 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. For smoking enjoyment at his finest with never a rough puff, light up a lucky. And why are luckies a smoother, milder, more enjoyable cigarette. Here's the answer each and every lucky strike contains fine tobacco that smoke smooth and mild. Now fine tobacco costs more and at the tobacco auctions luckies pay millions of dollars more than official parity prices for ripe, light, naturally mild leaks. So light up a lucky friends and puff by puff you'll see. LS, MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, fine tobacco that guarantees you a smoother, milder, more deeply enjoyable smoke every puff of the way. There's never a rough puff in a lucky. So next time you buy cigarettes, be sure of smoking enjoyment at its finest. Ask for Lucky Strike. And here's a Christmas gift suggestion that every friend will welcome, a specially wrapped Christmas carton of Lucky Strike cigarettes, 10 packs, 200 cigarettes, 200 wonderfully smooth, deeply enjoyable luckies. Yes, give Lucky Strike Christmas cartons to your friends, and keep a good supply of luckies on hand to add to your enjoyment of the Christmas season. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilkins. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack is leaving tonight for Houston, Texas, where he's going to be the master of ceremonies at the big charity football game there next Saturday. As we look in at the Benny House, Rochester is finishing Jack's pack. Let's see, I've got all his clothes packed, his shaving cream, razor, toothbrush, and toothpaste. Hmm, I better check and see if I packed all his pills. I can't understand why Mr. Benny carries all these medicines. He never takes anybody, always wants them with him. I guess it's like his money. He never spends anybody gives him comfort to know it's there. I wonder where the Rochester, have you finished my packing? Just about, boys. You want me to, you want to look in the suitcase before I close it? Yeah, let's see, suit, shirts, underwear. Rochester, why'd you pack all these thick woollen socks? It doesn't get that cold in Texas. I know, but in case you're stepping to any oil, you'll want to sop up as much as you can. Oh, yes, yes. Say, boss, isn't Phil Harris going down with you? Yes, Rochester, and Dinah Shore, too. We're going to have quite a show. Notes for the Damon Runyon Fund, the National Kids Foundation, and Holly Hall of Houston. It's going to be one of the biggest. I'll get it, Rochester. You finish packing. Hello? Hiya, Jackson. Well, if it isn't Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. What do you want, Phil? Well, I want to tell you I might be a little late getting down at that railroad station. Well, Phil, you better not miss the train. It's important. It's important that I have my hair done, too. Oh, for heaven's sake, Phil, you have it done every two days. Why are you so proud of your hair? Look, Jackson, it's the only nice thing I've got that Alice didn't give me. Say, Phil, when we get down to Houston, what kind of a routine are you going to do on the show? Oh, the usual thing. Stand up there and let them look at me. Well, I'll tell a few jokes, and then I'll sing 28 choruses, if that's what I like about the South. 28 choruses? Well, there ain't no use in giving them the whole thing. Jackson, let them tease them a little. Let's tease them a little. And anyway, Phil, you couldn't possibly sing the whole song. We're only going to be there five days, you know? Now, look, Phil, here's something very important I want to tell you before we leave. Yeah, what is it? Well, first, I want you to, Phil, Phil, Phil. Oh, darn it, we were cut off. Well, he knows it's important. He'll probably call me right back. Now, Rochester. Hello, Phil. I'm glad you called back. Jack, this is Mary. Oh, hello, Mary. I was expecting Phil. Well, Jack, I'm calling from a bookstore, and I thought I'd get you something to read on the train. Oh, good, Mary. That's sweet. What are you getting me? A book of epigrams and witty sayings. Epigrams and witty sayings? What do I need with that? Well, you may get into a conversation with someone. You know how lost you are without your writers. You needn't worry about that, Mary. I'm taking one of my writers with me. Oh, good. You'll be the life of a club car. Which writer are you taking? John Tackaberry. Tackaberry? Yes. You see, he came from Houston 10 years ago, and I thought it'd be nice if I took him home so he could change his clothes. Now, look, Mary, I'm expecting Phil to call me right back, so I better hang up. Goodbye. Bye, Jack. I wish Phil would hurry up and call back. It's important. Maybe I better call him. Boss, I've got everything packed. Good. And