 The Jack Benny program. Ladies and gentlemen, on this momentous occasion, we're broadcasting from the magnificent civic auditorium in historic city of San Francisco. San Francisco, low on the world over for its luxurious building. It's beautiful gold and gate. It's extensive harbor. It's gigantic and impressive bridges. By the time he gets to me, I won't mean a thing. Now I know how Berkeley feels. So from this colorful city, we bring you that ganky doodle dandy, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don is certainly a thrilling to be here in San Francisco. A city that reminds me so much of Waukegan. Yes, sir. Oh, now, wait a minute, Jack. I don't blame you for being proud of your hometown, but let's not be ridiculous. Ridiculous? Are you kidding Don? Mention one thing that San Francisco has, that Waukegan hasn't got. Well, uh, Waukegan doesn't have the bridges, the Golden Gate, Fisherman's Wharf, paved streets, electric lights, department stores, automobiles, bicycles, trees, and- Ha, ha! I knew if I let you go, you'd hang yourself. We've got bicycles. They may have high front wheels, but we've got them. Nevertheless, I do agree with you, Don. San Francisco is a beautiful city. Ah, you bet it is, Jack. But a funny thing happened to me this morning when I was walking down Knob Hill. Walking down Knob Hill? Yes. When I got halfway down, I stopped to rest, and a traffic cop came over and made me point my poles into the curve. Well, you can't blame him, Don. If you ever started rolling, you flattened everything south of Market Street. You know, when- when you're out for a stroll, you look like a walking plenary session. You've got plenty of plenary there, brother. Oh, my man. And, Don, if you notice how crowded it is here in San Francisco, it was just fortunate that I made my reservations eight months ago. Oh, well, then you were lucky, Jack. Where are you living at the top of the mark? No, at the bottom of the Lancer Gym. But it's really beautiful down there. You can look up and see the bay, you know? Of course, after five days, I had to give up my room, and I'm now living at the Claremont Hotel in Berkeley. You know, that's your Oakland. But, Jack, you come over to San Francisco so often, with that pole bridge. Don't you find it rather expensive crossing the bay? Not at all, Don. It just happens that I brought my bathing suit with me. You know. Well, Jack, isn't that a little dangerous? It wasn't until yesterday that Coast Guard came out after me that I thought I was a German submarine giving myself up. I wouldn't have minded that so much, but they fired a shot across my bow. Fortunately, I was bowing at the time. Hiya, Jackson. All right, folks, you're all in clover, because Harris is here and the law is over. Well, how are you enjoying San Francisco? Oh, it's great, Don. See, this is really a pretty village, especially at night. When you're looking down at the city from the top of a tall building, and all the colored lights are flashing on and off, gosh, it's beautiful. Looks just like a pinball machine. Oh, fine, comparing San Francisco to a pinball machine. Sure, Jackson, the whole town is tilted. Killed it? Yeah, Frankie, my guitar player said it's the first time he's ever been sober in the city cockeyed. I hope the change wasn't too much of a shock to him. By the way, Phil, where are you and Frankie living? Well, we couldn't find the room, Jackson, so we've been spending all our time up to the top of the mark. Oh, that must be beautiful. Yeah, what a view. On a clear day, you can see the bar. I know, I know. And say, Jackson, you want to hear something cute? What? Well, last night, Frankie had a couple of drinks, and you know those big turntables they have at the end of the cable car lines? You mean those turntables that revolve the cable cars on? Yeah, well, Frankie kept watching them all one night. And finally, he walked over to the conductor and said, listen, Chum, I've been here for seven hours. When are you going to put on one of Crosby's records? Well, Phil, I can understand Frankie standing there for seven hours. What were you doing there? I was waiting for that's what I like about the sound. Well, Phil, all I can say, well, here comes our little songbird. Hello, Larry. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hey, I was looking for you all week to find out what you're going to sing today. Where are you living? Oh, I'm at the Sir Francis Drake. I have a lovely room overlooking. A room? Overlooking what? I don't know. It hasn't got a window. Oh, it's so proud of you. They probably stuck you in a broom closet. Go ahead, kid. Let's have your song. Come on. Let's have it. I see stars on weekdays, and on weekdays. No matter what dawn may be, no matter what you may say, there's always one little thing. Phil, someday I'd like to- Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. Someday I'd like to- Wait a minute. You're not Mary. No, I'm Rita Hayward. Oh, Rita Hayward. Rita, this is certainly a surprise. What are you doing here? Well, Jack, I stopped in to visit Mary at her hotel and she had a very bad cold. Oh, yes. I bet I know how she caught that cold. She crossed the bay with me and didn't bring a towel. That's too bad. I know that Mary would have been thrilled to be here. She really wouldn't. Anyway, Jack, Mary asked me to come over here and take her place. Well, that's awfully sweet of you, Rita. Naturally, I don't expect you to do this for nothing. I suppose Mary told you that I'll pay you the same salary that I'm paying her. Yes, but I came anyway. Oh, Rita, you little vixen you. But no kidding. I'm so glad you're here because, well, I wanted to tell you that I've often, in fact, I- No, I better not say it. What is it, Jack? You can tell me. No, you'll only think I'm a silly kid. No, I won't. I promise. Well, okay, I'll confess, Rita, that I, little Jack Benny, have often dreamed about you. Why, I think that's sweet. Oh, but, Jack, when you dreamed about me, did you ever dream that I'd be on your program? No, I always kept business out of it. Say, Rita, while you're here in San Francisco, where are you staying in Berkeley or Oakland? Oh, I have a very nice room right here