 Just being relaxing in this Japanese garden. As many of you know, I do like Japan. I was there for two weeks just a few months ago, and I do like Japanese gardens. It's very peaceful out here. I managed to get here when it's not raining. Which is pretty cool as well. The sun is out. It's a beautiful day. Hello everyone. Thank you all for joining me today. I do appreciate you all. That's why I read your comments every day, every morning, because your support means a lot to me. And I love doing what I do. This is the best job in the world. So yeah, and it's great to be filming this in this Japanese garden right now. I have to share this with you. So thank you all for joining me today and in this video, we're going to be talking about this is why narcissists are so miserable or always miserable, I should say. Because they are always miserable. It's like whenever you see them, they're never happy or what they do sometimes is they just exaggerate it. They put on this big smile as though everything's okay and they're satisfied with everything in their lives. But you know, that's not the truth. It's a false display. They're not really happy. They're never happy with anything. But they put on these big smiles and they take these selfies and they'll tell you they're living their best lives. You might believe it initially, but once you've found my videos, you know, it's all a lie because they're not really happy. They never are. Just remember everything you did for them. You did everything you could to make them happy and they never were. It's like you could have flown them to the moon and back and they'd still find something wrong with that. They'd still have a reason to pick a fight with you and you just can't understand why you just couldn't get your head around it. It's like why is this person so mean? But then they would have maybe friends or family members, co-workers, whatever it is. And it looks like they're having a good time with them. And you wonder why can't they be like that with you? And as I've said in another video, the reason why is because those other people, they just get in a fake version. And that's why everything is so exaggerated, like these forced smiles and this fake laughter. It's all exaggerated because it's meant to leave an impression on you. But then when they're around you, you get that real version. You're seeing who they really are. And this is actually why they are miserable because, unlike a normal person, the last thing they want to do is share anything with you. They like to pretend with other people so that they can hurt you. But other than that, they don't actually want to give anything to you. It's all about withholding. They will do anything they can to find out what you want, what you desire, what interests you, what you're passionate about. And then as soon as they find out what that is, they will deliberately withhold it from you because that's the only way that they can feel anything close to satisfaction is by withholding things from you, denying you because when they give to you or share with you, whatever it is, that does not satisfy them. You see, with a normal person, if you give or share something with an intimate partner, some of you love, or it could be a family member, it could be your child, it could be anyone. If you give and share with that person, it makes you feel incredible insight and it makes you feel alive. You're on top of the world. But narcissists do not get that feeling. They don't get that when they give to you. If they did, that would be an incentive for them to give all of their love to you. So this is it. That's the reason why they're so miserable. And you know, if they could become aware of that and realize what they're doing and then put a stop to it, put it in reverse and start giving their love to you. If they did that, they wouldn't even be a narcissist anymore. Then they would begin to function like a normal person rather than someone who has been through so much trauma where they've just cut themselves off from everyone. And that's why you just can't get through to them. It's like no matter what you do, they just never understand you. They don't know where you're coming from because they're quite comfortable with the way things are. They're quite happy with that. And you're coming to them with a problem and you may not even be doing that directly. It could just be if you're not pointing things out. They can just tell when you're not happy with something and it doesn't make any sense to them because everything's fine for them because they're still getting their needs met even when they withhold from you. When they withhold their love and attention from you, it's not affecting them at all because remember that doesn't do anything for them. They don't operate like normal people. It only affects you because you are the closest thing to normal and they put on that display with their friends, family members, co-workers, whoever it is. They do that, but that's only for you. That's why they post it up on social media so that you feel the illusion because if you could see it, if you could actually be there and be a fly on the wall, you would see that it's all a display. It's an orchestration. They plan and coordinate the elements of the situation to produce the desired effect because they want it to be effective on you because you are the audience. You are validating the illusion. And then in that moment, they can believe that it's real because it's affecting you. And then they get that two-second tie and that moment they feel alive because it's like they're robbing you of your life source, your energy because you have that for real inside yourself. That's what they want. You have this pure love in your heart and they don't have that. So they're trying to suck that out of you. Because as you've noticed, whenever they're around you, they are so cold and cut off. And then it's only when they're around everyone else that's when you see this fake version of them because they know, even though they may not have put it up on social media or told you about it just