 Hey there foundation staff shirm here and welcome to the site 42 critique lab Now we're gonna change the format a little bit this time around channel business Hey, Steve jobs is in the stream today. Hey Glad to see you buddy Now Let's see standard channel business while we wait for the stream to file in Ellen's here. Hello Ellen Let's see standard channel business. So weird about ketchup. Hello ketchup We're about 2,500 subs as of today this morning. That's fantastic Remember if you want to do the site 42 critique lab yourself you can Throw your draft in the site 42 Discord server we have a critique lab channel specifically for dropping in your critique lab requests as Well, you can send an email of your draft to scp site 42 at gmail.com No hyphens. No weird stuff like that. Just scp site 42 at gmail.com Hello, Sam and ketchup. Welcome to the stream Beyond that the normal channel business is just the normal support the channel stuff If you do the like share and subscribe stuff, that's nice if you Remember to hit up the patreon or the merch store. We're getting all sorts of new merch I'm gonna start showing off some of the new t-shirts in later episodes because They're really cool, and I'm gonna buy them now for myself because I have a t-shirt store and I can get them. Oh and Now we're at the two-minute mark. So it's time to discuss and See jobs mentioned and how and yes, I am designing the and how shirt is gonna have a little dr. Spanko on it So it's and how with a little dr. Spanko corncrate sitting on top. I'm excited Maybe I'll give him like a stethoscope and like a little head dongle thingy Because he's dr. So that'll be funny But in the meantime if you'll go down to the description today's link of the day is brought to us by mr. Red And mr. Red's draft is called the temple of depression, or I'm sorry just temple of depression so Let me open my pad here and As always with the format we will start by reading the entire thing Following that we'll start to talk about story structure and more Fluid idea writing stuff and after we're done with the story in general We'll go through with a spelling grammar and format check so scp 3929 temple of depression Two things I'm gonna say out the gate because I see this is gonna be a thing a whole lot So make sure there's hyphens between scp and the number every time and Normally when you're writing an scp draft You want to make sure that you don't give it a number immediately? Just so you don't Accidentally give it a number that's taken by the time you're done writing. So most drafts are scp xxx but That's not a huge deal That's just formatting for drafts to make your life easier so that you remember to go in and change all of them at the end So let's begin the read-through Item number scp 3929 object class Euclid special containment procedures scp 3929 is to be monitored at all times and patrolled regularly by security staff on site Camera feeds from around the fence surrounding scp 3929 are viewed from a remote outpost disguised as a farm Located four kilometers from scp 3929's containment site scp 3929-1 is self-contained by scp 3929 But due to it the potential danger scp 3929 poses to the public it is fenced with a fortified wall of a five kilometer radius Around scp 3929 and considered the foundation's private property unauthorized personnel and trespassers into the property must be detained debriefed and either terminated or amnesticized Due to the fire risk posed by transitional event 3929 towards natural wildlife Containment and secrecy efforts either due to controlled experimentation or the unexpected introduction of scp 3929-2 Trees and plant life of a progressively growing or wooden nature is not to be permitted within a one kilometer radius of scp 3929 Personal researching the effects of transitional event 3929 must be equipped with fire retardant equipment And it means of extinguishing astray flames that may occur as a result of transitional event 3929 Invitation into the home of scp 3929-1 is to be declined in any case that it occurs outside of testing and experiments In which D-class personnel must be used exclusively research into the anomalous properties of scp 3929 3929-1 and 3929-3 The contents of scp 3929's attic and whereabouts information on soul print books is pending approval correction underway description scp 3929 oh I apologize. I have a little bit of background music going if that's ever too loud, and you can't hear me. Let me know I'm trying to liven up the show a little bit Description scp 3929 is currently a two-story house similar in construct to a home within urban sectors of data expunged Data expunged england. It is located in irishire scotland northwest of beep redacted in a remote forest Despite its changing appearance with each iteration of scp 3929-1 scp 3929 will always have the essential needs of a human Along with any other needs an individual requires It's theorized that scp 3929 is sentient in the respect that it caters to the wants and needs of the current iteration of scp 3929 The reason for this is unknown scp 3929 is currently d1688 previously known as j redacted m redacted A Caucasian male of ostensibly 27 years of age Previously a self-published writer from data expunged england and was convicted of multiple accounts of manslaughter Despite having been trapped within scp 3929 for three years scp 3929-1 does not appear to physically age making scp 3929-1 biologically immortal Descriptions and pictures received from the current iteration of scp 3929-1 depict scp 3929's current manifestation as a pleasant clean home Almost completely free from clutter scp 3929-1 reports that this is a feature of scp 3929 and that he is not aware of how it works Of how it occurs. Thank you Questionings conducted indicate that scp 3929-1 will answer most questions sans questions pertaining to the attic The current iteration of scp 3929-1 d1688 will appear to disregard any mention of an attic altogether The only information any instance of scp 3929-1 has given about scp 3929's attic Is the seemingly paranoid belief of a non-descript entity Believed to be a manifestation of scp 3929-3 due to it the radiologs disclosed within addendum 1 In the attic of scp 3929 It is believed that while scp 3929-1 is unable to enter or fully acknowledge scp 3929's attic Instances of scp 3929-2 are able to locate and communicate information about the attic scp 3929-1 appears to express a distinctive aversion to leaving 2.5 kilometers from scp 3929 Is unable to express why current hypothesis's Hypotheses Hypotheses suggests that although scp 3929-1 wishes to leave scp 3929 They're subject to a cognitive hazard brought on by scp 3929 that triggers a fight or flight instinct when faced with the choice subject Uh, the subject expressing a seemingly genuine fear However in 25 of instances in which it is suggested for scp 3929-1 to leave scp 3929 The former displays a largely obsessive reaction regarding scp 3929 Comparable to a parent who has been separated forcefully from their child Exploration of scp 3929-1 appears to result in the reappearance of scp 3929-1 24 hours later with scp 3929-1 Describing this experience as a strange LinkedIn bout of uneasy dreamless sleep Despite showing enjoyment of scp 3929's recreational facilities and its seemingly endless food supply The current iteration of scp 3929-1 has attempted suicide at least Two digits redacted times due to reported feelings of isolation and helplessness scp 3929-1 is known to have access to the internet But shows an inability to use this to contact the outside world Any attempt made by scp 3929 to contact the outside world through social media forums and telephones has resulted in failure Due to this scp 3929-1 is able to keep up with current events and express opinions and views But appears in reports being unable to cope with its lack of connection to the outside world For scp 3929-1's mental well-being it has been assigned to psychiatrists and is allowed to converse with foundation personnel Due to lack of sufficient threat malicious intent or threat of containment breach Despite scp 3929's ability and ability to leave scp 3929 The current iteration of scp 3929 appears to contain an anomalously large and potentially self-replenishing quality of food which has kept scp 3929-1 alive for the last three years With previous iterations of scp 3929-1 supposedly having survived up to 100 years Foundation analysis of scp 3929-1's food deducts at despite tasting exactly the way it should in each instance The food is composed entirely of data expunged As a result of this scp 3929-1's lack of connection to the outside world That's a weird thing to expunge I think scp 3929-1 will often attempt to engage in conversation with potential peers using any opportunity of self-expression Once an individual has stepped into scp 3929 they become an instance of scp 3929-2 Instances of scp 3929-2 show a similar inability to leave scp 3929-2 scp 3929-1 scp 3929-2 like scp 3929-1 is able to contact the outside world but unlike scp 3929-1 scp 3929-2 is able to communicate important information non-superficial about the anomalous qualities of scp 3929 The last recorded instance of scp 3929-2 d1688 was able to reach and speak about the attic of scp 3929 Detailing what we saw before the current instance of scp 3929-1 became aware of d1688's intrusion See the end of 3929-1 for details If an instance of scp 3929-1 and scp 3929-2 are together in scp 3929 at 1 o'clock general mountain time oh 100 hours o'clock general mountain time Transitional event 3929 is executed scp 3929 appears to catch fire internally with no method for Either scp 3929-1 or scp 3929-2 to exit safely During