 Hello my YouTube family, welcome to another NARC Survival Eye video, in this one we do have a very interesting topic, there are already a few videos on this, people talking about how the narcissist realises that they've lost a real one, and then they feel so much regret, they feel like they've lost something, that could have been good, it could have been valuable to them, but I'm just gonna keep it real and tell you how it is, when you're dealing with someone who is narcissistic, because the truth is, that never happens, it isn't real, there is no real one for a narcissist, but I'm gonna get deeper into it so that you will understand it, that it will make perfect sense to you, but before I do please hit the thumbs up button, show your support, hit subscribe, click all notifications to be notified, when I upload a video in the future, or when I go live, and remember that if you would like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me, just go to my website, it's narcsurvivor.co.uk now let's talk about this, when they realise that they've lost a real one, because let's just look back how you were with them, how you treated them, I mean you were always there, that's why initially they idealised you, they saw you as perfect, but even then they weren't really seeing you, it was this image, this mental snapshot that they had of you in their minds, and they may have pursued you, they may have loved bombed you and done everything you want them to do in the beginning, and even more, they may have done everything they could to secure you, some narcissist just goes straight to the devaluation that can happen as well, but now let's talk about what you did for them, now you were always there, whenever they needed you, you were there, you were at their back and call, you became their doormat, their emotional punching bag, whatever they wanted from you, you did it, you got it, you did your best in some situations, you did pretty much whatever they wanted, whatever they expected, whatever they wanted you to do it, you did that, you were there, but what was the response that you got from doing all of that, did you even get a thank you, did they ever seem grateful, did they ever seem like they actually cared, of course not, but if they did by now I'm sure you have realised that was just manipulation, sometimes they will say thank you, just to manipulate you into doing more, when in actuality they really don't care, they separate these things from you, they're not even looking at it as though it's coming from you as a person, they just view you as an object that exists to meet their needs, your tool and appliance, they don't even view you as a person, they don't even care about your own separate feelings and needs, it's just all about them, they're completely self-absorbed, they lack empathy, there is no connection, there's no love, it was never a relationship, it was a transaction, it was all about what they were getting from you and not in a way where it's like they even think that you care about them or that you love them, they didn't even care about that, they just see it as a weakness, all they care about is what they can get out of you and you stayed and you did all of these things for them, you were there for them, you were at their beck and call when they said jump, you said how high, but all of that was taken for granted, they didn't even really appreciate it, they were moved and phased because they have unmet emotional needs from childhood, so anything that you do for them now, after all of that neglect, rejection, abandonment that they've already experienced long before you came around and by the time you get there it's already too late, it's too late to have any real effect on them, to move them, to be something special to them, it's far too late for that because they have these unmet emotional needs from childhood and now it's like no matter what you do it could never be enough, like what you've already done for them, as you may have noticed it just seems to escalate with time, they want more and more as time goes by, that's in terms of the things that you're doing and giving to them, but not only that, also the abuse that escalates too and all of this is just going into a void, they are completely insatiable, there's nothing that you can do to make a narcissist happy and I know this from my own experience, I've experienced it first hand, there is nothing you can do, they will take whatever you've got, whatever you're doing for them, if they don't care about love, connection, that means nothing, they'll take your money, they'll take any gifts that you give to them, maybe if you give them a place to stay, you offer to pay their bills of course they're not gonna say no to that, but when it comes to things like love, romance, they don't care about that, unless they can use it as a means to manipulate you and keep you around, so that they can continue getting more and more from you, in the beginning once they when they first meet you, they are looking for that positive attention and validation, but once they get comfortable around you, then it's more just about abusing you, because by that point they feel intimidated, they feel inferior to you, the whole part of the false character in the beginning is because they know that who they actually got is never going to be good enough for you, that's why they give you that, they make you believe in this impossible future with them, the future fake, they lie to you, just to keep you holding on, longing and yearning to something that they can't ever even provide to you, until at some point you begin to figure them out, you begin to realize that they're not going to be able to make that dream come true, that false character that you saw in the beginning, they're never going to be able to be