 Hey everyone, this is Helena Hart and welcome to our live stream on what to do if a man is Emotionally unavailable or bread crumbing you. I am here with my longtime friend and the amazing coach, Nicole. Alyssa. Welcome Nicole Say hi to everybody. Hi, Helena. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to do this with you today I'm excited too and for everyone watching if you can just let us know that you can hear us and see us Okay, that would be fantastic and for those of you who don't know Nicole I'm sure you're familiar with all of her amazing videos here on commitment connection But she is a transformational love coach who helps women really empower themselves and own their worthiness and Irresistibility so they can attract that man and relationship. They've always wanted this is such an important topic Nicole and I have done so many videos together Over on my channel on this topic because it's something we see as a huge problem in so many women these days And we've both certainly been there ourselves So Nicole, let's just jump right in. I'd love to hear everything you have to say about What to do if a man is bread crumbing you or ghosting or hot and cold or emotionally unavailable well, like you said, it's a really important topic and I believe that the reason for that is because We need to look on the inside I I shared on a different video how life mirrors out to you what you are believing on the inside in many ways and When you really look at that, I see that a lot of women are not fully owning their work or owning that they are more than enough and Their wounds their inner child stuff comes up to the surface and because it hasn't really healed They attract emotionally unavailable men or men that are bread-coming because it reminds them of certain Experiences that they had in the past maybe with their parents growing up where they felt like they weren't seen or valued It can bring up so many different Programs or patterns of proving your worth and in that space It's so important to know what is actually creating this. What is actually bringing this to your awareness? What is actually? Attracting this man in your life And the more we can actually start to look at those belief systems and where we are still like repeating some of those patterns and those thoughts What I noticed for sure is that you will start to heal and you will stop attracting those sort of you know opportunities that come your way and It's important to be real and honest and raw like with ourselves so that we can break the pattern. I Totally agree. It's something I've seen of course in my own life and in the lives of so many of my clients And I just want to take a minute and say hi to everybody watching with us live Maria to Maria's actually Marla Stacy's CC. Thank you so much for letting us know that you can hear us and see us and let us know where you're from Let us know your experiences with this We love hearing from you and you'll start to see how common of a situation this is but Nicole I love everything you had to say so much of the time We're attracting these men who like fit right into our old Relationship patterns or what love felt like to us earlier in life And then of course it's like this choreography where we have these Intense obsessive feelings for these men who were just not quite stepping up in the relationship Not fully like doing what they're supposed to do or making us feel loved and secure And we can get so deeply bonded to men like this because like I said they fit in to our old patterns of what love Felt like to us earlier in life right so so what would you like? What's the first thing you would have a woman do if let's say? I was your client now It's coming to you and I was stuck on a man who was emotionally unavailable or bread crumbing or hot and cold I'd love to hear like take me through what you would do with a client who's in this situation That's such a powerful question. I would first have you really look at and see Where does this pattern to come from in your life? I personally believe that the more you can have that awareness it will start it for you now I If you can see how it links back to a relationship that you had with your mom or your parents or your siblings For example that can start it for you then I also recommend to become aware of it and not try to analyze it It's so important to not stay stuck in the identity like in and in the pain So the next thing that we would do is go through a healing process where you're allowing yourself to release These unresolved feelings and emotions and unconscious believes that we're in you So that they stop having that amount of power in your life and you can release it and you can see the truth of how Amazing you are You know the biggest thing here Helena is that women from what I hear is that they have a fear That if they process those feelings, they will feel like they're not enough They will think that they're not enough or they they will think because the other one is that that the universe or life is not going to bring to them the love that they deserve and They they're so scared of feeling that that they don't want to feel it But then they become emotionally unavailable to themselves and they create this Reactive behavior based on the fear So it's important to know the truth that you are worthy that you are amazing when you look at a baby For example, all you see is beauty all you see is love and you're just you know like a baby but you're grown and you have to see how lovable and how beautiful you were and Maybe even forgive your parents because it's a repetitive cycle if your parents maybe didn't feel good enough they didn't know how to handle things and you don't feel good enough you don't Know how to handle things like something has got to stop the pattern and To have compassion for your parents even because they didn't know what you know They didn't know at the moment and I had to go through this personally in my life Where I had built guess resentment towards my dad Because I saw that he would always give to a like all my friends But whenever I would ask like he would complain, you know, and I was like wow like why is he Doing that like I don't understand it does he love other people more than