every instance of a transitional event at 3929 occurring scp 3929-1 expresses Thankfulness to scp 3929-2 for what it perceives as being set free It has been noted that an hour prior to the majority of that transitional event 3929 occurrences scp 3929-3 instances have been seen to roam scp 3929 scp 3929-3 entities consisting of smoke that appear to resemble homo sapiens or sorry scp 3929-3 are dash 3 are entities consisting of smoke that appear to resemble homo sapiens often of average stature and generally of indeterminate age of note figures resembling prepubescent children pubescent teenagers and elderly people have been recorded amongst small gatherings of scp 3929-3 the reason for this and the purpose and nature of scp 3929-3's nature is unknown but it is hypothesized that scp 3929-3 instances are either the cause of transitional event 3929 a byproduct of transitional event 3929 or representations of previous instances of scp 3929-1 attempts to wake up scp 3929-1 and scp 3929-2 during this phase of the transitional event have shown to be fruitless with scp 3929-1 showing a similar aversion to viewing scp 3929-3 as it does to speaking about the attic of scp 3929 while scp 3929-2 is unable to perceive scp 3929 or sorry is unable to perceive 3929-3 instances during this phase all together at 0300 hours o'clock local time the transitional event 3929 ceases without a trace of scp 3929 and at approximately 0600 o'clock local time a new instance of scp 3929 will appear scp 3929 will generally be tailored to a form which is viewed as suitable ideal or pleasurable living by scp 3929-2 in either interior or exterior design with any recreational means provided at 0800 scp 3929-2 appears within the house having become an instance of scp 3929-1 addendum 3929-1 or sorry addendum 3929.1 experiment 76 log during the last experiment during the last experiment with scp 3929 d1688 went into scp 3929 and became an instance of scp 3929-2 the current instance of scp 3929-1 at the time a former d-class referred to as b redacted was informed that an experiment was taking place d1688 was carrying a radio with which he reported all findings as he perceived them a transcript has been provided below time 1600 hours general mountain time i think it's general mountain time it's something like that d1688 has been invited into scp 3929 by scp 3929-1 d1688 after his transition into an instance of scp 3929-1 describe b redacted's house as smelling of incense looking colorful and pleasant bearing a looking colorful and pleasant bearing a pleasant atmosphere d1688 entered the house at 1600 local time so wait so just something i don't want to forget along the rhyme it's not general mountain time Greenwich meantime that's right we're in England my mistake everything's american for me what Greenwich mean time which is i say it american like i'm the standard but isn't like Greenwich mean time like the center i don't know maybe those those damn americans i forget what our mountain time is uh we have pacific time we have central time we have eastern time i forget what mountain time is huh okay but continuing on someone the discord just messaged me hey are we live streaming soon and i'm like dude i'm live streaming now um western i'm streaming now lol that's right i say lol out loud what you're gonna do you're gonna fight me okay but the reason i actually stop this discussion at this point is just to notice that i can't tell if in the series of events it's not very clear whether d like if this interview takes place before d while d class d1688 is a dash two or a dash one it seems to be both because he's describing the d ones house or the the dash ones the previous dash one's house but it also says after his transition into a dash one so that wouldn't be the case because he would have so blah oh i get it because he can't no wait because a dash one can't communicate with the outside world meaningfully which is why you need a dash two so if he's a dash one he can't talk to the outside but so yeah that there's something there that needs to be cleaned up a little bit for maybe maybe i'm just getting it wrong but i think i'll look at that again once we're done with the interview let's get to the interview this is d1688 talking to the previous dash one wow this place is really nice and cozy uh-huh i got something cooking go familiarize yourself with the couch or something scb 3 929 dash one leaves to prepare the mentioned food while d1688 fishes his radio out of his pocket and speaks into it you guys have some weird ways of thanking me for my hard work this place is kind of nice but anyway i'm in position or whatever researcher good just a moment could you try opening the front door d1688 appears to open the front door appears do we have a video feed uh sorry but okay d1688 appears to open the door all right take the bag we provided and put it on the door step we'll be retrieving it after you've done what's needed of you d1688 as requested does as requested then shuts the door d1688 what now socialized with mr boop until further notice okay around 1752 local time researcher boop made contact to d1688 through his radio again d1688 had been partying with scb 399-1 come on d1688 yeah mate what's up we're gonna need you to slip away from whatever you're doing with mr boop right now we need you to find the attic don't let him know you're going up there and don't ask him where it is oh yeah sneak like mate what's the bathroom again uh d1688 seems to find his way rather definitely the attic of scb 399 in contact researcher boop you there yeah have you found the attic by any chance yeah i'm there right now it's dark and there's door huh want me to say it louder so my friend downstairs can hear us wait how i thought listen if you don't think i can get into a fucking attic on my own then you're just anomalously stupid mate never mind right you say you can see a door inside can you try and open it d1688 carefully opens the door a soft creep being heard over the radio crackle what do you see i can't see too clearly but it looks like a study of some kind is there anyone inside anything unnatural or surreal there's a brief pause as d1688 keeps looking in the room two things okay one there's a bunch of smoke things wandering around they don't seem to notice me or if they do then they're not trying to kill me unlike you people and what do you mean you people lull and second of all this place is less of a study and more of a library a library but you said and it is huge you look at one of the shelves and just keeps going up and up and up it's really dark up there but i don't think there's a top and they're chock full of books and there's ladders that just seem to keep going and going is this even physically possible brief pause in the background researcher blank can be heard conversing with a colleague in this situation all right uh one of the books try and read one d1688 grabs one of the books and can be heard flicking through the book before taking a more deliberate read of the book it's a biography of someone from the victorian era leather bound and expensive looking it sounds like the guy had a pretty tough life he wanted to escape and he found this house but he felt trapped here and he stopped aging this is just flicking through it try another okay this one looks way shittier the cover is just the chick's face photo chopped onto a supermodel it's similar in its reach to the leather bound ones same chapter list too and the same ending all right try something from a different side of the room all right again this is a biography of someone's life this time a d-class what the hell is going on here something i'm noticing is the trend here is that they're all published by the same book company but i've never heard of it heard about it in my life soul print books soul print does that imply that that must mean that the people that end up in this place have their lives printed into a book and stored here there's absolutely tons of them absolute tons is that with these dark figures that are they keep wandering around this room and imprinted people's souls another pause occurs right you've done some amazing work d1688 could you take a selection of books to the bag you've left outside for retrieval yeah all right and the log d1688 placed the selection of books within a bag on the doorstep of scp-3-9-2-9 which was collected promptly details on the context of the recovered books is provided from within the attic of scp-3-9-2-9 and is provided with addendum 2 addendum 2 analysis of books recovered from recovered during experiment 76 provided below is the table containing the titles of the books d1688 provided after experiment 76 concluded by the way i'm almost done but while i'm still going i would like to see if the author will grace us with a summary a high concept of everything that's happening so we can compare what the author thinks the story is to what we think the story is after reading it so if the author is available mr. red please spin us like a paragraph summary of what's going on in your mind in this story so we can compare it with our ideas provided below is the table containing the titles of the books d1688 provided after experiment 76 concluded after resulting transition event 3939 mistype d1688 refused to speak to foundation personnel for more than a month and expressed anger at what had occurred whenever he did have to communicate the following table is book title author subject plot summary date subject exploration date Bartholomew the broken by Bartholomew Terrand a young Victorian man whose son ran away from home and died in the snow in greek Bartholomew left for the forest of scotland only to find scp 