that for you, they can pretend to be that as long as you're willing to validate it and go along with it, but nothing's ever going to come into fruition, it's never going to be real, and once you start to catch on, you start confronting them, you start pressuring them, that's when they begin devaluing you, if the manipulation and gaslight is no longer working, they will just coerce you, they will insult you, put you down, make you feel inadequate, make you feel like you're not good enough, but it's actually them that they don't feel like they're good enough for you, and that's why they do that, and it's also to keep you down, so that they can continue getting supply and resources from you, but they are never looking at you or anyone else as a real one, narcissists don't think that way, they don't even care about that, in the beginning when they idealize you, some of them sometimes they may be thinking of it as this ideal love, as though you're this, because in their minds, their idea of an ideal love is pretty much someone coming into their life and saving them, rescuing them from their troubles, their hardship, maybe their financial difficulties, I mean that's typically how it is with narcissists, it's usually revolving around money, so then they idealize you for a certain amount of time, but then because you're assuming that it's a relationship and you're then expecting some form of exchange, reciprocation, that's when they then turn against you, because what they really want is someone to provide everything to them, take care of them, pretty much like a caretaker, and at the same time they will abuse you as well, so you have to be their doormat, that emotional punching bag, their fool, and even then they're still not grateful, you still won't get a thank you, I mean if anything they'll just see you as though you're weak, especially if you tell them that you love them and you care about them, they're just gonna think that you're a very weak fool, they're not going to have any love or respect for you, they do not love, a narcissist cannot experience love, they have these unmet emotions on these from childhood that were never fulfilled, and because of that they are constantly in survival mode, it's like life or death to them, they are in a fight for their lives just trying to get whatever they can from whoever is willing to give it to them, and they will take that to fill the voids, but it's kind of like a bucket with a leak at the bottom, you can pour into it but it's constantly leaking out, it's never gonna be enough to where they actually feel grateful, and as for if you were love-bombed by the narcissist, and you thought that there was a connection in that moment, you thought it was passionate, you thought that they cared about you, you thought the sex was good, none of this is true, none of it is true and none of it was real, it was all in your mind, they were manipulating you sexually as well, they use sex as a means for manipulation and control, and that's how later on in the relationship, I can't say that this is something that I experienced all for myself, but I do know that many narcissists withhold sex later on in the relationship, because it's only as a means to manipulate and control you, to get you emotionally attached, and once they think they've got you and you're not going anywhere, then they don't need to use that anymore, because despite what you may think, based on what you've seen, they actually don't even care about that, as I've said before, narcissists do not care about love, intimacy, they can't even experience that, even if they wanted to, they can't experience a connection because they lack empathy, they are self-absorbed, it's all about them, and as for sexual attraction, sexual pleasure, that's not a concern to a narcissist, that doesn't even cross their minds and in fact, they don't even enjoy sex, they don't enjoy passionate lovemaking, it's all about manipulation and control, that's all that it is, it's got nothing to do with a connection, they're not connecting to you, sometimes it may seem as though they have these fantasies, these fantasies have nothing to do with you, this is all in their minds, and it's for narcissistic supply, but even then, it's not anything directly to do with you, you're never anything of significance to them, they don't even see you, and I'm sorry to say, but the reality is that the fantasies that they have when they're having sex with you, this doesn't really have anything to do with you, they're typically thinking of something completely different in their minds while they're having sex, something completely unrelated to you, a narcissist cannot enjoy anything in the present moment, they're constantly running from reality, remember they have a false self that cannot exist in reality, it cannot experience pleasure or satisfaction from anything in the real world, only in the mind, only in fantasy, which is not connected to you or anyone else in the physical world, it's not based on a past experience, it's completely just in their imagination, and in fact, the entire relationship is fantasy based, even in the beginning when the idealizing you, it's like they're kind of imposing a character on you from something they may have seen in a movie, something completely fake, something that could never be real, it's never anything in reality, the entire thing was all a false image, it was all a lie, they don't even see you, a lot of times they didn't even know they go there, and this is how you may wonder some of the things that they do, it's like at some point you've got to stop and think, what does it have to do with your feelings, with your needs, and if you look at it, it's just all about them, and it's almost like they're trying to mold you into something, they're trying to get