yet, they're anticipating it. So they already know the reaction they're going to get of you because they know that you desired that from them. They knew that you wanted love. You wanted a relationship. You wanted them to just act like a normal person and love you. But they would never do that for you. And you couldn't understand why. And deep down inside, they know that something is wrong with them. And that's why they want to prove it, not only to you, but to themselves that maybe they can be normal. And that's why they go on to create this display, which they then show to you so that you can validate it and they can feel like they are the normal ones. Do you see how it works? This is all what's going on inside their minds. It really is as crazy as it sounds, that is what is happening. As I've said before, you will never get real love from them, no matter how much you may desire and crave it, no matter how much you're longing and yearning for it, you dream about it, you fantasize about it. But one day, they're just going to walk through the door and put their arms around you. And then they say, I love you. You mean so much to me. I want to be with you forever. You wish and you hope for that day to come. I know many of you do, if you were dealing with a true narcissist, that's all you ever wanted is for them to care about you and for them to show that to you. But I can tell you that that's never going to happen. Or even if it did, it would just be a false display. It's something they would do just to win you back. Not because they actually care about you. You are expecting something from the wrong person because you are never going to get that from them. They cannot love you. No matter how bad you want it, you're never going to get their hearts. All that's going to happen is you're going to be dreaming, just sharing a fantasy with them. Because as I've said, they have no love to give you. And that is why you're never going to feel loved unless you just completely detach from reality and you succumb to the gaslighting, the manipulation tactics and you become pretty much crazy, insane. But you actually believe that this cold-hearted narcissist really loves you. And it's a really sad thing when that happens because people like that, they may not even see that there's a problem and they can be stuck with a narcissist for a very long time because you keep justifying their actions. You keep making excuses for it. I can tell you that there is no change. If you are dealing with a real narcissist, there is no change. It will never happen. I know how you've seen them interact with other people. It makes you think they have the potential to love you and care about you. No, they don't. It's all fake. I'm telling you now, it is all fake. I don't care what you've seen on social media or how they interact with family members or friends or if they've met someone new. It doesn't matter if you were dealing with a true narcissist. They're never going to love anyone. Never, not for real. But I don't know, it may hurt for you to hear that but that is the truth and you've got to accept it. They cannot love. They have no love to give. Why do you think it's so easy for them to leave you, to move on? You could have been with them for months or years and then they just cut you off like you never existed. How can someone do that? If someone has a heart, if someone can really experience love, how do you think they can do that? You've got to think about that. They can't. If you really love someone, you can't just leave them and forget about them. You can't just treat them like they never existed. You can't do that, but narcissists can. They could be with you for months or years. They could tell you, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. Have them the next day. They're gone. You go in their social media, you see their post in a picture with someone else. How is that possible? If what they had with you was real? I mean, it may have been real for you because you can experience real love, emotional connections, intimacy, all of that. But for them, it was never real. But they really get off in it. I can tell you that. They love it. When you are longing and yearning for them, that's really the best part for them. There's nothing they love more than that. That's why they create the illusion in the first place. That's why they tell you all of these things. They tell you, I love you. I miss you. I want a future with you. They're not saying that because they're trying to attach themselves to you. That doesn't do anything for them. That doesn't satisfy them in any way. But what does is when they tell you those things and it gets you to attach to them. Attaching to you does not provide them with any satisfaction. It doesn't make them feel good. It doesn't make them feel anything. It just makes them feel like they're losing power. They're under your control, your authority, which is the last thing they want because they want to be the ones in control. But when they get you to attach to them, that's supply. That's all that is. And it makes them feel incredible to know that you are reacting. You're feeding into this illusion of whatever they're telling you. They might say they love you and they miss you. They want to get married, have children with you. And when you react to that, it makes them feel very good about themselves. They do these things because they're very insecure. Strange, but somehow it's often the most beautiful and the most successful people who are the most insecure. It really is and it's those people who really feel nothing inside and they get nothing from attaching themselves to you only from getting you to attach to them. And that's really what a narcissist is. It's someone who all they want is for you to attach to them. You can know they're not really about anything. And you're just feeding into the illusion, you're sharing this fantasy that they've created inside your head and you'll be waiting for the rest of your life for them to change. And it's like you've been pulled into another world. You've got to recognize