3929 the hospitality of scp 399-1 led him into scp 3999 expiration date 9th of june 1877 denise the droll name denise freilia denise an egotistical woman with a penchant for self-aggrandizement eventually finds herself isolated and alone one of the forces at night she happened on scp 3929 just an hour prior to the potential activation moment for transitional event 3929 and petitioned scp 3929 to and to let her stay expiration date 13th of november 2005 mark the morose mark nulhan d7236 documents every moment of d7236 his life including his crimes and moments white from memory through amnestics and including his assignment to scp 3929 expiration date 29th of august data expunged blank the pioneer agent blank a word-for-word copy of the discovery document of scp 3999 data expunged okay so there's something cool in here right like i'm not sure i understand the implications for that ending yet but i feel like there's something really cool in there all right so 23 minutes to read the whole thing that's not too bad it's not too long i like that uh so while we're still waiting on the author i'm gonna check the discord see if that paragraph might be in the discord not at current so right now the temple of depression so i think depression is a theme guys so let's take a look at how this tackles depression and how it how it tackles depression and how it fits into the story so in the containment procedures everything is just very basic containment don't let people in unless it's a test don't let anything else catch on fire and that's about it we don't need to protect the person inside because they're well protected so here's where we get into the feelings of depression it's our idea here that everything we've got the person inside has everything they could want accept the ability to contact the outside world and then so looking down at the logs of books in grief bartholomew left the forest and or went into the forest of scotland because he was depressed uh denise an egotistical woman with a penchant for self aggrandizement ah here's mr red summary so i'll go with that first there's a house where this person stays cannot die and can only get released if someone else comes in and replaces them and they essentially have a copy of a book and they become a copy of the book or print a copy of this book on their leaving in the library and what's the first movie for and so their soul or some piece of them is trapped there both in the book and in the shadow creature so uh that's our author mr red with the high concept for the anomaly now i mr red if you can continue on i'm going to keep trying to dissect it with depression myself but i don't have a lot of experience in the realm of mental illness and depression so i don't have a lot of experience with this if you care to share your inspirations not like your inspiration like a story about your depression or anything that's all i'm asking if you have depression i don't know but like the themes of depression in this story how does it feel uh how does it fit in the story what what story are you trying to tell about depression in this case so in the meantime i'll continue on with my analysis so we have this egotistical woman so that shows us that this like outgoing outwardly facing let me take a selfie kind of girl is depressed on the inside and finds this house and that could be that anyway so so eventually finds herself isolated and alone wandering the forest at night so yeah she's egotistical she's a let me take a selfie type at least that's what i got from her face being super imposed on a supermodel and like that being a picture of her face that's what i got from that kind of but then she's wandering the forest at night after she finds herself isolated and alone and gets caught in the house and lives a long trapped life isolated and alone living forever until the next person comes in and this is just a selection of books so we don't know how long it was until the next person came in this is just random books pulled from the library so mark the morose is a d-class and it documents every moment of his life so this first of all this specifically in the books is saying that the first two summaries do not mention that it documents every piece of their life so is that a thing every book does or just some of the books because like book a and book b don't say that explicitly but book c does so that tells me that books a and b do not so if they do it might be better to put the fact that the books explicitly state every detail of a person's life up in the description rather than then in the specific book and then mention in book three summary that it's very interesting that it also includes amnestics so it's not reading their brain it's reading their souls and souls never forget and then redacted the pioneer agent redacted a word-for-word copy of the discovery document of scp 3 929 yes so it should it does that for every book and i should have noted that was was in a hurry to get this thing ready that's that's cool well uh you can fix that in post but now at least you know that that's a thing that i thought so uh cjobs mentions that if this thing removes amnestics then should it be keter so these books of the souls only appear after a person dies so on one hand the person who forgot it will not get the information but on the other hand if someone is forced to forget something the foundation could use this by putting the person in there and then using a second person to get their book and find out anything they've been forced to forget so while it doesn't bring a person's memory back it could be used to get information that's a little bit of a um interesting for the foundation it might not make the anomaly keter but it might be an attended use it might be a use and end of uh request to use this to find information amnesticized from persons of interest pending ethics committee review because the ethics committee would be you want to send this person in there but at the same time we want that information so maybe that's pending ethics committee review because you could get all that information but you'd have to send somebody into a you'd have to purposefully send somebody into depression and death to get it scary man scary continuing on so i'm a little confused about something so this thing basically haunts people who are depressed and then it makes them depressed forever that's really sad and i don't like it as a story concept like because what you're doing is you're taking somebody who's already depressed and then forcing them to live through it for longer until you trap their souls eternally okay now ellen makes an interesting point maybe it wants to make them happy but it does it really badly that's interesting could the anomaly be trying to improve their lives but it's a flaw somehow now right now i don't believe this is the story that skip is telling because there's no mention of the anomaly i mean the anomaly has it uh what's the phrase i'm looking for it does say that the anomaly is giving them all the amenities they could want but it is trapping them from the outside world which is causing them more depression so i want the house itself the anomalous house the anomaly to have a little more agency if it is trying to do that i don't think the anomaly has enough agency at current to be a story about an anomaly trying to help a depressed person badly and to give it that kind of tragedy that could have a really interesting tragic backstory uh it still has that kind of kick the dog feeling of here's a depressed person and now let's make them more depressed now on the other hand if you made a if you made the okay we have something two things from the chat number one hello from italy hello nick from italy and as mr red as for depression i've often felt that feeling depression is a mixture of being unable to get out and unable to give up running deeper into a hole you can't get out of and so i get what you're saying i understand definitely as for depression i've often felt that feeling depression is a mixture being unable to get out and unable to give up running deeper into a hole you can't get out of and that this skip sort of digs into that idea so uh courts sorry real quick for the format of the sero yes there is background music if it's too loud let me know but i just wanted there to be music so it's not just me yapping it makes this just like my readings music makes the dead space a little more interesting so for the author's view on depression cool it's a good thing i like that for the depression view when you talk about unable to run but on or unable to get out but unable to give up so you're trapped in a limbo that makes sense i almost am afraid that the that that almost makes it sound like the person who is depressed is at fault do you know what i mean like i want to avoid that feeling like because depression is like chemical imbalances and stuff like that it's disease and stuff like that so you want it to be that the person feels that but so that like making it an external thing because what you've done is you've externalized how they feel and because you're making something external cause them what they're inside i almost feel like that's a punishment for being depressed see jobs depression is all my fault that makes it feel worse uh that's not that's not what i'm saying that's not what i'm saying what i'm saying is that like it's a it's not your fault that there's a chemical imbalance it's a health thing and that's why medicines should not be demonized you shouldn't be made to feel bad because you have to take depression medicine because hormonal imbalances and chemical imbalance in the brain can be fixed by that and that's