 I borrowed £50,000 and it was a lot of money then, and I borrowed it off of a friend's father. I turned it into about £40-50 million over 17-18 years. I ended up in a mental institution for three months, and my drug use was to stay awake at work, stay awake at work, and then it just developed to be a drug addict. I once in the end used for 29 days and nights, cocaine-only dry sniffing, no sleep, no food. I ended up caught in an ambulance and my blood pressure was 299 over 199. People had said it's impossible. The ambulance drivers couldn't move and they didn't know what to do. And then it dropped to 80 over 40 and I went over. I never wanted to die but I didn't know how to live. One of them took the cricket bat off me and went to hit me and I just flipped. And I picked a stump up and I stabbed him with a stump many times. I just lost, it was four years, come out in one go. I booked a wedding, all booked, all paid. Sorry, all booked, all paid. A few days before my wedding caught me in bed with another man. Fucking hell. And it just fucking broke me, shattered me. I actually remember crying for over six months every day of the week. The truth is I would have took her back. She didn't want me. Boom, we're on. Today's guest, we've got the main man, Glenn Tamplin. How are you, brother? Good times you. Yeah, amazing. First of all, thanks for coming on the show and showing me your amazing gaffe, man. It's unbelievable. So a man, multi-millionaire, 42nd most powerful man in Essex. Now your owner of Romford Football Club, also manager, great result last night. A man who's battled addictions, died over those actually, brought you back to life. So a very interesting life, brother. But let's go right back to the start, where you grew up and how it all began. Yeah, okay. Well, listen, thank you for having me. I'm humbled that you got me on the show. I know you're one of the biggest out there and thank you for picking me. So yeah, childhood wasn't good for me when I look back. And that's why I say it's not how you start, it's how you end. Because my start wasn't good. My father was in jail from when I was two years old. Didn't know him. I lived on a cancer state in the block of flats. My mum would do the washing in the bath. Couldn't afford a washing machine. We had nothing. From eight years old to 12 years old on the cancer state, I would get beaten up every day by four brothers on the estate. I was bullied literally 365 days a year for four years. Had to up 1500 days on the trots, quite a lot of bullying. Never had a father. Had a stepfather who had a blessing done his best, but he was a very timid guy. So he couldn't deal with his brothers or their father. There was nothing I could do. My parents would be disappointed in me because I wouldn't fight back because I was too scared. So I felt like I failed from very young. Got to about 12 and a half, 13 years old, just before my 13th. And I was playing cricket and I see the brothers walking over to me. I didn't really have any friends. I was just the one that was bullied and dimmed for in. And I see them walking over to me and one of them took the cricket bat off me and went to hit me and I just flipped. And I picked a stump up and I stabbed him with a stump many times. I just lost. It was four years come out in one go. But the message with that was I was a success from that day because everyone on the estate feared me. All the brothers left me alone. My mum was proud of me. And all of a sudden I could walk with my head held high and my chest out. So from that day the mask went on. That day it went on. Within a month of me being a tough guy, pretending to be a tough guy and I couldn't fight all I would do was use a weapon. I got told my father wasn't my father. So when you were brought up from zero to 13, I can only remember back to say two, three or four, I can't remember if I'm back, but although my dad was a very timid guy he took me football. He loved me. He was an amazing father to the best of his abilities and I was blessed to have him. And I thought he was Superman. I never understood why he didn't go around the ass and beat these kids' dad up. I never understood it. But now I realise he was a timid guy who wasn't that guy. But to me he was Superman. Then the man I love with every part of me tells me in my mum's sit down and says he's not my dad. And it broke me. It absolutely broke me. Because I was a tough guy then, I didn't shed a tear. I think my words were I don't give a fuck. I walked out and went on the streets. And that's when I tried to grow my name on the streets. And I went to meet my real dad about two weeks after and it had turned out that my real dad was coming out of prison so my mum was going to get back with my real dad. That's why she was leaving my stepdad. That's why it all got brought to me when it had been covered up because my name had been changed and my real name was Thomas. My father in prison was called Thomas but I'd been changed to Tamplin so I had the surname of my stepfather. Why would I believe anything else? Then I was planning for roaring at the time. I got released by Orient. So sorry, let's go back. So I went to meet my father. Within two weeks he didn't want anything to do with me. So that was a failure. And then he didn't want to be with my mum. So my stepdad gave my mum another chance. Then he moved out to South End which was miles away from all my friends that are the streets or I fought with my friends. Excuse me, all I had was football actually really then. It was the only thing I was okay at. And basically within another two weeks Apache Holland who run it said to me, we're releasing you. I was like, my dad told me I'm the best player. He said, dad's a liar. Didn't really work over that one really. But that's the lesson. That's why I've always been honest with my son, brutally honest, never lied to him. So childhood, I'll get up to 13 because I've gone quite a long way. It was fucking shit. And I was taught that wearing a mask and being something you