you to align to whatever ideal character they have in their minds, whether it's to get something out of you or when they're abusing you, they're just constantly trying to mold you into that for their narcissistic supply, or so that they can use you as a part of their false image, or to extract resources from you, it's never anything like with a regular relationship, it's never anything to do with that, as I've said before, only a true empath can experience a connection because they have that affective empathy, something that only one to two percent of the world's population possess, this is why in your partial relationships, your friendships, maybe with family members as well, you never felt like it was a real relationship, there was never really a connection, you never felt like you're cured, you never felt seen, this is why even with all of this social media, people are very lonely, two most common illnesses, mental illnesses, anxiety and depression, most people in this world do not care about you, they don't care about who you are, they don't care about what you're going through, many of you want to think that they do, the more you think that, the more disappointed you're going to be, because most people honestly do not care, and it might sound a bit negative, pessimistic, depressing, I get that, but once you move on past the acceptance of it, it can be quite freeing, when you realize that no one actually really cares, you stop worrying about what other people think of you, because what does it matter, whatever people think, whatever people seem to care about, it has far more to do with them than it does to do with anyone else, it's based on their own past experiences, their own perspectives, and this is before we even get to people who are full blown NPD, then that's another level again, people who are full blown NPD, the relationship, any experience you have with them, it has practically nothing to do with you as a person, it's got nothing to do with you being a real one or not being a real one, they don't even think that way, and in fact to them, nothing is real, no one is real to a narcissist, everyone is fake, even when they come across an empath, their ego just won't allow them to accept it, they've got to be in denial, they've got to push it away, the mentality is they wanted love acceptance a long time ago, they didn't get it, it built up so much bitterness and resentment, they feel very hurt, and now they just won't let it in, they won't let it in because now they want to be on the other end of it, and they see that as being a source of power, because now they see love, connection, intimacy as weakness, they see it as weakness because in their childhood, before they became a narcissist, maybe they were quite loving themselves, they wanted love, and then they were hurt, they were neglected, so now they see that as being weak, because of that, they're never going to be vulnerable again, you're never going to see a vulnerable side to them, you may have thought that sometimes you did, you didn't, that was manipulation, that was just to gain control over you because at some level, they know what you want to see, but they can't give you that, I've dealt with many narcissists in my life, they're never going to be vulnerable, you're never going to see what's actually inside of them, they're never going to reveal that to anyone, what is there, it's nothing that you would want to see, it's nothing that you would want to be involved in, if anything, when a narcissist is vulnerable, that's when they experience a narcissistic injury, when you take them off, when you make them mad, and what happens they rage, that's what happens when a narcissist is vulnerable, and you've got to think, why would they care about any of that, I mean, just look at how they act towards you, especially going on past the love bombing phase, they're very cold, they're very mean, they're disconnected from themselves and their emotions, so it's nothing to do with connecting to you, if anything, they want you to disconnect from yourself, they want you to disconnect from your emotions, because as long as you're connected to yourself, your emotions, they feel like you have power over them, and they don't like that, many of you may want the narcissist to see that you are a real one, because I'm not disputing that you're not, I mean, the fact that you find these communities and you watch these videos, it shows that you care, you want to learn more, you want to be better, you want to figure things out, that sounds like a real one to me, and you may want them to see that, but here's the thing with narcissists, in the beginning, they're always in agreeance, they're idealizing you, just so they can get what they want from you, and to secure you, continue as their source of supply, but from that point on, they will always be who they actually are, and who they actually are is someone who has to be opposed to whoever you are and whatever you stand on, they always have to be oppositional in bold defiance, so if you want them to see you for who you are, they're always going to go against that, if you want them to see you as a real one, they're just going to further view you as someone who's fake, someone who's bad, someone who's crazy, the more sane, logical, and normal that you're trying to seem, and you keep trying, you keep pushing, they're just going to resist that even more, they're just going to resist that even more, they've got to be the opposite, they've got to go against the grain, so it's like whatever you're trying to do, whatever you're trying to be or achieve, they will always do the opposite of what's normal, of what's usual, typical, and expected, they will always go against that, so if anything, if you want them to see you as a real one, the only way it really