I've taken care of everything I had to do, too. Gee, I'm glad I went to the dentist this morning and had my teeth fixed. You're going to strike oil even if you have to bite your way down. Never mind. Now, I'm going to call. That's probably Phil. Phil? Oh, hello, Jack. This is Don. Oh, hello, Don. I was expecting a call from Phil. Where are you? Well, I'm rehearsing the sportsman quartet for their opening at the Coconut Grove Tuesday night. Oh, yes. And they got the job at the ambassador. Yes. Gee, I wish I could be there, but I have to leave town. Oh, don't worry, Jack. They'll mail you the commission. Oh, oh. Well, anyway, Don, give them my best wishes for their opening. I will, Jack. Goodbye. So long. See, if I can keep that quartet working, I can relax a little. Oh, Rochester, I must be sure to take my... Hello? Jack, I forgot to ask you. Would you like me to pick you up and drive you down to the station? Oh, fine, Mary. That's swell. And gee, I wish you could go to Texas with me. Well, you know I'd love to, Jack, but my family's coming here for a visit from Plainfield. Oh, yes. You mentioned that yesterday. When are you expecting them? Well, that's hard to say. You see, my sister Babe is flying, and Mom is coming by train, and Pop is coming by bus. Gee, that's peculiar. Why do they travel separately? That way they don't have to explain each other to strangers. Oh, well, that's logical. Yeah. I hope the vacation out here does Babe some good. She's still heartbroken. I know. She was awfully upset about gargantua. Jack, stop that! What? They hardly knew each other. Now, Jack, when I take you to the station, I won't be able to stay too long. I've got to be back for Benita and Ronnie's party. Oh, the Coleman's are throwing a party, eh? Now, isn't that my luck? The night I go away, they have a party. What's the occasion? You just said it. All right, all right. Goodbye. Bye. Well, I can't wait any longer. I got a call Phil. Let's see. His number is... Oh, that must be him. Hello? Now, look, Charlie, I haven't got much time, so listen to me. I'm phoning you to warn you that my husband's wise to us, and he's on his way over to your house with a gun. So get out of town, Charlie. Get out quick! Gee, I'm certainly glad my name isn't... Hello? Hey, Jackson, I've been trying to get you back. Now, what was the important thing you wanted to talk to me about? It's not important now. Phil, tell me something and tell me the truth. Is Phil your right first name? Sure, Jackson. Sure. Are you positive? Certainly, I'm positive. Well, Phil, did you ever tell anybody your name was Charlie? Huh? No. Good. Then you can take your time getting to the train. What are you talking about? I'll explain it later. It's a juicy tidbit. Now, Phil, are you all packing ready to go? Yep. Everything's all corked up. Good. I'll see you later then. Boss, you want me to drive you to the station? No, Rochester. Miss Livingston is going to pick me up. So close my bags and I'll answer the door, Rochester. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. I heard you were going away, so I came to say goodbye. Well, that's nice, kid. Goodbye. Well, he came to say goodbye and he said it. Now, Rochester. Hmm. What is it now? You didn't tell me where you're going. Well, if you're interested, Dennis, I'm going to Houston, Texas. What for? For a benefit. If you had two shows, you wouldn't need to go. Look, Dennis. Goodbye. There's the silliest kid. Oh, no. Oh, no. You answer the door this time, Rochester. Yes. Yes. Is Mr. Benny in? Of course I'm in. Now, come on in here, Dennis. Yes, sir. Now, look, kid. Yes, sir. Why can't you act like a normal, sensible human... Now, who can that be? He locked me out. This is like a Marx brother picture here, sir. Dennis, what did you come over here for, anyway? Well, I made an RCA victory recording of Dear Hearts and Gentle People, and I thought you might like to hear it, and I brought the record with me. All right, Dennis, I've got a few minutes. Put on the record, let me hear it. But if Mary comes by to pick me up, I'll have to leave. Okay. Okay. Mary, it was awfully nice of you to drive me down to the station. Oh, that's all right, Jack. I wanted to see you off. Well, let's go in. Decisive about a railroad station. So many people going so many places. Yeah. Poor Charlie didn't quite make it. The newsstand. Get a magazine. You wait for me here. Okay. Well, I've still got time to get my magazine. He hasn't announced my train yet. I'll show you better run. See, I think the newsstand is over by the... Hello, Mr. Bennie. Wow, Mr. Kettner. What are you doing by the railroad station? Well, I'm going to Houston, Texas. Well, put out there, partner. That's where I'm heading. What? Give