 This morning I got an interesting comment from one of my YouTube followers And I thought I'd share it with you because I when we dive into some of the particulars when it comes to the Dating marketplace and the dating mating relating process. I think we get a better understanding of who's really Who is really desirous of a significant relationship and who's in it for just the fun? So let's lean into this for a second. I want to share with you what someone just wrote me a few minutes ago And they said people can date just for fun And it's okay as long as they don't say things that will lead the other party to think you want commitment when you don't If people could be more honest people in the dating apps ha ha as if there would be less misunderstanding It occurs to me that if and so as I was leaning into this for a moment It occurs to me that if men were absolutely Straightforward on their dating profiles. All I want is just sex a good time in sex Many men will actually get how many men will actually receive that now I know there is this belief that for example Tinder is the hookup place But the reality is is these days men and women buy into this Narrative that what I call relationship talk and what I mean to say is I think it's a unspoken rule between men and women that if a man says he wants a relationship a woman will believe them and then they'll engage in a short-lived encounter in many cases where there is some romance and some sex and Yet no real commitment. No real relationship is Developed from that Think about that for a moment if men were absolutely honest like what this woman has suggested How likely is a person going to want to engage in just an exploration of fun? Yes There is the small percentage of women that are just simply in it for hookups as well But the reality is is our current dating marketplace is based on the idea of the Exploration of a relationship an Exploration of a relationship at least that's the hidden promise that's supposed to happen between two people The problem with this unspoken Dynamic is it ends up leading a lot of people down the wrong path and by the way I do believe men I do believe most men are good guys. They're just bad daters, but more importantly I do believe most men are good guys. They're just lying to themselves when it comes to what do they really want in a Significant relationship. What do they really want? I'm referring to it. What do they want in this process? Listen folks that if you follow my channel, I particularly focus on those who only want partnership out of this dating Process out of this dating mating relating process through the dating marketplace only those who genuinely want Partnership with another person and to me partnership is most likely not always either living together or getting married. That's that's my belief That's my conversation My conversation isn't centered around how to meet You know how to have a short lived experience a Situation ship a casual relationship a friends with benefits and my job is to point out those who only seek those types of Relationship particularly the met Let me let me repeat this my coaching my whole channel is centered on how to determine Which guy is genuinely? Desirous of partnership versus all the others that are in it for a short term They're in it for a short term mating process not a long term mating process In fact, if you need some support with that check out the link below to a free discovery called with me to see if working with a coach is right for you So I want to lean into how does a man demonstrate? Really demonstrate he loves you. He really loves you And he's demonstrating his ways to show love Well going back to this original comment I want you to think of this how many men and women say the words I love you to each other But it's not a real commitment to one another That's right. How many men show them say how many men and women will say the words? I love you to each other, but it doesn't demonstrate a real commitment to one another I Get women asking me all the time Jonathan, I'm with a great guy, but I want more commitment out of them. I'm like great What does that look like for you? But Jonathan? I want more commitment out of them. I'm like great What does that look like for you? Jonathan? I want more commitment out of my guy. Great What does that look like for you? First ladies you have to determine what does commitment look like for you? Now if you follow my channel, you know, I have my rhetoric It's always at least in the big in the fairly early stage of dating once I once two people decide that they want to be Monogamous and exclusive with one another Monogamous and excuse me you might think they're the two same things. You know monogamy basically says I'm only sleeping with one person at a time Exclusivity means I won't be actively seeking others people At the same time in other words, I won't actively be on the apps Looking for somebody else. That's exclusivity monogamy is I'm just gonna sleep with one person at a time so when two people agree to Monogamy and exclusivity mainly calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend the standard I would invite you all to have is The following that we spend two three four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Travelling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional Intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married Now you might some of you might be going with Jonathan. I'm in a long-distance relationship. We can't see each other that often folks Proximity breeds continuity Proximity breeds continuity and what continuity means is continuous Just like the roots to a tree the more the more the roots continue to grow Through proximity That's stronger the the tree is okay, so proximity breeds continuity and continuity Leads to long-term commitment Yes, there's exceptions to the role I know some of you think even in my relationship It was long distance in our relationship. We spent a Significant amount of time together Significant in fact in the 90-day period we spent close to 40 days together That's more than most people spend when they actually live in the same tale. Okay so coming back to The idea of demonstrating love one of the most important things when people say I love you to each other in my opinion that Should be Kind of the agreement that we're going to really explore long-term commitment with one another And yet people like this woman who wrote dating should just be fun and saying I love you should just be for fun Okay No, I Believe when you get to that point of saying you genuinely love each other. There should be not there shouldn't be a There should be a not just implied Conversation of commitment, but an actual plan for long-term commitment with one another So how do you know the guys who really mean I love you for the long run because ultimately when you say I love you to each other isn't just I enjoy the good times with you I think it also should mean I'm