarantees footfall. They all come through in front of this building you talk about along the park on a very narrow bottleneck. Then they come out to a metro station, then they come out to a big shopping street, then there's another metro station, then there's a great little coffee street leading to university. And for a daygamer, you're just thinking, this is awesome. Oh, it's a total funnel. And then and then you add in the fact that Polish women are hot. And it's a very slim city and culturally, they're very open to receiving the male advance, they get the whole idea of the male female man makes the advance woman receives it politely and then judges upon it. So yes, well, like while you're walking around, intimately interested in the architecture, I'm like intimately interested at street level, thinking this is a wonderful place. Yeah, yeah, it really is. Why to follow on from my Geordie colleague here at the Scouts perspective. From a psychologist point of view, I agree completely like you live inside of a reality tunnel, so I'm looking around and I look at it like through the filter of psychology and my initial reflection on Poland and Polish people in Warsaw would be this is a proud place. It's an intellectually curious place. It's well-mannered and it's civilized. They have boundaries here. I love that. It's great. My reflections on the 21 Convention as a first time speaker here. Similarly, the people that have come to the convention, as I was saying yesterday, it's a higher IQ crowd, which actually found quite intimidating because, you know, I can I could sense when I was delivering to them that they were not just keeping up with me. They were actually keeping up with me and then making their conclusions. And I was thinking, OK, I need to speak a little bit faster here. So it's been a good experience coming here, challenging experience. And I'm really, really glad I came. Thank you for having me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm actually half Polish. My mum's Polish. Don't ask me to say any Polish because I can't. Apart from Yes Deszpads or Piękna, if anyone knows what that means, you'll have to look it up later. But yeah, I'm really glad I'm here. I've been wanting to come and do this talk for a while now. And yeah, it's a long time coming. There was something else I was going to say about Warsaw, but I think it's been said already. Yes, a very proud place. The people very family orientated, they're very loving, the very giving. And there is like a sense of. They want the man to be strong and in that traditional sense. And there is that polarity there. And yeah, I just think it's this country sort of hasn't been hit with the the soy boy stick yet and hasn't been hit with that with feminism. And so it's one of the last sort of remaining places where you can come and actually be a man, I think. So probably why Anthony chose to do the event here. Yeah, yeah. So I'm known for I came here back in March to scout the venues know to get to know the city, things like that. And I fell in love with it immediately. I was blown away, very, very impressed with a multitude of things. But one of the things above all, and I don't know if I mentioned this too much so far, I think the opening address, I mentioned it briefly. But this country and specifically Warsaw is a city and a people that are extremely tough and masculine, but separate from the masculinity, just fucking tough as nails. This country and the city has been through hell and back multiple times. And this country and the people here, they have win or lose. You don't win everything, right? Win or lose, they're willing and they have been demonstrated the ability to fight to the fucking death for what they believe in their home and their country. That's one of the main reasons I chose a city in this country. These people are tough as fucking nails and they will fight to the death what they believe in. And I'm guessing that they will come against them that they have to do that, hopefully not for a long, long time. Hundreds of years. But as history has shown, that's not the case usually. So fuck yeah, I love this city and love these people. Well, from a architect, the Pua and a psych. Well, let me tell you something from an ex-jigolo that ain't shit anymore. I tell you what, I being able to walk out there and see all that snow on the ground, I'm like, what? Oh, that means snow bunnies for y'all to understand. Brothers like snow bunnies, you call it snow bunnies. Anyway, so what I'm saying is I, as far as the 21 I can't tell you, I love the you guys out there that are here live. You guys have made the sacrifice. You guys want to learn. And I tip my hat off to all of you guys out there because you have to drive the passion and the discipline to want to sit and gain the knowledge. So that's what that was what I feel is the best experience is seeing you guys just so attentive and paying attention and asking great questions. And after it's over, coming up and talking and interacting. And I think that's the best thing now that being said, Anthony, tell us a lot of things have been happening for the last few months has been up and down, crazy and all that other bullshit. But I want you to talk. You have the mic. So tell us what's going on right now, as far as the Redman group. Yeah, just in simple terms, I wanted to clear up. So earlier this year, you know, our main bridge group Rattle Spat I ended up offering to buy him out from the Redman group and he accepted as kind of a surprise thing. It was me, him and Rollo behind the scenes, working the South as the owners of the company, the founders. And so I bought him out. And then I became the controlling member of the company through 21 Studios. Recently, you know, I mean, Rollo had her fights, obviously. And then there was another member in this group that offered to buy him out that ended up working out. He made an offer to somebody, blah, blah, blah behind the scenes. Basically, as he announced on his blog a couple of days ago, I don't know, like a week ago or something, he actually resigned from the company, leaving me the sole owner of the company, which is kind of interesting because I was the one who didn't really want to turn it into a company. Like him and Rich talked to me like, hey, let's start a company, you know, make it official and stuff. That was in like early summer 2018. And I like the way it was. We were bouncing it between 21 Studios channel and Richard Cooper's channel, entrepreneurs and cars. And I like that setup. They wanted to formalize it. And eventually I was like, right, fuck it, let's just make a company. No work it out. And for a while it was cool. That's what people got to know. So at the end of the day, though, now I'm the sole owner of it. So I'm like, oh, shit. All right, let's keep doing it. And you and Donvin killing it, all the guys, the new shows we got going. A hundred views, got the patriarch show, of course, going strong every other Thursday. So yeah, it's kind of an accidental company. I found myself owning that completely, but I do love it and I'm glad we get to do it. And I know for years, I don't know if people, a lot of people probably