that. Just look back at how they've treated you in the past. I saw a comment earlier today, someone said, one good day out of 30 days, that's not a good ratio. So yeah, you might get one day from a narcissist out of a month where they tell you, I love you, I want to be with you. They might even put their arms around you, kiss you, all of these things. And then you really believe it. And then you're holding on for the rest of the month, waiting for that character to come back because you think that it's real. That is not love. Real love is consistent. It's not just going to be one day out of 30 days. It's not. And that's what you've got to look at. Don't just look at the one day that they treated you well and they took an interest in you. They cared about you. What about all of the other days? What were they doing then? Because that's how they lock you down is to get you to just reminisce about that one time when they were good to you. But what about all of the other times? What were they doing then? That's what you've got to remember because I know that's what we do, isn't it? We hold on to the good times. We remember when things were good because that's what we really want. And then we just forget about everything else. And it really goes to extremes sometimes. I mean, some of you, you may have been with them for years only because in the beginning, maybe the first couple of weeks, you saw the side of them, the fake version and it kept you holding on. It's really sad when you think about it. It's like you're living in a dream, hoping that they're gonna change because for you, it's so easy for you to change. If you've made a mistake, if you've done something wrong, it's so easy for you to fix that. So you assume that they can do it too. But you have to remember that they have a disorder. They can't just go and change it. They can't just start loving you just because you want them to. It's not gonna work like that. This is what you need to understand. They are never going to change. But they really do get a kick out of making you think that they have changed or that they will change. That really gives them satisfaction when they can do all of these things to you. You put up with so much and maybe you get really irritated by it, get really angry. You might say to them, I never wanna talk to you again. I never wanna see you again. And then they really get a kick out of turning your no into a yes. They love that. They love to turn no's into yeses. After everything they've done, how they treated you, there's really no greater supply than that. And turning that no into a yes. Even though they know that they're wrong. They do know that they're wrong. Of course they do. That's why they often come back with the fake apologies, the false epiphanies. They come back telling you, I'm so sorry I did that, didn't mean to. I'll never do that again. Now I know what I've done, how it affected you. I'm going to change, we're gonna be better. Some of them will even beg you to take them back. Some of them will even cry. They might be on their hands and knees. And you might look at that and think he or she can't be a narcissist. Narcissists don't apologize. They don't admit they're wrongs. They don't regret anything. They don't cry, they don't get emotional. Narcissists are incredible actors. They can really put on a show and make you believe that they are sorry and that they're gonna change. Some of them, yes, they will beg, they will cry, they will, whatever they knew that you wanted from them the entire time, when you stop putting up with them and all of the things that they're doing, they will come back and suddenly they're offering to do that one thing that you always wanted them to do. And you could have been waiting years, you could have been with your entire life. And then here they come. Oh, I know exactly what you need. And let's go and do that now. And then they hold you off, they're future fake. Never actually ends up happening. But what does happen is that they go back to their same old behaviors again. And then you just end up cutting them off again then. But all of the promises never come into fruition. All of those things that they said they were going to do. And as I said, the entire time that you were with them, they knew exactly what you wanted. They knew maybe you wanted to go on a trip somewhere or I don't know, whatever it is that you wanted from them in that relationship, they knew it the entire time. And they deliberately would kill that from you. And they got often doing that. Because as I said, they don't find any satisfaction in giving to you, providing to you. They don't find any satisfaction in doing that. What's more pleasurable for them is withholding it from you, whatever it is that you want. And then watching you long and you in for it. Because that's what they want to see is they want to irritate and frustrate you. And if they can pull it off, the very things that you want and expect, you will never get. That's typically what ends up happening is that whatever you wanted from them, you never get that. And then they use it to punish you at the end because they give that to someone else. Go on their social media. You see that whatever you wanted. Maybe you wanted to go to Disneyland with them. And you waited for years. You could have been with them for 10, 20 years. They never took you to Disneyland. And then the moment you break up, it could be the next day you go on Facebook, Instagram. They're in Disneyland with someone else. As crazy as it sounds, that's what they do. That's exactly what they do to you. It's so fucked up, but that's what they do. It's so cruel and sick. It's sadistic. The longer you wait, you're just making it worse for yourself. You really are. You've just got to accept that there is nothing in the future. This person is never going to change. They can't change. They're never going to be your friend. They're never going to be someone that you can rely on, someone that you can trust. They're never going to be that for you. No matter how much you wish that they could, they're never going