 وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأولوا الحمد لله رب العالمين وصلت والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ always with the praise of Allah عز و جل نسأل الله عز و جل to exalt the mentioned grand piece to our messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions نحن نتحدث about the rights of the husband the rights of the wife and we are right in the middle of a discussion on the husband spending upon his wife and we've spoken about the first right which is the right of the مهر the right of the spending upon the wife for the مهر at the time of marriage and the time that they first become alone together in a situation in which intimacy can occur and that's where the right of النفق begins the right of the مهر we now come to a hadith narrated by ألمام مسلم عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عن the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said a dinar that you spend for the sake of Allah جيهد في سبيل الله you spend to prepare the Muslim army or to support the Muslim army a dinar that you spend freeing a slave a dinar that you give in صدقة to a poor person and a dinar you spend upon your family then the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said أعظمها أجراء the greatest in reward so let me ask you to pause the video which one of those has the biggest reward دينار a dinar so a single gold coin that you give one of those coins it goes في سبيل الله one of it it goes to free a slave one of it it goes to a poor person and one of it it goes to feed your family it goes to spend upon your family not necessarily to feed them to spend upon them their clothing, their food rent whatever which of those is the greatest in sight of Allah what do you think so إن شاء الله you pause the video I had to think the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said أعظمها أجراء الذي أنفقته على أهلك the one that is the greatest reward is the one you spent upon your family and it seems and Allah is the best that one of the reasons for this is that spending upon the family as we said is an obligation upon the person whereas the others could all be voluntary in a to a certain extent I mean the في سبيل الله here it can be a voluntary contribution the Dinar that a person gives to a poor person can be a voluntary contribution the Dinar in freeing a slave can be a voluntary contribution but the obligation of spending upon the family is one which is very serious in the sight of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and البخاري المسلم narrated from أبي مسعود البدر رضي الله عن عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال إذا أنفق الرجل على أهله نفقه وهو يحتسبها كانت له صدقة the Prophet ﷺ said if a man spends upon his family and he is expecting the reward for that it will be a صدقة for him and أبي هرير رضي الله عن narrated the Prophet ﷺ said أبي هرير رضي الله عن narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said there is no day in which the servants wake up in the morning or reach the morning except that there are two angels that come down one of them says Oh Allah give the one that spends the one who spends in فق give the one who spends a replacement for what he spends and another angel says Oh Allah give the one who withholds doesn't spend upon his family make his wealth destroyed or make it ruin give him ruin ruin him Subhanallah that is also not only talk about the reward we talked about the reward of giving the fact that it's a صدقة the fact that it is أعظم أجرة it's it's it's the أعظمها أجر عند الله the biggest of reward in the sight of Allah but look at what these two angels say and the ممفق here it can be all kinds of نفق because it's a general word but from the most from the most important of the نفقات of the spending is the spending of a man upon his wife and these two angels they come down and one of them says Oh Allah the one who spends give him خلفة in other words replace his wealth replenish his wealth for him and the one who withholds ruin him ruin him and ruin his wealth and Subhanallah that could be a reason why a person's wealth is restricted because they are not spending upon the people that it is wajib for them to spend upon such as their wife their children and their parents and so on and they're not spending upon the people that they that it's wajib upon them to spend upon so Allah عز و أجل brings them ruin in their wealth and that could be like a loss of wealth or bankruptcy or poverty that comes to them or or تلف can also be when something is ruined you know you had good wealth like you had crops and they got disease and they they became they became ruined and they became lost Subhanallah or you had money and that money was stolen all of these things are things that could happen because a person doesn't take responsibility for the نفقات the things that they are supposed to spend our next حديث is a hadith narrated by حكيم معاوية القشيري عن أبيه رضي الله عنه قال قلتوا يا رسول الله ما حقو زوجتي أحدينا عليه he said رضي الله عنه or messenger of Allah what is the right of one of our wives over us what of our wives what right does she have over us the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said in the hadith is narrated by أبي داود he said أنتو طعيمها إذا طعيمتو وتكسوها إذا إذاك تسيتو or he said إذاك تسبتو ولا تضرب الوج ولا تقبح ولا تهجر إلا في البيت he said her right over you is that you feed her when you feed yourself and you clothe her when you clothe yourself or he said when you earn when you clothe yourself or when you earn and that you don't strike her on the face and that you don't say horrible words to her لا تقبح you don't say to her القبيح horrible words and you don't abandon her I turn away from her except within the house there are a number of rights here we wanted to highlight obviously the issue of anفقة that the definition he is very beautifully laid out here that when you feed yourself you feed her and we spoke in the hadith right back in the beginning of the series in the hadith of Um Zar about the man who she said about her husband that إذا أكل لفة that when he eats he sweeps up the whole plate he takes everything on the plate when he eats he takes everything on the plate that's different from what the Prophet S.A.W said when you eat you feed her so maybe the man doesn't have enough food for the family all the time but if his wife's not eating he's not eating and if he's eating his wife's eating and when he gets clothes for himself he gets clothes he gets clothes for her and clothes are different from place to place definitely among the Arabs in the time of the Prophet S.A.W it might be the case that you had many times material that could be used for a man or a woman in the sense it would be worn differently or it would be different things could be made from it but many materials could be used for either some were only for women like the red the red material that we have in the hadith of Ali ibn Abi Talib رضي الله عنه and others but in here clothes could be different for different cultures different situations you know but at the end of the day when he gets clothes for himself he thinks of his wife does she need clothes and he gets her what she needs or the hadith is that he gets clothes for her when he earns i.e. when he brings money in he has some extra money he looks at whether she needs some clothing and he buys clothes for her now when it comes for النفقات we said that they're defined by عرف by what is customary and they define no doubt by need because ultimately it's not about him buying extra and extra and extra all the time that is إحسان that is that is an act all the excellence towards his wife to buy her extra clothes extra food extra kindness we talked about this in the hadith of مزر regarding the husband who spent upon her until her ears were heavy with jewelry and so on this is إحسان this is an act of excellence towards the wife however looking at her need and that's why when the scholars talk about النفقات they talk about spending upon the family members they look at the need different family members need things at different times sometimes your children need things sometimes one needs something the other one doesn't need something and that's why in النفقات it's not always the case that there has to be a تسوير there has to be complete similarity for example between the different children in النفقات in spending because it can sometimes be the case that one child needs something the other one doesn't and so on and we're going to talk about a man with more than one wife that will come in شاء الله later on because that's a special case but when it comes to النفقات spending upon a wife or upon family members then we look at the person's need we look at what is customary and we look at what the man has available to him so these are three things that are kind of setting the scene for the husband spending upon his wife the custom which includes who he is who she is where they live the time they live in we look at the situation of the husband in terms of his current financial situation and we look at the need of the wife what's she in need of what's important for her right now what does she need at this moment in time so these are all things to bear in mind from the we had some excellent characteristics mentioned by the Prophet so I said that he doesn't hit her on the face and we know the prohibition in that generally and we're going to talk about hitting later on and he doesn't speak evilly towards her or even تقبح ولا تقبح could also refer to him belittling her in speech and making her feel low and biting but you know biting her head off like we had in the حديث of مزار that she said that she spoke and she said that he didn't make this this this kind of statements about me he didn't I used to speak freely and he would not find fault with me and make me feel terrible or say horrible things to me these are all from this word and the last etiquette and this is very important is that if he feels the need to abandon her i.e. to distance himself from her and that we're going to talk about in marital discord إن شاء الله تعالى this must be kept within the household and Allah الله how this is important this is that this could be the one thing that could save a person's marriage that when you fight when you have arguments when you're distant from each other let it be في البيت in the house in fact better than that let it be in the room let it not spread to anyone not the children not the in-laws not the world and not Facebook and everybody else يعني let it remain between the husband and between the wife that when they have an argument let neither side involve anyone else unless there is a شرع reason to do so and that is very rare to be honest because the شرع doesn't advocate getting other people involved until quite late on in the process and we're going to talk about the process of marital discord but this since it came up in the hadith ولا تهجر إلا في البيت