works with narcissists is if you manipulate them, you have to trick them, or you have to play the part in the fantasy, and uphold them to their false character, so then they have to play their part, that's the only way that that's going to work, and you have to act up a little bit, go against them, and then they may be the opposite, they may come back to hoover you, they may love bomb you, that's when they may come in with the fake apologies, the false epiphanies, to try to get you to to depart from your position, because that's all a narcissist is ever going to do, that's the only way that they can gain power and control over you, they always want to move you, to affect you, to get you to react to them, to change you in some way, so whatever you're trying to do, whatever your values are, they're going to want it to be the opposite, so it's like if you come into the relationship, and you're all happy, you're about love, romance, a connection, going on dates, candlelight dinners, walking on the beach holding hands, by the end of it, they're going to make you hate all of that, they're going to make you think it's all bad, it's all wrong, they're going to make you despise it, they're going to make you turn against it, they're going to turn you against yourself, who you actually are, because that's what narcissists have to do in order to maintain control, and that's how you know exactly what you're dealing with, because only a narcissist behaves like that, normal people, they want to be in harmony, they want to be on the same page, they want to have a shared interest up and in common, narcissists have no values at all, they don't believe in anything, they will act like they have the same interest as you in the beginning to lure you in, and then once they've got you, whatever it is that you value, they'll go against that, sometimes they'll go to extremes, and I mean they will really go to extremes, I remember a narcissist in my life, like when she first came into the relationship she acted she was about something, like love, a connection, being a loyal, submissive, kind, devoted partner, and I have held her to that, and then one day we were watching a movie, and I guess her false character, she aligned it with this actress in the movie, and then all of a sudden there was like a deeper part to the story, and it turns out that this character was then cheating on her husband, and she was also a murderer, and the narcissist was laughing about it, she was rationalising it, justifying it, acting as though there was nothing wrong with what that character did, they will go to extremes just to maintain power and control, they have no values, it's just whatever gives them that power, like I said they do not care about love, romance, a connection, they don't care about any of that, that's you, they came into it pretending like they do because they know that's how they can get, they can lure you into it, and then they've got you as their source of supply, you're validating their false character, and then later on you see what's really underneath the mask, you see that all along they never really cared about that, and how do you know that they never cared about that, and as I've said before it's simple, that person you remember at the beginning, where are they now, if they loved you, if they cared about you, if they're really about connection, romance, if they really love sex, that much, if they love just all of the things that you were doing with them, I mean just think about that for a moment, if they cared about any of that, they'd still be with you now, if you had those things in common, if you had these shared interests, they would still be there, why would they leave you if that's what they really like, if that's what they're really about, and that's how you know it was all a lie, it was all a facade, what you've got to understand about Narcissus is that they are completely empty in sight, they value nothing, other than grandiosity, sometimes playing the victim, even then that's just a source of power, all they care about is power, in the beginning they see it as a source of power to be that way, to mirror you, to idealize you, and then after a certain amount of time, they find that it's more powerful, more impactful to do the opposite, because then they've got you then, they've contained you, they've got you emotionally attached, you're investing in them, so they know you're not going anywhere, so there is no real one for a narcissist, and I'm not saying that's a good thing, actually if anything it's kind of sad when you think about it, it's very empty, it's meaningless, because many of you, yes you are real ones, you actually did care about them, you wanted the best for them, you would have done anything for them, so of course yes it's really stupid, they could have lost something really special with you, of course I'm not disputing that, I'm not saying that's not true, but then again that's what you're about, that's what you value, love, connection, relationships, marriage, children, they don't care about any of that, it's all just a means to control, it's a source of power, it's whatever's going to make them feel stable and secure in that moment, and even then that can change from moment to moment, that's how it's only a certain amount of time until you then find they've got other sources of supply they're cheating on you, I don't mean they've got so much supply then to it, they've had so many sources long before you came around and it's like by the time you come around in many situations they wouldn't even idealize you, or even though it may seem like they are, even that's fake, even that's fake, I mean they don't just keep going on and on idealizing everyone that they come across, sometimes they do, it depends how good your supply