fine right i don't know again i'm not a mental health person so i'm grasping at straws i don't know a lot about depression morgan chimes in hello morgan glad you could join us also lots of rage because you're scared depression is a horrible thing i suffer from it and when you suffer from it you do feel it's your fault it doesn't mr red it doesn't target depressed people exclusively but it is able to give people depression okay so okay because going back to the book summary because that's where i have four people here book a and b are definitely people book a is definitely a depressed person depressed by death of a son it's grief so maybe they're not depressed maybe it's just grief uh denise the egotistical woman find herself alone probably because she alienated people by being self aggrandizing and in that case she so she found grief a fray studios hey a fray studios is here scp game devs in the house grief is a part of depression the five stages well well the five stages is the five stages of grief and that's for like dealing with a traumatic event whereas depression as we're talking about it is like a mental state because you can be in depression but like depression is like a mental health condition as well like people use depression is oh i'm so depressed today but there's also depression where it's like a clinical depression and so what we're talking about right now is specifically clinical depression so like a dead son grief grief is one thing and clinical depression is another and i think this skip is trying to focus on clinical depression so we're not we're not targeting depressed people we are taking people and forcing them into a situation that causes them 100 of the time to be clinically depressed and it traps their soul there so i'm grasping it why that's what i'm grasping at i'm grasping at the why of the story that's what's missing to me so there's a house that makes you depressed and also it traps your soul so if you're trapped in depression then you're trapped for all eternity man that sucks a lot that's a real bummer but i guess i say again a thing that does a thing isn't necessarily bad not every story has a i got griefed in minecraft for years it made me depressed god dush darn it curse you lol okay at least the house sounds comfy cozy so yes that's why i'm grasping it i'm grasping it why in my brain my brain wants a why and that's part of the depression right that's the moral of the story gosh darn it okay morrigan and again when you're depressed you do feel as though your soul's been ripped out elin to be honest i would like the idea that the house wants to make you happy by giving you a safe space sadly i don't think that's what's actually happening the author mr red lol so grasping it straws so yes to be all right so let's back up but let's remember that every draft up to this point that we've done in site 42 critique lab has been a mostly finished draft but this one is more of a halfway done draft most of the formatting is done and the uh but the story is still in the work so we're not done yet so we're not like mostly done looking for a final say we're in the midst we're growing the story so let's remember that so right now we've got a story about if you're wandering through the woods whether you are depressed or not this house will take you in try and be the best thing in the world but leave you isolated and cut off from the world and yet i found it oh my god i found it are you ready so the title is temple of depression and what that does is that sets me up for this to be a diatribe on depression of some sort and so i wanted to say something about depression and the author is aiming for this house is trying to be a metaphor of depression it's trying to be a metaphor on depression where you can have everything you want and you can have everything you but it leaves you isolated and therefore you are living depression until you are finally freed and you're so excited to be freed but then in a kick the dog moment you are not freed so uh morgan asked so does the house think it's doing good by secluding you and cutting you off like being wrapped in cotton wool maybe that's that could be a thing i don't think it is right now i don't think the house is sentiently trying but maybe it is maybe i'm not interpreting that properly right now i don't think the book story is doing enough to say that but but here's okay so let me finish my thought was what we need to sell this moral of the house as a diatribe of depression is i need an interview with an occupant because right now they're so isolated that they can't interview the outside now because of that we can't get a good interview with them but by sending in a dash two by sending in someone and creating a dash two you can get an interview with a dash one over a radio except they can't be heard by the radio so you need to basically okay so if you read scp 3930 uh this is dj cactus is the pattern screamer pattern screamers pattern screamers it's screamer or screamer but it's the pattern screamers 3930 they had an interesting thing in the interview portion in the exploration log where they do an interview with someone who doesn't exist so because that interview was with a person who didn't exist you can't interview a person who doesn't exist and so to interview that person they had the researcher recount the recording out loud of their interview or no they had the interview yes they had the interviewer recounting out loud and then they had a second party dictate it that way the foundation would have the notes so if dash two goes in not with a radio and then basically they don't like repeat every word that dash one says but they give us the cliff note so the interview goes like dash one I have everything I ever want in here it's a great place oh that's great you have all the food you want that's everything you could ever have yeah but I mean I'm just so alone so you're feeling really alone and all we're getting is what the dash two is saying over the radio so between every dash two line that tells you what the dash one said you'd have a line that says scp 3929 dash one is presumably speaking and that way we can have an interview with that because what I need is the point of view of the person inside saying I have everything I could ever want but I don't feel fulfilled and then the dash two can ask if they want to leave and then they say no I don't want to or I can't I can't I don't want to I can't I don't want to and that's the first thing you do is the interview log and then our intrepid dash two has a great time with the dash one does the partying thing and then goes upstairs to find the attic like he's supposed to uh real quick see jobs could the radio pick up dash one's voice no it's uh it's very specific in the dialogue that the dash one cannot communicate with the outside world no matter what so they can perceive the outside world they can check the internet they can listen to the radio they can watch tv but they can't give information out which is why the dash two could do it for them and as such when they go upstairs to the attic and they see that the person is trapped or they see what happens to the people they can also go oh crap you bastards much like d1688 does and then it's also oh the foundation has doomed this person to being inside and then the grand finale is that the ethics committee is pending investigation of whether or not we put people who've been anesthetized in here since it's been shown that this can read what's in their souls even if they've been amnesticized so story structure for my perfect version of this script skip this is what the skip is to me of course you do the item number object class description describe the house as being everything you could want but you never want to leave then you have an interview with the dash two in the dash one where the dash two gives us all the intel then you have an exploration log continued where the dash two finds the attic and tells us what's up then the dash two discovers oh my god is this what i'm in for i can't leave either and then it cuts off and the ethics committee wait okay because we need to get the books to the foundation so maybe the smoke creatures are not in the attic at the time oh this is good okay so time out this is my general disclaimer remember i've written one scp just one uh and i've written some theater scripts in the past so i'm not i'm not the best influence in the world i'm just spitballing ideas here but keep going with it uh quick thing before i go on jupiter's godzilla asks why doesn't the foundation euthanize those scp's that want to die because we are studying them we don't destroy because we want research so they can't die because we can't research them so a c jobs acts this is in line with what i'm asking could the dash two throw the books out the window that's one way to do it but i don't actually want the dash two to examine the smoke creatures yet so let's go back it interviews we know there are smoke creatures or we know there's something in the attic we have the dash two interview the dash one get the whole scoop the dash two notices the smoke creatures leaving the attic just sees them walk out the door doesn't really pay attention just says hey they're leaving and takes the opportunity to go into the attic when it's abandoned then from that point you have them go up investigate the attic find the books start to realize what's going on but the d doesn't really get it they're a d-class they're not i mean unless they're a genius d-class most of the time the d-classes aren't that intelligent so the d-class doesn't fully click on what's happened yet they find the books with the people inside