to be that to you for real. The closest thing you will ever get is the illusion. I mean, you might see it in the beginning. You see the fake version. That's before you really get to know them because you're not really involved with them yet. So then you see this fake version and it's like everything is so perfect. And I mean, physically, the way they take care of themselves, they might be in perfect shape. They do their hair, makeup, everything. And the way they treat you, they're so kind and respectful. It's like everything you ever wanted. You feel like you've met your soulmates. You feel like you've met the one. And then after you've been with them for some time, you start to get the real version and then you're holding on, waiting for this fantasy to come back. And then eventually, once they know that you're on to them and you figure them out, if you don't leave, they will just cut you off. And then they move on to someone else. And then you're looking on Facebook or Instagram. And then you see it again. This person that you saw in the beginning, this perfect fantasy, this character, everything you ever wanted. Now they're being that for someone else. And it just leaves you thinking, hold on a minute. How come all of this time that I spent with them, they could never be that for me? And that's when many of you start to put the pieces together. You realize something is not right. You find my videos. You realize that it's all a lie. Because it really is. And you know, the crazy thing is, you may not even know this, but when you first met them, and they turned up, they were all perfect for you, everything you've been waiting for, your dream, your fantasy, they were it. They weren't just doing that for you. They were doing that for their ex as well. And that's why many of them, they have to put the pictures up on social media. Everyone's got to see it because they're using that to punish their ex. And then it's the same thing when they leave you and they meet the next person, and they're being this perfect fantasy for them. They're using that to hurt you. And the new person may not even know about it. Not until they go through the cycle, because this whole thing, it just goes on and on. And they never fully commit themselves to anyone. They never do. It's just from one act to the next, that's all it is. They never commit themselves to anyone. And you don't realize it, but you're actually just participating in this show. Because that's what it is. It's a show for other people. It's for the image, the status to make it look like they are this good boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, mother or father, whatever it is. It's a false display. And you know it's a false display. Or at least you realize that after a while, because they treat you worse than everyone else, but everyone who sees it from the outside, they don't know that. And if you go and you complain about it to anyone, they just end up thinking something's wrong with you. By the end of it, that's how people start to see you. Because in the end, they always play the victim. They always blame you. It's just the same thing every time. And I know that everyone who is watching this right now, you can relate. You've seen it, you've been through it. It's like no matter where you're from in the world, they're all the same. They're all the same. And they leave you longing and hearing in, hoping that they will change. But they never do. But you know, they always have the upper hand. They always have the advantage over everyone. I mean, you've got to think what pulled you into the arms of a narcissist when there were all of these other people out there. How did that happen? There may have been so many people who wore their heart on their sleeve. So why did you pick them? And the reason for that is because we want love we may want a relationship, marriage, children, whatever it is, but the problem is once you've got it, you no longer want it. And that goes the same for anything in life. It doesn't matter what it is. Like I may have wanted the Range Rover that I've got right now, but then as soon as I got it, I no longer want it. And that is the same with you and the narcissist. It's the exact same thing. That's what they play on because they know they understand the psychology of it. They know that if they give you their love, once you've got it, you're no longer gonna want it. You can't want something you've already got. So then you're no longer giving them supply. And that's how they keep you as this great day permanent source of supply by making you long and youan for it. Because if you think back throughout your life, anyone that you were involved with who had the greatest impact on you, who really affected you and kept you awake at night, who had all of your attention more than anyone else, it wasn't the person who gave you all of their love. It was that person who withheld it from you, that person who refused to love you. And many of them know this, some of them don't, but they just do it subconsciously that it has a very powerful effect. I mean, when you're with the right person, that will happen naturally. I mean, like with narcissists, they will deliberately ignore you. It's part of the manipulation, but in a normal situation, you could just be busy at work and it's natural. And then they may be longing and yearning for your love and attention. So it kind of worked that way. Yeah, that's what they do. That's how they gain their power over you. It's been making you long and yearn for their love because that's what has the greatest effect and keeps you as their source of supply. Because as I've said, once you've got something and you know that you've got it, it's not going anywhere, you don't really care about it much anymore, whatever it is. Like I said, you can't once and desire something that you've already got. That's the thing, that is the problem because once you've got something and you know it's not going anywhere, you just don't want it anymore. But that's something we all need to learn from. I mean, of course I understand it and I