 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic why most men love bomb and it's not what you It's not what you think All right really quickly before we get started if you're in a relationship with someone and you're pulling your hair out trying to figure out What's his real intentions? Where is this relationship going? Is he really serious or is he gonna ghost me? Then check out the link below to schedule a one-on-one call with me to see if working with the coach might help you resolve your relationship query All right, let's just jump into love bombing now Many of you have heard about love bombing from the perspective of the narcissist And basically it goes something like this the narcissist will love bomb in other words just Give a lot of loving attention in the early stages of dating mating or relating to when you over to convince him to Convince you to be into him They can say I love you very quickly and oftentimes it's rooted in their Insecurity because they don't actually love on themselves. So they need you to love them to make them feel good about themselves Let me repeat that they need you to love them so they can feel good about themselves So they will give a tremendous amount of loving affection In the early stages to hook you to grab you to pull you in Okay, so and I'm sure many of you have experienced this but I'm actually not talking about today I'm not gonna talk about how the narcissist goes about this. I'm gonna talk about the average guy Who actually does this as well because the average guy can love bomb as well And you might be thinking God Jonathan this a little confusing But let me explain what's really going on inside the average guy And I'm gonna put myself in the average guy category and the average guy it goes something like this You meet a girl. You like a girl. You get excited You meet a girl. You like a girl. You get excited We get excited when we like someone when we feel like there's a connection when we feel chemistry when we feel that dopamine rush when we feel our testosterone increase we get excited and We have a potential habit we have a habit of Love bombing as well But love bombing looks a little bit different for the average guy because what he's actually most likely doing is What I call Trying it on for size trying it on for size in other words trying the relationship on for size So we do things like this Could be first date second date third date Done this so many times. I can't believe I do what I call Futurizing I try it on for size. I see what's it like to have this person in my life What would it be like to go on vacation with them? And and I'm saying gotta be so great if we go on vacation or be so great if you meet my friends Or it'd be so great for this. We're literally trying you we're trying to fit you into our lives In fact, I believe my friend Alison Armstrong calls it the cut and paste I keep by the way I keep doing this right cut and paste in other words. We're cutting pasting you into our lives to see how you fit That's why I call it trying it on for size And so it's not uncommon that we men these most average guys who get excited Will love bomb you a little bit and and so how do we differentiate between the two because that's really the challenge How do we differentiate between the person who's the average guy in the narcissist? You know, I think it's almost impossible to differentiate the two But what I want to invite you to do is ask yourself Did you put this person up on a pedestal? Did I put this person up on a pedestal because the person who loved bombs and you put them up on a pedestal meaning their Their perception of me matters more than my own perception of me Means you're possibly giving your power away because here's what happens that you know The average guy is gonna even out over time the average guy is gonna be consistent as words. He's gonna show up very Very caring of your feelings. I mean if this turns into a relationship, he's gonna care about your feelings He's going to make you happy But the narcissist will begin to become more selfish and the challenge is if you put him up on a pedestal You can start leaning towards that narcissist who's been loved bomb you because you've given your power away to him You've literally given your power away and now he's got you hooked But he's got you hooked because you gave your power away Whereas that wait for by the way the woman who is solid in her self-love who's solid in her confidence Repels Narcissist very quickly. I mean they don't stick around for very much long very long because they're so centered in themselves They don't they they literally repel narcissists, but I'm not they're not gonna repel the guy Who's the anxious guy who's excited because that's the guy you want you what the guy who's excited about you? Now if you're concerned about being attracted to a narcissist, then I highly recommend my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway because it's all about firming up your self-worth your self-confidence your self-reliance your self discipline So you don't have to worry about if a guy's love bombing is coming from a disingenuous place of insecurity Or it's just coming from a place of excitement like where most guys are coming from. I love getting excited about someone And I'm sure you love getting excited ladies. You do this too. You you try on his last name Come on. You've done this before. I'm sure you've tried on his last name to see how he fits That's just that's just human nature. That's just part of the dance And we call it love bombing, but really all it is is enthusiasm and excitement and yet sadly for the insecure person They need love bombing to convince you to like them So if it's overt and it's just too much and if it feels so smothering Then that might be a clue and again if you put this person on the pedestal you're screwed I mean that's that's that's Dating 101 no no don't put someone up on a pedestal because then you don't have to worry about if they Flake on you because you're so solid in your sovereignty your solid and your self-love that it doesn't really matter what they do What matters most is how you feel about yourself Because the trap of the love bomber is again They need you to love them for you to for them to feel good about themselves But if you buy into it, that's because you need them to love you for you to feel good about yourself And the narcissist doesn't love you because they're so dependent upon that This is much deeper and certainly and my private coaching program I help women decipher between those guys who are genuine high quality guys versus the average guy versus those Guys with issues that you may want to stay away from I certainly can help that in my private coaching You can check out the link below to schedule a call with me on that as well All right, I've given you the short cliff the cliff note version of love bombing, but again It's just enthusiasm for most guys. That's all it is. There's nothing wrong with that. That's just men being human Alright, I hope you found value in this video. I'd like to hear your thoughts Please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you've got something to say I certainly I want to hear it if you've got a question of me post the question I read almost all of them. I'd love to get a dialogue going with you. I don't necessarily respond to all But I do my best All right I'm gonna wrap up this video today as I always do going forward First off giving myself a big gigantic hug of self-love and I'm gonna ask you to give yourself a big hug of self-love I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone next to you and give them a hug Because we all need hugs because hugs is a great form of love and we can all use a lot more love Wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now