don't know this, but behind the scenes, Socrates and a few others would, I really wanted to get a badass podcast for the Manisphere and 421 Studios. And I could never quite nail that. I couldn't find the branding for it. Like it was at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't find it. So we had like the 21 convention podcast, there's all the episodes of that. We had like 21 radios, a brand, but none of those things ever took off. But the red man group, I think is powerful and it's got legs, it has like a strong future. And that's how we see it like this. 21 conventions have been around for 13 years. I think the red man group has a long and bright and strong future. So I'm happy to own it, even if it wasn't the intention at the beginning. Life just comes at you sometimes in weird, you know, crazy ass ways. And so here we are in fucking Poland hosting the second episode of the red man group, live from Poland. Live from Poland, y'all me. Y'all me? Back son. There we go, yes. AJ, you smooth, you dapper, you debonair. So I've been told. You debonair. I mean, you can, if I had, you know, a wig right now, I can shake it over to the left and make the lady go, oh, melt. Let's talk about love, AJ. Let's talk about. We should take on that, sir. Well, back in before you hop into this, AJ has made it really, he said there's, I think a few points on Twitter and stuff, if I'm not mistaken. It's in the man's fear, love is a dirty bad word. There's a few exceptions to that, like for the fathers talking about loving their children. Outside of that, it's like, well, what? You love your wife? Like what's wrong with you? Or some shit like that, right? You love your girlfriend? AJ is like, you love a woman? Yeah, exactly. AJ is like, fuck that shit. You know, I'll do what I want. So that was pretty cool. And I know Richard Granite, I think this is in a similar boat. So I thought having them talk about it really, really cool. That's much good. Well, love has the power to strain, create, and equal measure. Something that I rise with a man's fear, sort of falling into it by accident the last three years is that historically you were dealing with men or it was started by men who struggled with relationships. You know, and that's fairly well acknowledged. Like he was pick up artistry, obviously. He was a man that wanted to get laid. Okay, cool. Then it was men they wanted to understand a woman a little bit better. Maybe they had failed relationships, failed marriages, a lot of failed marriages in some cases. So you had men where they had been traumatized by their experiences. And then oftentimes it characterized the conversation. I thought excessively so at times, but then over the past, you know, you could say roughly going on two decades it's been existence. You have men now where they want to talk about relationships because they've gotten older or they just, they've had enough sex. They've, you know, they might be in the 30s, 40s and they want to know that they can have something functional. So when we talk about love, like love is a force, you know, it is something that we all express in different ways in different people and it's pretty infinite and it's in its definition. You know, I think men who are afraid to love or they have a fear of this relationships in general or a fear of women, that's unresolved trauma. You know, that's something that you probably need. You know, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, you need some form of healing to work through that. Then you also need to bring with that an awareness that the past will always replicate itself so long as you are continuously afraid of what you are afraid of. I've never been afraid to love women and I've never really, I could say if I've really been hurt by them badly. You know, maybe I'm just lucky. Maybe I'm the vast outlier and you're never gonna be like me and I just, I got the golden genes that way. But I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's the case at all. I was never, I've never been afraid of anything or I haven't ever been afraid of getting hurt ever. And I also was always very keenly aware of my own self-worth value, my, you know, what's the term everybody likes to use? I was always my own mental point of origin and I had relationships that worked out and I had relationships that didn't but I never regretted any of them. And when things didn't go that way, I always knew it was my fault because women tend to follow your lead and sometimes you can lead yourself off a cliff if you don't know any better. But that happens. So it never occurred to me that one should be afraid of that. It wasn't really until I found the Mass Beer that I realized that they were a lot of men who were really afraid of women. They were afraid of love. They were afraid of anything that resembled intimacy, closeness, a bond, what have you. And they've done a lot of mental gymnastics in some cases to sort of construct boundaries around that that they hopefully are protected from loss, which is okay, I suppose. But I don't think living that way where you have boundaries around your self-expression is ever growing to deliver you a very fulfilled experience, a fulfilling experience. Of course, your life. We look up to men who are infinite in their being and mankind always has that sort of paroch aspiration that what is a hero? The hero is the one that saves the world and he does everything and he can be everything. And the female fantasy, like I talked about yesterday during my talk, the female fantasy is sort of the man that does everything. He's both the brute and the cad and the gentleman and the good provider and the father and the lover and the seducer and the warrior. He's all these things at once. And I think that's a really cool sort of standard that we try to aspire to. And then, what do we look for in men as men? We try to find the man that cives everything or who has taken one thing and made his obsession and can do it so many different ways and express himself so many different ways that we're always dazzled by that level of mastery. That's what we look at. So how do you get to that level? You have to love life. You have to have a lust for life. I love everything I do. I love everybody I know. And to this point, I can't say that that has not worked out. So. I guess I do understand love as a unconditional response to virtue and that can be displayed by any number of means. We talk in a romantic sense. It may be to a partner whose virtues are on display, the things that I need and want and appreciate. And I have an unconditional response to that. I think that's a terribly natural progression. I think mammals are particularly adept at bonding. I know there's a lot of research in on that. People who studied the pathways to romance to how we actually pair bond and bond. There's several different pathways. A romantic connection is clearly one of them. A simply sheer sexual attraction is another. And you can also go through a friendship route, which is not necessarily as effective, but it can be done. I don't recommend it for a whole host of reasons. But what I find interesting in the Manisphere is kind of this ugly connotation is that through the people's trauma, they came together to kind of resolve this issue. And I think inherent in that trauma. And I think a lot of the trauma is legitimate. I'm not trying to delegitimize the trauma at all. But the process of healing is that they pushed aside any unconditional responses that they would have. And in particular, where there were virtue, where they're previously harmed. I think that there's this issue where when you get burned once, you're resident to put your hand back on a stove. And that there are a number of behavioral patterns I think people have done that may have been an error that led themselves to be hurt. And to ill-advidably placed their trust and vulnerability in a pattern where they would respond unconditionally. And so I think the Manisphere in itself is gonna be looking at love in the future with a different lens as we progress to responsibly place our trust and respect in those entities and relationship structures that we can trust and honestly place an unconditional response to those virtues. But sadly, I think there's a lot of men out there that are thought leaders that are not worthy of those virtues, they know it. And therefore they will naturally shun that. And I think we're seeing a lot of that on display in their writings, in their texts and their analysis and conclusions that they draw. And that's the antithesis of love. That's a self-loathing that you see projected out. And I think ultimately what does not get resolved gets transmuted through. And I think you see that lack of love in an individual's life, that trauma, neglect, abuse, maltreatment, betrayal. I think you're seeing a lot of that projected and it's being placed on love inappropriately. Well, I think there's a general perception that pickup artistry in game is in some way the pose to the idea of love looks down on it. Like, oh, you've been a chump, you've been a chode and so on. And I think that's because of the time and place where pickup artistry first became famous and got developed. And to still hold that view is kind of like a straw man. It's moved on a lot since then. So if you look at the origins of pickup artistry, it was a reaction to feminism, a reaction to the hookup culture. And it was about how can we get ours? But there was a sense of nihilism about it all that, you know, Rome's burning, let's play the fiddle. I'm not gonna jump in front of a bus myself. It's not worth it. I'll just go out and get mine. And then it developed primarily on the West Coast of America in the urban centers of what I would call the degenerate cities. And the two main stars of it early on, mystery and style were Cluster B personalities. Mystery with compensatory narcissists grew up extremely codependent, narcissistic parents and then used pickup as a way of pushing that outside and turning himself into a narcissist, but not a true one, a very fragile one. And therefore that set up an adversarial relationship with women, that it's manipulative, that you get into win-lose interactions. And that because they were the original famous pickup artists, that set the frame and that set the public perception. When Neil Strauss' book came out as a best seller, that's now the go-to cultural icon of the pickup artist. But this is like 2003, 2004. A lot has changed. There's been a lot of intellectual development within the game community. And one of the key things as it regards love is game is a skill set or a mindset. And pickup artistry is a lifestyle choice. They are not the same thing. You can be one without the other. You can be someone who's got a very good understanding of male-female dynamics, very good at dealing with women but not to choose to be a player. Such as say Donald Trump right now. And then you can also get a load of players who are just utterly incompetent and have no game and just run around like headless chickens. And of course you can have men who do both who up until recently I was one of them. So game I think is a bit like fire in that it can warm your house or can burn it down depending on how you control it. So there's no question that if you run around chasing skirt especially if you are coming from a position of trauma or lack of success in the past, you'll usually hear payaways have a zero to hero story. They'll always tell you, I was a loser, I couldn't get laid. Then I discovered this magic and now I'm the boss. They tend to follow this kind of narrative. So if people are coming from a position of lacking or trauma in my case from a divorce, it can then you add game to that especially if you have the wrong mentors and the wrong concept of game and you don't get into the win-win honest open version of it. You can very easily develop a avoidant attachment disorder. Now it used to be my relationship advice to people. This has gone back like five years. Whereas if you've got a problem with your girlfriend just been I get a new one. It's like a extreme abundance system because you know how to go out and get new women. You know how to make them like you. You know how to maneuver them into the positions you want. You know your plates, your rotation or that really awful word Harim. And it massively puts up your ego. You get a lot of casual sex. I feel like the boss. But what I found personally and what a lot of my friends found is success can be failure if you don't handle it because you just become incapable of relating to women as anything other than a sex object. Now you can definitely get out of this. I'm not saying, you know, if you follow a player's lifestyle you'll condemn to this but it's a danger just like we're fire. You got to know how to control it. You got to be aware of it and you've got to be aware of the impact it has on your personality such as accelerating your need for novelty and dopamine through having so much novelty and dopamine. So I think I've come out of that. I know other friends who never even fell into that trap but I think this is where the bad reputation of pickup artist becomes as it relates to love and attachment and getting married is you can go through the cycle and I think people who don't like pickup will tend to latch onto that element of it, caricature it and say, hey, look, pickup's a lot of shit. It turns you into weirdo. All right, yeah, be sorry. This is my intimidated face. Those who've been following me for a while you don't see this much. I could, just on a few things that the last three gentlemen have said I could probably talk for an hour and a half just trying to pull that apart and sort of look at it and explore it. This is what I'm talking about when I'm saying the level at this convention is higher than I thought. I kind of suspected some of the guys would just strut around on stage shouting, respect the cock. And I'm slightly disappointed that nobody has. Respect the cock. Respect the cock. In honor of Tom Cruise, I just wanted to say that. Respect the cock. Wow, so where should we take this? Culturally, politically, sociologically? The ideas that I just heard that would be condensed would be that some of the guys that we have in this community that I'm a newcomer to, that I'm learning are clearly traumatized. They've