is, but even then it's not you, it's your supply, it's the lifestyle that you can provide to them, for many of you who believe in this fairy tale, you think it could be something special, there is nothing special, there's nothing unique about it, they've done the same thing to so many people before you, and you're not going to be the last they're going to do it to so many people after you as well, so even when you see them with the new source there's nothing special about that as well, there's no connection, there's no love that asks us, there's not seeing them as a real one, none of that has anything to do with it, there is no meaning, no purpose, no direction, no substance, there's no depth, there's no emotion involved, it's all just fake, it's all fake, they're self-absorbed, they lack empathy, they're disconnected from themselves and their emotions, so how could they ever connect to you, I just think about it, look back, was there ever a time where they actually sat down and had a conversation with you, was there ever a time where they actually talked about how you feel or what you want, was it always just about them and what they could get out of you, I mean I know my own experiences, whatever was, was just an ATM, a doormat, a punching bag, just someone to sit there and listen to all of their problems, that hour-long monologues, quite clearly who you are as a person, that never even comes into the picture, they didn't even care, they didn't even seek you, you're just an appliance, a tool, who you actually are, that doesn't even matter to them, I don't know, it may sound sad, it may sound depressing, let's say at some point you're going to move past that, it's not going to bother you as much anymore, and if anything it's going to be quite freeing, once you learn, you realise that they really don't care, it's not about what they think about you, they don't think about you, they don't even see you, and when you realise that it gives you space to be yourself, so it can be good in some ways, and what, yeah, you're not going to get that connection, you're not going to get that love, that romance from them that you may be wanting, it's not that you can't get that from anyone, I mean statistics do show, one to two percent of the world's population are empaths, so empaths are out there somewhere, but then you've got to think as well just because there's empaths out there, it doesn't mean they want the exact same type of situation that you want, not every empath is for you, and also for two empaths to come together, that is very rare, it's just how it is, narcissists are takers, it's not about giving or sharing a moment, an experience, a connection with you, it's got nothing to do with that, it's not about sharing anything with you, it's about what am I going to get, what can I take, that's what you're trying to do, you want to give, you want to share a connection and experience, because you're an empath, that's why for them it's just all about what can I take, what can I get from this, not even a person, this tool, this appliance, this object, they don't even see you as a real person, and that's how if they can't get anything out of you, I mean you all know what happens at the end, once they've drained the life out of you, they've taken all that you've got, what do they do, they don't stick around, they leave you, they discard you, they go find someone else to do the same thing all over again, nothing to do with sharing anything with you, it's got nothing to do about it, and as soon as you wake up and you realize that you will be better able to protect yourself, the reality is that most people in this world do not care about you, they don't, just like a round of the world, one third of the world is starving, and in extreme poverty, does it look like anyone cares about them, if you're in the city just take a walk down the street, look at all of the homeless people, does anyone care about them, if they haven't got a place to sleep tonight, they haven't got any food, no one gives a shit, no one cares, all people do care about is fantasies, and that's just only ever got anything to do with them, it's just all about how they're going to feel better in that moment, even when you're having sex where they're narcissists, it's never sex, sex where they're narcissists, it can only ever be masturbation, where they're using you as a sex toy, there's no emotional connection, and many of them they don't even enjoy sex anyway, it's just as a means to gain power and control over you, it's to manipulate you, but even in some situations where maybe they are getting some gratification out of it, even then you're just a tool, you're just a sex toy, and even then they're not really experiencing you, they're not connecting to you, they don't feel anything, they feel nothing towards you, it's a fantasy, it's like a movie playing in their minds, and not just when they're having sex all the time, they're constantly disconnected from reality, it's always a movie playing in their minds all of the time, and you're either willing to play a part in it or you're not, it's as simple as that, and if you're not, well they might try to coerce you into it and if they can't well they'll just get rid of you, that's all that it is, it's got nothing to do with love, a connection, it's got nothing to do with reality, you put the truth, you put reality in front of an artist and watch what happens, they want nothing to do with it, you're trying to be yourself around them, they want nothing to do with you, they'll try and mold you into who they want you to be, who they need you to be, so they can get what they want from you, they don't want anything to do with anything real, and the sooner that you accept that the safer that you will be, a real one, there is no real one for an