they're confused they pull a couple books they go downstairs to leave them on the stoop then when they get to the stoop and they leave them outside they see the dash threes milling around and they're like what are the dash threes doing and they notice whatever they're doing whatever those dash threes are doing out there they are and he examines them and that's when he examines the dash threes and that's when he puts two and two together he looks at the books he looks at the dash threes and goes oh my god you bastards what have you done to me pending ethics committee review smash cut and then maybe you do or no you do the books first because we need to know that it takes all the amnestics from their souls and then you do the ethics committee review so story structure description with the nice book does a good job or house does nice things but it's really depressing as hell but we don't know that yet then the interview guy this this guy has everything he could want but he seems really depressed i don't understand if he doesn't like it why doesn't he just leave i don't the d-class doesn't get it then he goes upstairs after the smoke creatures leave finds the books oh my god what are these books i don't get it yet takes the books down scares outside notices the smoke creatures puts two and two together oh my god you bastards and then the book descriptions and then the ethics committee so that is how i would structure this for this place to be a metaphor of this is what depression is like and you're trapped and you're trapped and you're trapped and it's awful if that's what we're going for i mean honestly i would on one hand i uh i am a happy endings kind of guy so i want there to be a why and i want there to be a happy ending but i understand that in a tragic ending you getting in here you having everything you want you wanting to leave but can't and then being trapped there for eternity after the fact is really fucking depressing and on top of it being depressing the foundation might be a terrible thing might be doing terrible things with it because they can and on top of that it's depression on your depression because that's what depression is so end of the day i think if i were writing this story that is the story structure i would use so i've given that is what i would do with it if i were writing this and the author says holy shit sherman that's an amazing story hook i've gotta go guys all right thank you very much for joining the chat keep asking questions in the discord i'll minimize my chat so i can go to the discord a little bit as well uh i'll be in discord chat general if you're hanging out or sorry critique lab if you're gonna be in the chat in the general so let me move that over so i can see both and as a final run through for our usual goodness let's go through for everybody and do the standard spelling and grammar and courts ask we need a voice chat if you're in the site 42 discord server check that out below at the link there's voice chat option so you can go to a voice uh read and uh from there let's go through a quick run through of the spelling and grammar are you ready uh item number scp 3929 uh every scp number needs hyphens because you did that consistently i think that's just a formatting thing you did along the way uh so please fix that continuing on uh overarching note for your uh all right uh dillagaff points out a good one i was going to say something similar on the time drop the o clock off of it it should be o 300 gmt you don't put a clock when you do the whole military time time zone thing you don't put a clock uh that'll come up later but that's what you need formatting wise there's a lot of dash one there's a lot of repeating the numbers to a tedious amount and it makes it a lot to chew on when you say dash one dash two instead of like saying the whole scp 3929 dash one scp 3929 dash two you say those a lot and those can be cut down on by using things like entity subjects house describers that allow us to drop the numbers once in a while so don't let it break your tone but do what you can to kind of ease up on those because there's a lot of them where they're like stuck together and it's really hard to chew on uh okay monitored all times to patrol regularly by security side on site cameras feet from around the fence running as we then view from about up as a farm located four kilometers okay if you have a number that's less than 10 or i'm sorry 10 or less basically if the number can be said as one word then you should have it spelled out so one through 10 is spelled out 40 is spelled out 41 you write the digits that's a rule for writing it's kind of a nebulous rule but most of the time if you can say it as one word you should spell it uh so four kilometers f o you are uh dash one is self-contained by scp 3929 comma but due to the pretend due to there's an extra it there take that out but due to the potential danger scp 3929 poses the public it is fenced with a fortified wall of a five kilometer radius around scp 3929 and considered to be the foundation's private property capitalized foundation unauthorized personnel trespassers into the property must be obtained and briefed and either terminated or i'm neccessized due to the risk posed by transits up to three times nine towards natural natural life containment and secrecy efforts either due to okay so this is a weird sentence due to the fire risk posed by transitional event 3929 towards natural wildlife containment and secrecy efforts either due to controlled experimentation or the unexpected introduction to trees and plant life and progressively growing or wood nature is not to be permitted all right so those are such long things in between the commas that it gets really confusing so we got to change that somehow uh how would i do that due to the fire risk posed by transitional event 3929 towards natural wildlife containment and secrecy efforts either due to controlled experimentation or the unexpected introduction of scp 3929 just two plants trees and plant lights up but progressively growing or wood nature is not to be permitted within a one kilometer radius of 3929 okay that's why because containment and secrecy efforts don't have to do with the fire hazard uh containment and secrecy efforts are like patrolling the area and making sure people don't come in so also delegat points had a great point you could bullet point those things as well uh moving on just so yeah fix that sentence somehow uh going down oh no come back i accidentally notification myself what's going on stop stop why go back to the sandbox stop at technology don't be my enemy no okay here we go personal researching the effects of transitional event 3929 must be equipped with fire retardant equipment and a means of extinguishing story frames that may result as a transitional event 399 uh you do not need a comma if you have an and so must be equipped with fire retardant equipment and a means of extinguishing stray flames no comma there invitation to the home of scp 3929 dash one is to be declined in any case that it occurs outside of a testing and experiments uh no comma there in any case that it occurs outside of testing and experiments in which d-class personnel may be used exclusively if you take out the comma after occurs i don't actually know if you need a comma after experiments in which d-class i think you do so i think it's no comma after occurs yes comma after experiments so okay moving on research into the anomalous properties of scp 3929 so when you put an scp 3929 i don't know if you should have the scp before those are not huh no i don't think you need them the contents of scp 3929 attic and whereabouts of information on soul print books is pending approval underway um i don't think you need the pending approval there maybe i'm not sure like it's struck through and you change it to underway i guess because the books are in an addendum okay that makes sense oh but because it's underway say see addendum whichever addendum it is that way we know that it's underway because of an addendum got it good description scp 3929 is currently a two-story house similar in construct to a home within urban sectors of that expunging that it is located in ishire scotland north wet okay so why is the place where it is located unexpunged but the houses similar to it are not the houses of similar structure are expunged its location northwest of blank is expunged but you're still willing to say it's in this area of scotland like i understand that that could be a big area but it seems a little weird to expunge two places more general like the first one houses similar to seems way more general then i don't know there's something weird about expunging general versus specific information there i'm not sure but you did say you were going to talk about the expungements so uh we can go on with that in a remote forest despite changing appearance with each iteration of scp 3929 just one scp 3929 will always have essential needs of a human along with any other needs and essential requires i don't think you need a comma after needs of a human because along with any is your transition it is theorized that scp 3929 is sentient in the respective decadence to the wants and needs of the current iteration of scp 3929 is one the reason for this is unknown good use of sentient versus sapien okay scp 399-1 is currently d1688 previously known as blank blank a Caucasian male of a sensibly 27 years of age previously a self-published writer from that expunged england and was convicted of multiple accounts of manslaughter despite having been trapped with an scp 399 for three years i think 399-1 does not appear to be physically age making scp 