wasn't was the way to be successful. That was my upbringing about 13. So when did things, when did you start getting involved in addiction because there's a massive percentage, I think it's over 70% for a childhood trauma. The addiction having the same effect which is kind of linked. So obviously going through the bullying the abandonment issues with your father no matter how much we block that shit out and suppress those feelings, eventually it will come to the surface. For me personally, it's when you're struggling the best thing to do is hide and drink drugs. Like you say, the mask. For me it was a laughing man. I made everybody laugh. Somebody wanted me to do something stupid. Daft asshole do it. Because you accept me for that. But I was getting accepted from the wrong people. Getting loved from the wrong people where it's a slippery slope as you can see yourself. Because I know you were with West Ham as well and you started getting released. Was that because you never believed in yourself or because you had that mentality where you had to have the mask on all the time where as if you never really gave a fuck? No. I actually had the mask on and pretend I didn't give a fuck because it was the only way I felt powerful. It was the only way I felt worthy. It was the only way I felt that life was worth living. As in answer to the addiction now understanding addiction because of what I've been through the counseling I've had and meeting many people like you have been through it and talking and having conversations with people which is something I really couldn't do for a long time. I realised the addiction actually started when I was 11 when I was good at football because I would go football Monday, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays. Two teams on a Saturday, two teams on a Sunday and four games a weekend. My addiction started when I was getting bullied because the only thing I was good at and people liked me was football before the violence was football so my addiction started when I was getting bullied I wasn't getting the love I needed and football was the only thing that I was good at and excelled at. So I was addicted to football from 19 years old because it was the only thing that made me feel worthy. So when did you start coming away from football? What age? No, I played football all my life I didn't give up football until I was 28 but what happened is it got released by Orient that broke for me because Orient was a realistic level then I think then what was Division 2 but then it was Division 1 and Division 2 and in those days she had white hair schemes and Orient had almost guaranteed me a white hair scheme where West Ham would have had them so when I was still at West Ham at the time I knew my time at West Ham I knew I was a pawn at West Ham because we're football clubs and academies and the league of parents don't realise if your son's only playing for his age group week in, week out and he's only getting half the game and he's not playing two years up he's just a pawn because they need 11 players to make a team and they're only looking at two or three players well I was a pawn but my dad couldn't see it but after what Patsy Olin had told me at Orient I realised I wasn't good enough that broke me so I knew within a year I'd be gone at West Ham because I didn't believe in myself anyway so for me football was like I fixed on football was when I put my mask on and I wore it for a very long time probably up until I stopped playing it because even when I played non-league so from 17 I went into non-league but I would be aggressive on the pitch because I had a name but really in them days it was elbow as you had the ball you go through the knee and you're right it was a different game so I was an aggressive player and that's what I'd done, I had no talent but in them days that's what I wanted so I played right up until 29 I'd done a double at the Barking site won the cup at Barking was at Romford for a couple of years then called Collier Row so I've been in football pretty much most of my life were you drinking or anything through those years? I mean I was drinking from 18 but what's really weird is my drink was in control I would drink stop when I wanted to go to bed so it's funny I was in and out of addiction but I was still fixing on football even though I'd go out drinking so my addiction with drugs didn't start until I reached all my goals and I got bored which we'll get to later on but no I would go out for 10 years I'd go out and drink normally because I didn't touch cocaine until I was 31 32 so for me drink wasn't a problem so addiction I didn't even understand addiction it's crazy isn't it though that people think it's you're addicted straight away it's just certain traumas I know the strongest men it's became the weakest and also the weakest it's became the strongest certain circumstances you can push you over the edge so when you started football when did you start becoming successful then business were you working on that from a young age or was that come later in life now there's my second addiction I'm not going to say names I fell in love with who I believe was the woman of my dreams at the time I realised now it wasn't but at the time it was my first real love we'd been together a couple of years and we'd booked a wedding this was I was about 23-24 booked a wedding all booked all paid sorry all booked all paid a few days before my wedding caught me in bed with another man fucking hell and it just fucking broke me shattered me I actually remember crying for over six months every day of the week the truth is I would have took her back she didn't want me love stronger and what it was is it was her boss at work and when I look back there's nothing wrong with that we're all from the royal family to the crackhead we're all equal to human beings but the person she went with was her sales manager and it broke me because she denied being with him and I knew she was with him and I'd been watching and I