built scar tissue psychologically and emotionally around that trauma and then their world view is the world view of a traumatized person. That includes love because that is where intimacy is. When we're talking about emotional dysregulation, personality disorders and emotional flashbacks because all personality disorders are a response to trauma. As Ivan said the other day, everybody wants to be a psychopath. Ain't nobody wanna lift no heavy ass trauma. Very, very true. It's a response to pain. And so if you're very emotionally dysregulated, you're gonna see things in a fucked up way. You're gonna live in a dark reality tunnel. We call this post-traumatic and bitumen syndrome. And so love is intimacy. And intimacy is always the biggest trigger of emotional flashbacks. And that's what holds the personality disorders in place. So this probably is a topic that we've worth coming back to again and again and again. Obviously we all have a lot to say about it. But we can make love great again. I think that we can make it safe again. We can make it, sorry. I have that hat, I have that hat. You have that hat? I didn't bring it, it's Florida. Oh, okay. I had, he wore it, I interviewed for it. Oh, okay, okay. I have a couple of options. He's like, oh, I'll take that one. Well, listen, I mean, I think that's a great thing for us to push forward and go, look, it's not about respect to the cock and stomping around on stage. It's actually like, yeah, we want intimate bonds. I'll do that. I mean, if you got to do that, I'll say I should. Yeah, absolutely, you're the man for that job. Fuck yeah. So the last thing I just want to close on with, because I could go on about this a lot, is when people have scar tissue and they're responding to pain, they want to be invulnerable. The stereotype we've been fed is that's men. Men want to be shielded. It's so not true. I've been working 80% with women for the last seven years. The amount of armoured, toxically masculine women that I've encountered is it's the majority. Because of pain, you want to shield from the pain. But the tricky thing is, if there's no vulnerability, you can't have intimacy. And if you can't have intimacy, there's no love. And I would finish by saying, we now live in a love deficit culture, a love deficit environment. And that's why people are addicted to social media, because we're not paying each other attention. And it's all kinds of love. It's love between parents and children. It could be love between friends. It could be love between, you know, whatever it is, it's not, we've sexualized it. That's an infantile response. Everybody's now obsessed with sex, because we're also sexually repressed. So you think love, you think romantic movies, you think sex, it needs to be more than that. It can be loved with a little L and it should be more out there in the environment. I'll stop there. Shall I go, yeah? Okay. All right, so my talk yesterday was about when I was coming from a closed heart, I saw things in a very fearful way. I wanted to control and force outcomes. And actually, my highest lay count, if you like, came at a time when I was at my lowest and I had very little self-love. And actually, when I fostered that self-love and I sort of took care of myself, built up that self-esteem, I didn't see women in the same way. There's a guy called Joe Dispens, who talks about neurology, you know, the pathways in the brain. He says, when you're coming from fear, you're coming from survival, you see the territory as objects and things, and you need to control those objects and things to get that thing that you need. He says, when you're coming from love, you see everything as potential and possibility, and you don't need to force and control outcomes. Now, when I was a pickup artist, my heart had closed, I was coming from fear and survival, and I needed to get those girls, otherwise I wouldn't feel good. It was external, I needed that external validation, like Pac-Man, I gave the example of Pac-Man, needs his peace, he needs his pill to make himself feel temporarily whole. But when I started to heal my own heart, I was no longer coming from forcing control outcomes, I was no longer coming from a place of taking, I came from a place of just expressing like the sun, just wanting to shine on people. And if I shine on you and you step in the shade, how am I gonna feel, how's the sun gonna feel? There's no rejection for the sun. But if I'm going out there like the beggar, hitting the streets on a Saturday trying to do game, and I don't get my results, I don't get my girls, what do we call that? I'm rejected. You see, it's coming for me, get the game paradigms coming from a closed heart, it's not coming from a loving place. When you do that self-love, when you do that heartistry, I call it heartistry, you see the world in a totally different place. You're no longer trying to control and force outcomes. You see the world when you go into a bar, I don't see it like Terminator, I watch your boots and your motorcycle and you see this drop down red screen and you're sort of looking for your target with your obstacle and your wingman and your bit shields and your, it's military, come on guys, it's war. You're seeing women as like going to war, like trying to defeat them. I see it as one big pool of potential. I walk into a place, potential lovers, potential best friends, potential great stories to share, potential just great jokes to be had, and I don't need to force and control anything. I can go into this like a lucid dream and be both the participant and the creator. And no matter what happens, I'll always come away winning. I never go home with my tail between my legs with my wingman and think, how can we create a better field report or how can we create a better military strategy next time? One's coming from fear, a lack of love, and the other one's coming from love. That's what I'm saying about that. At the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, I love that we're talking about love. I love that I have entire panel of men talking about this from the man's sphere and like a rep hope perspective. I didn't even anticipate this whole episode going like this, but it has. I thought it'd be just a quick thing, they'd kind of go back and forth and like, yeah, you're amazing. But yeah, it's pretty cool, fuck yeah. I'm still 30 myself, so these are issues I'm still grappling with and trying to understand. I've been through quite a bit with women at this age. Everybody knows my Mary Medusa story, for example, that's like famous on YouTube and shit. That's more than that. I've had a lot, some before that and a lot since that. So I'm happy that we're talking about it and I'm very curious to keep talking about it over time. And I hope that this spreads out in the man's sphere too beyond the show and beyond this episode. It's an important discussion and I'm glad that these guys are here talking about it. Very real shit, raw shit. And we'll do more of it like random is talking about. So before I talk about love, I want to give you all a little history lesson that kind of go off of what you were saying about mystery and styles. There was a guy by