he does me like I don't get it And in a conversation with my coach, she told me Nicole you have to see that your dad gave when he was happy Meaning your dad This is the truth like he was not feeling happy a lot of the times and he was a generous and giving man when he was feeling happy So that helped me it gave me perspective Because it helped me see that People need to know that they're amazing They need to feel good about themselves to give and people who are not giving love people who are emotionally unavailable They're holding Feelings and thought about themselves that are not so nice So I just learned to have compassion and let go and not let my dad's insecurities and fears Dictate how I feel about myself and that's one of the first things that I would invite like the ladies in the audience to really go through that process To be willing to let go of the identity that is Suffering about this and doesn't believe that she she can have it or she feels frustrated by what she's seen on the dating scene. I Totally agree. I love everything you're saying and I love all these comments to you guys some AJ says She'd love to go deeper into healing some of these childhood traumas We've been getting a lot of requests for videos on that right Nicole So I think the rest of this video everything that Nicole and I are going to share will help you Tremendously Nicole I know last time we spoke you had these brilliant four ways or four things women can do to kind of Start to detach themselves from this type of man Who's maybe narcissistic or or emotionally unavailable or bread-crumming you? Would you like to go into some of those or is there anything else you'd like to share before we do that? Well, yeah We can I would love to share some of those because it's important to like at least recognize where you're at and how you're showing up And thank you so much for mentioning that I added another one. It's like actually five five now because There is a really sneaky one and I want to mention that first A lot of women say the following is just the statistics Nicole like the men in my city Like that's what's going on in my like the dating scene. Therefore. It's not me It's it's them right and you keep yourself in this loop where you're noticing lack or you're noticing like a quote-unquote bunch of emotionally unavailable men and That really Removes you out of the picture and it can help you attract Emotionally unavailable men because that's where you're putting your focus There's this saying that says energy flows where attention goes and if you are noticing lap and the frustration It's still a form of repeating the belief of maybe not being enough or that life is not liking your favor And you attract that but you know, there's so many marriages, you know every day on every city There is potential there is love and it's important to start looking the first thing that I would say start looking at all the possibilities Look at friends who met their man. Look at other people Like if they have it so can you you have to start including yourself in that picture so that you can really see your power And how you attract in where your focus goes so that you can start to attract men that are that are Available, it's a choice. I Love what you said. Yeah I saw this great quote on Facebook the other day was that making a choice to start to see what you want to see because it can be So easy to say well, this is all there is right like well What I've experienced in the past must be what I'm gonna experience like if men have hurt and disappointed me before Then they'll hurt me again And we can get really caught up in this feeling that our history is going to be our destiny in our love lives Especially and I totally believe that that's not true Your history does not have to be your destiny But you have to make some shifts if you keep doing all the same things you've done you're not going to get anywhere else So I would love to hear Some of these other ways that we've talked about before I'd love to share it with our audience here too So women can start experiencing something different because I know how frustrating it can be When you just keep experiencing the same thing over and over it can be hard to believe that things could be different So so Nicole anything you have to share on that I would love to hear Totally healing us something that's coming up for me right now is Something that you you know, and I would love to hear from you as well Is how the mind like the subconscious is assigned to go into the past and then project what happened into the future? And it does this repeatedly and if we don't become conscious of this The mind can go back to the past hurt and then start projecting out into the future And that's where we need to learn how to become more conscious and more mindful So that we don't become or a mind and it's not like an autopilot, right? That is one of the reasons why we keep seeing the same things unless we start to take charge of our lives and choose To see something different. I believe for me personally Understanding the science of this and what my mind was doing really helped me a lot. I Totally agree. I love what you said Nicole somebody just asked How do I handle going out with a man that was married for three decades? He gives many mixed signals has introduced me to his friends met family that tells me he wants no commitment What do I do? I would say believe him believe him Don't try to get the commitment you want from a man who says he doesn't want a commitment He's probably happy to have you around Happy to spend time with you and have a woman in his life I'm sure he'd be happy to sleep with you if that's happening But I wouldn't hang around and hope for a commitment from any man who is flat out telling you that that's not what he Wants right now right Nicole. Totally. Totally. I I agree 100% You have many options, right? And it's not about getting something from a man that he's not willing to give it is about You allowing yourself to have somebody that wants the same as you do and believing that it's possible Absolutely, yes. Yes, Stacy is talking about her ex-boyfriend. She says I recognize my parents love me the best way They knew how this helps me good. I'm glad