made a constructive decision in my brain and it probably wasn't the truth but in my head she'd left me for money because he was he was a manager the truth actually is I was insecure I wasn't right around her family I was jealous about her relationship with her mum, her dad and her brother and the truth is I drove her away that's the truth I can accept today and I drove away the woman that I loved so I don't blame her to this day she'd done the right thing but in my head it was because the bloke had money because I couldn't face the truth about me so I pressed the fuck it button then for the real first time well the first time I guess it was when I stabbed the kid but the second time I pressed the fuck it button and I said I'm pouring all my eggs in one basket and no woman is going to hurt me again my mum's hurt me now my wife to be is hurt me my dad's hurt me anyone at football is hurt me I can't trust anyone my death is coming in my hands this time I glued the mask on at any expense I was going to be financially successful and no one was going to ever leave me again for money and she didn't but in my head she did so the insecurities but again going back to your past that trauma that pain because for you to love someone including myself every one of my relationships break down wise because I'm insecure I'm still vulnerable I'm scared as soon as I get serious with someone I end up two or three months down the line I'm scared that they'll fucking hurt me I'm still fragile people say you're doing well you're doing this I don't fucking see it I don't feel it I know what I'm doing is right and I'm channeling all my energy into the same thing but relationships for me that scares me what you say is to give someone everything drop the mask because I can talk all this piss but try to put it into practice as well which is difficult because I still don't trust anyone and that is something that I'm deeply because I fucked everyone over for years so it's difficult because I know what I'm like even you're sitting here even me doing this I've still got an agenda and everything I'm still self-seeking do you know what I mean I'm still a selfish bastard and people will understand it but for me in relationships that is everything right now I'm still trying to work on me is to love myself because I believe you can't love anyone else unless you love yourself and people always look for the final piece of the puzzle where it's maybe in a relationship but it's not because if you're in a fucking country or place and you're looking for that that final link it ain't gonna work because two, three months down the line that mask slips and you become that possessive looking through phones jealous falling out when they go to the shops because in your mind they're fucking away cheating that's a disease as well that's where our disease kicks in that mental habit so how did that that was for you to switch and go fuck it I'm gonna show her I'm gonna show him that I'm not a failure but that was all in your mind anyway everything you've created has made more patterns in your mind but it's worked for you because if it didn't it could have pushed you you've been over the edge I mean I believe we'll always go over the edge in life so many fucking times but you're back now so for you was that the catalyst that pushed you over the edge to keep creating more havoc when you glued the mask on as you don't know what if you're any more hot yes because my drug addiction started because I borrowed £50,000 and there was a lot of money then and I borrowed it off of a friend's father I turned it into about £40-50 million over 17-18 years but I was working 15-16 hours a day, seven days a week so I had no time to have a life or be normal or have a conversation I was just work work work if you didn't do it my way if you sold 100 I wanted 110 if you sold 110 I wanted 120 sold 1,000 I wanted 2,000 never satisfied in anything I've done in business and I burned out and I literally was asleep on my table and someone offered me look try this and I've been around I've seen people on coke but I'd never seen an addict and I tried it and it woke me up so I was so addicted to doing money the sensible thing right there would have been no listen I would do less days to get more people in but because I again they're mistrust I can't control my business they'll fucking feed me off of me they'll be feeding money I'm the boss, I'm in control I'm the big man I'm king of the castle really I was absolutely fucking putty and mushing so I ended up the drug use was to stay awake at work stay awake at work and then it just developed to be a drug addict isolating and listen the first two years then I would take it when I went out at clubs partying and I partied like P. Diddy I mean I had the best tables in the Christown and we had it large and I'm smiling because I enjoyed that that's the first time I've seen you smile I fucking loved it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha see me fucker it soon turned it's fucking tripping on the hammering and come and cut me, cut me arm but as soon as I started but I knew, do you know what this is a crazy thing I knew what was coming but there's no one around strong enough to tell me what was coming and although I knew it was coming there's a story here where this proves I didn't understand addiction I had a gardener that works here Paul Cox blesses blesses Sal I've never been told he's a harlequin spirit around me by some mediums and stuff anyway, his wife at the time Tracy came to me she said look, Paul's got I've given him a job in the yard as well and in the garden and he used to drink he was an alcoholic and a cocaine addict she said I've had enough I can't do it no more me and his boy were going I said give me one chance to get him well I had my heart to help people but he came in and I said fucking else because I didn't understand it see you, you see fuck a bit of white powder I go out, do the white powder, I perform I put it down and go to sleep, why can't you do that because I didn't understand it you're going to rehab you're going for 60 days to Spain you've got no choice or I'm fucking second I'm getting you well, do you understand and I bullied him in the garden but I was helping him he was saving his marriage he came back two days hung himself so I had that in my conscience because I had forced him, he left a note he basically said I'm not happy so but I'm not happy using and I now understand because the truth is I never wanted to die but I didn't know how to live and I misunderstood addiction so bad then that I pushed something to it because I didn't understand it now I know until you're rock bottom until you've had enough, only you can that's the problem with addiction this is for anybody watching as well nobody is coming to save you not your mum, not your dad, not your brother not your sister, nobody is going to chap your door and say let's go, you need to dig deep and do it for yourself because they say we have a chemical imbalance you, me, where our neurons don't work the same our dopamine levels aren't the same we get it through overworking, sex, drugs so if we take that dopamine kick line a Charlie, boom we feel alive, that pain that we mask for years, the bullying, the hatred the fucking break ups, the blaming yourself blaming yourself for the suicide we can't handle that why? because you're sensitive, I'm sensitive what we do is when we're full of cocaine we're in an egg club, standing in fucking tables got our cock out, pissing everywhere having a laugh, not caring, not got a care in the world but deep inside when we go home and everybody thinks we're the Billy Big Balls that Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday we're in my bed, cutting shut fucking crying, hating on the world and we don't know why, because I believe and even alcohol I believe is a big drug even I believe that takes you back maybe two steps as well, I believe that's a depressant I'm not just, I was never an alcoholic but at the weekends the drink led me to the Charlie and then it was the weed and then it was Valium and then it was fucking hookers, it was just the whole I had the whole list but for the worries dopamine levels it's important for people to understand that it's okay if you'll sad it's okay but the natural chemicals is we do a lot of cold water exposure as well we gun the mountains and get into the cold waters which has massive effect for dopamine walking in mountains, running exercising yoga I've said this many a time, scientists did a study on the brain, they rigged the brain up to a machine and gave it a maths out of 10 how much dopamine levels kick in so they rigged the brain up from sex, alcohol psychedelics and meditation sex, alcohol was an 8 out of 10 how the brain reacted sex was a 9, psychedelics was a 9.5 and the only thing it was a 10 was meditation and yoga meditation and breathing exercises and that was the only thing that you could do within and that was the only thing you never got a calm down from so all these feelings and connections that we can get, we can get it from the natural things in life, which is difficult for people to understand but shut the fuck up because if somebody was to tell me this shit five years ago, I'd have told them to go fuck themselves do you know what I mean do you think also your overworking was to block out your pain your heart ache, your misery my overworking was because I didn't know who I was I wasn't comfortable with my own skin I wasn't comfortable with my own skin and it gave me, when you're paying people they agree with you because I'm so insecure, my wife could do nothing wrong because I'm so insecure, my wife could do nothing wrong and I'd go, yeah Steve she looked at him like this didn't she and he'd go, yeah because he would people please me the power it brought to me and what it gave me was huge it gave me control, it gave me power so the more power I got from buying power the more I wanted more power because even that wasn't enough so yeah the answer to your question 100% that was what drove me, yeah what was your darkest moment then so I my darkest moment my first four children Carly was with a woman called Carly my darkest moment was when she left me and took the kids and I lived in this great big mansion on my own and by then when I used it makes me laugh because people on social media go, oh he's just had a line and done that dance no no no if I do a line, I'm on my hands and knees I'm behind the city and looking out of cracks in windows looking behind curtains and looking for the key helps I'm not dancing, I can't believe me so it makes me laugh when people say that so for me I would have been bare off in a squat or a one bedroom flat because when you're in a mansion with 30 rooms and you're using it on your own and it's full of demonic spirits and it's full of noises everywhere you go and the devil's running you around ragged and I used to get blisters on my feet because I'd walk to the left wing, to the right wing to the east wing, to the west wing running around, I would spend 10 hours trying to find who was in my house that's all I would do that was my using and by the time I called a woman in the night, by the time she got there she was old building a kicker out before she even got in the house because the paranoia was so bad so for me people don't understand where this stuff takes you so my darkest point was when my missus left me, she took my four kids because one thing I press myself is see that when I come to the father I had I won't be that man I'm going to be the best father in the world and all of a sudden I've failed as a father because my father didn't abuse me I was better off not knowing him because he didn't abuse me with substance I didn't see him coming in out of his nut and half dead or using pot medical and seeing him doing a line of gear my poor boy Archie and Grace he went through that and they're still damaged now from that and for me I lost everyone I loved and everyone I cared about and here's the problem she said to me get well and I moved back in my head said fuck you, you've given up on me I'm going forward not backwards and I couldn't look back at what I'd done I could only move forward in two weeks I met another woman which was disgusting after ten years with her but I could only go forward, I couldn't look back the pain was too much so I was using on my own in the house without my children I couldn't get my children back until I got a little bit of clean time I was with a woman that I didn't want to be with I was isolating and using and that's when a day become three days, three days become five days, five days I once in the end used for 29 days and nights cocaine only dry sniffing no sleep, no food I ended up calling an ambulance my blood pressure was 299 over 199 people would say that's impossible the ambulance drivers couldn't move and they didn't know what to do with me and then it dropped to 80 over 40 and I went over they were definitely the darkest days alone, lost everything you love but can't fight to get it back and want to die but haven't got the bollocks to take your life that was my low point so how was your business then going through all that, did that go down the pan no, this is the amazing thing really about how clever I said it is and this is where we underestimate ourselves when we're in a darkness because we are very talented but you don't realise that until you get into brightness I knew what was coming before I come and had it I knew when I was taking cocaine for half a day during the day and I was going home and I was fighting to go to bed because I had an important meeting the first couple of months I won that fight I didn't win it after that but I knew so I literally got someone who was my second in control gave him shares in the company said to him I remember some time off that because I'm struggling he run my company for six years and I got 70% income I was getting but I would have lost everything if I hadn't seen what was coming and put him in charge this would be a whole different story but I even knew what was coming and I still couldn't stop it how crazy is that because you're dead as well you died that's the way for that experience so that is when I got well once I OD'd and once I died it was a brain image so what happened was about five years ago my sponsor had moved in he was trying to help me because I was really bad because no one knew anyone that took the amount that I took of cocaine and was still alive my arteries were getting calciumized my feet were going different colours they was talking about having my hands and feet amputated but I didn't give a fuck I didn't care every time I took a line I took a bigger line so I'd blow my heart up and I'd die but it never worked do you think you were trying to kill yourself at certain points? taking more coke and your mind open not to wake up? tried many a time because you don't fall asleep on coke because I didn't take because I didn't drink because I didn't take downers because every time someone took a sleeping tablet around me they died because their heart would go it was too quick to change so what was good with me? I'm not teaching anyone to do this I'm not recommending this but what I'd done was when I was so far gone and so out of it and I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest and I literally had cold sweats cold sweats become normal for me cold sweats and vomiting become normal for me I'd get all the my left hand side would freeze I'd get everything I'd go foggy and cloudy I couldn't use my left hand I couldn't use my left foot my jaw would ache my heart would flare up my heart would vibrate instead of beat I probably had 20-30 heart attacks but then I'd try and blow it up but the craziest thing for me was I'd never had the bullets take my life but I would love to have took a coke but you don't fall asleep on coke so I literally would have to pass out before I went to sleep I couldn't sleep so I once, it's not funny but once I blew cause I wanted to get some shit out of my nose it was all blocked up so I used to have the whole clearing it out and someone used to be I'd blow it and it would feel like it's a brick up in my nose but I'd get it out I couldn't bud I'd warm around the sides and once I'd done it and this fucking my whole septum fell out but with it was blood pumping like a tap I was like oh shit how am I going to get coke up there it's my first fault five minutes later it's not stopping I've had from my MMA stuff I've had many broken nose and blood I don't know if my penis did like this it's always stopped but it didn't stop so I've ended up sitting in the caravan down the bottom like that letting my nose bleed cause I wanted to bleed to death and my wife looked at me she said what are you doing I said die and there must have been two liters of blood on the floor I've gone white and she called an ambulance and I tried to run away cause I didn't want to live the ambulance got here and it worked out that I had a brain image because obviously it was always going to come but it found its way out of my nose so if I hadn't had that blockage I would have died cause it would have gone the blockage this time saved my life but I thought I got it out because I wanted to sniff another line of gear that's why I got it out and it saved my life because the blood found its way out but then by the time they got here I was passed out on the floor they couldn't bring me round but I was passed out I wasn't dead and they recommended they lost me for about 30 seconds but they got me back there was nothing to do with God that way it probably was but it wasn't at the time so that was once the second time when I was in my house I'd been on about a 20 day bender and what I'd do is which I'll refer back to earlier I would ease myself down so if I was doing it sounds terrible but I was doing sometimes people are going to think I'm lying I'm not proud of what I've done I would buy coke in ounces and I would do an ounce