at the Palace Hotel. The Palace Hotel? Right here in town? Yes. Well, imagine getting a room right... What have you got that I haven't got? Nothing, nothing, but I'm supposed to walk that way. Got that over with a bang, kid. No. Well, Miss, Miss Hayworth, I want to tell you how much I enjoyed your latest Columbia musical tonight and every night. I thought you were wonderful in it. Thank you, Don. Oh, yes, I saw it too. And by the way, Rita, I have a picture playing here in San Francisco this week. It's called The Horn Blows at Midnight, and it's doing terrific business. Yes, I know, Jack, but don't you think you're unfair trying to cash in on being called the reputation? Well... Imagine changing the title from The Horn Blows at Midnight to Blowing My Way. Well, I know what I'm doing, Sister. I'm a businessman, you know. Well, Jack, if you're such a businessman, why did you jiff the cable car company out of their fare? What do you mean, jiff? I saw you on Powell Street. Huh? When you thought no one was looking, you walked out in the middle of the street, got down on your knees, stuck your finger in the slot, hooked it around the cable, and let it pull you up the hill for nothing. Oh, I just did that for a gag. You know, people expect me to be funny. Hey, Jack, after the show, I got a little spot and we'll... Hey, who's this happy little bundle of technicolor? Okay, okay. Rita, I'd like you to meet Whispering Phil Harris. Hello, Phil. Oh, brother, all this is a salary, too. This is it. I bet if she ever walked into the conference, she'd be whistled at in 46 different languages. Well, you know, Rita, the minute I seen you, I knew you were my type. Slow down, Phil. She's married. She's married to Orson Welles. Who's he? Rita, you tell him. Well, my husband is an actor, a writer, a director, a producer, a columnist, and a commentator. Well, if he's that busy, what am I worried about? Don't mind him, Rita. He just came with the band. The union says you got to have one. Oh, he doesn't bother me, Jack. And I think I'd better be running along now. See you later. Wait a minute, Rita. What's your rush? Where are you going? Well, I've got to hurry over to the Bay Bridge. And there's such a crowd there, I won't get a place close to the rail. Close to the rail? Why? Well, I understand every afternoon, some eccentric fellow swims across the bay. Oh, I see. Well, it takes all kinds of people to make a world. Anyway, Rita, thanks very much for coming over. Now, I'm sure Mary appreciates it too. Goodbye. So long, Jack. It was nice of her to come over and leave Orson all by himself. And now... You like that one, Orson? And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, as an added attraction, we have another surprise for you. A very dear friend of mine who has entertained the boys overseas in both theaters of war and is preparing to go again. The world's greatest harmonica player, Larry Adler. The World's Greatest Harmonica The World's Greatest Harmonica The World's Greatest Harmonica The World's Greatest Harmonica Maricana, played by Larry Adler. Larry, that was wonderful. Thank you, Jack. You pronounced it so well, too. Jack, we certainly had a lot of fun on... on those overseas trips, didn't we? We sure did. And Larry, when you played your harmonica, the boys really went for it. I know, Jack, and when you played your violin, the boys really went. Hmm. I'd answer that, but I have another important introduction to make. Oh, who are you going to introduce now, Jack? The Governor of California. You mean the Governor is here? Yes. What have we done now? Nothing. And now, one of the honored guests here, Governor Earl Warren. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you, Jack. Guys, Governor, I'm so excited. You know, this is the first time I've ever had a Governor on my program. I don't know how to act. I don't know what to do. Well, for one thing, stand up. You don't have to critsie. Oh! Oh, I didn't know. Well, Jack, I just want to tell you how happy we are to have you here in San Francisco at this time. I did meet one very important person who really knows what it's all about. Jack, I had lunch with him twice. His name is Mr. Dyer. Edward Dyer. Edward J. Dyer? Yes. Do you happen to know him? Well, I should. He's my chauffeur. Well, he's a, he's a lovely fellow. Anyway, Governor, it's been a great pleasure to be here in San Francisco. My cats and I feel highly honored having been asked to appear on this program. Goodbye, Governor. Goodbye, Jack. Oh, my goodness. What's the matter, Jack? I'm meant to ask the Governor to come to the big reception I'm giving in my honor tonight. You know, Mayor Lapham is going to be there, too. Mayor Lapham? Yeah, he's the one who wears those zoop neckties, you know those things. Well, I'll get in touch with the Governor later, and I'm sure he'll... There's a phone. I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Dyer. This is Rochester. Oh, Rochester, what is it? I wanted to let you know that everything is all set for the reception you'll give him tonight. Well, I hope you explained it was absolutely free. Uh-huh. And I also explained that you would have a place by the door in case they wanted to show their appreciation. Rochester, that plate is there for calling cars. It never was before. I'll talk to you about that later. Will you be home when I get there? Ah! All right, all right, goodbye! We've been listening to the Jack Benny program with Phil Harris, Larry Stevens, Rochester, and Jack's special guests, Rita Hayworth and Larry Adler. The program is coming to you from San Francisco. But don't go away, folks. There's more to follow. Yes, it's Phil Harris in the orchestra beating it out with Stompin' at the Savoy. Then Phil sings Shoe Shoe Baby and the orchestra again with the Chastre Bounce. Bye, bye, bye, but don't cry, baby. Bye, baby, pretty baby. When I come back, we live a life of peace. Seems kind of tough now. Say goodbye this way. But Papa's got to be rough now. So he can be sweet to you another day. Bye, bye, bye, baby. Oh, don't cry, baby. Goodbye, pretty baby. Papa's gone to the 7C. This has been music by Phil Harris in his orchestra. This is the Armed Forces Radio 7.