the name of Doc Love in the 70s. I was told that he learned from pimps, players max. He didn't learn the game because the game is not about women. He took the little piece of the game, a pinch of the game about the women. And he turned that into something and he had an apprentice named Doc Ross Jeffries who took NLP and combined that and came up with speed seduction. He had a, his marketer was Evan, some of the double your dating guy, whoever, yeah, double your date, right. Who then brought in mystery and style. So that's how that went. But what a lot of guys understand and don't realize is that women are emotional. They're mental. Mental, y'all don't know about mental stimulation. Women are mentally turned on. It's not the physical. They like sex, but they love the mental, the touch, the whisper being held. When I was a jiggaloo, that was what I got paid for. I didn't get paid for the sex. I got paid for holding, cuddling, talking and listening. That was what I got paid for, period. The thing that y'all gotta understand is is that the stuff that y'all learning, yeah, it's gonna get you women, but it's not gonna help you keep them. Because a lot of you guys have no idea that when you get with a woman, oh man, it's a shift from a hundred to a zero. You gotta learn how to be, you gotta figure, you are broken up into many sides. You've got your romantic side, your sensual, your seductive, your romantic. You've got your dirty, naughty, kinky. You got all these different sides that you have, but you've gotta learn, yes. Y'all gotta understand, man, walking up to a woman and talking to her has nothing to do with the game. That's just walking up to a woman and talking to her. It's what you do afterwards when she gets in touch with you or y'all exchange information. That's when the game begins. And that's when she's gonna weigh you out with all the other guys who came before you and after you. And again, mental stimulation. It's that phone call, it's that text message. It's being smooth, and we call it talking yak. It's being smooth, like white chocolate, other side of the pillow. Smooth like him over there, my boy George. But what I'm saying to you guys is this, if you don't learn the mental aspects. George is so smooth, he literally has a girl in his arm right now. I know he does. Pancake, right, right, yes. He's so smooth, yeah, he's got a girl. But that's what I'm saying to y'all guys real quick is that you've got to understand that, yes, you can get talked to a woman and yes, you can probably pick her up and yes, you can probably sleep with her. But the real man wants receipts where she sells him to the other woman. It's not just about having sex, eating her out and sleeping with her. Y'all don't even know about the after play. Nobody's ever told y'all to get some lotion, put it in a bowl, warm it up for 15 seconds and rub her body down. You know what that does? That gets her to tell all of her other girlfriends the things that they're missing in their relationships and then they're gonna come knocking on your door because you're able to fulfill something that their men came fulfilled. The biggest thing that made me money is that the 90% of y'all neglect women. Now again, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a whole man. I'm just being, I'm talking about love. But in order to love a woman right, you gotta love yourself. I love her ass and the curves and the hips and thighs, but I love myself that much more. We love her enough to let her ass go, but love me enough to keep building and growing myself and learning and picking up things. So just remember guys, we're about to take questions and stuff or age I'll throw you one, but at the end of the day, guys, y'all gotta remember the mental aspects of sex. Women are mentally stimulated. I eat 50 shades of gray. 50 shades of gray. Do your homework. Look at the statistics of the books in the movies. They had to put plastic covers on the seats in the movie theaters because the women were coming. They had to move dildos and cucumbers. And from that y'all laugh, I'm being serious. There's a lot. And like AJ said, the romantic hero. He said it right. A woman born like born husband. Asshole rides in the town, walks in the town, flies in the town. They get together, they don't, they just cannot connect. He gets on her nerves, but because he was all the things that AJ was saying about the romantic hero, she can't stop mentally thinking about him because he's already mentally fucking her without fucking her. That's the power of being a man who loves himself because again, I'll ask him what I'm saying, sorry. I don't make it about sex because I'm already fucking it when I'm talking to her. I'm making about my time. That's why she comes and wants to fuck me instead of me trying to fuck her. That's love to me. Hey, Jake. No, that's phenomenal, Steve. I mean, I said that yesterday in the presentation that sex for women, sexuality intimacy, it's 90% psychological, 10% mechanical. Yeah, that sometimes has been my sort of critique of the classical sort of RP schemas is it, when you make relationships very mechanistic, you have frame, you want to maintain the frame, you have to always be aware of your positionality at times. You have to obey certain rules. But yeah, you could do all those things, but that's not what it makes a woman attached to you, which a lot of men don't want to admit that they want, so they'll be attached to them. They want intimacy, they want a woman to adore them. How do you do that? You have to give her an incomparable experience. That's in here. That's in here. It's not out here. You can be an attractive guy. You could be an attractive guy that looks, let's say you look like me. I'm gonna be just pat my own ass right now. Let's say you look like me, but you talk to a girl and you're fucking boring. And that's a huge letdown because she looks at you and she gets something in her head that, wow, he's gone. She's thinking of possibilities and potential and what's he gonna say and how's he gonna make me feel? And then you just fall flat. You fall completely flat and you have killed all attraction. And when you confine relationships and intimacy within very fixated paradigms, you're gonna kill the intimacy and attraction because how can it exist? You need to make intimacy infinite. You need to have a woman thinking about you all the time, thinking about what's he gonna do? How's he gonna make me feel? Whether it be physical, sensual, sexual, whatever. It's all of those things. It's all of those things. A man that does all those things, yes, a girl's gonna like you. You have to be really reductionistic. If you're not that and you define yourself with very harsh borders, you're fucking replaceable. And women manipulate and use and discard men. As much as you, a man might think he can manipulate and use and discard women. I mean, that's kind of the position of women socially. We have a whole society of people with attachment disorders who don't want intimacy, who have walls up. And then for women, men are just sexual objects. The female, the cock carousel and the women that sleep with all the men, those are women that view men as sexual