an ounce every 3-4 days and when you count that over 3-4 weeks you've done 4 hours on your own it's ridiculous forget the financial implications the health implications so what I would do is I would go right okay I'm going to make this last and I would literally put 4 days or 5 days down going down slowly but I would sniff aspirin with it to finna my blood or true aspirin or true aspirin and in the end my dad had problems with his heart I'd nick his spray my mum had problems with her heart so I'd nick her all these things I know have kept me alive but I was self medicating to keep alive trying to do it anyway in the end I had an anxiety attack I don't know how to word it properly but it turned into a heart attack or the angina attack killed me but wherever it was and the cold sweats were so much that they couldn't get the ECG on me and I had run out of my spray I was going spray spray spray and I had this going you can't have spray until we get your heart rate I wanted to say but I couldn't use silly fucks I've been having spray for years but I couldn't say it and they couldn't treat me because they couldn't get the ECG I was washing it off I died they pronounced me dead and the next thing I see is and this is on my seven children's life this story this was when I had this was my rock bottom and thank the Lord his son came and saved me I'm looking at my wife she's cutting the teddy and I forgot what's going on what's the matter babe all the crying and crying uncontrollably crying now I'm upstairs bliss why are you ignoring me and then behind me it's almost like these camera lights I can feel this light getting brighter behind me oh I should have built a police vehicle turn around and there's Jesus full on in the form of an ultra-rescent light but not bright and there was so much space and so much peace and so much serenity don't take me Lord but I can't wait to go there it was amazing and I can only talk about this now at this level because I'm thinking about that and it took my hand it didn't drag me it was lovely it was like the first time I felt real love or I did feel real love and blissed my kids this was a kind of love this was a spiritual love and it started walking around thinking just come here then all of a sudden we went out the door and it come to me I remembered where I was and I was like I'm dead I was going no Lord please I was begging him begging him begging don't take me don't take me you haven't given me all these kids to leave them fatherless please don't take me so I looked at me and said will you fulfil your purpose son in such an amazing voice I said I promise you I will fulfil my purpose I promise you I will do anything and I'm back in my body but the problem is now all the pain is back all the suffering is back hatred, anger all back but that was the point I got well and stopped but then I was back downstairs bliss came running downstairs the old devil I was downstairs bliss came running downstairs and I said to bliss where is your teddy groggy she was like what what do you mean and the ambulance guy said it's okay they hallucinate when they die bliss went no no and I said no bliss she was teddy from Clintons she was cutting it quite upstairs and then the Lord come and save me and then bliss went how do you know that and the other bloke who was there there was about six ambulance people there but he was cutting women and four men he said he was a believer he said you made a visitation and the Lord saved your life son because you was dead you was dead and so for me I have met the Lord so I know there is a higher power and he saved my life from that days when I did tattoo that's when I committed my whole life to helping others but if you have felt that then I believe we are all going to higher power I believe we are all energies I believe that we don't remember what it's like before we die so we aren't going to remember after it I believe we have all got a purpose and the majority of people I speak to including yourself you don't realise but you will give people hope and inspiration that sometimes we are the pawns we are the ones who get used to go to dark places because if we don't go to dark places we ain't going to find the light and then it comes a stage where we guide people from shedding our own light and it's difficult to see when you are going through the change change is hard people think it's fucking easy if it was that easy everybody would do it you have to distance yourself from people I had to leave people who I know for 30 years the hatred that comes with it the loneliness I'm more alone now I've got so much going on but I still feel I need to stay in my path because there is always temptation there so how did when you were going through seeing the light what was your moment going through that how did you manage to build your life back because even changing all the people that I've fucked over in the past you start growing a conscience because the mask falls that glows came off your face the mask has fallen now you are vulnerable and now you realise I've fucked everyone over and it's difficult because you can't live in the past I believe in the power of now it's an amazing book if anybody is struggling for a moment and then just taking it day by day if you think about the past it brings fear, anxiety and depression same as the future we can concentrate on the finishing line too much and that will also fucking drain us so when you were going through your change to make these sacrifices what kind of steps and tools did you use to get through it there's a little bit what helped me I had all this shine, guilt and remorse around what I'd done to my wife and my kids because what people don't do they think I was disappeared, she's done it where she is because when you come back you're checking her phone as if she's been cheating when you get back you make sure she's not cheating because you know you're such an asshole she should be cheating it would have made sense if she did cheat and I wanted her to do