that was helpful Absolutely, that was something that was really helpful for me personally too. She says I'm choosing to be alone I need time to heal and time to foster love in myself. I never stood alone never had security from within Yeah, really developing that self-love and that security from inside yourself is actually what's going to attract the kind of man Who wants to make you feel secure? It all starts with you your own energy and what you're giving to yourself first Nicole, would you agree with that? Yes 100% that it is the work Absolutely, absolutely. Okay. That's all the questions. I see for now Let's see. Oh, what about when a man says he has a hard time trusting the man says he has a hard time trusting You know if a man a lot of times men flat out tell us that they're not available for a Relationship where they're telling us these things and it almost feels like oh, he's opening up to me But if he's opening up in a way that's letting you know that he's not ready for a relationship or not available for that You want to like be honest with yourself and really hear that a lot of times We don't want to hear that and we miss those red flags right off the bat It just depends on the situation Stacy. This is your ex who also tells you he doesn't want a commitment He has a hard time trusting. That's a something to listen to right. Yeah 100% and it This is where we get to being ownership of choosing ourselves Being grateful like this man is communicating clearly and he's stating what what he he needs and wants one of the things that I see that Has women attract and available men is when they have it where they're hosting this energy inside of themselves where they're seeking to prove their work and in that space they're looking to maybe change a man or This regards certain things that are currently going on because they have this energy of seeking their work So if a man leaves or chooses another woman or I've heard the following that you know I he was dating me He said that he wasn't available and then the next thing I know he's dating another person and he's marrying her That's a common one that I hear a lot of women ask themselves like but what is it that she has that I don't and In that space you are losing sight of your worth again It's so important the work here for you to stop attracting an available man if this is you You have to start owning your worth and stop seeking it outside of you because you get to root for you and be your biggest cheerleader and When you're in that state of ownership and you're not worried about what a man thinks about you Or do you need to prove your word to him you start to attract men that really see you and You feel peace on the inside as well It's so true. These questions are so great You guys will start to see how common the situation really is Hannah asks what to do with a hot and cold man possibly not over an ex or caring past wounds forward Similar situation, but the answer to these questions is very similar. You know, you have to choose yourself You have to basically put what you want for yourself like a desire for a great relationship with a fully available commitment ready man Ahead of your feelings for this one particular man a lot of times and I understand this so much because I totally used to do this You you get all wrapped up in the chemistry and the intense feelings you feel for this one guy And then you abandon yourself you abandon your own needs and desires You push all of that aside and you put this one man on a pedestal You basically put him ahead of your own desires for a real full-time relationship So with a lot of these questions the answer is the same you have to choose yourself put yourself first Right Nicole. What do you have to say about that? I would love to hear I agree You have to put yourself first and you have to love yourself tremendously. I Recently recorded a video for a commitment connection where I was sharing how your worth is the most important thing that you have to protect You can't let it be defined by a man if he doesn't choose you It's your most vulnerable self It's who you are at your core if you can just like imagine like you can see yourself in baby form And you're in the center of your body like just this is me. This is my work I'm not letting this go. Nobody can touch this and that helps you stay with your heart open Because you're protecting you not in a way where you're close off, but you're just choosing you and that it doesn't change Which leads me to the second point that I was Sharing about what has a woman attract emotionally and available men or men that are bread crumbing is that she still has trust issues Based on what she saw growing up with her parents for past breakups and she's putting off such a huge shield Where she's close off in fear of getting hurt that men cannot feel her she she she has this wall and But but at the same time she's dating so even whenever she communicates with men She does it with a certain defensiveness or she's shut down or she has apathy about it She's dating and she's asking but why isn't it working? It's because you're still holding on to this wall Therefore man can't feel you they can't enter and you attract men who are on a similar wavelength so the work here is to Build trust in yourself and in your source the universe life Whoever you want to call it again because it's not just trusting yourself is knowing that life has your back You can look at the statistics of all the people that are getting married. You can look at these videos You can look at testimonials on the commitment connection website like you've got to start saying like this can be me I love me. I get to have love and that's what's gonna happen You have to choose it so that you can keep your heart open and Not shut it down believing that love isn't gonna happen for you because when you do that you're hurting yourself. I Totally agree and Nicole, I know you probably can't see these comments right now But it's just confirming everything you're saying Jennifer says I'm seeing someone who I thought was giving me signals But thanks to these videos. I directly told him we're still together Teresa asked a question. I believe you probably just answered it Nicole How do I get past