399-1 biologically immortal okay i was going to complain about his insensible age considering you know his manslaughter charge but then yeah he's been in there for three years although i would do a better part like say he is biologically 27 years of age but yeah instead of obsensibly say biologically because we do know he is 27 years of age but then you can mention that he has been immortal for three years that way due to the effect uh instead of saying despite having been trapped within scp 399-9 for three years say due to the effects of scp 399-9 uh scp 399-1 does not appear to has not physically age in the three years it has been trapped there i think that's a little bit of a better phrasing of the idea you're trying to give continuing on research into the anomalous properties of scp 399-1 399-9 399-1 399-9-3 and contents of scp 399-9 oh wait that's i've already read that sorry scanning down descriptions and pictures received in the current iteration of scp 399-1 depict scp 399's crime manifestation as a pleasant clean home almost completely free from clutter scp 399-1 reports that this is a feature of scp 399 that he is not aware of how it occurs questionings conducted indicate that scp 399-1 will answer most questions sans questions pertaining to the attic the current iteration of scp 399-1 d1688 will appear to disregard any mention of an attic altogether scp 399-1 appears to express a distinctive aversion okay so because it answers questions it the thing we did where we said it'll talk to a dash two but it will not talk to a but it can't talk to the outside world we really should mention somewhere earlier on that the standard procedure for interviewing dash one is to send in a person to either interview you interview them at their front stoop without going inside or to go inside and become a dash two we ought to mention that protocol in the containment procedures as a testing procedure continuing on the only information in the instance of scp 399-1 is given up given about scp 399 is that attic is the seemingly paranoid belief i mean non-descript enemy believed to be a manifestation of scp 399-3 due to the radiologs disclosed within an end of one uh most most things when we talk about the addendum we usually do like a semicolon and say see addendum one that's the standard format um due to the i don't you don't have to use standard format of course there is no canon but believe it be a manifestation of scp 399-3 due to the radiologs due to radiologs see addendum one uh due to the radiologs disclosed i mean that that works anyways in the attic but i don't know if you want to format it the way the site does more often you might want to change that that's up to you in the attic of scp 399 it is believed that while scp 399-1 is unable to enter or fully acknowledge scp 399's attic instances of scp 399-2 are able to locate and communicate information about the attic scp 399-1 appears to express the distinct conversion of the leaving 2.5 kilometers from scp 399-9 is unable to express why no comma there due and is unable to express why current hypotheses uh hypothesis is is at the end hypotheses when you have multiple hypotheses are uh have an es at the end hypotheses is the plural so suggests that hypotheses so is this suggests that although we should leave there subject to okay current hypothesis suggests so weird i've always heard current hypotheses suggests as the thing where you're talking about multiple hypotheses that you don't need a subject but saying current hypothesis suggests like that's just a weird phrase to me i don't know if that's a weird phrase to anyone else like our current hypothesis is sounds more correct but it also sounds more casual current hypotheses or sorry current hypothesis suggests that although okay yeah that's right it just sounded weird my brain for a moment who knew current hypothesis suggests that although scp 399-1 wishes to leave scp 399-9 they're subject to a cognitive cognitive hazard uh we usually know uh juquan points out that the current hypothesis suggests that would be a good way to do it i like that uh they are subject to a cognitive hazard if you'd like to you could use the made-up foundation word cognitive hazard and that would still work brought on by scp 399-9 that triggers a fight or flight instinct when faced with a choice and the subject is pressing a seemingly genuine fear however in 25 percent of instances in which it is suggested for scp 399-1 to leave scp 399-9 the former displays a largely obsessive reaction regarding scp 399 comparable to a parent who has been separated forcefully from their child sorry Joaquin what did i say sorry exploration of scp 399-1 appears to result in the reappearance of scp 399-1 24 hours later with scp 399-1 describing this experience as a strange lengthy bout of uneasy dream of sleep despite showing enjoyment of scp 399-9's recreational facilities and seemingly endless food supply the current iteration of scp 399-1 is a symptom of suicide at least blank times due to reported family's isolation and helplessness scp 399-1 is known to have access to the internet but chosen inability to use this contact the outside world any attempt made by scp 399-1 to contact the outside world through social media forums and telephone i say oxford comma after forums and telephone has resulted in failure due to this scp 399-1 is able to keep up with current events and express opinions and views but fears and reports being unable to cope with this lack of connection to the outside world recipe 399-1 being it has been assigned to psychiatrists who allowed to converse with foundation powers and now due to lack of sufficient threat militant intent or threat of containment breach continuing on the speed reading oh another oxford comma after malicious intent despite scp 399-1's inability to leave scp 399 the current iteration of scp 399 appears to contain an enormously large potential self-replenishing quantity of food which has kept scp 399-1 alive for the last three years with various iterations of scp 399 supposedly having survived up to 100 years do we know it's up to 100 years or is it something like what's the phrase i'm looking for what is the uh all right i've got two questions first of all um i don't know what hi mary mary is and copyright claims is this something to do with the music this is all kevin mcleod royalty-free music so that's uh it's all not going to get me sued but what was i going to say um oh yes when it comes to surviving 100 years are we sure it's only up to 100 years or could is it something where it's unknown if it's uh able to survive indefinitely instances may be able to survive indefinitely research is pending uh meanwhile oh uh now that you mentioned it i do remember what hi mary mary is because i looked it up on night mind i looked uh night mind did a video about him and night mind's the bomb okay continuing on and uh for wakene hey i'm glad you found the channel yesterday and welcome to the stream glad you could find the channel welcome to site 42 continuing on in the speed read with previous iterations of scp 399 to survive 100 years foundation announces the scp 399 to the ducks that despite tasting exactly the way it should be jinsons the food is composed entirely of data expunged oh my god what is the food made of what is the food made of do you know what it is or are you just being creepy i don't know is it made of wood because it's in the forest and everything's trees i know is it made of fire because the house sits on fire is it made of depressed souls is the food made of depression is it oh i'm so sad i don't know i don't know anyways i hope when mr red looks at this he goes guys it's just food shut up i hope he has a reason uh just because that'd be funny scp 399-1 will often attempt to engage in conversation with potential peers using any opportunity of self-expression once an individual is stepped into scp 399 they become an instance of scp 399-2 instances of scp 399-2 showing similar inability to leave scp 399-1 all right hold up a second hold up hold up hold up i got a plot hole plot whole time are you ready i just found this thanks this is what you get for speed reading through it a second time are you ready are you ready i don't get this um right now we know that scp 399-1 has access to the internet and tv and radio and entertainment but cannot speak to the outside world so it can't talk to the outside world but i don't know the limit of this can it not talk to anybody outside its house does someone have to become a dash two to be able to talk to it or can you sit on its porch and talk to it because it says it can have a foundation psychiatrist how does it talk to the psychiatrist does the psychiatrist sit on its stoop and talk to it out there so like it's because it can walk outside the house so can it talk to people on its lawn and that person can hear it can it not talk to people outside the boundaries of its like five kilometer area around the house and by the way isn't five kilometers like really big but anyways so it has its house in its yard so can it talk to people can it not talk to people outside its yard can it not talk to people outside its house can it not talk to people who are not entities because if it has a foundation psychiatrist the foundation psychiatrist has to be able to talk to it how does it do that um does it talk to because if they have to become a dash two just to talk to it i feel like that's a little extreme but maybe it can only communicate with people on its yard and going on the yard allows you to talk to it but if you go into the house you become it so people can go into the yard if they need to talk to it but