have experienced that myself where I wanted something, I got it and I no longer cared about it anymore. I can recognize that in myself. And you just got to want to be a better person. Like now what I do, I spend a lot of time in these gardens, appreciating nature, birds, the flowers. If you've even got this dog sitting by me here, I appreciate the dog. And that's really what you've got to do because that's just how it goes in relationships. Once you know you've got someone, yeah, you may not want them as much as you did in the beginning. Well, you're not going to want them because you've got them already. So yeah, you do lose that in a relationship. But if you're a healthy, mature person, then you can recognize that sometimes you need to appreciate what you have. You need to take care of it, just like you could have a car. Maybe you've had that car for a few months, a few years, but you still know that sometimes you need to change the oil, you need to clean the car. It doesn't mean that you just need to change the car. So yeah, I think that's important. And of course, that's what I often do myself. I see that now that I travel to all of these places like every few months, I've got to be somewhere else. South Korea, I was there for five weeks. Japan, two weeks. Vietnam, I was there for maybe three days. I know I travel around a lot. I like to change my car every four weeks. I like to go to different restaurants every day, make a lot of new friends everywhere I go. That's what I do, isn't it? But I am trying to appreciate where I am and the people that I am with because I do recognize that I haven't done that for a long time. I just moved from place to place, car to car. And even relationships, I mean, you know, I haven't really had a long-term relationship for a while. I have seen a lot of different people. It's true, I have. And that is something I need to take responsibility for. But maybe I didn't appreciate people as much as I could. You know, that's what separates us from these full-blown narcissists. Because as I've said, sometimes we may not feel as grateful as we should for certain. This is why I come out today. We spend so much time in the city, but I wanted to come out here to this garden and just appreciate all of the trees and the flowers. The birds, the butterflies, just appreciate everything because I think it's important to do that. And I'm trying to appreciate the people in my life more as well. Especially all of you who are watching this video right now. I do appreciate all of you. Sometimes I get lost in traveling and all of these things. But you know what matters more than anything I realize now is this connection that we have, the way that we all connect to each other. That is the most important thing in this world. And I'll admit, it took me a long time to realize that, but I do realize it. This connection that we have from person to person, there is nothing greater than that. And I've seen it in the comments. I know you talk about it at many of you how I wear a lot of designer clothes. I like to wear my gold and my shades and drive all these cars, all these superficial things. But you know, I do value connection. I do value people. I do. I really do every day. I read your comments and I always show my appreciation by responding or giving the comment to heart. And it's important just to take time and notice the people around you because we can get lost in this world, these superficial things, we can. And I'll admit, I think I have done that myself more than once, but when we become aware of it, we can change it. And this is something I hope, if I forget, then I will watch this video again because sometimes I do watch my old videos. This will remind me to become aware of it again if I need to. You know, sometimes we worry about stupid things, things that aren't even important and it makes us angry and sometimes this can last for weeks, months and it just eats away at us and we don't know why. But then it's like as soon as you become aware of it, then you can change it. Then you can start appreciating life again. But narcissists, no, they can't do any of that. And you will never get that from them. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. And you need to know that. They are never going to change. They will always be that way. They will always mistreat you, neglect you because you're just not important to them. It's as simple as that. They're self-absorbed and they like empathy. They don't even notice you half the time and it's sad, but that's just the way it is. And it's not gonna change. But things can change for you. You can find someone who can give you what you really want. You just have to, you have to deal with the trauma bond because you've become addicted to them to trying to get that which they are withholding from you. Just their love, their attention, all of that. And to deal with that, just freely give your love because you already have that love within yourself. And when you do that and you find things that you are passionate about, it will help you to deal with the trauma bond. And then you can move on and you can find someone who will love you for real. And I'm not saying it will be easy. Of course, it is very rare, but now that you have this information and you have this awareness, it makes it a lot more likely for it to happen to you. And I believe that it can happen for you. So yeah, that's really my advice. The first thing is to deal with the trauma bond. And to deal with that, you just have to find things that you are passionate about, focus on your life again, instead of investing so much time into the narcissist because it's really not serving you. But as soon as you put that attention back on yourself and you invest in yourself, I know that things will get better for you. It looks like it could start raining soon. I've just been enjoying this and down here doing this video, giving this information to you. Okay, that's it for today. I'm gonna try and see a bit more of this garden before it starts to rain. So I hope you enjoy the video and you all have a great day.