the trail and being devastated with a broken heart that seems like it's never gonna heal? Yeah, it just starts in baby steps and really like setting those boundaries for yourself and then Holding that space and not settling until what you want comes forward. That's being in your empowered feminine energy Not settling for less than you truly want and deserve and these comments are just So everyone is this is reasoning with everyone so much Nicole. So yeah, this is fantastic What's the next thing you have to share here on this topic? Yeah I also wanted to say on the other person to set an intention of what you desire to attract and start really building that confidence that What you say you attract that's really helpful. It helps you trust your power The third thing is that you haven't really healed your inner child's relationship While you're dating and men can tell men can feel this Okay, I'm gonna say this Whenever I notice this it's like when you haven't really healed your inner child dynamic the the fear of Maybe the man abandoning you or not choosing you're not being good enough When you have a really like heal that you might start to do things where you allow yourself to not have your needs met For example in a relationship you will allow a lot of excuses from the other man You would kind of be interested in bat boys for example And it's important to really heal this relationship Put it number one in your priority list because what happens is that you're the energy is one of your inner child and Men can feel it. They're not feeling you as a fully centered Woman they they feel that you are capable of disregarding your boundaries and your needs For love sometimes and we've all been there like I've been there like I remember one time I was dating a guy and he just told me Like weeks in he says you don't ever get mad. Do you and I was like wow Where does that come from? It caught me up guard But I could tell that he was seeing something in me. He wasn't really feeling me Stepping up and being that energy just being the woman that really values herself and it triggered me Of course it didn't but I was grateful because it helped me really center myself And the moment that I started to show up in that energy of being a woman of having healed my inner child It's when I started to see a difference in the minute that I was attracting at a time I've totally had that experience too. I know personally. I'm somebody who kind of like I don't like confrontation And I and I had this belief that you know I had to be this like easy-going girl It didn't have any needs or intern boundaries, right? And that's what would make a man want to be with me because I was so cool and easy-going And it just couldn't be furthered from the truth Like it's like setting a boundary and saying no to something that doesn't feel good to you or walking away from a Situation where a man's not really willing or able to to provide what you want in a relationship It's actually coming from a very empowered feminine energy place and it's super attractive It makes you totally magnetic and irresistible to the right kind of man, right Nicole. Yes 100% men can feel it. It's like I promise you you can be an online dating and the man that that would try to take Advantage or operate in any sort of way. They wouldn't even come close It's really important that you're owning your power not only in regards to your work But also what you can attract my cat Leo's joining us. He just scared me for a second You can sense and know whenever we're doing a live stream. Yeah, I totally agree, Nicole I totally agree because Vita has a great question. Where did it go? What are some things I can do to build myself worth again if you could be specific that would be great What a fantastic question Nicole. I know you're an expert on this. I love to hear everything you have to say on that Well, I always say that you have to connect with the feeling and an emotion There's two elements to this connecting with the feeling Because it's what it inspires you and it will move you to choose it yourself so if you can create like a dream board of Pictures of yourself and calling it like the amazing Kavita like I guess that's that was your name, right? Like just put pictures of you since we're like a kid and just show yourself with words and connect with the feeling Don't let like it just be a dream board actually connect with it Feel love for yourself feel compassion for yourself feel your worthiness and from that space you can start saying Affirmations, but it's not just the affirmations You will have to live up to what you're saying about yourself be willing to let go of the men that might show up that are unavailable and Like stand your ground Continue to affirm continue to to know that you are powerful and that you can attract what is Rightfully yours like you deserve love. So it first starts with a feeling Whatever you can do to cultivate a feeling. I love looking at pictures of me when I was a kid You can have a music playlist that connects you with loving yourself Things that really evoke a feeling then your records like just affirm things before you start to seeing it they start seeing it and you have to be willing to let go of the men that are not available or that they're a brick crummy and When you start to ask yourself like this is really working you have to stand your ground again You are safe like you get to really affirm what what is yours also? working With Coaches like like hearing commitment connection like because it's important that you're just be willing to have that introspection And you're willing to heal as well so that you show up strong and your power Really helps as well So true so so true. Yeah, a lot of people talking about healing your inner child Lots of questions on that maybe we should do a whole video just on that sometime Hannah asks, how do you know the difference of when you're being bright crumped and when you aren't in exclusive relationship and are having Expectations before commitment. What a great question. Yeah, I mean, I'd love to hear you have to say from my perspective If he hasn't asked you to be exclusive I would just assume that you're dating and and we can get we can get into trouble as women when we have all these Expectations in like a relationship context for a man that we're just dating and then we get mad and we put these labels on it Saying he's hurting us or he's he's not meeting our needs when he just thinks that you're dating So until he specifically asks you to be exclusive I would keep your focus on yourself being warm and open and receptive when he shows up But don't play so much meaning and so much expectations on it because that just feels like pressure to a man Right and it's not what compels him to want to keep coming towards you and keep pursuing you right Expectations are like the root of all disappointment Especially when it comes to dating the early stages of dating and getting into the relationships I have really found a cult you found that to be true Yeah, it is so true. I mean men men are clear They're clear about what they want if they see you as a prize. They will communicate that They don't want you to feel guessing so it's really important to to be aware of this and To have the communications that like you need to have is it a boating? It's important that you have these communication from a place of honoring yourself Or else, you know months could go by and you're still waiting and you're not Aware of the truth and that doesn't feel good on the inside. I Totally agree totally great guys keep being distracted by all these great comments so many people this is resonating with so many people Nicole I know you can't see the chat right now, but this is so phenomenal one thing I did want to mention is we can play so much meaning on these intense sometimes obsessive or addictive feelings that we can have for this one particular man who is Bread crumming us or emotionally unavailable, right? And we feel so strongly for these men often and we place meaning on this like well, you know He must be my soulmate because I feel so strongly connected to him when you know what I would say Nicole what I think you believe too is is our subconscious mind that kind of creates this spark of attraction With the kind of man who fits into our old relationship patterns or you know What our caretakers were like or how we learn to receive love as a child? And so if you can learn to separate that out a little bit A lot of people are asking how to heal this inner child and these patterns separate out your intense feelings for the man and pay attention to how you feel about yourself When you're with him both when he's right in front of you and when he's not right in front of you So I've talked about this before but so many women tell me that things like well when he's with me It feels incredible and the chemistry is off the charts But then when I don't hear from him for a week or two or if he disappears or I can't get a hold of him I start to feel really anxious and insecure and it doesn't feel good So if you start to feel these things like insecurity anxiety Things like that That's something to pay attention to that's a big clue that you know This man is not really fully stepping up. Maybe he's you know, I'm not ready for a committed relationship But that's something you want but we can ignore those things often We sometimes ignore how we're feeling about ourselves because we're so wrapped up in how we feel about a man Right, so I always talk about the importance of taking your focus off of a man and putting it on yourself This is one way to do it How are you feeling about yourself when you're with this man? Both when you're physically in the same room with him and when he's not there If you're not feeling really secure and safe and loved and if you don't feel that trust I would say that that's a little bit of a red flag. Maybe a huge red flag. Nicole, would you agree? Yeah, it's it's 100 true. I mean and and soulmates are not meant to How do you suffer? You know the anxiety the fear like how do you feel when you're not around him or how do you feel when you're With him if you feel a lot of anxiety and worry The way that I see it is that they are providing you with a wonderful gift An opportunity to look on the inside and to heal The the belief systems that were there or like from from the very first place So if you can have gratitude, you know, like start to notice and then have gratitude and be like wow Like I didn't know that I had these feelings. Okay. How can I be proactive in shifting them and seeing myself as worthy? I really believe that the number one thing that would have a woman They'd be afraid of doing this and I wouldn't encourage you to not be afraid of doing this Is that you fear that this believe that you're not good enough? It's true So you have to come back to center. Like all babies are beautiful. Like we're all born of love This is a wonderful beautiful planet. Like there's enough So you've got to really connect with certain things that really ground you And build up that self-confidence actually one of the last points that I what I share about this is that Women can attract emotionally unavailable men when they have a tendency of denying the truth to themselves or they like to themselves About what they're feeling or they're avoiding Feeling because they are operating from an energy of avoiding They're believing that the lack is true Like the lack of love that they believe is available for them is true So they operate from that and they start to avoid it But that energy is so big that when a man shows up That exhibits all these traits that make you feel like this incredible high It's because that energy that you've been trying to avoid it's coming up to the surface And you have to realize what is actually Happening It one of the biggest things that you will see that when you attract an emotionally available man Is peace you will feel peace because you've worked them out You really is the anxiety and you allow you feel worthy enough of allowing yourself To have it and you're not putting up walls or anything of that sort that is what's really Going on and it's just important to to heal it Oh my gosh, I can't as you see me like getting all excited over here when you said that that is so true It's a system right what you're attracting on the outside Is a really good mirror for you of what's going on on the inside now Of course, we're not blaming you or or telling you to beat yourself up That's the last thing you ever want to do and we're not making excuses for men here either is this is a way you can really empower yourself I always say that we attract Partners that mirror back to us. Maybe something that needs to heal or shift We also attract a mirror image of our own masculine energy So if there's a part of yourself that's really hard on yourself or self critical You will attract men who make you feel like you're not quite good enough, right? It's a system just like nicole said to whatever you are sitting on or stuffing down or or trying to distance yourself from Let me give you an example because these are huge concepts. Let's say you um have a lot of anger But you're not comfortable with that, right? So you're sort of sitting on it You don't want to face that part. You will actually attract angry men and be attracted to angry men Just like nicole said so they can express that anger for you It's a system. They express the anger for you or the criticism or the judgment whatever it is they're doing The unavailability and then you feel released and then you can love that part of yourself And also hate that part of yourself out there in someone else I mean, I can tell you personally when I was attracting and attracted to emotionally unavailable men There was a part of me that was deeply Emotionally unavailable deeply scared of real intimacy and commitment I thought that if a man were to see who I truly was deep down that he would like run for the hills and wouldn't Want to be with me like the thought of a man wanting to like love me and be with me was just not in my consciousness At all. I didn't have a framework for that in my brain. So that's what I would see out there in the world That's what I would attract and those were the men that I would feel so connected to So it's a system and the point of us telling you all of this is is just to see how much power you truly have to Shift some of these things within yourself. So you can just start attracting a different kind of man on the outside, right, nicole Yes, I absolutely love everything that you just said and it's so key. Like you got me all fired up It's funny because It's it's so important to know how to look at this. I love that you said about like you said not to To beat yourself up or to get angry or that you're accusing your we're not I invite you to treat this with the greatest amount of grace and compassion and forgiveness And acceptance of yourself. You didn't know any better It's like you as a little kid four year old five year old We're we're hit with this wave of energy of feeling like you weren't going to have love And you develop defense mechanisms and you store things because you you didn't have the age or the mental capacity to handle That something might have been going on with your parents But you made it probably mean something about you. So It's unconscious energy that is being manifested now. So it's so important and it's crucial to not Go back at that energy and be angry at it or get frustrated or shame it or because those are kind of like lower energies and the only thing that will heal this is love And if it's like if you had your inner child in front of you four-year-old Katiba or Helena or Nicole and you're not going to yell at the kid, right? You're just going to you know, hold her and care for her and that's The sort of grace that you need to have for Yourself only love will heal this So it's about being nurturing and caring With ourselves. It's it's the most important thing only love will heal it Only love It's so true. Yeah, so these these parts of ourselves that we want to distance ourselves from right our anger our jealousy our Anxiety our fear shame doubt all these these things that you don't want to feel Actually like speaking to those parts of yourself and saying I love you. I hear you, you know, thank you for sharing this with me I'm never going to abandon you, right? And also I'm in charge. I'm the adult. I'm in charge I'm going to keep us both safe because these parts of our self that we don't want to face Are likely just little pieces of yourself these little pieces of like your inner child that are deeply in love with you Want you to have good things. They want you to have what you want They just don't know how to go about it in the most brilliant ways, right? It's like your inner two-year-old or a four-year-old throwing a tantrum At the worst possible moment, right? Have you ever had that experience where you're stuffing down your feelings of Jealousy or anger and then they just pop out at the worst moment, right? Nicole have you experienced that? Yes 100 and one thing that I want to say about this is that the limit the universe is loving on you because What it's basically doing Is that it's showing you That you can shift things around and it's telling you like Kavita Helena and a poll you want love Then you've got to let go of this because if you don't let it go then I can't support you Sort of sort of thing, right? So it's important to know that the more we grow stronger in our power in our sense of responsibility Um, then we can heal things that the universe loves us that we are loved You you get to experience the love that you want and that is the real work in attracting Um an emotionally unavailable man Like you got to know that you can have it and you have to choose it and work on it You have to choose it first instead of Trying to test it and let me do this video to see if it's going to happen No, you have to choose it. You have to own your power and say I am supported. I am love I am love Therefore, I get to have love and really stick to that and from that choice Because you won't be seeking Uh external approval of your choice and from that space You will start to attract rather than Just testing something out. It's owning your power Absolutely. Yeah, one of the most important things you can really do Hannah's asking How did you heal that Helena to not feel that a man wouldn't want to know you and what you just said? Yeah, thanks for asking. Um There's so much that goes into this if you want me just to like briefly condense it down I know we don't have a ton of time today, but but it's working both from the inside out Just like what we did doing that inner child work speaking to yourself loving embracing and accepting all the parts of yourself Even the parts that you don't want to share with others That's working from the inside out also Just as important in my opinion is working from the outside in Meaning you you teach people how to treat you by the behavior. You're willing to accept And I you know I mentioned the subconscious mind before it's just pulling you towards what feels familiar So if what feels familiar to you are unavailable men are men that just give you crumbs or or ghosts Or go really hot and cold or pull away and disappear You have to start changing what feels familiar So just really quick, you know, your subconscious mind is what is creating this spark of attraction with this kind of man And it doesn't make judgments or decisions about what's healthy and what's unhealthy What's good for you or what's bad for you your prefrontal cortex is what makes these kinds of decisions Like this is a healthy situation. This is an unhealthy situation But your subconscious doesn't do that. All your subconscious is concerned with is homeostasis and survival It's just concerned about what's going to keep you safe And if since you've survived your past we're all here Your when someone a man comes along for example that feels familiar Your subconscious wants to say you've survived this you can handle this This is known you've ever heard that phrase like the devil, you know We chase the devil. We know over the one that we don't right Your subconscious wants to say this is familiar. This man feels like home to you Right fits right in with how you learned what love feels like So it creates that spark of attraction with those kind of men So Hannah to ask you answer your question. How do you change this from my experience? This is my own personal opinion. You have to start changing what feels familiar You might have to start spending time with men who aren't like that old type, right Men who are totally available ready to commit want to give to you want to make you happy now that kind of man might not light your fire Like these unavailable men who fit right into your old patterns But you're changing what feels familiar from the outside in as well Then the next step would be developing attraction developing real lasting attraction real intimacy and chemistry with a different kind of man and this kind of chemistry It's different than this instant chemistry. We can feel with the wrong kind of men I felt that with the emotionally unavailable men. I felt this instant chemistry. This man feels like home to me This is what I know and I want to go after those guys So to turn it around you have to learn how to develop a real chemistry and real intimacy With a different kind of man and how do you do that? You do it by opening up sharing some of these deeper parts of yourself And just seeing how the guy loves you and accepts you exactly as you are He doesn't want to change anything about you He feels and knows that you're enough because that's how you feel within yourself now Nicola, I'd love to hear your thoughts on all of that Oh, you're on mute. Actually, I think you muted yourself. There you go Okay, can you hear me now? Yes. Yes. Uh, I I agree with everything you just said I I really do personally believe that You know, I would put the man to the side and I would look on the inside And I would ask myself, where am I not willing to love and how can I make myself available to love myself even more? How can I keep my heart open? How can I choose to believe in love? How can I trust love? And when I'm saying love, I'm not talking about the love first and foremost Yeah, with a man, but just trusting love the energy of love because you get to be Like you get to own that sense of confidence and really trust yourself From that place you become so unshakable and I feel like a lot of people don't address this That this is one of like the courts of feminine energy is trust And I always use the example of women who do belly dancing, you know in order for them to move that much They have a strong core. They know what they're stand like they stand for You stand for love. You stand to have love. You stand to share love You're not going to entertain yourself with the emotionally unavailable man You're willing to heal whatever it needs to heal You're doing this for you out of that space of fierce love for yourself that you're willing to do whatever it takes Because I think that out of that place of fierce love for yourself is the place where you're willing To walk into the unknown kind of like the phrase of you like that you were mentioning about like The devil that we know versus the one that we don't know Out of love for yourself Be willing to do whatever it takes and just embodying that space And like I said earlier today, it helps you come back to center Men really feel you like that you have the boundaries that you have the strong core And those men won't even come close and I promise you that you will stop feeling attracted to them Or stop bringing them into your reality It's just law It is so true. I totally you know, I totally resonate with all of that We have so much synergy around this and Nicole I love Tiffany your comments are fantastic another thing to consider She says you're all you've got meaning you can't get away from you So you need to love all of you at any given time Venus says this is a big vibrational high just listening to this. I love that. I love that Yeah, you know, you can you can rewire your thoughts just listening to this video You can rewire your subconscious mind if you just like listen listen to these sort of things over and over Just get it down into every cell of your body to where you just eventually won't accept anything less than what you deserve Right, you you know your value You know what it is you want and that's that empowered feminine energy Holding space for that and not settling because you just have so strong feelings for this man that you're going to abandon yourself And settle for less than you want right Nicole Totally totally the empowered feminine energy knows that she's worthy knows that she's a catch Know this knows that she's amazing. She doesn't settle for less She expects the best so it's important to really be in that energy and choose to be there No matter what out of love for yourself because I really do believe that love is the key here because you want to do it out of love and not out of fear You don't you don't want to do this from a place of anxiety You want to come back to center and do it out of love because There is this first phrase that says consciousness precedes form or Albert Einstein said no problem can be solved at the same level of consciousness that created it So if you're coming from fear if you're coming from Feeling black worrying that somebody is not going to choose you if you're operating from that space the actions that you take from that space Will create the fear that you're like that you're trying to avoid So it's important to do it out of love because if the consciousness starts with love You will see love at the end. It's so important to do it out of love It's so true. Yeah, we always end up going so deep into some of these views. It's important to keep in mind I always say that any action taken from a place of fear Like you said or lack is always counterproductive Doesn't get you anywhere always leads to more feelings of lack So if you're staying connected to a man who's bread crumbing you or acting super hot and cold Or emotionally unavailable because you don't feel that there's anything else better out there Or maybe you don't deserve it or maybe it's not possible if you're staying in a situation out of fear or out of lack You I mean i'm sure you guys have all experienced it doesn't it doesn't tend to get you anywhere I've seen women in situations like that for decades It's just attached to this man who is so clearly never going to commit never going to step up So we don't want anyone to be in that situation It's totally our mission to start to turn this around for every woman who's experienced this Because it's so possible and it doesn't have to take that long either I mean, I know personally it doesn't have to take years and years and years You can start rewiring your thoughts right now and start like sticking to your boundaries and setting High standards for yourself right now So nicole, I know we're coming up at the end of the hour I'd love to hear anything you have to say to wrap up and if you have a free gift for everybody watching Tell us a little bit about that Yeah, I personally believe that it's having your mind and your heart be aligned It's so important to to operate from that place of strength Because a lot of women could say I I know this intellectually but for some reason I am not doing it So it's about getting those two things aligned I have Uh, I personally love connecting with you today. Helen. It's been amazing and I can't wait to actually read the comments Um, I have a meditation that helps you start to Like cleanse your energy and feel better about yourself It's a meditation for the woman who decides to be in her power to attract love that is right for her Um, once you sign up for that gift, I also give you another meditation that helps you really feel worthy So you're getting two meditations Um that are really going to help you start to release to feel better to trust more and then you can go ahead and start You know doing the dream boards Uh, like doing everything that Helena and I have been talking about today And just really do this out of love for yourself. The meditations will help tremendously in how you feel Yeah, I love that meditation from nicole. I've personally downloaded it and listened to it It's been really helpful for me and I know everyone we have shared this over on my channel Everyone has said so many amazing things about that So I'll be sure to post a link to that in uh in the description right below this video after this publishes Thank you guys so much. I love all of your comments. I can't stop reading them I love it break the cycle. That's what I'm trying to do what you think about expands ellie says Leslie says so much of this has to do with how we bonded in the beginning So many amazing comments. This just resonated with everyone at such a deep level. So this was amazing nicole Thank you so much any last like words of wisdom or tips or tools for a woman who's in this situation where she feels deeply attached to a man Who's only giving her crumbs like anything you'd like to leave everyone with today Yes, I have a support system I I know what it is like to still go to the man that That is not good for you And it's because your feelings are overriding and it's so important that you have a support system That you have girl first to contact you to watch videos like this to comment here to email commitment connection to listen to the meditation Have a support system so that you remember. What's your commitment to yourself and remember That the feeling might tell you oh you have to go after him where you have to do this or you have to shut down Remember what that does to yourself if you're shutting down How are you robbing yourself from love if you're going after him? How does that make you feel after? Come back to the love that you have for yourself or the love that you want to have for yourself You want to expand it and focus on that right? It's your biggest treasure your your sense of it's like self-worth and love Treshering it caring for in it protecting it. It's the biggest thing that's going to give you the greatest happiness Absolutely. Yeah, I totally agree having a support system is so crucial. I'm so glad you mentioned that Nicole. Thank you for saying that And um, yeah, thank you guys so much for watching all the way till the end. We love you guys so much I'm going to be doing live streams every Friday now Usually at this time three o'clock p.m. Pacific six o'clock eastern. So feel free to show up next week. This was amazing Thank you guys so much. There were just so many amazing comments I can't go I can't wait to go back and read all of them So if you enjoyed this video feel free to give it a like and a comment Let us know in the comment section some of your experiences with this. We love hearing from you This was um, so powerful. Nicole. Thank you so much again, and I hope we can do this again soon Thank you