sending someone into the house is how you become one and so sending someone to interview it you just send them on to the yard but if you're sending a d-class to get them to the attic that's why you're sending them in specifically into the house so and if you want that interview to be legible every interview has to be with a radio because once you leave the yard the communication no longer goes through so i hope mr. red comes back and reads all that because that's important uh to point out and figure out okay continuing on exploration of scb 39 that's depression containment breach going down going down okay self-expression once an individual step to sb 392 90 become an instance of sb 392 instances about oh oh wait scb 392 nine is to be monitored scb 392 nine is currently a two-story house so it's just the house and all the fire then like it burns a big fire because it's a forest fire it doesn't like burn a certain area so the yard isn't part of the anomaly the yard isn't part of the anomaly so then can it talk to people outside the house can it traverse the grounds i'm confused about that mr. red sort this out who they become an instance of sb 392 9-2 instances of sb 392 9-2 show similar inability to leave scb 392 9 to scb 392 9-1 scb 392 9-2 like scb 392 9-1 is able to contact the outside world but like a but unlike scb 392 9-1 scb 392 9-2 is able to get important information non superficial about oh okay what you need to do for this sentence is able to contact important comma non superficial information i think that's just out of order about the anomalous qualities of scb 392 9 the last court instance of instance of scb 392 9-2 d1688 was able to reach and speak about the attic of scb 392 9 detailing what he saw before the current instance of scb 392 9-1 became aware of d1688's intrusion see addendum 392 9-1 for details if an instance of scb 392 9-1 and scb 392 9-2 or together in scb 392 9-3 9-2 9 at 1 o'clock gmt traditional at oh at 0100 gmt traditional event 392 9 is executed scb 392 9 appears to catch fire internally with no method for either at the cb 392 9-1 or scb 392 9-2 to exit safely during every instance of traditional event 392 9 occurring scb 392 9-1 expresses thankfulness to scb 392 9-2 for what perceives as being set free if an instance of scb 392 9-1 we already said that darn uh foundation secrets could be very dangerous if they got out uh cjobs no information from the house uh from dash 1 can be beamed outside so it's not that it's giving out information it's that it can't give out information so although the information in the books is a foundation secret so maybe oh you're talking about hiring the chat when they said maybe the house speaks through text messages i see uh and the books yes the book could have foundation secrets uh maybe a pending change to keter depending maybe i don't know ghost we gotta go see what some of the other secret keeping scps are class wise to see if they penned it because like there's the future tellers and then there's ones that read minds so we'll we gotta see what those are and see if those are still euclid or not uh because this is contained by the foundation i don't know that they'd be worried about foundation secrets getting out as much there's no real way for it to get out uh continuing on it has been noted that an hour prior to the majority of transitional event 392 9 occur since scb 392 9-3 since i've been seen to roam scp 392 9 so they roam the house not the yard outside so on my assumption was that it they roamed the grounds and that's why i thought that the d class could see them outside and examine them there and it was super interesting to me so maybe you change that maybe you make 392 9 and a small radius of the grounds part of the anomaly and then if you're on the lawn you can't you can communicate with it and hang out and you can still leave but if you go into the house you're trapped maybe i don't know um scb 392 9-9 into these are consisting of smoke that appear to resemble homo sapiens often of average stature and generally of an indeterminate age of nope figures of only people as in children pure bison teenagers and elderly people have been recorded amongst small gatherings of scb 392 9-3 the reason for this and the purpose and nature of scb 392 9-3's nature is unknown but it's hypothesized that scb 392 9-3 instances are either the cause of transitional event 392 9 a byproduct transitional event 392 9 or representation of previous instances of scb 392 9-1 attempts to wake up scb 392 9-1 and scb 392 9-2 during this phase three instances of event have been have shown to be fruitless but scb 392 9-1 showing similar a similar version of viewing scb 392 9-3 as the speaking about the attic of scb 392 9 while scb 392 9-2 is unable to perceive scb 392 9-3 instances during this phase all together okay so i got that wrong again i got it wrong again because dash two can't see the dash threes and my story was really interesting based on that he could see the dash threes so either you forget what i said or you change the story to implement that the dash threes can be seen by the dash two because he's not part of the anomaly yet fully i like that idea anyways but again your story tell it your way at three o'clock gmt the transitional event yeah so don't say local time say gmt again because keep the format the same it's got to be consistent the transitional event 392 9 c says without a trace of scb 392 9 and that approximately six o'clock 0600 gmt i'm gonna say it that way but you know to fix it on any instance of scb 392 9-2 will appear scb 392 9 will generally be tailored to a form which is viewed as suitable ideal or pleasurable living by scb 392 9-2 now designated scb 392 9-1 in either interior or exterior design with any recreational means presented at 8am okay i see what you got okay that works at 0800 hours gmt scb 392 9-2 appears in the house having become an instance of scb 392 9-1 addendum 392 9.1 and experiment log 76 experiment 76 log yes okay during the last experiment with scb 392 9 d 1688 went into the scb 392 9 went into scb 392 9 became an instance of scb 392 9-2 the current instance of scb 392 9-1 at the time a former d-class referred to as blank was important that an experiment was taking place d 1688 was carrying a radio with which he reported all findings as he profited them a transcript has been provided below 1600 gmt d 1688 has been invited to scb 392 9 by scb 392 9-1 d 1688 after his transition since the scb 392 9-1 described blank's house as smelling of its incense looking colorful unless pleasant bearing on pleasant atmosphere why did he wait until after becoming a dash one to describe the previous dash one's house uh he could describe the person's house while he's in there because he's a dash two he can communicate outside i don't see why he waited to describe it until later d 1688 entered the house at 1600 local time wow this place is nice and cozy uh-huh hey okay so i find this dialogue i'm not going to mess with the dialogue because there's colloquialisms and casual and tone and most of this was pretty good all i want to say is that there's a point where this d-class feels a little bit like he's been at this for too long like you have some weird ways of thanking me oh there's a misspelling of the word weird weird has an e before the i uh weird ways of thanking me for my hard work so he was told this was a reward because he's been doing this for a while okay so dillagaff points out and ellen pointed out that it's very british this case is kind of nice but anyways i'm in position or whatever good just a moment try to open the door so good we have the tone with the britishness correct i guess uh i i honestly can't tell myself i don't know why it's british versus not i'm not sure what the phrasing difference is all right take the bag we provide and put it on the doorstep we'll be reviewing it after you've done what's needed of you so yes once you fiddle with the dialogue here you're gonna mess with this and talk about the uh exploration and maybe the dash threes if you use that idea uh story structure from earlier you saw that getting down to the bulk of it oh yeah i've got to go over it anyways for the learning experience so let's knock it out wow this place is nice and cozy uh huh hey i've got something cooking go familiar yourself familiarize yourself with the couch or something uh dash one we used to prepare for the mentioned food while these 1688 fishes his radio out his podium speaks into it if you guys have some weird ways of thanking me for my hard work this place kind of nice but anyways i'm in position or whatever good just a moment try it because you're right open the front door appears to open the front door all right take it back we provide and put on the doorstep we'll be retrieving it after you've done what's needed for you does request to chest the door well now social of mr. b until further notice okay i don't have something to do local time researcher blank made contact d 1688 through his radio again d 1688 had been partying with sdb 3929 dash one come on come on d 1688 yeah mate what's up we're gonna just slip away from whatever you're doing with mr blank right now we need you find the attic don't want to know you're going up there and don't ask me where it is oh yeah sneak like mate where's the bathroom again uh d1688 seems to find his way rather definitely the attic of sdb 3929 in contact researcher blank you there yeah have you found the attic by any chance yeah right right now it's dark in this door huh want me to say louder so my friend downstairs can hear us wait how i thought okay why wait how i thought i don't get why does he find it weird that he found