me land, lots of land, need to show me sky's above. Don't smug me. Well, Mr. Kitzel, I'll probably see you down there. I'll be at the Shamrock Hotel. Shamrock? My, that's a wonderful name for a hotel. It brings a lump in my throat. It does? Yes. I haven't seen a shamrock since I left the old country. Well, I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun in Texas. You're certainly dressed for it, too. Cowboy boots, spurs, and a gun. Tell me, Mr. Kitzel, are you handy with a gun? You are? I can throw a biscuit up in the air and with one shot, make a big lot of it. Oh, then you are pretty good. Well, so long, Mr. Kitzel. See you in Texas. Better go over and get that magazine before the train leaves. Attention, please. Attention. Train leaving on track three. All the way to Schenectady. Just one stop at Kansas City. I gotta get a newspaper, too. I want to see if they have anything in it. Uh, Jack, what time does your train leave? I don't know. It's not on the hit parade yet. Nothing, nothing. Attention, please. Attention. Train leaving on track. Takes on water at Waterloo. Mary, I'm going to stop at the magazine. In my suitcase, Mary, I'll be right back. Now, let's see. There's so many magazines here. I don't know which one to get. Oh, Mr. Always have to run into them. Now, look, Mr. All I want to do is buy a magazine. Okay. Do you want to read it or tear it in half to show me how strong you are? I want to read it. Now take this one here. Well, house and garden, aren't you lucky? What? Today only with every copy we give away a pocket full of fertilizer. Now, look, Mr. I came here to catch a train. I'm not going to put up with it. Oh, pardon me for interrupting, but may I have a package of lucky strikes, please? Yes, sir. Here you are. Here's your change. Thank you. May I have a light, please? Yes, sir. Here, I'll light it for you. Ah, my favorite cigarette. You're mine, too. They're so round, so firm, so fully packed. And so free and easy on the draw. You keep out of this. But look, I know all about... You know, and, clerk, I've been listening to the radio a lot, and I'd like to ask you something. Is it true that there isn't a rough puff in a lucky because it's made of that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco? Uh-huh. And is it true that veteran tobacco men choose lucky strikes for their own personal enjoyment? Uh-huh. And is it true that luckies pay millions of dollars more than official parity prices? Ooh, do they! Now, look, clerk, I can't stand here all day. Now, I'll take this magazine here, this copy of the Saturday Evening Post. Hey, yes, sir, that'll be 15 cents. Here you are. You want it gift-wrapped, I suppose. Oh, quiet. You burned me up, you stupid jerk. When you come round, I go berserk. Train now leaving for Albuquerque. Now, cut that out! Heaven's sake. Passengers may now board train on track nine for Phoenix, El Paso, and Houston. Train will depart in 15 minutes. Gee, 15 minutes. Jack, Jack, they just called your train. I know, Mary. Well, why don't you get on now? It'll give you time to relax. Yeah, I think I will. Well, goodbye, Mary. Bye, Jack. Well, have a good time. I will. So long. See you in a few days. This is what I hate about seeing someone off. You always have to go home alone. I think I'll go out the side exit. It's closer to the... oops. Oh, I beg your pardon. That's quite all right, Miss. I was trying to cut across to gate nine. Wait a minute. Aren't you, frankly, the football coach at Notre Dame? Yes, I am. Gee, I'm awfully sorry I bumped you so hard. Oh, it was all my fault. I saw you coming, but I didn't realize a girl could throw that kind of a block. Well, I should have looked where I was going. May I... No, thank you. I can get up by myself. Gosh, Mr. Lay, wait till I tell my friends that I ran into the coach at Notre Dame, a team that has played 38 games without one defeat. Well, the credit really should go to the players and the assistant coaches. As head coach, my job is merely to help develop them. Mr. Lay, what have you got in that suitcase? A quarterback. I like to get them young. What? Oh, I'm just kidding, of course. That's a mama doll. I'm taking it home to Sue and Flossie are two daughters. Attention, please. Train leaving for Yuma, Phoenix, El Paso, and Houston. All aboard. That's my train. I'd better run along. Goodbye, Mr. Lay. Goodbye. It was nice talking to you. All aboard. Oh, Porter. Porter. Yes, sir? Which way to the lounge? The next car back, sir. Thank you. See, it's a beautiful lounge car. Pardon me, sir. Is this seat next to you taken? No, no. You may have it. Thank you. Nice day for traveling, isn't it? Yes, certainly is. Huh? Constable seats. By the way, you're Jack Benny, aren't you? Yes, yes, I