 If you think being successful is going to make you more confident, you're wrong. And you've actually got it backwards. You need to be confident in order to be successful. Because think about it. Why would anyone believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? If you are tired of feeling like you are at the mercy of everything and everyone around you from a shitty boss to a dead-end job and everything in between, let me help you change your situation. And if you apply the nine strategies we're going to talk about at the end of this video, you will be a different person. I'm Brian Sakawa. This is He Spoke Style. Advice and inspiration to help you dress better, develop your personal style, and yes, be more confident. The first thing I want to do is to dispel the myth that in order to be confident that you've got to be loud, extroverted, and aggressive. It's easy to think this because people who act this way often do appear confident. But the way they're presenting themselves is actually that person compensating or overcompensating for their lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities and their insecurities. Confidence or a lack of confidence is something that's created throughout your life. The opinions of your parents, your teachers, your friends all help to build up that confidence or destroy it. And the reason is because we care about what people think. But if you get to a point where that fear of how someone is going to perceive you takes over and controls everything you're doing and every choice you're making, then you've gotten to a point where you are not in control anymore and you're judging yourself based on what others think and not what you believe. So we need to get rid of that fear. We need to get rid of that inner criticism that is holding you back from living the kind of life that you want. And the first step to doing that is to take an honest look at yourself and to know yourself very well. Self-reflection is ground zero for improving your confidence. Knowing everything about what's inside you is going to help you start believing in yourself and your abilities. If you don't know what you want, how are you going to get it? Self-reflection can be difficult and it's important that you're honest with yourself. Get a notebook and start writing things down. What do you want? How do you feel? What sets you off? There is no right or wrong way to do this, so do whatever feels right for you. And as you're going through this, one of the things I want you to do is to create a list of your strengths. Don't forget what you're good at. Having a list that you can refer back to will help you remember all the positive things you have to offer, which is especially helpful when you feel discouraged. Also, if you have a clear understanding of your strengths, that's going to be like armor that'll protect you against any needless feedback or criticism that you might get on a daily basis, like at work, for example. That list is the easy part. This next list, not so easy, because what you also need to do is to make a list of your weaknesses. And once you've identified your weaknesses, those are the things that you're going to want to work on the hardest. Make plans for how to improve them. Figure out ways to minimize their negative impact. It's easy to sit back and coast on the things you're good at, but if you know that you have these weaknesses and you're not working on them, that's not going to make them go away. Over time, that's just going to reinforce any doubts that you have about yourself. People with talent who don't practice or work on stuff only get so far in life. It's the people that dig in and do the hard work on the things that they can't do or aren't so good at. Those are the people who eventually have greater success. The next two strategies we're going to talk about have to do with appearance. And let me just say that caring about your appearance is not vain. There's a big difference between conceit and confidence. And one thing I know for sure is that if you look in the mirror and you're not happy with what you see, you are not going to be confident when you step outside into the world. The first thing we're going to focus on is skincare because your face is one of your most important assets when it comes to your appearance. And to take the best care of your face, you need to make it a habit and part of your daily routine. I used to go in fits and starts when it came to skincare. I'd start and then I'd stop. And it was usually because there was like too much out there to choose from and not enough guidance. That's why I love Tiege Hanley who I'm proud to partner with for today's video because they make it so easy to start and stick with it. If Tiege is new to you, they have many different products, but all you really need to get started is their basic plan. Now that's a face cleanser, exfoliating scrub, and moisturizer with SPF to protect your skin from the sun, and a PM moisturizer for the important repair process that happens while you sleep. I'm almost 45 years old and if you're like me, I'd recommend bumping up to Tiege's level three system that adds in a firming serum and an eye cream. But let's get back to the part where I said it's easy. So when you get your box in the mail and open it up, it comes with a card. That card tells you what to do, when to do it, and how much of the product to use. And it gets even simpler because when you subscribe, you don't even have to think about going out to get more because it automatically comes to your door every month. Now, in addition to great skin, when you join Tiege, you get tons of perks as well, including at least 20% off the retail price, the ability to customize your box, shipping reminders, pause or cancel at any time. There are no hassle refunds, and there's free US shipping, as well as low-cost shipping to most other countries. And because Tiege Hanley is sponsoring today's video, they're offering you guys a great deal, all you got to do is click the first link in the description to get Tiege Hanley for 30% off, and you can choose a DoppKit, Hantel, or Body Wash and Scrubber combo as a free gift. So click that link to get started today. All right, the next thing we need to talk about in terms of appearance is how you dress. Like it or not, the clothing you wear, how it fits you, your accessories, all those things communicate something about you. It affects every relationship you have, how you're perceived, what group you belong to, or want to belong to. And it's a direct reflection of what you're going to get out of your day. How you dress is completely up to you and it's dependent on your personal style, your situation, and what you want to get out of life. But however it is you choose to dress, if you put some time and effort into it and do it with intention, people will notice and you'll be more confident. Now, nothing boosts your confidence more than when you win at something. And the bigger the win, the bigger the boost. But if you're only focusing on those big victories, you are missing out on a lot of smaller ones. Think about your day. You probably get a lot of stuff done. A lot of stuff you overlook and don't consider a victory. But they are. They're things you've accomplished. That's a good thing. And the best way to see these things and celebrate that you've accomplished something is to make a list at the beginning of the day and cross things off. Seeing what you've done every day will give you a huge boost. Let's circle back to the myth that in order to be more confident that you have to be loud, extroverted, and aggressive. Aggressiveness is not confidence. If you respond to someone aggressively, that's a sign that you're insecure about something. You can be assertive without being aggressive, and that is something worth practicing. But you've got to know yourself and your insecurities to do that. But being assertive without being aggressive will boost your confidence. When you're good at something, you know how that feels, right? It's good, and it automatically boosts your self-confidence. So if you could get better at more things, it would follow that your confidence would also keep increasing. That's why it's important to continue to seek out opportunities to learn and grow throughout your life. Of course, great place to start is that list you made of your weaknesses, but it could be anything that interests you from a hobby to your work life. Define what that is and set a realistic amount of time that you can devote to it every day because getting into a routine is going to be the key to success here. Let's talk about comfort zones. Now, a comfort zone feels good, thus the term comfort, but it's also something that can hold you back, discourage you, and diminish your confidence. You always regret a chance you didn't take, so step outside of what's comfortable every now and then and try something new. It doesn't have to be crazy either, like you don't have to go jumping out of an airplane or something. But think about what you know about yourself. If you're shy, maybe it's just going up to a stranger and saying hello. Whatever it is, if you face that fear, your confidence will improve. Thanks once again to Tish Hanley for sponsoring this video. Just a reminder to click that first link in the description and you'll get 30% off Tish Hanley, and you'll also be able to choose a Dopp Kit, hand towel, or body scrub and scrubber combo as a free gift with your first box.