artist, you may be a real one but they didn't even see it, it doesn't even cross their minds, they didn't even care about that, it means nothing to them, it's got nothing to do with what they're pursuing, with what their needs are, when we're thinking about real ones that's more about sharing a boba and an experience with someone having a connection but aren't trying to share anything with you, it's just about taking, it's about what can I get, I don't know how negative or pessimistic this may sound but we've got to practice this radical acceptance because the longer that you hold on to this false character and you believe that it's real, you're just fooling yourself, you're holding on to a dream and you're constantly going to be feeling disappointed, dissatisfied because you're going to be like all right all these lies, this future faking, where is it? what's going on? where is this person? this is why you have to accept it, you have to realize that it is fake, it's not real because otherwise you're just going to be agitating yourself and the reality is that what you're seeking, what you're looking for in them, I mean in the beginning all that really happened is they mirrored you, they reflected your own qualities and virtues back to you so you pretty much just fell in love with yourself so what you have to do is get to know yourself more, spend more time with yourself, that's the answer. the most important relationship we will ever have in our lives other than with God of course is the relationship that we have with ourselves and you've got to think they mirrored you, they reflected you back to you and you fell in love with yourself so it just shows you're clearly missing yourself, you need yourself right now so give yourself the greatest gift that anyone could ever give to you in this world, give yourself to yourself and I know that may sound quite lonely but honestly you may be surprised, don't just think about it, actually do it develop your relationship with yourself and you may be surprised how good that feels, you may realize that that was what you were missing all along and also that relationship with God it's very important, go to the church, go to the mosque the temple, whatever religion you believe in and look into spirituality as well, manifestation stop focusing on what you don't want, start focusing on what you do want or what you want your future to be like instead of holding on to something that isn't even real you can manifest anything that you want in this world, in this life only you can make it happen, only you can make it real no one else is going to make that real for you no one else is going to make that a reality it's only you, no one's coming to save you I'm not saying that to hurt or upset you, if anything this should be very empowering to you, that means the future is in your hands, it means that you have the power instead of you handing off the power to someone else and giving them control over your life, you can do that all you want some people have done that, I've had clients who are in narcissistic relationships pretty much their entire lives, 50 years they held on to their lives and the future faking, their entire life just passed them by, I don't want that to be you that's why I'm telling you right now to take back control of your life the power is in your hands, realize that there is no real one for the narcissist that doesn't mean that you're not a real one or that you weren't a real one for them, it just means that they can't see it and they don't care about it but you can be a real one for yourself, be a real one for yourself and realize that God is a real one for you and no narcissist is ever going to be able to compete with that relationship that you can have with yourself and they're never going to be able to compete with that relationship that you can have with God, these two relationships are always going to be greater, superior to any relationship you have with anyone in this life, your relationship with God comes first your relationship with yourself comes second everything else comes after and these are just the tools that you need to live a fulfilling life, to create the life that you want to live that's how I manifested my dreams, that's how I created everything that I have in my life, by realizing that that's what I had to do is connect to the higher power, strengthen my relationship with God and my relationship with myself and stay away from all of these distractions from everything that's keeping you away from that so yeah that's all you have to do but they never see you as a real one that never mattered to them, that only mattered to you stop assuming that they share the same experience as you, they do not they can't put themselves in your shoes, they can't feel what you feel they lack empathy, it's not even a concern to them they're not even thinking about you, they don't even see you but forget about that, just make sure that you see you make sure that you take care of you, make sure that you feel that void that they fail to fill, make sure that you be that for you so if you found this video helpful please hit that thumbs up button down below let's get this message out there to other victims, other survivors hit subscribe, click on notifications to be notified when I upload a new video and if you would like to donate you can leave a super chat in the live chat a super thanks in the comment section or you can go to my paypal it's paypal.me slash narc-survivor and if you would like to book a one-on-one with me just go to my website it's narc-survivor.co.uk and also you can follow me on instagram it is narc-survivor youtube thank you all for joining me on another narc-survivor live video I appreciate all of you and I look forward to speaking with you again in another live video very soon