objects. They're just a thing. They're an appendage. And the same thing for the men who get stuck in that spiral of just pure sex, nothing else. Women are objects, women are things. We both have objectified each other. And no one's very happy actually living that at all. So how do you get out of that? You got to think in terms of broader possibilities. It's by ticket, it's by convention. By ticket, by law. Yes, and we got questions now, guys. If y'all want to take questions, please let us know. We're gonna take questions then. While we're waiting, guys, this is being brought to you by the 21 convention that's going on in Orlando, Florida, October 24th. Do the 27th, guys. You can get your tickets at v21convention.org. Okay, we're ready to take questions. All right. Take my mic too. Hey guys, my question is, one way for me to be more of a vulnerable man has been to give people benefit of doubt. But is there any other way to be more vulnerable instead of giving people benefit of doubt? Is there some, in the other ways, I can become like a more vulnerable man, more open to understand people, be open to them, have new relationships? Repeat the question, too. Okay, how do you become a more vulnerable man around people and relationships? Socrates? Oh, I'm gonna get to it on that one. In all honesty, you're gonna need to have confidence. And the confidence, I think there's kind of a nice equation that Ken Curry gave us at the Patriarch Convention, was it's a combination of having a good, strong self-identity, knowing who you are, and coupling that with ability. So let's look at this in regards to being vulnerable. If we fear rejection, we're not gonna be vulnerable. If we fear that we're gonna be hurt by something, we give them, make room for this to occur, which needs to happen when we want intimacy. I think we're gonna have to look at saying, okay, let's make sure that my sense of who I am is well-grounded, but then do I have compatible skills associated with rejection, with failure, with receiving negative impact? For example, Nick and I are sitting next to each other and years ago, I had put out one of my first videos, actually my first video for the 21 convention, and he had some honest-to-god criticism of it and feedback, and that feedback went wild. And everybody would think that he and I would not get along, and unfortunately, it's been eight years past, and I've never had a chance to actually speak with him and thank him for, one, spending that time to review the content, to objectively look at it, point out positive elements, and then point out issues where I could improve or be more effective in reaching the target audience. And it was some of the best commentary that I ever received from a thought leader at the time, and I was certainly impressed by it. And at no point did I ever feel threatened by it, no point did I ever feel insecure about it or take any sort of shame on it. And part of that is because I had a good sense in grounding of who I was, what I was doing and why I was doing it, and I had the skill set having been traumatized in architecture school to face sort of that criticism and feedback, and I was indoctrinated to a lot of it. So when you have somebody like Nick who's a thought leader in this field commentating and giving a viewpoint on it, I saw it as an opportunity to further grow and expand, and you could be quote, be vulnerable to it without being damaged by that. And so I would make sure that if you have concerns about it, look at your self-identity, make sure it's well-grounded, and then make sure you develop the skills of receiving feedback, receiving criticism. It's very easy to project those things. It's another to empathetically listen to people and take constructive criticism, and that's a skill set, it's a life skill. Yeah, before you go, Nick, does anyone else wanna answer that question as well? Okay, you wanna answer it? Okay, you wanna, okay. Okay, just wanna make sure because we wanna make sure we get everybody in the time limit. So Nick Goy, I'm sorry. Do you wanna say something? Oh, yes, you good. Yeah, I think adversity is not something to be avoided if you wanna be strong. You know, I think it's a fundamental building block of being a man is you must struggle against adversity, and it's the discipline, it's the endurance, it's the overcoming which rebuilds you, like quite literally in the gym by pushing against heavy weights to create hypertrophy to build stronger. And that's why, for example, in pick up artistry, you're making yourself very vulnerable because you're going out into the street and you're finding out what girls really think of you. And most men live in a web of delusion about what their real value is, what their real games like, what their charisma is really like, and they put all these buffers around themselves to avoid honest feedback. And one of the great things about cold approach is that you just cut right at the core. And in day game particularly, because it's in the daytime and you're sober and it's just you and the girl with no distractions, like you might get and say a nightclub, you haven't been pre-approved like you might have done on Tinder when you're both swipe right. You're not relying on some kind of lifestyle like a Bilzerian lifestyle where you're essentially pouring is what you're doing is you're just going out, like me as a man, it's just me here, everything I carry within myself is my value proposition. You step up to the girl you like and you make your play. Now, of course, most girls are gonna say, no, that's the nature of the game, but this rejection is not something to avoid. It's not something to reframe yourself out of any more than you go to the gym and you deliberately lift light weights so you don't get tired. You don't go into a boxing gym and spend the whole time scutling backwards with your hands up, never engaging, just because you're scared of getting hit. You have to take the adversity head on because it's by taking the adversity head on with a positive attitude, processing the feedback, even when it hurts, and then rebuilding, using that as information, that is what makes you better. That's what gets results and that's what builds self-confidence. So with vulnerability to go back to the original question is one way to be vulnerable is go out and try, go out and call the approach and don't see rejection as a negative thing. See, there's good feedback on what you're doing well, what you're doing bad, where your value is, and it's a nice splash of cold water getting, you walk up to a hot girl and she gives you like the eye roll and she's like, oh, fuck off, little man. It's like a splash of cold water over your face and it's quite invigorating. You often feel good after you get it because you're like, oh, I dealt with that. Right, next one, and the next one goes better. Where are you, sir? The man who asked the question, are you willing to be hurt? You pervert. It was this guy. He said, yes, I like it, actually. I have six quick pieces of advice for you. For vulnerability one, you must be willing to be hurt. That needs to be present in the environment as a possibility, like these gentlemen were just