am. I'm on my way to Texas. I'm putting on a show at that big charity football game in Houston. Well, that's very nice. Of course, I'm rather flattered. They asked me to come down. But then, of course, at one time I was quite a football player myself, you see. You know, I used to play with the Waukegan terrors. Waukegan terrors? Sounds frightening, doesn't it? You know, I was famous for one particular play. It was a very tricky thing where I used to send the end out wide and... Oh, pardon me. Are you familiar with football? I mean, do you know the game at all? By that, I mean, do you... Yes, as a matter of fact... Well, get this played. The ends went out wide. I sent both my halfbacks to the left, and my four quarterbacks to the right. Four quarterbacks? Yes. Am I getting too technical? Well, not yet. Anyway, to make a long story short, we pulled the opposing halfbacks out of position, and I'd send my pullback into the open and throw a long pass to them. Why didn't you send a quarterback? You had plenty of them. Well, we were having so much luck this way. I didn't want to change, you see. Do you see many football games during the season? Mr. Leahy, Frank Leahy. Oh, oh, pleased to meet you, Mr. Leahy. Where are you from? I mean, where's your place of business? South Bend, Indiana. Oh, nice town. Nice town. You know, I used to play it in vaudeville. What do you do there, Mr. Leahy? Are you a salesman or in the insurance business? Well... Oh, I'm sorry for being so nosy. Maybe you don't want to talk about it. Well, I think I'll go back to my compartment and read a while. Oh, darn it. I bought a magazine and left it in the station. Well, if you feel like reading, Mr. Benny, I have a book here that might interest you. Oh, well, thank you. Are you through with it? Surely. Take it along. Well, that's awfully nice of you. Thanks very much. See you later, Mr. Leahy. Funny, he was so reticent about telling me what business he was in. Well, I think I'll just stretch out here on the seat and read the book he gave me. Well, this is a coincidence. This book is about football. Notre Dame Football, The Tea Formation by Coach Frank Leahy. Chapter... Yes! Oh, my goodness. That's who I was talking to. Frank Leahy, the coach in Notre Dame. And I'm stuck on the train with him for two days. I'll never be able to face him. I know what I'll do. Darn these windows, you can never open them. Now, I'll just have to stay in my compartment for the entire trip. I can't bear to... Come in. Oh, Mr. Leahy. Mr. Leahy, it's you. Yes, Jack. I thought you might like to have dinner with me this evening. Well, that's very nice of you, Mr. Leahy. But first, I must apologize for making such a fool of myself. Imagine me not knowing what business you were in. Well, Jack, don't let it worry you. When we played SMU last week, up to the last quarter, I didn't know what business I was in either. No! Well, come on, Frank. We'll go to dinner. And it's my treat. Just a moment. But first... Nice. There's never a rough puff in a lucky, because LSMFT, Lucky Strike, means fine tobacco. Find light ripe tobacco that smokes smoother and milder. Now, fine tobacco costs more and at the tobacco options, Lucky Strike pays millions of dollars more than official parity prices for naturally mild mellow leaf. And the independent tobacco experts men who devote their lives to buying, selling, and handling tobacco can see the kind of fine tobacco that Lucky Strike consistently selects and buys. Just listen to the words of Mr. B. V. Bowen, an independent tobacco buyer from Timminsville, South Carolina. Recently he said, I keep my eyes peeled as to what's going on at the tobacco auctions and year after year I've seen Lucky Strike by fine, light, mellow tobacco that makes a smooth, mild smoke. I've smoked Lucky's for 22 years. So friends, for a truly finer, milder cigarette with never a rough puff, smoke the smoke to back a expert smoke. Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Gee, Mr. Leahy, this was a wonderful dinner, wasn't it? It certainly was, Jack. Oh, waiter, waiter, the check? No, no, no, Mr. Leahy, this is on me. A waiter, I'll take the check. Here you are, Mr. Benny. Thank you. Now just a second while I... Hmm. What's the matter, Jack? Something wrong with the check? No, no. Mr. Leahy, this will kill you. Remember when I told you I forgot my magazine? Yes. Well, I forgot my wallet, too. Isn't that awful? You know, Mr. Benny, uh... What? I'd like to have just one half back that's as slippery as you are. Well, thank you. Staying to Dan the Life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned as they understand each other and follow us immediately. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting Service.