don't let him abandon her except within the house so there's some discord between them let it remain between them and why the husband and wife so quickly they forgive each other وجعل بينكم موتة ورحمة we made between you love and mercy so easily but once the mother-in-law is involved the sister-in-law is involved فولان is involved علان is involved the whole world knows about it it's very very hard for the marriage to recover after that it's not impossible but it's very difficult and it puts a lot of obstacles in place let the هجر let the distance and the issues and the fight and whatever happen privately between the husband and wife within the house and الله عز و جل will bring them out of that with the مودة and the رحمة the love and the mercy that he put between them so even though we're going to talk more about this إن شاء الله تعالى in the topic of marital discord it's very important that it came in this hadith so let's highlight it unless you know sort of make sure that that message has reached everybody إن شاء الله تعالى we now have a hadith in Sahih Muslim from جابر إن سمره that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said إذا أعطى الله أحداكم خيرا فليبدأ بنفسه وأهل بيته if Allah gives some good أي مني هي خير it refers to wealth like the statement of الله عز و جل و إنه هو لحب الخير لشديد indeed he is towards the love of wealth very strong so الخير هي and الله عز و جل و سباست it means المال if Allah gives wealth to one of you let him begin with himself and his family هو الحديث في صحيه مسلم the حديث is in صحيه مسلم let him begin with himself and his family and that is that at the end of the day yes we are a people of صدق زكا is a pillar from the pillars of Islam and صدق is a sign from the signs and and the شاعر the public open signs that define who مسلم are but a person really truly believes that charity begins at home let him first of all look at his family do they need anything do they have they a need for something can he do some إحسان to them by giving them something and then let him look at the society and what the people need after that and of course he doesn't fall short in his زكاكا and his obligations but he looks to make sure that his family are covered then he looks outside because family is the first responsibility even in the زكاكا and the زكاكا has rules about who you can and can't give it to and broadly speaking you can't give زكاكا to someone that it is obligatory for you to spend upon normally so you can't give it to your wife because you're already obliged to spend upon her and you can't give it to your child because you're already to spend upon them and you can't give it to a parent because you're already obliged to spend upon them but you look to the family that you're not obliged to spend upon be a sibling cousin whatever and if they are in need of the زكاكا then they are أولا they are more deserving of it so you begin with yourself and your household and you look outwards like that and that's not just to encourage selfishness but that's to make sure that to encourage to make sure that a person is home situation is settled and then they look out to give to the people outside of that and that doesn't mean being excessive you know like Allah I just said in المو بث دير كانو اخوان شايل تين the people who waste their wealth of the brothers of the شايل تين the brothers of the Devils it's not about being excessive but it's about looking that صادقة starts at home you know that famous statement that everyone says charity begins at home this حديث of جابر من سمورة إن صحي مسلم is evidence for that فاليبدأ بنفسي هو أهلي بيته لهم begin with himself and let him begin with his household before he looks outwards to the other people that he would like to give to our next حديث عماب هو عليكم حق طعيفين الياتيم والمرأة this حديث الحاكم and others and it is the حديث of أبي هو ريرا to the message of الله صحي سلم said that I he emphasized strongly that I am putting pressure on the right of the two weak ones the orphan and the woman so the Prophet is warning the man not to fall short in the rights of his wife and this is particularly as we're going to speak about the right of نفق spending حيث you the seriousness of the right of the two weak ones the orphan and the woman meaning these are two people who typically if the man was not fearing الله it might be the case that he would see it to be something easy to oppress them what's my wife going to say if I don't spend on her what's she going to say so the Prophet made it very clear to him that this is a serious right and that there is a serious burden upon a person to look after the people who might otherwise not be able to get their rights and this is important because a person might say well if when the man's ahead of a household does that not give him the ability to oppress his wife or does that not put him in a situation where he has the potential to abuse his responsibility that the Prophet emphasized the severity of this and likewise the orphan who also without having a father would be in a situation where he might be liable to people taking advantage of him so don't take advantage of your wife in the in spending or in anything else that's why we brought this particular this particular hadith in this particular place to warn against of the and to warn against people taking it easy as it relates to spending and more specifically the hadith of عبد الله بن عمر صحيح مسلم كثاب المرء إثما أيحبسا عمان يملك قوتا he said that the Prophet ص. ص. يسلم