saying, this could hurt. The second thing is learn to be present in a Zen-like, meditative way. Be very, very present. We were talking yesterday about yin and yang. I practice yin every day whenever I'm working with a client. I provide a space within which they can open up. The third thing is you look and listen when they're talking, look at them, listen to them. I don't know if the gentleman's in the room, the paratrooper, the Danish American paratrooper, but I was talking to him last night. And inside of 15, 20 minutes, I started sharing pieces of my life. I haven't told anybody in years. And then afterwards I was like, why did I do that? And then I was like, well, the Polish side is actually really good. Now, because he was present and he was looking at me and listening to me, I opened up because he was vulnerable. I then reflected back the vulnerability and I opened up. Be honest, super honest. Tell the truth about who you are and what you want. Be transparent. As Dave always says, be transparent. And the last thing is be brave. Be brave. All right, AJ. That was really good, Richard. Again, said about most of what I was gonna say, a bit better. Again, I know, the vulnerability question, I know that the mask you're retards because they're fucking emotional cripples. They're gonna jump all over there. I'll talk about vulnerability. As a man, you want to qualify vulnerability that what you don't wanna do in being vulnerable is over-expressed. Vulnerability is not about excessively bleeding yourself off emotions. It's really just, as Richard said, you're being receptive to other people. When you are, when you're a man who you're calm, you have confidence as he said, you have a sense of sort of zenness about you where people, they feel stable being around you. You seem like someone that they'd want to talk to. You're gonna open yourself up to potentials that way. Someone that's vulnerable isn't someone that, yeah, like you're not afraid of being hurt, you're not closed off, but you just represent sort of a pathway to have an experience with somebody. And if you come across as that kind of person, yeah, you're gonna have a great time with everyone you meet. Not every person, obviously, but people are going to be receptive to you. The thing that can shoot guys in the foot is if you take an overly scripted approach to interactions, whether it be men, whether it be women, whether it be befriending other men where you sort of have these barriers up where you don't want to give away too much of yourself, but you also want to get to know the person, but you also don't want to get rejected, but you also want them to think highly of you, but you don't want to say the wrong thing. So you've got, you know, you've got all these over now going at the same time. Yeah, people aren't gonna want to get to know you or they'll be able to tell talking to you that's very stilted. You know, that's the thing I think some of these guys fall into where it's very easy to follow scripts. The PWA, like, that was a very good thing. Like, yeah, you can follow scripts, you can follow certain things that will provoke a response, but then you're not really that person, you're just the script. You're not really what you're saying, you are, you're not really how you're representing yourself, you're just sort of the mask that you put on. And then as soon as the person pushes a little bit deeper or that slip of sight, oh, there's nothing there, you're empty. And like, you want to avoid that. And part of that just comes with this being uncomfortable with things that will make you uncomfortable. I've had many uncomfortable experiences in my life from like, wow, that either went poorly or went weird or I can't believe I got messed myself in that situation, but they all taught me something. Yeah, and I never walked away like, oh, I lost a piece of myself that I can never get back and I'm hurt now. No, I just, you live and you learn that way. So, I mean, if you incorporate all those elements, as everyone has said, yeah, you'll be that guy that you'll have phone people. Yeah, and for all the men here as well, of all the men listening, yeah, I think on a certain level of the fear of intimacy with women, that's not the big issue. It's a fear of intimacy with other men. A lot of men today, they lack camaraderie, they lack fraternity, they lack brothers, they lack, they lack male friendship. And getting along with guys, it means having your balls busted. It means being made fun of. It means that you're gonna be around guys that maybe they're better looking than you or they make you feel small or you feel insecure. Like that's the same, men have the same sort of fears around men as they do around women, except it's in obviously a masculine sense. So if you're a man, say you're watching this and you lack male friends, you have to go make friends. Like men oftentimes have this reticence of like it's gay to try to make friends with other men. That's why you're all fucking lonely. That's why you're all lonely. Like, so don't be afraid of that. Like vulnerability, it applies across the whole spectrum. All right, next question please. Hello gentlemen, thank you so much for sharing again your knowledge with us. In the context of loving yourself, of us being the base of loving the world and bringing oneself into the world, I see it as a journey, as an ideal. And I want to ask you gentlemen, what would be a question or an angle to look towards self-loving to initiate this journey towards loving oneself or and continuing that journey into loving oneself deeply or more deep or more expanded, so to say. Okay, we are since the time, I have something to say, but is anyone else would like to say something as well? Okay, okay. The thing is, I'm gonna be talking about this in Orlando, so I'm kind of giving you a sneak preview. I always love this guy named Larry David from Kirby Enthusiasm. He is a fucking asshole who only thinks about himself, period. He doesn't give a fuck what people think. He's gonna tell you what's on his mind and he doesn't care what your reaction is. Why? Because when, it's a thing I always say, it's not high tolerance or low tolerance, it's no tolerance. That means you gotta accept yourself, but you gotta make sure people accept you for what you see yourself as. And that means if they can't accept you for who you are and what you are, then you're gonna have to let them go out of your life because you love them to keep them around, but you have to love enough to let them go. And it's how the man, woman, big foot, or whatever you wanna call it, when they realize that your motherfucking ass doesn't give a fuck, they're gonna start giving more of a fuck because they don't realize men like that, but does anyone have anything to say on that? Okay, do we have another question? Check online too. I'm sorry. Okay, yeah. It's like 3 a.m. It's 3 a.m. It's like 4 a.m. It's something that's a self-love thing, actually. Yeah. I think this is another thing that's lacking in modern culture where, yeah, like Steve, you talked about, you had mentors as you had men. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, we've all had mentors or maybe some of us have not, but we've become that for people. Part of love is this gratitude for those people helping you. Like, yeah, so the question of like, you know, how to develop self-love, I think oftentimes when people ask that question, I don't know if they ever had someone that was that person for them that really loved them in a way, but when you teach somebody, or you're passing on knowledge, or you're sure of entrusted to take care of somebody, and that could be a younger brother, that could be a sibling, that could be a pet. You realize that, you know, like life, things are alive, they appreciate tenderness. They appreciate affection. They appreciate someone being there for them. And you have to be that for yourself. You have to be that for yourself. It's very common for guys to interstates of self-loathing where they hate themselves for their decisions or their inadequacies or what they wish they were. And that can just go on forever. That goes on absolutely forever. And then everybody sees that in you. People can see that you have that self-pity that way. Yeah, and part of letting go of that, there's just not a very basic level. It's gratitude for being alive. And it's gratitude for whatever, I keep talking about this, but it's gratitude for what your potential is and really trying to explore that. And then when you start doing that as a man, you start seeking out something, you start improving. Other people will start to appreciate you. You'll be a role model for something. People will want to invest their time in you. And it might take a long time to get there. That might take 10 years. Maybe if you really have issues of the sort of like self-loathing, self-hatred, your parents aren't there for you that way. It can take a long time. But if you do the work and you get to that point, you'll eventually hit a stage where you're actually, you're happy with yourself. And you like who you are. And other people like that you like who you are. Yeah, and that's always the funny thing. If you get to that point, you realize that once you love yourself, other people want to love you. And you don't have to ask them for it. You're not begging for it. That dynamic is gone. So, however long it takes, that's how long it takes. Yeah, please, and then we'll get your question after that. Please go ahead, sir. I agree with what AJ was just, not AJ. It's AJ as well. I get confused. What AJ is saying? Right, I just want to add one proviso on that is I've heard it said that the men's community is called self-development and women's community is called self-acceptance. I think it's a different attitude on masculine and feminine on how you go about liking yourself. So, I think inner game work, straightening out the kinks of your own mind, resolving trauma, learning positive mindsets. These are all something you absolutely must do. But I think they tend to come on the self-acceptance side. I think as a man, you still got to actually go out and achieve something. There's a burden of performance and it's not just a burden of performance from society. It's a burden of performance that your self-esteem places upon you. You have to go out and do stuff. So, I don't want to caricature what AJ is saying as naval gazing, it's not. But if you go off target with that, it can become naval gazing. So, okay, Miyamoto Musashi might have spent three years sitting in a room where the monk put him reading books and sort himself out, but he still went out as a swordsman and challenged himself to learn the way of Bushido. So, I often characterise what I did as the player's journey. It's like the hero's journey, just with a lot more shagging. And it's a process of going into yourself, finding out who you are, facing challenge, facing adversity, going down into the abyss, down to find the treasure, and then coming out and re-engage with the normal world with a great understanding of yourself. Now, you can't do that sitting in your bedroom, watching YouTube. Even, you know, red man group, good shows. It's not enough. You got to go out and do something. Now, it doesn't need to be chasing skirt. It can be go to the gym, you know, build a good body. It can be write a great book. It can be build a business. It can be whatever. But when you go to bed at night, you got to be think, you got to think, right, I'm on a project. I've got a plan. I'm going somewhere. Because I think that is an incredibly important part of male self-esteem, giving yourself reasons to be confident. Last question, sir? Oh, we got to wrap. Oh, we got to wrap? Okay, okay. Well, we get after, we get after. Okay, well, guys, we're going to wrap this up real quick. So, if y'all could, we're quick. 30 seconds to just give a final 30 seconds to everybody real quick before we wrap this up, please. I hope that this is a topic that we can return to again and again. I'm sure that we can. I think the essence of what we're actually looking for to sound a little bit woo is love and is connection. And I think that's key to all of this. Cool, yeah. I also didn't get a chance to answer about the vulnerability one, but for me, going first, being able to go first, lead first, that's what the real alpha does. You know, he's willing to be hurt first. He's the one who cuts through the jungle first and creates a path for others to come through. So, being able to put yourself into a situation where you could be the one that gets hurt, like Anthony's putting himself in a position here where he's willing to stand up against what he thinks going wrong in society, and he could get hurt for this. And he has probably already. So, that to me is the real alpha, someone who's ready to go first. And that is the true vulnerable self. So, yeah, that was what I wanted to say for that. Thanks, man. Fuck yeah. I can nothing out of that. I mean, holy fuck. Tune in every Saturday at 11 a.m. Eastern, and we'll get more of these episodes while these guys back on the show. Fuck yeah. I just want to say, are you bringing more to the table than just your ass? Yeah, that's a great episode, guys. That's a great episode. You guys know where to find us. I never actually, I think everyone watching this knows who I am, but maybe I'm just being an asshole. Cortez.site.com, my full name is Alexander 1, you can call me on Twitter. Lift weights, if you do nothing else, just lift weights and get stronger. Yeah. So, yeah. I finally believe everybody understands who they are, where they're going to go, the path that you're currently on. I would recommend that you look at where you would like to go, the world you'd like to live in, and who you would like to be. Have that in front of you, and then choose that network. Okay. I'd just like to say, I'm very pleased to have been on here. I usually speak at pickup events, which is very narrow focus. So it's nice to bounce ideas around on guys who are talking about masculinity from different perspective. The monastery is a lot wider than just pickup. All right, guys, tacticalsoap.com. Make sure you check out the 21 convention, October 24th through 27th. Get your tickets at the 21convention.org. This is the Redman Group. Thank you very much, gentlemen, and we're out. Peace.