something bad so that made me feel better so that side of things used to kill me to think about that but because I had a financial position I got fucked over by everybody they were using me for money they were charging me too much for drugs to get me stuff that wasn't going so for me I was more angry at other people for fucking me over and all the people I thought were my friends I realised weren't my friends so as a part of it it was easier for me because of my financial status people have fucked me over so I've got rid of people that have fucked me over that's easy to do but when you're around people that have loved you and supported you and not used you in any way and stood by it they're the ones that are so difficult to get through so what I would do is I wouldn't use any of the drug dealers that I'd used before because they'd fucked me over and then what I'd be honest with you what I'd done is I employed a very strong guy to work with me and every time I had an urge and almost handcuffed himself to me but every time I had an urge I agreed with him that I would talk to him about it like a sponsor? but my sponsor I would run rings around before because he was too nice so I needed a gangster sponsor so I had a gangster and a sponsor tough love so I wouldn't have got through it and I wouldn't have got clean about it because many times my head had so much power when that obsessive thought came with a great respect I forget every every I forget the last five hundred times it ended so badly I forget the deaths, I forget the blood clots I forget it all it's all in the past so I had help from someone that could mentally help me and I don't want someone that could physically not bully me but not let me get my own life so who's life now? honestly, I'm still the most insecure person to never meet my beautiful wife when she got out of the car earlier I'm still looking at you to see if you look at her I'm still as insecure as they come I worry about she's going out Thursday night I worry about losing because I love her so much I worry about my children dying I worry about people I care about dying although I quite look forward to death so I'm always going to be insecure but what I am is honest about that now stay there bottling it up stay there bottling it up so where am I I'm uncomfortable being comfortable so when I'm comfortable I go in the gym I make myself uncomfortable the reason I'm 48 years old I'm quite strong and quite physically well is because I have to go to the gym when I'm comfortable or when I'm bored because when I'm bored I'm bloody dangerous and when I'm comfortable I'm uncomfortable so here's the truth for me when I'm using I'm sick when I'm not using I'm even more sick but I can admit my faults today I can talk about my faults today and you've got people in jail they come out of jail and I'm getting on the straight and narrow living here you've got four addicts living here I've got a mansion here and I've got nine addicts and ex jailbirds living all around the mansion on my lands helping me and I'm helping them they've got me and I've got us so I make myself so busy so life is amazing I've got an amazing relationship with my wife I've got an amazing relationship with my friends I've got an amazing relationship with myself because I'm honest with myself but it's fucking tough fuck this money fuck the ass my brain is not right so life is fantastic but it's a battle every minute of every day last night we beat the underdogs beat top of the league team who are unbeaten five games behind everyone else ten points above everyone else we're complete underdogs and because I won I wanted to go and celebrate and my head said it would be good to celebrate doing cocaine the day before and my son and my head said oh god you're in a bad place don't use cocaine so for me highs or lows I want to use cocaine medium I'm not happy with so I have to get high or low so I'm fattening every minute of every day and the sun scored last night yeah it was fantastic so that's the beauty of life the fact that you can see that shit the fact that you're in the moment but this is a scary thing because I've seen fury multi-millionaire got all the belts battling his demons he's thinking as soon as I achieve that I'm going to feel not feel this pain anymore but the demons are still there your boy scores last night you come home you're still back the demons are fucking there but the beauty of life and I always say it the gift in life is given and you can have this big mansion all the big cars out there but now the fact that you're helping other people with addictions that's the beauty of life alcohol it's fucking helping others if you can help others bring them up there's no better feeling than that I do so much homeless work and suicide work up in Glasgow the reason being people think I'm helping them they're fucking helping me because I go home feeling as if I've achieved something I feel a sense of bliss where this makes sense this is my path this is what I'm set out to do but every day every morning I need to get up at six five six I need to meditate because if I don't I'll lay in my bed for three four days I'll post a couple of motivational fucking pictures so people think that I'm active and I'm doing oh you're amazing you're doing this I've just posted that in my fucking bedroom with a curtain shot just to pretend that I'm doing something because sometimes I feel people see right through me so I can walk my head down and I think oh shit they see me different faces for different places even here with you I've changed so much the way difference around is indifferent it's nuts the way we are but for what you're doing is unbelievable and the reason why we connected is because you did a video a couple of weeks ago your Twitter's really on filing now because of your video speaking out about addictions you did one I think it was like five in the morning you were in Barcelona with your family and I thought wow man that guy's fucking that's inspirational what he's