said it is sufficient for a person as a sin to withhold from the one that he holds their provision and he's required to spend upon them so she's waiting for him to give food for her she's waiting for him to buy clothes for her she's waiting for him to pay the rent or the the bill for her house and he holds that money back كفاب المرء إثما that's enough of a sin for him meaning that sin could be the sin that takes him to جهنم ورعياده بالله because he holds back his wealth from the ones that he is obliged to spend upon and the ones that are waiting for him to spend upon and expecting for him to spend upon and had a very severe situation that a man withholds again according to what his ability has we're not asking a man to spend from something that he doesn't have but for him to withhold and we have some men who are spending on things they don't need for themselves for other things they don't need and they're not taking care of the people who are expecting them to spend upon them so that matter is quite a serious situation and عائشة رضي الله عنها she narrated on the hadith and Muslim she said دخلت هند بنت عتبة امراءة أبي صفيان على رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقالت يا رسول الله إن أبا صفيان رجل شحيح عائشة said that هند بنت عتبة the wife of أبي صفيان she entered upon the message of Allah لا يعطيني من النفقة ما يكفيني ويكفي بانية إلا ما أخذت من ماله بغير علمه she said he doesn't give me enough spending for what suffices me and my children except if I take it from his wealth without his permission or without his knowledge فهل علي في ذلك من جناح so do I is there any blame upon me if I take from his wealth without his knowledge because he doesn't give me enough to suffice myself and my children فقار رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم خذي من ماله بالمعروف ما يكفيك ويكفي ويكفي بانيك the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said take from his wealth بالمعروف according to custom according to what is good and what is customary what is enough for you and your children don't take more than what you're allowed what is normal but you can take from his wealth he's just holding it back he's not giving it take from his wealth what is enough for you and your children بالمعروف so the situation is so serious that a woman is even allowed to take and then an example of that let me give an example which so we don't misunderstand that the woman is going in and taking from the husband's wallet just money and spending left right in center this is a situation where the basic needs are not being met she needs to pay for food and he's not giving it he has the money it's not that he's not eating himself he has the money but he's like I'm not going to give it to you I have other things I might need it for whatever she buys the basic necessities that are normal for her for her children and she pays with her husband's money and he comes back and says well I didn't give you permission for this she said well I asked you he didn't give me what was enough for myself for the children which is the basic needs that we have for them the issue is is that serious that she's even though she's not normally allowed to do so if he is withholding the money the nefakah the spending to the extent that the basic needs are not being met then that is a matter where she can go and she can take that but I would recommend in this that a sister in this situation should ask the people of knowledge about her situation because people's understanding of this might lead them to go overboard and take from the husband's money without even having a right in the sight of Allah because her idea of what is a norm it might be way too much and husband she might not be taking into account husband's needs and husband's situation financially so she should ask and make sure like Hind رضي الله عنها asked the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم about it so she should also ask the people of knowledge about it to be careful that she doesn't go over the limits that are set by Allah in that we now come to the issue of the provision of accommodation and this is something very important in the religion of Islam and it's something which causes a great deal of issues in a marriage and this is in the statement of Allah عز وجل and the IA in صورة الطلاق IA No. 6 in which Allah عز وجل said أسكنوهن من حيث وسكنتو من وجدكم let them live from where you yourselves live out of the provision that you have so here Allah عز وجل commands for a man to provide accommodation for his wife again we're going to say about accommodation the same thing that we said about نفق generally spending in general that it goes back to it goes back to what is normal what is expected that it norms and expectations of the society the kind of woman is what resources he has available what she needs and so on however one of the rights and the of the جمهور جمهور العلمة from the حنفية and the شافعية and the حنابلة and others the the majority of the العلمة is that a woman has the right to her own private accommodation and this is an area where so many issues have happened and that is because in many cultures it is expected for a woman to live with her in-laws now it's not حرام for a woman to live with her in-laws but the basic principle in Islam is that she has a right to her own house and her own accommodation according to what is customary if she agrees to forgo that she is happy to live with her in-laws there is no issue here but there has been