the attic that he was just told to go find listen if you don't think that i can get into a fucking attic on my own then you're just anomalously stupid mate anomalously stupid is a weird thing to say to me maybe that's not a weird insult for you guys like even when you're like it sounds like that's like when he said this is a reward for my hard work i was happy with it this sounds like he's way too deep in the foundation lingo like that he uses anomalously like a joke term that stands out as weird to me tone wise but maybe other people will like it i'm not sure i'm not a fan uh never mind right you say you see a door inside can you try and open it he opens the door yeah so it wasn't locked and yeah so the door wasn't locked i don't know why he said wait how i thought like i'm confused as to why that happened um tata what do you see i can't see too clearly it looks like a sturdy some bed of some kind is there anyone inside anything unnatural surreal there's a brief pause d1688 keeps looking in the room two things okay there's a bunch of smoke things wandering around so he sees the smoke things so that's why i thought he could see the smoke things because earlier in the document you said he can't see the smoke things but now he can't see the smoke things make up your mind they don't seem to notice me or if they do they're not trying to kill me unlike you people the second and second of all this place is less of a study more of a library a library but you said and it's huge all right so why does he say but you said like he's saying i know i said it's a study but it's more of a library so he there's something about this conversation where if the if the researcher is confused because an attic can't fit a library that needs to be a little better phrased so that we can point out that there's some bigger there's some like TARDIS level bigger on the inside kind of shit going down continuing on and it is huge you look at one of the shelves and it just keeps going up and up and up it's really dark up there but i don't think there's a top and they're chock full of books and there's ladders and they seem to keep going and going as it's even physically possible i stand corrected kind of uh brief paul i don't think that structure was right for that but you did at least explain what i wanted to hear so yeah brief paul is the background researcher blanket we heard conversing with a colleague on the situation what's he saying about it i'm curious why is that in there why why does him talking to a subject like he says all right uh one of the books try and read one why did he need to converse with somebody to do that unless there's a reason for that i don't think it's necessary i think you just cut that line d1688 grabs one of the books and can be heard flicking through the book before taking a more deliberate read of the book it's a biography of someone from the victorian era leather bound expensive looking it looks like this guy had a pretty tough life he would tell him he wanted to escape and he found this house but he felt trapped here and he stopped aging this is just flicking through it try another okay this one looks way shittier rude the cover is just the chick's face photoshop face photoshopped i think photoshopped is one word it's photoshopped onto although that might have been an auto correct or something i don't know photoshopped onto a supermodel it's similar in its read to the leather bound one same chapter list two and same ending all right try something from a different side of the room again this is a biography of someone's life that this is a d-class what the hell's going on here something noticing is as a trend here is they're all published by the same book company but i've never heard about it in my life soul print books soul print does that imply that okay so soul print books i don't like soul print books uh off topic two sides uh this has been mentioned twice now wow you can say a lot of words without in one breath and i sure you get this a lot but i think you should be a rapper well uh in case you don't know sherman is a trained singer so i have breath support and diction practice which is why clarity and stuff like that i do a mean ride with me by nelly but i don't do a lot of rapping although i do love hamilton because broadway musicals and rap i can i can do decent at some hamilton songs but anyways soul print books i don't like soul print books i don't think you need soul print books unless they're going to be a group of interest of some kind that you're coming up with later that you need to put in because it's already very clear once he finds the smoke smoke people that these are the souls that are trapped by the books so like the book is of their life and then you see their souls walking around so unless soul print books is some sort of group publisher that's going to come up in other scripts you're going to read i think it's two on the nose and i think you can cut it entirely and just say these books tell someone's entire history and then you see their souls outside in smoke monster form you're like oh my god there's some people in the books and then you read later that it even says things that are amnesticized so that is uh i think either if you want it you can use it but i think it's two on the nose i think we get the point without it this must be the people end up in this place out there lives depending on the book and story here and there's absolutely tons of absolutely tons yeah see this is all stuff that you're gonna show us when you read the books bring them outside find the smoke monsters for the reveal oh god so i think that's uh i think you can cut this entire ending but pause it right you've done some amazing work today d1688 could you take a selection of books to the back to the bag that you left outside for your retrieval yeah yeah all right and log d1688 place selection of books within the bag of the doorstep of scb 399 which was collected promptly details on the contents of the recovered books is provided with provided from within the attic of scb 399 is provided details on the contents of the recovered books is provided from within the so this sentence is out of order uh details on the contents of the recovered books details on the contents of the books recovered from within the attic of scb 3929 is provided within addendum 2 addendum 2 analysis of books recovered during experiment 76 provided below table containing the titles of the books d1688 provided after experiment 76 concluded after the result increases to 3929 not 3939 d1688 refused to speak to foundation personnel for more than a month and express anger what had occurred whenever he did have to communicate i like that i love the end of his log to be oh shit you bastards and then we see he hasn't talked to us in a month i think it's really funny in a sad terrible way but book title love love bartholomew the broken bartholomew torund a young detainee man whose son ran away from home and died in the snow and greek bartholomew left for the forest of scotland only find i think fled to the forest is a little more interesting way of saying it but tholomew fled to the forest i think that's just a nicer way to say it only to find scb 399 i don't think you need a comma there the hospitality of scb 399 has one led into into scb 399 date okay denies the droll denies an egotistic little woman with a penchant for self-aggrandizement eventually finds herself isolated and alone i don't think you need a comma there want to enforce the night she happened upon scb 399 just now prior to the potential activation moment for transitional in 399 petitioned scb 399 is one to let her stay i don't think that should she petition to stay or is because like she didn't have to petition hard 3929 wants her to stay so maybe i don't know she could petition to stay it's not a big deal documents every moment of de 7236 is life including his crime in moments white from memory through amnestics and including the assignment to scb 399 so yes i want the ethics committee after this to be like i want the foundation to be like can we use this to get forgotten information and the ethics committee to be like we got to think about that because that's cruel and unusual right there you're essentially subjecting people to immortality in a state of depression until we give them feed it someone else so let's think about it i'll work for recovery discovery document of scb 399 okay so you shouldn't um the last one i don't know why you find a word for word copy of the discovery document because i guess because there is no discovery document oh but that's the story of the first agent who found it so i think you should do the discovery documents before the d class because the discovery document is before the d class i mean i guess you could do them out of order but it seems like you have a timeline going maybe i'm not sure okay so that is the end of critique lab we made it to the end and hey guys guess what we made it through a whole stream without youtube crashing isn't that incredible oh my gosh high five for surviving today so this has some pretty good potential i'd like to thank you guys for hanging out with me and helping me to do this hmm if you guys like what you see on the channel remember to do all the youtubey channel things like share subscribe if you really want to help out jump on the patreon and the merch store that way we can keep funding cool stuff and do more videos and pay artists and start doing our live action stuff sooner and until the next time i see you guys see you next time foundation staff sorry to chris sist who once again caught the stream right at the tail end peace out finger poke in the face