doing he's identifying what needs to change and you've done a video five in the morning in Barcelona and you were talking about your heads fucked and I was like so is mine it made sense and it's good to see people speaking out because you give people hope then and inspiration and it's amazing man so fair play to you brother I'm proud of you for what you're doing in your videos it's really good man some of them are crazy I've seen one last night with your top off and you're doing the fucking what am I doing oh wait a minute he is fucking crazy so for what you've achieved you've done I take my heart off you it's fucking you should be proud because when you do good things not enough people pat you in the back you'll get the wrong people saying it but there's people out there who genuinely care what they'll say because you're probably looking at me and you you don't see what you're doing but other people see it so it's an amazing feeling for what you're doing honestly it's amazing so going forward for the future with yourself now that the past is behind you you're still battling every day you'll be what's your plans for the future right now I'm trying not to cry cause you're making me emotional it's the same thing we can't take compliments can we forgive them but thank you very much it means a lot and it was such a relief to actually get out to the public how I really am because I like to see my muscles, my cars, my watches my house and my life it's all an illusion it's all out of bollocks so all I've done was took the mask off again but my plans are we've got, we've had over we've had over 700 people now asking for help so my plans are in the next month my plans are my plan today is to stay clean but my plans for the next month is I've now found my purpose I've been looking for it and all I needed to do to find it was be honest but I never realised that but I found my purpose and I am going to be setting up the Rahab centres all around the country I'm going to be arranging with my media guy in the next two weeks I'm going to do a big conventional speech in four areas of the country in the month's time and I'm going to arrange groups and I'm going to start helping people this isn't for show, this is Twitter this is real shit so my next step is to help these people on Twitter so all I would like to get across in the podcast because you've got a lot more followers than me is hang on in there don't give up keep fucking fighting if you fall down get back up every champion wants to lose it more times than he found so my plan is I'm going to help these people I'm going to do what I said I'm going to do and I'm going to start keeping well by helping others but I'm going to make others believe in themselves because what Ronford are doing is showing that the underdogs can win the day like last night and that's what I need to do with the addicts because us addicts people look at us like we're on a park bench with a brown paper bag I bought a drink and a big vest saying we fucking ain't with normal human beings and most addicts have been very successful human beings so I don't care whether you've been successful or unsuccessful if you're on addicts because I've been in that black hole and I know the way out I can help you and I'm going to help you you've got to help yourself also see that's the beauty of life I believe everybody's got greatness in them the billionaire has the same 24 hours and a day as a homeless man it's how you utilise that sometimes we need to kick that sometimes we need that belief always say it hope if you've got hope you can change anything and you can rewire the brain you can change the way you think you can change the way you feel and if you keep doing what you're doing you've got the platform now you've got the funds to create change not just in Ronford but the world I believe if your dreams don't scare you they're not big enough so I'm fully behind you whatever you need as well we can back you from Scotland man 100% for what you're doing you should be proud of yourself brother this is very happy for you but we're just talking there's no bullshit it's not filtered it's to leave yourself open and speak the way you've spoken to you'll understand that you ain't alone brother you ain't a fucking alone we're all fucking crazy we're all fucked up it's been an absolute honour to have you on the day brother to share your story and help others if there's anybody you'd like to finish up one for anybody that's in the struggle or any information you'd like to give them just speak into that camera and give a message for anybody that needs hope well thank you for having me as I say I'm honoured to be on your show it's not the other way around and I feel a real connection with you a real bond which is crazy but understandable I understand you and you understand me so there's that bond the message I'd like to give out to is look on my twitter page there is a media connection and email address all you've got to search is glintemple on twitter and you'll find it we are going to be setting up groups we are going to be helping addicts you've got to want it yourself you've got to want to have reached rock bottom if you still enjoy it, don't bother coming to a meeting you're not ready yet but I promise you faithfully if you're at rock bottom and you've had enough I'll show you the way out whether you take it or not is your choice but I will give you my hand and I will reach in and I will try and pull you out but you've got to also you've got to take them old cocaine or drink or eating or gambling boots off leave them in the quicksand and let me pull you out with birthing we can do this if you believe in yourself don't give up on you don't ever give up on you and us addicts we all stick together and there's no INT we can do this we really can get well if you really want it thank you brother we'll put all the links in the description where you can get hold of Jay here and you can take it for air so stay strong, keep playing all the best thank you