a culture of what can only be described as mass enslavement of wives who become literally slaves like an emat like a slave to her mother in-law she literally waits on her mother in-law and foot and the husband to just forgo his responsibility towards his mother and don't he doesn't look at what his mother's needs are but he expects that his wife will do that and that she will live with the mother in law and this is something which as we said while the concept is not necessarily حرام and while a wife should assist her husband in looking after his parents the issue here is extreme rather a wife has the right to her own accommodation and that is the opinion of the vast majority of the scholars of Islam so the solution is for أعطي كولا دي حق حق give everyone who has a right over you their right so if she asks for her own accommodation let the husband strive hard and work hard to get her own accommodation it could be next to his parents so that it's easy for him to go and do and support him in that and there's nothing wrong with that rather that's part of obedience to her husband there's nothing wrong with that but what we see is in this is that many people go to extremes which are from and from the most severe examples of a of oppression and that the husband doesn't take any care to stop his family from oppressing his wife or his wife or his control of the situation but what is obligatory upon him is to fear Allah with regard to everyone with regard to his mother with regard to his father with regard to his household with regard to his wife to give each one their right and for him to see his responsibility as being the primary one and then his wife's responsibility so he should give her own accommodation if she wishes if she's happy to live with the in-laws there's nothing wrong if she's happy with that and he should provide her some privacy in that situation as much as is possible and if she changes her mind she has the right to ask for her own accommodation but she should be patient with her husband and this is the balance she should be patient with him she should wait understanding it's going to take some time for him to do that she should be willing for the house if it needs to be nearby to where the parents are and she should be helping along with his parents to serve him by serving his parents and there's no harm in that insha'Allah but let it not reach an extreme because الظلم يوم القيامة that oppression is a darkness on the day of resurrection and none of us want to have that oppression or to be from those people who oppress others as in the حديث of جابر عبد الله حديث صحيه مسلم that the prophet said فإن الظلم يوم القيامة he said that oppression is a darkness يوم القيامة it is a darkness يوم القيامة so it's a very serious a very serious ماتة we're going to cover one more ماتة إن شاء الله before we conclude and still on the topic of النفقة وعنا به ريرات عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال من كانت لهم رأتان فما لأحده ما جاء يوم القيامة وشقه ماء أبي وريرا وحديث إن أبي داود من the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم يوم القيامة يوم القيامة وشقه وشقه يوم القيامة وشقه يوم القيامة يوم القيامة with one of his sides ما يوم يوم يوم أو يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم يوم انه أحبه أكثر. لا يوجد شيء أكثر. لا يوجد حقاً في his control. وليس شيء الله سوف ينقذه. ولكنه يجب أن يكون أكثر كما يتواجه إلى وقت ومال. لذلك الشخص الذي أحبه عائشة رضي الله عنها من رائعه أنه كان من خديجة رضي الله عنها. انه أحبه عائشة أكثر من أي منهم. وذلك why when he was asked who do you love the most. he said عائشة. وذلك they said from among the men and he said her father. أبو بكر رضي الله عنه. so ultimately the prophet said some loved عائشة like that and even though his other wives were there he said to عائشة that I'm like you I am towards you like like Abu Zar was to أم زر and some of the scholars and he mentioned that he said this in front of all of his the core wives. so the matters of the heart is not a matter that a man can control. but time and money is what a man is required to be fair in. and that's why as it relates to time he's not allowed to stay with one wife in the time that is for the other wife and he's not also allowed to be unfair in his spending upon them. so here this is where we brought it is as it relates to the right of spending that if he has more than one wife that he should be fair and he should not be leaning towards one over the other as it relates to the issue of spending. so that's what we have time for in this episode إن شاء الله تعالى we're now going to come on to the rights that are obligations of the woman and her rights towards the husband because we spent this time talking about the نفقى the man spending upon his wife. there are others but we just going to try and take him like that like a bit from here and a bit from there. so we now going to look at how the how the wife approaches the obligations towards the husband after we spoke about the husband obligation of spending and providing accommodation and the related rules around that. we're now going to talk about the wife and her obligations towards her husband and إن شاء الله we will cover more of the husband's obligations and the wife's obligations as we go through the course إن شاء الله تعالى. that's what Allah made easy for me to mention and Allah knows best والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعي. السلام عليكم. if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com