gonna be there for you during the bad times through the tough times Maybe you're sick. I'm gonna be there for you. I want to take care of you not just Financially take care of you because I recognize that it's not about the financial piece, but it's the Emotionally take care of you spiritually take care of you Physically take care of you That's what real I think if you get to that point So I'm gonna share with you those six ways a man shows I love you and I'm gonna dive into this so I'm gonna say it out loud really quickly When a person says I love you this is how I believe it should mean I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you So I'm here Means I'm present to this relationship. My mind isn't wandering elsewhere I'm not gonna let all the other Important things in my life to take away from my being present to our relationship Present to this relationship. That's what I'm here means You matter That means you and I are on equal footing to one another It's not a one-up one-down type relationship. We're on equal footing with one another Your feelings matter to me your best interests matter to me you matter to me Think about that Is it trust really the You know, we oftentimes think of trust centered around fidelity But I really do believe when you trust someone is when they they say you matter to me That I'm not beneath you It's not all about it's not doing it my way or the highway And I know jokingly I will say but Jonathan I'm just supposed to sit my feminine energy you let him do all the work Folks a real healthy relationship is a two lane street a two lane street You're both equally investing in one another By the way, it's a gorgeous sunrise behind me All right, you matter we are important. We are important. That means the relationship is a separate entity There's a you there's a me then there's a collective we which means I'm investing in the growth of this relationship Have you experienced that? Do you experience a co-creative relationship? I mean by co-creative. It's two people Mutually investing in one another That is the kind of relationship that builds the deep roots that can sustain the tough times I'm here you matter we're important. I've got your back I've got your back Do you ever see the movie blind side? It was I think there was a lie in the movie that says I've got your back That means I'm protective of you I'm protective of you not just in the Financial sense. I'm there. I've got your back Emotionally I've got your back physically I've got your back spiritually meaning I'm being protective of you. I'm not going anywhere Look at I'm fully committed to this relationship. I don't want to leave I want this to to go deeper and Want this to go deeper Think about that. What does deeper mean? Deeper means is that is the building of that trust with one another You know these days people say I love you so cavalierly and The hard part is for many women in particular. They see that as a long-term commitment With each other Isn't it sad because we've become such a disposable society we become a group that just basically says I'm in it for just the fun Like this woman suggests In my opinion dating is For a purpose the purpose of dating is to vet the other person to determine if it's worth exploring a relationship with them And a relationship is a vetting process to decide if this is someone worth investing long term with one another because the long term Does require at some point to take care of one another if you're in it for the short run the fun We want you to think about that for those of us in midlife You know at some point we're going to age we're going to need help from the other person physically But Jonathan I don't want to be a nurse or a person That's part of the the bargain that you make with another person. Sure. You might want to have some longevity with a person before that happens, but saying Saying being in a fully committed relationship is saying I want to take care of you and the last And I think this is just as equally important as all the other is So I just want to repeat I'm here you matter We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you in other words You are the person I only want to make love to that. I want to be sexually intimate with you I'm not going to be fantasizing about other people. I'm not going to go off on watch porn to get my excitement you Are the excitement for me you bring me that level of excitement and Desire and pleasure As we age that doesn't happen as frequently as it when we're younger But ultimately they're not on the dating app swiping, you know for someone else I know people that will say I love you and they're on the dating app in the early stage of dating and they'll say they'll be swiping elsewhere genuine love Is that when you're really genuinely in love with someone and you say the words I love you I'm gonna repeat myself one more time. This is how it should feel. I'm here. You matter. We're important I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you Have you experienced this in your life? Are you experiencing it now? Have it seemed like some men say the words, but they don't have the actions behind it Ladies it's coming upon you because you're making these decisions for yourself And if you buy into the narrative that chemistry equals relationship success You might find yourself in a situation where you're attached to another person who isn't truly Desirous of long-term commitment who isn't really desirous or something deeper and let me just say this There are lots of men that are genuinely desirous of a significant relationship Now when I say the word lots It might be a small percent. I mean might be 20% of the population that's actively in the dating marketplace It's not it's not over 50% most 50 most 80% are operating the way this woman suggested Let's just have fun dating If dating is all about fun Then you could be setting yourself for only those short Fun is a short-term mating strategy being intentional Is a long-term mating strategy and that's what I teach when you work with me to help you Gain footing on who are the men who are genuinely interested from a long-term mating strategy versus the short-term mating strategy Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know if you find value in this Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new Check out the links below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Follow me on Instagram or even join my group called midlife love master. It's all listed below Now I saw the bird just fly by all right I think this is a great place to wrap up this video Please let me know if it resonated with you Please let me know if it had value for you and I'm going to wrap up my video as I always do first I'll give myself a big gigantic John the merit of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay, I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow You have entered them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye now